Semi-recently someone who I also semi-recently met said that they went to kinda-sorta stalking me online. After doing so, one of the things that they asked me was, “How do you continually find so many sex-related topics to write about after all this time?” I don’t really have a straight answer for that other than I think sex is amazing and, when approached in a responsible light, highly beneficial…in a way that goes way beyond the physical. Plus, when I’m brainstorming content, I like to think of what I would like to read — especially if I don’t really see certain topics addressed a certain way anywhere else.
And while it would be ridiculous of me to say that there are no good skin-prep pieces out in cyberspace (of course, there are!), if there’s one thing that I think should get tackled, a bit more specifically, are things that you can do, strictly for your skin, that will make your sex experience even better than (hopefully) it already is.
So here it is, y’all. Before the next time you plan on blessing your man with all of the goodness you have to offer, here are 12 things that you can do to make him feel like he’s literally melting into you — in more ways than one, chile.
1. DIY a Body Scrub
You would think that at the big age that I am, breakouts would be a thing of the past (le sigh). Unfortunately, a sistah still ends up with a right-on-schedule period pimple on my face once a month (UGH!) and a couple of zits on my back from time to time. It’s all annoying because, no matter what, once they go down, they leave some type of discoloration…and that’s why I try to be proactive with my skincare routine; it’s so I (hopefully) won’t have to deal with that kind of bullshishery at all.
Off top, I exfoliate. The main reason is that we actually shed thousands of dead skin cells every minute, and if they aren’t removed, they can start to clog up our pores, and that leads to inflammation and, yep — oftentimes, breakouts. Since two other benefits that come with skin exfoliation are an even complexion and softer skin, definitely make this a part of our skincare regimen, especially on sex night (or day).
There are body scrubs that you can easily find in stores or online. Yet if you’re like me and you want to minimize the number of chemicals that you can’t even pronounce from getting into your skin, you can always DIY a body scrub. Three tablespoons of brown sugar (it’s a humectant which means it pulls moisture from the air into your skin) along with three tablespoons of olive oil (it’s loaded with antioxidants to keep your skin young and healthy) is a really simple scrub. Marie Claire also has several recipes that you can check out here.
2. DIY a Bronzer Too
I haven’t worn foundation in years. However, when I do want my skin to look like it’s absolutely glowing and/or I want to camouflage one of those period pimple marks that I just mentioned, I’ll reach for some bronzer and it does the trick, brilliantly so.
That said, here’s a bronzer hack: apply some of it to your face, neck, and chest, and then light some scented soy candles (soy burns cleaner) in your bedroom. It will cause your skin to appear absolutely radiant which will make you look all that more beautiful. My two cents would be to go the DIY route. iHerb has a recipe that I can personally vouch for and it’s right here.
3. Soak Your Hands in Egg Yolks
When you know that you’re about to be in for a really good night, if there are two things that you’ll be using in excess, it’s your hands…right? So, if you want to make sure that they are uber soft, soak them in a homemade egg yolk solution (especially after exfoliating them with the body scrub that I already mentioned).
Egg yolks are bomb because they’re chocked full of literal moisture, protein, fats, and emulsifiers (which basically means a milky moisturizer as far as your skin goes). Egg yolks also contain ceramides and peptides to keep your skin healthy and wrinkle-free, and they are a multivitamin considering the fact that they are full of vitamins B1, B12, A, E, D and K, zinc, and choline (for starters). The organic pigment lutein that’s in them works overtime to make your skin feel more supple, too, so of course, this would be a great all-natural approach to cultivating super soft hands.
Honestly, one of the best egg yolk soaks/masks (in my opinion) consists of mixing two yolks with a tablespoon of honey, a tablespoon of virgin olive oil, and a teaspoon of baking soda. After washing your hands, cover them in the mixture and let the mixture sit for 20 minutes. Then rinse thoroughly with warm followed by cool water (to close up your pores) and apply your favorite carrier oil. Your hands will have never felt so good.
4. Then Soak the Heels of Your Feet in Mouthwash
While I was in a counseling session once, a husband said something that I thought was hilarious: “Don’t get me wrong, sex with my wife is amazing. I just hate to lift her legs up because…her feet.” When I asked him if they smelled or something, he said that he had been trying to find a way to tell her that her heels kept scratching his arms and chest. Whew, chile.
I told them what I’m about to tell you — soak those bad boys in some mouthwash. Not just any kind, though, Listerine. The reason why is that it contains pretty potent antibacterial, antioxidant, and antifungal properties that can help to not only get rid of any fungus your feet may have, it can also remove the hardened dead skin that’s on your heels as well so that your feet feel good on, whatever you rub them up against. You can read more about why this is a smart route to take by checking out Verywell Health’s article on the issue here.
5. Exfoliate Your Lips
Even though things like extreme weather temperatures, dry air, and dehydration can all play a role in having chapped lips, another underestimated culprit is saliva. Yep, the enzymes that are in it can also cause your lips to feel hard and/or the skin on them to feather, which can make kissing…not as sensual.
The way to work around this is to exfoliate your lips. You can do that by making your own lip scrub. Those are great at removing dead skin cells and making your lips feel extra soft and smooth. One of my favorite things about lip scrubs is they are easy to make from the comfort and convenience of my own home. Stylecraze did us all a solid by providing almost 20 recipes right here.
6. “Seal Your Skin” After Bathing
I can’t tell you the last time I applied lotion to my skin. Instead, what I do is make sure to “seal” my skin by applying some type of oil like sweet almond, avocado, or grapeseed (for example) onto my body before drying off. The key is to let the oil penetrate your skin for a couple of minutes and then gently dab the water off with a microfiber towel. Not only is the oil better for your skin, but the sealing process also keeps your skin moisturized for much longer too.
7. Combine an Aphrodisiac Essential Oil with a Carrier Oil
When it comes to sealing your skin, if you want to be “doubly protected,” something that you can try is combining an essential oil with a carrier oil. My two cents are to do this right after sealing your skin and drying off; that way, your skin is not only extra smooth, it has a really seductive scent to it as well.
If you’re wondering which oils will get your partner’s libido going, I’ve got you covered on that. First check out, “8 Natural Aphrodisiac Scents, Where They Go & How To Make Them Last” and then click on “So, Here Are The Carrier Oils That Will Take Your Sex Life To A Whole 'Nother Level.'” Thank me later.
8. Use Shea Butter on Your Nipples
As a doula, something that I recommend new moms do (especially if they are breastfeeding) is to apply some shea butter to their nipples. The combination of vitamins A, E, and F, along with its high amount of fatty acids, makes shea butter a top-notch skin soother.
And since some of us see our breasts as a peak erogenous zone, I’m sure you can see why “coating your breasts” with a layer of shea butter could prove to be beneficial when it comes to bedroom action too, especially if your nipples are prone to cracking or feeling a little irritated once saliva gets onto them. Thanks to the anti-inflammatory properties that are also in shea butter, it’s a moisturizer that has you covered all the way around.
9. Apply Sweet Almond Oil to Your Vulva
I have been a personal fan of sweet almond oil for years now. When it comes to my skin specifically, the vitamin E that’s in it makes it an awesome moisturizer. I also like the fact that it softens my skin without being greasy and that it gives it a natural glow. That said, when it comes to making all of your skin feel amazing, don’t forget to moisturize your vulva (the outer part of your vagina). By applying some of this oil to your pubic mound and vaginal lips, not only will your skin feel great, it will help to soften your pubic hair so that it feels more comfortable to the touch too — all without containing any ingredients that could possibly irritate your skin in the process (or later on).
10. Put a Humidifier in Your Bedroom
Why should everyone have a humidifier in their bedroom? Chile, let me count the ways. It reduces the chances of you catching a cold or the flu. It soothes asthma-related symptoms. It decreases the allergens in the air. It also helps to get rid of (and possibly prevent) headaches. And as far as this topic is concerned, it’s fabulous at helping your skin to retain moisture.
Know what else? After all, is — eh hem — said and done, a humidifier is also a must-have because it can make snoring less of an issue as well. The method to the madness is, the less dry air that’s in your bedroom, the less congested your nasal passages will be and the less irritated your throat will be too. This means that you can have hours of great sex followed by hours of sound sleep to boot. Perfection.
11. Buy Some Bamboo Bedding
If you don’t own at least one set of bamboo sheets, I definitely think you should get some just as soon as you possibly can. I have some myself, and one of my favorite things about them is how soft they feel. Some other perks include the fact that they’re eco-friendly, odor-repelling, and they last for a long time (replacing them every 18 months is a good idea). As far as your skin (and your sex life) goes, since they are also hypoallergenic and temper-regulating, you don’t have to worry about bamboo sheets irritating your skin or trapping in moisture as you’re rolling around in them — whether it’s with someone or when you’re sleeping alone.
12. Invest in Some Honey Dust
And now for the grand finale. Whenever it comes to tips that I learn along the way, I try to give credit where credit is due. Who actually put me on to this recommendation is Valerie Malone (played by Tiffani Amber Thiessen). If you don’t know who that is, she was a sexy and conniving white girl in the original Beverly Hills, 90210. Anyway, while one of her guys was kissing her, he asked what he was tasting, and she said honey dust. I checked it out and have been a fan ever since! Not only will your skin taste absolutely delightful, but it can also make oral sex more pleasant (both on the giving as well as the receiving end).
Plus, it’s got some practical benefits too. Honey dust can remove wet spots out of your sheets, reduce the chances of you experiencing yeast infections underneath your breasts (because it can keep your skin dry up under there and, if you both apply it before things go down, it can keep your skin from sticking together (if that’s something that low-key irks you).
A fan-favorite brand is Kama Sutra Honey Dust Kissable Moisture-Wicking Body Powder. It even comes with a feather duster to apply it with. Yeah, don’t say a sistah didn’t look out for your skin and your sex life because, thanks to these hacks, I most certainly did! Enjoy. #wink
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at email@example.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
It’s almost as if most of the traditional sugary sodas that we grew up loving were swapped out for most health-conscious alternatives. If you walk into any grocery store and find yourself in the soft drink aisle, what you’ll discover is a new, fast-growing selection of gut-friendly drinks that are improving our digestive health, one sip at a time.
Probiotics are live microorganisms, often referred to as "good" bacteria, that help maintain a balanced and healthy microbial environment in our digestive system. With probiotic beverages that contain live beneficial bacteria, these drinks deliver probiotics to the digestive system in a convenient and enjoyable way.
Although it may seem as if probiotic sodas have had an instant surge in popularity, these low-sugar, tummy-soothing beverages have earned their position by tasting good and being good for you. From their support in maintaining good bacteria in the gut to keeping your immune system balanced and in check, there’s truly nothing like sipping your way to better gut health.
From fermented seltzers to probiotic pops, we’ve got the best bubbly, gut-focused sodas for you to try.
This sparkling soda from Poppi is packed with the good stuff to keep your immune system boosted, your stomach less bloated, and your digestive system flowing.
Flavor and fuel for your tummy, who could ask for a better duo to keep your digestive system happy?
Looking for a soda that puts your gut health first? Mayawell has all the good prebiotic fiber to keep your immune system strong and metabolism burning.
We love a silly little drink that’s serious about giving your gut the good bacteria it needs, with both prebiotics and probiotics packed in every can.
The secret behind KeVita’s sparkling refreshers is that it’s been fermented with their water kefir culture to keep the “good bacteria” happy and working for you.
Whether it's for the taste or its endless gut benefits, OLIPOP is providing a healthier alternative to sugary sodas with high-fiber ingredients that support your digestive system.
Sipping on your favorite soda is even better when you know that it’s juicy, fruity, and made with organic spices and herbs, along with billions of live probiotics that are as soothing as it is satisfying.
If you’re looking for a seltzer that’s good for you and loaded with two billion probiotics in every can, you’re gonna love these seltzers from Humm.
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Featured image by Stefania Pelfini, La Waziya Photography/Getty Images