If you’re someone who has trouble sleeping, let me ask you something real quick: do you have a nighttime ritual that you follow on a consistent basis? If you don’t, you should definitely consider getting one because there are plenty of sleep experts who vouch for the fact that doing things like setting a standard bedtime, disconnecting from electronics, taking a warm bath, doing some meditation, and reading before turning in can make all of the difference in the world when it comes to improving your quality of rest.
And while you’re out here being all proactive about sleeping well, why not show your vagina some love by implementing a nighttime routine for “her” too? When you’re tired after a long day, it might seem trivial on the surface; however, after reading this, I’m pretty confident that I can convince you to take giving your vagina some end-of-the-day TLC super seriously.
1. Give Your Vagina a Massage
A yoni massage might be what your vagina secretly craves.
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Reading an article on a yoga website is what inspired me to make this point. Although it should go without saying that there is a myriad of benefits that come with getting a professional massage (check out “12 Different Massage Types. How To Know Which Is Right For You.”), have you ever thought about why it’s a good idea to give yourself a self-massage on a weekly basis too? Not only is it a cheap and easy way to de-stress your mind, body, and spirit, but it also can help to detoxify your system and rejuvenate yourself.
Your vagina is no exception here. By rubbing your pubic mound, vulva, and the outer rim of your vagina, that can help to bring relief to minor discomfort, increase blood flow to that area of your body and help to boost your sexual self-confidence.
For the record, although masturbation and even vaginal mapping (check out “Why 'Vaginal Mapping' Needs To Be Part Of Your Healing Journey”) can be seen as forms of vaginal massaging, to learn more about how to give yourself the type of vaginal massage that is basically designed to bring you nothing more than rest and relaxation, check out “A Yoni Massage Might Be Your Tantric Ticket To Sexual Healing;” there are some techniques in there that I’m pretty sure will make you want to follow through with this tip, just as often as possible.
2. Invest in a Humidifier-Diffuser and Put a Calming Essential Oil in It
Keeping your stress levels low benefits you and your vagina in the long run.
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One of the best investments that I’ve personally ever made is buying a humidifier that doubles up as a diffuser. Humidifiers are bomb when it comes to keeping moisture in the air, reducing snoring, keeping allergens at bay, and so much more (check out “10 Really Good Reasons To Get Yourself A Humidifier This Fall”). Diffusers are cool because they can help to put essential oils into the air. Well, as far as your vagina goes, it needs moisture, and it can also have moments when it needs to chill out a bit (check out “Ever Wonder If Your Vagina Is Stressed TF Out?”).
Putting calming scents like lavender, clary sage, chamomile, orange, rose, bergamot, or frankincense into it will significantly increase your chances of sleeping (more) soundly — and that will only benefit you, your vagina, and every other part of your body in the long run.
3. Take a Magnesium, Calcium and Zinc Supplement
Supplements that keep the vagina healthy? Yes, please.
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Something that my mother used to give me was a magnesium, calcium, and zinc supplement. Listen, if you’re looking for a natural way to bring your nervous system down a few notches, I can speak from very up close and personal experience that this will get the job done!
As far as your va-jay-jay goes, magnesium lowers oxidative stress and makes PMS (and menopause) more tolerable; calcium (especially if it’s combined with vitamin D) can reduce vaginal dryness, and zinc is not only a solid libido booster, it can also help to keep your vaginal tissues nice and healthy.
Personally, I prefer to take vitamins at night because, if there is any minor discomfort while digesting them, I sleep right through it. Plus, if you want to be calmer as you sleep, a nerve relaxant makes all the sense in the world, especially if/when it’s all-natural.
4. Drink Some Kefir
Maintaining your vagina's pH balance can be as easy as drinking more kefir.
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Lawd, when it comes to vaginal care, if there’s one thing that I’ve learned that you damn near have to become your own chemist about, it’s maintaining your vagina’s pH balance (check out “Sis, This Is How To Keep Your Vagina's pH Balanced”). One way to do that is to take a probiotic; that’s because it keeps the bad bacteria that is (probably) inside of your vagina from overtaking the good bacteria. Plus, there’s plenty of science to support that probiotic intake helps improve sleep quality as well.
That said, if taking supplements aren’t really your thing, a nice workaround is drinking some kefir. Kefir is basically fermented milk (think drinkable yogurt that’s on steroids as far as probiotic content goes). If that sounds nasty, I’ve been drinking Lifeway’s brand for a few years now. It comes in different flavors and tastes pretty damn good. Now, if you hate yogurt…umm, a supplement it is, I guess. *Elmo shrug*
5. Rinse Your Vulva with Some Water
Whatever your personal wash routine, a little rinse never hurt nobody.
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Some health experts say that water is all you need to cleanse your vagina. Others say that you should just make sure that you use all-natural ingredients (check out “Love On Yourself With These 7 All-Natural DIY Vaginal Washes”). A cleanser that I am a huge fan of is Boric Fresh PH Balancing Daily Feminine Wash with Boric Acid, Tea Tree Oil, Coconut Oil & Essential Oil. It is so soothing and non-irritating.
Anyway, whatever your personal wash routine is, do make sure that you at least rinse your vulva before turning in. With any luck, you’re about to get 6-8 hours of rest and so, the less bacteria you’ve got lurking around your skin’s folds, the better.
6. If You’re Shaving, Follow It Up with Some Witch Hazel
Prefer to shave? Get yourself a bottle of witch hazel.
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If nighttime is when you do your vaginal upkeep, get yourself a bottle of witch hazel. It soothes skin. In a broader sense, it helps to speed up the healing of breakouts. It helps to treat psoriasis and eczema. It brings relief to a sore throat. It’s a strong astringent that contains anti-inflammatory properties. And because of that, it’s also a solid treatment when it comes to soothing skin after shaving and also helping to prevent ingrown hairs. It’s one of the best all-natural, inexpensive remedies for your skin from head to toe, no question.
7. Soothe Your Labia with Some Coconut Oil
Your vulva loves some coconut oil.
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I won’t lie — coconut oil and I have a bit of a love/hate relationship. Although, when it comes to natural hair care, I know that some women adore it, it tends to leave my hair dry (although it is a nice soother for my scalp whenever it’s irritated). And even though others like to “seal their skin” with it when they finish bathing, I personally prefer plum oil (check out “Plum Oil Is The Oil You Should Ease Into The Fall Season With”).
Oh, but if there is one time when I will TOTALLY sing its praises, it’s when it comes to applying coconut oil to my inner and outer labia. The saturated fats keep those areas naturally lubricated, the lauric acid that it contains helps to naturally heal yeast infections (and even a couple of STDs), and it’s also full of antioxidants and has antimicrobial and antifungal properties too.
So, get in those nooks and crannies with some of it; your vulva will totally love you for it if you do.
8. Soften Your Pubic Hair with Some Fur Oil
Prevent ingrown hairs and nurture your pubic hair with this oil.
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I’ve gotta admit that ever since I’ve become more intentional about literally nurturing my pubic hair, it has gotten so much softer to the touch. If pampering your own is something that you’d like to get more into, you honestly cannot go wrong with Fur Oil. It contains a blend of different lightweight oils that will moisturize your hair, help prevent ingrown ones, and leave that part of your body feeling smooth as silk. Is it cheap? Nope. Is it worth it? Absolutely, especially since a little bit tends to go a very long way. You can learn more about and cop some of it here.
9. Sip on Some Honeybush Tea
Drinking honeybush tea can do wonder for your body.
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Now ain’t THIS a trip? As I was doing a bit of prepping for this article, even though tea is totally my thing (check out “8 Teas That Are Really Good For Your Vaginal Health”), I’ve gotta admit that my “something new” for the day is the fact that there is a tea out here called honeybush — and boy, if that ain’t a new word that I’m going to use to define vaginas, moving forward, boy! Anyway, honeybush is an herbal-infused tea that hails from South Africa (this just keeps getting better and better!).
Some of its health benefits include it being loaded with antioxidants (which can help to keep vaginal infections from becoming an issue), it boosts immunity, it helps to bring relief to menopausal symptoms, and it also can keep your skin — on every part of your body — nice and healthy. So, if drinking tea at bedtime is totally your thing as well, pick up some honeybush the next time you’re at a local health food store.
10. Wear Nothing Down Below
There are gonna be times when your vagina needs a break from wearing panties.
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Even when you’ve got on the right kind of panties (check out “These Are The Kinds Of Panties Your Vagina Actually Prefers”), there are gonna be times when your vagina is gonna need a break. Between being cooped up in fabric all day long and the moisture and bacteria that can get trapped in panties after hours of wear, going without drawers can be quite beneficial. That said, even if you’re not someone who would even consider going without underwear during the daytime hours (check out “10 Women Told Me Why They Stopped Wearing Panties (And They Don't Regret It)”), at least try your hand and going to sleep without any panties on. There’s simply too much evidence out here to support that it can help to keep vaginal infections at bay; plus, sleeping naked is a great de-stressor as well.
11. Tell “Her” Something That You’re Grateful to Her For
When was the last time you gave gratitude to your vagina?
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Question: when’s the last time you told your vagina that you were grateful to her? No matter how crazy that might sound, if you really stop to ponder what life would be like without her (hell, just on the sex tip alone!), she definitely deserves a high five (umm, so to speak). And since there are proven health benefits of expressing gratitude, in general (including the fact that it relieves anxiety, decreases stress levels, and improves one’s quality of sleep), before turning in, at night, audibly tell your vagina one thing that you love her for. Something tells me that making that a nightly practice could probably end up helping you out in the sexual self-confidence (check out “10 Sensuous Ways To Boost Your Sexual Self-Esteem”) department, too.
12. Listen to Some Natural Sounds As You Fall Asleep
Nature sounds can do more than just increase your quality of rest.
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Although getting some z-z-z’s has never really been a problem for me, I will say that since I’ve been intentional about going to sleep with some rain sounds in the background, my quality of rest has increased in a major way. I’m pretty sure that it’s not by happenstance either because I once read a study that said listening to relaxing music for 45 minutes before turning in can affect your brain in a similar way that a sleeping medication would (the more you know). Know what else will do this? Sounds of rain, thunder, or nature.
YouTube is chock full of videos that will give you all kinds of nature sounds for hours on end for free (just go to the site and put the kind of sleep sound that you want into the search field). And since the less stressed you are, the more you decrease your chances of having a vaginal infection — anything that you can do to rest better would be a wise move, wouldn’t you say?
BONUS: Follow a Vaginal Pre-Sex Routine Too
Your vagina will appreciate the extra effort of prep before sex.
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If you’ve ever wondered when the best day of the month is to have sex, reportedly, it’s the day before your period; your hormones are in a state where you’ll have the most intense orgasms then. The best time of year? Right now — fall and winter. Rain makes us hornier. Testosterone levels rise. Being indoors more makes it easier to make sex plans. And although science actually says that around 7:30 a.m. (I’m not sure which time zone…LOL) is the best time for sex, we all know that nighttime is when things tend to be more convenient.
So, as I close this out, if your vagina is gonna be getting some serious action tonight, put a pin in this article, save it for tomorrow and check out “Here's How To 'Pregame' Your Vagina For Sex.” She’ll appreciate your extra effort, and ultimately…so will you. Sweet sex…sweet dreams or…BOTH. #wink
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So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
Apparently, there was a Thanksgiving episode that featured all of the friends having dinner together. And y’all, there was simply no way that I was going to mention the latter without shouting out the original (amen?).
Okay, so with that out of the way — Friendsgiving. Something that I appreciate about twists to holidays like this is that it’s a reminder that there is no one way to celebrate special occasions. And so, if, for whatever the reason, you will not or cannot be with family during the holiday season, there are certainly other alternatives at your disposal.
That being said, if the thought of spending time with friends this Thanksgiving is something that you’d like to do, yet you’re not sure how to host it in a way that will make Friendsgiving a fan favorite for your entire circle — I’ve got 10 suggestions that can make the planning process easy as pumpkin (or sweet potato) pie.
1. Position Chrysanthemums or Orchids for Your Table Décor
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Let’s start with décor first. Listen, aside from cleaning up your place, you don’t have to be over the top. If you put together a really nice centerpiece or put a flower at each table setting, honestly, you’re all good. And if you’re someone who is big on details and symbolism, my recommendation would be to go with some chrysanthemums and/or orchids.
When it comes to chrysanthemums, not only are they a peak fall flower, they represent things like friendship and happiness. And orchids? They tend to bloom during the fall and spring seasons and, not only are they about luxury, certain orchid colors also symbolize friendship (for the record, yellow roses symbolize friendship too). Perfect.
2. Incorporate Scents That Cultivate Gratitude
Speaking of cultivating a warm and inviting space, you can never go wrong with scented soy candles — or at least having an essential oil diffuser in a few spots. Some scents that actually help to bring in the spirit of gratitude include vanilla, jasmine, ginger, cedarwood and frankincense.
3. Use Upscale Paper Products to Dine With
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Let’s be real — a lot more of us would probably host events in our home if it wasn’t for the mess that is left behind in our kitchen once the festivities are over. Wanna avoid that? Use paper plates. No, I don’t mean the cheap Styrofoam ones. SMDH. These days, there are paper (and plastic) plate brands that will low-key blow your mind when it comes to how bougie they look. Some that are worth considering are located here, here and here.
4. Handwrite Thank-You Notes (Use Them As Place Settings)
If you’re like Tiffany (from the HBO series Insecure — what a time) was at that memorable dinner party when all hell broke loose between Lawrence and Issa and you’re pretty anal — I mean, particular — LOL — about place settings, it’s a nice touch to pick up some blank thank-you cards that you can write a personalized “I’m thankful for you because…” message in. Place each one where you’d like each friend to sit. They won’t see it coming and it’s a really nice touch.
5. Have Everyone Bring Their Favorite Homemade Dish
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Okay, and what if what has you on the fence about hosting is you don’t feel like doing a ton of cooking? Chile, this is where the concept of having a potluck comes in. Get everyone to bring the dish that they claim they cook the best and make sure to let them know how many individuals you plan on coming (so that they will make enough). You can even make a game out of it by having everyone anonymously vote for the first, second and third best dishes out of the bunch. Take it up a notch by having a prize for each winner.
6. Take a Warm Drink and Dessert Poll Beforehand
You know what isn’t discussed enough about dinner parties? Folks bringing desserts that other people don’t even like. SMDH. You can avoid this from becoming an issue at your Friendsgiving by sending an email (most people prefer that to group chats; let’s be real — and make sure to BCC everyone as well) asking everyone to share what their top three favorite desserts and warm drinks are. Then pick the top 2-3 out of the bunch. That way, you won’t have a ton of (for instance) coffee cake or apple cider lying around that no one even wanted in the first place.
7. Create a Signature Friendsgiving Mocktail and Cocktail
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Speaking of drinks, another way to make your Friendsgiving memorable is to come up with a signature mocktail (for those who don’t consume alcohol) and cocktail. For the mocktail, you can also poll your friends about their favorite mocktail or fruits and come up with a mixture of your own. For the cocktail — although National Friendship Day is actually in August, I did peep that there are certain drinks that have been created in its honor. Some of them are located here for you to do a bit of tweaking on (if you’d like).
8. Ask Everyone to Share Their “Favorite Friend Quality” of Another
You know how it’s customary for everyone to go around and share what they are truly thankful for before having dinner? Well, to continue along with the Friendsgiving theme, have each person share what their favorite friend quality is about the person to their right. If folks are just meeting each other for the first time, instead they can share what they value the most in friendship overall, along with a story of how it was displayed to them personally over the past 12 months.
9. Send Each of Your Guests Home with a Fresh Gratitude Journal
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Wanna send folks home with a nice parting gift? It would be so on-trend to give each of them a gratitude journal. Listen, we are in some crazy times right through here (at least in the States) and so, encouraging your friends to set some time aside, regularly, to think about and then outwardly express what they are grateful for? That helps to keep stress down, keep things in perspective and it reminds us all to maintain a positive mindset as much as possible.
10. Watch a Nostalgic Movie
While everyone is enjoying dessert and drinks, how about watching a movie that brings back fond memories? A list of some of the most popular movies to come out previous Thanksgiving weekends is located here and a list of some favorite Black holiday-themed films can be found here. It’s a way to wind down and share some laughs before everyone heads home.
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Friendsgiving. What a wonderful way to celebrate your friends while also observing Thanksgiving in a way that is totally on your terms. And now that you know how to put it together, what are you waiting for? Hit your friends up and let them know that, whether it’s on actual Thanksgiving Day or a few days before or after, you’ve got a special dinner in mind.
One that has a good time with amazing friends written ALL over it.
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