

Yeah, I know. When you think of spring cleaning, probably the last thing that comes to mind is your sex life. Just hear me out, though. Spring cleaning is a practice that's all about thoroughly cleaning your living space in preparation for the new seasons that are to come…right? That's why I think it is the perfect idea to apply this way of thinking to your world of intimacy. Because, the reality is, a lot of us are currently having less-than-absolutely-wonderful sexual experiences and it's usually because there are areas that we either totally overlook or don't give our full attention to.
So, in honor of spring cleaning, spring fever and the weather heating up, here are some ways for you to get your sex life back in order so that it can be—pardon the pun—hotter than ever!
1.Get a Physical
I once read that only 1 in 5 people get an annual physical. What fascinated me most about that is many health care providers were divided on if going to the doctor every year was even necessary. Some actually believe that it's a waste of time and money unless you sense something is actually wrong. I'm gonna leave that conclusion to your personal discretion. What I will say is if you're not in the mood for sex, you're inexplicably tired all of the time, your period is all over the place, you feel irritable without really knowing why, sex has suddenly become painful or you no longer enjoy it—definitely make an appointment to see your physician. There are a lot of folks out here who aren't having a great sex life and it's directly related to some sort of underlying health—even if it's mental health, so a therapist can't hurt either—issue. That's why it's so important to "spring clean" your sex life by making sure you're in tip-top shape first.
2.Rearrange Your Bedroom
A couple of years ago, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, "Could Your Home Decor Be Totally Wrecking Your Sex Life?" When you get a chance, I definitely recommend that you check it out. Yet even if you don't feel like doing any real bedroom upgrades that require spending cash, how about rearranging your room a bit?
Boredom is a leading cause of a less-than-stellar sex life when it comes to long-term couples and doing something as simple as moving your bed can make your bedroom space feel totally different. And a change of scenery has a way of adding a spark to couples and their libidos.
3.Bring Some Greenery into Your Space
Spring is the time of year when birds start chirping, flowers begin to bloom and trees are green again. In honor of all of this, tell me something—how many plants are in your bedroom space? It's been proven that plants can do everything from reduce stress and improve your mood to absorb toxins and even reduce noise levels (if you know what I mean). So, why not put a snake plant or pothos on your nightstands or place an English ivy or Gardenia in a corner of the room? It can bring peace to your bedroom and make it feel so warm and comfy that you'll want to cuddle up with your partner—and then some.
4.Incorporate Some "Spring" Oils
Over here, we're huge fans of essential oils (check out "6 Different Places To Apply Essential Oils. And Why." and "8 Natural Aphrodisiac Scents, Where They Go & How To Make Them Last"). Well, why not add a few essential oils to your collection, just in time for spring? Whether you want to freshen up your bedding, create a luxurious bath, make your own massage oils, DIY some body sprays that will help your skin to glow or put a seductive scent in a diffuser—ones that scream "spring" include tangerine, bergamot, Roman chamomile, jasmine, lavender, manuka, neroli, rose, ylang ylang and chocolate peppermint.
5.Create a “Sex Nook”
At the end of the day, a nook is a small space that's considered to be a safe area. Oftentimes it's in a corner of a room or by a window where you can focus on relaxing while doing something that you enjoy. In walks the concept of a "sex nook" that I sometimes recommend to couples. All it means is that you've got a dedicated space where your sex toys and erotic reads may go. It can also be where you do some orgasmic meditation exercises or maybe discuss some of the things that you discovered while surfing the 'net or downloading some sex apps (which we'll get into in a bit). The mind is a funny thing. When you have places with "themes", often that can "program you" into cultivating a certain type of mindset and energy. Sex included.
6.Have a “Sex Section” in Your Fridge
If you're someone who does traditional spring cleaning, I'm pretty sure that one of the things on your to-do list is to get at that fridge of yours. As you're tossing out old condiments and deep cleaning your shelves, set aside a space that can be your "sex section". It can include aphrodisiac foods, sex condiments like whipped cream and chocolate frosting and also things that will keep your vagina healthy and tasting great like kefir and celery. You know what they say—if you build it, they will come. In this case, swap out "they" for "y'all" and "come" for "cum". No doubt.
7.Commit to Cuddle Sessions
If you happen to be someone who's been in a relationship for, let's say three years or more, a synonym for the word "clean" that I'd like you to ponder is "thorough". One of the beautiful things about sex, when you're in a long-term committed relationship, is it connects you to your partner on more than just a physical level. Well, did you know that cuddling does things like cultivate intimacy, reduces stress, helps you and your partner to feel closer to each other on an emotional level, relieves pain and boosts your immune system?
If your sex life has been going OK yet you can't recall the last time you and yours were intentional about going to bed earlier so that you can snuggle up or you stayed in bed later in the morning so that you could spoon—to be clean is to be thorough. To be thorough is to be "extremely attentive" and "have full mastery of a talent". Use the spring season to make time for more cuddling. That kind of attention can help you to become an even better master at satisfying your partner.
8.Download Some Sex Apps
Something that's great about apps is they're convenient, right? Well, if for the last few weeks or months, it seems like your sex life is in a bit of a low space, how about downloading some sex apps that can hopefully help to "spruce things up" a bit? If you want to sext without anyone but your partner being able to see what you're saying (or showing), go with Confide. Looking to develop better sexual communication with your partner? How about Pillow? If you and/or your partner travel a lot, OhMiBod comes with literal vibrations for your long-distance pleasure. An app that can make the initial stages of foreplay more fun is Dirty Game - Hot Truth or Dare. If it's time to bring in some new sex positions, an absolute must-have is iKamasutra. These are just a few suggestions that can help to evoke spring fever, if needed.
9.Detox Poor Sex Habits/Patterns
Spring tends to be the time of year when a lot of people detox so that they can get their bodies in peak condition for summer. Why not use these next several weeks to detox any poor sexual habits or patterns that you might have? Habits like what? Maybe it's not investing enough time into setting the right mood for sex. Maybe it's not "landscaping" (check out "Yep. Pubic Hair Has Trends (And Specific Needs) Too."). Maybe it's not having enough foreplay. Maybe it's fantasizing too much about other people (check out "You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?"). Maybe it's—one that I personally loathe—weaponizing sex (withholding for the sake of manipulation or power). Maybe it's staying in a sex rut. Maybe it's treating your bedroom like a second office (with all of those damn devices on your bed) or having more time for any and everyone else but your partner. Something that all of these habits/patterns have in common is they're actually pretty toxic and you can't have a healthy sex life when poison is in the way. So, definitely seek to "spring clean" your sex life by doing some detoxing of things that you know are sexually counterproductive—for the sake of sex and ultimately your relationship overall.
10.Do Some Foreplay Edging
Edging is something that we've brought up, more than once, on this platform. It's basically when you and your partner stimulate each other to the point of climaxing, only you pause a few times at that point so that when you do finally orgasm, it's super intense. Along these lines, something that I'd like for you to consider is what I call "foreplay edging". We all know that foreplay is all about things that we do to arouse our partner so that they will want to have sex. The challenge here is this, though. What are things that you can say and do, that aren't directly sexual that can get your partner in the mood to engage in foreplay with you? What kind of texts can you send? What kind of compliments can you give? When it comes to their love language, how can you speak it in such a way that they'll want to jump your bones as soon as they see you?
Sometimes, when I'm in a session with a couple, something that both the men and women will say is they wished they were "wooed", on a seduction level, by their partner more. Figuring out how to make your partner desire foreplay before even thinking about sex is an art that is lost on many yet is effective AF.
11.Cultivate Some Sex Rituals
So, riddle me this. What is a sex ritual that you and your partner have? A ritual is something that is an established procedure and a procedure is a mode of action. When something is established, it is settled, valid and recognized. So, when it comes to sex, what have you and your partner established and settled between the two of you? Is it that you won't go more than a week without some sort of sexual activity? Is it that you won't go a month without trying something new on the sexual front? Perhaps it's that you will schedule a sexcation, at least twice a year or that you won't let "outside drama" infect what happens in the bedroom. One of the biggest mistakes long-term couples make is planning when it comes to every other area of their life and "winging it" when it comes to sex. Using this season to commit to a particular "mode of action" is a wise step if you want to keep your sex life a top priority in your relationship—which is something that you definitely should do.
12.Cleanse. Each and Every Time.
Another definition of clean that I really like is to wash away whatever is contaminating. Something that I think totally fits this bill is holding grudges and not being honest about your feelings. After all, true sexual intimacy is about two people sharing their minds, bodies and even a part of their spirits—that's hard to do when there is bitterness, resentment, anger or even a lack of true openness in the way. Spring cleaning is all about getting in there and removing all of the "yuck". Set aside some time, sooner rather than later, so that you and your partner can have a "cleansing conversation". It's refreshing. It's healing. And it can serve as the foundation for a revived sex life—just in time for all that this spring season has to offer.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Eva Marcille On Starring In 'Jason’s Lyric Live' & Being An Audacious Black Woman
Eva Marcille has taken her talents to the stage. The model-turned-actress is starring in her first play, Jason’s Lyric Live alongside Allen Payne, K. Michelle, Treach, and others.
The play, produced by Je’Caryous Johnson, is an adaptation of the film, which starred Allen Payne as Jason and Jada Pinkett Smith as Lyric. Allen reprised his role as Jason for the play and Eva plays Lyric.
While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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There Really Is Such A Thing As 'Spring Cleaning Your Spirituality,' Sis
When you think about the fact that the spring season symbolizes things like newness, rebirth, and starting over, from a spiritual standpoint, it makes all of the sense in the world that religious-based fasts, including Lent and Ramadan, would transpire during this season as well. As I recently reflected on this fact, it’s what actually got me to really thinking about the term “spring cleaning” and what it represents — the thorough cleaning or cleansing of a particular area.
You know, sometimes, when I go back and look at some of the articles that I’ve penned for the platform before, I truly can’t believe how fast time flies. Take the piece, “What's The Difference Between Being 'Religious' And Being 'Spiritual', Anyway?” — now, how in the world did it turn five this year? I can’t even begin to wrap my mind around it. And although the piece does address some key points — like the fact that there is somewhat of a difference between being spiritual and being religious (although more people should read James 1:27 in order to understand how the Bible defines religion to be…it just might surprise them) — I want to explore a deeper angle of our spirituality, along with what we should require of it.
Today, let’s look at spirituality from the perspective of “the quality of being concerned with the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things,” “a quality that goes beyond religious affiliation, that strives for inspiration, reverence, awe, meaning and purpose…” (Murray and Zentner) and, perhaps, more than anything else, “the relationship between ourselves and something larger."
You know, it’s a woman by the name of Dr. Maya Spencer who once said, “Spirituality means knowing that our lives have significance in a context beyond a mundane everyday existence at the level of biological needs that drive selfishness and aggression. It means knowing that we are a significant part of a purposeful unfolding of Life in our universe.” Indeed.
And while keeping that in mind, if this is a time of your life when you would like to “clean or cleanse your spirituality” by doing things like removing negative energy, getting rid of old or counterproductive patterns and/or by stepping into an elevated space as far as your human spirit and soul are concerned, you might be pleasantly surprised by how easy and even fun that can be for you to do.
To effectively clean/cleanse your spirit, start by asking — and answering — the following five spirituality-focused questions:
What Inspires You?
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Remember how, in the intro, I shared that one definition of spirituality is “a quality that goes beyond religious affiliation, that strives for inspiration, reverence, awe, meaning and purpose…”? That is actually where I am pulling a lot of these questions from because, the reality is that focusing on things that inspire you, intentionally pondering your purpose, and also by encouraging yourself to become an overall better human being — these things definitely tie into your spiritual side whether you are “traditionally religious” or not.
And so, when it comes to cleansing your spirituality in this season, a great question to start off with is what actually inspires you? And listen, believe it or not, inspire is a pretty layered word. I say that because, while one definition is “to produce or arouse (a feeling, thought, etc.),” another is “to communicate or suggest by a divine or supernatural influence,” while synonyms of the word include excite, affect, cause, motivate, provoke, and instill. This means that if you truly want to say or do things from a place of inspiration, you need to produce things from a divine or supernatural space (interesting, right?).
The reason why it’s so important to “spring clean” in this department is, oftentimes you can be motivated or provoked by things that aren’t really all that good, healthy and/or beneficial for you (social media fast, anyone?) — things that take your mind off of what’s divine — sacred, godly and extremely good. As a result, you find yourself producing out of a mind and heart space that is compromised when it comes to your core standards, values, and even goals.
So yes, in the effort to cleanse your spirituality, begin by really reflecting on what you claim inspires you — then revisit what the word actually means…just to be sure that you are being honest with yourself about whether something or one is truly inspiring you…or not.
What Amplifies Your Purpose?
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Purpose is always something that is going to be a pretty big deal to me. That’s why I’ve written articles for the platform like “What Does It Mean To Have 'Purposeful Relationships'?,” “Please Stop Picking People Who Don't 'Fit' Your Purpose,” “The Conversation You Need To Have With Yourself Before The New Year Begins,” “How To Handle 'Purpose Fatigue'” and “5 Signs You Are Living Your True Purpose.” It’s because really, if you’re not focused, most of all, on the reason why you exist in the first place, nothing else is going to be fully, truly, and authentically fulfilling for you.
So, when it comes to this part of your spirituality, first take some time to make sure that you know what your purpose is. If you have no clue and you’re ready to find out, as a wise person once said, wisdom comes in the questions, even more than the answers, and Rockwood Leadership Institute has a whopping 132 questions that you can ask yourself in order to get to the root of what your purpose is here. On the flip side, if you do know and you’re just not feeling completely satisfied in what you are currently doing as it relates to executing your purpose, it sounds to me like you are going through a bit of a “purpose growth spurt,” and yes, there is such a thing.
For instance, I am very clear on what my purpose in life is — I am here to teach what I study and research about when it comes to the topics of covenant marriage, sex, and the biblical Sabbath. All are covenant principles that have been unbelievably compromised in a thousand different ways. However, as I evolve, transform, and mature, my understanding of what I know does as well, and that “upgrades” how I approach and share my purpose with others. You see, purpose is never supposed to be stagnant…it is ever-shifting as far as how you accomplish things within it.
And that’s why, spiritually, it’s so important that you make sure that you are AMPLIFYING YOUR PURPOSE. To amplify is “to make larger, greater, or stronger; enlarge; extend.” If you are not putting forth the effort to do just this, there is some spiritual cleansing that must be done because, if there is one thing about a person’s purpose, it’s the fact that it’s HUGE which means that there will always be plenty to do within it until their time on this earth ends.
What Makes You Love Better…and More?
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I believe I’ve mentioned before that a show that I loathe with every fiber of my being (and there really is so much to choose from these days — SMDH) is TV One’s For My Man. Not only is it a program that discourages full-level accountability, but it irks me to no end every time that it says that a woman did some heinous crime in the name of love. According to Scripture, GOD IS LOVE (I John 4:8&16). Not only that, but the Love Chapter in Scripture has a very healthy, sane, and mature take on how we should love and require love in return (I’m going to share two translations of I Corinthians 13:4-8 for expanded context):
“Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, doesn’t have a swelled head, doesn’t force itself on others, isn’t always ‘me first,’ doesn’t fly off the handle, doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, doesn’t revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end. Love never dies.” (I Corinthians 13 — Message)
“Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end].” (I Corinthians 13 — AMPC)
Now, think about what you see displayed on television when it comes to relationships. Based on these verses, is it love? Is it really? Ponder all of the relationship content that’s on social media. Does it sound like this kind of love? Does it really? The times when you’ve done things that you know were purely rooted in selfishness, impatience, and/or refusing to do for others what you would want them to do for you — how can any of that be loving? If you do believe in God and you also believe that you were made in his image (Genesis 1:26-28), this means that a part of your own spiritual DNA is love. This also means that if you know that your love has been tainted by material or physical things (which, by definition, is the opposite of spirituality), it’s time to make some real adjustments.
That said, take some time, think about the people and things that you profess to love, and ask yourself if it’s really love or is it lust or entitlement or immaturity. Then ask yourself what you can do to love those individuals and items better.
Remember, since you are made from Love, it’s important that you love like you are.
How Effective Are You When It Comes to Compassion?
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Personally, I think that whenever someone does something reckless and then follows up with the Bible says not to judge, I find it to be a supreme level of gaslighting. The context of that verse is saying that in the way that you judge, you will be judged and that you should make sure that you are right in the area that you are judging before you judge someone else (Matthew 7:1-5); however, be clear that judgment is a form of accountability which is why there are also verses like “Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment” (John 7:24 — NKJV) that exist — not to mention the fact that discernment literally means “keen judgment” and the Good Book supremely promotes that: “Strike a scoffer, and the simple will become wary; rebuke one who has understanding, and hewill discern knowledge.” (Proverbs 19:25 — NKJV)
And that’s why, any time the topic of “don’t judge” comes up, I am known for saying something along the lines of, “PUH-LEEZE. If I say ‘You’re cute,’ I just judged you. Humans don’t have a problem with judgment; they don’t like criticism or accountability.” And gee, is that unfortunate because it’s hard to grow without both of those things. However, the key that comes with being on the giving end of criticism or holding someone accountable is applying a quote by author Anne McCaffrey: “Make no judgments where you have no compassion.”
This world has a lot of…stuff going on, stuff that needs to be addressed and stuff that needs compassion applied while it is. By definition, compassion is about having concern for others, especially if what you see them going through, they have either told you or you can discern is tied to some level of internal suffering. And that’s why, in the spirit of spiritual cleansing, something else to ask is if you are holding others and even yourself accountable while operating from a place of genuine care and concern or is your ego just wanting to elevate itself or prove that it’s right?
You know, we’re living in a time when, more and more, people are frowning on humility which is unfortunate because a definite quality that comes with being a compassionate person is absolutely that — “By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches and honor and life.” (Proverbs 22:4 — NKJV)
It really is almost impossible to be profoundly spiritual without being a compassionate person. Is this an area that needs some “cleaning up”? If so, there is no time like the present.
What Encourages You to Be Wiser and Full of More Truth?
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Musician Jimi Hendrix once said, “Knowledge speaks, wisdom listens.” Aristotle once said, “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” Confucius once said, “By three methods we may learn wisdom: first, by reflection, which is the noblest; second, by imitation, which is the easiest; and third, by experience, which is the bitterest." Thomas Jefferson once said, “The wisest men know their weakness.” Author Gift Gugu Mona once said, “A woman of peace is a wise woman who understands that peace is more powerful than trying to prove a point.”
And what does it mean to be wise?
People who can regulate their emotions are wise. People who actually learn from their experiences (and the experiences of others, so that they don’t have to experience everything) are wise. People who know how to tame their ego are wise. People who are flexible/adaptable, non-materialistic, are self-aware, can be relied upon for great perspectives and insights, and are teachable are wise. The self-disciplined are wise. The patient are wise. The non-entitled are wise. Those who prioritize well are wise.
Those who do not live above their means (across the board), they are also wise. And there is no way that you can be wise without being willing to be completely honest, yes truthful with yourself about where you could stand to gain more wisdom and what must be done — and sometimes sacrificed — in order to get it.
And so, as I close this piece out, when it comes to spring cleaning your spirituality, ask yourself who and what encourages and enables you to become a wiser individual — AND who and what hinders that from transpiring. Then be honest with yourself about what is challenging you for the better and what, frankly, is only dumbing you down. Indeed, in order to live out the full potential of your spirituality, wisdom must come into play. However, it’s important to keep in mind that, for wisdom to truly flourish, it is a conscious choice — a daily decision.
And it will never come so long as you are making up excuses, justifying poor behavior (check out “Accountability Time: Let's Stop Calling It A 'Mistake' When It Was A 'Choice'”) or lying to yourself about what needs to be done. Taking those approaches to life is literally the opposite of being wise.
A French priest by the name of Pierre Teilhard de Chardin once said, “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” I can only imagine how much the quality of our lives would improve if we took that in on a very serious level.
The good news is you can choose to do it — right here and right now.
See yourself as a spiritual being.
Clean/cleanse whatever hinders that reality.
And watch how you begin to soar, supernaturally, by design, because of it, sis.
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