The beginning of the month invites us to clean up the messy areas of our lives just in time for the change of seasons. You may be confronted by your own habits and compulsions that contribute to the disarray. With curiosity and compassion, you can create new patterns that are more supportive of your well-being. Restoring balance to your life is the key to experiencing more peace, joy, and satisfaction in your life. For more about your September 2021 horoscopes, check out what's in store for your zodiac sign this month:
Aries
AriesLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe month begins with a New Moon on the 6th inviting you to commit to a new routine that will support a better work-life balance. On the 10th, Venus enters Scorpio helping you attract support from an unexpected resource. You'd be surprised by who's been watching you put in all of that hard work. When Mars shifts into Libra on the 14th, be mindful of how you approach your relationships. Partnerships can be tested during this time if you're not considerate of the other person's needs.
Compromise isn't such a bad thing when everyone gets to win, Aries.
The Full Moon on the 20th is the perfect time to wrap up karmic cycles that are holding you back from reaching the next level in life. Cut out the dead weight and be open to the new experiences that await. On the 22nd, the Sun enters Libra, making this a good time to adjust your boundaries where necessary and to renegotiate any contracts that aren't suiting your needs. If you're getting into any new contracts, try to do so before Mercury goes Retrograde on the 27th.
Taurus
TaurusLaci Jordan for xoNecoleA harmonious New Moon on the 6th gets September started off on the right foot for you, Taurus. Make some time for pleasure, romance, and play as much as you make time for achieving your goals. On the 10th, Venus enters Scorpio, helping you get a little closer to others.
Let your guards down and allow those closest to you to experience your tenderness.
When Mars enters Libra on the 14th, you're motivated to create more balance in your daily routine and physical body. The Full Moon on the 20th illuminates the intentions of those around you, helping you to clarify who you need to keep close and who should be loved from a distance. When the Sun shifts into Libra on the 22nd, consider practices that can benefit your mental and physical wellness--such as breath work, meditation, yoga, or spending a little more time in nature. On the 27th, Mercury goes Retrograde which could invite you to revisit a health regimen or routine that you've benefited from previously.
Gemini
GeminiLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe New moon on the 6th brings your attention to matters of family and home, Gemini. Be mindful of tension arising due to a lack of balance between household responsibilities and work. On the 10th, Venus enters Scorpio which could have you garnering the attention of some hidden enemies that don't enjoy seeing how successful you've been in the workplace. Protect your energy with prayer, spiritual baths, or some Black Obsidian to ward off the evil eye. When Mars enters Libra on the 14th, it's time to have some fun! You've been all work and no play.
Be more intentional about doing something for pleasure.
The Full Moon on the 20th is challenging you to find the balance between you-time, your career goals, and the needs of your family. You can't fill anyone from an empty cup so don't feel guilty for taking a step back from all of your various responsibilities--even if just for a day. On the 22nd, the Sun shifts into Libra revitalizing your inner child and your desire to create. Go to an art museum, write a song, hit up Hobby Lobby--do all of the things that your creative genius needs to feel life isn't just about adulting. On the 27th, your ruling planet, Mercury, goes Retrograde, making this a good time to tie up loose ends on a project you've been procrastinating on.
Cancer
CancerLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe month begins with a harmonious New Moon on the 6th encouraging you to be a little kinder to yourself, Cancer. Oftentimes, we're our own worst critic. Seek to see yourself through the eyes of the person who loves you most. On the 10th, Venus enters Scorpio inviting you to open up to the creative and sexual healing available to you through self-pleasure or an intimate connection with another soul. When Mars enters Libra, you could find yourself in the midst of some family drama with you being chosen as the mediator (what's new?).
Protect your peace and allow other people to fight their own battles.
The Full Moon on the 20th sets you up for a spiritually transcendental experience that reminds you of just how limitless, powerful, and magical you truly are. On the 22nd, the Sun shifts into Libra encouraging you to get your home prepared for the change of seasons on the horizon. Decorating your space for Spooky Season can be just what you need to help you feel more grounded. On the 27th, Mercury goes Retrograde making this a good time to revisit plans about relocating, buying/selling a home, and family planning.
Leo
LeoLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe month kicks off with a New Moon on the 6th inviting you to get serious about your finances. After a lavish birthday season, it's time to reel in the spending and get yourself back on a budget, Leo. Consider new ways of expanding your income to support the extravagant lifestyle you want to live. On the 10th, Venus enters Scorpio which has you feeling stretched thin between your family's expectations and what you want for yourself.
When Mars enters Libra on the 14th, you're feeling extra spicy so you shouldn't have a hard time speaking up for your needs and asserting your boundaries.
The Full Moon on the 20th can be an emotional time for you. Stock up on plenty of Kleenex and red wine to see you through it. On the 22nd, the Sun enters Libra, making this a good time to hit the books or scour the internet for information on a hobby or project that you want to perfect. Try not to overdo it on the caffeine. Your thirst for knowledge needs to be balanced with time to eat and rest as well. On the 27th, Mercury goes Retrograde which could have you revisiting an old conversation or tying up loose ends on a project.
Virgo
VirgoLaci Jordan for xoNecoleSeptember kicks off with a New Moon in your sign on the 6th inviting you to make a wish for what you want to manifest in this next year. Dream big and watch how the Universe matches your energy in magical ways. On the 10th, Venus enters Scorpio drawing lots of attention your way. Intense connections can form during this transit that help you and others feel seen on a much deeper level, Virgo.
When Mars enters Libra on the 14th, you're focused on solidifying new contracts that will ultimately increase your earning potential.
The Full Moon on the 20th can result in the end of a contract with a client, employer, or partnership but trust that this only creates space for an opportunity or person that is more in alignment with you. On the 22nd, the Sun enters Libra which is revitalizing your self-esteem and reinforcing just how amazing you are. A readjustment of your personal, and financial, boundaries may be necessary in response to this growing recognition of your value. On the 27th, Mercury goes Retrograde so be prepared to revisit some existing agreements and to renegotiate a contract. It's important that you get everything on the table so everything can move forward seamlessly once Mercury goes direct next month.
Libra
LibraLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe month begins with a New Moon inviting you to cut out anything that is draining your life force so you can enter into your new year feeling light and refreshed. On the 10th, Venus enters Scorpio, encouraging you to redefine your relationship values. If your connections have been a little too surface level, you could be craving something deeper. Look within yourself to see how you've been reinforcing relationships that don't provide you with the intimacy you need. On the 14th, Mars shifts into your sign which makes it easier for you to assert yourself and your boundaries.
It's time to take ownership of the world that you are weaving, Libra.
The Full Moon on the 20th is a good time to detox from anything (and anyone) that is weighing you down. Striking a balance between your need for self-care and your responsibilities comes into focus during this time. Your birthday season officially begins when the Sun shifts into your sign on the 22nd, providing you with a much-needed boost of energy. When Mercury goes Retrograde on the 27th, life slows down for the next few weeks giving you a chance to reflect on recent changes and decisions you've made to wrap up certain cycles in your life.
Scorpio
ScorpioLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe New Moon on the 6th invites you to expand your social network, Scorpio. Get outside of your comfort zone and meet some new people that inspire you to grow. On the 10th, Venus enters your sign, making you a magnet for good fortune, divine opportunities, and a whole lot of love. Open your heart to receive all of the blessings available to you. When Mars shifts into Libra on the 14th, your energy levels may be waning.
Get plenty of rest during this transit and be mindful of repressed anger that has more of a tendency to pop out when you're not taking good care of yourself.
The Full Moon on the 20th is a supportive time for revealing a creative project or indulging in some pleasure. Romance is in the air, making this the perfect date night. On the 22nd, the Sun joins Mars which is kicking up the aggression (and possibly some violent dreams). Take note of what your subconscious may be trying to communicate to you. Energy leaks will become all the more apparent during this transit, especially when Mercury goes Retrograde on the 27th. Given the more introspective nature of this transit, you'll be able to gain more clarity into the root of any anger, resentment, or depletion.
Sagittarius
SagittariusLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe beginning of the month brings your attention to your career goals, which may be shifting with this New Moon on the 6th. As much as it's nice to make money, you may find yourself considering how you can be of service to others through the work that you offer to the world. On the 10th, Venus enters Scorpio which could have you attracting some intense connections that may be borderline toxic. You can't save everybody (or really anyone for that matter).
The S on your chest doesn't stand for "Superwoman"--it stands for Sagittarius. Let people handle their own problems.
On the 14th, Mars shifts into Libra bringing your focus to your friendships. Any imbalances will be harder to ignore which could have you pulling back or seeking connection elsewhere. The Full Moon on the 20th gives you an opportunity to make peace with your more vulnerable side that may not have been nurtured in your childhood. On the 22nd, the Sun shifts into Libra, motivating you to collaborate with like-minded people that can help you bring your vision into reality. The month wraps up with Mercury going Retrograde, giving you a chance to breathe new life into an old dream.
Capricorn
CapricornLaci Jordan for xoNecoleSeptember begins on an optimistic note with you looking to expand your horizons around the New Moon on the 6th. Going back to school, committing to a new spiritual practice, or traveling overseas may be on your to-do list. On the 10th, Venus enters Scorpio which helps you deepen your connections with your friends, Capricorn. Be mindful of possessive and controlling energies that can put a damper on the good vibes. When Mars shifts into Libra on the 14th, you're feeling the pressure to make some major boss moves.
Securing contracts, sponsorships, and other partnerships will be a key to your success.
The Full Moon on the 20th heightens your ability to communicate with the spiritual realm. Pay close attention to your dreams. Your ancestors and guides have something they want to communicate to you (and possibly through you). When the Sun shifts into Libra on the 22nd, your motivation to build your legacy needs to be tempered if someone else is involved. You could be coming off even more bossy than usual. Everyone moves at a different pace. Try to lead by example, not by force. On the 27th, Mercury goes Retrograde, giving you a chance to revise any existing contracts and agreements. Read the fine print before getting into any new partnerships during the Retrograde.
Aquarius
AquariusLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe beginning of the month is a bit more introspective for you with the New Moon on the 6th, Aquarius. Spend some time in self-reflection by journaling or catching up with your therapist. On the 10th, Venus enters Scorpio which supports you in conquering your to-do list regarding your career goals. As distracting as the energies may be around you, you're locked into achieving your goals and putting the rest of the world on pause for a bit.
When Mars shifts into Libra on 14th, your wanderlust is gnawing at you to take a break--at least for a pre-Mercury Retrograde vacation.
The Full Moon on the 20th provides you with some miraculous financial breakthroughs that you've been praying for. Treat this blessing as the gift that it is before you go on a shopping spree. Save some money and pay off some of your debt first. On the 22nd, the Sun shifts into Libra, making this a good time to go back to school, sign up for a workshop, or reconnect with your spiritual practice. The month wraps up with Mercury going Retrograde on the 27th, giving you a chance to revisit a former practice or study that brought balance to your life.
Pisces
PiscesLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe month begins with a New Moon on the 6th encouraging you to (re)establish your boundaries based upon your changing needs and desires. Understand that your boundaries are just as fluid as you are and will routinely need to be communicated to those around you, Pisces. On the 10th, Venus enters Scorpio helping you dive deeper into your spiritual studies and practices. This is an extremely regenerative time for you requiring solitude for you to fully tap into the benefits. When Mars shifts into Libra on the 14th, you're diving deep to explore the root of any imbalances in your life--particularly within your relationships.
Any repetitive patterns and lessons you're experiencing may need another unbiased perspective. Talking through it with a therapist can glean insight into your blindspots.
The Full Moon on the 20th takes place in your sign, liberating you from the confines of expectations from others. It's time to take back control of your life by letting go of the unnecessary stress and pressure that comes with trying to make everyone happy. That's not your job. Happiness is an inside job. Hand that responsibility back over to who it belongs to. The Sun shifts into Libra on the 22nd, helping you strike a balance within any financial partnerships you're a part of. Keep a close eye on your budget and spending habits to become more fiscally responsible. The month wraps up with Mercury going Retrograde, helping you clear out some karma regarding intimacy and connection to others.
Featured image by Laci Jordan for xoNecole
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RELATED
Let me start this off by saying that of course, to a certain extent, the answer is subjective because it’s mostly opinion-rather-than-fact driven. However, I personally think that sex is hella impactful, which is why I hope that my personal breakdown will at least cause you to want to think about what you do, who you do it with, and why, more than you may have in the past.
Because although, at the end of the day, the physical aspects of making love, having sex, and f-cking are very similar, you’d be amazed by how drastically different they are in other ways…at the very same time.
Making Love
GiphyBack when I wrote my first book, I wasn’t even 30 at the time and still, one of the things that I said in it is, I pretty much can’t stand the term “make love.” Way back then, I stated that sex between two people who truly love each other and are committed for the long haul, when it comes to what they do in the bedroom, it’s so much more about CELEBRATING love than MAKING it. To make means “to produce” or “to bring into existence;” to celebrate means “to commemorate,” “to perform” or “to have or participate in a party, drinking spree, or uninhibited good time.”
The act of sex, standing alone? It can’t make love happen and honestly, believing otherwise is how a lot of people find themselves getting…got.
What do I mean? Tell me how in the world, you meet a guy, talk to him for a few weeks, don’t even know his middle name or where he was born and yet somehow, you choose to call the first time you have sex with him (under those conditions) “making love.” You don’t love him. You don’t know him well enough to love him. He doesn’t love you either (for the same reason). And yet you’re making love? How sway? Oh, but let that sex be bomb and those oxytocin highs might have you tempted to think that’s what’s happening — and that is emotionally dangerous. And yes, I mean, literally.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times before, that one of the reasons why I like that the Bible defines sex between a husband and his wife is by using the word “know” (Genesis 4:1) is because, well, I think that is what celebrating love is all about — we know each other well enough to know that we love each other, we know each other well enough to know that we aren’t going anywhere, and that knowing is what makes us want to celebrate that union by getting as close to one another and bringing as much physical pleasure to each other as we possibly can…as often as absolutely possible.
To me, that is what the peak of physical intimacy is all about — and the people who choose to use the term “make love,” it should be seen through this type of lens. When this type of mental and emotional bond comes together via each other’s bodies, they are amplifying love, enjoying love, embracing love.
Making it, though? Chile, the love has already been made. Sex is just the icing on the cake.
Having Sex
GiphyA few nights ago, I found myself rewatching this movie called Four of Hearts (which you can currently view on yep, you guessed it: Tubi). It’s about two married couples — one that is in an open marriage and another that isn’t although they somehow thought that sharing a night with the other couple would be a good idea (chile). Anyway, as one of the partners found themselves getting low-key sprung, the one they fell for said in one of the scenes, “It wasn’t a connection. It was just sex.” JUST. SEX.
Listen, when you decide to let a man put an entire part of his body inside of you at the risk of potentially getting an STI/STD or pregnant (because no form of birth control is 100 percent except for abstinence), it can never be “just sex” (somebody really needed to hear that too). At the same time, though, I got the character’s point because, if one or both people do not love each other or even deeply care for one another and/or sex is treated as an activity more than an act to establish a worthwhile connection and/or you and the person you are sleeping with have not really discussed what you are expecting from sex besides the act itself — you’re definitely not making/celebrating love.
Not by a long shot. What can make things get a bit complicated, though, is you’re doing the same act that “love makers” do without the same mental and emotional ties…or (sometimes) expectations.
You know, back when I decided to put all of my business out there via the piece “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners,” now more than ever, I am quite clear that most of those guys fell into the “having sex” category. I wasn’t in the type of relationship with them where “making love” even made sense; however, because I was friends with most of them, we weren’t exactly f-cking (which I will get to in just a moment) either. We had a connection of some sort for the bedroom yet not enough to be together in the other rooms of the house.
We were really attracted and curious, so we decided to act on that. Oftentimes, the sex was good and so we rationalized that “having sex” was enough because if the friendship was, eh, “sound enough”, that we could justify the physical pleasure.
And y’all, that’s kind of what having sex is — it’s the limbo (or purgatory, depending on your situation) between making love and f-cking. The thing about limbo ish is it’s a lot like something being lukewarm: it’s not really one thing or another which means that it can completely blindside you, if you’re not careful (and totally honest with yourself as well as your partner(s)).
So, if you are contemplating having sex, I really — REALLY — recommend that you figure out how you feel, what you want (outside of the act itself) and if you are prepared for what “not quites” can bring. My mother used to say that the consequences of sex don’t change just because the circumstances do — and there is some solid “wow” to that, if you really stop to think about it.
GiphyAnd finally, f-ck. Although most experts on the word (and yes, there are some) agree that its origin is rooted somewhere within the German language (although some say that it might’ve come from Middle English words like fyke or fike which mean “to move about restlessly” or the Norwegian word fukka which means “to copulate”), you might have also heard that it is an acronym that once stood for “Fornication Under Consent of the King”; and there is actually some data that is connected to that as well.
Legend has it that way back in the day, in order to keep reproduction rates where a particular king wanted them to be, he would instruct his residents to have sex with each other — whether they were married or not (hence, the word “fornication” being in the acronym). However, because sex outside of marriage was taken far more seriously at the time, residents had to apply for a permit to participate so that the king could determine if things like their occupation and lineage would prove to be beneficial for the kingdom overall. F-ck: no love; just necessity. And although some believe this to be more myth than fact, what is certain is it was only over time that f-ck was seen as a profane/swear/cuss word — a word that was perceived to be so offensive, in fact, that between the years 1795-1965, it didn’t even appear in dictionaries.
Personally, when I think of this four-letter word, the first thing that actually comes to my mind is animals. Take a dog being in heat, for instance. That’s basically when a female dog is ovulating and wants to have sex the most. It’s not because they are “in love” with another dog; they are simply doing what instinctively comes to them — and since animals do not reason or feel at the same capacity that humans do, although they science says that many of them do experience pleasure when they engage in their version of sexual activity, it’s not nearly as layered or even profound as what we experience.
Let’s keep going. Another reason why f-cking makes me think of animals is due to the doggy style position. Hear me out. Ain’t it wild how, most of us pretty much know that the term comes from how dogs have sex, even though most animals have sex that same way — and think about it: Doggy style doesn’t consist of making eye contact or kissing while having intercourse. It’s “hitting from behind” without much emotional energy or effort at all. Just how animals do it. And so, yeah, f-cking does seem to be more about pure animal — or in our case, mammal — instinct. I don’t need to feel anything for someone, so long as the sexual desire is there. Hmph.
Something else that I find to be interesting about f-cking is how dictionaries choose to define it. Many of them are going to provide you with two definitions: “to have sexual intercourse with” and “to treat unfairly or harshly (usually followed by over)” and that definitely makes me think of another term — casual sex and words that define casual like apathetic, careless and without serious or definite intention. So, the dictionary says that while f-cking is about having sexual intercourse — just like making love and having sex is — it goes a step further and says that it can include being treated unfairly or harshly.
And although that can make you think of assault on the surface, for sure — sometimes being treated unfairly or harshly is simply feeling like someone had sex AT you and not really WITH you; instinct (i.e., getting off) and that’s about it. Yeah, the way this puzzle is coming together, f-cking seems to be more about lust and self and not much else.
Now That You Know the Difference, What to Keep in Mind
Y’all, this is definitely the kind of topic that I could expound on until each and every cow comes home. That said, here’s hoping that I provided enough perspective on each act to close this out by encouraging you to keep the following three things to keep in mind:
1. Before you engage in copulation, be honest with yourself about what you’re ACTUALLY doing — and that your partner agrees with you. You know, they say that our brain is our biggest sex organ and honestly, breaking down the differences between making love, having sex and f-cking helps to prove that fact. I say that because, although the sex act itself is pretty much the same across the board, you and your partner’s mindset can make the experience completely different. That said, if you think that you are making love and they think y’all are just having sex — stuff can get pretty dicey. Bottom line: communicate in the bedroom before attempting to connect outside of it. It’s always worth it when you do.
2. Yes, you can feel one way and do something else. I can just about guess what some of y’all are on: Shellie, we can love our partner and still just want to f-ck. If what you are saying is you can emotionally love someone and physically lust them and want to act sometimes on the lust without really factoring in the love — yes, I agree. Doggy style continues to be a favorite sex position for people, in general, and I’m more than confident that many of the participants polled are in a serious relationship. However, having lust-filled sex with someone who you know loves you is vastly different than doing it with someone who you have no clue what they think about you or you barely know at all. Y’all, please just make sure that you know…what you should know. Sex is too amazing to have a lot of regret after it.
3. Have realistic expectations about sex. Listen, so much of my life consists of writing and talking about sex that I will be the first one to say that it deserves a ton of props for what it is able to do, in a wonderful way, for people mentally, emotionally and physically. Yet again, I’m not a fan of “make love” because something that feels really good doesn’t always mean that it is good for you. Meaning, you’ve got to be real about what sex with someone will do to your mind and spirit — not just what it will do for your body. An author by the name of Gabriel García Márquez once said, “Sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love.” For no one, should this be a constant norm. Feel me? I hope you do.
____
One act. Three very different experiences.
It’s kind of wild that sex has the ability to create that — and yet, clearly, it does.
Please just make sure that you know which experience you’re signing up for.
So that you’re having sex (you know, in general) instead of sex having you. Real talk.
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