This Couple Says That Your Relationship Should Make You Feel Closer To God
In xoNecole's Our First Year series, we take an in-depth look at love and relationships between couples with an emphasis on what their first year of marriage was like.
I desire to be loved wholly and intensely by a man who makes me feel closer to God. Whew, chile. Y'all didn't hear me. Let me run it back for you.
I'm talking about the kind of love that runs so deep that a man gets on his knees and prays over me every day. I want a love so patient that I know that it was divinely ordained by God every time he speaks life over me. The kind of love I'm describing is one that Trade Street Jam Co. owner, Ashley Marie and her husband, Don Rouse have been cultivating for 12 years.
The Brooklyn-based couple, who will welcome their first child in July, recently sat down with xoNecole to give us a glimpse into the first year of their modern-day love story, and according to them, it has been nothing short of an act of God. Ashley explained, "God told me he was the one so long before he proposed. I knew early on that we'd be the ones to break the cycle of divorce that our families were so accustomed to."
In our chat, Ashley and Don got real about faith, fears, finances, and how to find balance when you and your partner speak different love languages.
Here's what we learned:
The One:
Ashley: All I know is, our chemistry was so great. I fell in love with Don the way you fall asleep...slowly, and then all at once. We argued a lot in the beginning (mainly I argued because I'm an only child and I was used to getting my way). But I could never deny how good we were together any other time. Our values really did align perfectly, from schoolwork to family to finances, goals and dreams, I just knew that he made me feel really good inside. And he was so patient with me. I'd never met anyone like that before.
Don: It took me longer to realize Ashley was the one. We actually broke up because I wasn't sure where I wanted to take the relationship. During that period of separation, I learned my father was diagnosed with prostate cancer. It was tough for me as it reminded me of my brother who died from cancer and I couldn't imagine going through this situation again. My dad decided to explore Cancer Treatment Center for his situation and they do a great job of adding faith into the treatment plan. One of their methods is having you engage in activities that made you think about your spirituality. One of these activities was making tranquility beads.
So I am literally sitting with my baby sister and the instructor is telling us to add beads for people we love in our life, people who help us be better people, and people who you are willing to go through fire with. Ashley was the first person that came to my mind. That is when I realized I had f*cked up. I had to swallow my pride and make this right. Luckily she was willing.
Deepest Fears
Ashley: We differ here. I didn't have any fears...honestly!
Don: What fears? (laughs) I was scared about everything. Money, kids and a new chapter of life. When I took a step back, those fears were self-inflicted and came from the wrong perspective. When I changed my perspective on marriage and our union, it changed how I approached the next phase in our relationship.
"I was scared about everything. Money, kids and a new chapter of life. When I took a step back, those fears were self-inflicted and came from the wrong perspective. When I changed my perspective on marriage and our union, it changed how I approached the next phase in our relationship."
Baggage Claim
Ashley: I wouldn't say Don had much "baggage". Again, we were so young when we met. He did have a girl that he used to date that wouldn't really accept that they were over for a while, but she had nothing on me. I did have to unlearn some of my (what I later learned were) selfish habits. Again, I'm an only child––I've only ever had to look out for me. That kinda hit me hard over the years, having to admit that I was being selfish in some ways and learning how not to always think about myself first before others. But like I said, Don was always so patient with me, so he sat back and let me figure it out over the years while always supporting me along the way.
Don: I was used to being self-sufficient and had pride in never needing anything from anyone. However, that isn't going to work in a relationship or marriage. I had to learn to collaborate with my wife versus just solving problems/situations on my own. It is still something I have to work on almost daily.
Love Languages
Ash: I'm still learning how Don gives and receives love. I have to remind myself all the time that he won't show love like I will; he'll show it in much deeper, more meaningful ways than always outwardly expressing it to the world. But man, does he show it. Once you can understand that about your partner, you can grow so much deeper in love.
Don: Our love languages are different but there are some overlaps. I had to learn that I have to intentionally work on making sure I give her what she needs from me. And sometimes, that varies day-to-day.
"I'm still learning how Don gives and receives love. I have to remind myself all the time that he won't show love like I will; he'll show it in much deeper, more meaningful ways than always outwardly expressing it to the world. But man, does he show it. Once you can understand that about your partner, you can grow so much deeper in love."
Important Lessons
Ashley: Marriage really is like a job, one that you can never retire from. But, it can be a really beautiful job that you enjoy wholeheartedly; one that you can't wait to go to and work harder at because you know that the harder you work, the greater the reward. Also, putting God at the forefront will keep us on track forever.
Don: Marriage requires work but a lot of the work is self-reflection. Being able to understand you can't change someone but you can change what you do and how you respond to certain things. Too many times we put the blame on someone else without ever considering our role in a situation.
"Marriage really is like a job, one that you can never retire from. But, it can be a really beautiful job that you enjoy wholeheartedly; one that you can't wait to go to and work harder at because you know that the harder you work, the greater the reward. Also, putting God at the forefront will keep us on track forever."
Overcoming Challenges
Ashley: Don will probably say he mostly worried about being able to support us as a family. I didn't really struggle very much. Women are built for this––we have such maternal instincts to run a household. We had stayed together quite often before actually moving in, so they're weren't many habits that surprised me. He's always been really good at keeping his space pretty clean!
Don: I was worried about finances but we actually figured that out pretty easily. Once we got a good system, finances became less of a concern.
Best Advice
Ashley: Keep other people out of your relationship! Especially family (laughs).
Don: Make sure you increase your date nights and quality time together in your first year. A mentor of mine said it is easy to come off the high of the wedding and things fall flat. The wedding is a great time and you are on an emotional high but you have to make sure you continue that throughout your first year and beyond. We took a few extra trips during our first year and did a good job of having date nights on Friday. That extra quality time made a big difference.
Building Together
Ashley: We really want to raise a healthy, happy family and uproot as many of the systemic things from our culture and our past as we can, like racism against our own people, financial instability, divorce, abuse and more. Now that we're expecting, we have such greater purposes, and we definitely align on what those are.
Don: To raise a family that contributes to the culture. Ash and I are both about helping people, being honest and transparent. If we can establish that in our family, it is a huge win. Our relationship is really rooted in our faith. Since being married, our faith has increased and it makes the meaning of marriage a lot different.
We go through challenges like everyone, but the faith aspect gives us a different perspective on things as those challenges arise. Individually, we are both committed to being better people. We focus on getting better every day in some way and with that mentality, you can't lose.
For more Ashley and Don, follow them on Instagram!
Featured image courtesy of Instagram/@ashleymarierouse.
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
The Reality Of Living With Severe Asthma – As Told by 2 Women On Their Disease Journey
This post is in partnership with Amgen.
The seemingly simple task of taking a breath is something most of us don’t think twice about. But for people who live with severe asthma, breathing does not always come easily. Asthma, a chronic respiratory condition that inflames and narrows the airways in the lungs, affects millions of people worldwide – 5-10% of which live with severe asthma. Severe asthma is a chronic and lifelong condition that is unpredictable and can be difficult to manage. Though often invisible to the rest of the world, severe asthma is a not-so-silent companion for those who live with it, often interrupting schedules and impacting day-to-day life.
Among the many individuals who battle severe asthma, Black women face a unique set of challenges. It's not uncommon for us to go years without a proper diagnosis, and finding the right treatment often requires some trial and error. Thankfully, all hope is not lost for those who may be fighting to get their severe asthma under control. We spoke with Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq. and Jania Watson, two inspiring Black women who have been living with severe asthma and have found strength, resilience, and a sense of purpose in their journeys.
Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq.
Juanita Ingram has a resume that would make anyone’s jaw drop. On top of being recently crowned Mrs. Universe, she’s also an accomplished attorney, filmmaker, and philanthropist. From the outside, it seems there’s nothing this talented woman won’t try, and likely succeed at. In her everyday life, however, Juanita exercises a lot more caution. From a young age, Juanita has struggled with severe asthma. Her symptoms were always exacerbated by common illnesses like a cold or flu. “I've heard these stories of my breathing struggles, but I remember distinctly when I was younger not being able to breathe every time I got a virus,” says Ingram. “I remember missing a lot of school and crying a lot because asthma is painful. I [was taken] to see my doctor often if I got sick with anything so I was hypervigilant as a child, and I still am.”
Today, Juanita says her symptoms are best managed when she’s working closely with her care team, avoiding getting sick and staying ahead of any symptoms. Ingram said she’s been blessed with skilled doctors who are just as vigilant of her symptoms as she is. While competing in the Mrs. Universe competition, Juanita took extra care to stay clear of other competitors to ensure she didn’t catch a cold or virus that would trigger her severe asthma. “I would stand off to the side and sometimes that could be taken as ‘oh, she thinks she's better than everybody else.’ But if I get sick during a pageant, I'm done. I had to compete with that in mind because my sickness doesn't look like everybody else's sickness.”
Even when her symptoms are under control, living with severe asthma still presents challenges. Juanita relies on her strong support system to overcome the hurdles caused by a lack of understanding from the public, “I think that there's a lot of lack of awareness about how serious severe asthma is. I would [also] tell women to advocate and to trust their intuition and not to allow someone to dismiss what you're experiencing.”
Jania Watson
Jania, a content creator from Atlanta, Georgia, has been living with severe asthma for many years. Thanks to early testing by asthma specialists, Jania was diagnosed with severe asthma as a child after experiencing frequent flare-ups and challenges in her day-to-day life. “I specifically remember, I was starting school, and we were moving into a new house. One of the triggers for me and my younger sister at the time were certain types of carpets. We had just moved into this new house and within weeks of us being there, my parents literally had to pay for all new carpet in the house.”
As Jania grew older, she was suffering from fewer flare-ups and thought her asthma was well under control. However, a trip back to her doctor during high school revealed that her severe asthma was affecting her more than she realized. “That was the first time in a long time I had to do a breathing test,” she describes. “The doctor had me take a deep breath in and blow into a machine to test my breathing. They told me to blow as hard as I could. And I was doing it. I was giving everything I got. [My dad and the doctor] were looking at me like ‘girl, stop playing.’ And at that point [it confirmed] I still have severe asthma because I've given it all I got. It doesn't really go away, but I just learned how to help manage it better.”
Jania recognizes that people who aren’t living with asthma, may not understand the disease and mistake it for something less serious. Or there could be others who think their symptoms are minor, and not worth bringing up. So, for Jania, communicating with others about her diagnosis is key. “Having severe asthma [flare-ups] in some cases looks very similar to being out of shape,” she said. “But this is a chronic illness that I was born with. This is just something that I live with that I've been dealing with. And I think it's important for people to know because that determines the next steps. [They might ask] ‘Do you need a bottle of water, or do you need an inhaler? Do you need to take a break, or do we need to take you to the hospital?’ So, I think letting the people around you know what's going on, just in case anything were to happen plays a lot into it as well.”
Like Juanita, Jania’s journey has been marked by ups and downs, but she remains an unwavering advocate for asthma awareness and support within the Black community. She hopes that her story can be an inspiration to other women with asthma who may not yet have their symptoms under control. “There's still life to be lived outside of having severe asthma. It is always going to be there, but it's not meant to stop you from living your life. That’s why learning how to manage it and also having that support system around you, is so important.”
By sharing their journeys, Juanita and Jania hope to encourage others to embrace their conditions, obtain a proper management plan from a doctor or asthma specialist like a pulmonologist or allergist, and contribute to the improvement of asthma awareness and support, not only within the Black community, but for all individuals living with severe asthma.
Read more stories from others like Juanita and Jania on Amgen.com, or visit Uncontrolled Asthma In Black Women | BREAK THE CYCLE to find support and resources.
Here's A Look At Simone Biles And Jonathan Owens' Relationship Timeline
When a young Black woman redefines the entire category of elite gymnastics and becomes the most decorated gymnast — male or female — of all time, you can’t help but take notice. However, the four-time Olympic gold medalist Simone Biles and her husband, Jonathan Owens, have recently made headlines for a less-romantic detail of their love story.
Since becoming engaged in 2021, Owens, an NFL safety for the Green Bay Packers, has persisted that prior to matching with Biles on the celebrity dating app, Raya, he was unfamiliar with her and the history-making titles she holds.
“I didn’t know who she was,” he told Texas Monthly in June 2021. “I just hadn’t heard of her, and when I told her that, that’s one of the things she liked.”
Most of the internet met this revelation with irony and mild confusion since Owens is a new face to most outside of his recent marriage to Biles.
In a recent conversation on The Pivot podcast, Owens spoke to the hosts about the origins of their relationship, rehashing how Biles made the first move by sliding into his DMs after matching on Raya. When podcast host Channing Crowder inquired of Owens, "How did you manage to win over Simone Biles?" the NFL player humorously replied, "It's more like how she won me over."
The football player went on to affirm that he was ultimately “the catch” within the two’s relationship dynamic, leading to online criticism of the remark.
It’s safe to say that Biles’ history-defining trajectory is difficult to ignore, making her a “catch” in our eyes. Nevertheless, to acquaint you with the couple’s love story, here's a breakdown of the timeline of their relationship.
Simone Biles and Jonathan Owens' Complete Relationship Timeline
March 2020: Simone Biles and Jonathan Owens Meet on Raya
Biles and Owens’ love story began at the start of the COVID-19 lockdown, after matching on Raya. With the world on pause, the two took advantage of their less busy schedules to build a foundation for their connection.
"It was one of the few times in [Simone's] life where everything was just shut off and she couldn't do anything," Owens shared in an interview with Today. "So we used it to get to know each other — really get to know each other. It created our bond and made it stronger. Now I'm so thankful."
August 2020: Simone Biles and Jonathan Owens Make Things Instagram Official
In the summer of 2020, Biles and Owens locked in their relationship, making things Instagram-official. The gymnast shared a round of cozy photos of her and Owens hugged up together with a caption that read, "It's just us." The footballer planted a kiss on Biles to seal the deal.
February 2021: Simone Biles and Jonathan Owens Spend Their First V-Day Together
For their first Valentine’s Day together, the lovebirds went all out to celebrate the romantic occasion. Biles took to Instagram to share their extravagant V-Day layout filled with heart-shaped balloons, rose petals covering the floor, and a sign displaying “LOVE” as their backdrop. Biles’ caption read, "lucky to be loved by you 💘."
July 2021: Jonathan Owens Praises Simone Biles for Her ‘Strength’ and ‘Courage’ During the 2021 Olympics
Owens showed that he has Biles’ back after she withdrew from the individual all-around finals at the 2021 Tokyo Olympic Games by sharing a heartfelt post in support of his lady on Instagram.
“Imma ride with you through whatever baby,” Owens wrote. “Your strength and courage is unmatched and you inspire me more and more everyday SB. You always gone be my champ baby and don’t you ever forget that, i love you so much and i can’t wait till you come home and i get to see that beautiful smile again. You know I’m always here for you baby.”
In the comments, Biles wrote, “I love you so much.”
February 2022: Simone Biles Says 'Yes' to Jonathan Owens' Valentine's Day Proposal
Following Valentine’s Day, Biles said “yes!” to the football player’s marriage proposal. They shared a post of their engagement announcement in a carousel of adoring photos with Owens on bended knee.
"THE EASIEST YES," Biles wrote in the caption. "I can't wait to spend forever & ever with you, you're everything I dreamed of and more! let's get married FIANCÉ 💍🥺🥲🤎 @jowens_3."
April 22, 2023: Simone Biles and Jonathan Owens Exchange Vows in an Intimate Setting
The wedding bells were ringing! Biles and Owens exchanged vows during a civil ceremony at the Harris County Courthouse in Houston, Texas. The gymnast captioned the slideshow of wedding day photos writing, "I do 🤍 officially owens 🤍."
Owens echoed his affection with a post, captioned: "My person, forever ❤️💍."
May 4, 2023: Simone Biles Marries Jonathan Owens a Second Time During a Destination Wedding in Mexico
After their private courthouse wedding, the couple hosted a lavish destination wedding in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, with 144 guests.
In a video segment with Vogue, Biles shared, “I think this is exactly how brides are supposed to feel. Luxurious, beautiful, kind of on top of the world.”
October 19, 2023: Simone Biles Opens Up About How Marriage Changed Her Outlook on Gymnastics
While on the Today show, Biles opened up about her changed perspective on gymnastics since marrying Owens, conveying a sense of fulfillment beyond the sport.
"Gymnastics is just something I get to come in and have the privilege of doing,” Biles shared. “I don’t feel like it’s the end all be all anymore, as before I kind of felt like that. I get to go home to my husband, to my dogs, to my house and all of the things. So it feels really good.”
December 2023: Jonathan Owens’ Comments on ‘The Pivot’ Podcast Sparks Backlash From Simone Biles Fans
During an episode of The Pivot podcast, host Crowder asked Owens, "How in the hell did you pull Simone Biles?"
In response, the football player said, "It's really how she pulled me, man, that's the question.”
Owens went on to double down on their origin story, stating that he was initially unfamiliar with Biles, "When she won the Olympics, I was in college, and we didn't have NBC, we didn't have Olympics channels, and we were in [training] camp [in] late July, early August.”
He added, “So I'm not paying attention. I never would've had a moment where I would've watched [her compete].”
When questioned whether he saw himself as the prize in his relationship with Biles, the NFL star stated that, "I always say that the men are the catch."
While Owens eventually revealed he was initially “afraid to commit” because "I'm like, 'It's kinda early.'”
He continued, “But you know, it happens when you least expect it. When we hung out, we just hit it off instantly. Laughed the whole night.”
Following the backlash, the couple responded on their perspective social media pages. Owens posted a photo from their wedding on his Instagram with the caption, "Unbothered 😂❤️ Just know we locked in over here 🤞🏽."
While Simone took a comedic approach and tweeted, "are y'all done yet?" with a meme of a little kid scratching their head.
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Feature image by Carmen Mandato/Getty Images