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Resolving To Kick Your Product Junkie Habit? Here's Your Game Plan For 2024.
You’ve probably heard that the beauty industry is a staggering $90 billion one (that’s annually). However, what you may not know is, reportedly, folks spend close to $750 a year on their products. I mean, based on your own budget, that might not be much to you yet as someone who knows that preparing for retirement is closer now than my college days were at this point, that’s pretty steep to me, especially since I know that, easily half of what I currently have on the skincare and hair care tip, I barely even use.
Me? Aside from the products that I try in order to create content (that’s free stuff and also why I have so much of it), I gave up being a product junkie years ago. It was hard, yet it was also hella liberating. It freed up space. It freed up money. And it helped me to focus on what I know my skin and hair need as opposed to what the industry tries to cram down my throat.
So, why is my mission what it is today? If the beauty world is making billions, of course, they’re gonna try and sell you everything under the sun. Yet if you want to only purchase what will be truly effective for you this year so that you can keep some space and some coins, here are some tips that fully freed me from the bondage of always digging underneath my bathroom sink and knocking stuff over, only to be pissed as I cleaned it up (if ya know, ya know).
1.Learn Your Actual Skin and Hair Texture
The benefit of being in the information age with internet access to boot is there is so much intel that’s readily at your disposal (which is why I don’t get how so many debates about opinions happen on social media when you can just open up a browser and find the facts). The challenge is sometimes there’s so much stuff to learn about that it can become super overwhelming. And honestly, I think that’s how a lot of us end up becoming product junkies in the first place. There’s one influencer on IG who says her skin is bomb due to one product, while someone on TikTok guarantees a totally different product will give you the same outcome.
And don’t even get me started on how many debates naturalistas have on YouTube about what works well on their hair vs. what doesn’t. If you try and take everyone’s opinion into account, you can easily look up and have two cabinets that are filled with stuff that you either don’t use or don’t like. *le sigh*
What’s my suggestion? Well, something that I did that helped me to get some of my cabinet space back was really figuring out what my own skin and hair texture was before making another purchase — and that alone totally changed the game. Because the reality is, someone can say that a particular product gave them flawless skin, yet if their skin type is dry and yours is oily, it could end up doing your own skin more harm than good.
So, what if you have no clue what your skin or hair type actually is? Sites like Skin Type Solutions (quiz is here), Ask the Scientists (quiz is here), and even Sephora (quiz is here) have online tests that you can take as far as your skin goes. YouTubers like Angela C. Styles (here) and Daye La Soul (here) can help you learn more about your hair type and texture. I super appreciate LaToya Ebony Hair’s channel for explaining the difference between 4b and 4c hair (here). Also, Naturally Curly (quiz is here) and Carol’s Daughter (quiz is here) can help you figure out what your hair type and texture are as well.
That way, as you’re moving through a sea of recommendations and suggestions, you can better narrow down what will prove to be the most effective for your hair strands personally. Knowledge is power. This includes when it comes to your skin and hair.
2.Acknowledge That Hair Products Actually Do Expire
Did y’all know that both skin and hair products expire? Yep. When it comes to skin ones, if they’ve got more oil than water in them, they tend to have a longer shelf life; although most skincare experts say that if you’ve got something that didn’t come with an expiration date but you’ve been holding onto it for 2-3 years, it’s time to toss it. As far as your hair goes, if a bottle of, say shampoo or conditioner has been opened, you shouldn’t keep it around for more than 12 months after you first used it.
And what if you’re not sure what to do? A solid rule is to pay attention to if the appearance or texture of a skin or hair product has changed. If that is indeed the case, go ahead and toss it. No sense in keeping something around if it’s not going to be effective — and if it doesn’t look or feel like it did when you first purchased it…chances are, it won’t be.
3.Toss Out What You Don’t Use on a Weekly Basis
Okay, while this rule isn’t 100 percent, I would say that it’s probably around 70 percent accurate. What I mean by that is that there’s a good chance that you don’t wash your hair, like clockwork, every seven days. And so, the main point here is, if something is not in consistent rotation, all it’s really doing is taking up space.
For instance, I’ve got a couple of bottles of braid-out and edge control products that absolutely need to get up and out from underneath my bathroom sink before 2024 because all they do is leave a white residue and a frizz-like hold (I won’t say no names but some products out here charge way too much money for the chaos that they create). Why haven’t I done it? It’s honestly because there is a part of me that thinks that, perhaps if I blend those items with something else, they will be useful.
However, since I haven’t tried that yet and also since other products are serving me just fine, I need to let that “fantasy” go and put them in the trash. Clutter is clutter, no matter what lie I might tell myself. Words to live by, sis. Words to freakin’ live by.
4.Make Sure Products Are Seasonal Not Emotional
Something that some people don’t take into consideration is the fact that your skin and hair oftentimes need different products based on the season that they are in. For instance, since winter is the time when we’re in dry indoor heat quite a bit, it would make sense to use a thicker moisturizer and hair conditioner than in the summer season; that’s what I mean by getting a “seasonal product.”
So, what do I mean by an emotional product? Just like you can have a bad hair day, you can have a “bad product reaction” sometimes. For instance, one of my absolute favorite braid-out creams, sometimes we work seamlessly together — sometimes we don’t. A bit of trial and error has revealed that on the wash days, when I use a heavy protein treatment, the product doesn’t take too well to it (go figure).
Anyway, what I used to do in times past was go out and buy 2-3 other popular braid-out products. Now, I just add a bit more patience in how I apply the one that I have.
Emotions are about feelings. When you want to stop being a product junkie, you’ve got to bring some logic and common sense into play. So yeah, when you’re out here doing your thing on your skin and hair, seasonal shifts in your products make sense; hinging everything on emotion (how you “feel” about your hair at the time) is unnecessary and costly. Literally.
5.Stop “Stress Shopping”
I can’t believe that at my big age, sometimes I will still get random breakouts — and, of course, they happen at the most unexpected and inopportune times. Although I know that oftentimes, like a cold, I just need to let it all run its course…I also know that I’ve got a solid skincare routine, and I just need to leave things be. Still, sometimes the stress of a perfectly (or imperfectly, depending on how you look at it) placed zit will have me out here looking for any and everything that says it will zap it in 24 hours or less.
And that, my friends, is what I call “stress shopping.” Even a pimple patch (which is actually pretty bomb when you want to reduce the swelling of a zit) is not going to make your skin look like a pimple was never there in a day. So, if you’re out here wasting money because you’re looking for a quick fix, accept that 9.5 times out of 10, there is no such thing, and so, all you’re gonna do by purchasing more stuff is spend more money, which now stresses your bank account out — which profits (pun intended) you nothing.
6.Who Cares If It’s Popular. Does It Work? FOR YOU?
And finally, this point right here can apply in so many ways and on so many levels. Thankfully, I’ve never been the kind of person (not as an adult anyway) who really cared to do something because it was “popular” — and it has served me well. Skincare and hair care products are not exempt because — and again, I won’t say no names — I can’t tell you how many times someone has told me that I’m crazy for not literally buying into a brand (or product from a brand), I got a test sample and either I was less than impressed, or my scalp or skin got irritated from it.
Personally, some of the best items that have worked for me are homemade products on Etsy’s site. The ingredients are natural, and the prices are fair. That’s just me…what works for me. Just make sure that if you are starting 2024 by promising yourself that you won’t be a product junkie anymore that you will really ponder what works for you and stick with that. It’ll save you time, money, and unnecessary drama. And won’t your skin and hair be thankful for that, chile.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
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This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
The Common Denominator Is You. So, Why Do You Keep Choosing The Wrong Men?
Everywhere you go, there you are. It’s one of those popular sayings (kind of like “It is what it is”) that I find myself using a lot, especially when I’m in sessions with my clients. Why? Well, it’s kind of likean article that I once read that pretty much said our culture likes to play the toxic game of blaming other people because it’s an easy way to deflect from personal accountability (check out “What It Actually Means To 'Hold Yourself Accountable'”). So true, so true,
Well, another way of saying “everywhere you go, there you are” is using the math term “common denominator” — and today, what we’re going to attempt to tackle is, why is it that some of us, if we stepped back a moment to take a very real and honest assessment of our dating life, do we always end up with the same kind of guy? One who really isn’t the best for us; sometimes, not even close.
Before getting into some questions that I think can help you get to the answer, let me just say that this is definitely one of the kinds of pieces that may step on at least your pinky toe before it’s all said and done. At the same time, although this might not be the most comfortable of reads, keep in mind what the late poet, singer, and publisher Tuli Kupferberg once said, “When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.”
And so, if when it comes to the caliber of men you’ve dated, what you’ve been doing is revealing that your pattern is not really working for your ultimate good, spend a bit of time trying to unpack just why that could be the case — why, at the end of the day, you truly are the common denominator in it all.
How Self-Aware Are You?
About five years ago, I penned an article for the site entitled “These Are The Things Self-Aware People Do Daily.” You know, of all of the things to be in this life, prioritizing self-awareness is king because self-aware people do things like hold themselves accountable, know their strengths and weaknesses, identify their triggers, have good boundaries, self-reflect, pay attention to their own “blind spots” — and they can — eh hem — take feedback and constructive criticism pretty well.
That last one? If you’re constantly in a hamster wheel or even a cul-de-sac when it comes to men, be honest with yourself: did your family, friends, hell, even your co-workers warn you about some of the guys you dated, and you found yourself either defending, deflecting or getting offended? Yeah, self-aware people don’t get down like that because they would rather have peace and be wrong than act like they are always right and remain in chaos.
So yeah, if you’re always in some foolishness or even in relationships that are simply a counterproductive waste of time, pondering how self-aware you actually are is a really good place to start. Self-reflect. Know your weaknesses. Listen to what others have to say about your tendencies. All of this can do you a whole lot of good.
How Humble Are You?
Society is a wild place, boy. The reason why I say that is because, while it’s out here acting like humility is a bad thing, Scripture says, “By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches and honor and life.” (Proverbs 22:4) And why is humility such a vital spiritual attribute? Because, when you’re humble — you’re grateful; you’re teachable; you’re open to seeing things outside of your own perspective; you’re compassionate and empathetic; you’re flexible; you’re forgiving, and you’re able to release your ego so that you can accept what you need over what you want.
What you need over what you want. Chile, if that doesn’t keep some people in cyclic stuff, I honestly don’t know what does. There’s a client that I have right now who only contacts me when she’s basically blown up her life because she constantly gets caught up in a man’s looks and bedroom performance. When I tell her that she needs to stop making that #1 and #2 of things to look for in a relationship, she “uh-huh's” me and then does what she wants to do anyway — only for it to end up wreaking all sorts of havoc…again.
It’s another message for another time about how some of us could stand to look within to see if wanting a fine man above all else is more about validating some deep-rooted insecurities that we have about our own looks (ouch). For now, I’ll just say that if your ego is out here telling you that looks and sexual performance should trump things like character and consistency, it is LYING to you. If you chose to heed the humble side of yourself, you would know that.
And this actually brings me to my next question.
How Stuck Are You in Your “Type”?
The reason why I wrote “According To Experts, We All Have A ‘Type’” back in the day is because it’s true — pretty much all of us have a type which is pretty much a preference; there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that either. At the same time, I’m advising, from very up close and personal experience, that it’s a good idea to spend some time pondering “the origin story” of where your type came from.
Me? I’m always gonna be down for a very tall, hella chocolate, basketball (or soccer) build Black man. However, I’m a sexual abuse survivor and my molester looked a lot like that, so during the healing process of what he did to me, I had to factor in his influence. Plus, my first love also fits the physical mold and he definitely had quite an impact on my life. So…see what I mean? My type didn’t just come out of nowhere. Yes, sometimes your type may have some trauma or drama attached to it. And yes, that might be really uncomfortable to think about; still, that doesn’t mean it’s not true.
Now my late fiancé? He was right at about 6’ and, complexion-wise, he was lighter than I am. He treated me better than most of the men of my past, though — and even though he definitely pursued me for a while to get me to consider us beyond being friends, because I took a risk outside of my type, I learned what it was like to be loved in a healthy way. And what that did for me was it taught me to remain open outside of my standard type. I still like a tall-ass Godiva man, chile (and don’t let him have a beard and be in a tailored suit!). I don’t limit myself to that package, though. To do so would be severely limiting — potentially tragic even.
How Healed Are You?
“Healed” is a word that comes up A LOT in the social media space. When it comes to relationships, specifically, it’s important to ask yourself if you are healed from your past because, if you aren’t, you very well could be reliving it over and over…and over again, whether you realize it (or choose to accept it) or not.
Just so that we’re all on the same page, the word “heal” means things like healthy, sound, and whole. Synonyms for the word include improve, restore, mend, soothe, and rehabilitate. Signs that you have healed from past hurts of a relationship (or a series of relationships) include you don’t think of them with anger or bitterness; you can see the silver linings from the experience; you’ve forgiven them for things that they did wrong (or that simply hurt you — and no, that’s not always one and the same), and you don’t pick (or avoid) other people to be in your life solely based on what someone else did to you.
What I mean by that last one is an unhealed woman may say something like, “I don’t want to do [such and such] for a first date. That’s what my ex liked to do.” The new guy isn’t him, so why does he have to be beholden to your past? Or, “I don’t trust men who won’t let me go through their phone. That’s how I found out my ex was cheating.” You know, for all of the women who like to play a non-animated form ofInspector Gadget (the real ones know), they sure don’t want their phones inspected as much as they like to do all of the inspecting. SMDH. Anyway, I don’t go through phones. For what? I don’t pay the bill and I’m not anyone’s parent. And so, your next guy not preferring it either? That doesn’t automatically mean that he’s up to no good — he may just want his boundaries respected. An unhealed person may not accept that. A healed one tends to, though.
And how can being unhealed play a direct role in you choosing the same guys over and over again? It’s weird because, sometimes you will go back to what’s familiar to you — because the new guy is such a risk, you’d prefer to “stick to the devil you know” than take a chance on someone who rolls very differently. It’s a cryptic way of remaining the common denominator in your dating dynamics. Oh, but it happens all of the time, chile.
What Makes a Man WRONG for You? Specifically?
Okay, with a lot of the inner work out of the way, how do you even come to the conclusion that someone (or several people) is wrong for you? Because you know what? Once you’ve done some real healing (and serious maturing), you can oftentimes find yourself accepting the fact that just because someone may not be right for you, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. No, not at all.
Although the word “wrong” can mean that something or someone isn’t morally right, wrong also means things like erroneous, not suitable or appropriate, not in accordance with certain requirements, or — and please catch it — out of order (which sometimes consists of the right thing happening at the wrong time). So, if it does seem like you keep choosing (because it is always a choice; that is also where accountability comes in) men who aren’t appropriate, aren’t in accordance with your needs or standards, or who aren’t what you need at the time — why is that? Is it rooted in fear? Impatience? Settling? What?
I have had enough clients go through this to know that it’s not good enough to be abstract about someone being “wrong” for you. You need to set aside one weekend, get some wine and a fresh journal, and really get into what wrong looks like. For instance, if you keep lowering your standards (which is the wrong thing to do, by definition), why is that? Because no matter how wrong the guy may ultimately turn out to be, what you have to be willing to accept is — again — you chose him. Why do you choose what’s wrong? Because, more times than not, some red (or at least orange) flags were waving long before the relationship came crashing down; oftentimes, they reveal themselves within the first couple of dates. You just chose to ignore them.
One more.
Do You Know a Good Man When You See One? You Sure?
As we close all of this out, when you get a chance, please check out “Question: Is The Man In Your Life Good 'TO' You? Good 'FOR' You? Or...Both?” Learning the difference between “to” and “for” took my own relational processing to an entirely new and freeing level. And you know what? Back to the healing point, another way to know that you’ve healed is you don’t generalize men. Meaning, that if you’re out here declaring that there aren’t any good ones, that’s not true; you’re just jaded (I mean, it’s the truth), and that head and energy space is affecting your judgment and perspective.
That said, if you’re constantly selecting the wrong men, ask yourself if you even know what a good man looks like (cue India.Arie’s “Good Man”). Again, by definition, good means things like morally excellent, right, kind, friendly, benevolent, educated, financially sound (not rich, stable and responsible…goodness), genuine, reliable, dependable, responsible, attractive, warm, intimate — satisfactory to the purpose (yes, that’s a literal definition).
For a man to be good for you, you need to know what purpose he is to serve at this particular point in your life because if, for example, all men seem to do, in your eyes, is use you for sex, why are you prioritizing sex over an emotional connection if the latter is the purpose that you seek right now? A lot of women can stop being the common denominator when it comes to choosing the wrong man if they 1) become the good that they seek and 2) do not betray the purpose behind why they even desire a relationship in the first place.
____
I know. When things aren’t going your way when it comes to matters of the heart, it can be easy to always say it’s the man’s fault. If there’s a pattern, though, please be a bit more self-reflective than that.
Once you do, you’d be amazed by how much about you shifts — to where the wrong guys can’t even get close to you, in the way that they used to, anymore.
Because you cease to be the “common denominator” you once were.
And how wonderful is that?
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