Love is love, but we all know that sometimes, black love just hits a lil' different, and Ryan Destiny and Keith Powers are one celebrity couple that we just can't get enough of. The usually tight-lipped couple recently sat down with We The Urban to give us all the details on their modern-day, melanated fairytale and our hearts cannot take it.
Ryan and Keith's love story began in 2015 at a Teen Vogue party, where Ryan's one-day Prince Charming said that he was so smitten by her beauty that he was too nervous to ask her out. Over the course of the next year, the two communicated via social media and found themselves crossing paths more frequently than ever. Eventually, the couple's casual friendship evolved into a whirlwind romance that we can't get enough of. In their interview with We The Urban, the couple revealed that while it may not have been love at first sight, the chemistry between them was undeniable since the beginning. Ryan explained:
"I had shamefully liked Keith since we met though. We were just friends for a minute. So when we let things naturally happen, if you let it, love falls in naturally too."
As two wildly popular stars in the public eye, their relationship hasn't been easy, but both of these boo'd-up celebrities say that having the opportunity to love one another makes the struggle for privacy more than worth it. Keith told We The Urban that it didn't take long for him to realize that Ryan was the one:
"I realized I was in love when I knew my life would be extremely affected in a negative way if Ryan wasn't in it. Loving someone is a very natural feeling that just happens. You can't just wake up and SAY I love this person, you FEEL it. You realize like wow, this person is a piece of me and regardless you don't ever want that person out of your life."
The couple made their relationship official in October of 2016 and they are still going strong. Ryan and Keith may be young, but they are ready to be a positive example of black love and we are here for all of it. In their interview, they dropped some major gems about maintaining a healthy relationship in this digital day and age. Here were the highlights:
Nothing Worth Having Comes Easy
Keith explained that being in a relationship inspired him to change as a man, but we all know that real change is never easy. The New Edition Story actor says his relationship with Ryan hasn't been easy, but nothing worth having comes without doing the work first:
"It taught me how much I love myself, it taught me about my insecurities, it taught me how to be more of a man. I'm still learning about myself. I think relationships really help you as a human. You have to be a student in a relationship as well, you have to be willing to learn. It also shows me that it's going to be work regardless. It'll never be perfect and you have to be willing to put in the work. It's not easy but anything worth having isn't."
Privacy Is Key
Minding your own damn business has become a foreign concept in the digital age, making relationships much harder for the people that are in them. Keith and Ryan are the masters of keeping things low-key and shared that privacy has been one of the most important factors in keeping their relationship as strong as Teflon. Keith said:
"The more you keep private the happier you'll be. It's not easy being in a public relationship, so you try to keep as much as you can private. Control your own narrative, don't give people too much because they make up stuff from the outside looking in. It's also very important to communicate and let each other know how you feel."
Ryan said that initially, they tried to hide their relationship for a number of reasons, but now, although things don't seem to get any easier, they fight to find a balance that works best for them:
"It's not easy, not going to lie. For a minute we tried to hide it for numerous reasons.. but as human beings sometimes you want to just shout to the world 'I love this person and I'm happy!' We try to find a balance. I'm already a private person and very career driven so reminding people that I am my own person is important. Luckily, for the most part, people recognize that."
If You're Not Growing Together, You're Growing Apart
I'm not the same person I was six months ago, and I'm for damn sure not the same person I was six years ago, and that's okay. The only thing consistent in life is change, so it's important to have a partner that you can grow with because if you're not growing together, you're growing apart. At only 24- and 26-years-old, Ryan and Keith are both in the process of building a legacy and growth is crucial to reaching their maximum potential. While some people may see their age as a downside to their relationship, the former STAR actress says that finding love at a young age is truly a blessing:
"I think there's a sense of freedom you feel at this age. I'm endless. I can do anything. Go anywhere. Create myself. Make mistakes. Learn. Make some more of them. Just grow in general. I think growing with someone at this age is interesting. It's beautiful to look back and see who a person was when you met them vs. now. We evolve every year. And… I don't think that ever stops no matter what age you are. I love that."
Keith says that because change is so consistent in our lives, we have to always be willing to learn something new. He explained:
"It's always great to grow with someone. You got more time for your love to get stronger. You get to make mistakes and learn, you also grow as a human. I believe love teaches. You get to be active in love young and you also get through obstacles you don't have to worry about when you get older."
Love Can Get Messy…
To us, it may seem like Ryan and Keith's relationship is all sexy selfies and butterflies, but in reality, they deal with relationship problems just like the rest of us. To Ryan, the key to overcoming these hard times is changing your paradigm:
"There have been many moments in our relationship that made my heart feel heavy. In a good way and sometimes not so good way. In those moments, whatever they may be... the way I would think and feel wouldn't feel surface anymore. You see things differently. Want to be different. The best you for yourself. The best you for your other. Knowing things will get-if anything more difficult but knowing you both are IN it. Once I realized that, and then some, it was a rush."
So Make Sure To Love Yourself First.
You should never be with someone who makes you feel hard to love, and yes, that includes yourself, sis. Before you explore your relationship options, you have to take the time to really get to know yourself, and that's exactly what Ryan Destiny did before meeting her current boo. She explained:
"How much I love myself. I got out of a relationship years ago because I needed time to work on that. Now around this time of my life, I've learned to see how much I do. There's a quote from a writer I love, 'Do not attach your happiness to anyone without checking in with yourself first.' I've always known the importance of that. Getting to that place is the challenge. Once you're there, you feel the difference. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually different and it is wildly beneficial for both people."
Read the full interview here!
Featured image via Instagram
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These days, it's for a completely different purpose, though. Now that I am in the hopefully latter stages of perimenopause (I’m not sure because my mother had a full hysterectomy at 29, her mother died at 53 and I don’t deal with my paternal grandmother because…chile… ) — although I have always had relatively easy cycles and I could definitely set my watch to them, about two years ago, my periods started to show up whenever they felt like it and it was damn near a crime scene once they did.
It was driving me crazy, and so, my nurse practitioner recommended that I take progestin-only pills to shorten, if not completely stop, my cycle: “After a year or so, we can wean off and see if you are entering into menopause on your own.” (Whew, perimenopause, chile.)
Although the first five months of being on this particular pill made me wonder if it was worth it to take this approach, I actually re-upped for another 12-month cycle because the extra progestin (a synthetic form of progesterone) has benefitted me in other areas as well because I am sleeping more soundly and my weight is more stabilized (by the way, when these things are “off,” they are signs of low progesterone levels). However, I did ask my nurse practitioner if, once I do decide to wean off of the pill, would there be any issues.
Her response is what inspired me to write this article because, until she said “post-birth control syndrome” to me, I had no idea there was such a thing. Anyway, if you give me a sec, I’ll explain to you what it is and why you should care if hormone-related birth control is currently a part of your life.
Yes, Post-Birth Control Syndrome Is a Very Real Thing
GiphyOkay, so it’s important to always remember that the way that birth control works is it “manipulates” your hormones so that you can significantly reduce your chances of conceiving. This means that taking them could result in some side effects including nausea; weight gain; headaches; irregular periods and/or spotting; increased stress; depression; blurry vision; breast tenderness, and/or a lowered libido.
That said, even though birth control pills are basically 99 percent effective (when taken correctly and consistently), if the side effects that you are experiencing are making you close to miserable, you should absolutely share that with your healthcare provider because…what’s the sense in preventing pregnancy when you don’t even feel up to having sex because you don’t feel good or your sex drive is shot? More times than not, your provider can find you another pill brand or option that will help you to feel more like yourself.
With that out of the way, think about it — if going on the pill can produce side effects, why would going off of it…not? And this is where post-birth control syndrome comes in.
For the most part, it’s what can happen to your body once you decide to come off of birth control. Typically, the symptoms will last anywhere between 4-6 months and, although the symptoms seem to present themselves most intensely as it relates to going off of the pill, any hormone-related birth control (like IUDs, injections, patches, the ring or implants) could produce similar outcomes.
Outcomes like what?
- Irregular cycles
- Breakouts
- Excessive gas and/or bloating
- Weight gain
- Anxiety and/or depression
- Fertility issues
- Migraines and/or headaches
- Shifts in your libido
- Sleeplessness/restlessness
- Hair loss
Whoa, right? And if a part of you is wondering, “Okay, if this is indeed the case, why have I not heard of this syndrome before?” It’s because it’s not a term that conventional method uses nearly as much as alternative medicine does. Still, it makes all of the sense in the world that if your body has to adjust to an uptick in hormonal intake, it would also need to adjust to removing those extra doses of hormones from your system as well. COMMON. DAMN. SENSE.
Anyway, if you were thinking about taking a break from birth control and taking all of this in has you feeling a bit…let’s go with the word “trepidatious” about doing so, I totally get it. There are some things that you can do to make experiencing post-birth control syndrome either a non-issue or a far more bearable one, though.
7 Home Remedies That Can Make Coping with Post-Birth Control Syndrome Easier
Giphy1. Take a multivitamin.Something that’s fascinating about what going off of birth control can do is it sometimes has the ability to lower your nutrition levels as it relates to certain vitamins and minerals; this is especially the case when it comes to vitamins B, C, E and minerals like magnesium, selenium and zinc. So, if you don’t currently take a multivitamin, now would be the time to start (along with consuming foods that are particularly high in those nutrients as well).
2. Up your vitamin D intake. Speaking of nutrient levels, a vitamin level that commonly drops after going off of birth control isvitamin D. This is hella critical to keep in mind as a Black woman since many of us tend to be naturally deficient in the vitamin as-is and vitamin D is important when it comes to fighting off diseases, regulating weight and keeping your moods stabilized (for starters). So, make sure that your multivitamin has vitamin D in it. Also make sure to consume vitamin D-enriched foods like fatty fish, eggs, mushrooms, yogurt and fortified orange juice.
3. Drink herbal teas. Since going off of birth control will cause your hormones to be all over the place for a season, consider drinking some herbal teas that will help to stabilize them. Black cohosh contains phytoestrogen properties, Chasteberry can help to level out your prolactin levels and green tea can help your hormones out by helping to balance out your insulin (which can sometimes directly affect them).
4. Keep some ibuprofen nearby. The headaches and migraines? Until those subside, you and ibuprofen are probably going to become really good friends; although I will add that ginger tea and inhaling essential oils like chamomile and lavender can help to ease migraine-related symptoms too.
5. Do some meditating. Waiting for your hormones to get back on track can be stressful as all get out. That said, something that can get your cortisol (stress hormone) levels to chill out is to meditate. If meditation is new for you, check out “7 Meditation Hacks (For People Who Can't Seem To Do It).”
6. Get massages. As if you needed an excuse to get a massage, right (check out “12 Different Massage Types. How To Know Which Is Right For You.”)? However, there is some evidence to back the fact that regular massages (somewhere around once a month) can help to lower your stress, boost your dopamine, increase blood flow and drain your lymphatic system so that you will have more energy.
7. Sleep/rest more. There is plenty of scientific research out here which says that sleep deprivation can throw your hormones out of whack — and since your hormones are already trying to stabilize themselves, you definitely need to get 6-8 hours of sleep and not feel the least bit guilty about taking naps sometimes too.
____
Post-birth control syndrome may not be the most pleasant thing about getting off of birth control yet it is manageable. So, now that you know all about it, you can feel more confident about taking a birth control break (or getting off altogether) — without the surprises that can come with doing it. Give thanks.
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