While listening to some R&B slow jams, one of the songs that came up in the rotation was Tyrese's "One". It starts out with the lines, "Let me start by saying that you're the one. It's the first time I felt like this player's done." As I continued to listen, I thought about many of the conversations that I've had with husbands over the years. It inspired me to hit some of them up to ask what made them come to the conclusion that their wife is their one. Still.
It's not so that we all will use their answers as the barometer for our own journey—after all every love story is different. It's more so that we can see through the lens of men on what many of them find to be valuable when it comes to choosing a mate and ultimately saying, "I do". Anyway, here's what 10 happily married men shared with me. (I appreciate you guys, for the insight.)
Joshua, 40. Married for 11 years.
"I like this question because I haven't thought about it in a long time. My wife is my rock. I don't mean that to sound cliché, but no one has ever held me down like she does. In the past, there were a lot of beautiful and smart women that I dated but a lot of ladies don't understand what it means to be a real encourager and support system for men. Even before we got married, my wife made me feel like the sky was the limit when it came to my dreams and desires. She wasn't critical. She wasn't negative. She's still not. I knew she was the one for me because she made me see myself in ways that no one else had. She still does."
Alan, 31. Married for three years.
"Right when I met my wife, I had just gotten out of a long-term relationship. What stood out to me about her is she really listened. She became a source of peace for me that I hadn't experienced with another woman, not even my mom or sisters.
"When a man can be fully vulnerable, it feels safe and when we feel safe, that is when we know we've found someone really special."
Finn, 42. Married for 15 years.
"What's interesting is, I think I believe she's more 'the one' now than I did on our wedding day. You've got to be married a while before you realize, even as a man, that a lot of that movie BS is just that—BS. You can be attracted to a lot of people. You can have great sex with a ton of 'em too. I married my wife because I trusted her. Over time, she's become my best friend. I can't think of anyone closer to me or who knows more about me. Single ladies, that's rare. When a man sees you as his closest friend, that's when you know you've got him."
Jesse, 25. Married for 11 months.
"My wife is hilarious. If that sounds crazy, my bad but that's how I knew she was the one for me. So many women can be negative and always looking at the downside of things. My wife is just the opposite. No matter what, even when we get bad news, she sees a silver lining in it and finds a way to make me laugh about it. I enjoy being around her. She's fun. Fun goes far."
Samuel, 34. Married for three-and-half years.
"My wife is very spiritual. I don't mean 'churchy' either. Her discernment is crazy. She's very much into finding balance and a center. She hates drama and creates peace. She loves God, nature and animals. I dunno.
"I've just never met someone who makes me want to be a better person in the way that she does. I see God differently because of her."
Christopher, 38. Married for five years.
"No drama. That's what made her the one for me. Lord, so many women like to create drama. Sweating the small stuff. Nitpicking at every damn thing. Not knowing how to let s—t go. My wife is the opposite of all of that. If there's a problem, she wants to solve it as soon as possible but she doesn't create ones that aren't there. Damn, I love that about her. Thanks for reminding me. I'm gonna call her right now."
Wynton, 29. Married for two years.
"My wife is sexy AF. Call it shallow if you want but sexy is different than pretty. When you find the kind of woman who you really can never get enough of, she's special. I always desire my wife. It's like, other women have become irrelevant since her, not because they aren't pretty but because they just don't have that 'umph' that my wife does. That woman's walk. Her tone of voice. The way she looks when we're first waking up. The fact that her sex drive is even higher than mine. How confident she is in her clothes. Damn."
Deven, 45. Married for eight years.
"I had a horrible mother growing up. She was angry and bitter most of the time. Because of that, I didn't have serious relationships with other women. It was casual dating and sex, that's about it. I met my wife through a male friend of mine and it was the first time when I saw a woman as being the polar opposite of my mom. My wife is nurturing. She is easy-going. She's one of the most emotionally solid people I know. I didn't even realize how emotionally damaged I was, in some ways, until her. She's even helped me to forgive my mom in some ways. Guys, if a woman isn't making you better, she's making you worse. Straight up."
Mandel, 33. Married for six years.
"My wife is the first woman I ever met who I could see years of my wife with. After about our third date, I knew she would be a good mom, a great partner and someone who I wouldn't mind getting old with and that had never happened before. Before her, women were just kind of transient. I knew I wanted her to stay. I proposed five months later. We've been together ever since."
David, 40. Married for 10 years.
"This is a funny question because I'm not really the 'soul mate' kind of guy. I think we all can be happily married to numerous folks. I do think my wife is 'my one' in the sense that we fit together in a way that is hard to explain or compare. She just gets me and I feel like I get her. She is my favorite person and I have no regrets about asking her to be my wife. I know a lot of men who can't say the same. Marriage isn't easy, I won't lie to you. But when you don't regret your choice, not one day in your life, that's when you know you picked well."There you have it and you know what? It really can't be said enough that we can't tell a man how to think or what he wants or needs in a relationship. They have to tell us. So, when you get a moment, ask some of the husbands in your life what made them choose their wife. The answers just might surprise you. Intrigue you. Even inspire you on some levels. You never know.
Join our xoTribe, an exclusive community dedicated to YOU and your stories and all things xoNecole. Be a part of a growing community of women from all over the world who come together to uplift, inspire, and inform each other on all things related to the glow up.
Featured image by Shutterstock