How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
Imagine falling in love with the infamous "other woman" in your relationship.
What seems like a recipe for a Love & Hip Hop brawl, was actually the start of a beautiful relationship for Devri Velazquez and Allex Dean. This fairytale ending was years in the making, but both Devri and Allex have very different versions of how their unconventional love story all began.
Related: This is What Self-Care Looks Like to Chronic Illness Warrior Devri Velazquez
According to Devri's recollection of their first encounter, which she affectionately described as a "hot mess", the lovebirds first met when they were just teenagers. Devri and Allex were both dating the same girl, at the same time, resulting in the same tragic ending. As for Allex, her first recollection of them meeting came much later, during Devri's college career. Allex coincidently got her hair braided by someone she would soon find out was Devri's neighbor.
The couple has now been together for two years and their love story continues to blossom by the day. Although the origins of when their love story officially began is still up for debate, there is no question on where their love story is going. "We both want to work hard to be happy and successful. We want to raise a family, own a home, and travel as much as possible," Allex explained.
Here's their story:
How They Met
Devri: She says we met when I was 17 in my first year of college, but I don't remember that. We were actually dating the same person back in high school, ironically enough, but we didn't know each other personally. It was a hot mess. We first officially met two years ago while I was at a work event and she came to meet me.
Allex: The first time we first officially met was in college in Devri's on-campus apartment when I was getting my hair braided by her neighbor. She says she doesn't remember the interaction but I definitely do.
First Impressions
Devri: As an adult, she was super different from anyone else I had dated. She was into fitness and I am not; she didn't have a same appreciation for the arts the way I do. I am creative and methodical, while she tends to go with the flow and think reactively. I only really knew her in passing during the high school years due to us dating the same girl (we had no idea until almost 10 years later when we reunited for our first date).
Allex: I was interested, but I wasn't sure of who she was or what I should have expected. Something about her drew me in.
Instant Attraction
Devri: I was intrigued. I liked her arms and her unique eye color.
It developed quickly into something beyond the physical, especially once I learned how much of myself I could trust her with.
Allex: I definitely thought she was cute before I knew her, but I became more attracted to her the moment we had our first conversation.
First Date
Devri: I was trying to kill two birds with one stone by inviting her to a work event and not feeling bad if I had to bail because I was bored with her company. It turned out to be interesting, though. Afterwards, we went to a bar and talked for hours and then spent maybe another hour trying to locate where I parked my car. She stayed with me until I found it, which was a good sign.
Allex: It was nerve-racking because it was the first time I would have seen her in almost 10 years. Once we started talking, it was informative. She was very open with me -- she let me know exactly what she had going on and what her plans were for the future. I felt like she wanted to put everything out there.
Making Things Official
Devri: I like to get straight to the point about my feelings, so I remember initiating the conversation after a date, laying everything on the table. There was no pressure, but I just wanted clarity so I could let the prospects know that I may be going on a hiatus until further notice.
Once I let her know what my intentions were for my future, I knew I could trust her with the plan, so I didn't hesitate to be exclusive. It might have taken me about three months before I was certain.
Allex: I think it was mutual and we were on the same page. We were both very open and did not hesitate to tell each other how we felt along the way. We moved slowly; we dated each other for a while before jumping into something deeper. We do our fair share of talking things out; we didn't move too fast and we communicated a lot along the way.
The more I got to know her, she was someone I could definitely see myself growing with. We shared a lot of the same values so I wanted to take the next step. Month one, I knew.
The One
Devri: I realized I didn't want to go more than an hour without hearing from her. Each day, I grew more interested in helping her see her potential, and I invested my time and energy in becoming an accessory to the dream.
Allex: I knew [she was the one] from the way I felt after our first disagreement.
Best Part
Devri: She is extremely supportive and is a great listener. She tries hard to not interfere with me fulfilling my desires, even if she disagrees with me.
Allex: I like how silly she can be with me at times. I feel like I get a Devri that not everyone gets to see. I admire her drive and her honesty, most of the time.
Love Lessons
Devri: I've learned patience above everything else. That's something I've been working on my whole life, but she makes me work twice as hard because her habits require a lot of it.
Allex: If I didn't try to love myself, it was going to be extremely hard to love someone else, that's for sure. Devri is always pushing me to be a little more selfish and pay attention to myself, so I know now how important that is.
Overcoming Odds
Devri: Like I mentioned, being patient with her. I encourage her (as I do with everyone else) to unpack her childhood traumas and baggage, and it can take a toll on my energy sometimes. But she's worth it.
Allex: Devri and I are definitely two types of people, so it's a huge challenge. I don't mind going home and relaxing and I like being quiet, but she just keeps going. She's a particularly busy body.
Our differences within our personalities have been the biggest challenge.
Baggage Claim
Devri: I had to unlearn my sense of selfishness. I like to move in silence sometimes, I have a lot of emotionally intimate connections with friends, so it took me a huge revelation in losing her to come to my senses to want to be completely transparent particularly about that, even if it wasn't with bad intentions.
Allex: Devri is very particular and likes things her way, so I had to learn to change some things around. For example, making my bed in the morning wasn't such a big deal before I met Devri, but for her, it's important. Also, I haven't always been the best at managing my finances, so she has stepped in to keep me on track: different apps and practices that may have slipped my mind or I didn't think about.
Making it Work
Devri: We spend a lot of time with each other, mostly being foodies and searching for the next best almond milk mocha.
Allex: We wake up early in the morning to go on a walk with our poodle, Coco. After work, we share a meal together and talk about our days. We also watch a lot of movies together.
Common Goals
Devri: We put a lot of emphasis on family and love. We both work from our hearts. I have always been determined to create a strong bond that resulted in success, whatever that looks like for us.
Allex: We both want to work hard to be happy and successful. We want to raise a family, own a home, and travel as much as possible.
For more of Devri and Allex, follow the two lovebirds on Instagram here and here. Click here to read past How We Met couples.
RELATED
Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
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1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
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19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
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