Keith Powers Proves That Black Men Struggle With Social Anxiety, Too
I don't know who needs to hear this but Black men are not exempt from social anxiety. Celebrities are not exempt from social anxiety. Your mama, daddy, sister, brother, and cousin are not exempt from social anxiety. I could go on and on, but it's important to know that no one is exempt from the paralyzing side effects of mental disorders like anxiety and depression, not even you, sis. The sad part is that while social anxiety is very real, a number of us aren't even aware that we're experiencing it and in a recent Instagram post, Keith Powers explained that not long ago, he was a part of that number. He explained:
"I could admit like three years ago, I didn't even know what anxiety was. I didn't know. I couldn't tell you exactly what it was. I knew what I was feeling. I knew I would wake up scared or be in public places and be worried, but I couldn't tell you exactly what that was. I literally just started researching what anxiety is and just start researching mental health in general because I didn't really know too much about it at all."
The What/If actor went on to explain that he eventually came to terms with and sought help for his anxiety after realizing that the disorder was causing him to develop some pretty unhealthy habits:
"I could tell that anxiety really affected me because it would be things where I'd be invited to like an industry party. And before I go to the party, I gotta take a shot of like alcohol to, you know, deal with the anxiety, basically, and it's something that I do not recommend at all. Just seeing that and just seeing how that affects me to the point where I feel like I have to drink in order to cope with something is not good at all."
Suffering in silence is for the birds and Keith took to Instagram to share his own experience with anxiety and spilled on a few tangible tips that he uses to cope.
Write It Down
"I think writing in your journal is very important. It's very underrated, but it feels good to just get all of that down on paper, you know, to be able to write that on paper and write why you may be having anxiety, you know what I'm saying?"
"I think that's very important. I keep a journal. I keep a composition notebook journal and I like date it and just like write down these notes. And then, so I was interested to look back at it too and just read the notes and just be like, 'Oh, okay.' Like, just to see where my headspace is. But it feels really good to just get it down on paper and just release, you know, what's inside."
Turn Off Your Phone
"I delete my apps when they're getting on my nerves and I just can't deal with them. And the problem with that is sometimes when I download my apps again, I'm still facing the same problems I was having before I deleted them and just not really being able to face that demon."
"I think you have to eventually be able to face that demon. I don't know, however you get to that point, but you just got to realize the world is just something you just gotta be aware of, and just, you know, just digging more into finding that inner peace. But I feel like turning off your phone is just an amazing thing to do, just to be present in life, simply just to be present in the now and not worry about what's going on in that world."
Talk To Someone
"The third thing would be to talk to somebody. So many people deal with this and it's cool to just feel like you're not the only one. Like I talk to my friends about it and that always is the best because you know, we can relate to it and we talk about it and you don't have to feel alone."
"You don't have to feel like you're feeling that feeling alone. Find someone you can relate to, to talk about it or find someone that don't really know about it and you guys just figure it out together. You don't have to feel like you're feeling that feeling alone."
Featured image by Ga Fullner / Shutterstock.com
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images