Taraji P. Henson Had To Unlearn Her Insecurities To Find True Love
I'm a trainwreck in the morning and a bitch in the afternoon.
Although I'm intentional about getting my mental health all the way together, I still have moments where I'm triggered without warning. Doing the work doesn't make me impervious to having bad days, and being damaged doesn't make me any less deserving of love, and Taraji P. Henson's testimony in the latest issue of SELF is a testament to this fact. She told the publication:
"I'm a whole black woman, whatever comes with that. All the emotions, all of the rage, the anger, the love, the hurt, the hope, the despair, the strength, the vulnerability. I'm all of that."
Along with menopause, mental health, and dispelling the myth of the "strong black woman", the Empire star opened up about how she, too, had to unlearn her insecurities to ultimately find love.
Jamie Lamor Thompson / Shutterstock.com
Last May, Kelvin proposed to Taraji with a Cartier bracelet and one helluva rock, but Taraji revealed that their journey to melanin matrimony has been bumpy at times. The actress explained that early on in their relationship, she believed that their courtship would be short-lived and had fears that her now 36-year-old suitor would move on to a younger woman in time. She explained:
"Whenever he would fall asleep, [I'd think,] 'Oh, you cheating on me?'"
Ultimately, these miscommunications drove the couple apart and they ended their relationship for some time. It wasn't until Kelvin showed up at her condo in an old school gesture of romance and shared his intentions in front of Taraji and the rest of her family and friends that the couple reunited. She explained:
"He had to suck in his pride and he still didn't stop. I said, 'That's my husband.'"
It's said that if you do the work, the man of your dreams will materialize, but Taraji isn't a believer in that theory. According to her, the work is never really finished:
"That's foolish to believe. How do you maneuver and do the work with this other person involved? That's the real work."
Along with healthy communication, Taraji says that therapy has also been instrumental in not only healing the relationship with her man but in helping her mend the relationship with herself as well. She explained:
"I had aligned all my chakras, and I still wanted to headbutt a bitch. The therapy came into play out of necessity. It was [a] time where I was like, 'Oh, I'm just not feeling like myself anymore,' and my son was going through his issues with becoming a young black male in America with no dad and no grandad. It was like, 'Okay, I'm not a professional. We both need help.'"
In an interview with BET, she also reminded us that our homegirls are not our therapists and emphasized the importance of seeking professional help.
"Your friends are not your therapists. They are very biased, and they have stakes involved in you. So sometimes their opinion can be skewed a bit. So that's why it's important to seek a professional, someone who studies human behavior and the human mind."
While Taraji has still been working to do some "rewiring" and unlearning, the actress says her man is patient AF and she's worth the fight:
"I'm grateful to God that I found a partner that I can work with, and that's what I prayed for. I said, 'I'm not looking for perfection, God. I'm looking for somebody who wants to do the work.'"
To read the full interview, click here!
Featured image by Jamie Lamor Thompson / Shutterstock.com
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Listening To The Language Of The Body: Somatic Therapy's Approach To Healing
Over the last few years, there’s been a growing interest in individuals seeking support for mental health outside of their immediate circle. While traditional talk therapy is a common point of entry, allowing individuals to express their thoughts, emotions, and concerns verbally, some may find themselves seeking an alternative approach to therapy that goes beyond the surface.
And in this case, somatic therapy could be the answer.
What Is Somatic Therapy?
Somatic therapy recognizes the intricate connection between the mind and body, offering a holistic approach to healing that distinguishes it from traditional talk therapy. “It taps into the different sensations and physiological signs that your body sends you in order to determine whether it's processed your emotions, tough feelings, and reprocessed memories,” Simone Saunders, Managing Director, MSW, RSW, at The Cognitive Corner, tells xoNecole.
How Somatic Therapy Differs From Traditional Talk Therapy
@thecognitivecorner Replying to @Michelle #somatictherapy #nervoussystemregulation #therapytok
Although there are different forms of talk therapy, somatic therapy differs from traditional talk therapy because it is often centered around the narratives that we have inherited and taken on. On the other hand, somatic therapy is primarily focused on the subtle things that go unsaid. “Whether that's body language, your posture, the way that you're moving, the way that you're breathing, or the different sensations that come up,” Saunders explains, based on the experiences you share, your body is essentially doing the talking for you.
Rooted in the idea that the body and mind are interconnected, somatic therapy aims to address and release stored trauma and stress, promoting overall healing.
The thought of having your every move analyzed could make you uneasy, but as a therapist, Saunders ensures that her job is to notice and bring awareness to these sensations, as opposed to critique.
“If someone's talking about their experience and maybe they're holding their chest or I can see them ball up their fists, or tighten their shoulders, I'll call attention to that,” she explains. “We'll just notice what that feels like and sort of name if that's something that's positive, negative, neutral, and sort of play around with the idea of: what would it be like if we relax a little bit more? What does your body feel like it needs in this moment?”
Diving Deeper in Somatic Healing
@thecognitivecorner #somatichealing #somatiktok #traumarecovery
Understanding how your body is responding to a memory or sensitive topic is just as important as understanding why it’s responding that way. Somatic therapy places a strong emphasis on cultivating awareness of bodily sensations by focusing on the present moment, which allows individuals to gain insight into the connection between their emotions and bodily responses.
If you’re familiar with the term, “the body keeps the score,” it relates to how traumatic events can leave a lasting impact on the body, manifesting as both physical symptoms and emotional distress. Saunder says that somatic therapy is particularly effective in addressing trauma.
“Often when you've experienced trauma, you are used to being disconnected to your body because you've had to be for the purpose of survival,” she says. “Somatic therapy can be really helpful to get you connected again and understand what your body is saying to you, whether or not your body feels safe in different moments, and how you can cultivate a sense of safety.”
Our body is our home — and the need to feel and be safe in our bodies is tantamount to our ability to heal. Having tools outside of therapy to practice self-safety can help us restore a feeling of secureness and wholeness within oneself.
“If you're looking to feel more connected with yourself, a good place to start is with your daily bodily function,” Saunders suggests. “You can check in: Am I thirsty? How do I know when I'm thirsty? How do I know when I'm hungry? How do I know when I need to use the bathroom? Because for a lot of us, it's just automatic. We just do it when we do it, or we ignore those sensations. Starting from there is often a safer place to start — and from there, we can start to understand what it feels like to feel sensations.”
“As far as at-home somatic practices, simply doing things like rocking or cold or hot stimulation can help,” she continues. “There are a lot of things that we do on a day-to-day basis that would be considered somatic practices that we don't necessarily realize — it's just about getting in touch with yourself.”
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Featured image by Maskot/Getty Images