Surviving Mercury Retrograde: What You Can Expect This Mercury Retrograde

Mercury retrograde is back again, but it is nothing that you can’t handle. Mercury retrogrades are infamous for being times of chaos, although Mercury has a much bigger message to convey during these times. Mercury retrogrades don’t occur to mess everything up, they come in to give clarity on the things that haven’t been working and overall areas of life that can be reviewed, reassessed, or reimagined. Yes, you should still double-check your transportation, technology, contracts, and anything fine detailed more thoroughly this time, but you also do not need to panic, as Mercury retrograde brings the energy of slowing down more than anything.
We are currently moving into the third out of the four Mercury retrogrades happening this year, and this Mercury retrograde transit will be moving through the signs of Libra and Virgo. Mercury entered its pre-shadow phase on August 22, a time when you start to get glimpses of what you are about to embark on with Mercury, and also times when you tend to make more mistakes, detours, or go through the experiences that you will be reviewing once Mercury officially goes Retrograde.
Once Mercury goes retrograde in Libra on September 9, anything that is keeping you away from your peace is being highlighted. Focusing on finding your balance within partnerships, and being in your truth is key right now. On September 23, Mercury retrograde enters Virgo, and Mercury overall enjoys being in Virgo and is exalted here. This energy is more about release, healing, taking what you’ve learned over the past few weeks, and grounding yourself in preparation for the new that is to come once Mercury goes direct on October 2.
The most important lesson that all Mercury retrogrades bring is about inspiring you to see something you may have missed before. The best way to move through a Mercury retrograde is to have a sense of humor, flow with change, and know that this too shall pass. The more you can focus on the growth that is occurring, the better. Ask for grace from the planets, and believe in your ability to renew.
Read below to see what Mercury retrogrades transit from September 9 to October 2 has in store for you.
What Mercury Retrograde Means for Aries
Mercury moving retrograde into your opposite sign, Libra, brings attention to your relationships in life, Aries. You could be experiencing more miscommunications within your partnerships during this transit, and it’s about remaining open-minded to all perspectives that are being heard. Strong relationships will only grow closer during this time, and relationships that should be looked at more closely are now changing dynamics. Love wants to show you something during this Mercury retrograde, and it’s all about remaining open to the possibilities, rather than giving too much attention to doubts.
There could be some renegotiations happening within business matters as well during this time as the 7th house, where Mercury is transiting, also rules your business partnerships. Overall, it’s about balancing your needs with those of others and taking responsibility for anything you are putting out there. The end of this Mercury transit is all about your health and taking things day by day as your daily tasks and to-do lists change.
What Mercury Retrograde Means for Taurus
Taurus, Mercury retrograde is bringing energy into your day-to-day world, and it’s important to have the patience right now as you see your plans through and attend to your daily tasks. Remember that a change of plans is often a blessing in disguise, and to work with the energy flowing through your world rather than being impatient with it. Misunderstandings at work or regarding health matters can become more pressing during this time, and going over the details is more important right now.
You are going through a review of your health, daily routines, and lifestyle during this transit and overcoming any perceived challenges here. This Mercury retrograde is here to get rid of any unhealthy daily patterns or activities and to create a new beneficial, daily routine for yourself. Once Mercury retrograde moves into a fellow earth sign, Virgo, on the 23rd, this transit will run more smoothly for you and you will be getting more opportunities to engage in the things that make you the happiest.
What Mercury Retrograde Means for Gemini
Your ruling planet Mercury is making another one of its retrograde transits of the year, but luckily, Mercury already moved through your sign early this year in May, and you are less in the direct field of action right now. For you, this Mercury retrograde is beginning your house of romance, happiness, and creativity and is a time of reviewing where the joy is in your life/or lack thereof, and asking yourself if you’ve been prioritizing this enough for yourself.
Any limitations you have been feeling creatively and within the heart come up at this time, and you are doing some releasing right now to make more room for the good to enter your life. By the end of this transit the key is to get some more downtime, rest, meditate, and do your grounding rituals, Gemini. Thinking about your emotional stability and security in life is important as you emotionally renew, gain new ground, and find your balance.
What Mercury Retrograde Means for Cancer
This Mercury retrograde is hitting home for you, Cancer. With Mercury retrograde moving through your house of family, roots, history, inner foundation, and home life, you are needing to bring more attention to this area of your life right now. This Mercury retrograde is a good time to get back to the basics. You are taking a look at your foundations right now, where you are feeling that support in life, and where you want to continue to grow your roots. Your emotional well-being is the priority, and your safe spaces are where to be to get through this time.
Some misunderstandings with family or close loved ones are more likely with Mercury retrograde, and this is overall a good time to do some inner child healing or to reflect on where in your life you can do some healing, emotional rejuvenating, or where you want to rebuild. Towards the end of this transit you are going to be communicating your needs and ideas, and connecting with those who show up for you.
What Mercury Retrograde Means for Leo
Leo, this Mercury retrograde is starting in your 3rd house, and some extra precaution is necessary when it comes to travel, transportation, and your communication channels. This Mercury retrograde is influencing you in the sense that it’s about overcoming previous communication challenges, and seeing what has been blocking you from feeling heard. You are seeing where in your life things run smoothly, and where the same hiccups keep coming into play, inspiring you to see where some changes need to be made.
You could feel like your natural flow in the day is a little more challenging than usual during this time, and you are reworking your daily systems and prioritizing what is really worth your energy right now. During the end of this transit, Mercury retro moves into your financial zone and this is a good time to declutter your purse or wallet, pay off any bills or debts, and do a review of your long-term goals.
What Mercury Retrograde Means for Virgo
Mercury retrogrades in general are already a little more intense for you than most, Virgo, considering Mercury is your ruling planet and whatever it is doing in the sky, you are going to feel it the most. However, this particular retrograde is important for you as it will be in your sign during the last leg of its transit. The beginning of this Mercury retrograde transit is all about going over your goals and plans and making sure they still align with who you are today and that they are sustainable for the time to come.
Your financial world is being highlighted for most of this transit, and it’s key to back yourself up right now. Mercury retrograde moves into your sign from September 23 until October 2, and you are spending some time reflecting on the personal changes you have gone through over the last year both mentally and physically. It’s about honoring this growth and development you have been going through and seeing yourself in a new, more favorable, and accepting light.
What Mercury Retrograde Means for Libra
Mercury retrograde is traveling through your sign for the first three weeks of its journey, and you are getting real with what’s been happening in your life recently. There is a sense of closure and preparation that you are moving into now, and it’s all about self-reflection during this time. A few different aspects of your life will be impacted during this Mercury retrograde since it’s occurring in your 1st house of self. Still, it’s overall about being consistent with this personal growth you are moving through, and about getting your ducks in a row.
Plans change but remember you are the one writing this story and you can reframe and redirect yourself as needed. This Mercury retrograde is about breaking down any self-imposed barriers, and communicating more of yourself and what you need and are looking for in life. You will be leaving this retrograde with a feeling of overall greater self-confidence, Libra.
What Mercury Retrograde Means for Scorpio
Scorpio, you are moving into a time of closure, healing, and revelation. This Mercury retrograde for you is all about closing one chapter and understanding the lessons that have come from them. The key to this transit for you is about letting go and flowing with change instead of fighting it. Know that what is falling from your life at this time will come back to you if it’s meant to, or will be replaced with something better.
It’s about being inspired by the transformations occurring now, and not getting too caught up in the head about them. Feel things through right now, and do some daily grounding rituals as the past may be coming up for you more than usual right now. Know that what is being brought up for you now is happening so you can release, replenish, and renew. Get some time away during this time, and allow yourself the space to process, heal, and focus on your intentions.
What Mercury Retrograde Means for Sagittarius
This Mercury retrograde transit is beginning in your house of friendship and community, before moving into your 10th house of career. You are finding the balance between your personal life and professional life during this Mercury retro transit, and understanding who you are in both of these worlds. This Mercury retrograde is allowing you to go over some of your goals and dreams in life, and to see if they still apply to where you want to be now.
You are getting a clearer view of where you are headed in life and it’s up to you to decide if you want to keep going on a certain path or if you want to change course. There could be some miscommunication within friendships and your social networks right now, as you are thinking about who your people are, and where you are feeling supported within your friendships and community, and things are switching up for you here. Past goals, future goals, and your progress of them all come up for review for you during this time, Sagittarius.
What Mercury Retrograde Means for Capricorn
Your professional world, achievements, and career life are being highlighted during this Mercury retrograde transit, Capricorn. Remember to go over your work thoroughly, and to be flexible with others in your working/social sphere. This Mercury retrograde is overall here to tie up any loose ends and get things organized professionally before moving projects forward again. How you are feeling about your goals, achievements, and where you are in regards to career matters take focus during this time and it’s about being okay with cheering yourself on for a while.
The support will come, but there is something to understand at this time about showing up for yourself regardless of who is standing behind you. With the energy of this Mercury retrograde, you could be experiencing some misunderstandings with the authority figures, clients, or peers in your working environment, however, this energy will change in the last week of its transit starting on the 23rd when you get to explore your horizons a little bit more.
What Mercury Retrograde Means for Aquarius
Aquarius, this Mercury retrograde will be occurring in your 9th house of adventure, and you are having to slow some things down when it comes to travel plans and the opportunities that are coming towards you. The 9th house rules adventure, travel, education, the higher mind, and spirituality; and with Mercury retrograding here, there is a sense of needing some more downtime to reflect and understand what your inner world has been showing you.
Plans change, paths detour, and you are searching for a new way forward during this time. Through the experiences you’ve encountered so far this year, a new perspective has been born and you are looking at your beliefs, truths, and personal values more right now. You are being guided to redefine what you align with today and how important it is to have faith in yourself and your life. The end of this Mercury retrograde journey for you is about a review of the commitments in your life and finding your balance between giving and receiving here.
What Mercury Retrograde Means for Pisces
This Mercury retrograde is influencing your love life and is shaking things up to make sure the foundations you are building for yourself here can last the tests of time, Pisces. The first few weeks of this Mercury retrograde are a time of looking at where you have been feeling the empowerment in your life, and also where you may be giving away your power. Mercury will be highlighting for you what you need within your close partnerships, commitments, and within your financial world as well; and if you’ve been receiving that or not.
There are some shake-ups occurring within your relationships right now, but know that Mercury retrogrades are more about providing clarity, rather than anything else. In the last week or so of this transit, Mercury will enter Virgo, your opposite sign, and will be in your house of love. Remember to allow yourself as much grace and unconditional love as you do so for others during this time, Pisces.
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Your December 2025 Monthly Horoscopes Are All About Surrender & Alignment
December is about letting go. We end the year with the need for more peace, reflection, and rejuvenation, and that is exactly what December is providing for us. The Sun is in Sagittarius, and anything is possible. This is the month to believe in that and to know that the universe is supporting you. With a Supermoon in Gemini as we begin the month as well, we have an opportunity to gain the closure we have been looking for this year and to wrap up old projects, ideas, and communication breakthroughs.
This is the month to make your peace the priority and let go of trying to control the way the tides are turning. Trust in your new beginning, and give yourself time to prepare for it this month.
A big part of the clarity that is coming through this month is due to Neptune going direct in Pisces on December 10, after being retrograde here since July. With Neptune now direct, we are able to see our inspiration and creativity a little more clearly, providing the perfect energy for dreams and manifestation to be built upon. The smoke is clearing, and it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with this newfound clarity that this transit is bringing. Mercury also moves back into Sagittarius on December 11, which is great for communication and clarity, and the adventures you were trying to see through at the beginning of November come around for you again with greater purpose and support.
On December 15, Mars enters Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and this is the extra push we need to make important changes and to be on the path towards greater abundance, stability, and prosperity. Mars in Capricorn takes care of business, and we have extra energy at our disposal during this time to do so. This transit is an ideal time to focus on your career or financial goals for next year and to start putting some of these plans into motion now. A few days later, we have the New Moon of the month, which will be in Sagittarius on December 19, and this is the perfect New Moon to manifest.
The energy is high, magic is in the air, and it’s all about moving forward with the new beginnings that are inspiring you and bringing you joy to think about right now.
Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21, and this earth sign energy is how we heal, gain closure, and build new foundations in our world. With Venus also moving into a Capricorn a few days later, there is something about peace, prosperity, and security that we are gaining in life and in love as we close out the year, and this is what we need right now. This month is about reflecting on what was, letting go of old hurt, and renewing. December is an ending and a new beginning in one, and there is magic in this space to be created.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what December 2025 has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
December is a full-circle moment for you, Aries. You are seeing the gifts in your world and have a lot of gratitude for the way things have come about for you as of late. There are culminations in your world that are providing you with more abundance, stability, and community, and you are exactly where you are meant to be this month. With the Sun in a fellow fire sign and in your 9th house of travel for most of the month, December is a good time to get out of your comfort zone, explore the world around you, and get your body moving.
Mars, your ruling planet, also makes a change and moves into Capricorn on December 15, which will fuel your inspiration and power in your career space. You are making a lot of professional progress as we close out the year; however, make sure to be more mindful of your competitive drive right now. The New Moon on December 19 is the perfect opportunity for you to create some new plans and goals when it comes to traveling, education, and where you want to gain some new inspiration in your world. Overall, this is a month of things coming together for you serendipitously.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
December is about trusting your intuition, Taurus. You have a lot on your mind this month, and it’s best to delegate, communicate, and allow yourself some relief by opening up to someone and not feeling like you have to hold everything in. As we begin the month, we have a Supermoon in Gemini happening in your house of income, and the plans and projects you have been building here come to fruition for you now. This is the time to gain clarity on your financial world and to take a look at what spending habits you want to let go of here as well.
With Venus in your 8th house of shared resources for most of the month, you are doing a cleanse on your commitments, partnerships, and business ventures. You are taking a look at what you want to dedicate yourself to in the future, and what commitments you may need to let go of now in order to be in the space you truly want to be, both financially and within some of your relationship dynamics. Before we end the month, we have a New Moon in this same area of your chart, and it’s time to look at the opportunities that are presenting themselves and to trust your internal guidance system to lead you forward.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
You are moving forward fearlessly this month, Gemini. December is your month of love, passion, and dignity, and you are owning the light that you shine. We begin the month with the last Supermoon of the year, happening in your sign, and you are stepping up to the plate. You are showing up, owning how much you have grown this year, and allowing yourself to heal while also acknowledging that you have done your best and you deserve to have fun in the midst of the changes you are creating.
Mercury, your ruling planet, is officially out of retrograde, and you can use this energy to the fullest potential now. With Mercury in your 7th house of love, it’s time to speak from the heart and to talk about the things that matter and that are inspiring you right now to your loved ones. You never know what kind of epiphanies you may have when you open up the conversation to others. Before the month ends, you have a New Moon in this same love area of your chart, and this New Moon is all about manifesting romance, commitment, and abundance in your world.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
December is an opening for more love, more joy, and more freedom in your life, Cancer. You have come to a place where you hold so much gratitude in your heart for where you are today and where your heart is shining, and things come together for you with more ease right now. With the Sun in your 6th house of health, work, and daily routines for most of the month, you are getting your ducks in a row while also putting more energy and effort into taking care of yourself, your priorities, and your well-being. This month surprises you in many ways, and it’s because you are showing up.
Mars and Venus both move into your house of love, relationships, marriage, and abundance this month, and you are making strides in your love life. You have both of these opposing forces on your side and are being recognized for the love you are while also receiving the love you want. This month, overall, is about focusing more on the positives in your world and letting your heart have its joy. Before December comes to an end, there is a New Moon in Sagittarius, and this is the perfect opportunity to create the plans you want to see through next year, especially when it comes to your work life, colleagues, business ventures, and health.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
The scales of karma are balancing, and they are balancing in your favor this month, Leo. December is your month of truth, and of seeing it clearly in your world. The Sun is in your house of romance, pleasure, and happiness for most of the month, and it’s time to relax, be in the present moment, and allow what is meant to be, to be. With a Supermoon in your 11th house of manifestation as December begins, this is a powerful month for seeing your dreams come to fruition, and for feeling like the intentions you have set this year are finally here for you now.
Mars also moves into your 6th house mid-month, and this is the perfect energy to have to move into the new year. You have extra energy at your disposal right now and are feeling fearless with what is possible for you and your daily routine. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in a fellow fire sign, Sagittarius, and this is a breakthrough moment for you and your heart. December, overall, wants to show you how loved and supported you are and will be doing so in magical, unexpected, and concrete ways.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
December is a month of victory, Virgo. You are showing up and experiencing some new successes in your world that move you forward on your path in life. With a Supermoon in your 10th house of career as we begin the month, the effort and intentions you have made this year come into full bloom, and you are being recognized for who you are and the good work you have done. This month is all about showing up and allowing yourself to be seen and loved, knowing that you deserve the support and opportunities you are receiving.
Mars moves into Capricorn on December 15, which brings the passion and excitement into your love life, hobbies, and little pleasures in life that light you up. You want to have fun this month and are going to be walking into the new year with this fearless, happy, and spontaneous energy within you. Before the month ends, Venus also enters Capricorn, and in this same area of your chart, you have a lot to look forward to and believe in right now. Overall, December wants you to be happy and will be doing everything possible to make that happen for you. This is your month to shine, Virgo.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
December is a month of opportunity for you, Libra. New doors open, and you are financially making breakthroughs this month because of it. December begins with a Supermoon in your 9th house, and you are getting a clearer view of where you have been making strides in your life and how it has all brought you here to this present moment of freedom. This month is showing you what happens when you are fearless with your purpose and when you believe in yourself and what you are worthy of.
Moving further into December, Mars moves into your 4th house of home and family mid-month, and you are closing out the year in your safe spaces. You are spending more time with your loved ones and taking the time to quiet your mind and listen to what your heart has been telling you. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, happening in an area of your life that deals with communication. This is a great time for getting the answers you have been looking for and for feeling more clear-headed and confident about the decisions you are making as you move into the new year.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
Patience is a virtue this month, Scorpio. December is all about remaining patient and vigilant with what you are creating in your world, and knowing that the universe has your back. It’s time to be reminded of the power of hope, and this month is an opening to greater clarity in your life. There is a lot of energy in your financial zones right now, and this is providing you with new opportunities and new insight; however, the speed at which things come about for you may feel daunting. Keep your head up and eyes focused on what you want and know that you are more than worthy of receiving it.
With Mercury in your 2nd house of income this month, December is a good time to plant new seeds and to think about where you want to be financially a month from now or even a year. This month is asking you to think bigger and to think more long-term so that you can set the appropriate plans into motion now. We also have a New Moon in your house of income before the month ends, and this is when you will see more of your dreams come to fruition in this area of your life, and have more opportunities to build. Overall, December will be teaching you a lot, Scorpio.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
Sagittarius Season is here, and there is a lot in store for you this month, Sag. December is all about what you are dedicating yourself to. It’s about setting your intentions and putting the work in to back up your dreams, and about getting things in order so that when the new beginnings come, you are ready for them. The Sun and Venus are in your sign for most of this month, and there are a lot of eyes on you right now. You have the potential to create a new beginning for yourself, and it’s time to invest in yourself, your love life, and your dreams.
Mercury moves into Sagittarius on December 11, and this is giving you another opportunity to see through some of the plans that you had initiated in November. Mercury was retrograde in your sign last month, and there may have been some disruptions to your vision and plans for the future, and now this energy is turning around for you. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in Sagittarius, and you are walking through new doors fearlessly. You are catching others by surprise by your growth this month, and you are thinking a lot about your purpose, future, and plans for the new year.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
December is all about the vision, Capricorn. You are moving through a lot of changes and transformations this month, yet they are giving you a chance at a new beginning in the process. You are focused more on the future and what goals you want to manifest for yourself right now, and are ready to let go of what hasn’t been working for you. With the Sun in your 12th house of closure for most of December, this is your time for healing, but remember, healing doesn’t have to be isolating or boring; you can thrive while you renew, and you are this month.
Mid-month, the excitement picks up for you, and you are feeling more energized than you have in a while. Mars moves into Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and you are being proactive with your goals, intentions, and passions. You are a force to be reckoned with this month, and you are making things happen for yourself with confidence. Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21 this year, and this is definitely speeding up your healing process. You are breaking free from what was, and with Venus also moving into Capricorn before the month ends, you are leaving this year in high spirits and with love opening a new door for you.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
December is all about community, creativity, and manifestation, Aquarius. This is the month to work together with others to help bring your dreams to life. You are in a space of inspiration, empowerment, and beauty, and are creating more of this energy around you and in your world. Look out for what support comes your way this month and know that you don’t have to do everything alone to succeed. With the Sun in your 11th house of manifestation and friendship, your intentions are coming to fruition, and it’s time to celebrate with the people you love and to own how far you have come this year.
On December 19, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, lighting up your life in all of the best ways possible. This is your New Moon of freedom, victory, and magic, and you are seeing new beginnings appear that you were once just hoping for. Before the month comes to an end, Venus moves into your 12th house of closure, and after an active and successful month, you are ready to relax, heal, and give your heart some of the attention it has been asking for. You are moving into the new year with the need to release and renew what hasn’t been working in your relationships, and you are finally ready to.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
December is a big month for you, Pisces. You are making some huge accomplishments this month, and are feeling like everything you have been through this year has been worth it for these moments that are coming to fruition for you now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career and reputation for most of the month, and this is where a lot of your focus is right now. You are claiming your successes and putting yourself out there in ways that not only serve you, but that inspire others as well.
Neptune officially goes direct on December 10, after being retrograde in your sign since July, and you are finally seeing things a little more clearly. You are feeling renewed inspiration and passion in your life, and your intuition is your strongest asset right now. Before December comes to an end, we also have a New Moon in your 10th house of career, and what happens now not only changes things for you in the present, but it also opens new doors and what is possible for you in the new year as well. Overall, you are on top of your game this month and are owning the joy and empowerment you feel.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Do You Expect Others To Read Your Mind? Here's The Problem With That.
Omniscience. If someone were to offer you $100 right this second for the definition of that word, could you immediately provide it? If you’re not sure, basically omniscience is about being able to know everything — and to those who believe in God, only he is given that honor. For those who believe in Satan? Not even he is omniscient (as much as he would like people to think otherwise).
Sometimes, it might feel that otherwise because some beings and even people are truly masterful when it comes to reading body language, observing patterns, and picking up on cues. Still, no matter how much it might seem like someone can read someone else’s mind, they can’t. It is literally impossible — and I will briefly expound on that in just a moment.
Oh, but there are plenty of people whose egos have them thinking that they can read someone else’s mind. Then there are others who have fantasies, which create unrealistic expectations that others in their lives actually should read their mind. And you know what — both of these things can cause unnecessary stress, drama, and trauma, if folks aren’t careful.
And that’s why I think it’s important that we unpack this a bit more. Because if you’re someone who thinks that if another person truly cares for you, they should be able to read your mind, it’s time to let that ridiculous yet semi-popular notion absolutely and completely go.
Here’s why.
It’s Scientifically Impossible for Someone to Read Your Mind
There are a couple of reasons why I am starting this off with R&B singer Avant. For one thing, I don’t think that he gets nearly enough flowers and secondly, clearly, this is a more-than-fitting song for today’s topic, wouldn’t you say? Because, lawd, there really is something that makes some of us feel all warm ‘n fuzzy about the mere thought of a man telling us that he is so in tuned with us that he can basically read our mind.
Hmph. Problem with that is, as I said in the intro, it is scientifically impossible (for us and for AI to do, praise the Lord!). And yet the fact that so many individuals think that they defy scientific data and research is oftentimes why there are so many breakdowns in communication — because if you run on assumption (that you can read someone’s mind) without clarification and confirmation, you can create issues that didn’t exist before you decided to fall for your own mind-reading theories.
Now to be fair, while science is still trying to figure out why we can’t read minds, what is sure is that we do have the capability to perceive the thoughts and actions of others if we’re willing to pay really close attention. However, do keep in mind that reading and perceiving are different. Reading? It’s about being able "to apprehend or interpret the meaning of" and "to anticipate, expect, or calculate by observation." Perceiving? It’s all about “to become aware of, know, or identify by means of the senses” and “to recognize, discern, envision, or understand.”
And already, do you see the differences? So much certainty comes with reading while perceiving is about humbling oneself (bookmark that) to not try to know everything but instead to try and understand what is transpiring. And since no one person (or their mind) is ever truly static, that is a huge part of the reason why believing that you can read someone’s mind — no matter how close you may be to them — is futile. You can change your mind on a dime. Others can do the same. Learning to perceive what is going on instead of assuming that you can “read” folks is far more beneficial.
Besides, you might be surprised by a particular demo who thinks that if you are truly who they need you to be, you will read their minds — and boy, once you know who they are, that may cure you of the whole “read your mind” ish…quick, fast and in a hurry.
The Expectation Is Oftentimes Rooted in Egomania
GiphyWhile doing a bit of research on this topic, I thought it was interesting that a particular type of person kept coming up. Can you guess which one? A NARCISSIST. What I kept noticing is a telling sign of a narcissistic individual is they expect others to read their mind.
I must admit that I was caught off guard by that at first because narcissists and their damn egos are so out of control (bookmark that) that it would seem like they would be more focused on acting like they know the thoughts of other people. Here’s the thing, though — the reason why narcissists want others to read their mind is because they want you to do things like guess what they want and need before they ask — and they want that to happen because they believe that they are so damn special that you should put in the extra blood, sweat and tears to figure it all out. Hmph. Now that tracks.
Another reason why narcissists want you to be able to read their mind is so they can manipulate and deflect. Meaning, if you say and do things based on what you thought they wanted you to, should everything crash and burn, they can dodge accountability and blame you for it. Hmm, does reading someone’s mind seem romantic and beautiful now? SMDH.
And again, all of this is tied to ego because, at the end of the day, mind-reading is a form of control and narcissists are definitely very controlling people. And honestly, mind-reading is as well because why do you even want to know someone’s private thoughts before they share them and, at the same time, why would you want someone to have that kind of power in your life either? “Eww” is what immediately comes to my mind. “Yuck” is what follows.
So, why is it that so many people think that it’s a good thing to have someone read their mind — I mean, the ones who don’t show narcissistic tendencies, that is? Good question.
5 Reasons Why Some People Wish Someone Would/Could Read Their Mind
GiphyOkay, so ego and pridefulness aside, what would be some other reasons why people think that it’s such a wonderful thing if someone who they are in some sort of intimate relationship with can read their mind.
1. They are caught up in Disney and rom-coms. One day, I am going to do an article on all of the ways that Disney and rom-coms have destroyed the reality of relationships. For now, I’ll just say that the scripted tales of both have caused a lot of people to think that if someone loves them, they should be able to read their mind. Nooo…if someone loves you, they should care to know what is on your mind. And that brings me to the second point.
2. They aren’t as good at communicating as they think. Are you a good communicator? One way to know if you are is you’re able to clearly articulate your wants and needs — because really, if you are able to do that, why should anyone even need to read your mind? Feel me? Let’s move on.
3. They want someone else to work harder at their relationships than they do. I say it in my sessions often — it’s beyond crazy to think that someone should work harder at figuring out what your wants, needs and expectations are than you are willing to express them. Hmph. It makes me think of a friend of mine who says that “should” is a dangerous word. What she means by that is saying that someone should do or not do something simply because YOU THINK that’s how it “should” go is a surefire way to stay disappointed and even be disillusioned. No, your man shouldn’t just know what you want every year for your birthday. Did you state it? If not, why aren’t you playing fair? Who has time for all of the guessing games and then getting penalized if they guess wrong? Stop it.
4. They think it’s the sign of a healthy relationship (it isn’t). Anyone who knows me knows that I am always and forever going to be Team Healthy over Team Happy and my reason why never changes. Only children expect to live in a world where they are happy all of the time — and yes, there are a lot of childish people out here. People who want their mind read? They tend to live in happy land. Meanwhile, a healthy relationship knows that clear communication, mutual respect, keen listening, patience and understanding that humans make mistakes are foundational to its success.
5. They are lazy. And yes y’all, some people want others to read their mind because they are lazy and it really is just as simple as that. Thing is, while they are being passive aggressive, dropping hints or giving the silent treatment so that you can figure out whatever it is that they…want you to figure out, that tends to take more effort than simply speaking up. Ridiculous, chile.
How to Let the Myth Go
GiphyGee, after reading all of this, suddenly reading minds just seems like a lot of silliness with a sprinkle of drama and potential trauma, doesn’t it? And it’s all because some people choose to treat something that is a myth like it’s a bona fide fact. SMDH.
And what if you happen to be one of those individuals? How do you break free? COMMUNICATE. Openly, clearly and maturely share what’s on your mind and heart because, the true tell of a solid relationship isn’t that someone can read your mind; it’s that they can retain what you’ve already stated.
Less reading. More perceiving. That’s the secret sauce.
And when you accept this for what it is, you will realize that it’s far better for you, your partner and your relationship to stop expecting the impossible and to accept what is actual: that learning your partner, as they strive to do the same thing with you, is better than you both assuming that you know what…maybe you do, maybe you don’t.
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Author Frank Sonnenberg once said, “People can’t hear what you don’t say. Thinking isn’t communicating” — and I think this is a perfect place to bring all of this to a close.
Find the kind of relationship(s) where intention is so strong that mind-reading isn’t even desired.
At the end of the day, it really is as simple as that.
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