This is a powerful year of love for the world. With so many changes and transformations happening on a global scale, this year we are focused on the roots and support systems that ground us through it all. In numerology, 2022 is a 6 Universal Year, a number representative of love, support, service, and balance. Relationships are at the forefront of many people's lives this year.
Jupiter is also making its every-decade transit in Pisces now, a water sign based in the emotional world and the transcendent experience of love, and right now, it's all about moving beyond ego, and into unconditional love and the higher heart. If the past few years have taught us anything, it is that love is all we have at the end of the day.
Aries
Cosmpolitan UK
Love for you this year, Aries is about transcending any boundaries, limitations, and emotional patterning from the past that doesn’t serve you now. With Jupiter moving through your house of the unknown, spirituality, endings, loss, healing, and renewal for a large part of the year, you are experiencing a transformation on all levels of life this year, including love. Your ruling planet Mars goes retrograde at the end of the year, from October 30 to January 1, 2023. This is when you are learning more about your passion and direction in love.
Being your resilient, free-spirited self, you are able to overcome anything that comes your way with passion and grace. Love wants to move to new levels in 2022, and you are creating space for your peace, your future, and the love and redemption that are coming in for you now, Aries.
Taurus
Cosmopolitan UK
Love is where a lot of passion is this year, Taurus, and also where a lot of the activity is in your life. With the North Node moving through your sign, your ruling planet Venus in retrograde at the beginning of the year, and the eclipses of the year moving through your house of love, relationships are renewing for you. You are finding the balance between self and others, and you're understanding more of the relationship dynamics in your life, what works for you, and what doesn’t. There is a lunar eclipse on May 16 and a solar eclipse on October 25, transiting your house of love. This is when you will see turning points within your relationships.
It’s all or nothing for you right now, and your love is claiming its space. Find your ground through the different changes and transitions you are moving through this year, and trust the love that is blooming for you this year, Taurus.
Gemini
Cosmpolitan UK
You're strongly focused on your career and the new paths you are taking there Gemini. When it comes to love, you are looking for what aligns with the goals you are seeing through right now. There are peak moments of activity for you when it comes to love this year and these times are the supermoon in Sagittarius on June 14, when Venus enters Gemini from June 22 to July 17, and when Mars goes retrograde in your sign from October 30 to January 1, 2023.
Love this year is about lifting yourself up from any patterns you’ve felt stuck in here, and aligning with the compassion within you. Speaking with others about how you are feeling, getting trusting advice, and listening to the intuition of your soul are key for you when it comes to love this year, Gemini.
Cancer
Cosmopolitan UK
You are learning the most when it comes to your partnerships, devotion, and stability in love this year, Cancer. With Saturn moving through your house of intimacy in 2022, love for you is about the bonds that are forming and have formed, about which structures and dynamics here have been serving your relationships, and which ones are being released now. Healing is prevalent within your emotional world this year, and you are unfolding within new chapters of love. Venus is in Cancer from July 17 to August 11, and this is when you are especially seeing some new beginnings in love.
This year is about emotional renewal and transformation, and about love because it is your birthright. Strings that have been attached are losing their strength, while bonds and commitments that allow you to be, love, and connect are strengthening for you this year.
Leo
2022 is stabilizing the blessings you saw in love in 2021. With Saturn moving through your house of love and partnerships over the past few years, you have been on a deep and, at times, challenging experience of love. Saturn is finishing its last full year here, and this year you also have Jupiter in your 8th house making sure you receive your due blessings within your commitments while you continue to build your new foundations in love.
There is a coming together happening for you this year where everything you’ve learned over the past few years is giving you the clarity on which relationships have truly been there with you through it all, how much you have grown personally, and within your connections in life. There is a supermoon in your house of love on August 11, and things are coming to fruition for you in love this summer, Leo.
Virgo
This is your year of love, Virgo. With Jupiter moving through your house of love and partnership this year, the North Node transiting your house of romance, and two eclipses in your 5th house this year, 2022 is a year of new beginnings and manifesting your dreams in love. This year is all about your courage of love, and your commitment to the seeds you have been planting here. Life is reflecting everything that you feel within. The more you stay in your confidence, remember how worthy you are, and allow love to be, the more effortless your experience will be this year. There is support, love, and connection around you, and although you love to do it all yourself, you don’t have to do it alone this year, Virgo. Love is showing up.
Libra
Love for you this year is about figuring out what makes you happy, Libra. With your ruling planet Venus being in Retrograde as the year starts out, you are entering 2022 doing some reflecting. This year is about the different cycles you have been through within your relationships, and about coming together with what you want for yourself now. Saturn is moving through your house of romance this year and you are addressing any blockages or challenges that have been preventing you from feeling loved and secure.
Love gets more serious with Saturn moving through this area of your chart and you are taking care of the environment around you right now. There is a sacred convergence occurring for you this year, as love manifests. Venus will be in Libra from September 29 to October 23, and this is a good time to set intentions in love.
Scorpio
You are dancing to the beat of love this year, Scorpio. This year brings with it profound changes within love and an acceptance of the unconditional support that is there for you. You are being moved by love in 2022, and are seeing your own personal revelations and becoming in the process like the ever-evolving Scorpio you are. With the North Node officially in Taurus and moving through your house of love this year, partnership awareness is what this transit brings for you.
The different balance dynamics, needs of your partner, or needs of a relationship, in general, are highlighted for you this year as any unresolved karmic issues are looked at and healed. With Jupiter moving through your 5th house of romance, the universe is blessing you with the true gifts of partnership this year--and that’s the pure joy, pleasure, and light that it brings.
Sagittarius
Your passion is leading you forward in love this year, Sagittarius. You’ve never been afraid to stand on your own, and this is why so many are so enticed with you. In 2022 you are paving your own paths in love and defining what foundations and commitments support what you are trying to grow here. It’s about quality over quantity right now, and emotional stability and security are where your heart is this year. You are taking care of your inner world, creating art with your passions, and letting love fall into place. Venus enters Sagittarius from November 16 to December 9, and you are ending the year on a high note in love. As you stand tall in your being, you attract all to you, and 2022 is about self-love, intimacy, and being your fierce self, Sag.
Capricorn
Love brings with it a breath of fresh air for you this year, Capricorn. You love a good success moment and this year you are seeing those within your relationships and commitments. There is a pinnacle moment on your journey of love being reached this year, and you are finding yourself in the right place at the right time. With Venus Retrograde in your sign at the start of 2022, you had a special key given to you and this key was the acknowledgment of what’s been below the surface for you in love that needed to be addressed, as well as clarity on your relationship to self-love and how you keep this eternal flame burning.
You are communicating more of your need and wants in love this year, and seeing a nice reciprocation and flow within your relationships because of this. Focus on where you want to spend your time and energy this year, and rise Capricorn.
Aquarius
You have been on a journey of self since 2020 when Saturn first entered your sign. With 2022 being the last full year of Saturn transits through your beloved sign, this year is your epiphany year, and your year where you receive more of the blessings from the growth--and at times tough decisions--you’ve had to make when it comes to love. You’ve learned how to put yourself first more and make decisions that reflect the intentions of your heart, and this year you are seeing more of your intentions in love manifest for you.
You have self-clarity like no other this year and it’s leading you to the places you need to be in love. You are nurturing your world, your intentions, and your heart, and allowing space for those who support that and are on the same page in 2022, Aquarius.
Pisces
With your Jupiter transit, a once-every-decade transit of luck happening this year, you can be sure this extra juju is going to be flowing through your romantic world as well. Love this year is about moving beyond fear, beyond the unknown, and into your magic. There are opportunities on the other side of doubt, and you are releasing and moving forward this year, Pisces. With Saturn moving through your 12th house this year, you are continuing this cycle you have been in when it comes to emotional healing and spiritual reflection, and are finding ways to let more people in your bubble this year.
2022 is all about shining your heart light and allowing love to transcendent any beliefs, stigmas, or fears, and be just what it is, love. You are worthy of love, and you always have been Pisces, claim it this year.
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Thinking about them kinda-sorta inspired this piece because they caused me to reflect on the times when some of my clients have come to me, semi-freaking out, and it was because their thoughts about someone had gone beyond “Hey, she’s pretty” or “Hey, he looks good.” Instead, they were starting to fantasize about certain folks, and they weren’t sure what to do about it, especially when some of those fantasies were transpiring while they were engaging in sex with someone else.
You know, it’s been reported that somewhere around 50 percent of people do indeed have fantasies about other people while having sex with another person. And that is definitely a high enough number to tackle some things about the topic here.
If you’re someone who fantasizes about other individuals, especially sexually, here’s some intel into why that could be the case, along with when it gets to the point and place where you might want to consider actually doing something about it.
What’s a Fantasy and What Exactly Causes Them?
GiphyWhenever you think of the word “fantasy,” what immediately comes to your mind?
Personally, what I find to be interesting is the fact that the dictionary says that there are actually a lot of things that can be considered a fantasy: your imagination, hallucinations, visions, ingenious inventions, illusions — I mean, there is even a genre of fiction that falls into the fantasy category. However, when it comes to what we’re going to discuss today, a psychological term for fantasy is “an imagined or conjured up sequence fulfilling a psychological need; daydream.”
And yes, before we get to the end of all of this, that definition is going to answer quite a few questions as it pertains to the topic of this particular piece. But first, more about the origin story of fantasies.
Apparently famed neurologist, Sigmund Freud spent some time analyzing fantasies and came to the conclusion that, more than anything else, a fantasy represents something that is either a suppressed urge or desire and when you stop to think about what you imagine, what your visions are, what you may long to invent — that certainly tracks. However, something that you should also keep in mind about fantasies is that, oftentimes, they are rooted in few boundaries and can even go well beyond what is considered to be reality (which is something that is based on facts and truth).
Oh, something else that needs to be kept in mind about fantasies is that they are typically relied on as a mental form of escape from something or someone (bookmark that).
And now that fantasies are more clearly defined, if your immediate question is, “Is it wrong to fantasize?” — no, I certainly don’t think that. What I do believe, based on what a fantasy is, though, is if you are fantasizing a lot about a particular person, place, thing or idea, it would be a good idea to ponder why that is the case — why is that a suppressed desire for you, why are you using that as a mental escape and perhaps, the most important question of all, does your fantasy come with any limits?
Now let’s build on top of this…
Now What Causes Folks to Fantasize About Other People?
GiphyAs I was doing more research on the topic of fantasies, I came across an article entitled, “What Happens In Our Brains When We Fantasize About Someone.” The author of it started the piece out by talking about a cool connection that she made with someone on a plane, only for her to find herself fantasizing about him once they parted ways. As she went deeper into her story, she mentioned a word that definitely needs to be shared here: heuristics.
If you’re not familiar with it, heuristics is simply a mental shortcut. For instance, if you find yourself needing to make a quick decision (check out “Before You Make A Life-Altering Decision, Read This.”), you may rely on heuristics to do it (even if it’s subconsciously). The challenge with that is oftentimes heuristics will only provide you with a limited amount of data and information, and relying only on that could cause you to not make the best choice, if you’re not careful. And boy, when heuristics jump into your fantasy space — well, something that immediately comes to my mind is celebrity culture.
Ain’t it wild how people will be on social media, speaking so confidently, about someone—or someone’s relationship—as if they personally know them (when they absolutely don’t)? I mean, just because someone is attractive or you’ve seen them carry themselves well in an interview or two, that doesn’t automatically mean that they are the ideal person or that they are someone to set your own dating standards by. If you’re not careful, though, heuristics and fantasies may encourage you to think otherwise.
That’s because the combo will try and get your brain to jump to all sorts of conclusions and, if you don’t keep that in check, it could result in you making premature, counterproductive, or even straight-up reckless decisions — because remember, a fantasy tends to be about suppressing an urge or desire.
Honestly, whether you are in a relationship or not, if you are fantasizing about a particular individual, understanding why you are doing that should definitely be explored.
However, if you are with someone and you’re fantasizing about someone else, you really shouldn’t ignore what is transpiring because, although by definition, there’s a good chance that whatever and whomever you are fantasizing about will never come to pass, the fact that it’s taking up some of your mental and emotional space, that needs to be acknowledged. Because if there is something that you want or need, and you seem to believe that your fantasies are better at supplying that for you than the reality of your relationship, why is that?
Let’s keep going…
What Does (or Could) It Mean If You Fantasize About Someone Else During Sex?
GiphyIt’s pretty common that a random song will come to mind whenever I’m writing an article. Today? It was Guy’s “My Fantasy.” Then a sitcom did — King of Queens, and the episode when Doug and Carrie were talking about his sexual fantasies. The song is about images that the fellas randomly have about beautiful women. The episode was about Carrie wanting to dictate to Doug what and whom he could fantasize about because some of his sexual fantasies made her feel uncomfortable or intimidated.
And both of these are a pretty solid intro into whether there is something wrong with sexually fantasizing about someone, especially while having sex with someone else. Well, before getting into all of that, I think another article that I read on the topic brings up a pretty good point — that it’s important to think about where your fantasies are coming from: your imagination, things you see on social media, porn that you may have watched, people who you actually know…and if it’s the latter, is it someone from your past or someone from your present?
Yeah, knowing the source of your fantasies can definitely help you to understand how “deep” into your fantasies you might be.
What I mean by that is, seeing a beautiful man one time and randomly thinking about what it would be like to have sex with him on some beach vacation is quite different than constantly thinking about your ex, the sex you used to have with him and then fantasizing about it For one thing, the beautiful guy, you will probably never have access to. That ex, though? Well, at the very least, that is a bit more realistic, right?
Then there’s the fact that, again, a fantasy is a suppressed urge or desire. When it comes to the beautiful man, is it his looks that you long for, or is it something deeper? And that ex of yours? Lawd, now why, when you have your own man in your own bed, is your ex “scratching some sort of itch”? Because we all know what they say — “he’s your ex for a reason,” so why is he creeping up into your intimacy space now that the relationship is over? Is something unresolved?
Are there sexual needs that he met that your current partner isn’t (check out “You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?”)? Is something currently transpiring in your current relationship that you are using fantasies about your ex to escape from?
You see, although when it comes to the topic of fantasizing about others when you’re having sex with someone else might seem like the a cut-and-dried, “Don’t do it, end of discussion” — as someone who works with couples for a living, I think the bigger concern isn’t if another guy comes into your mind during sex with your partner…it’s more about WHY is that happening to begin with. Because if you need to escape from where you are, if you can’t be present with your partner, something is definitely up.
When Should You Be Concerned About the Fantasies You Are Having?
GiphyDuring the last several months of breaking up (because we all know that sometimes breaking up is a process) with the last boyfriend whom I will have in this lifetime, I recall fantasizing about other people while having sex with him. It’s because I really wasn’t attracted to or interested in him, sexually, anymore — but I was a bit fearful of what it would mean to let the entire relationship go.
And boy, is that a huge red flag because I wasn’t fantasizing about some random famous person one time during sex — I was relying on images, my imagination, and previous experiences with other people to literally get me through the act. NOT. GOOD.
Y’all, one of the greatest and most profound forms of communication and connection between two people is sexual intimacy, and so, when it transpires, it really should only be about the two of them. That said, should you freak out over a thought about someone who creeps up into your mind every once in a while? Chile, more people have that happen than they will ever admit out loud.
On the other hand, should you worry if you’re like I was? I’ll put it this way — you should definitely be concerned because the last thing that you should be feeling during sex with someone is like you are suppressing what you need and/or that you want to escape from the moments that you are experiencing with them.
And yet, if that is indeed the case, though, what should you do?
Start with doing some sex journaling. Write down your fantasies, the sources of them, and why you are leaning on them in this season (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”). If they are tied to unrealistic situations, be real with yourself about that. If they are rooted in potential possibilities, do some journaling about how much you are “feeding into” that reality and what you think would be the wisest way to move forward, both for your sake as well as your relationship.
Talk to your partner. Each relationship is different, and so, while I’m not going to recommend that everyone just blurt out that they’ve been thinking about having sex with their co-worker or college sweetheart while having sex with their partner, I do think that the suppressed urges and desires (in general) should be mentioned. Sometimes, fantasies are birthed out of boredom (check out “If You're Not Having Great Sex, This Is (Probably) Why” and “Common Sex Problems Couples Have (& How To Fix 'Em)”) and doing something like creating a sex bucket list (check out “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List’”) can breathe new life into your bedroom.
Plus, sharing some of your deepest thoughts, feelings, and needs (in a kind, thoughtful, and mature way) can cultivate more emotional intimacy with your partner, and that can definitely be a good thing.
Consider seeing a sex therapist. If, after doing both of these things, the fantasies seem to be getting stronger and louder, you might need to make an appointment with a reputable sex therapist (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”). They may be able to help you to “connect some dots” about what’s going on that you wouldn’t have considered without their help, because sex therapists are trained in helping individuals sort out the mental and emotional sides of intimacy, not just the physical ones.
____
Are fantasies bad? They aren’t. However, when it comes to sexual ones, a quote by Benjamin Franklin absolutely comes to mind: “If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.”
And that, right there, should be a guiding message for how you should process the fantasies that you do have.
Amen? Sho’ you right.
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Featured image by Giphy