
I don't know about y'all, but I always enjoy a good hack. With all that I've got going on, anything that can help me get something accomplished faster or easier, that is something I want to know about—quick, fast, and in a hurry. And since y'all also (probably) know that I like to write about sex, I thought it would be a good idea to share some sex hacks—you know, certain things that you can do to bring more pleasure into your sexual experience without having to expend a lot of unnecessary time, effort and energy.
If that's something you've secretly been Googling while you're at work but haven't been able to find a cheat sheet that totally "scratches the itch", hopefully, this is the answer to your prayers. I've got 15 sex hacks that can make foreplay, climaxing, and all things in between better than they've probably been in a while. Perhaps, even better than they've ever been before. #wink
15 Sex Hacks For Better Sex
1. Do Some Stretches Together
It's kind of crazy that, while most of us know it's a good idea to do some stretches before working out, we don't give stretching out much thought before having sex. If you want to be able to easily get into some of the positions that are able to maximize your sexual pleasure, doing simple things like touching your toes, putting your arms behind your back, and bringing your knees up to your chest while laying on your back are all ways to warm your body up, so that you and your partner can easily switch from a favorite sex position to something new without a lot of discomfort—whether during the act or the hours that follow.
2. Eat Some Papaya
If you really look at a papaya (when it's sliced in half), it actually makes sense why it's a good idea for a man to umm, eat it (and I'll leave that right there). Anyway, when guys add papaya to their diet, the enzyme arginine that's in it will help to increase the blood flow to his penile region.
As far as we're concerned because papaya is a fruit that is also considered to be estrogenic (which basically means that it triggers the production of estrogen in the body), it can also help to strengthen our libido whenever we snack on some of it too.
3. Dance to Your Favorite Sex Jams Together
For a lot of people, sex and music go hand in hand (check out "Before You Pull Out Your Playlist, This Is How Music Affects Your Sex Life"). But whether or not that is actually the case for you and your boo, a great form of pre-foreplay is slow dragging together in a dimly lit room to some of your favorite sex-themed jams. "Adorn" (Miguel). "Nice & Slow" (Usher). "So Anxious" (Ginuwine). "Soon As I Get Home" (Faith Evans). "Brown Skin" (India.Arie). "Sex Therapy" (Robin Thicke). "Untitled (How Does It Feel?)" (D'Angelo). "Dive In" (Trey Songz). "Say Yes" (Floetry). "Breathe" (Raheem DeVaughn).
C'mon, y'all. How can you not want to get some after listening to 2-3 of these tracks while dancing all up on your partner? Whew.
4. Tell Each Other What You Love Most About Sex with Each Other

If you've been in a long-term relationship since you can remember, it can be easy to take your partner for granted. When I'm working with a couple who seems to be in a bit of a ho-hum state in their relationship (hey, it happens), something that I will oftentimes recommend that they do is write down all of the reasons why they fell for their partner in the first place. After they do, I then suggest that they post it up somewhere so that they and their partner can look at it, whenever they'd like to.
Along these same lines, sex ruts are fairly common too (check out "7 Signs You're In A 'Sex Rut' & How To Get Out Of It"). One way to pull out of those is to take a similar approach. Take a moment to think about all of the things that you enjoy about your partner sexually. But rather than (just) writing those things down, tell them. Taking a stroll down your own sexual memory lane can pull you back into why your partner is your sex partner of choice as well.
Plus, them hearing you share the reasons why you are so into them can do wonders for their sexual self-esteem (you too when they make a point to return the favor). By the way, make sure to be as graphic as possible. It's a kind of "dirty talk affirming" that definitely doesn't get the level of credit that it very much so deserves.
5. Keep Some Baby Wipes Nearby
Spontaneity in sex is always a good thing. That said, if you happen to be a bit of a germaphobe but making the time to take a shower feels like it would ruin the mood, keep some baby wipes nearby. They're convenient and able to "clean up" whatever needs it in a pinch. A brand that is good for your vagina and the environment actually isn't baby wipes but disposable ones. They're called GoodWipes Flushable Down There Rosewater Cleansing Wipes. You can get a box for under five bucks.
6. Cop a Waterproof Blanket
If you're someone who loves sex but hates the cleanup of it all, something that you might want to consider investing in is a waterproof blanket. If you put one of those underneath you and your partner, you'll be able to enjoy the comfort of a regular blanket while being able to simply wipe off any of the fluids that get onto it once you're, well, done. (You can find some of these by going to your favorite search engine and putting "waterproof blanket" in the search field.)
7. Bring a Chair into the Mix
I'm in my 40s, so it's actually kind of funny to hear the people, who I knew when we were both in our 20s, talk about how, while the drive for sex is still well and good, their back isn't as "youthful" as it used to be. If that is something you are able to nod your head in agreement about, when was the last time you had sex in a chair? Not only is it a great way for your partner to get some of the spine support that he needs but you can oftentimes get deeper penetration this way too.
At first, I was going to try and explain in words how to try a few new positions that involve a chair, but sharing pics is more effective. Plus, I was tickled that there's actually a site out in cyberspace called Christian Friendly Sex Positions (hilarious) that features some. Anyway, you can see over 40 different ways to have sex in a chair there, here.
8. Add Some Coconut Oil and Honey
If you or your partner are someone who struggles with chafing during sex, something that you might want to do is bring some coconut oil into the mix. If you apply it to your genitalia and inner thighs, it can significantly decrease the amount of uncomfortable friction that you might usually experience.
To make this an even more delightful hack, add a teaspoon of honey to every three tablespoons of coconut oil. Zap the mixture in the microwave for 15 minutes and then apply. Things will not only be wetter, but tastier too (if you know what I mean).
9. Spray Your Sheets with Casimiroa Edulis
Putting pretty much any essential oil (that doesn't have menthol in it like peppermint or eucalyptus do) on your sheets is going to make for a pretty sexy evening. But Casimiroa Edulis (also known as white sapote) is dope because it's able to increase your partner's sex drive, improve the quality of his semen, and hinder premature ejaculation. If you're wondering what it smells like, a lot of people compare the fruit itself to a combination of a peach and banana.
As far as where you can get some, I'll admit that it takes a little bit of doing. But Now Foods features a love blend that has Casimiroa Edulis as one of its main ingredients. You can cop a bottle of it here. Oh, and sites like Top Tropical and even Etsy sell the fruit.
10. Maintain Eye Contact

If you're someone who really does prefer to have sex in the dark, here's a reason to at least consider putting a blue or red light bulb into one of your lamps. If you want to feel emotionally closer and more connected to your partner during sex, eye contact is a surefire way to do that. I've actually had several of my male friends and clients tell me that when a man never wants a woman in a sexual position to where he has to look at her for a long period of time, it's usually because he wants to have sex "at" her rather than with her (meaning, it's more about getting off than being intimate with her).
Besides, eye contact during sex helps for both people's walls to come way down. And when you feel naked, on all levels, with your partner, that helps to cultivate a level of trust and security that makes you far more open to exploring all ways to bring forth mutual sexual pleasure.
11. Give Your Partner a Pre-Prostate Exam (Kinda)
Probably, until the end of time, there will be debates on whether or not the G-spot (on a man or woman) is a "real" thing. What I will say is when I found out where mine was supposedly located and I gave it a test run, some doors of pleasure opened up for me that I hadn't ever experienced before. Several of the fellas in my life say the same thing about when their prostate is ever so gently massaged.
Basically, a prostate is a walnut-sized gland that is right between a man's bladder and rectum. When you touch it, it can create an extra level of pressure and pleasure that is hard for them to describe. If you're down to do a little experimenting, you can click here for tips on where exactly to find your partner's prostate and how to massage it in a way that will make him not forget you. Ever.
12. Get into Some Femoral Action

Remember when I shouted out the coconut oil and honey a couple of points up? Another way that the blend can come in handy is if you and your partner are down for a little femoral action. If you're not familiar with what that is, it's when a man uses his penis to caress your inner thighs without actually penetrating you. Why the heck would you wanna do that? It's actually a great way to build up excitement and for him to increase his stamina, so that by the time intercourse actually takes place, you both are so revved up that a simultaneous orgasm is almost a given!
13. Have Your Partner Make “Cunnilingus Circles”
Clitoral hoods are important. So important, in fact, that I actually wrote an entire article devoted to that little part of our anatomy (check out "7 Reasons You Should TOTALLY Be In Love With Your Clitoral Hood"). And since our clitoris and clitoral hood have leading roles in how often we orgasm and how intensely we are able to climax whenever we do, I'm always down for finding "clit hacks" to increase sexual pleasure.
Well, Men's Health featured a study of over 1,000 women with 3 out of 4 ladies saying that, whenever a man uses his tongue or even his fingers to draw tiny circles around their clitoral area, that is a guaranteed way to get them off. If you've never tried it that way before, 75 percent of women say that you should. It definitely couldn't hurt. Quite the opposite, in fact.
14. Try a New Position. Often.

Here's something that's a trip. According to some sex experts, there are only six actual sex positions. The missionary, the cowgirl, the reverse cowgirl, doggy style, spooning and standing. Anything else is basically a variation of those. While that may be true, I look at this little discovery like ice cream flavors. Vanilla, chocolate and strawberry might be the classics, but vanilla bean, rocky road and strawberry cheesecake can make those flavors good AF. Same thing with sex positions.
If you want to bring more variety into your sex life, get out of the traditional sex and try a new variation, at least every third time you and yours come (and cum) together. If you need some inspiration, Kinkly is a site that actually features dozens of different sex positions ranked by type, mobility, and what part of your body it will excite the most. How cool is that? Check it out here.
15. Kiss As You Cum
Some people hate to kiss. Personally, I'm not one of those individuals, but I do think that sharing your mouth with someone else is pretty damn intimate and something that we shouldn't be out here just randomly doing (check out "Before You Lean In For Another Kiss, Read This."). But when you do find that person who you want to slob down (LOL), try and be intentional about doing it, right as you're about to have an orgasm.
Kissing is intense. The oxytocin that is shared with your partner can make you feel closer to them. And there's something about tongues touching during a climax that is—whew! NEXT LEVEL, chile! Kissing while coming is truly one of the best sex hacks that there is. Enjoy every single moment, sis.
Featured image by Giphy
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Because We Are Still IT, Girl: It Girl 100 Returns
Last year, when our xoNecole team dropped our inaugural It Girl 100 honoree list, the world felt, ahem, a bit brighter.
It was March 2024, and we still had a Black woman as the Vice President of the United States. DEI rollbacks weren’t being tossed around like confetti. And more than 300,000 Black women were still gainfully employed in the workforce.
Though that was just nineteen months ago, things were different. Perhaps the world then felt more receptive to our light as Black women.
At the time, we launched It Girl 100 to spotlight the huge motion we were making as dope, GenZennial Black women leaving our mark on culture. The girls were on the rise, flourishing, drinking their water, minding their business, leading companies, and learning to do it all softly, in rest. We wanted to celebrate that momentum—because we love that for us.
So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.

In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.

In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.

And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.

We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.

So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.

That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.

This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
One thing that will never go out of style is the pride Black women take in showcasing and adorning our crowns. From sculpting braids to sleek bobs and curls for days, the girls are always playing with texture, color, and undeniable creativity—switching up our hairstyles like we do our moods. This season, hair is less about what's trending and more about expression. We're experimenting, evolving, and embodying every version of ourselves.
In partnership with SheaMoisture, this year's It Girl 100 celebrates the beauty of "Yes, And," an ode to the women who wear every side of themselves with confidence. These innovators remind us power and softness, heritage and reinvention, can beautifully co-exist. It's a call to own every layer of who we are. Because being an It Girl isn’t about choosing one version of yourself. It’s about saying yes to all of them.
Below, the women featured in xoNecole's It Girl 100 Class of 2025 are doing that—and then some—eloquently showing us how to say "Yes, And," to hair looks that always serve.
Luxe Layers x Serena Page
From braids and twists to platinum wigs, Love Island season six winner Serena Page continues to prove she can do it all, and do it all flawlessly. No matter the style, her hair game is undefeated. The softly layered middle-part with just the right amount of bounce is a classic Black girl hairstyle that gives inches without sacrificing body. It's a style that gives soft glam with a finish so seamless it could pass as a silk press—the kind of just-left-the-salon ease we all crave.
The Remix Cut x Ruesworld
When it comes to a short cut with attitude, Ruthann Palacios does not come to play. Known on social media by the moniker @ruesworldd, the content creator keeps her foot on our necks with the way she remixes her short cuts time and time again. Her recent sculpted, asymmetrical style is less of the "pixie" we're used to and more of a power move as she channels the bold innovation of '90s icons like Missy Elliott. This time, with extra length through her crown and right side, a sharp shorn left etched with box designs, and added length in the back, the hairstyle is equal parts edgy and architectural while being a look that's completely her own.
"I just told my stylist I wanted something cool and let them have full creative control with it," Ruthann told us of the hairstyle. "It channels my It Girl energy because I’m not afraid to take risks and show up boldly as myself, no matter the look." As a resident It Girl, it's clearly Rue's world—we're just living in it.
Fulani Flow x Kayla Nicole
Founder and podcast host Kayla Nicole's face card never declines, and neither do her statement hairstyles. One such look was her Fulani braids, a style that looked like it was made to be her signature. Originating from the Fulani people of West Africa, this traditional style features cornrows braided down the center of the head, with smaller plaits framing the face and beads or accessories woven throughout. Kayla's take on the tradition complete with center cornrows once again proved what we all know to be true: when it comes to heritage and repping for the culture, an It Girl never has to choose.
Top Tier Knot x Yana C.
Known to her followers online as @goldynaps, Yana C. is the queen of turning hair into her favorite art form. One of her latest looks feels like a love letter to '90s Black hair creativity. With Fulani-inspired cornrows braided flat and finished into bantu knots that line the center of her head like a crown, paired with a sleek straight sew-in flowing in the back, the style is equal parts nostalgic and next-level. And, of course, her signature ash blonde locks takes it all up a notch.
"This style was inspired by the ’90s—my favorite era for artistry in Black hair!” Yana shared with xoNecole. “My hair has always been such a notable part of who I am, and I love to express myself through it and make it an extension of my personal style. This style channels my It Girl energy because it’s a reminder that Black hair isn’t just hair—it’s art."
The look, which racked up major views on TikTok, is giving everything it needs to give. Because for Yana, self-expression will always make her the main character.
Sculpted Braids x Shema Love
Let Black girls be whimsical.
For content creator and creative visionary Shema Love, this hairstyle encapsulates that mood perfectly. The intricate, symmetrical design captures both the power and the playfulness defining this season's resident Black girl hair renaissance for It Girls everywhere. "I loved the whimsy of this hairstyle. I want to see Black women be allowed to experiment more with whimsy with our hair," Shema shares with xoNecole. "I love the symmetry of it and a look that shines from every angle. And of course, no style ever feels complete to me without my baby hairs laid."
Boho Boss Braids x Toni Bravo
Toni Bravo may be the "CEO of Blush," but she is also a resident slayer of hair looks. Whether she's rocking a custom install or a silk press, the content creator is making a hair moment just as often as she's putting us on to the latest beauty finds. But when she debuted her boho box braids earlier this year, she reminded us that every new hair alert hits just a little different.
Loose, free-flowing curls woven through intricate box braids add movement and softness to the tried-and-true style, creating a look that’s equal parts effortless and elevated. "I wanted something a little messy but just as intentional, and it was perfect. It channels the part of me that loves to have fun and switch it up while trying something new," Toni tells us about her look. "An It Girl knows that the best things are right outside of your comfort zone."
The low-maintenance meets high-impact style is one that channels Toni's booked, busy, and bossy era to a T.
Black Girl Bob x Maya Allen
Whether asymmetrical, curly, or blunt, there's something irrefutably It Girl about rocking a bob. With quiet confidence, it's a cut that commands attention. Beauty editor and expert Maya Allen has worn different iterations of the bob throughout the years, but this one—styled with a deep side part and cut just below her jawline—frames her face and enviable bone structure to perfection. In an interview with Cosmopolitan, Maya dubbed her signature bob "a power cut." "It’s like a power suit for my hair," she added. "It makes me feel fierce and effortlessly chic without ever having to try too hard."
Fro The Culture x Zaynah
The afro will forever be a cultural statement. It's a style that represents the most natural state of our hair, a crown that often defies gravity whenever we choose to wear it. Content creator Zaynah understands the fro's power as a symbol of Black beauty and can be seen wearing her type 4 hair unapologetically in much of her viral social media content. Whether achieved through twist-outs, braid outs, wash n' gos, or perfectly picked, Zaynah's take on the afro hairstyle is full, stretched, and beautifully shaped. With it, she embodies not just It Girl energy with pride and confidence, but the freedom to take up space.
Pony Up x Kirah Ominique
As far as we're concerned, nobody does a ponytail quite like Kirah Ominique. The It Girl's It Girl has made the sleek, added-hair ponytail as signature of hers when she's not sporting braids or a slick-back bun. With her baby hairs laid, and every strand of her hair smoothed and locked into place, the hairstyle is a clean, sculpted serve that's as chic as it is fierce. The content creator and beauty influencer's ponytails are the perfect blend of playfulness and precision, a put-together staple in every It Girl's hairstyle arsenal.
In Her Copper Era x Keke Palmer
If "blondes have more fun," then the ladies deciding to rock copper are rewriting the rules. In recent years, copper has had a bit of a resurgence as a warmer, richer take on going lighter, and nobody's been owning that energy lately quite like Keke Palmer. This year, the host and actress debuted her now-signature hue in its boldest form yet: a tousled face-framing pixie that gives the timeless allure we've come to associate with '90s icons like Nia Long and Halle Berry.
As Byrdie put it best, "We've seen the shade at every length and in every style, but this one is truly something special."
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list here.
Featured image courtesy of Ruthann Palacios









