

When I think of the most traumatic stories one can experience, breakups are among the firsts that come to mind. Losing someone that we love can become the source of such a wrenching pain, it draws an indelible trace on our hearts and leaves us changed forever. As bizarre as it may seem, breakup stories are my favorites to write. It's true that they involve a lot of darkness and negativity that the world would gladly pass on. But the reason I find it essential to tell these stories is that they involve the darkness and negativity that most of us go through, yet often refuse to talk about because of fear.
Fear of being judged, fear of being misunderstood, fear of being alone...sometimes we even fear talking about a breakup because it'd mean that we acknowledge and accept the fact that the relationship is over.
For this particular reason, I recently asked four women* about the worst ways they've been broken up with with the intent to share their stories on xoNecole—I wanted to show you that alone and misunderstood is something that you, who's reading this, will never be. Indeed, there'll always be someone out there going through the same things that you're going through. There'll always be someone experiencing your pain. In fact, what you're experiencing is called life, and life is something that happens to every one of us.
Sharing stories you can relate to isn't the sole purpose of this article, though. What was also important to me was to show you that each of these ladies has somehow found a way to bounce back after hitting rock bottom. Each woman was able to find the good in goodbye. Each was able to find joy and glow again. These stories are reminders that no matter how low you may feel, eventually, you'll bounce back too.
*Names have been withheld for the ladies to maintain their anonymity. Pseudonyms have been used so that the ex-lovers could maintain their privacy.
I Moved To Another State For Him & He Dumped Me Soon After
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*Thomas and I met through mutual friends. He's always been pretty upfront about his attraction and desire to get to know me and I wasn't against it. We'd gotten the opportunity to get together (with our friends) on several occasions and I enjoyed our conversations; I thought that he was a cool and funny guy. When he and I began to date exclusively, we did so for almost two years. Within this timeframe, we were serious enough for our families to meet as well as to discuss the serious steps that we wanted to take together as a couple. The first big step, we agreed, was to move from Ohio to Atlanta, GA, where he's from.
At the beginning of our relationship, our similarities, the connection that we had, the way we clicked...the feeling that I was getting from it all was that "we" were too good to be true. But a couple of months in, it became obvious that I'd simply crossed paths with a good person—my person.
Or so I thought.
Thomas was in his last year of law school when I started preparing for our move. Well, it wasn't really our move, it was more my move. I'd decided that, in order to establish myself as well as my professional career over there, I'd move before Thomas graduated so that I could take the time and space I needed to do so. Three months before the big day, what I hadn't noticed was uncertainty at the time began to settle in. "Are you sure you want to do this?" He'd ask me. "Maybe you can wait, just so we can move together?" Neither he nor I were the kind to let doubt creep in during moments or conversations like these. My soul inevitably perceived his words as him looking out for me, not wanting me to go through this on my own while he'd still be stuck in school, unable to protect me should anything happen.
I believe the moment I started feeling that something was off was when I was offered a job in Atlanta. I noticed a significant gap between both our levels of excitement; he wasn't as thrilled as I was. On top of that, there was the fact that, days later, he didn't come to help me move out of my apartment.
My gut feeling, which I was trying my best to ignore on that day, told me that it wasn't normal. Apparently, my cousin didn't think it was either. Being a man himself, I remember him advising me to only move if I wanted to—he, too, was getting a strange feeling from my man's absence.
The moment everything turned upside down came two weeks later, as we were driving to visit an apartment for me. I'd temporarily moved in with my grandmother and was therefore looking for my own place. Since I'd landed in Atlanta, I'd been hanging out with Thomas—who was there to visit—and his family. Despite the good times that we were having, I'd noticed a shift in his attitude, and some things started adding up. All of which started giving me an uneasy feeling. So uneasy that at some point, I felt drawn to ask: "Do you still want to be in this relationship?"
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"No," he said. "There are things that I don't like about you which I feel you'll never change because this is just who you are. And the truth is, I don't see myself married to someone like you."
This whole car conversation was a gut punch. I was furious—and extremely sad at the same time. I'd move to Atlanta for a very specific reason, him, and he was bluntly showing me how huge the mistake I'd just done was. He left me. I found myself isolated in a new city that had broken its promise for a future filled with love and which then lost all its appeal.
Both physiologically and psychologically, having my heart broken changed a lot of things: I lost thirty pounds in the matter of a month, and navigating life was very painful. Later finding out that he'd been cheating on me didn't help. The only way for me to get over Thomas, I figured, was to run away. As far as possible. So, I used my connections. I called one of my friends who always told me to feel free to reach out if I was ever looking for a job and he did all he could to help me pave a way out of Atlanta.
The distance, time, having something to do career- and purpose-wise, meeting new people, allowing myself to fall in love again is the medicine that helped me fix my broken heart.
Over the years, I became open to receiving feedback from the men I was dating. Some of them pointed out the same flaws in me which eventually made me realize that I was probably not the easiest person Thomas had to deal with. No excuse for how he did what he did; he should have broken up with me. He just should have done it differently. All in all, my breakup with Thomas was the catalyst for me to grow up and learn how to take full ownership of the role I play in my relationships instead of just blaming the other person.
Our New Year Resolution Talk Led To The End Of Our Relationship
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I believe that human beings fall in love three times during their lifetime. The first time, obviously, is our first attempt at love. We tend to believe that we'll spend the rest of our life with that person—which may happen—but basically, this is mainly the first experience. Then comes our second love: the hardest. It's the love that teaches us about ourselves and changes us at our core. And finally, the third love, which is supposed to be our happily ever after.
*Dorian was my second love. Had I not experienced life with him, I wouldn't be the woman I am today. I wouldn't have been able to know exactly what I want in a relationship, I'd still be insecure and trying to find somebody to fill the void.
When I was introduced to Dorian, I was still dating someone. Funny enough, the work friends that we had in common and who wanted me to meet him believed that my boyfriend at the time wasn't right for me, so they insisted for me to hang out with them all so that Dorian and I could get to know each other. To make a long story short, Dorian didn't impress me at all in the beginning, although I did think that he was a cool guy. With that said, because we shared the same workplace, we got to spend a lot of time together, and, eventually, we built a bond. A bond that I must admit rapidly became ambiguous as, even though Dorian didn't impress me when I first met him, I grew to like him enough to break up with the guy I was dating.
Our relationship wasn't all sunshine and rainbows, though. We loved each other deeply, indeed, but because we both had a lot of growing up to do emotionally, it didn't take long before we somehow began tearing each other down. As I said, I was insecure—and he was too. He didn't know how to express himself, so he would often project his insecurities on me. As for me, I kept some parts of my life before him to myself because I feared he would reject me. The lack of trust is something that truly affected him.
One day into that new year, we agreed that, after being together for almost four years, it was time to start off on a clean slate. We spoke a lot on the morning of New Year's Day. However, when I felt safe enough to finally share my truth with him, the conversation took a turn that I did not expect. I thought he'd be understanding and that he'd give me his support. Instead, he completely blew up on me—and put an end to our story.
Losing my best friend isn't the way I expected the first day of 2019 to go. Generally, New Year's Day is supposed to be a little happier than that. At worst, meant to recover from a strong hangover from the night before. But being broken up with? I wasn't prepared for that.
The days that followed were terrible. I felt as though I had nobody to turn to anymore when things turned bad. Back in the day, I was diagnosed with high-functioning depression and panic disorder. Dorian was the only one who'd seen me have panic attacks and the only one who actually tried to help me overcome that. He used to be my rock—and now I was left to deal with life on my own. Until I remembered that this is what therapy is actually for.
The first four times I saw my therapist, all she heard me talk about was [my relationship with] Dorian. I was going through a roller coaster of emotions and had the hardest time grieving. But once the whole topic of "us" was covered, it was then time to shift the focus of the conversation on me. Me, my feelings, the reason why my love for him was so strong, the necessity for my well-being to move on, and my inabilities to let go.
The most defining lessons that I learned while going to therapy are, one, although my love for Dorian was real, the reason it grew so big was that it came from a place of self-doubt. I was dealing with self-esteem issues and was unconsciously depending on him to fix me.
However, the cure to our problems can't be found in other people. They must be found within. If you are to love someone, it's because that person adds to your life, meaning you're already whole all by yourself. Two, things start getting better from the moment you decide that they will.
My separation from Dorian forced me to level up to a higher version of myself. When I started elevating, taking some distance, I began seeing the situation from a whole other point of view. I was able to witness the bigger picture and as soon as it happened, I knew I'd just been provided with all the evidence I needed to believe that, in the end, I was better off on my own. At least during that season of my life.
He Broke Up With Me Through A Text & Took Off To Africa
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Until he decided to abruptly end our relationship through text and take off to Africa right after pressing 'send', *Cameron and I dated for a year. Our story was special. We'd known each other for approximately 10 years before we started dating; it was the kind of love story you see in Hallmark movies. You know when the man has the longest crush on his friend but she has no idea, although she has a lot of love for him as well. And then, the timing of their respective love life never gives them the chance to explore what they don't know exists between them until, 10 years later, singleness finally finds them both at the same time. Yes, it was that kind of romance.
The both of us together formed a great pair; we had the same sense of humor, had a strong connection, traveling was one of our favorite activities to do together…
I couldn't say that our relationship wasn't healthy—if anything, we were best friends who were romantically involved and there have never been any signs of a red flag in sight. This is probably why the breakup caught me so off-guard; everything was fine.
However, when I visited him in Boston that time I had no idea it would be the last—I'm from New York; we were in a long-distance relationship—I noticed a shift in his energy. He was strangely acting as though my every move, not to say my presence as a whole, bothered him. I couldn't pinpoint what it was that I did or said that put him in such a mood. Of course, he wouldn't tell me either—later after the breakup, he admitted that his behavior had nothing to do with me and was in fact due to the struggles he was going through at the time. That was the most uncomfortable I've ever felt around him—and frustrated because he'd asked me to come only to make me feel unwelcome in the end.
Eventually, the time finally came for me to travel back home and get back in my own space and to my own routine. His bad mood had faded a bit before I left, but my senses were telling me that something was still off. And indeed, as well all know, intuition never lies.
No more than 24 hours after I left Boston, a notification popped up on my phone. It was a text from him, a goodbye text. I was at work going through a roller coaster of emotions while reading all these paragraphs that he'd written. So many words simply to tell me that he didn't want to be with me anymore and that, on top of everything, he was about to board a plane to Africa.
It was hurtful. Not so much the breakup, but his behavior. You know a person for so long, you have this built-in trust with him and then, he lets you down... It's hurtful. It makes you question everything, especially who can you trust if you couldn't even trust the person you thought you knew so well? I debated whether or not it was worth responding to his text for a week. After endlessly writing, erasing, and rewriting my response, I ultimately got it off my chest. I had to.
Sometimes, people will tell you to "kill them with silence." While it's a wise thing to do, I believe that there are some situations where you must stick up for yourself. That was one of those for me.
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You see, long-distance relationships come with a lot of sacrifices, whether it's time, money, or [something] else. During that weekend, the sacrifices that I made weren't considered which was very disrespectful, so I had to speak up for myself and show him that what he did wasn't right, nor was it fair.
All in all, it was the worst way I've been broken up with, but I'm happy to say that it didn't shatter me. Quite the contrary, it made me realize what he was capable of; his exit was so big and intense, I couldn't go past it. And focusing on that instead of all the reasons why I loved him opened the way for me to heal and move on quite quickly. I must also admit that the timing couldn't have been better for it happened at a moment in my life where I was finding myself at an intersection. I'd just graduated from college, I was being presented with tons of opportunities, I could decide to do whatever I wanted to do, become whoever I wanted to become; the only one I'd need to look after was me.
A month or so later, I received another text from him, this time saying that he missed me. "I get it," I replied. "I'd miss me too."
After Fake Proposing To Me, He Confessed That He Wanted To See Other People. “People” Included His Homeboy.
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Have you ever found yourself in a relationship that you initially didn't want, yet you ended up the most hurt when it ended? That's exactly what happened to me with *Devin, the most toxic spiritual encounter I've ever had in my life.
I met Devin at a bookstore located in Flint, MI, where he happened to work. My spiritual advisor introduced us. Devin was different from all the other men I'd met before. He was this fine, chocolate man with big almond-shaped brown eyes. He wore his hair like a Black nerd—but a sexy Black nerd. He was nothing like the men I'd dealt with before.
Somehow, that bookstore became my new coworking space. I'd go there to get some work done and whenever he had some free time, Devin would sit with me to help me and give me new ideas for my projects. I remember we'd also talk about entrepreneurship—he was trying to get his feet wet in public relations—and spirituality. The best part was that we started by building a friendship by connecting intellectually, which made him even more attractive to me.
With all of that being said, believe it or not, I wasn't trying to date him. At the time, a relationship wasn't part of my priorities at all; all I wanted to focus on was school and my future. But I'd be lying if I told you that the latter stopped me from accepting his invitation to take me out on a date.
If anything, this man whom I considered my friend made me feel safe. I was comfortable with him, comfortable enough to completely allow him into my life. By that, I mean allowing him to spend time with me at my place and sometimes stay overnight, plus introducing him to my family.
After some time, though, his actions began reminding me of a manipulation technique called love bombing. He would overwhelm me with love, shower me with gifts, and would become passive-aggressive when he'd hear me say that I wasn't ready to commit to him. The times he visited me at my place, I noticed, he'd leave some of his stuff around, probably as a way to mark his territory. In all honesty, the situation began giving me a strange feeling, I wasn't at ease. But my friends kept insisting that I was overthinking it. In their eyes, Devin was only a good man and they maintained that I should just accept receiving his love.
Eventually, spending so much time together led us to become more intimate. Not because I wanted to, but because I felt giving myself to him was the right thing to do as he'd been such a gentleman to me—and according to other people, I'd been so hard on him.
I'll never forget that night when I saw a Black figure leave my room as he was getting off of me. Immediately, I knew that something had changed within me spiritually-speaking. It was like I'd just lost my mind.
From the moment we had sex, we created the strongest soul tie. I couldn't get rid of him, even in spite of the many signs that I received from God urging me to run away. If I felt safe in his presence before, being involved with him then made me feel depressed. I was also sure that he'd brought the spirit of pestilence into my home, added to the fact that I found myself at the hospital quite a few times because of ruptured cysts and twisted ovaries. One night, as I was dealing with my suicidal thoughts while on my way back from work, a deer suddenly hit my car. The accident shook me so much, I knew it wouldn't take any more signs for me to understand that it was time to save myself. With a lot of difficulties, I ultimately found the strength to tell him that we were over.
Fast forward to several months later, Devin reached out to me again. He was being very apologetic and told me that he wanted us to meet up. I know I shouldn't have but I agreed.
At the time I was still really suppressing and dishonoring my intuition. Somehow, I began questioning whether I'd made the right decision when I left. I thought that maybe I was really missing out on something, so I gave him another chance.
Soon after Valentine's Day—that he celebrated with his new homeboy, whom he'd met during the time we were broken up because I was out of town—he came over to my house. It was a sweet moment because we hadn't seen each other in a long time. And at some point during the night, he pronounced some words that sounded a lot like a proposal to me. "If I was to propose to you, would you marry me?" he asked. Although I'd said that I didn't want to commit to him before, the fact that life seemed to keep bringing us back together despite our arguments and disagreements, I was then convinced that he was my soulmate. So, with a glowing heart, ready to hand him my hand, I said, "Yes, I would."
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Until, Devin flipped the script on me. Immediately, he admitted that he simply wanted to hear what I'd respond, which was far different from what he'd imagined because to him, it was clear that we weren't a good match in the end. He also briefly mentioned his desire to see other people. Other people that, from my understanding and to my greatest surprise, included the man he spent Valentine's Day with.
If there was one lesson to learn from my story, it'd be to never doubt the signs that God is sending you. I was upset at myself for not listening, also very angry because choosing to get involved with him was similar to choosing to abandon myself.
One of the ways that I found to bounce back from this emotional deception was to get back to my roots, to the essence of who I am. I moved back to my hometown, started spending more time with my family, and my childhood friends. I went back to visit the places that held cheerful memories and made it a priority to do more of the things that made me happy. On the bright side, however, even if this whole experience destroyed me inside, it was the catalyst that allowed me to live my dream to write a book and become an author. All of which has shown me that, if you let them, major breakdowns can actually lead you to the biggest breakthroughs.
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Your July 2025 Monthly Horoscopes Are All About Reflection & Reclaiming Your Power
July is a month of reflection, trusting the process, and gathering your resources. July marks the beginning of Retrograde Season, and there is a lot to move through and understand this month. We enter the month in Cancer Season, and emotions are running high. This month is a reminder that when we can take a moment for a pause, reflect on all we have learned, and remain open to what is ahead of us, we can experience true peace today.
On July 4, we have Venus entering Gemini and Neptune going retrograde in Aries. Venus in Gemini brings an interesting dynamic to matters of love and creates an atmosphere of fun, flexibility, and communication in partnerships. Neptune going retrograde in Aries brings a sense of empowerment regarding reflection and contemplation, and guides us to ask ourselves the important questions. This Neptune retrograde is about getting clear on who you are or who you want to be, and about clearing any confusion in that.
July 2025 Astrology Overview
Uranus Enters Gemini
Uranus makes an important transit this month and enters Gemini on July 7 after being in Taurus since 2018. Uranus in Gemini is a wildcard, and anything can happen during this time. With Uranus being the planet of change, upheaval, and breakthrough, and Gemini being the sign of communication, there is a new opening appearing in life, especially regarding creative and business matters.
A few days later, we have a Full Moon in Capricorn, grounding all the energy we have experienced the past month. This Full Moon is about creating space for more security, understanding, and purpose to enter your life, and to own your power in creating your dreams.
Saturn Goes Retrograde, Then Mercury
Saturn goes Retrograde on July 13 until November 27, and Saturn Retrograde brings a push towards growth, but also examines what has been restricting you from doing so. With Saturn currently in Aries, you may be feeling more challenged in standing up for yourself and your beliefs and owning your growth. It’s about reminding yourself how far you have come and knowing that things can get better for you at any moment.
A few days later, we have Mercury going retrograde in Leo, and this Mercury Retrograde is also feeling more personal. It’s about examining how you express yourself and live in your confidence, and overcoming miscommunication with others by showing up exactly as you are authentically.
Leo Season Begins, Chiron Goes Retrograde & Venus Enters Cancer
Leo Season officially begins on July 22, bringing more sunshine after the emotional waters of Cancer Season. Even though we are in Retrograde Season now, with the Sun in Leo, we find the power to overcome even the most trying times. On July 24, we have a New Moon in Leo, making this a powerful New Moon to set intentions for your inner power, creativity, hobbies, self-expression, and where you want to shine in life. Chiron goes retrograde on July 30, and Venus enters Cancer on the same day, and we leave July, entering a new door in love.
One that is more healing and passionate than before. Overall, July is a month of closure and one that is creating the new ground for more purpose, excitement, and love to grow. Keep reading for your Sun, Moon, and rising sign below to see what July has in store for you.
Jump to Your Sign
Aries | Taurus | Gemini | Cancer | Leo | Virgo | Libra | Scorpio | Sagittarius | Capricorn | Aquarius | Pisces
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
A lot of things are brought to your attention this month, Aries. Neptune entered your sign this year for some time to come, and this month Neptune goes retrograde in Aries until the end of October. For you, this means you need some more time to process, understand yourself and your emotional world better, and you are clearing the fog. You are entering Retrograde Season with a deep inner clarity, but also an understanding that your healing doesn’t need to be rushed.
Mid-month, Saturn goes retrograde in Aries until September 1, and it’s important not to be hard on yourself right now. You have a strong urge to transform your life this month, but things may not be happening as quickly with the retrogrades in your sign. On July 30, Chiron also goes retrograde in Aries until 2026, and you end the month in introspection, with the need to take care of your health more. This month is a reminder that you can make plans, but divine timing will always have a say.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
July is a month of closure for you, Taurus. You begin the month with Uranus going retrograde in your 2nd house of income, and it’s a good time to prepare for a rainy day. Uranus is going to be shifting the dynamics in your life when it comes to your financial investments, earnings, and sense of stability, and it’s time to open your mind to what is possible for you and your abundance in life. You are learning to be fearless when it comes to owning your authenticity, and knowing that who you are is unique and worthy of love.
On July 10, we have a Full Moon happening in your 9th house, creating an opportunity for travel plans to follow through, or you just feeling more adventurous in general. Mid-month is about letting go of old belief systems that don’t resonate with your heart, and clearing the way for the new to be built in your life. You end the month with Chiron retrograde in your 12th house of endings, and you are learning through what is transforming in your life.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You are a powerhouse this month, Gemini. This is a month of achievement, success, and growing more deeply into your power. We begin the month with Venus entering your sign from July 4 until July 30, and love is taking you to new heights. This is a good month for making relationship developments, and for being received well. You are growing in your inner confidence and self-love, and this is creating more harmony in your partnerships as well.
One of the most important astrological transits of the year happens for you this month, and that is Uranus entering your sign on July 7, where it will remain until 2033. With Uranus now being in your sign, you are entering a journey of freedom, rebellion, self-expression, breakthrough, and immense change. You are dancing to the beat of your own drum and will be surprising others by how much life changes for you over the next eight or so years. We end the month with Mercury going retrograde in your 3rd house of communication, remember to think things through as you close out the month.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
July is a month of communication, creativity, and self-expression, Cancer. Cancer Season is here for you, and you are moving through the month claiming your power, speaking from the heart, and balancing your needs with others’ needs in your life. The Full Moon of the month on July 10 is your opportunity to let go of anything that has been weighing you down in your close partnerships, and to create room for more stable, committed, and fulfilling love to enter.
On July 24, we have the New Moon of the month, which will be happening in your 2nd house of income, abundance, and self-worth. You are evaluating how you want to show up and ask for what you need, and are preparing for a financial breakthrough. This is a good New Moon to set your intentions for your financial world and to see new ways to create a stronger foundation for yourself here. We end the month with Venus entering your sign from July 30 until August 25, and love feels a little more intense, passionate, and purposeful now.
Your guidance for the month overall is to know that you are the magnet for the things you want in your life, and that you have the power to rise above and claim them.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Joy is what this month is about for you, Leo. You are entering a fulfilling time in your life, where everything comes together for you better than you have ever imagined it to. Mercury goes retrograde in your sign this month from July 18 - August 11, but it’s not stopping you from enjoying your life and living out your truth. You are moving through this Retrograde fearlessly and learning more about yourself in the process.
Leo Season officially begins on July 18, and it’s your time to shine your light, Leo. With the Sun in Leo, you feel like your authentic self is being recognized and loved, and you are healing from a space of feeling like you have to do it all alone. A few days later, we have a Leo New Moon on July 24, and this is the time to set your intentions for your future and for how you want to show up in the world moving forward. July is your month of fulfillment through growth, compassion, and community, and for feeling like you have everything you need.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
July is all about perspective, Virgo. You are getting inspired this month, creating new plans for your life, and owning an adventurous side to yourself. With the Sun in your 11th house of aspirations for most of the month, July is a great time to manifest your dreams and to feel more powerful in creating your reality. Some Virgos could be traveling this month and seeing previous plans through, and you are gaining clarity on a lot of aspects of your life by doing things in a new way right now.
Your ruling planet, Mercury, goes retrograde this month and will be retrograding through an area of your life that has to do with healing, closure, spirituality, and your dream world. Pay attention to the messages you are receiving during this time, because they are guiding you towards your healing and personal empowerment. The New Moon on July 24 will also be highlighting your need to close one chapter of your life and begin another, and you are closing out the month with a new perspective in your heart and soul.
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
This is a month of fulfillment for you, Libra. A lot of things are falling into place for you in July, and you are owning your freedom and independence right now. Uranus enters your 9th house of travel at the beginning of the month, and you are entering a new journey in your life where you do things in your own way and when you break free of the status quo. You are growing so much mentally this year, and July is when the work you have done internally is being reflected externally.
On July 10, we have a Full Moon in your 4th house of home, family, stability, and emotional harmony, and you are finding your balance. This is a Full Moon of forgiveness, and one where you are recognizing the power in self-care and taking care of your inner world. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Leo, and you are seeing a breakthrough happen within your friendships, community, and support system. You have some exciting opportunities coming your way this month, and you are living life in your own way and on your own terms.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
July is about protecting your energy, Scorpio. You have been setting your intentions and creating the life you dream of, and it’s important to create boundaries from those who don’t understand your vision or support you right now. With Uranus moving out of your 7th house of love and entering your 8th house of transformation, after changing things up in your relationships for the past eight years, you are ready to break free from old pain, experiences, or uneasiness in love.
Mercury goes retrograde this month on July 18, and will be retrograde in your house of career. This is the time to take a step back, go over your goals, and give life time to catch up to your dreams. The New Moon on July 24 will be activating this same area of your life, and you are getting glimpses of what is possible for you and your sense of success as you end the month. Overall, your main message this month is to not give up on who you are and what you are building towards, and to know that you are on the right path.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
This is a powerful month of growth for you, Sagittarius. You have the Midas Touch, and you are creating abundance in your life. With Venus and Uranus moving into your 7th house of love, partnership, harmony, and wealth, there are a lot of new opportunities coming your way right now. You are someone who is out-of-the-box and does things their own way, and this energy is serving you well right now and making you a magnet for new opportunities to enter your life.
Mid-month, we have a Full Moon in your 2nd house of abundance and self-worth, and you are feeling more appreciation and value in your life. Previous financial intentions and plans are coming to fruition for you now, and you are ready to let go of the self-doubt of it all. At the end of the month, we have a New Moon in fellow fire sign Leo, and this New Moon is asking you to take more creative risks and to trust that you are on the right path, even if it looks different than others. If it feels right for you, it probably is, Sag.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)
Everything comes to fruition for you this month, Capricorn. July is your month of achievement, closure, and claiming your power, and you are doing so confidently. The Sun is in your house of love and partnership for most of the month, and July creates a space of happiness and commitment within your close relationships. On July 10, we have a Full Moon in Capricorn, and life comes full circle for you. Everything you have been building in your life over the past year is being reflected to you now, and you are feeling a lot of gratitude for where life is today.
Mid-month, your ruling planet Saturn, goes retrograde, and this is shifting the energy in the home. Whatever dynamics that have felt a little shaky for you in the home or with family are being addressed now, and you are learning the importance of healing your inner world and doing the work internally. With a New Moon in your 8th house of transformation to end the month, you are getting a little more vulnerable in July, and it’s surprising others, but even yourself. This is your month of closing one door in your life in peace, and seeing a new one bloom in the process.
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)
July is about taking things slow and thinking things through, Aquarius. Relationship dynamics in your life could be causing some challenges or confusion, and it’s best to choose your battles wisely right now. With the Sun in your house of health and daily rituals for most of the month, it’s important to take care of your well-being before you try to fix anything else. On July 10, we have a Full Moon in your 12th house of healing, closure, and spirituality, and this is a good time to reflect on everything you want to let go of in your life right now and what you no longer want to carry forward with you into your new beginnings.
Saturn, one of your ruling planets, goes Retrograde in your house of communication this month, and over the next few months, you are going to be learning about the power of your words. Make sure you are only speaking of things you want to bring forth into existence, and be careful with jumping to assumptions right now. Before the month ends, Mercury goes Retrograde in your 7th house of love, and your heart is seeking forgiveness. Know that you can find clarity during this time by being honest with yourself and your heart.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
There is a lot to process this month, and your mind is healing, Pisces. July is your month of overcoming past challenges and letting go of habits and routines that don’t serve you in the long run. Neptune, one of your ruling planets, goes Retrograde this month, and will be bringing your attention to your values and income world during this time. This transit is allowing you to gain clarity on your financial reality, establish greater self-worth and confidence, and get inspired by what is possible for you and your sense of abundance in life.
On July 18, Mercury goes retrograde in your 6th house of health, and you are ready to let go of the daily rituals or working routines that have been limiting your personal growth in some way. It’s time to examine what your body, mind, and soul are asking for right now, and to have the power to let go of what doesn’t resonate with your overall well-being. Before the month ends, Chiron goes retrograde in your 2nd house as well, joining Neptune, and there is a lot of healing to be done this month.
You are being asked to see yourself as a powerful, worthy, and loved being you are, and to know that you deserve to feel good about your life and to feel secure in what you are building for yourself and your future.
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Women Are (Still) Spelling 'Coconut' With Their Hips. And Guys Are Losing Their Damn Minds.
While prepping for a podcast interview a while back, because I received the questions beforehand, I did a bit of research into one of the inquiries: what are men’s current favorite sex positions? I doubt any of you are shocked by the fact that what continued to pop up (like here, here, and here) was doggy style and the cowgirl position (i.e., when a woman is on top).
When it comes to ridin’, specifically, that got me to thinking about something that was all over the internet a few years ago: women who were advising that you spell “coconut” with your hips, during sex, in order for you and your partner to receive maximum pleasure and satisfaction.
When I asked a few women I know if they ever tried that before, I was surprised to discover that not only had they, but many didn’t treat it as some random social media fad — they actually still do it to this day. Partly, because it’s fun to them and partly because their partner(s) seem to go crazy for it.
Listen, any time something sexual works like a charm, I’m going to shout it out — (late) trend or not. And so, if you’ve never heard of the whole coconut thing, you tried it and forgot all about it, or you just want to try something new/different/else tonight — here’s a reminder, in article form, that coconut-ting is still alive and well, y’all. And the men are all about it!
But First, The Grapefruit Technique
Video Credit: Myem/YouTube (Funny part starts at 2:40)
If this woman is not familiar to you on sight, you ain’t a real one. LOL. Although I know that a lot of people think that the concept of grapefruiting came from the movie Girls Trip (you can see the clip from the film here) that absolutely is not the case. Auntie Angel (whose real name is reportedly Denise Walker) is the creator of the Grapefruit Technique and although I thought that this video came out way earlier, apparently it made its way onto the YouTube streets sometime back in 2014.
If for some reason, you’re not familiar with grapefruiting on any level, I will tell you right now that I had to download this video because it is absolutely NSFW — so you should probably watch it on your lunch break (on your phone with the volume as low as possible) or at home…because chile, the sound effects? Whew, the sound effects. LOL. However, when I sat down to pen this piece, I thought it was hilarious that this video is what immediately came to mind because it seems like, when it comes to “blow his mind sex hacks,” fruit is constantly on the menu.
When it comes to oral sex, it’s grapefruit.
When it comes to ride ‘em cowgirl, it’s a coconut.
What Is the “Coconut” Sex Trend?
@windy_moraba #duet with @mysteri0us.gir1 spell coconut with your waist 😂😂😂
Okay, so what in the world does a coconut have to do with intercourse? Well, for starters, if you and your partner are looking for an all-natural lubricant, coconut oil works well. HOWEVER, do keep in mind that the disclaimer on this is you shouldn’t use it if condoms are in the mix because they can actually cause rubbers to be less effective (silicone lube is a solid bet for condoms, by the way).
There is another way that coconuts are kinda-sorta incorporated when it comes to making sex more pleasurable — and it actually became pretty popular right after COVID lockdown (2021): spelling C-O-C-O-N-U-T with your hips while you’re on top of your partner.
It’s wild how I forgot all about this until a client of mine was telling me how much her husband liked her on top while it wasn’t her favorite thing to do because it felt awkward to her. When I said, “Have you ever heard of spelling ‘coconut’ with your hips before?” — at first, she looked at me like I was crazy and then she busted out laughing: “Girl, no” was her reply.
Hmph. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it because, as wild as it might sound on the surface, the word isn’t the point so much as the movements that come with spelling it out are.
When you’re moving your pelvis around to make a “c,” “o” or U-turn, not only does it intensify the level of sensation that both you and your partner feel during intercourse, it can also increase the level of blood circulation to both of your genitalia which can make your orgasms more satisfying too.
At the end of the day, spelling “coconut” is simply reminding you that there are more options to riding than simply sitting there while your partner pumps for all he’s worth or you humping up and down like you’re on a pogo stick.
Spelling “coconut” is an easy hack to bring some variety into cowgirling. However…
Honestly, the “Fruit” Isn’t the Point. THIS IS.
From grapefruiting and spelling “coconut” to reading articles that I’ve penned for the platform like “How To Improve The Taste Of Sperm” — fruit and sex are always going to be a winning combination, one way or another. However, the main point of this article isn’t about making sure that you are a master speller so much as providing you with tips that will make the cowgirl position something that you are confident about and you find a ton of fulfillment in doing.
You can make both of these things happen by incorporating the following things:
Stretch beforehand. A charley horse during sex is the worst thing ever — and chile, don’t let it be right before you’re about to climax. SMDH. Yeah, if you want to feel more comfortable when you’re on top, make sure that you stretch beforehand and that you are well-hydrated. That will reduce the chances of experiencing a totally-out-of-nowhere muscle spasm — whether you decide to “spell” during sex or…not.
Bring pillows into the mix. Sometimes riding is a challenge because your partner feels farther away from your body than you would like. Putting a pillow underneath him can help to elevate his pelvis, so that you don’t feel like you’re stretching and straining. Speaking of pillows, a longer one can really come in handy because it can give your knees some additional support as well.
Also, ask him to put his knees up. Speaking of making the “grind” easier for you, ask your partner to put his knees up. That way, your back can recline on his legs as you’re moving your hips around. You’d be amazed how much this one hack can do for you. Straight up.
Add lube. When you get a chance, check out “The Wetter, The Better: 10 Creative Ways To Use Lubricant” and you will automatically see why bringing lubrication into a cowgirl session is an absolute must. It reduces friction. It makes your movements glide with ease. And it’s just more fun. Promise you that.
Lean in. If your partner happens to be on the larger side of life, one way that you can control his depth is by leaning forward into him. That way, your hips can better control how much or little he is inside of you, so that you can get into a position that gives you the sensation that you are looking for.
Get him to multitask. Again, whether you are spelling “coconut” or not and whether you are riding cowgirl or reverse cowgirl — something that is awesome about being on top is it frees your partner’s hands to do, umm, other things. And since it is so much easier to have an orgasm while your clitoris is being stimulated, get your partner to put some of the lube that we discussed earlier on his fingertips, so that he can gently rub on your clitoris while you are riding him. It doesn’t get much better than that!
Don’t wanna spell? Hula Hoop then. What if you try the whole coconut thing and it’s not a favorite for you (or him)? No problem — when’s the last time that you hula hooped? Pretend that you have one of those around your hips and move around that way. I’d be shocked if you ended up feeling “meh” about that option.
5 Guys Tell Me What They Love When Their Partner Is on Top
A part of the reason why I am “team cowgirl” is because it provides a lot of benefits to the woman: she has more control, it tends to be more comfortable for her, it’s a great position for a quickie and the orgasms tend to be that much more — wonderful. However, as I was thinking about spelling coconut, in general, I couldn’t help but wonder what guys thought about it and the cowgirl position overall.
If you’re curious, here’s what five of ‘em said.
1. Braxford. Engaged. 35. “Y’all be spelling up there? Who knew? My favorite thing about when my fiancée is on top is what I think every man likes: the view. It’s a chance to see her entire body and experience it at the same time. Not even doggy style accomplishes that. Damn, where’s my lady at?”
2. Denez. Single. 42. “Do you know how many ‘spots’ you have access to when y’all are on top? Breasts are in my mouth. Hickeys are on her neck. Prop my head up on a pillow and her tummy is getting licked. When a woman is riding you, it’s sensory overload! It’s crazy how each one looks amazing in that position too.”
3. Omar. In a Serious Relationship. 29. “[He said her name yet I’m not going to share it] isn’t a very vocal lover. Her body and technique are insane, so even though I love dirty talk, I’ve learned to compromise — except when she’s on top. She’s not saying much but those moans? And yeah, we tried the coconut thing. ‘Cs’ and ‘Os,’ hell yeah. ‘Ns’ and “Ts’? Nah.”
4. Nolen. Single. 45. “45 isn’t old but it’s old enough for your back to show out on you when you least expect it. My experience has been that women don’t want a lot of thrusting when they are on top, so it’s like having some of the best sex without having to do much at all. Well, aside from trying not to bust too quickly. I take that back: riding is easy on the body; it’s work on the brain.”
5. Ivan. Married. 37. “I like the spelling sh-t because it switches things up. We make a game out of it by her picking a word and spelling out while I try and guess what it is. We also try to see how many words that we can get to before one of us cums. 12 words is pushing it unless it’s like ‘dog’ or ‘cat’ or something. I’ve guessed ‘coconut’ a few times and I get what the excitement is all about. Spelling bee sex: try it.”
Yep. I concur.
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