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Tiffany Haddish Gets Real About Soul Ties & So Should We

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Tiffany Haddish recently took to Instagram to post an, um, aggressive depiction of what happens when you invite the wrong man, or devil, into your bedroom.


Never one to bite her tongue, the 38-year-old comedian let all her former and potential soul ties know, step all the way off:

Tiffany Haddish/Instagram

She captioned the image by saying:

"This why I am not married anymore. I refuse to allow someone to drain the life out of me. I can do that myself. I will wait for God to send me the one that recharges me. Thank You very much. Until then GO Away Satan in the name of Jesus.!!!!"

The Girls Trip breakout star has previously opened up about her tumultuous upbringing and volatile past marriage. With this new revelation—whether it was in jest or not—it seems like Haddish is ready to save herself for Mr. Right since she herself has experienced the draining of energy associated with toxic relationships. But why does this happen? Why does it seem like men can have as many partners as they want while remaining seemingly unaffected but women are left to carry the emotional brunt of negative soul ties?

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Most of my female friends would concur: once we let you in, we let you IN.

When I got divorced, I thought that I would finally have the chance to "sow my oats" after a 13-year relationship, but instead, I quickly realized that matters of the heart quickly complicate any potential of being a maneater. I would try to keep my feelings at bay, but I couldn't quite escape the regret of knowing that I settled for a physical relationship that didn't come with a fulfilling emotional and spiritual connection as well.

Energy never lies.

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As women, we are given intuition for a reason. Intuition is our energy and bullsh*t meter, and if we decide to go against this superpower, we usually end up regretting it. So many times we might fall in love with his "potential" before we even take the time to decipher whether it's potential we see or if we've just slipped on our rose-colored glasses. When we ignore the signs, the red flags and the low-vibrating auras, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment and a new, negative soul tie.

The concept of soul ties definitely has biblical origins, but if you delve further, in a more metaphysical way, you can decide for yourself whether or not this concept is real. If you believe that we are souls made of energy, or if you've ever gotten "bad vibes" from someone, then the concept of a soul tie shouldn't be so far fetched. And while a lot of this has yet to have any verifiable scientific proof to back it up, there is still some science behind it all. Enter dopamine.

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Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that helps control the brain's reward and pleasure centers. Basically, anytime you experience pleasure or receive a rewarding experience, dopamine is released in the brain.

It is released when we eat our favorite foods, think about an amazing experience, or when we are simply enjoying anything that brings us pleasure. And what could be more pleasurable than sex? While dopamine isn't the only factor at play, anyone that has had sex knows that the act is a binding exchange of energy that affects us long after we've kissed the other person goodbye.

That's why it really is so important to be aware of not only the energy we are attracting, but of the energy we allow to linger around us. I don't necessarily agree with the idea that you only attract what you are. I believe that there are people who are attracted to you because of the energy you exude, and these people can reciprocate in either a restorative or a draining way. Especially when it comes to sex. It would behoove us to really figure out what type of person we're truly dealing with, EMOTIONALLY.

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I've compromised my own intuition too many times by looking at surface level things like his looks, his job, if he made me feel sexy, what type of car he drives, or if he was a good dresser: materialistic and immature, I know. Now I want to know: are your chakras aligned? Have you dealt with past childhood trauma? What are you doing now to cope with your emotions? You know, grown folks' talk.

I look forward to the day where an emotional, spiritual, and physical relationship are all aligned with my highest good. I've learned many lessons during my nearly three years of singledom, but mainly I've learned that it's okay to wait for Mr. Right. It's okay to date casually while keeping the sex at bay. I also think it's okay to have sex when you're ready, but you also have to be ready to deal with what it would feel like if that relationship were to end: will there be anything left for you energetically?

I'll be ready next time, and in the meantime, I'll be working on cutting those negative souls ties for good so that they don't affect my love life moving forward.

Featured image by Kathy Hutchins / Shutterstock.com

ACLU By ACLUSponsored

Over the past four years, we grew accustomed to a regular barrage of blatant, segregationist-style racism from the White House. Donald Trump tweeted that “the Squad," four Democratic Congresswomen who are Black, Latinx, and South Asian, should “go back" to the “corrupt" countries they came from; that same year, he called Elizabeth Warren “Pocahontas," mocking her belief that she might be descended from Native American ancestors.

But as outrageous as the racist comments Trump regularly spewed were, the racially unjust governmental actions his administration took and, in the case of COVID-19, didn't take, impacted millions more — especially Black and Brown people.

To begin to heal and move toward real racial justice, we must address not only the harms of the past four years, but also the harms tracing back to this country's origins. Racism has played an active role in the creation of our systems of education, health care, ownership, and employment, and virtually every other facet of life since this nation's founding.

Our history has shown us that it's not enough to take racist policies off the books if we are going to achieve true justice. Those past policies have structured our society and created deeply-rooted patterns and practices that can only be disrupted and reformed with new policies of similar strength and efficacy. In short, a systemic problem requires a systemic solution. To combat systemic racism, we must pursue systemic equality.

What is Systemic Racism?

A system is a collection of elements that are organized for a common purpose. Racism in America is a system that combines economic, political, and social components. That system specifically disempowers and disenfranchises Black people, while maintaining and expanding implicit and explicit advantages for white people, leading to better opportunities in jobs, education, and housing, and discrimination in the criminal legal system. For example, the country's voting systems empower white voters at the expense of voters of color, resulting in an unequal system of governance in which those communities have little voice and representation, even in policies that directly impact them.

Systemic Equality is a Systemic Solution

In the years ahead, the ACLU will pursue administrative and legislative campaigns targeting the Biden-Harris administration and Congress. We will leverage legal advocacy to dismantle systemic barriers, and will work with our affiliates to change policies nearer to the communities most harmed by these legacies. The goal is to build a nation where every person can achieve their highest potential, unhampered by structural and institutional racism.

To begin, in 2021, we believe the Biden administration and Congress should take the following crucial steps to advance systemic equality:

Voting Rights

The administration must issue an executive order creating a Justice Department lead staff position on voting rights violations in every U.S. Attorney office. We are seeing a flood of unlawful restrictions on voting across the country, and at every level of state and local government. This nationwide problem requires nationwide investigatory and enforcement resources. Even if it requires new training and approval protocols, a new voting rights enforcement program with the participation of all 93 U.S. Attorney offices is the best way to help ensure nationwide enforcement of voting rights laws.

These assistant U.S. attorneys should begin by ensuring that every American in the custody of the Bureau of Prisons who is eligible to vote can vote, and monitor the Census and redistricting process to fight the dilution of voting power in communities of color.

We are also calling on Congress to pass the John Lewis Voting Rights Advancement Act to finally create a fair and equal national voting system, the cause for which John Lewis devoted his life.

Student Debt

Black borrowers pay more than other students for the same degrees, and graduate with an average of $7,400 more in debt than their white peers. In the years following graduation, the debt gap more than triples. Nearly half of Black borrowers will default within 12 years. In other words, for Black Americans, the American dream costs more. Last week, Majority Leader Chuck Schumer and Sen. Elizabeth Warren, along with House Reps. Ayanna Pressley, Maxine Waters, and others, called on President Biden to cancel up to $50,000 in federal student loan debt per borrower.

We couldn't agree more. By forgiving $50,000 of student debt, President Biden can unleash pent up economic potential in Black communities, while relieving them of a burden that forestalls so many hopes and dreams. Black women in particular will benefit from this executive action, as they are proportionately the most indebted group of all Americans.

Postal Banking

In both low and high income majority-Black communities, traditional bank branches are 50 percent more likely to close than in white communities. The result is that nearly 50 percent of Black Americans are unbanked or underbanked, and many pay more than $2,000 in fees associated with subprime financial institutions. Over their lifetime, those fees can add up to as much as two years of annual income for the average Black family.

The U.S. Postal Service can and should meet this crisis by providing competitive, low-cost financial services to help advance economic equality. We call on President Biden to appoint new members to the Postal Board of Governors so that the Post Office can do the work of providing essential services to every American.

Fair Housing

Across the country, millions of people are living in communities of concentrated poverty, including 26 percent of all Black children. The Biden administration should again implement the 2015 Affirmatively Furthering Fair Housing rule, which required localities that receive federal funds for housing to investigate and address barriers to fair housing and patterns or practices that promote bias. In 1980, the average Black person lived in a neighborhood that was 62 percent Black and 31 percent white. By 2010, the average Black person's neighborhood was 48 percent Black and 34 percent white. Reinstating the Obama-era Fair Housing Rule will combat this ongoing segregation and set us on a path to true integration.

Congress should also pass the American Housing and Economic Mobility Act, or a similar measure, to finally redress the legacy of redlining and break down the walls of segregation once and for all.

Broadband Access

To realize broadband's potential to benefit our democracy and connect us to one another, all people in the United States must have equal access and broadband must be made affordable for the most vulnerable. Yet today, 15 percent of American households with school-age children do not have subscriptions to any form of broadband, including one-quarter of Black households (an additional 23 percent of African Americans are “smartphone-only" internet users, meaning they lack traditional home broadband service but do own a smartphone, which is insufficient to attend class, do homework, or apply for a job). The Biden administration, Federal Communications Commission, and Congress must develop and implement plans to increase funding for broadband to expand universal access.

Enhanced, Refundable Child Tax Credits

The United States faces a crisis of child poverty. Seventeen percent of all American children are impoverished — a rate higher than not just peer nations like Canada and the U.K., but Mexico and Russia as well. Currently, more than 50 percent of Black and Latinx children in the U.S. do not qualify for the full benefit, compared to 23 percent of white children, and nearly one in five Black children do not receive any credit at all.

To combat this crisis, President Biden and Congress should enhance the child tax credit and make it fully refundable. If we enhance the child tax credit, we can cut child poverty by 40 percent and instantly lift over 50 percent of Black children out of poverty.

Reparations

We cannot repair harms that we have not fully diagnosed. We must commit to a thorough examination of the impact of the legacy of chattel slavery on racial inequality today. In 2021, Congress must pass H.R. 40, which would establish a commission to study reparations and make recommendations for Black Americans.

The Long View

For the past century, the ACLU has fought for racial justice in legislatures and in courts, including through several landmark Supreme Court cases. While the court has not always ruled in favor of racial justice, incremental wins throughout history have helped to chip away at different forms of racism such as school segregation ( Brown v. Board), racial bias in the criminal legal system (Powell v. Alabama, i.e. the Scottsboro Boys), and marriage inequality (Loving v. Virginia). While these landmark victories initiated necessary reforms, they were only a starting point.

Systemic racism continues to pervade the lives of Black people through voter suppression, lack of financial services, housing discrimination, and other areas. More than anything, doing this work has taught the ACLU that we must fight on every front in order to overcome our country's legacies of racism. That is what our Systemic Equality agenda is all about.

In the weeks ahead, we will both expand on our views of why these campaigns are crucial to systemic equality and signal the path this country must take. We will also dive into our work to build organizing, advocacy, and legal power in the South — a region with a unique history of racial oppression and violence alongside a rich history of antiracist organizing and advocacy. We are committed to four principles throughout this campaign: reconciliation, access, prosperity, and empowerment. We hope that our actions can meet our ambition to, as Dr. King said, lead this nation to live out the true meaning of its creed.

What you can do:
Take the pledge: Systemic Equality Agenda
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Featured image by Shutterstock

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