So, Experts Have Something To Say About Your Intuition's Accuracy
Recently, I found myself intrigued by the article "Women's Intuition: Myth or Reality?" Because I've witnessed women do some amazing and also straight-up crazy things, both under the guise of their intuition, I wanted to see what a professional had to say about it.
I must admit that when I first saw that it was a man who wrote the piece, I was tempted to give a bit of side-eye. But I must say, a lot of what he shared was actually quite insightful. The CliffsNotes were, because we as women are better at picking up on non-verbal communication cues (facial expressions, body language, etc.), and also because we're more open than men are on an overall emotional level, that makes us more tapped into what folks are thinking and feeling than (most) guys are. At the same time, the author also said that while this makes us more skilled at non-verbal communication, he wasn't completely sold on if "intuitive" was the word that should be used. Therefore, I decided to dig deeper.
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Next, I checked out what a neuroscientist had to share on the topic of whether or not we could trust our gut instincts or intuition. Keep in mind that it's a neuroscientist talking so it's not exactly black-and-white reading, but what did catch my attention was this—"Because intuition relies on evolutionarily order, automatic and fast processing, it also falls prey to misguidances, such as cognitive biases."
Meaning, like an article that I penned for the site on gut instincts a while back, relying solely on your intuition can cause you to be a pretty presumptuous individual. Impulsive too, if you're not careful.
Another article said that one reason why we shouldn't get too cocky about our intuition is because it oftentimes can be mistaken for overthinking. Here's an illustrative scenario. Your man sends three of your calls to voicemail one night, you see him two days later, confront him about it and he breaks eye contact as he stumbles through his words. You've been cheated on before, so your intuition is telling you that could be what's going on now. Once it gets to this point, oftentimes one set of people will immediately react while the other will "feed the monster", so to speak, and stew on it. They will set up a stalker IG account to see what their guy's been up to. They will Google track his whereabouts. They will talk to 10 different people and only retain the convos from the ones who agree with their hypothesis. They will mull over it all for days on end. So much to the point that, by the time they see their man again, they are in full accusation mode and totally ready to call it quits—all the while saying that they are following their intuition. Brother.
Why are a lot of people like this? Some are just uber-dramatic and/or have a lot of baggage that they are carrying around (cue Erykah's "Bag Lady" here). But for those who aren't, there is a bit of a scientific reason; especially when it comes to women. The reason why a lot of us overthink is because there's a greater amount of blood (which means nutrients and energy) that flows to the prefrontal cortex part of our brain; it's the part that is responsible for feelings like empathy, concern and yes, intuition. OK, so that sounds like we are designed to be intuitive, right? Kinda.
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According to even more scientific research in this area, it is true that we are able to make faster decisions when we rely on our intuition and oftentimes, those decisions are accurate. That's the good part. However, researchers also warn that sometimes intuition is nothing more than wishful thinking or projecting your feelings onto something—or someone. It's the someone part that made me want to pen this piece to begin with.
I don't know about you, but a lot of people I know who profess to do just about everything based on their intuition are also individuals who think they know others, even better than those individuals know themselves; that because they are so "intuitive", they are basically mind-readers. They know what their significant other really means, even if it is totally different from what they actually say. They know what their friend is truly up to, even if their friend has stated the complete opposite. They know all of what the future holds simply because they "feel it in their bones"—all because of their uncanny intuition.
If that is you, not so fast. Something that a therapist who has conducted studies and focus groups on mind-reading has stated is no matter how much we may pride ourselves on picking up non-verbal signs, unless we straight up ask for the information that we seek, oftentimes what we perceive is totally different from the actual facts; that most of us aren't as "in touch" with reading others as much as we think that we are.
That makes sense too when you think about the actual dictionary definitions of for "intuition". Did you notice how the first one (provided here) said that it's about having a perception of truth that doesn't include reasoning? Reasoning is "the process of forming conclusions, judgments, or inferences from facts or premises". Why should anyone feel overly confident about always operating from that space? They shouldn't. No one should. Folks do it all of the time, though. Unfortunately.
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An example that the therapist gave was showing up five minutes late to meet someone and the person not having a welcoming look on their face. While you may think it's because they are upset with you, it could be that they just got off of an unsettling phone call, their server was rude or they're simply not feeling well. Since your intuition is telling you that it's you, you may already be hyper-sensitive or on the defensive. That can make the energy of the meeting go all kinds of wrong. Only by asking can you know for sure what's up. Yet sadly, because a lot of people who lean so hard on their intuition don't ask, they tend to make quite a few mistakes when it comes to how they communicate with others (whether they choose to admit it or not); especially if they are operating from an anxious place or they think in a way that is biased.
So, what does all of this boil down to? Does intuition exist? Yes. Do women have more of it than men? When it comes to reading non-verbal communication, yes.
When it comes to assuming, presuming and reading people's minds, most of us are cockier than we need to be—and functioning in that space can do more harm than good. And no, a woman's intuition isn't always right. When we are anxious or biased, it can be wrong. Very wrong.
I already know. Some of y'all are going to be like, "Girl, bye. My intuition is totally on point." Maybe it is. Maybe it ain't. But when it comes to dealing with other people, how about asking them about what your intuition is telling you? That's one (humble) way to know for sure. Hmph.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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We all love that Beyoncé's recent foray into country music has turned the world's attention back to the impact of Black legends and icons who were foremothers of the genre. All of the buzz around the superstar's take on country music (along with the fab TikToks of Black women getting their country glam on to prep for a possible country music tour), brings to the forefront stories of the amazing impact of women like Sister Rosetta Thorpe, Elizabeth Cotton, and Linda Martell. These women laid the groundwork for folk, country, and rock music way before any of us reached our mother's wombs.
I've loved country music since childhood and would rock, sway, and sing along to songs by The Neville Brothers, Patsy Cline, and Elvis. (Yep, I loved me some Elvis, honey. It was an admiration I inherited from my mom.). Back in the day, my friends and I would all enjoy the country music songs played at a popular hangout spot, the local skating rink. The DJ would go from 69 Boys, Brandy, and Usher to Billy Ray Cyrus ("Achy Breaky Heart), Dolly Parton ("9-to-5" and "I Will Always Love You,") and Shania Twain ("Man! I Feel Like A Woman.") Country music has always been part of my life's soundtrack.
Since it's Women's History Month, what a perfect time to highlight some of the other Black women who have been standing it the gap for years, doing this country music thing, and doing it well. Here are a few to add to your playlists this month and beyond.
The Boykin Sisters AKA The BoykinZ
Sisters Nylan, Nytere, Anale, and Alona took the country music world by storm on TikTok, drawing more than 480,000 followers and 10 million likes for their soulful country music swag. They've performed with Shania Twain on the Country Music Awards, appeared on The Kelly Clarkson Show, and have recorded with legendary country music producer Nathan Chapman. Each brings their own unique flavor to the group, from style to music abilities.
Rissi Palmer
She released her self-titled debut album with hit singles, “Country Girl,” “Hold On To Me,” and “No Air,” and has since performed at The White House, New York's Lincoln Center, and the Grand Ole Opry. She’s also shared stages with country and pop music heavy-hitters including The Eagles, Charley Crockett, and Taylor Swift. Taking things to the advocacy level, she launched her own radio show Color Me Country with Rissi Palmer on Apple Music Country and created the Color Me Country Artist Grant Fund to support newbie country artists of color to reach their entertainment industry dreams.
C Brandon / Contributor/Getty Images
Yola
A U.K.-bred country music artist, this singer and actress was nominated for multiple Grammys for her 2019 debut album, Walk Through Fire, including Best Americana Album. Her 2021 album, Stand For Myself, mixes country and soul with intriguing and relatable visuals. She also magnificently starred as Rosetta Thorpe in the 2023 Elvis biopic, a film whose soundtrack was an American Music Award winner.
Mickey Guyton
A modern-day pioneer in her own right, Mickey Guyton was the first Black woman to be nominated in the Best Country Solo Performance category at the Grammy Awards in 2021, and, that same year, she became the first Black woman to co-host the Academy of Country Music Awards. Her song, “Black Like Me,” released in the wake of the George Floyd protests and the Black Lives Matter movement, added more to her legacy of being a leader and advocate in country music.
Brittney Spencer
This newbie artist in the game has given us strong previews of her talent, releasing two EPs and receiving Country Music Awards and Country Music Television award nominations. Elektra signed her to a deal in 2022, and this year, she released her debut album, My Stupid Life, which has been described by one Rolling Stone reviewer as “one of the most convincing country statements in a while.”
Reyna Roberts
The self-proclaimed "Princess of Outlaw Country," is serving soul, sass, and style with her music, with a debut album titled, Bad Girl Bible, Volume 1, sparking intrigue and fan support. Her more than 300,000 followers on IG rally behind her, as she campaigns for big-ticket performances that we are sure, will be in her future.
Chapel Heart
Sisters Danica and Devynn Hart have joined musical forces with cousin Trea Swindle as a country music trio, and found early viral success performing on “America’s Got Talent.” In 2021 the group was inducted into Country Music Television’s “Next Women of Country,” and they’ve been honored as “International Group of the Year” as well as “International Song of the Year” for the single “You Can Have Him Jolene” in Scotland. They have been nominated for several British CMAs including “Group of the Year” and “Album of the Year” for their second album release The Girls Are Back In Town.
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Featured image by Emma McIntyre / Staff/Getty Images