Quantcast

The Survival Guide To Break Up Season

Love & Relationships

Breakup season is upon us ladies.


The weather is getting nicer, sundresses are making their return, and men are losing their minds! Cuffing season has come and went and while your wintertime boo may have kept you warm on more than a few nights, you both knew once the weather broke, his services would no longer be needed and here you are, single and ready to mingle (or not).

Whether you chose to end things or he did, a breakup does not have to be the end of the world for you. In fact, breakups can often lead us to discovering what matters most: ourselves.

Remain Positive

A woman can date a man for three months and have a complete breakdown once that relationship has ended. The same woman can date a man for five years and not shed a single tear once the relationship dissolves. Breakups, as with anything else in life, are all about perspective. All relationships are not going to end in marriage and that is usually for the best.

Imagine if you married that guy you were head over heels for in high school or college. You've seen his Facebook and he probably looks nothing like he did back then. Believe me, I've had a few high school crushes and their Facebook and IG pages reveal time has not done them well at all. I digress, remaining positive in any situation will always help you see the bigger picture. So the relationship with one guy didn't work out, you do realize that there are literally billions more in the world, right?

Take time to think about why things didn't work out.

Maybe his purpose in your life was not to someday become the man you marry but to help teach you something that you can use in your life. I believe every negative situation has a positive to it. Be thankful for the positives you've gained from this experience, even if the only positive thing you can think of is that you got out of it. Be thankful that you had the sense to end a dead end relationship.

Reclaim Your Focus

When I was younger, I was extremely attached to my then-boyfriend, now-husband. I spent way too much time with him. Either he was at my house or I was at his. Every holiday, every weekend, almost every night was spent with him and this went on for years. It wasn't until we had tension that I found myself spending more time with my friends and family. I didn't even realize at the time that I had been neglecting them, and even myself, to the point that I had.

When we're in love, it's easy to want to spend every waking moment with your guy, but it is also extremely detrimental to your personal growth. At one point, his own mother had to sit down and have a talk with me about my future one day when I was cleaning his room while he was at school. I was a mess guys. Maybe you weren't as crazy in love as I was, but perhaps you also found yourself slipping away while dating and simply did not spend as much time focusing on your own goals, wants, and needs while you were in the relationship.

Being single is the perfect time to focus on you.

Now that you are single, you can use all of that time and energy you would on a man on yourself. Imagine how amazing you will feel simply by giving to yourself what you were giving to him. Focus on losing that relationship weight you put on and becoming more healthy, start spending time getting to know you. What do you like to do outside of a relationship? Start that business you have been putting off for years. Spend time with your family that you always say you are going to call but don't. Go have drinks with your girls that never got to see you when you were with him. Simply reclaim your time and focus on building and being a better you.

Recreate Yourself

Just because you've always been the shy girl, the loud one, the serial dater, the hopeless romantic, the mean girl, the too nice girl, the insecure girl, or the easy girl, doesn't mean you have to continue being that girl. Whatever title was stamped on you, whatever you felt you were, and whatever image you felt the need to maintain, as easily as you got is as easy as you can erase and recreate yourself into the woman you want to be. Another beautiful thing about breakups is not only discovering who you are but getting the chance to redefine who you are for yourself.

Maybe you were always so-and-so's girlfriend. You always hung with his circle of friends and family and to many of them, that is all that you were. Maybe you've simply had a negative title placed on you as a person and you are not, never were, or no longer want to be that girl. Change it. Growing up, I never knew where I fit in. I never met anyone quite like me and though I have some amazing friends in many of my circles, I felt like an outsider.

Often times in dating, we conform without even realizing it and take on the image of what our partner thinks is most beautiful even if that goes against what we feel. By redefining, recreating, or rediscovering ourselves, we allow ourselves to be the woman we have always known we were deep down inside. And what is more beautiful than being yourself?

While I'm not denying the facts that breakups can be hard, heartbreaking, and, at times, nothing short of gut-wrenching, they do not equal the end of the world and most certainly not the end of you. All things in life come to an end and depending on your mindset, that end can be as beautiful as you want it to be.

I hope in this season you discover all of the beautiful things about you without the need of a man or anyone else telling you.

Featured image by Giphy

This article is in partnership with Xfinity.

Those who have experienced an HBCU homecoming understand the assignment. Students, alumni, and family of a Historically Black College and University gather to partake in the excitement of celebrating the heritage and culture of the school. It's a time of joy, honoring traditions, and for some, reflecting on the good ol' days. Homecoming weekends are spent eating well, laughing plenty, and enjoying the sights; and there is plenty to see! (Spoiler alert: Sleep is not on the syllabus.)

Keep reading... Show less
The daily empowerment fix you need.
Make things inbox official.

Summer is coming to an end, and it's officially time to start the fall activities. And with the start of a new season comes new movies and shows. One, in particular, is the final season of Netflix's Dear White People, airing September 22. A great thing about this show is that it sparks healthy conversation. Past seasons have explored topics like double consciousness, sexuality, and the Me Too Movement, but it's done it in a way that still allows the show to feel relatable and fun.

Keep reading... Show less

Period pain. Lawd. Could there be something that is more annoying, especially since it happens every 28-30 days? Like, c'mon. If you've ever wondered about the science behind it all, basically, we need our uterus to contract, so that it can shed the lining that accumulated, just in case we conceived in between cycles. And so, what basically happens is, the prostaglandins levels in our system increase which trigger inflammation and also period pain, so that the blood is able to flow from our bodies.

Keep reading... Show less

One of my favorite things about the changing seasons are the new vibes and new energies that change welcomes with it. September represents a transition from the white sand beaches, bottomless brunches, and undeniable romantic vibes long nights, festivals, and impromptu road trips often thought of when we think about the summer. In its place comes romanticism in a different approach. Pumpkin spice anything, the excuse to cuddle up, and the leaves of the trees turning warm shades sparks joy in a different way as fall begins. Perhaps what I am most excited about though are the 2021 wellness trends that come with it.

Keep reading... Show less

A few days ago, I was having a conversation with some folks about songs that should've been official singles yet never were. One of the ones that I shared was Mariah Carey's "All Alone in Love" (a song that she wrote when she was only 15, by the way). To me, it's a perfect way to intro this piece because I have had enough personal experiences and counseled enough people to know that it is very possible to be in a relationship with someone — and still feel quite alone in it. Not because your partner doesn't love you. Not because they're up to some totally f'ed up shenanigans. It's just…even though you signed up for a true and lasting partnership, somehow you now feel some of the very words that define what being alone can feel like: unattended, detached, unassisted, semi-compassionless and perhaps even abandoned on some levels.

Keep reading... Show less
Exclusive Interviews

Exclusive: Lucky Daye Is Doing It For The Culture, From The Soul

Every so often, an artist comes along who seems to be a physical manifestation of all that we are.

Latest Posts