Since our energy is aligned with our bodies, emotions, and behaviors, we can easily assess what chakra we need to work with by observing emotional states, behavioral patterns, health issues, and physical symptoms. In our article, "How Opening Your 7 Chakras Can Transform Your Mind, Body & Spirit", we explained what the chakras were all about and how aligning and opening your chakras is the key to finding inner peace, ultimate happiness, and eventual enlightenment.
When we suffer illnesses that affect our physical bodies, we likely experience symptoms that go along with that sickness. This cause and effect experience works no different when it comes to our 7 chakras. The guide below will help you discover which of your chakras may be blocked or imbalanced.
THE IMBALANCED ROOT CHAKRARoot Chakra GIFGiphy
Emotional Symptoms of the Blocked Root Chakra
If fear in anyway is holding you back to the point where you are stagnant or unable to progress in any area of life, than you may have a blockage in your root chakra. If fear surrounding money, lack, debt, or financial security overwhelms your spirit, it is definitely time to ground your root chakra.
If you are feeling uptight, insecure, or out of place in your surroundings, this is also a symptom. If you are uncertain about the things you want for your life, the actions you must take, and are anxious about making concrete moves to elevate your experience, then working with your root chakra will lift you out of this blockage.
Behavioral Symptoms of the Blocked Root Chakra
If you are feeling antsy, unable to sit still, or focus on a task at hand, your root chakra is not engaged. If you go from one goal or desire to the next, without fully accomplishing said goal or achievement, your root chakra may not be balanced.
Having issues with non commitment in relationships and platonic friendships are an indication that you might have issues sticking to your word or feeling unsettled.
Feeling lazy, unmotivated, and refusing to follow up, is definitely a symptom of a blockage in your root chakra.
Physical or Health Symptoms of the Blocked Root Chakra
Certain eating disorders are a direct manifestation of a wounded root chakra. If you are unable to keep food down, or lacking a consistent appetite altogether, this could be helped by working with the root chakra. Constipation, flatulence, large intestine, enzyme deficiencies, issues with your reproductive sex organs, and digestive upsets are most definitely a manifestation of a blockage in your root chakra.
If you are experiencing discomfort or recurring pain associated with your feet, knees, legs, bones, joints, lower back, and any issues from the base of your spine and down, working with your chakra can aid in healing your symptoms.
THE IMBALANCED SACRAL CHAKRAHolistic Healing Affirmation GIFGiphy
Emotional Symptoms of the Blocked Sacral Chakra
If you are feeling that you are not important, or that nobody loves you, or truly cares about you, this indicates an imbalance in your sacral chakra. If you have a hard time intellectualizing how you are feeling, or are consistently an emotional roller coaster, there is definitely a blockage in your sacral chakra. Negative self-talk, guilt, and repressed emotions is another red flag.
If you struggle with being creative, free, and happy, opening and balancing your sacral chakra will remedy many of these issues. Lastly, if emotional issues surrounding sex, sexuality, and intimacy stunt your ability to express yourself fully in these ways, you have a sacral chakra issue on your hands.
Behavioral Symptoms of the Blocked Sacral Chakra
If you have a propensity towards toxic or dysfunctional relationships with other people, either platonic, or romantic, this is a big red flag! If you find yourself doing a lot of emotional labor without reciprocation, there is most definitely a wound in your sacral chakra.
If you continue to revisit the same negative or unpleasant situations, relationships, and experiences, you will need to get your sacral chakra in order.
Sexually, if you consistently have a negative relationship with intimacy, and/or unfulfilling, painful, or dull intercourse, your sacral chakra is begging you to adjust.
Physical or Health Symptoms of the Blocked Sacral Chakra
Low sex drive/libido, erectile dysfunction, the inability to get naturally lubricated within your vagina, gynecological cysts, or fibroids, irregular menstrual cycles, infertility, impotence, constipation, urinary issues, any problems with your kidneys are all physical symptoms of a blocked or wounded sacral chakra.
Some of the mental health symptoms that come along with a blocked sacral chakra are: depression, low self-esteem, fear, insecurities, mixing reality with fantasy, unhealthy isolation, and addictions to things such as, sex, drugs, alcohol, food, and anything that involves an unhealthy overindulgence of pleasure.
THE IMBALANCED SOLAR PLEXUS CHAKRA
Emotional Symptoms of the Blocked Solar Plexus Chakra
Where you have been immature in any area of life, is a reflection of a blocked solar plexus chakra. Emotionally, if you are too stubborn, or have an "it's all about me attitude," you might be suffering from an imbalanced solar plexus chakra.
If you feel that you are not good enough, capable, or worthy of having all that you wish to obtain in your life, or if you lack faith in yourself, this is definitely a red flag. If you have a problem figuring out who you are at the core of your being, or if you have allowed someone or something to stop you from being your truest self, working with your solar plexus chakra will help you immensely.
Behavioral Symptoms of the Blocked Solar Plexus Chakra
If you are more of a bystander in your life, instead of an active participant, or nothing inspires you to do/create/contribute, then you have a solar plexus problem on your hands. If you purposely under-accentuate your physical beauty, appearance, skills, and traits, or forego self-care and keeping up with your surroundings, your solar plexus is definitely imbalanced.
Having a nonchalant attitude about how you present yourself to the world, or coexisting in clutter or an unclean home is also a red flag. Not caring at all about your well-being, hygiene, physical health, and exercise is a manifestation of an out of whack solar plexus.
Physical or Health Symptoms of the Blocked Solar Plexus Chakra
The solar plexus is connected to many bodily functions, and organs, including the large intestine, stomach, pancreas, liver, lungs, adrenal glands and the digestive system. If you suffer from irritable bowel symptoms, consistent fluctuation of being overweight or underweight, stomach aches, gas, and ulcers, pancreatic issues, gallbladders and stones, diabetes, and acid reflux, working with your solar plexus chakra can help you remedy many of these issues.
Overeating, and a lack of self-control when it comes to food, is another health issue controlled by the solar plexus. The overwhelming desire to munch on junk food all day, stems from this chakra when it is blocked or turned off.
THE IMBALANCED HEART CHAKRAAffirmations Chakras GIFGiphy
Emotional Symptoms of the Blocked Heart Chakra
Because this is the heart chakra, these symptoms are jam-packed! When you are emotionally unintelligent, or unable to commit to someone in a relationship, if you hold grudges from past grievances, if you are a people-pleaser, if you feel obligated to emotional labor for the sole benefit of the other person, if you have a hard time with resentments, letting go, and codependency or attachments, these are all emotional symptoms of a blocked heart chakra.
If you have trouble revealing your feelings, being open and honest, or if you find being compassionate and empathetic towards other people to be a problem, then these are huge red flags!
Lastly, if you are uncomfortable with practicing self-love and self-care, or you are unable to unpack past pain and dig deep into your heart to find answers to your problems, then you should most definitely be working with opening and clearing your heart chakra.
Behavioral Symptoms of the Blocked Heart Chakra
If you find yourself being mean-spirited, hateful, petty, cold, and without empathy for other people, or if your ego controls your actions and self-identity in a negative way, you definitely have a heart chakra problem on your hands.
If you are distrustful of everyone around you, and have a hard time achieving closeness with those who are trying to get to know you, or if you find yourself constantly nagging, nitpicking, or projecting any of your own fears and problems on others, you must open your heart chakra.
If you have not learned how to balance your masculine and feminine energies, or cannot accept yourself as you are, please work with your heart center.
Physical or Health Symptoms of the Blocked Heart Chakra
Having a heart attack or any heart condition is a direct manifestation of a wounded heart chakra. Heart palpitations and irregular pulse and heart rhythms are a red flag. Other diseases and physical manifestations of heart chakra imbalance include: cardiovascular disease, coronary artery disease, arrhythmias and congenital heart disease, lung and respiratory issues including asthma, pulmonary disease, emphysema, chronic bronchitis and pneumonia can also manifest.
Anxiety that leads to panic attacks and hyperventilation also is an aspect of a blocked heart chakra. Even bad seasonal allergies are affected by a heart chakra that is out of whack.
THE IMBALANCED THROAT CHAKRAThroat Chakra Affirmations GIFGiphy
Emotional Symptoms of the Blocked Throat Chakra
If you are afraid to speak up for yourself, or express your truth, creativity, and opinions you most definitely have issues with the throat chakra. If you feel that what you have to say is not valid, or will not be received well or even taken seriously by others, so much so that you just don't say anything, you need to balance your throat chakra.
If you feel unable to articulate yourself, or if you let people over talk you and drown out your expression, these are definitely red flags. If you are intimidated by people who are outgoing, or envious of someone who has the gift of gab, you might be internally avoiding or repressing this trait within your own self. You have a voice, don't be afraid to use it.
Behavioral Symptoms of the Blocked Throat Chakra
If you become very nervous when you have to communicate something to others, if you have a hard time finding the right words to express yourself, or if you are terrified of public speaking, your throat chakra might be out of whack.
If you have a problem with telling lies or fibs, no matter if they are big or small, that is a direct manifestation of a wounded throat chakra. If you find it difficult to be sincere and honest, or if you fall prey to being deceitful or manipulative by way of communication, these things ultimately comes from fear.
Physical or Health Symptoms of the Blocked Throat Chakra
An imbalanced throat chakra can manifest into many physical illnesses including: laryngitis, dizziness, sore throats, strep throat, losing your voice altogether, nodules on your larynx and vocal cords, asthma, and fatigue.
The feeling of throat congestion, phlegm, a scratchy or itchy throat, a lump in your throat, and constantly having to clear your throat, is a physical indication that your throat chakra needs some work.
THE IMBALANCED THIRD EYE CHAKRA
Emotional Symptoms of the Blocked Third Eye Chakra
If you are feeling disconnected from your intuition, or your gut feelings, this is an indication of an imbalanced third eye chakra. If you feel unexcited or disengaged with your life and the world around you, or if you feel like your inner child and imagination has disappeared, this is a direct manifestation of a blockage in your third eye.
Emotionally, you might have scattered feelings, mixed emotions, a lack of clarity, and a skewed sense of self or understanding of others. You might feel like the glass is half empty, instead of half full.
You may either feel too in-tune with your current reality, which therefore depresses you, or so disengaged from the world that you get lost in your own fantasies and visions in order to escape.
Behavioral Symptoms of the Blocked Third Eye Chakra
Someone with a third eye that is blocked will always be stuck in a small mindset, unable to look at the bigger picture, and transcend their own restrictions. This person might also be stuck in a very regimented way of life, going day by day without any spontaneity, and rarely thinking outside of the box. This rigidity does not stop with how you go about living your life, but also might disallow you to accept, or consider any other alternative spiritual belief systems outside of what you might have been brought up believing.
Someone with a disengaged third eye chakra will likely be pessimistic or skeptical when it comes to believing in psychic abilities, energy, metaphysics, or anything out of their awareness or realm of reality. This type of person will ultimately call anyone who doesn't believe what they believe, a conspiracy theorist, pagan, or something comparable.
A blocked third eye chakra can negatively affect your motivation, self-vision, and zeal for life, which will stunt and lower the vibration of all your other chakras.
Physical or Health Symptoms of the Blocked Third Eye Chakra
Some of the physical ailments that can manifest due to a closed third eye chakra are: migraines, vertigo, tension headaches, ear aches, sinus issues, sciatica, seizures, poor vision, eye twitches, weak immune systems, insomnia, and high blood pressure.
Mental health related indications include: depression, delusion, schizophrenia, obsessive compulsive disorder, anxiety, paranoia, nightmares, night terrors, sleep paralysis, and any dissociative mental disorders.
THE IMBALANCED CROWN CHAKRACrown Chakra Affirmation GIFGiphy
Emotional Symptoms of the Blocked Crown Chakra
If you are suffering from a blocked crown chakra, emotionally, you may be feeling alone in the world and disconnected from something larger or higher than yourself. You may feel that the only thing that validates your existence are your external circumstances and achievements.
You might have mixed emotions or feelings surrounding your purpose here as a soul, and possibly frustrated with the idea of the meaning of life.
When it comes to your belief in God or Source, you will likely be conflicted between believing that there is actually a God, or feeling that humanity as a whole is on their own. It is possible that you might not even believe in chakras to begin with.
Behavioral Symptoms of the Blocked Crown Chakra
Someone with a blocked crown chakra might consistently be in a state of flux mentally and spiritually. They may have scattered thoughts that don't make sense and an inability to compartmentalize confusion, feeling disoriented, and anxiety. This person might always be looking for reasons to disprove something or someone, and might have a hard time going with the flow of their lives.
If your crown chakra is not balanced, it might be hard for you to accept that everything is energy, and everything is connected by universal oneness. Spiritual awakening will be hard to experience, if your crown chakra is unable to receive infinite wisdom, messages, or ethereal "downloads."
Physical or Health Symptoms of the Blocked Crown Chakra
Some physical illnesses that can manifest due to a blocked crown chakra are: recurring headaches or migraines, nerve pain, thyroid and pineal gland disorders, neurological disorders such as Alzheimer's and dementia, schizophrenia and other similar mental disorders, and depression.
Some other physical symptoms include feeling uneasy, anxious, or intimidated by the strong spiritual energy of someone who considers themselves mystics, witches, shamans, lightworkers, empaths, psychics, multi-dimensional, or pagan.
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Fontaine Felisha Foxworth is a writer and creative entrepreneur from Brooklyn New York. She is currently on the West Coast working on creating a TV Pilot called "Finding Fontaine", that details the nomadic journey of her life so far. Keep up with her shenanigans @famoustaine on IG.
Amber Riley Is In Her Element
Amber Riley has the type of laugh that sticks with you long after the raspy, rhythmic sounds have ceased. It punctuates her sentences sometimes, whether she’s giving a chuckle to denote the serious nature of something she just said or throwing her head back in rip-roarious laughter after a joke. She laughs as if she understands the fragility of each minute. She chooses laughter often with the understanding that future joy is not guaranteed.
Credit: Ally Green
The sound of her laughter is rivaled only by her singing voice, an emblem of the past and the future resilience of Black women stretched over a few octaves. On Fox’s Glee, her character Mercedes Jones was portrayed, perhaps unfairly, as the vocal duel to Rachel Berry (Lea Michele), offering rough, full-throated belts behind her co-star’s smooth, pristine vocals. Riley’s always been more than the singer who could deliver a finishing note, though.
Portraying Effie White, she displayed the dynamic emotions of a song such as “And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going” in Dreamgirls on London’s West End without buckling under the historic weight of her predecessors. With her instrument, John Mayer’s “Gravity” became a religious experience, a belted hymnal full of growls and churchy riffs. In her voice, Nicole Scherzinger once said she heard “the power of God.”
Credit: Ally Green
Riley’s voice has been a staple throughout pop culture for nearly 15 years now. Her tone has become so distinguishable that most viewers of Fox’s The Masked Singer recognized the multihyphenate even before it was revealed that she was Harp, the competition-winning, gold-masked figure with an actual harp strapped to her back.
Still, it wasn’t until recently that Riley began to feel like she’d found her voice. This sounds unbelievable. But she’s not referring to the one she uses on stage. She’s referencing the voice that speaks to who she is at her core. “Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind,” the 37-year-old says. “It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women. I got so comfortable in [doing so], and I really want other people, especially Black women, to get more comfortable in that space.”
“Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind. It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women."
If you ask Riley’s manager, Myisha Brooks, she’ll tell you the foundation of who the multihyphenate is hasn’t changed much since she was a kid growing up in Compton. “She is who she is from when I met her back when she was singing in the front of the church to back when she landed major roles in film and TV,” Brooks says. Time has allowed Riley to grow more comfortable, giving fans a more intimate glimpse into her life, including her mental health journey and the ins and outs of show business.
The actress/singer has been in therapy since 2019, although she suffered from depression and anxiety way before that. In a recent interview with Jason Lee, she recalls having suicidal ideation as a kid. By the time she started seeing a psychologist and taking antidepressants in her thirties, her body had become jittery, a physical reminder of the trauma stacked high inside her. “I was shaking in [my therapist’s] office,” she tells xoNecole. “My fight or flight was on such a high level. I was constantly in survival mode. My heart was beating fast all the time. All I did was sweat.”
There wasn’t just childhood trauma to account for. After auditioning for American Idol and being turned away by producers, Riley began working for Ikea and nearly missed her Glee audition because her car broke down on the highway while en route. Thankfully, Riley had been cast to play Mercedes Jones. American Idol had temporarily convinced her she wasn’t cut out for the entertainment industry, but this was validation that she was right where she belonged. Glee launched in 2009 with the promise of becoming Riley’s big break.
In some ways, it was. The show introduced Riley to millions of fans and catapulted her into major Hollywood circles. But in other ways, it became a reminder of the types of roles Black women, especially those who are plus-sized, are relegated to. Behind the scenes, Riley says she fought for her character "to have a voice" but eventually realized her efforts were useless. "It finally got to a point where I was like, this is not my moment. I'm not who they're choosing, and this is just going to have to be a job for me for now," she says. "And, that's okay because it pays my bills, I still get to be on television, I'm doing more than any other Black plus-sized women that I'm seeing right now on screen."
The actress can recognize now that she was navigating issues associated with trauma and low self-esteem at the time. She now knows that she's long had anxiety and depression and can recognize the ways in which she was triggered by how the cult-like following of the show conflicted with her individual, isolated experiences behind the scenes. But she was in her early '20s back then. She didn't yet have the language or the tools to process how she was feeling.
Riley says she eventually sought out medical intervention. "When you're in Hollywood, and you go to a doctor, they give you pills," she says, sharing a part of her story that she'd never revealed publicly before now. "[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that's not fixing my problem. If anything, it's making it worse."
“[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that’s not fixing my problem. If anything it’s making it worse.”
Credit: Ally Green
At one point, while in her dressing room on set, she rested her arm on a curling iron without realizing it. It wasn't until her makeup artist alerted her that she even realized her skin was burning. Once she noticed, she says she was "so zonked out on pills" that she barely reacted. Speaking today, she holds up her arm and motions towards a scar that remains from the incident. She sought help for her reliance on the pills, but it would still be years before she finally attended therapy.
This stress was only compounded by the trauma of growing up in poverty and the realities of being a "contract worker." "Imagine going from literally one week having to borrow a car to get to set to the next week being on a private jet to New York City," she says. After Glee ended, so did the rides on private planes. The fury of opportunities she expected to follow her appearance on the show failed to materialize. She wasn't even 30 yet, and she was already forced to consider if she'd hit her career peak.
. . .
We’re only four minutes into our Zoom call before Riley delivers her new adage to me. “My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway,” she says.
On this Thursday afternoon in April, the LA-based entertainer is seated inside her closet/dressing room wearing a cerulean blue tank top with matching shorts and eating hot wings. This current phase of healing hinges on balance. It’s about having discipline and consistency, but not at the risk of inflexibility. She was planning to head to the gym, for instance, but she’s still tired from the “exhausting” day before. Instead, she’s spent her day receiving a massage, eating some chicken wings, and planning to spend quality time with friends. “I’m not going to beat myself up for it. I’m not going to talk down to myself. I’m going to eat my chicken wings, and then tomorrow I’m [back] in the gym,” she says.
“My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway."
This is the balance with which she's been approaching much of her life these days. It's why she's worried less about whether or not people see her as someone who is humble. She'd rather be respected. "I think you should be a person that's easy to work with, but in the moments where I have to ruffle feathers and make waves, I'm not shying away from that anymore. You can do it in love, you don't have to be nasty about it, but I had to finally be comfortable with the fact that setting boundaries around my life – in whatever aspect, whether that's personal or business – people are not going to like it. Some people are not going to have nice things to say about you, and you gotta be okay with it," she says.
When Amber talks about the constant humbling of Black women in Hollywood, I think of the entertainers before her who have suffered from this. The brilliant, consistent, overqualified Black women who have spoken of having to fight for opportunities and fair pay. Aretha Franklin. Viola Davis. Tracee Ellis Ross. There's a long list of stars whose success hasn't mirrored their experiences behind the scenes.
Credit: Ally Green
If Black women outside of Hollywood are struggling to decrease the pay gap, so, too, are their wealthier, more famous peers.
Riley says there’s been progress in recent years, but only in small ways and for a limited group of people. “This business is exhausting. The goalpost is constantly moving, and sometimes it’s unfair,” she says. But, I have to say it’s the love that keeps you going.”
“There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman,” she continues. “We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
"There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman. We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
Last year, Riley starred alongside Raven Goodwin in the Lifetime thriller Single Black Female (a modern, diversified take on 1992’s Single White Female). It was more than a leading role for the actress, it also served as proof that someone who looks like her can front a successful project without it hinging on her identity. It showcased that the characters she portrays don’t “have to be about being a big girl. It can just be a regular story.”
Riley sees her work in music as an extension of her efforts to push past the rigid stereotypes in entertainment. Take her appearance on The Masked Singer, for instance. Riley said she decided to perform Mayer’s “Gravity” after being told she couldn’t sing it years earlier. “I wanted to do ‘Gravity’ on Glee. [I] was told no, because that’s not a song that Mercedes would do,” she says. “That was a full circle moment for me, doing that on that show and to hear what it is they had to say.”
As Scherzinger praised the “anointed” performance, a masked Riley began to cry, her chest heaving as she stood on stage, her eyes shielded from view. “You have to understand, I have really big names – casting directors, producers, show creators – that constantly tell me ‘I’m such a big fan. Your talent is unmatched.’ Hire me, then,” she says, reflecting on the moment.
Recently, she’s been in the studio working on original music, the follow-up to her independently-released debut EP, 2020’s Riley. The sequel to songs such as the anthemic “Big Girl Energy” and the reflective ballad “A Moment” on Riley, this new project hones in on the singer’s R&B roots with sensual grooves such as the tentatively titled “All Night.” “You said I wasn’t shit, turns out that I’m the shit. Then you called me a bitch, turns out that I’m that bitch. You said no one would want me, well you should call your homies,” she sings on the tentatively titled “Lately,” a cut about reflecting on a past relationship. From the forthcoming project, xoNecole received five potential tracks. Fans likely already know the strengths and contours of Riley’s vocals, but these new songs are her strongest, most confident offerings as an artist.
“I am so much more comfortable as a writer, and I know who I am as an artist now. I’m evolving as a human being, in general, so I’m way more vulnerable in my music. I’m way more willing to talk about whatever is on my mind. I don’t stop myself from saying what it is I want to say,” she says.
Credit: Ally Green
“Every era and alliteration of Amber, the baseline is ‘Big Girl Energy.’ That’s the name of her company,” her manager Brooks says, referencing the imprint through which Riley releases her music after getting out of a label deal several years ago. “It’s just what she stands for. She’s not just talking about size, it’s in all things. Whether it’s putting your big girl pants on and having to face a boardroom full of executives or sell yourself in front of a casting agent. It’s her trying to achieve the things she wants to do in life.”
Riley says she has big dreams beyond releasing this new music, too. She’d love to star in a rom-com with Winston Duke. She hasn't starred in a biopic yet, but she’d revel in the opportunity to portray Rosetta Tharpe on screen. She’s determined that her previous setbacks won’t stop her from dreaming big.
“I think one of my superpowers is resilience because, at the end of the day, I’m going to kick, scream, cry, cuss, be mad and disappointed, but I’m going to get up and risk having to deal with it all again. It’s worth it for the happy moments,” she says.
If Riley seems more comfortable and confident professionally, it’s because of the work she’s been doing in her personal life.
She’d previously spoken to xoNecole about becoming engaged to a man she discovered in a post on the site, but she called things off last year. For Valentine’s Day, she revealed her new boyfriend publicly. “I decided to post him on Valentine’s Day, partially because I was in the dog house. I got in trouble with him,” she says, half-joking before turning serious. “The breakup was never going to stop me from finding love. Or at least trying. I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness, and you enjoy it and work through it.”
Credit: Ally Green
"I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness and you enjoy it and work through it.”
With her ex, Riley was pretty outspoken about her relationship, even appearing in content for Netflix with him. This time around is different. She’s not hiding her boyfriend of eight months, but she’s more protective of him, especially because he’s a father and isn’t interested in becoming a public figure.
She’s traveling more, too. It’s a deliberate effort on her part to enjoy her money and reject the trauma she’s developed after experiencing poverty in her childhood. “I live in constant fear of being broke. I don’t think you ever don’t remember that trauma or move past that. Now I travel and I’m like, listen, if it goes, it goes. I’m not saying [to] be reckless, but I deserve to enjoy my hard work.”
After everything she’s been through, she certainly deserves to finally let loose a bit. “I have to have a life to live,” she says. “I’ve got to have a life worth fighting for.”
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15 Women Share Their Personal Hacks For Better Orgasms (And Sex Overall)
I’m pretty sure that I’m basically being redundant when I say that I write about sex quite a bit which means that I spend quite a bit of time doing research when it comes to sex-related intel, tips, and hacks. Yet I have to say that when it comes to getting some much-needed information in the realm of coitus, it’s been my clients (along with random interviews that I do with people because I don’t mind talking to complete strangers about intimate ish) who have garnered me some of the best takeaways.
Take orgasms, for example. Since I’m well aware of the fact that vaginal orgasms (especially) can be a real challenge for a lot of women, I’m constantly on the hunt for what can help to “bridge the gap” in that arena.
And that’s why I decided, this time, to forego science articles, vlogs, and online data and instead ask some women for myself about some of the things that they do to make having an orgasm, improving their orgasms, and their sexual experience overall something that is so much better for themselves.
So, grab yourself a light aphrodisiac snack (check out “Eat Your Way To Better Sex With Aphrodisiacs”) and dig into what 15 Black women told me gets them off, in a mighty big way, just about every time.
*As always, middle names have been used so that everyone can feel comfortable giving up the goods…umm, so to speak*
1. Rochelle. 37. Married for 11 Years.Giphy
“While y’all be out here talking about some kegels, what I’m into is my man giving me a hip massage. The key is to make sure you use some sort of massage oil that has menthol in it. Between the tingling of the menthol and him rubbing on your hips, not only is it really relaxing, but the ‘minty feel’ opens your body up so that once intercourse begins, you’re less tense, and that makes having an orgasm so much easier to do.”
2. Karmyn. 27. Single.
“Kiss him the way you want him to penetrate you. Literally, use your tongue as if it were a penis and move it in his mouth like you want him to move inside of you. The kissing will turn you both on, and if he follows your instructions, you should be able to orgasm with no problem."
"I learned this trick when I asked an ex of mine to explain what p — sy feels like, and he said the best way to explain it is what a tongue feels like inside of [the] mouth. He should’ve never told me that, boy! It’s been hell in these streets ever since!”
3. LaChelle. 43. In a Serious Relationship for Two Years.
“If you’re self-conscious about your body, get some lingerie that has cutouts in them. There is a lot of sexy stuff out here that can have you covering up the parts you’re not comfortable with while still giving him access to the ‘main events.’ My man loves one of my lace one-piece teddies that has no crotch, and it’s easier for me to orgasm because I’m not overthinking the entire time.”
4. Trinitee. 27. Married for One Year.Giphy
“We’ve only been married a year, but we weren’t exactly abstinent when we were just dating. So, we like to find ways to keep it fresh. One thing that we do is go ‘hotel hopping’ once a month. We find a new hotel and meet each other there. We try and do different hours of the day and come with a surprise in hand. Like he might bring a new sex toy, and I might have on some lingerie that he’s never seen before. Then we text each other beforehand to talk about the best part of the sex we had from the last hotel we visited. The anticipation is foreplay.”
5. Wren. 33. In a Serious Relationship for Six Years.
“What works for me is doing afterplay as foreplay. What I mean by that is, taking a nap naked with my boo before any sexual activity is one of my favorite things. Being up under him, especially if he’s spooning me, feels really good, sleeping together is very intimate, and — there’s something about being awakened outta my sleep with kisses on my neck and back that almost makes me want to cum right then and there.”
6. Bevalyn. 40. Living with Her Partner for Four Years.
“Get on your back and have him kneel in front of you."
"Put your legs over his, and when he penetrates you, ask him to use one of his hands to apply pressure on your pubic bone — the area right above your clitoris."
"As he’s gently pushing down while he’s inside of you…if you don’t cum from that, I don’t know what else to tell you, sis.”
7. Sophia. 38. In a Serious Relationship for Two Years.Giphy
“Shower sex can be a bit much, and I don’t trust a used jacuzzi. What we do is fill up our own inflatable pool and get it on inside of it. It’s perfect during the summer, late at night, because we have a tall fence. Just make sure that you bring some silicone lube to keep things slippery down there. An inflatable pool has been one of the best sex investments that we have ever made!”
8. Averie. 35. Single.
“Wanna know if your man is as into giving you head as he claims? Right after he goes down on you, ask him to immediately penetrate you. If he’s hard, he’s totally into it, and if he catches you soon enough, you’ll be in the perfect position to have a multiple orgasm. Don’t say I didn’t give you the ultimate cheat code.”
9. Victoria. 40. Married for 11 Years.
“Shellie, you actually got me on the cinnamon kick when I read one of your articles that talked about applying cinnamon oil to my clit before oral sex. Since [then], I’ve been doing some research, and it says that cinnamon is also an aphrodisiac because it stimulates blood flow. So, I’ll also drink cinnamon tea throughout the day or share a cinnamon cocktail with my husband. Works like a charm.”
Shellie here: She’s right. I did say that. LOL. You can read for yourself: “Here's How To Have Some Really Great Fall-Themed Sex.”
10. Daniela. 28. Engaged for Six Months.Giphy
“Ever been fingered backward? What I mean is, get on all fours and have him insert a finger or two from behind with his palm being flat. That way, the space in between your anus and your vagina will get a massage while your vagina gets penetrated. There’s nothing quite like it.”
11. Saven. 32. Single.
“Ice. Have him rub a little bit of ice on your clitoris and then immediately warm it up with his tongue. There is something about the drastic changes in temperature that gets me every time. And I mean, EVERY time.”
12. Ferynn. 30. Living with Her Partner for Five Years.
“I don’t know about you, but my man loves to put my legs up in the air. It was never really my favorite move until I read that behind the knees are an unsung erogenous zone. Whoever found that out was onto something because if he rubs back there while talking real crazy to me in a deep voice? Here I come…HERE I COME!”
13. Vivienne. 30. Engaged for One Year.Giphy
“Never underestimate the power of a foot massage. Just make sure that he applies pressure in the middle of your foot where your arch is. It instantly makes me wet. I asked my doctor why and he said that it’s probably because foot massages tend to increase blood flow, including where the vagina is. Either way, it’s always a good night if I get a foot massage first.”
14. Michelle. 24. Single.
“I’m a doula who owns my own exercise ball…for sex. When I first started showing couples the positions that women can get into to make labor easier, it got me to thinking that some of those positions could work for sex too — and they do."
"Something about the movement of the ball takes the pressure off of the back for both men and women. It also makes getting into certain positions a lot easier so that you can enjoy sex for a lot longer.”
15. Carol. 31. Married for Five Years.
“My husband and I have bets. If he wants me to make some of his favorite meals five days in a row, he’s gotta make me cum five times in a row. If I want him to get me something that’s not in our budget, I’ve gotta attempt one of his sex fantasies. We’re both competitive as hell, so it works for us because honestly, even when we ‘lose’…we win!”
Listen, I don’t know about y’all, but this was definitely worth my while. After all, ain’t nothin’ like some Black women who can speak from very-personal-and-up-close experience about what makes them happy — especially if it can increase the odds of bringing some sexual satisfaction your way too.
Speaking of, if you want to share the wealth, drop some of your own orgasm-related tips in the comment section. The more of us who can woosah on the regular, the better, chile. Straight up. #havefun #lotsofit
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Featured image by Giphy