Orgasms have always fascinated me. I’m totally unapologetic about it, too, because anyone who has ever experienced one before (especially a full-body one) gets that if there’s one thing that is borderline inexplicably delightful, satisfying, and worth having as much as possible in this semi-short and very precious life, an orgasm would be it.
That’s basically why I enjoy doing my due diligence when it comes to researching as much as I can about them and then sharing my discoveries with cyberspace. For instance, some current statistics on climaxing include the fact that over 80 percent of women do not orgasm from intercourse alone (that number looks to have increased a bit; some say it’s due to the constant use of vibrators…hmm); almost 60 percent of women have faked an orgasm; on average, it takes a woman 14 minutes to climax with a partner while only eight minutes whenever a woman masturbates; 43 percent of women have had multiple orgasms (40 percent say that weed consumption helped to make that possible), and between 5-10 percent of women have never experienced an orgasm before.
What Age Do Women Experience the Best Orgasms?
Know what else I discovered while reading up on the topic? That there’s a certain age demographic who experiences the best that orgasms have to offer. And honestly, the answer just might surprise you.
Drum Roll, Please…
GiphyOkay, so let’s get right down to it, shall we? I will say that, before I reveal what a pretty popular survey shared about orgasms and age, I do think that we need to keep in mind that the study surrounds the quality and not so much the quantity of climaxing. In other words, the operative word here is “best” which means “the highest quality” orgasm. That said, what age seems to experience the most of those?
36. Well, technically, it’s 36 and up.
Are you shocked, or does that make complete and total sense to you? Personally, reflecting on that age reminded me of an article that I once read on Fast Company’s website entitled, “How none of us are really adults until we turn 36.” It’s a relatively quick read about how someone came to the conclusion that after speaking with a whopping 500,000 people and coming to the ultimate conclusion that the 20s are about taking their training wheels off — the early 30s through 35 are about achieving professional success and 36 “is the age where there is a chance to review core beliefs, expand our horizons and feel empowered about our future.”
If this is indeed the case, then our sex life — and more specifically, our orgasms — peaking around this same time seems on par…right? Fascinating.
Here’s Why It’s That Age for the Win
GiphyThe thing that I really appreciate about surveys like this is it proves what I say to some of the couples who I work with when they try and act like having an active, consistent, and highly creative sex life has some sort of expiration date on it like a carton of milk. Y’all have no idea how many sexless married people will try and deflect from their issues by acting like only folks who are a step up from having their driver’s license want to have sex at least a couple of times a week — when that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Thankfully, I know quite a few married couples who have a really healthy and active sex life, and there is much intel, even outside of this survey, that reveals that sex and wine have quite a bit in common when it comes to the “it just gets better with time” saying.
Matter of fact, something else that the survey revealed is women who fit into the demographic of 23 and younger and 23-36 not only don’t have the best quality orgasms (overall), but they also experience them the least often.
Why is that? There are actually a few determining factors.
For starters, there’s a greater chance that the older women are, the more likely it is that they are married or in long-term relationships, and there is also plenty of data out here to support the fact that serious relationships typically come with better sex lives attached to them.
Another reason is that as women mature, they are able to figure out what their sexual wants and needs are and how to better articulate them. In other words, they don’t play around when it comes to their sexual satisfaction; they are bold about speaking up.
Something else that plays a very valid role is the fact that sexual maturity oftentimes brings along with it a heightened level of sexual confidence (check out “10 Sensuous Ways To Boost Your Sexual Self-Esteem”) — and since the biggest sex organ continues to be the brain, it also makes sense that the better you feel about yourself, yes sexually, the easier it is to give and receive sexual pleasure on a myriad of different levels.
What Makes Something That’s Already Great…THE BEST?
GiphyWhile working on a different assignment, I interviewed a few married couples about what they think is the biggest mistake people make when it comes to sex. Something that several husbands and wives said was they thought that the last approach that should be taken is “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” because that can end up making you very sexually lazy…and that leads to predictability…which can lead to boredom...which can ultimately lead to resentment…and that can lead to a less-than-impressive-if-existent-at-all sex life.
One husband: “I don’t care how much praise my wife may give me after a session. My goal is to always top myself, no matter what. That has been my mindset for almost 20 years now. I keep looking for new locations, new positions, new sex items — sex only gets old to people who are lazy about it.”
One wife: “The best orgasms that I’ve had with my husband is when I’ve felt like we’re totally in sync. That requires communication, and that includes choosing the right time to discuss certain things. It also always means that you need to be more focused on pleasing your partner than what they need to do to please you…because if you both are wired that way, no one is going to come up short.”
Definitely pearls of wisdom to keep in mind if your mission is not to just have more orgasms but some of the BEST ones ever. And that brings me to a few physical hacks that women, of every age, should try.
5 Tips for Having (Even) Better Orgasms
GiphySo, what if you’re someone who has orgasms fairly often and easily, yet you’re always wondering if the quality of them could be better? If so, here are five tips:
1. Massage the lower abdominal area. There are certain sexual pressure points that you have that have nothing to do with your genitalia. One of them happens to be your lower abdominal region. As I touched on in the article, “Feelin' On These Pressure Points Will Give You The Best Sex Of Your Life,” getting massaged right underneath your belly button can relax you and intensify your orgasms at the same time (so can your partner mildly pushing down on that area prior to intimacy too).
2. Drink some milk (alternative) and saffron. If you’re looking for yet one more reason to kick traditional milk to the curb, consider your sex drive. More studies are coming out that consuming it will throw your hormones off, which could affect/infect your libido. However, if you consume a milk alternative like almond, oat, or cashew and then add some saffron to it, it could do your sex drive a lot of good. Saffron is a spice that’s loaded with antioxidants that help to calm your nerves, increase vaginal lubrication in women, and decrease erectile dysfunction in men. So yeah…drink up!
3. Make your clitoris tingle (before time). If your partner still struggles with locating your G-spot, a hack that works for many is for him to put a bit of lubrication on his index finger before putting it inside of you, facing up. Then, if he moves his finger in a “come hither” way, he should be able to feel the tiny lil’ walnut (your spot). That gets the tingling going on the inside. As far as the outside goes, Tingle to Mingle is a lubricant that many rave about. The name lets you know exactly what it sets out to do. Pick up a bottle, and please report back. #wink
4. Quickies in the a.m. Full sessions in the p.m. These days, we use the word “pregaming” for just about everything. And yes, it can apply when it comes to sex — more specifically, quickies. Why? Well, even if you’re someone who prefers all-out sex sessions, quickies can be seen as a form of edging…and edging can get you so excited about sex that it can make round two (or five) that much more pleasurable later on.
So, don’t feel like bending over while you’re brushing your teeth is robbing you of anything. You can get a quick orgasm there…one that will hold you over until you can get multiple (and longer) ones later!
5. Never underestimate morning sex. The reality is that a lot of people prefer sex at night because it’s the most convenient for them; that doesn’t mean that any of us should underestimate morning sex, though. Aside from the fact that it’s a solid de-stressor and a great way to boost energy and concentration levels, because both estrogen and testosterone levels are at their peak in the morning hours, morning sex can also intensify your orgasms on a billion different levels too.
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Welp. There you have it. No matter what those 20-somethings on TikTok may be talkin’ about, if you’re in your mid-30s (or up), chances are, you can school them on sexual satisfaction on a few levels. And now you’ve got something beyond (hopefully) your own personal experience to prove it. #winkagain
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So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
Apparently, there was a Thanksgiving episode that featured all of the friends having dinner together. And y’all, there was simply no way that I was going to mention the latter without shouting out the original (amen?).
Okay, so with that out of the way — Friendsgiving. Something that I appreciate about twists to holidays like this is that it’s a reminder that there is no one way to celebrate special occasions. And so, if, for whatever the reason, you will not or cannot be with family during the holiday season, there are certainly other alternatives at your disposal.
That being said, if the thought of spending time with friends this Thanksgiving is something that you’d like to do, yet you’re not sure how to host it in a way that will make Friendsgiving a fan favorite for your entire circle — I’ve got 10 suggestions that can make the planning process easy as pumpkin (or sweet potato) pie.
1. Position Chrysanthemums or Orchids for Your Table Décor
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Let’s start with décor first. Listen, aside from cleaning up your place, you don’t have to be over the top. If you put together a really nice centerpiece or put a flower at each table setting, honestly, you’re all good. And if you’re someone who is big on details and symbolism, my recommendation would be to go with some chrysanthemums and/or orchids.
When it comes to chrysanthemums, not only are they a peak fall flower, they represent things like friendship and happiness. And orchids? They tend to bloom during the fall and spring seasons and, not only are they about luxury, certain orchid colors also symbolize friendship (for the record, yellow roses symbolize friendship too). Perfect.
2. Incorporate Scents That Cultivate Gratitude
Speaking of cultivating a warm and inviting space, you can never go wrong with scented soy candles — or at least having an essential oil diffuser in a few spots. Some scents that actually help to bring in the spirit of gratitude include vanilla, jasmine, ginger, cedarwood and frankincense.
3. Use Upscale Paper Products to Dine With
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Let’s be real — a lot more of us would probably host events in our home if it wasn’t for the mess that is left behind in our kitchen once the festivities are over. Wanna avoid that? Use paper plates. No, I don’t mean the cheap Styrofoam ones. SMDH. These days, there are paper (and plastic) plate brands that will low-key blow your mind when it comes to how bougie they look. Some that are worth considering are located here, here and here.
4. Handwrite Thank-You Notes (Use Them As Place Settings)
If you’re like Tiffany (from the HBO series Insecure — what a time) was at that memorable dinner party when all hell broke loose between Lawrence and Issa and you’re pretty anal — I mean, particular — LOL — about place settings, it’s a nice touch to pick up some blank thank-you cards that you can write a personalized “I’m thankful for you because…” message in. Place each one where you’d like each friend to sit. They won’t see it coming and it’s a really nice touch.
5. Have Everyone Bring Their Favorite Homemade Dish
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Okay, and what if what has you on the fence about hosting is you don’t feel like doing a ton of cooking? Chile, this is where the concept of having a potluck comes in. Get everyone to bring the dish that they claim they cook the best and make sure to let them know how many individuals you plan on coming (so that they will make enough). You can even make a game out of it by having everyone anonymously vote for the first, second and third best dishes out of the bunch. Take it up a notch by having a prize for each winner.
6. Take a Warm Drink and Dessert Poll Beforehand
You know what isn’t discussed enough about dinner parties? Folks bringing desserts that other people don’t even like. SMDH. You can avoid this from becoming an issue at your Friendsgiving by sending an email (most people prefer that to group chats; let’s be real — and make sure to BCC everyone as well) asking everyone to share what their top three favorite desserts and warm drinks are. Then pick the top 2-3 out of the bunch. That way, you won’t have a ton of (for instance) coffee cake or apple cider lying around that no one even wanted in the first place.
7. Create a Signature Friendsgiving Mocktail and Cocktail
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Speaking of drinks, another way to make your Friendsgiving memorable is to come up with a signature mocktail (for those who don’t consume alcohol) and cocktail. For the mocktail, you can also poll your friends about their favorite mocktail or fruits and come up with a mixture of your own. For the cocktail — although National Friendship Day is actually in August, I did peep that there are certain drinks that have been created in its honor. Some of them are located here for you to do a bit of tweaking on (if you’d like).
8. Ask Everyone to Share Their “Favorite Friend Quality” of Another
You know how it’s customary for everyone to go around and share what they are truly thankful for before having dinner? Well, to continue along with the Friendsgiving theme, have each person share what their favorite friend quality is about the person to their right. If folks are just meeting each other for the first time, instead they can share what they value the most in friendship overall, along with a story of how it was displayed to them personally over the past 12 months.
9. Send Each of Your Guests Home with a Fresh Gratitude Journal
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Wanna send folks home with a nice parting gift? It would be so on-trend to give each of them a gratitude journal. Listen, we are in some crazy times right through here (at least in the States) and so, encouraging your friends to set some time aside, regularly, to think about and then outwardly express what they are grateful for? That helps to keep stress down, keep things in perspective and it reminds us all to maintain a positive mindset as much as possible.
10. Watch a Nostalgic Movie
While everyone is enjoying dessert and drinks, how about watching a movie that brings back fond memories? A list of some of the most popular movies to come out previous Thanksgiving weekends is located here and a list of some favorite Black holiday-themed films can be found here. It’s a way to wind down and share some laughs before everyone heads home.
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Friendsgiving. What a wonderful way to celebrate your friends while also observing Thanksgiving in a way that is totally on your terms. And now that you know how to put it together, what are you waiting for? Hit your friends up and let them know that, whether it’s on actual Thanksgiving Day or a few days before or after, you’ve got a special dinner in mind.
One that has a good time with amazing friends written ALL over it.
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