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Unpopular Opinion: You Don't Have To Have An Orgasm To Have Good Sex

I said what I said.

Her Voice

Chasing the elusive orgasm. That's what sex has become for many of us, but I'm here to tell you that sex in the absence of orgasm can still be pleasurable. I'm trying not to raise my voice too loud so as not to let the anxious men hear me, but I do want you to hear me, ladies.

My personal theory is that most of the hype around orgasm is really our collective dismay with the fact that we give them to men so freely only for them (in far too many instances) to do the bare minimum to reciprocate.

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Couple this with the fact that so many men are illiterate about sex, that they can barely find the clitoris, much less understand that it needs attention to up the odds of achieving orgasm...and it's truly misused of a masterpiece.

And, while I don't think an orgasm is necessary to enjoy sex to the fullest -- which we will get back to shortly -- I will remain on and die on this hill, maintaining that there's no space in our life for men who don't care to make the effort. I'm not a fan of consolation prizes, usually, but in this case: A for effort, always. At least on a decent human-being level, that has nothing at all to do with your sex.

Women are conditioned to please men...period.

While (new age) men are (re)conditioned to care about the pleasure of partners with who they want to grow with and that shows amongst us single women. The old heads? I can't speak much on it, but I've heard too many stories of women just lying there during sex while being rammed at. Eck. And sorry to that woman! Admittedly, there's been growth---growth that I would love to see continue. But, when you're with a person who you trust to ebb and flow with you throughout the process of pleasure, every sexual encounter doesn't have to end in orgasm, and that goes for both of you.

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The notion that sex isn't pleasurable if there's no orgasm is an ableist notion. Not all people have the ability to achieve orgasm for a number of reasons, and this pressure from society to always perform to the point of orgasms can be a bit terrifying for those people.

And, even if you're able-bodied, goal-oriented sex creates so much unnecessary pressure that the goal in and of itself makes it more difficult for you to orgasm. As I mentioned earlier, women are already at a disadvantage in this game! Our orgasms don't come with the simplicity of a penis, which had all the ribbing of a deflated pool floaty just 30 seconds prior to the soft graze of a tongue.

Many of us require clitoral stimulation to orgasm, and that ain't no thing. It should certainly be arranged---the clitoral stimulation---in any well-rounded "sexperience". But, again, the pressure. It's so unnecessary. As a whole, it's probably best to stop looking at sex as a three-part series and just lump everything together.

Foreplay isn't foreplay. It's sex.

Featured image by Shutterstock

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