
Let's talk about stagnation for a moment, shall we? When it comes to a cool place to begin the discussion, how about let's start with water? Do you remember hearing in elementary-level science class that stagnant water stinks? Well, it wasn't too long ago that this theory was brought back to my remembrance after leaving a cup of water sitting on the side of my sink for a couple of days. When I went to rinse it out—Lord, have mercy!
How could a simple coffee mug, with nothing but water in it, smell all foul like that? I did a little research and rediscovered that when the water has limited dissolved oxygen in it, it's a breeding ground for bacteria. As the organisms in the bacteria start to die, that's what makes stagnant (still) water smell as crappy as it does.
What Does Stagnant In Life Mean?
In walks, the definition of stagnant. One definition is "to cease to run or flow, as water, air, etc." Another is "to be or become stale or foul from standing, as a pool of water". Both of those apply to water really well (and are a good reminder of why you should open up your house windows to let some fresh air in, every once in a while, too). Well, two other definitions for stagnant are "to stop developing, growing, progressing, or advancing" and "to be or become sluggish and dull". Hmph.
When the author Vince Flynn once said, "If you're not busy living, you're dying", this pretty much sums up why stagnation is so problematic. All of us have a limited amount of time on this planet and to fall into a rut of being stagnant is about the worst use of yours that you could ever do.
Questions To Ask If You're Feeling Stagnant In Life
So, how can you know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you are stagnant when it comes to how you are currently living your life? I suggest that you start by asking yourself the following six questions and then pay attention to what your mind, body, and spirit tell you about your answers.
6 Questions to Ask If You're Feeling Stagnant
1. Are You Using Your Gifts and Talents on the Regular?
Every single one of us was born with gifts and talents. To me, gifts are things that come extremely natural to you that appear close to supernatural to others. Talents are things that you are good at, yet you might need a little help with fine-tuning. For instance, I know that one of my gifts is writing. A talent of mine is singing. A friend of mine (shout-out to award-winning producer SHANNON SANDERS) says that a mistake that a lot of us make is we spend more time trying to master our talents than cultivate our gifts; if we did the opposite, there's no telling what doors would open up for us (which is exactly why I went the writing route).
Anyway, sometimes we're so consumed with making ends meet, that more time, effort, and energy is put into doing our jobs than fueling our gifts and talents. Yet remember that a wise person once said that, "You weren't born to just pay bills and die" and that really is God's honest truth. If whatever your paying gig is consists of you utilizing your gifts and talents, my only two cents for that would be, if you're working to build someone else's empire, make sure to invest some time into also building one of your own too.
However, if you can't even remember the last time you wrote, sang, painted, designed—whatever it is that you do extremely and naturally well, whether you realize it or not, you are actually not living life to its fullest because, again, a part of your purpose is to utilize the gifts and talents that you've been given.
If you know that you haven't been vigilant in this area, there's no time like the present to start. Decide today that you will devote time, daily, to your gifts and talents. Watch how much fuller your life becomes, the very moment that you do.
2. Is Every Day Exactly the Same?
Boredom sucks. That said, one definition that I think folks need to keep in the forefront of their mind when it comes to being bored is "tedious repetition". Goodness, if there's ever a time when we were pushed to the absolute limit on that, it's 2020. Here's the thing, though. Even in a pandemic (including being locked down in one), there are still things that you can do to keep yourself from living a ho-hum life where you feel like you are doing the same damn thing, day in and day out. Cook different meals. Take different routes to places you need to go. Hit up a site like Skillshare to take a class. If you've got a boo, try some new sex positions. Update a room in your house. Try a different hairstyle. Hell, paint your toes a different color.
While it does require a little bit of forethought and effort, another way to break out of the valley of stagnation is to make the decision to attempt something new or different every day. It doesn't have to be anything huge. It could simply be a new flavor of ice cream or a music genre or era that you've never considered before. People who live a rich and fulfilling life can often look back on all kinds of memories. They created them by trying out a variety of things. For you, there's no time like the present, sis.
3. Are You Right Where You Were this Time Last Year?
While actually all of these questions are worthy of pulling out your journal and doing a little writing on, this one really needs a couple of pages. The reason why I say that is because, in order to get to the root of this particular question, it's a good idea to break your life up into categories—professionally, personally, relationally, spiritually, financially, when it comes to your health, your goals and your desires…as it relates to all of these things, are you in the same place that you were, just 12 short months ago? If your answer is basically "yes", in any of these things, that is another clear sign that you're stagnant on some level.
One of the best things about time is it helps us to evaluate, process, and hopefully heal and move forward. When it comes to certain people, places, things, and especially ideas, I can clearly pinpoint how I'm in a much different head and heart space now than I was this time last year. In every area of your life, you should be seeing progress. If you can't say that about something or someone, it's a clear indication that it's time to do some serious re-evaluating and, where need me, some much-needed shifting as well. Again, everything should be showing signs of growth, on some level. If they're not, there is a level of stagnation going on.
4. When’s the Last Time You Took a (Real) Risk?
Back when I wrote the article, "Are You A 'Comfort Zone Addict'?", a point that I brought up in it is, if the word "risk" is basically like a cuss word to you, that's a pretty telling sign that you probably are an addict in this area. Contrary to popular belief, "risk" isn't a bad word. It's all about calculating your risks beforehand. What I mean by that is, for example, having sex with a new partner without using a condom? That's a pretty dumb and dangerous risk. Being open to going on a date with someone who isn't your traditional type, at the recommendation of a friend that you know and trust, that is a risk worth trying out.
Most of the best things that have ever happened to me, they came as the direct result of stepping out on faith and attempting something that I was a little afraid to do and seemed a little crazy on the surface. Matter of fact, I'm actually celebrating my 20th year of not working in an office and making most of my money from writing as we speak. Stagnant people don't do risks. Successful people take them often. The kind of person you ultimately want to be will help you to decide if you should take more risks in your own life—or not.
5. Do You Live Your Life for Others?
Y'all, don't even get me started on where I would be right now if I had taken the unsolicited/borderline controlling advice of my parents, teachers, or a lot of the church folks who were once in my life. I can tell you for sure that I'd be working a job that I hate, married to a man who I settled for, and spiritually stagnant like a big mug. Man, if I could forewarn every high school senior, I would alert them to the fact that it can be quite the bumpy road to transition out of doing what adults in your life tell you to do vs. learning to listen to your own voice, gut instinct and conscience so that you can do what is best for you—whether they think so or not.
Hear me when I say that one of the ways you will DEFINITELY end up stagnant is if your life consists of doing what others expect of you or making others happy at the expense of your own joy, self-fulfillment, and peace of mind. In fact, one of the worst things that any of us could ever do is allow others to manipulate us into thinking that only living our life the way they see fit is the route to go. NOPE. 9.6 times outta 10, that's what will have you feeling all kinds of lost while ending up being all types of resentful. You can't grow and progress by being or doing what others expect of you. They've got their own life and, real talk, if they were trying to live theirs to the fullest, they wouldn't have time to be all up on your business anyway.
Wisdom, maturity, and even humility teaches that yes, advice can be good. But you don't owe ANYONE the right for them to determine the paths you should take or the choices you need to make. It's selfish AF for them to try and make you believe otherwise. If you want to thrive, you've gotta cut the training wheels off from others and walk this thing out on your own. Are you doing that? If you're not—when will you start?
6. Do You LOVE or Just “Like” Your Life?
Let me just say, off top, that loving your life doesn't mean that everything is easy breezy, or that there aren't challenges. In order to do this writing thing basically full-time, there are many financial sacrifices that I've had to make. MANY. But man—to be able to work from home, set my own hours, and write exactly what I want to without compromising my values, principles, or myself? And then when I'm not writing on relationships, to be able to help people with theirs, and then turn around and help other folks birth their children (because I'm also a doula)? I promise you that there isn't one night when I don't sleep in perfect peace when it comes to the life path that I am on. There really isn't.
This is why I vehemently say that another sign that you're stagnant is if you can't reflect on the current state of your own life and be able to say the same thing—that you LOVE it! Not just that it's "cool" or "OK" but you are really enjoying what you're currently doing (including how you're doing it) and that you're super excited about what's to come (because you're constantly coming up with ways to top yourself).
If you can't look at yourself in the mirror and smile, each and every morning about your world, there is some stagnation going on because remember—stagnation is a lack of advancement and feeling like things are dull and sluggish for you.
The good news is you have the power to change all of this. Sure, you might not be able to quit your job now, get into the kind of relationship that you desire now, or cultivate the type of world that you've always dreamed of…right now. What you can do, though, is start planning. You can stop just letting life happen to you and start putting your energy into creating the one that you want.
I was just telling someone recently that I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing at the turn of this century. That was 20 years ago and, in the grand scheme of things, it all went by pretty damn fast. My point? Life is too short and you've got too much within you to settle for stagnation. Decide, TODAY, that it's time to invest in what will grow and develop every facet of your life. Because, as any abandoned cup of water can attest to—stagnation stinks. Period.
Featured image by Shutterstock
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Because We Are Still IT, Girl: It Girl 100 Returns
Last year, when our xoNecole team dropped our inaugural It Girl 100 honoree list, the world felt, ahem, a bit brighter.
It was March 2024, and we still had a Black woman as the Vice President of the United States. DEI rollbacks weren’t being tossed around like confetti. And more than 300,000 Black women were still gainfully employed in the workforce.
Though that was just nineteen months ago, things were different. Perhaps the world then felt more receptive to our light as Black women.
At the time, we launched It Girl 100 to spotlight the huge motion we were making as dope, GenZennial Black women leaving our mark on culture. The girls were on the rise, flourishing, drinking their water, minding their business, leading companies, and learning to do it all softly, in rest. We wanted to celebrate that momentum—because we love that for us.
So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.

In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.

In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.

And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.

We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.

So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.

That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.

This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
I seriously doubt that it will come as a shock to anyone reading this that the “official” cold (and flu) seasons are considered to be during the fall and wintertime. However, what kinda tripped me out is that there really are only a few months of the year when we aren’t susceptible to catching a cold: May-July. SMDH.
Know what else is wild about colds? They have five stages: incubation (1-2 days); symptom onset (1-2 days); peak symptoms (1-2 days); plateau (2-3 days), and recovery (3-5 days) — and that is why, sometimes, it can seem like it takes FOREVER to get over a cold. Also, SMDH.
Luckily, there are some things that you can do to either speed up the healing process of a cold or make having one more bearable than usual. Things that are affordable, all-natural, and easy to incorporate into your daily routine.
Are you ready to know how to nip a damn cold in the bud…before you even get one?
Here ya go.
1. Fire Cider

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Two drinks that I am gonna drink all the way down, each and every fall season, are hot chocolate and apple cider (that’s warmed up). So, when I read about something called “fire cider,” it absolutely caught my attention. If you’re not familiar with it, fire cider is a homemade drink that consists of things like apple cider vinegar, herbs and other ingredients that are specifically designed to boost your immune system.
I won’t lie to you — since some of the traditional recipes contain things like onion and garlic (sulfur has potent medicinal properties) and sometimes even hot peppers (which help to clear up congestion) — although fire cider might not be your favorite as far as your palate is concerned, the viruses (because there are reportedly somewhere around 200 of ‘em) that cause colds will lose a lot of their impact if you drink this; and that makes it worth a shot — well, swallow. Some fire cider recipes can be found here, here and here.
2. Probiotics
A few years ago, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “80% Of Your Immunity Is In Your Gut. Take Care Of It Like This.” — and that alone should explain why and how a probiotic can help to prevent colds and make it easier to get over them. The reality is that a healthy gut is what helps to monitor how your immune system reacts and responds to harmful pathogens that may try and get into your system, including ones that cause the common cold.
And since probiotics feed your gut with “good bacteria,” this gives your gut the ability to be better (and quicker) at fighting off the bad. So yeah, take a probiotic — all of the time and definitely while you have a cold. It helps.
3. Peppermint (or Eucalyptus) Oil

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Although I rarely get sick (praise the Lord!), when I do catch a cold, I think what I hate the most is not being able to comfortably breathe. Well, something that is proven to help with that is peppermint essential oil. That’s because it contains properties that act as a natural decongestant as well as a fever reducer. Another essential oil that can hook you up in this department is eucalyptus oil. It’s bomb because it helps to soothe a nagging cough, it can clear up chest congestion and ultimately makes it easier to breathe.
So, before turning in at night, either mix a few drops of one (or both) of these oils with a carrier oil like grapeseed, avocado or jojoba, warm it up for 10 seconds in the microwave and apply it to the sides of your nose or on your best or back. Or put the oil in a diffuser. It can quickly ease cold-related symptoms while also making it so much easier for you to rest (which is something else your body needs to get over a cold; more on that in a sec).
4. Zinc Lozenges
Zinc is a mineral that helps to keep your immune system healthy and strong — and since a weakened immunity is directly connected to having more colds (2-4 a year is considered to be “normal,” by the way), it’s always a good idea to have some zinc in your body. As it relates to colds, specifically, aside from the fact that zinc can help you from catching one to begin with, there are also studies which say that sucking on zinc lozenges can help to shorten the timespan of a cold as well.
To be fair, some people have said that zinc lozenges make them feel nauseated; however, everything has its pros and cons and so, how would you know if you’re one of these folks unless you try it? Oh, and while we are on this topic, there are also zinc supplements and foods that are high in zinc (like red meat, lentils, hemp seeds, cashews and quinoa) if you want to try and get more zinc into your system that way (although lozenges are gonna be your best bet on the shortening tip; just sayin’).
5. Foods Rich in Vitamin C

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Speaking of foods that can fight a cold, out of all of what you’ve read here, probably what you are quite familiar with is the fact that vitamin C and colds are mortal enemies. In fact, one pretty significant study says that by taking one gram of vitamin C a day during a cold, you can reduce the severity of your symptoms by as much as 15 percent.
That’s because vitamin C is packed with antioxidants, it helps to reduce bodily inflammation and it helps to strengthen your immunity too. Foods that are full of vitamin C include chili and yellow peppers, kale, kiwi, papaya, broccoli, kale and citrus fruits.
6. Elderberry Tea
If you’re someone who likes to put preserves on your biscuits or toast, have you ever tried one that is made from elderberries (recipe here)? It’s actually pretty good — and good for you because elderberries are high in vitamin C, fiber and antioxidants. And that is why they are great whenever you are trying to hurry up and get over a cold because they also contain properties that are literally antiviral — and since a cold is a virus…well, there you have it.
One of the best ways to get elderberries into your system? Elderberry tea. If you add honey to it, honey can help to shorten symptoms like a stuffy nose, sore throat and cough by 1-2 days. Very cool.
7. REST

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Did you know that even one day of not getting the sleep that you need to weaken your immune system and increase bodily inflammation at the same time too? That’s because one of the benefits of a good night’s rest is it rejuvenates and recharges your system, so that your immunity can work at its optimal level.
Not only that but, according to science, if you already have a cold, getting plenty of rest can benefit you on a few different levels as well. First, your cytokines (proteins that boost your immunity) are released when you sleep.
Second, your body temperature elevates enough to kill some of the bacteria and viruses that are making you sick. Finally, sleep provides you with the energy that you need in order to get through the day while you are healing from your sickness. So, if you want to get through your cold ASAP, be intentional about getting as much rest as you possibly can.
BONUS: A Humidifier
When you get a chance, please check out “10 Really Good Reasons To Get Yourself A Humidifier This Fall”. There really are all kinds of solid reasons to invest in a humidifier around this time of the year — and one of them is to make getting through the cold (and flu) season so much easier for you. Since humidifiers bring moisture into the air, that can help to loosen up congestion, soothe an irritated throat, decrease coughing, help with the healing process of respiratory infections and it can help you to sleep better — so that you can get past your cold sooner.
So, if you don’t already have a humidifier, cop one ASAP. Your future colds will absolutely hate that you did. LOL. For a list of some highly recommended humidifiers that are currently on the market, click here.
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