I don’t know if it’s an unpopular opinion or not but, it seems to me that the people who make the biggest deal about Valentine’s Day are typically the individuals who aren’t married. And although folks who are single, dating, or even engaged definitely deserve love just as much as husbands and wives do, I do think that the ones who signed up to love someone, flaws ‘n all, until death parts them should be the ones who celebrate V-Day most. After all, since the day is all about love and nothing teaches folks about love quite like marriage does — some intentionality in the holiday’s direction absolutely needs to transpire for married people especially.
That said, I get that sometimes the process of staying in a healthy relationship makes it challenging to prepare for special occasions like the one that is just a few days away. That’s why I decided to help all spouses out by providing 15 ideas that can help you and your partner to have one of the most romantic Valentine’s Days that the two of you have had in a really long time (if ever)…because, again, if anyone deserves it…y’all do.
1. Take the Day Off
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Did you know that close to 50 percent of people reportedly don’t use up all of their PTO? Umm, you earned it, so what’s the problem? Honestly, out of all of the ideas that I’m about to share today, I think one of the best things that you could do as a couple is take Valentine’s Day off. Sleep in. Eat breakfast in bed (after having it delivered). Have sex. Nap. Have sex again. Nap some more. Just enjoy the idea of doing absolutely nothing while the rest of the world is hustling and bustling around. Doesn’t just the mere thought of that make you feel all warm ‘n fuzzy inside?
2. Download Some Apps
These days, there really is an app for pretty much everything — including encouraging romance and intimacy between couples. For instance, there’s the Gottman Card Decks app that gives relationship and date idea advice. There’s the Love Nudge app that breaks down the five languages and how you personally relate to them by percentage.
Also, there’s the iPassion app that makes it easier for you and your spouse to share some of your deepest sexual needs and desires. Just putting these apps out here if you and your man are constantly on your devices. Might as well put some of that smartphone time towards investing in your relationship…right?
3. Have a Winter Picnic
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Two weeks ago in Nashville, the high was the teens for damn near a week straight after about 6” fell. Now it’s in the 60s. My point? While there is absolutely no tellin’ what Valentine’s Day is going to be like where any of us live, as far as the weather goes, a winter picnic can still be sweet and a lot of fun. Dress warm. Serve foods like soup, hot cocoa, and s’mores, and cuddle as much as possible the entire time. Even if you only have 30 minutes on your lunch break, it can be just what you need to build up anticipation for seeing each other after you both get off of work.
4. Create a “Dream Date Series” Vision Board
A few years ago, I wrote the article, “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List’” for the platform because I personally think that one of the best ways to keep spark, spontaneity, and sexiness in a marriage is to come up with things that you and your partner have never done (together) before. And so, while dinner and a movie are pretty much the signature kind of date out in these streets, this year, pour a glass of wine for each of you, snack on some chocolate-covered strawberries, and come up with two dream dates that you both can do each month.
Make sure the ideas are fresh, creative, and something that both of you can get excited about. If you need a bit of inspiration, “15 Date Ideas Based On Your Love Language” and “10 Romantic Dates You Can Go On (In Your Own Home)” may be able to help you out.
5. Pitch an Indoor Tent
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A few years back, I penned, “Here's How To Create The Perfect Romantic Indoor Picnic” for the platform. It was because, hands down, one of my favorite romantic date ideas is doing just that: having an indoor picnic. I don’t know what it is about stringing some lights, pitching a tent, throwing some pillows on the floor, and enjoying a meal with that special someone that I find to be so sweet and sensual — but I do. Anyway, just putting the idea out there if you’ve never considered doing this before. It’s pretty easy to put together, and I don’t see how in the world you would end up regretting giving it a shot.
6. Cook Together. Naked.
The reason why I once wrote the article, “Here’s How To Make Cooking A Meal Together Sexy (When You Hate To Cook)” is mostly due to what’s in the parenthesis of the title. Even though cooking with your partner is not only healthier, it’s also a great way to spend quality time, reduce stress, and learn new things together (and sometimes about each other), I get that some people would rather rake the yard in 30-degree weather than get in the kitchen. However, nobody said that you had to make a five-course meal.
Besides, if the two of you have on nothing but some aprons, you might be able to find some super creative ways to pass the time while you’re waiting for a homemade sauce to simmer or your homemade dessert to finish baking. Not to mention the fact that having sex in atypical locations can help to make the experience that much more…erotic.
7. Come Up with Your Own Signature Cocktail
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Something that I enjoy about wedding receptions is when a newly married couple offers up 1-2 signature cocktails that consist of some of their favorite ingredients; then they create a super cute name for it by melding or name blending. What’s wild, though, is I rarely (if ever) hear about couples doing this outside of their nuptials. This Valentine’s Day, why not be a trendsetter by creating a signature drink with your own bae? If you really like this idea yet, you need some help in how to execute this tip properly, The Bar is a site that features an article that can walk you through the process. You can check it out here.
8. Recreate Your First Date
There is a married couple who’ve been together for quite some time now that I’ve been working with for a little over six months. One of the main issues that the wife had was that her husband wasn't romantic enough. One of the issues he had was she was too critical. As we’ve been working on these things separately, she has been feeling more loved, and he has been feeling more relaxed (funny how that works, chile). As a direct result, during the holidays, he recreated their first date and then presented her with an upgrade of her engagement ring. Well done, sir.
Anyway, one of the things that science says nostalgia is able to do is bring two people closer together by reigniting pleasant memories. So, if your first date was one of your best experiences with your husband, why not recreate it? On the other hand, if it left much to be desired, “rewrite history” by using Valentine’s Day for a first date do-over. It’ll be a brilliant move either way.
9. Relive Your Wedding Night
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Every time I read that less than 40 percent of couples actually have sex on their wedding night, I get irritated. Why? There are a few reasons. The main one is because I know that consummate means “to complete” and so, it’s not your wedding vows that complete the process of a man and a woman becoming husband and wife; the act of intercourse does (which is why people can annul their marriage if consummation didn’t transpire). And so, yes, sex needs to be prioritized, even if the hanging off of the chandelier part ends up happening later on during the honeymoon.
That said, if you happen to be one of the couples who fell into the “more than 60 percent” category as far as consummating your marriage goes, use this Valentine’s Day to relive your wedding night in a way that makes you feel better about how things went down (or rather didn’t go down). On the flip side, if your wedding night was one for the record books, take a walk down memory lane this year because the thing that I just said about nostalgia a second ago? Yeah, it applies to sex, too.
10. Play the Newlywed Game Together
If you want to give Valentine’s Day a shout-out, yet you’d prefer to go the more chill-and-casual route, how about a board game? The Newlywed Game (here) is a fun idea because you can ask each other some of the questions to see how well you know each other at this stage in your relationship. On the other hand, if you’re like me and you prefer to support Black-owned companies as much as possible, there is a game that is literally called Black Love (here) that serves the same purpose — only it’s designed for “us” specifically. Dig that! Then you can order a heart-shaped pizza, sit back, then learn and laugh for hours.
11. Talk About the Moment You Knew They Were “The One”
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I’ve talked about negativity biases before (check out “7 Signs You Have A Toxic Relationship...With Yourself” and “12 Ways To Be Far More Self-Compassionate Every Day”). The basic concept of it is, that research has proven that our brains tend to lean towards negativity more than positivity; that we have to be hella intentional about seeing “the glass half full” so to speak. That said, I have worked with couples long enough to say, loudly and with my chest poked all the way out, that a huge cause of divorce is people forget (or is it ignore?) that negativity bias can apply to how folks interact with their spouse, too.
One way to remove some of that toxicity from your own relationship is to look your partner in the eyes and tell them about the moment that you knew, beyond a shadow of any doubt, that they were the one for you because no matter what the state of your relationship is in right now (check out “This Will Get You Through The 'Ho-Hum Seasons' In Your Relationship” and “The 'Seasons Of Sex' That Married People Go Through”), the reality is that you chose your partner and then made super sacred promises to them.
This means that there are at least a few things that you adore that got you to that point — and they probably need to hear you verbally express them just as much as you probably need to hear yourself say them too.
12. Have a Private Vow Renewal
Formal wedding vow renewals are uber romantic, no doubt about that. When it comes to this particular suggestion, though, no one is saying that you have to go all out. I’m simply recommending that the two of you get dressed up super cute, dig up your wedding vows, and then say them to one another while standing in your living room. You can even take things up a notch by adding some extra things that life together has caused you to want to vow in real time.
It can be something serious, something silly, or something that you secretly know that your man has been hoping and praying that you would “get” about him. Vows are a beautiful thing. And it can be very romantic to revisit them on Valentine’s Day.
13. You Plan a Day Date. He Plans a Night Date.
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If there’s one thing that I hear, both from single men and married men alike, is the reason why they honestly are more than fine with taking a pass on Valentine’s Day altogether is a day that’s supposed to be about celebrating love rarely seems to prioritize the male demographic. Hey, I totally get it. That’s why, one of the things that I oftentimes recommend to couples is that they don’t just settle for one date on that day — and that not only one person should plan how the day goes down either.
For instance, how about you plan a lunch date this year that focuses on things that your husband likes and have him plan a dinner date that does the same thing for you? That way, both individuals can get in on the romance and reciprocity that should come along with Valentine’s Day.
14. Do a “Do Over” Experience
I’m always going to be Team Forgiveness. That said, something else that working with couples has revealed to me is the fact that sometimes people have a hard time letting things go because there is regret (which means remorse and remorse is a good thing) attached, and they don’t know how to move past the embarrassment, guilt or pain surrounding it. You know, whenever someone asks me how they can “make things right” towards someone they have hurt or disappointed, I recommend that they 1) ask them how they can do just that and 2) make an effort to make amends (check out “Heads Up: It's NOT An Apology If An Amends Isn't Made”).
Keeping all of this in mind, if it’s hard to come up with something sweet and lighthearted to do this Valentine’s Day because some regret with your own husband is looming over your head, you can start the healing process and actually make V-Day a great day for him, by making amends. Start by discussing how to “do something over” by trying to correct the situation. While it might not be the most common type of Valentine’s Day approach, it could end up being super effective and beneficial for February 14 and beyond.
15. Go Dark
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Although I can’t recall off the top of my head where I saw it, I once read that the reason why a lot of us like candlelight so much is because it makes us feel warm and safe. As far as romance goes, I think it also makes just about anyone look glowing and radiant, which is always a plus. So, as I close this out, why not shoot your man a text that the two of you should pretend that your electricity went out when you both get home by going with candlelight lighting only for the evening?
Scented ones like vanilla, rose, jasmine, sandalwood, cinnamon, pumpkin, and ylang-ylang are all considered to be aphrodisiacs, and I can’t possibly imagine how having dinner by candlelight, dancing by candlelight, bathing together by candlelight, toasting each other by candlelight — going a few rounds by candlelight wouldn’t be the perfect end to a beautifully romantic and thoughtful Valentine’s Day. Here’s to a very happy and memorable Valentine’s Day, married folks!
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Kayla Nicole says she wore a dress that was once worn by Braxton herself for the Halloween costume. “It’s not a secret Toni is more on the petite side. I’m obsessed with all 5’2” of her,” she tells xoNecole via email. “But I’m 5’10'' and not missing any meals, honey, so to my surprise, when I got the dress and it actually fit, I knew it was destiny.”
The episode was the perfect way for the multihyphenate to take control of her own narrative. By addressing the viral moment on her own platform, she was able to stir the conversation and keep the focus on her adoration for Braxton, an artist she says she grew up listening to and who still makes her most-played playlist every year. Elsewhere, she likely would’ve received questions about whether or not the costume was a subliminal aimed at her ex-boyfriend and his pop star fiancée. “I think that people will try to project their own narratives, right?” she said, hinting at this in the episode. “But, for me personally – I think it’s very important to say this in this moment – I’m not in the business of tearing other women down. I’m in the business of celebrating them.”
Kayla Nicole is among xoNecole’s It Girl 100 Class of 2025, powered by SheaMoisture, recognized in the Viral Voices category for her work in media and the trends she sets on our timelines, all while prioritizing her own mental and physical health. As she puts it: “Yes, I’m curating conversations on my podcast The Pre-Game, and cultivating community with my wellness brand Tribe Therepē.”
Despite being the frequent topic of conversation online, Kayla Nicole says she’s learning to take advantage of her growing social media platform without becoming consumed by it. “I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out,” she says.
On The Pre-Game, which launched earlier this year, she has positioned herself as listeners “homegirl.” “There’s definitely a delicate dance between being genuine and oversharing, and I’ve had to learn that the hard way. Now I share from a place of reflection, not reaction,” she says. “If it can help someone feel seen or less alone, I’ll talk about it within reason. But I’ve certainly learned to protect parts of my life that I cherish most. I share what serves connection but doesn’t cost me peace.
"I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out."
Credit: Malcolm Roberson
Throughout each episode, she sips a cocktail and addresses trending topics (even when they involve herself). It’s a platform the Pepperdine University alumnus has been preparing to have since she graduated with a degree in broadcast journalism, with a concentration in political science.
“I just knew I was going to end up on a local news network at the head anchor table, breaking high speed chases, and tossing it to the weather girl,” she says. Instead, she ended up working as an assistant at TMZ before covering sports as a freelance reporter. (She’s said she didn’t work for ESPN, despite previous reports saying otherwise.) The Pre-Game combines her love for pop culture and sports in a way that once felt inaccessible to her in traditional media.
She’s not just a podcaster, though. When she’s not behind the mic, taking acting classes or making her New York Fashion Week debut, Kayla Nicole is also busy elevating her wellness brand Tribe Therepē, where she shares her workouts and the workout equipment that helps her look chic while staying fit. She says the brand will add apparel to its line up in early 2026.
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Tap into the full It Girl 100 Class of 2025 and meet all the women changing game this year and beyond. See the full list here.
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Meanwhile, frankincense and myrrh originate from the Middle East and Africa (you know, like the Bible does — some folks need to be reminded of that—eh hem — Trumpers) and ginger? It too helps with indigestion (which can definitely creep up at Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner tables); plus, it’s a key ingredient for ginger snaps and gingerbread houses. So, as you can see, holiday-themed scents have a rhyme and reason to them.
Tying this all in together — several years ago, I penned an article for the platform entitled, “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry ‘Christmas Sex’?” Well, in the spirit of revisiting some of that content, with a bit of a twist, I decided to broach some traditional holiday scents from the perspective of which ones will do your libido a ton of good from now through New Year’s Eve (check out “Make This Your Best NYE. For Sex. EVER.”).
Are you ready to check some of them out, so that, whether it’s via a candle, a diffuser, some essential oil, or some DIY body cream (check out “How To Incorporate All Five Senses To Have The Best Sex Ever”), you can bring some extra festive ambiance into your own boudoir? Excellent.
1. Vanilla
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When it comes to holiday desserts, you’re going to be hard-pressed to find recipes that don’t include vanilla — and that alone explains why it is considered to be a traditional holiday scent. As far as your libido goes, vanilla is absolutely considered to be an aphrodisiac — partly because its sweet scent is considered to be very sensual. Some studies even reveal that vanillin (the active ingredient in vanilla) is able to increase sexual arousal and improve erectile dysfunction in men. So, if you adore the smell, here is more incentive to use it.
2. Frankincense
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Although, typically, when people think about frankincense (and myrrh), it’s in the context of the gifts that the wise men brought Christ after he was born; it’s a part of the biblical Christmas story. However, frankincense goes much deeper than that. Sexually, since it has an earthy and spicy scent, some people like to use it to meditate (check out “What Exactly Is 'Orgasmic Meditation'?”). Also, since it has the ability to put you in a better mood, soothe and soften your skin and maintain your oral health — with the help of frankincense, every touch and kiss can be that much…sexier.
3. Cinnamon
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I already gave cinnamon a shout-out in the intro. Personally, I’ve been a fan of it, in the sex department, for a long time now (check out “12 ‘Sex Condiments’ That Can Make Coitus Even More...Delicious”). When it’s in oil form, it can be very sweet to the taste while sending a warm sensation throughout the body — which is why the giver and receiver of oral sex can benefit from its usage. Beyond that, cinnamon helps to increase blood flow to your genital region, elevate sexual desire and, some studies say that it can even help improve fertility. Beautiful.
4. Peppermint
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If there’s a signature candy for the holiday season, it’s probably a candy cane — which automatically puts peppermint in the running for being an official holiday scent. Pretty much, in any form, it’s got your sex life’s back because it’s hailed as being a sexual stimulant; in part, because its smell is so invigorating. Plus, it helps to (eh hem) ease headaches, it gives you more energy and it can definitely help to freshen your breath. Also, that minty sensation? The same thing that I said about cinnamon can apply to peppermint too (if you catch my drift).
5. Ginger
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Whether it’s in a meal or in your bedroom, ginger is going to produce results that are hella spicy. On the sex tip, science has praised ginger for being able to increase sexual arousal, improve blood circulation (which intensifies orgasms) and strengthen fertility for many years. Scent-wise, I find it to be one that both men and women enjoy because it is both woodsy and sweet. So, if you’ve got some massage oil in mind, adding some ginger is a way to please you both.
6. Pomegranate
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September through December is the time of year when pomegranates are considered to be in season. And, as someone who is a Rosh Hashanah observer, I have a personal adoration for them because I am aware of the various things that they symbolize in Hebrew culture including the fact that they are a fruit that represents love and fertility. So yeah, they would absolutely be an aphrodisiac — one that is perfect for this time of the year. While consuming it helps to boost testosterone levels in both men and women, the floral bittersweet smell that it produces can help to reduce stress while promoting relaxation (like most floral scents do) — and the more relaxed you are, the easier it is to climax.
7. Nutmeg
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Another signature seasoning during the holiday season is nutmeg. It’s perfect in Thanksgiving sweet potato (or pumpkin) pie and Christmas morning French toast. And yes, it can also make your sex life better. If you consume it, it can intensify your libido and, overall, its warm-meets-spicy-meets-sweet smell is so inviting that it is considered to be a pretty seductive scent.
8. Cloves
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I ain’t got not one lie to tell you — if you’ve got a toothache, put some clove oil on that bad boy and send me a Christmas present for putting you on game. Aside from that, as I round all of this out, cloves are another holiday scent that can do wonders for your sex life. For men, it has the ability to significantly increase sexual arousal and improve stamina and endurance. For men and women alike, it also has a reputation for strengthening sexual desire. And for women solely? Well, if you want an all-natural way to increase natural lubrication down below — the scent and and feel (in DILUTED oil form) can make that happen. It can make the holidays especially special…if you know what I mean.
Ah yes — the atmosphere of the holidays and what it can do.
Take it all in! Scent ‘n whatever stimulating that comes with it! #wink
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