The New Year has finally arrived after the wild ride that was 2020. This month we've got Mars finally shifting out of impulsive Aries after a six-month stint into down-to-earth Taurus for the next couple of months, gifting us with a more grounded, steady approach to our 2021 resolutions. When Venus and the Moon meet up in Capricorn, it's time to get serious, whether that's taking a relationship to the next level or committing to that new career goal. The middle of the month could shake things up once Uranus goes direct. Towards the end of the month, things are getting a little weird with our first Mercury Retrograde of the year. Read more to see how this month's cosmic blueprint affects your zodiac sign!
Aries
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleThe New Year starts off on a high note with Mars leaving your sign and transitioning into Taurus to help mellow you out. When Mars enters Taurus on the 6th, you're taking a slow and steady pace towards your financial goals. On the 8th, Mercury shifts into Aquarius reigniting the flame of passion towards your dreams. Rally the troops, Aries. There are people that can't wait to be a part of what you're creating! When Venus and the Moon meet up on the 13th, you're attracting positive feedback from an influential figure that could help boost your own social status through an opportunity extended to you.
On the 14th, Uranus goes direct which could require you to switch up your approach to making money. Don't limit your abundance by pigeon-holing yourself into one lane when you have the ability to expand in other directions. When Jupiter squares this part of your chart you're encouraged to embrace the changing tide guiding you toward a new tribe. Aquarius season officially begins on the 19th, assisting you in making new friends and growing your social media following. The Full Moon on the 28th invites you to nurture your inner child by going on an adventure or doing something creative. Some of you may even announce a pregnancy around this time. January winds down with Mercury going retrograde, giving you a chance to revisit some old connections that may have the potential to be integrated into your life again.
Taurus
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleJanuary begins with Mars transitioning into your sign after a six-month long stint in Aries. Over the next couple of months, you'll have a lot more energy to get things done with a slow and steady approach. When Mercury enters Aquarius, you're focused on strategizing your way up the career ladder. On the 13th, Venus meets up with the Moon which could have you attracting romance from overseas or from someone who is culturally different from you. When it comes to finances, imports and exports are on the brain as you come up with some ways to work around the current shipping delays.
Uranus goes direct on the 14th which could have you feeling a little agitated. Be mindful of your temper leading up to Jupiter squaring off with Uranus on the 17th. Either your supervisor, or someone in a position of authority, is getting on your last nerve. Don't let them take you there! On the 19th, the Sun enters Aquarius which could have you receiving recognition for handling a recent career challenge with such grace. The Full Moon on the 28th could stir up some tension within the home environment or family unit. Take a deep breath and count to ten before responding. The month closes with Mercury going retrograde, inviting you to reassess your strategy for success. Work smarter, not harder.
Gemini
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleThe New Year kicks off with Mars entering Taurus on the 6th which could have your energy levels lower than usual. Avoid doing the most during this transit and pace yourself when it comes to achieving your goals in the year ahead. When Venus and the New Moon meet up on the 13th, financial support lands in your lap from an unexpected source. On the 14th, Uranus stations direct after disrupting your subconscious for the past five months. The greatest revolution is our personal, inner transformation. When Jupiter squares this part of your chart, you may feel like someone is trying to enforce their way onto you as if they're some Higher Power. Avoid getting sucked into their drama of self-righteousness and continue along your own path.
The Sun enters Aquarius on the 19th, encouraging you to expand your horizons and making this a good time to go back to school or sign up for that workshop to refine your knowledge. On the 28th, the Full Moon motivates you to use your gift of gab to catapult you into the spotlight. It's your time to shine, superstar! January winds down with your ruling planet going retrograde, making it a good time to review any travel plans, study material, or written work to make sure everything is in order. If you're taking a trip, make sure to arrive at the airport earlier than usual to avoid delays!
Cancer
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleYou can finally breathe a sigh of relief now that Mars has exited fellow cardinal sign Aries and transitioned into slow and steady Taurus. The troops are rallying around in support of you so make sure you're using your social network to your advantage. When Mercury shifts into Aquarius, you're focused on analyzing your emotional landscape which could have you feeling a bit disconnected from others. On the 8th, Venus enters Capricorn which has you considering a long-term commitment with your current partner. If you're single, the New Moon on the 13th could orchestrate a fated encounter with someone who will be significant to you in the year ahead.
On the 14th, Uranus goes direct which could be the lucky break you've been waiting for to catapult your brand or business to the next level. Unfortunately, with your success comes jealousy from those intimidated by your will power to make sh*t happen. The Sun enters Aquarius on the 19th, inviting you to take a more objective look at some of the painful experiences you typically cling to, but this energy helps you healthily detach that old sob story. The Full Moon on the 28th helps you resolve any financial issues by clearing out debt and those frivolous spending habits you've developed during the quarantine. January wraps up with Mercury going retrograde, guiding you to uncover another layer of your healing process.
Leo
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleThere's a lot of action taking place for your sign this mont,h starting off with Mars transitioning into Taurus which has you feeling the pressure to make an impression within your chosen career path. When Mercury enters Aquarius on the 8th, you're having some important conversations with a significant other, business partner, or employer. On the 13th, Venus links up with the New Moon in Capricorn inviting you to get more disciplined when it comes to your health. A new workout plan could be just what you need to jumpstart your fitness resolutions.
Lay low around the 14th as there will likely be a bit of a shake up when Uranus stations direct. Between your boss and your spouse, you may feel like you've had enough of everyone's demands when Jupiter squares Uranus on the 17th. The Sun enters Aquarius on the 19th, encouraging you to partner up with more like-minded people that can help you achieve your dreams. The Full Moon in your sign on the 28th is a great time to reveal your new hairstyle or ensemble you've been dying to show off. The month winds down with our first Mercury retrograde of the year giving you a chance to revise existing contracts and agreements so they serve all parties involved.
Virgo
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleAfter a crazy 2020, you're still feeling pretty optimistic about the New Year, thanks to Mars finally letting up on the gas in Aries and transitioning into Taurus on the 6th. Over the next couple of months, your energy will be exerted towards higher learning, international affairs, and long-distance travel. When Venus and the New Moon meet up in Capricorn, you're feeling the romance in the air. Work can wait another day. Schedule some time to cuddle with bae or have a coffee date with a new suitor. On the 14th, Uranus goes direct, gifting you a much-needed "a-ha" moment about something that has been holding up your spiritual growth.
Be mindful of how much time you're spending on online—whether you're researching your latest topic of interest or casually scrolling through Twitter. When Jupiter squares Uranus on the 17th, you could be experiencing technology burnout. Close your laptop and put your phone on DND for a day. On the 19th, the Sun enters Aquarius encouraging you to find a community to hold you accountable for your health and fitness goals. The Full Moon on the 28th motivates you to wrap up a cycle in which you've been dimming your shine. January comes to a close with Mercury going retrograde, inviting you to revisit an old routine that contributed to a more balanced lifestyle.
Libra
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleThe New Year kicks off with Mars entering Taurus, directing your energy towards healing emotional wounds and traumas that affected your self-esteem. On the 8th, Mercury enters Aquarius encouraging you to indulge in some romance. If you're single, you could actually wind up getting lucky on a dating app over the next few weeks. When Venus and the New Moon meet up in Capricorn, you're setting new foundations with some long-term investments, making this the perfect time to buy a new home or rental property.
Uranus goes direct on the 14th which could cause some emotional disruptions, especially when Jupiter squares this part of your chart on the 17th. You'll be a little more sensitive around this time so be gentle with yourself and avoid harsh people that ruffle your feathers. On the 19th, the Sun enters Aquarius, reminding you to let your freak flag fly. Most people know you to be prim and proper but it's time to let your wild side out to give voice to your creative genius. The Full Moon on the 28th could be a time of sudden growth, especially if you're an aspiring influencer. January wraps up with Mercury going retrograde and some former romantic interests hitting you up in your DMs.
Scorpio
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleJanuary is packed with a lot of action for you this month, starting out with Mars entering Taurus which has you directing your energy towards relationships, business partnerships, and contractual agreements. Over the next couple of months, you could find yourself solidifying more solid connections, whether professionally or romantically. When Mercury enters Aquarius, home and family matters receive much of your attention. On the 13th, Venus nestles up with the New Moon in Capricorn which has you on the receiving end of some important communications about your career and finances.
A minor shake up in a significant partnership can occur when Uranus goes direct on the 14th. When Jupiter squares this part of your chart, be mindful of reacting strongly to other people's annoying behavior. The Sun enters Aquarius on the 19th, encouraging you to redefine what family means for you. Planning for renovations or a relocation is also supported. You could be celebrating a long-awaited career breakthrough around the Full Moon in Leo. See where hard work and consistent effort gets you? The month comes to a close with Mercury going retrograde. Avoid signing a lease or closing on a house until mid-March to avoid issues later down the line.
Sagittarius
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleThe New Year kicks off with you setting some intentions to improve your health when Mars enters Taurus on the 6th. Although this is a time in which you'll likely want to lean into what makes you comfortable, you're encouraged to create some new habits and routines that truly support your well-being. When Mercury enters Aquarius, you're strategizing ways to expand your reach on within your local community, making this a good time to embrace your humanitarian side. On the 13th, Venus meets up with the Moon in Capricorn, helping you attract a new opportunity that will help you achieve more long-lasting financial security.
When Jupiter squares Uranus on the 17th, be mindful of erratic communication, particularly with people in the workplace. With these planets duking it out in fixed signs, there could be a clash of opinions. Do your best to handle it with grace. On the 20th, the Sun enters Aquarius, making this a great time to work on that novel, blog, or website you want to launch. Revamping your social media aesthetic is also favorable during this time. The Full Moon on the 28th illuminates your path through some sort of spiritual breakthrough. The month wraps up with Mercury going retrograde, giving you a chance to make some final touches for your big debut.
Capricorn
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleCreativity and romance are lighting up your world when Mars enters Taurus on the 6th. If you've been wanting to start a project, now is the time to get to work. Just make sure to carve out some time for your inner child to play as well. When Venus enters your sign on the 8th, your personal magnetism has you on the receiving end of some amazing opportunities that can help you establish long-term wealth. The New Moon on the 13th invites you to reinvent yourself in some way, making this the perfect time for a new hairstyle or an overhaul of your wardrobe.
Around the middle of the month, Uranus goes direct, resulting in a pleasant surprise from a romantic suitor or someone that admires your creative gifts. You never know who's watching you these days. When Jupiter squares Uranus on the 17th, be mindful of making erratic decisions about your money. Aquarius season officially begins on the 19th, encouraging you to explore innovative ways to get in your bag. The Full Moon on the 28th motivates you to overcome any fears of standing out from the crowd. January wraps up with Mercury going retrograde, making this a good time to reassess your budget, debt, and savings plan.
Aquarius
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleJanuary is packed with action for you this month starting off with Mars directing your energy towards your home environment. The next couple of months invite you to indulge in your creature comforts. When Mercury enters your sign on the 8th, life is getting busy and everybody wants to be all up in your business. Don't be afraid to use the DND option on your phone when you need a break. On the 14th, Uranus goes direct which may require you to think on your toes if a sudden change arises on the home front. Emotions may be on edge when Jupiter squares Uranus so be mindful of family drama around this time.
Your birthday season officially begins when the Sun enters your sign on the 19th. It's time to reintroduce the world to the new you. The first quarter moon in Taurus helps you smooth out any tension that may have occurred with your family or roommates. A significant relationship or business partnership could be going through some changes as you choose to strike out on your own. The month comes to a close with Mercury retracing its steps through your sign, giving you the opportunity to double-back on an important conversation that was left open-ended.
Pisces
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleThe month begins with Mars directing your energy towards all of the amazing money-making ideas you've had lately but lacked the vitality to follow through on. Roll up your sleeves and get to work. Your disciplined effort can have you seeing big results in a short amount of time. When Venus enters Capricorn, you could find yourself attracting a lot of attention online, making this an opportune time to gather supporters for your dream team. The New Moon on the 13th encourages you to shoot for the stars and surround yourself with people that truly want to see you succeed.
On the 14th, Uranus goes direct which could have you striking gold with a genius idea. When the Sun enters Aquarius take some time to disconnect from the daily grind to reconnect with your Higher Power. The Full Moon on the 28th could reveal some hidden motives from someone in the workplace but it's nothing you can't handle with some nice, assertive boundaries or a simple "No, thanks. I'm not interested." January wraps up with our first Mercury Retrograde of the year inviting you to tie up loose ends so you can start your new solar year baggage-free.
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In an xoNecole exclusive, the mom of two opened up about many things, including starting her wellness journey at 13 years old. However, a near-death experience during a procedure at 20 made her start taking her health more seriously.
“There's so many different levels, and now, I'm in a space of just integrating all of this good stuff that I've learned just about just being human, you know?” Dreka tells us. “So it's also fun because it's like a journey of self-discovery and self-mastery. That's what I call it. So it's never-ending.”
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If you follow Dreka, then you’re familiar with her holistic lifestyle, as she’s no stranger to promoting wellness, self-care, and holistic living. She even lives part-time on a Mississippi farm, not far from her grandmother and great-grandmother’s farm, where she spent some summers as a child.
While her grandmother and great-grandmother have passed on, Dreka reflects on that time in her life and how having a farm as an adult is her getting back to her roots. “So the farm was purchased back in 2017, and it was like, ah, that'll just be a place where we go when we're not touring or whatever,” she said.
“But COVID hit, and I was there, and I was on the land, and I just started remembering back to going to my grandmother's during the summertime and freaking picking peas and going and eating mulberries off the freaking tree in the bushes.
“And she literally had cotton plants. I know some people feel weird about picking cotton and stuff. She had cotton plants and I would go and pick cotton out of her garden. And she had chickens, and I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots.”
"I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots."
You can catch glimpses of Dreka’s farm life on Instagram, which shows her picking fruit and vegetables and loving on her animals like her camel Eessa. Her passion for growing and cultivating led her to try and grow all of her ingredients for her wellness brand, Dreka Wellness. However, she quickly realized that she might be biting off more than she could chew. But that didn’t stop her from fulfilling her vision.
Watch below as Dreka talks more about her business, her wellness tips, breaking toxic cycles, becoming a doula, and more.
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As far as the dating apps that led to some type of long-term success, a survey from The Knot says that Hinge leads the pack (with 35 percent) followed by Tinder (with 25 percent). Then, if you take into account a Lovehoney survey of 2000 people, which revealed that 60 percent of men and 42 percent of women have admitted to having sex on the first date — uh-huh, now do you see why a piece like this is both relevant and necessary?
Virtual dating isn’t going anywhere any time soon, and although “first date sex” used to be somewhat taboo, clearly, that isn’t even close to being the case anymore. So, since both are a big part of our culture, let’s explore how to approach merging the two (if you’ve been wondering if you should…that is).
What’s the Purpose/Agenda of a First Date?
GiphyOkay, so let’s start by laying a bit of foundation because, personally, I am a big believer that when we don’t know the purpose of something, it’s almost guaranteed that on some level and in some way, we are going to either misuse or abuse it — dating is no exception. And what’s the purpose of a first date?
To get to know if there is more of a connection than just an initial attraction or surface-level chemistry (check out “What's The Difference Between Chemistry And Compatibility?”). And honestly, that’s why all of the social media debates about women expecting a $200 date off the rip and men expecting sex in return if that does indeed go down are nothing short of nauseating to me. ON BOTH SIDES, all it sounds like is a transactional hustle.
Nothing about that type of motive says, “I’m trying to see if there is something real here;” both are about nothing more than how much juice is in the squeeze (and that’s putting it politely — SMDH).
Although there are dozens of reasons why I think dating has become so chaotic for a lot of people these days, here are two of the main ones as it relates to this article in particular:
1) More people need to remember what author M. Scott Peck once said, "Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it." When it comes to first dates, specifically, that’s why I don’t get what all of the drama is behind coffee dates. While TikTok is telling you that agreeing to those means that you are settling, if you value your time, you absolutely aren’t — especially if there have been no real conversations prior to the initial meet-up.
A coffee date or drinks after work doesn’t say, “He’s cheap,” so much as, “If there’s something here, then we can build on that. If there’s not, you got 30 minutes of my time; no harm, no foul.” Time is something that you can never get back, so why waste it? Besides, if you feel the need to brag about going on an expensive dinner, go out with some of your girls, and y’all split the tab.
At least you’ll know that you’re going to have a good time because you actually know those people (by the way, if that triggers you, that already reveals a lot, as far as your motives are concerned). No one should need a date to validate them — especially a first date. If they do, there’s some stuff going on that a date, a man nor a relationship is going to fix (just sayin’).
2) Talk to the long-term couples who are 50+ (if they’re 50, that now means they were in college in the early 90s, by the way). Ask them about what dating was like when they were younger and single. I’m wiling to bet that, for one thing, expensive ass first dates weren’t even on their radar, and two, it was rare that they went out with someone before talking to them, at least a couple of times on the phone.
Yep, as semi-antiquated as it may sound in the world that we live in now, it was pretty standard that if you saw a stranger who caught your attention, you would get their number, talk on the phone to see how the two of you vibe and then some successful conversations down the line, if you both believed that something was there between the two of you, you would mutually decide to go on a date.
And because some type of foundation was already laid, if the first date did end up going beyond just coffee or drinks, it was because the two of you had already invested time — you already knew that you wanted more. And honestly, to me, that is one of the benefits of virtual dating or talking on the phone for a couple of weeks before going on a first date — you can actually get to know someone…beyond what you can get out of them.
“Sex on the First Date” Has Levels to It
GiphyAnd when you take into account all of what I just said, it seems to me that there are two kinds of “sex on the first date” scenarios that should be pondered. One is the kind where you meet someone, text each other about a place to meet up, get to know each other for 1-2 hours max, and then go back to somebody’s place to get it in. The other is when you meet someone and, whether online or by phone, you both decide to ease into things by talking first…for a while. Then, after an awesome first date, sex comes naturally to both of you.
And how long is a while? I mean, because this platform is for women — until you feel safe. Until you have asked the kind of questions that make you feel like you want to spend more time with him on a deeper level. Until you get that his intentions aren’t just shallow…or physical. Until you know that you aren’t just attracted to him — you know that there are things about his personality and character that you actually like. Until you want to go on a first date.
And unless the two of you are talking for 2-3 hours a day, every day, for a week straight, you can’t really come to this kind of conclusion in record time. It may take a few weeks or even a few months — and that is perfectly fine. Someone who wants to know you for you is going to be okay with communication being set as the foundation of the relationship that the two of you are potentially building anyway, so…by the time that you both decide to meet up for a first date, it will be the icing on the cake.
And, because you actually like him for him, the kind of date that he plans, you won’t be grading it based on nothing more than the price tag; it’s a win for all parties involved.
Okay, so if you do decide to go the route of a “slow build,” you do take your time before a first date, and then you do decide to have sex with him — does it constitute as “first date sex”? I mean, technically, probably. However, the reputation of first-date sex is someone is getting to know everything about you (you know what I mean) without knowing much about you at all. On the other hand, when you opt to communicate for some time before a first date (and the sex that follows), it’s not so casual…and yes, that makes it — different.
3 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Sleeping with Anyone New
GiphyNow that I hope I’ve brought some peace of mind to if it’s a standard “sex on the first date” type of situation if you’ve been virtually hanging out with someone for a while, let’s talk about some of the main things that you should consider before having sex with anyone who you are beginning to interact with on a physical level.
What is the energy like?
One day, I’m going to write about how true it is that energy is exchanged during sex. A big part of the reason is that we are sources of energy — and honestly, the kind of energy that you experience with someone when you’re not in their physical presence vs. when you actually are? It tends to be quite different.
Therefore, it’s a good idea to intentionally “tap in” to see what kind of vibes are exchanged when you’re around each other before deciding to take it there because there is a possibility that how you feel about someone in person may be different than how you do online or over the phone.
What type of sexual accountability conversations have you had?
One of the biggest mistakes that people make is thinking that real life is a soap opera or a rom-com — for instance, you can have sex, and there be no real consequences. Chile, please.
Don’t ever put yourself in the position where you think that the two of you connect so well that you shouldn’t talk about how often you both get tested, what your approaches are to birth control, what your sexual deal-breakers are, and what your sexual expectations may be.
And listen, if all of this seems like too much for a first date, then you already have your answer about if you should have sex after the first date…RIGHT? Because how is it that you don’t want to get into his mind, yet you’re okay with him getting inside of you? Nope. Uh-uh. Nada.
What would sex on the first date accomplish?
Back when I used to mentor teen moms in public schools here in Nashville, I would always call them out whenever they told me that unprotected sex “just happened.” NO. IT. DOES. NOT. There are so many steps involved, from calling the person, setting up a plan, meeting up, pulling off clothes, etc. — all of us have plenty of opportunities to rethink what we are doing. Same goes for first-date sex.
Listen, no matter how much you are feeling the guy from communicating before the date and even more once you meet him, take the time to ask yourself, “What will sex right now accomplish?” An accomplishment is something that brings about credibility. An accomplishment is something that makes you feel fulfilled. An accomplishment is something that causes you to believe that you achieved something great.
That said, if all you’re after is a good time and maybe an orgasm, perhaps sex on the first date will be an accomplishment for you. However, if after starting off solid with this new guy, if you’re not sure what sex will accomplish, in the grand scheme of things, pause until you know. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that — and the right guy for you will agree.
____
Bottom line, if it’s a first real date and you do have sex after it, yes — you just had sex on a first date. Although, when there has been a foundation built prior to it, via healthy communication…it’s less risky and something that you (typically) can feel more confident about — especially if you take all of what I just said into (serious) account.
Sis, when it comes to giving any of yourself to someone new — online or not — please make sure that you do.
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