

To be successful, you must live a life that is aligned with God's purpose for you.
Often in life, we tend to ignore our purpose because of fear. We slave at jobs that are unfulfilling, and we spend our days, working to live out someone else's dreams. When you do work that is not destined for you, it is believed that you will never be as satisfied, happy, and successful as you can be if you were doing work that YOU were created to do.
I recently sat down with entrepreneur and boss babe, Arian Simone, who is living proof that when you don't do work that was created purely for you, things will not fully work out and you won't be as happy as you can be. Arian is the CEO of Arian Simone Enterprises and the mastermind behind the upcoming 3-day Fearless Reloaded conference in Atlanta which aims to inspire women to live fulfilled, confident, bold lives while making a positive impact on the world. But before becoming the founder and CEO of her own enterprise, she was jobless, homeless, and was in a financial hell hole.
Related: The Budgetnista: Tiffany Aliche Shares How She Went From A 547 Credit Score to Over 800
With Arian's fearless attitude and her life mantra of "If there is a will, there is a way," she was able to go from being homeless to living out her dreams and life destiny. In 30 minutes, Arian taught me what I like to call her 6 secrets to success that we can all benefit from knowing.
Secret #1: Don't pursue a career just because it will be convenient and easy.
In college, I did a five-year MBA program while running my own business. Even before college, I've always had an entrepreneurial spirit. Before owning my own business, a fashion boutique, I was in real estate, and in high school I sold Mary Kay.
The boutique Arian owned in college
When I was preparing to graduate, I became so used to entrepreneurship and I knew the ups and downs that entrepreneurship could have. I decided then that I didn't want the instability that could come from being an entrepreneur. I decided to just go get a job because I felt it would be more safe, convenient, and easy. But girl was I wrong. I did that I ended up in more hell from that than I ever had when I owned a store or any business. After college, I moved to LA and decided to ignore my entrepreneurial spirit and work for someone else. Unfortunately, just after 30 days of working there, I was laid off because the company got sold. With the job loss, I also became homeless with no money.
During this moment, I realized that people either come to a place in their life and have to surrender by choice or force, and for me it was by force because I had no choice. I learned how important it was to stay aligned with God's purpose. A lot of times when we venture off and take shortcuts (or an easier route) from what we were destined to do, chaos will come come into our lives. I learned that while living any life will have its ups and downs, your ups will always outweigh your downs and your good will always outweigh your bad in the event that you are doing what you are created to do. So when I tried to take a shortcut in that moment of my life, it created hell and I realized I should've kept being an entrepreneur. But no, I wanted to go get a 'regular job', get something stable, and do something that would keep my mother assured. But it was hell. It was truly a living hell. When people hear this story, they always say 'oh you just overcame it', but really I just got align with what I was created to do - which is being a business owner. And once that moment happened, things started to work for me in my favor.
Secret #2: Use the gifts that you were given and good things will happen.
Wherever I'm at, I always make the best of my experience, use my gifts, and have a fearless attitude. When I first went on tour with Chris Brown to be a publicist, I had no idea that I had to publicly speak. I thought that I could just do book interviews, radio broadcasts, check ticket sales, and just work at that capacity. Now I love to talk, I can talk to you all day, but I had no clue that I would have to moderate and speak by ad-libbing and performing on cue.
During the tour, Chris came up with this idea to speak at high schools and middle schools and he said that I would need to give an introduction, speak, and moderate the Q&A periods. At first I was a little uncomfortable because I wasn't expecting it, but I did my best and delivered.
Secret #3: When things get tough, push through anyway.
While I was homeless and unemployed, my parents were still in Detroit (which is where I am from). Even though going back home would have been the easy way out, I stayed in LA. My motivation was that home doesn't provide a better opportunity for me. My parents were going through a horrible divorce and were low on money, so it was either be broke there or here [in LA]. Had I went home, I would have been on my mother's couch and she was already struggling. It would've just been a mess and I would've been a burden to her. I wouldn't have been able to strike big.
Secret #4: You should never feel like you are stuck to a career.
In your career or life, you are not stuck.
If you think like this, the first step would be re-positioning your thinking because you current situation doesn't dictate your future. Nobody is holding a gun to your head, saying you have to stay where you are at. You are letting your mind condition you to think that you have to be a slave to a check and that your life and security is dependent on being at that job or having a certain career. The next step would be to create a plan or an exit strategy before leaving the place that you feel stuck at. So if you know you make $55,000 a year but desire leaving your job, you know you will need a good exit strategy. This exit strategy would need an income of about $5,000 a month to transition seamlessly so that you don't have any of the hiccups that I had when I got laid off. Your first strategy may you want to go talk to HR and see if they can outsource you at your job, but also keep you on salary. Outsourcing is a write off for the company, and they can still have you doing what you are doing. The only difference is now you have the freedom of working from home and the flexibility to start whatever this new venture is that you want or go do something else that you desire.
Another secret for this is figure out what you want to do, and then find someone to pay you to do it. Let's say you love to be a cartoonist or paint, there is someone that will pay you to do it.
Secret #5: Don't rush special moments and always take advantage of all networking experiences and resources.
When I think about the advice that I would give college students that want to own their own business in school, I would say that I wouldn't recommend it. If you want your own business, I think you should use your time in college to prepare for that, but I don't recommend to operate in full execution mode like I was. Doing so was definitely a big much - I had a brick and mortar business and I was open during mall hours which are 9am-8pm. This takes things to a whole new level for me, especially because I was a full-time student as well. I feel like I kinda rushed things and my college experience. I should have been more in that collegiate state - not that I have any regrets, but there are so much in the college experience that you can benefit from. College is such a short, precious time, and you should be able to absorb it all.
Arian Simone's boutique while in college.
During your time in college, I recommend that people take advantage of everything, including the networking and resources. College is like a huge networking incubator full of opportunity and creatives. Somewhere on the campus, there is a budding graphic artist, photographer, you name it. You should be figuring out how to collaborate with them and build relationships. A lot of successful businesses nowadays stem from those college experiences, and sometimes don't start until after college.
Secret #6: As a manager, learn how to hire smarter and better.
As a manager, you always want to hire great talent. That is key. One of my favorite producers says always “cast behind the scenes as well as on the team." You definitely want to have people that are not just good, but they have to fit in with the culture of your business. Also, as you are selecting your team, you definitely want to make sure they are aligned with the vision of your business.
Currently through her enterprise, Arian is managing her successful subscription box business. When she is not curating lifestyle boxes, she uses her personal brand and hold fearless discussions about being transparent in today's society and pop culture.
She is also known for her motivational speaking and has spoken at Dartmouth College, Purdue University, Howard University, FAMU, and a host of others. Arian has also spoken at major events such as Dwyane Wade's Wades World Youth Summit, MegaFest, and the Delta Sigma Theta National Convention just to name a few. Through her philanthropic efforts, she uses her life as an example and serves as the Founder of the Live Your Dreams Foundation, which empowers women and girls to live a fearless and fulfilled life.
What are you doing today that will shape your tomorrow?
'Sistas' Star Skyh Black On The Power Of Hypnotherapy & Emotional Vulnerability For Men
In this insightful episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Sistas star Skyh Black, as he opened up about his journey of emotional growth, resilience, and self-discovery. The episode touches on emotional availability, self-worth, masculinity, and the importance of therapy in overcoming personal struggles.
Skyh Black on Emotional Availability & Love
On Emotional Availability & Vulnerability
“My wife and I wouldn't be where we are today if both of us weren't emotionally available,” he shared about his wife and Sistas co-star KJ Smith, highlighting the value of vulnerability and emotional openness in a relationship. His approach to masculinity stands in contrast to the traditional, stoic ideals. Skyh is not afraid to embrace softness as part of his emotional expression.
On Overcoming Self-Doubt & Worthiness Issues
Skyh reflected on the self-doubt and worthiness issues that he struggled with, especially early in his career. He opens up about his time in Los Angeles, living what he calls the “LA struggle story”—in a one-bedroom with three roommates—and being homeless three times over the span of 16 years. “I always had this self-sabotaging thought process,” Skyh said. “For me, I feel therapy is essential, period. I have a regular therapist and I go to a hypnotherapist.”
How Therapy Helped Him Heal From Self-Doubt
On Hypnotherapy & Empowering Self-Acceptance
Skyh’s journey is a testament to the power of tapping into self-development despite life’s struggles and being open to growth. “I had to submit to the fact that God was doing good in my life, and that I'm worthy of it. I had a worthiness issue and I did not realize that. So, that’s what the hypnotherapy did. It brought me back to the core. What is wrong so that I can fix it?”
Watch the full podcast episode below:
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Pack A Travel Case With These 12 Items For Amazing 'Summer Vacation Sex'
It’s kind of funny that while I’m literally in the process of writing this article, the Los Angeles Times published “How to get lucky on your family vacation” hours prior. LOL. Although this year marks a bit of a dip in the amount of Americans who plan on taking a summer vacation (because this administration ain’t making coin-keeping easy, y’all) — it’s still being reported that around 53 percent will do so in the name of rest, relaxation and spending quality time with their loved ones.
And for many, the loved ones category absolutely includes their bae. And if that is the case, that probably means that sex is somewhere on the menu.
Yep. I actually read one survey (that consisted of 2,000 people) that said folks tend to have twice as much sex while they are on vacation than they do when they’re at home. It makes sense too when you factor in that you have less to do (unless you’re traveling with those folks who act like you need an itinerary for every damn thing — and we all know one…SMDH), which makes you less stressed out, which makes it easier to feel sexy and to want to get sexual.
And so, in the spirit of that indeed being the case, I want to make sure that you carve out a corner of your suitcase or carry-on to include at least half of the following 12 things that are on this list — things that can help to make “summer vacation sex”…that much hotter, y’all.
1. Edible-Grade Sunscreen
It can’t be said enough that, no matter how melanated you may be, your skin needs sunscreen. Not only to protect yourself from the risk of skin cancer (which 1 in 5 Americans will get in their lifetime) but from premature aging that can come from sun damage too. That said, if the urge arises to have sex outside somewhere, I did find some edible-grade sunscreen, in case you’re either worried about what sex in the sun will do to your skin or how all of the chemicals in sunscreen will affect your (digestive) system. The company is called Sky & Sol and you can read up on them here.
2. Flavored Lip Balm
If you’ve ever wondered why your lips are so susceptible to being chapped, it’s because they don’t contain any oil glans to keep them moisturized. This is especially important to keep in mind when the weather is extremely cold or hot because that can do a real number on the sensitive skin that your lips are made out of. That’s why it’s essential to stay well-hydrated and to also keep some lip balm in tow. Lip balm is especially designed to moisturize your lips, reduce chapping, exfoliate, soothe irritation and protect your lips from UV damage. As a bonus, lip balm will also help to keep your lips super soft and kissable; especially if you get the flavored kind. #wink
3. Condoms
I’m still out here, literally shaking my damn head, that reportedly, only one-third of men and one-fourth of women use condoms (and even many of those folks don’t do it consistently). It can’t be said enough that if you’re not in a monogamous (married) or exclusive (dating) relationship where you both are getting regularly tested and are on some other form of birth control (unless you want to get pregnant) — you absolutely should be using condoms and, as a woman, you should not solely rely on your partner to have some that are ready and available.
Not just because you should be responsible for your body and health but because not all condoms are made equal, so you should bring along some that you prefer/enjoy. If you’d like a lil’ help picking those out, check out “These Are The Kinds Of Condoms Your Vagina Would Actually Prefer.”
4. Crotchless Swimsuit
Packing some sexy lingerie? I certainly hope that goes without saying. If you’ve got a hot tub around, though and you want to “get it in” without getting totally naked (so that nosey people won’t see every damn thing), you do know that there are some crotchless swimsuits out in these streets, right? An example of one is here. Of course, you can always do what Beyoncé said in “Drunk in Love” and just move ish over to the side but…I’m just giving you another creative option…if you wanted one.
5. Blindfolds
If you’d like to cultivate an atmosphere of mystery or anticipation, a simple blindfold will do the trick. There is another reason why I think they are great for summer vacation (sex) trips, though — if your hotel room doesn’t come with blackout curtains and you want to have a quickie or two without the room being so bright, putting on a blindfold can solve that “problem” too.
6. Waterproof Sex Toys
Who said that you have to wait until you get to your hotel room to engage in some foreplay? If you bring a couple of sex toys around, you can tease each other practically anywhere — and if they are waterproof, that includes in the ocean or pool. Some, you can pair up with your smartphone in order to stimulate your partner from just about anywhere. Whew, chile.
7. Homemade Sex Toys Too
Speaking of sex toys, you’d probably be amazed at how many things in your house can double up as one. A spatula or wooden spoon is great for spanking. A necktie, some tights and a pair of clothespins work well for BDSM (use your imagination, sis). An electronic toothbrush is its own vibrator. A string of (lubricated) pearls in between your thighs? Girrrl…GIRL. Oh, and cop a silicone ice tray that comes in different shapes.
When you are rubbing ice in the shape of fruit, flowers or even animals over each other’s bodies, you’ll be surprised by how the combination of the cold with the texture of the space of the ice will stimulate you (make the ice out of juice instead of water for an extra sweet treat!).
8. Portable Charger
I don’t know what took me so long to get a damn portable charger but it’s one of the best things that ever happened to me. What I personally purchased is the ANKER Zolo Power Bank, 20,000mAh 30W High-Speed Portable Charger. I can throw it in my purse, it charges fast, I can use more than once before needing to recharge it; plus, it complements most devices. A great thing to keep in mind, so that your sex toys don’t end up going out on you while you’re…wherever you are.
9. Massage Oil Candle
Going through security at the airport can be a HEADACHE. And while, how long it can take, oftentimes varies on the airport you’re at and the time you are traveling (you can read more about that here), the process is going to be especially annoying if they have to go through your bags. Since you can currently only pack a quarter-sized bag of liquid products on your carry-on, my two cents would be to leave the massage oil at home and pack a massage oil candle instead.
That way, you can still engage in some temperature play (check out “Hot Sex: 10 Super Sultry Reasons To Bring Wax Play Into Your Bedroom”) while you’re on the road without going through any security hassle hang-ups. Some edible massage oil candles are located right here.
10. Wine Cooler Sleeve
Say that you end up going on a wine tasting tour while you’re on vacation and you end up purchasing a bottle or you simply want to toast with some champagne but you’re not sure how to store the bottle. Did you know that there are wine cooler sleeves that are lightweight, portable and will help to keep your bottles cold without condensation for hours on end? A brand that comes highly recommended is here.
11. Rose Petals
I think there are a few reasons why rose petals are oftentimes used to create a sexy mood. Red symbolizes love and passion. Rose petals are soft to the touch. The scent of them is considered to be an aphrodisiac as well. For all of these reasons, bring along some fresh rose petals for your hotel bed. If you put a damp paper towel in something like a small Tupperware container and then place the rose petals inside of that, they won’t dry out quickly which will make them feel great once you’re ready to start rolling around in them (you can also keep them in your hotel room’s fridge to further extend their shelf life).
12. Mints
Morning sex. Outdoor sex. Whatever kind of sex — it’s always going to be better when your breath and his smell good. And just so you don’t have to lug around a big bottle of mouthwash, pack some mints. Altoids are always going to be my number one draft pick — yet go with whatever are your personal faves. They’re the perfect hack for unbelievable summer vacation sex. Wouldn’t you agree? Enjoy!
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