5 Questions To Ask Yourself Before You Reinvent Yourself
It's safe to say the New Year is the self-proclaimed time to do a complete 180 in every area of our lives. At the same time, it's so easy to get caught up with wanting to reinvent our lives and do said complete 180 between 11:59 on December 31st and 12:01 on January 1. Why do we do that to ourselves? Why do we feel like we have to give in to the pressure of becoming a different person when the New Year gets here?
While I'm a lover of all things new, all things resolutions, and all things vision board parties at the top of the year, before we get into it all, ask yourself these questions:
What Do I Love About Myself?
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Trust me, I don't think I'm close to perfect. Not. Even. Close. But there are things about myself that I actually want to take into the new year. While there are changes I would like to make, I don't think I necessarily need to do a complete turnaround because there are things that are the core of who I am that I don't want to change.
Evolve? Yes. But not completely change for the sake of having something to cross off in the new year.
I think before we get into the reinvention of ourselves, we have to be careful not to let the things we love about ourselves be found guilty by association and fall by the wayside. In the middle of this process of becoming a completely new you, be sure to maintain those positives. Cause you're the bomb diggity baby girl.
Who Am I Doing It For?
I was listening to this church message recently and the speaker was discussing how sometimes we have faith for God to do things in our lives because we subconsciously want to prove other people wrong. For example, to show the person who dumped us that it was their loss, or to prove to someone we're dating that we really are good enough. Even though I can't deny I love the feeling of having someone else realize how dope I am (or like to think I am), whether they've treated me amazingly or the opposite, I can't make my whole life about how they see me; self-reinventions included.
It really boils down to making sure that this reinvention and new lease on life is truly about you. Because you deserve to have what you feel is your best self, instead of spending life's most precious moments attempting to live up to what you want others to think about you.
What Do I Want To Change?
GiphyIf we're honest with ourselves, there are probably a lot of things we can do better. From not procrastinating (me!) to learning how to say no (also me) and just taking better care of ourselves from the inside out, it's no secret that very few of us, if any, are completely happy with every detail that encompasses who we are. If for you, the new year is the best time to take on these challenging changes, I would suggest seriously taking time to think about what it is you want to change and why.
All of us are human so it might be easy to lose count of everything we aren't necessarily happy with. But prioritizing the things you want to change and knocking them out one at a time could be the definite key for you to reinvent yourself one change at a time, otherwise you may be feeling overwhelmed about having to do it all at once.
Who’s In My Circle?
A lot of times, reinventing ourselves can impact the people around us just as much as it does our actual selves. Before you begin this journey, you should definitely do an evaluation of who's on your side. Who has been a ride or die friend for you through thick and thin, in the toughest moments? Those are the people you can count on to support your desire to become a better version of yourself. And for the ones who haven't, you don't necessarily have to cut them off. You just might have to redefine the roles they play in your life. It's not about thinking that you're better than them or that you're a new person and no longer have the time, it's about maintaining the part of you that you will work so hard to be, and not letting anyone or anything get in the way.
What Do I Really Want…Periodt?
When you think about what 2019 will bring, what do you hope to see? What is it that will make you happy? There's a quote that says, "Whatever makes you happy, do that." When you reinvent yourself, upgrade yourself, or whatever you want to call it, I hope one of the things you consider is your true desires and wants. I'm in no way saying to be selfish, I'm just saying to think about yourself as much as you might have thought about pleasing others in the past for whatever reason.
We can't take any positivity for granted, especially when it comes to the vibes that surround becoming a new and better us.
But if our actual desires and dreams that cause us to take on this journey of reinvention is forgotten, then what was it all for?
Featured image by Getty Images.
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Charmaine Patterson is a journalist, lifestyle blogger, and a lover of all things pop culture. While she has much experience in covering top entertainment news stories, she aims to share her everyday life experiences, old and new, with other women who can relate, laugh, and love along with her. Follow Char on Twitter @charjpatterson, Instagram @charpatterson, and keep up with her journey at CharJPatterson.com .
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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How A Stay At Switzerland's Luxurious 7132 Hotel Reminded Me To Live The Life I Deserve
Sometimes, as women—especially as single Black women—we simply need to be reminded that we are deserving of living a life we dream of. Even if that means creating it for ourselves. I recently set out on a weeklong trip to Switzerland, a trip I’ve been wanting to take for years, and near the end of my visit, I had an epiphany.
“DeAnna, this is the life you deserve,” I thought to myself as I took in the gorgeous bathroom in my suite at the famous 7132 Hotel and Thermal Spa. It was one of the most luxurious hotels (and bathrooms) I had ever stayed in—and that’s saying a lot for someone who often travels for work.
To help you better understand why this was such a mental awakening for me, I first need to give a bit of my backstory. I’m in my late thirties. I’m an attorneyand a journalist. I own a home and have traveled the world extensively. Essentially, I’ve done everything in life I set out to do. However, when it comes to dating, I struggle. Not because there is anything wrong with me per se, but because my career and “lifestyle” often create problems in my romantic relationships.
View from my hotel room
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I’ve been told everything from, ‘I can’t continue to date you because you seem to choose your career over wanting to settle down and have kids’ by a man after only the second date to ‘Maybe if you just sat down somewhere for a while, I’d actually wife you’ by someone who has honestly never proven themselves to be the settle down type. And these are only a handful of the things I’ve been told over the years.
It’s been frustrating, to say the least, and there have even been seasons where I purposely dimmed my light in hopes that my career wouldn’t push away potential suitors. I know what you’re thinking, “Girl, why would you even consider that? If they’re for you, it won’t matter what you do.” Hey, don’t judge me, but also, I one hundred percent agree.
My hotel bathroom
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That’s why this recent moment in Switzerland was right on time. When I first walked into the hotel to check in, I was blown away by the surrounding beauty. It was a five-star property with one of the world’s most famous thermal bathhouses. Yet, it was something about seeing that 90% of the hotel’s guests were couples, that forced me to sit back for a bit of introspection—while soaking in the thermal spa, of course.
As I went through the mental conversation, there was a battle of sorts. On one hand, I knew that being able to partake in experiences like the one I was having at that moment was important to me. I knew that, at times I actually love being able to dabble in the finer things—after all, I’ve worked hard to be able to afford them. On the other hand, and sadly, I knew that sometimes being a single Black woman that publicly showcases her “luxurious” habits can intimidate men and even scare them off from pursuing you under the guise of them feeling like they “can’t do anything for you, because you have everything.”
My hotel room
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So, what is a girl to do?
Do I minimize/hide the life and experiences that I have? Do I play down the hard work I’ve put in to get where I am professionally? Or, do I risk being single in exchange for being able to have said life, without backlash?
Luckily, the joy that I felt while being at this property won. There was something about taking a full day to simply pamper myself at the bathhouse and in my in-room steam shower and soaker tub, indulging in cuisine from a 2-star Michelin restaurant and doing all of this while surrounded by an amazing group of Black women that reminded me—this is certainly the life I was meant to live and that I deserve. Even if it means that right now, I’ll just have to provide it for myself until the right partner comes along. And honestly, I’m okay with that.
Restaurant at 7132 hotel
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