Self-Love Transformed This EYEconic Mompreneur's Life For The Better
There's an undeniable pressure that society places on us to fit in and have the "ideal" physical appearance. The pressure begins early in our childhood and continues throughout our lives through a variety of influences including TV, school, friends, family, and relationships. For the average person, you either rise above it all and shake the pressure or you enhance your physical appearance with everyday adjustments like makeup, new hairdos, and fashionable clothes.
Yet, for the unique individual born with a physical birth defect, such pressure becomes nearly impossible to disregard.
Entrepreneur and celebrity stylist Ashlee Muhammad is one of those people who could only change but so much about her day to day physical appearance. With the use of her increasingly popular fashion sense and her passion around embracing the skin that you're in, she conquered societal "norms" and refused to let anyone else limit the love she had for herself. Ashlee's evolved self-confidence birthed the launch of "BeEyeconic," a self-love initiative featuring custom designed, intentionally replicated, reconstructed designer bags.
Through BeEyeconic, Ashlee used her creativity and personal experience to share a much-needed message with the world. Her mission? She wanted to crush the influence that "designer" equated to someone "being better" and "doing better" than the next person. It was about proving you can be your best self simply by embracing being yourself.
Embracing herself was something that Ashlee had a lifelong complicated relationship with. The entrepreneur endured feelings of self-doubt, inadequacy, and just feeling unpretty. And a lot of it was rooted in a birthmark that left her blind in one eye, which resulted in a blue/gray discoloration in her left eye. Bullied all throughout her childhood, and even into adulthood by her previous partner, Ashlee spent a large part of her life hiding behind the emotional security of her eyeglasses and even contemplated medical reconstruction for her eye a number of times.
She grew up in Harlem during an era where self-sabotage was highly encouraged and loving yourself was hardly ever a topic of conversation. Never initially having reasons to aim high and set many standards, Ashlee was content and accepting of whatever she had direct access to. And after high school, while most of her peers were preparing to attend college and begin new lives, the teen mom had to make the decision to focus on working right away in order to take care of her infant daughter. Insecurities had landed her in a relationship where she found comfort in the mere thought of someone wanting anything to do with her.
It would damage her self-esteem in unimaginable ways.
She only survived half a day before leaving her first job, but later enrolled in a medical assistant program while working part time at Harlem Children's Zone. She eventually landed a position in the medical assistant field, but as personal and relationship circumstances shifted, she would be forced to relocate to Atlanta only for fate to bounce her right back to NYC working with her previous company. This blossoming entrepreneur had no idea that everything happened as it should and, while in her new position at Harlem Children's Zone, she'd discover her true gift of creativity.
Ashlee's natural yet individualized fashion sense and artistic skill progressively caught the attention of everyone at work, earning her several leadership tasks. Over time, the only barrier to her realizing her full potential was that her work life starkly contrasted her personal life. Despite having a daughter she both loved and cared for, her relationship with her daughter's father was beyond toxic. It only intensified in the level of hurt and poison it seemed to inject in her life and self-esteem as time went on. "He would call me a 'one-eyed ugly bitch,'" she recalled of her partner at the time.
"He told me that no one would want me with my eye, and I believed him."
Love from a partner can make or break any of us, and in Ashlee's experience, she was forced to believe that she was not only incapable of being loved but also incapable of loving herself. It wasn't until she gravitated towards things that ignited her creativity and brought her joy, that she found the strength to leave her partner. "I knew that once I learned to love ME, I would make better decisions and wouldn't allow certain things in my life to continue."
"Unlike everything else In my life, loving myself did not come easy. It was very hard work. [It meant] day in and day out, challenging myself to do things outside of my comfort zone."
Breaking free to focus on herself had unexpectedly molded her to later attract someone who would exhibit the true meaning of unconditional love for self and others.
Through a growing friendship at work, Ashlee found her current husband, Mustafa Muhammad. There was a natural bond between the two ordained soulmates. Mustafa encouraged her to indulge more into her talents while she spent time at home taking care of their newborn twins years later. She credits her husband as being one of the reasons she began seeing herself in a more positive light. "While the road to loving myself was hard, Mustafa's consistent encouragement was very, very necessary for every aspect of my emotional growth," she explained.
From that place of light, love, and growth, BeEyeconic was born.
The pieces that comprised of her Broke Little Rich Girl collection would be the beginning of her self-love movement. With the eye-catching design and the message behind the creation, BeEyeconic became increasingly popular on Instagram, providing Ashlee with the platform to launch her next self-love designs: Eyeconic Merch.
She leaned on the artistic direction of her husband and together created the EyeConic Merch logo. The BeEyeconic logos featured the face of the late great artist Jean-Michel Basquiat with two different colored eyes, and another logo of Ashlee's face with a triangle emphasis around her blinded eye. These designs replicated Ashlee's physical birth defect while using both herself and an icon who too struggled with emotional battles.
BeEyeconic seamlessly meshed together art and the powerful message of self-love.
Today, under the creative leadership of well-known industry movers and shakers like celeb stylists Jason Rembert and Binkie, Ashlee travels the U.S. helping to style celebrities, including Winnie Harlow, Cardi B, Khalid, and Molly Qerim. Her creativity has been used to work high profile industry shows and events such as the MET Gala, Coachella, ESPN's First Take, and The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon.
This mom of three and bonus mom of two conquers all of the above and still soars as a superwoman who never loses sight of the many reasons she now has to love herself. The abundance of love and encouragement from her family, children, and husband all help Ashlee prove to the world that love stories are real and your once upon a time doesn't have to make your happily ever after impossible.
You can catch Ashlee working with some of your favorite icons while continuing to spearhead the BeEyeconic self-love initiative and merchandise, collaborate with 5001 flavors and Harlem Haberdashery, and build the Happily Ever Muhammad Partnership and Marriage podcast/brand with her husband, Mustafa.
She hopes to continue her work and be able to advocate for self-love on a larger platform across NYC and beyond, fulfilling her ultimate goal of having people "accept themselves as they are and embrace every inch of their individual beauty."
Follow Ashlee on Instagram @eyeconicash and @happilyevermuhammad.
Danisha L. Baughan (Dani) is a long term educator, community activist, and philanthropist. Dani is a mother of two who enjoys writing on her spare time, hosting an event she created called Chat N Chew Battle of the Sexes, and has also directed and produced a cultural/gender based documentary on dating in today's society, It's Not You, It's THEM!. Follow her on Instagram @dani_beaux_.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LISTÂ HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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