Thankfully, I don't have an issue with aging. With all that goes on in the course of one year, I personally find it a true blessing to be able to make it to another birthday in my right mind, in good health and with my needs met. That doesn't mean that I don't trip by how fast birthdays seem to roll around the older that I get, though. Shoot, back when I was an adolescent, it seemed like becoming a year older took FOR-E-VER. Now? Lawd. It's more like after three months tops, I'm trying to get used to saying that I'm a whole 'nother age. Yet, like they say, "If you're not living, you're dying" and you know what—if you're not aging, the same sentiment basically applies.
That said, although there are so many things that make us one of us different people, there are several things that we each have in common too. One of them is we each have a birthday. One that rolls around every 12 months. Whether you're someone who is totally stoked about your big day, no matter how many candles are on your cake, or you're someone who close to hyperventilates at the mere thought of getting older, here are seven questions that would be a good idea to ask yourself (and journal the answers to), every year, just so you can gain even more clarity about how special birthdays actually are—and why it's such a good thing that you've reached a brand spanking new year.
1. What Did the Past 12 Months Teach You?
If I've got a personal motto about birthdays, it's if you've been making the absolute most of the time between your last birthday and the one that is coming up, by the time your official day arrives, you should be more than happy to move on to another year. Yep, I definitely believe that a part of the reason why so many folks struggle with their birthdays is because they don't value their time as much as they should have. Take this year, for me, for example. I spent quite a bit of time learning how to embrace my femininity more, how to make peace with my decision to not conceive children and how to make plans that will prepare me for the next 10 years or so. Adding that to getting some of my financial areas in order and doing some inventory in a few of my relationships, chile, this year was well spent. So much so that by the time June 17 (my birthday) comes around, I'll be more than ready to be on some new ish. This year taught me a lot and I've grown. It's time for a shift.
So yeah, let's start there. Whether your birthday is next week or six months from now, a few days prior to its arrival, pull out a journal and do some writing about what the past 12 months have taught you and, in some ways, even prepared you for. Once you're done, you too might realize that turning a new age is very similar to turning over a new leaf so that you can fully embrace what is to come.
2. If Getting Older Bothers You, Why Is That?
Not sharing your age—your real age—is most certainly your business and your right. What I will say is the women I know who have an issue with it also seem to carry a certain burden of low self-esteem because they seem to be consumed with still looking—and sometimes even acting—like they are 15-20 years younger than they actually are. Listen, as a Black woman with the gift of melanin that you have, you already know that you are on your way to literally aging like fine wine, so if getting older really bothers you…why is that? Is it because your mama (and grandmas and aunties) didn't set a good example? Is it because you don't have some older women in your life who you look up to? Is it because you're not simply entertained by the media (including social media), you are consumed by it, so you think you've gotta keep up with celebrities, IG models and picture filters? What really is the deal?
When it comes to aging, there's a Scripture in the Bible that says, "Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained by living a godly life." (Proverbs 16:31—NLT) Did you catch the part that comes before the semicolon? Gray hair is a crown. Not just a crown but a crown of glory! A crown is a symbol of sovereignty and glory is all about bestowing great praise, honor and distinction to someone. Gray hair does this. Gray hair does this.
I know that society oftentimes seems obsessed with staying young forever. That's not only pretty ridiculous, it's also super unrealistic. And so, if aging bothers you, ask yourself why? I promise you that it's not "just because" and the sooner you get to the root of it all, the easier it will be to make peace with shifting…upwards.
3. In What Ways, Have You Personally Evolved and Matured?
Oprah Winfrey once said, "We can't become what we need to be by remaining what we are." Ain't that the truth. Honestly, if you're someone who is all about personal evolution rather than just simply getting older (because there is indeed a huge difference between maturing and simply aging), each day should be about becoming a smarter, wiser and better version of yourself, right? Well, if you're super intentional about holistically advancing in this way, 365 days should add up to a lot of internal—and quite possibly external—change in your life.
And what are some telling signs that you have definitely evolved and matured as an individual? You're clearer than you were last year about who you are, what you want, what it will take to get it, along with who and what you need to release in order to make "it" happen. You've also gotten better when it comes to how to take care of yourself during the "meantime" moments. Personally, when I think about personal evolution, the stages that a caterpillar goes through to become a butterfly come to mind. It ain't easy for the caterpillar to transform and yet man—after all of that waiting, wiggling and struggling, not one butterfly wants to go back to who they used to be. It's time to see and do some new things. Same thing applies to us as we continue to…evolve.
4. What Toxic Habits/Patterns Have You Broken?
On the heels of what I just said, if there's one reason why I get that you wouldn't be looking forward to your birthday, it's if you are still caught up in the same cyclic patterns that you've been in for, shoot, who knows how long? I remember when I turned 45 and I wrote the article on this site about it (check out "What My 45-Year-Old Self Would Tell My 25-Year-Old Self"). When I did some podcast interviews about how I felt about turning the "Big 45", I honestly was pretty excited about it because I had gotten rid of some draining relationships, had created some healthier work patterns for myself and had learned to be more fearless when it came to certain people in my life who I, quite frankly, used to be kind of scared of (adulthood is surviving childhood; that can't be said enough). And because so much of that happened over the course of 44, I was ecstatic to be able to say that I was in a new year where, in many ways, I was a new person.
Remember that your birthday isn't "just a day". It's a totally new year. It's a time to wipe your slate clean and live your life in a way that you may have never done before. If by the time your next birthday rolls around, you've gotten rid of some toxic habits and patterns, awesome. If you haven't, look at your upcoming birthday as an opportunity to use your new year to break some. Once and for all.
5. How Much Closer Are You to Achieving Your Goals?
Motivational author Les Brown once said, "Your goals are the road maps that guide you and show you what is possible in your life." That said, something that I think super ambitious people have in common is time literally flies in their world because they know how to make the absolute most of each and every moment. So much, in fact, that there is no time to sulk over getting older because each birthday reminds them that there are more short- and long-term goals that need to be reached. As a result, they are more about using their birthday as milestones rather than as reminders that they are one year older than they were last year.
Keeping all of this in mind, as it relates to your next birthday if:
- You're single and want to be married. What are you doing to get closer to your goal?
- You hate your job and want to switch gigs. What are you doing to get closer to your goal?
- You feel like your clock is ticking and you want some babies. What are you doing to get closer to your goal?
- You're ready to own a home, buy a car and/or travel the world. What are you doing to get closer to your goals?
- You want to change your life completely. What are you doing to get closer to your goal?
If no matter what you've read thus far, you still just can't get yourself to feel hype about reaching another year, perhaps look at your birthday as an "official goal marker" more than anything else. Each birthday represents 12 months of goals reached and 12 months' worth of goals to set. Goals are a huge part of what drives us. How can you not get hyped about that?
6. Do Your Personal Relationships Currently Complement You?
A couple of years ago, I wrote an article for the site entitled, "10 Questions To Ask Your Close Friends Before The New Year Begins". One of the things that I recommended is that you take, what I call, "friendship inventory". Personally, I think it's a little crazy that we'll take out to the time to clean out our closets or upgrade our bedroom every year, and yet we don't think it's necessary to reflect on our relationships to see if we're getting what we need and if we're providing what others need from us. When it comes to both romantic and platonic relationships, a word that I'm super fond of is "complement". Something or someone that complements us completes us to some degree. Some synonyms for complement include balance, enhance and add.
As we grow and mature every year, it's not a given that the people who complemented us in the past will also complement us in our present. Making the time to think about what you need—and what you have the ability to offer—in your relationships and then to have that conversation with the people you care about most can help everyone to see if they are on the same page.
I'm telling you from personal experience, sometimes the baggage that comes directly from counterproductive relationships can hold us down. Taking inventory on your connections with others is another way to go into a new year right.
7. How Are You Choosing to Celebrate?
I've got some people in my world who make fun of me because I'm so big on celebrating my birthday. They say it's a "Gemini thing". Whatever. I don't observe holidays, so the way I see it, the folks in my life are getting off pretty easy since I'm only semi-high-maintenance once a year. And yes, with all that I've been through—and sometimes even sent myself through—you can best believe that I'm gonna celebrate making it to another year. Since I'm an ambivert, for me, that's not by throwing some big party. I actually have themes each year of different things that I collect. That's how I do my birthday.
We're each unique, so no one is saying that you have to buy a birthday cake, blow up balloons and go the traditional route. Maybe celebrating your birthday consists of taking a day off and binge-watching shows all day. Perhaps it's having a spa day. Maybe it's going out of town for the weekend prior to or the weekend following your day. Perhaps it's spending an insane amount of money on random stuff based on what you've saved in order to do just that. The way YOU celebrate YOUR day is totally up to you. All I'm saying is, because you've made it to another year, please avoid the blasé attitude of "it's just a day". No it's freakin' not. It's the day that you officially made your entrance into this world and since you bring things to this space in a way that no one else ever has or ever will—how is that not something to celebrate? Every year of your entire life!
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
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From Misdiagnosis To Multiple Surgeries: The Hidden Reality Of Fibroids Among Black Women
If someone had told me I’d be working toward my third fibroid surgery in less than six years, I would have had a hard time believing them. First, because obviously, no one wants to ever hear the word "surgery" (unless it’s cosmetic surgery you’re opting for). But the more significant reason is I’d never heard any of the women in my life talk about fibroids, so the idea of having all of the complex issues because of them, on top of surgeries, was truly a foreign concept.
After my doctor told me I’d need a second surgery in March of 2023—a hysteroscopic myomectomy—after bleeding every day for over six months, I was over it. Not just over the symptoms. But I was done feeling siloed on an island dealing with the pain, feeling tired all the time, and the heaviness of what felt like endless trips to the doctor for ultrasounds, blood transfusions, blood count checks, MRIs, etc.
I would try to explain what I was feeling, and my pain was written off because I guess period pain is just supposed to be normal. I’m here to tell you it is not. And because we’ve been conditioned to just deal, that’s the way things should stay. Yeah, no.
What is a hysteroscopic myomectomy? Hysteroscopic myomectomy is the most minimally invasive procedure to treat fibroids. A surgeon removes fibroids by inserting a hysteroscope into the uterine cavity through the vagina and cervix.
So, I wrote and directed an animated short film to bring educational and entertainment value to helping the world learn about fibroids. With $25,000 of my own money, I went forth and made the film titled Super High: A Period Piece. Now, it’s making its rounds on the festival circuit, even gaining entry into two Oscar-qualifying festivals: the Chicago International Film Festival and the New Orleans Film Festival. We even won Best Narrative Short at the Morehouse Human Rights Film Festival in Atlanta.
As I was venturing onto the festival circuit, my editor asked me to write a piece highlighting the experiences of Black women with fibroids. Initially, I planned to highlight up to 15 stories. However, as I started working on this story, I thought hearing the experiences more in-depth would be equally impactful. So, we chatted with four women about their fibroid journeys.
The one thing we all had in common, which made me sad but also made me feel seen, was that none of us knew much about them beforehand. However, our willingness to openly share our stories will hopefully change that for many women now and beyond.
Keep reading for four women’s stories about their journey with fibroids.
Rosco Spears, artist and creative director
Before your journey with fibroids, did you know much about them?
Before my journey with fibroids, I didn't know much about them. I'd never heard of fibroids until women around me started getting diagnosed. I was dealing with heavy, painful periods long before I was privy to any of these diagnoses.
Shortly before I was officially diagnosed with having fibroids (2012), I learned that my sister and other women in my family also had fibroids. As I've grown older, I've learned that my three sisters, many cousins, aunts, etc, have also had fibroids. It's simply an issue that was never discussed.
How did you find out you had fibroids?
I found out that I had fibroids while living in NYC. I was fed up with the pain and discomfort from my period, so I shopped around until I got an answer that I thought made sense. I met a wonderful woman doctor who finally diagnosed me, and she offered me several options for easing the discomfort. During this time, I would often bleed between periods.
In 2013, one of my "in-between" moments was more than the spotting that I was used to, so I took myself to the emergency [room]. I learned that my hemoglobin [levels] were at seven, and the doctors wouldn't let me leave the hospital without getting a blood transfusion. They also highly recommended that I get surgery to remove the fibroids. Once I officially got the diagnosis, it was scary, but it also felt amazing to know that I could begin planning a path forward.
What are hemoglobin levels? To ensure adequate tissue oxygenation—a very important complex dance between the lungs, blood, and cardiovascular system—a sufficient hemoglobin level has to be maintained. The normal Hb level for women is 12 to 16 g/dl. Low hemoglobin levels mean your body isn’t getting enough oxygen, which is why you feel very tired and weak.
If you're comfortable, we'd love to hear about your treatment. Did things go as planned? Were you nervous about what your doctor suggested?
I've had two abdominal myomectomies, one in 2013 (16 fibroids were removed) and another in 2020 (51 fibroids were removed). I was nervous about the idea of being cut open during the myomectomy, but I didn't think that the outcome could be any worse than the pain that I was already dealing with. Both surgeries went just as planned (aside from the 2nd surgery being rescheduled due to COVID-19), and my recovery from both was amazing.
In 2013, I was a bit unhinged. I went location scouting for a photo shoot for The Lip Bar three days after I got home from the hospital. My family was very upset, but I honestly felt fine. I had some abdominal pain, but within two weeks, I was back in the studio on my feet all day. After my second surgery, the plan was to try and have a child shortly after recovery. I took my time with healing and did things according to the book.
What is a myomectomy? A myomectomy is surgery to remove uterine fibroids. There are several types of myomectomies, but the procedure you and your doctor decide is right for you will depend on factors like location, number, and size of your fibroids.
How did you feel post-treatment? How has getting treatment changed your quality of life?
I felt/feel amazing post-treatment! For about 2-3 years after both surgeries, my periods were much lighter, and the pain was light [and] much more bearable than it was with the fibroids. My quality of life is much different post-surgery.
There have been years [when] I simply did not have any energy while I was on my period. The most I could do was get up to go to the bathroom and get right back in bed. Or I'd have to carry a change of clothes with me when traveling to work because I couldn't afford to take off during my period, but I knew that at some point, I would bleed through everything. So, in that regard, life is beautiful. I'm no longer passing out, nor do I feel the need to bring an extra set of pants along on the ride.
While my quality of life has improved tremendously, I often joke and say that I have PTSD from having bad periods. What I mean is that I still check my pants often when I'm on my period. And I still get anxiety if I'm in public and I'm on day two or three of my period because who knows if it is just a little blood that I feel coming down or it's a huge clot that's going to ruin my pants. And I still know better than to try and wash my hair on my heavy days because there isn't enough energy to do both.
For someone just starting their fibroid journey, what are two pieces of advice you'd give them?
You got this, sis! It's a difficult journey, but please seek advice from other women on the journey. If one doctor is not giving you sufficient information, find a new doctor. Make sure you're exploring all of the options for fibroid removal/shrinking treatments [because] it is not one size fits all. And take your iron supplements, boo.
How important do you think it is for us to share our fibroid stories with each other and talk about this openly?
Oh God, if I could pay women to share their fibroid stories, I would. It's imperative that we talk with one another about our experiences in health. I shared my fibroid story years ago because I was so lost when I was on my journey. One of my sisters had the surgery before I did, but other than her, I didn't have anyone to talk to about fibroids.
I felt very alone, isolated, and somewhat embarrassed because it felt like this wasn't happening to anyone else around me. It makes a world of difference when you can talk with someone about an issue they are also facing. We will learn a lot more by discussing shared experiences—much of which you cannot learn from talking to your doctor or Google.
La-Anna Douglas, women’s advocate and motivational speaker
Before your journey with fibroids, did you know much about them?
Being someone who started my period at the age of 10, I was in the dark when it pertained to fibroids and other reproductive health issues. I had never heard of fibroids, and I didn’t know that the pain I was experiencing, along with fertility delays, was because of the fibroids sitting in between my two uteruses. The pelvic pain, excruciating periods, fatigue, and protruding belly to someone else would have been a dead giveaway. But I had no idea what was going on with my body. I also did not know of anyone in my family dealing with fibroids.
How did you find out you had fibroids?
I was diagnosed with fibroids by a reproductive endocrinologist [and] was finally properly diagnosed after suffering for 16 years. I finally found a doctor willing to listen to my concerns and, most of all, believed that I wasn’t making it up. She scheduled me for a thorough examination, and I was soon scheduled for laparoscopic surgery. I was diagnosed with three fibroids, endometriosis, and a uterus didelphys (two uteruses and two cervixes).
Uterus didelphys is a rare congenital condition where you're born with two uteruses. It's commonly called a double uterus.
Again, I was misdiagnosed for years, and my pain was minimized. I was labeled as the girl with bad periods. I would have cramps for 3-4 days on my left side of my belly and then cramps for 3-4 days on my right. In actuality, I was having two periods from two different uteruses with three fibroids pressing on my wombs with endometriosis wrapped around my fallopian tubes and my uterus. When I heard all of the different diagnoses, I was angry, overwhelmed, scared, and confused. But the worst thing is that I was unprepared mentally and emotionally for the diagnosis and the journey ahead.
"I was misdiagnosed for years, and my pain was minimized. I was labeled as the girl with bad periods. In actuality, I was having two periods from two different uteruses with three fibroids pressing on my wombs with endometriosis wrapped around my fallopian tubes and my uterus."
If you're comfortable, we'd love to hear about your treatment. Did things go as planned? Were you nervous about what your doctor suggested?
I was told not to worry about removing the fibroids surgically after being diagnosed in my 20s back in 2008. But in 2020, during the pandemic, my pain started to escalate again. So, I was scheduled for an ultrasound, an MRI, and then a double-balloon procedure. I was told that my fibroids had grown and they were contributing to the secondary infertility I was experiencing. My doctor gave me two options. Would I rather have a hysterectomy?
I had already gone through 30 years of horrible periods, eight years of infertility [and] finally having a miracle baby in 2013 by God’s grace, and I had already gone through multiple procedures. Or I could do the robotic laparoscopic myomectomy, where they would remove the fibroids and open my two cervixes by also doing a hysteroscopy. At first, [I] wanted to do a hysterectomy, but [after] talking to my family and praying about it, I decided on having the robotic laparoscopic myomectomy. I was a little nervous but knew I was in good hands.
What is a laparoscopic myomectomy? A laparoscopic myomectomy is a minimally invasive procedure to remove uterine fibroids. A surgeon makes four tiny incisions in your abdomen and then uses a laparoscope, which is a special instrument that contains a light and video camera, to operate through the incisions.
How did you feel post-treatment? How has getting treatment changed your quality of life?
Post-treatment, I felt relieved and grateful. The healing journey was okay. I had a lot of support from my family, especially my husband. After the healing, [I am] loving on my body because the many scars on my belly are my beauty marks. I started to get more confident in who I was. The doctor who did the robotic laparoscopic myomectomy believed that I would get pregnant again.
Well, six months after the surgery, I became pregnant with our second miracle baby girl after eight years of secondary infertility at the age of 40. And to think, [had] I decided on the hysterectomy, she would not be here. Our surprise baby has brought so much happiness to our family.
For someone just starting their fibroid journey, what are two pieces of advice you'd give them?
For anyone just beginning their fibroid journey, my advice would be to advocate for yourself no matter what the diagnosis may be. Your voice matters, and you control your narrative. If the doctor is not listening to you or your concerns, you have every right to seek a second, third, fourth, or as many opinions as you wish until you are heard and properly cared for. KNOW YOUR WORTH!
[And,] to always love on yourself through the journey with fibroids and anything else you may be going through. YOU ARE ENOUGH. The physical scars and the invisible scars are your beauty marks. And share with others how you are feeling and what you are going through. Please do not suffer in silence!
How important do you think it is for us to share our fibroid stories with each other and talk about this openly?
It is so important that we share our journey with fibroids because there is power in supportive stories. We all must realize that we are not alone. There are so many of us who have similar situations going on or may be feeling the same feelings you may be feeling.
Sharing your story also helps to heal those hurts that happen on the road to diagnosis. Healing taps into the strength that has been lying dormant inside of us, and when that strength is ignited, there is nothing that can stop you from advocating for yourself and others who begin to share their stories with you.
Dawn Heels, award-winning fibroid advocate and campaigner
Before your journey with fibroids, did you know much about them?
I knew absolutely nothing about fibroids apart from the fact that my mum had one (she found out when she was pregnant with me), but even with this information, she didn't know anything about them.
How did you find out you had fibroids?
I had always suffered [from] extremely heavy, painful periods. I thought [this] was normal, [so] I didn't link it to the fact that something could be wrong with me. I first discovered I had fibroids after experiencing constant pain in the left-hand side of my abdomen in 2016. During an ultrasound scan, I was told I had 2 x 4 cm fibroids by the sonographer.
Two types of ultrasound scan can be used to help diagnose fibroids: an abdominal ultrasound scan – where the ultrasound probe is moved over the outside of your tummy (abdomen) a transvaginal ultrasound scan – where a small ultrasound probe is inserted into your vagina.
I hadn’t a clue what they were, and when I went back to see my doctor, he told me that I had nothing to worry about because fibroids were common, normal, and I should deal with any pain with a hot water bottle and ibuprofen. And because he told me I had nothing to worry about, at that moment, I didn’t worry.
If you're comfortable, we'd love to hear about your treatment. Did things go as planned? Were you nervous about what your doctor suggested?
Over the next six years, my pain and suffering got worse. I displayed horrendous fibroid symptoms: bum cheek pain, leg pain, painful, heavy, clotty periods, lower back pain, extreme pain, abdominal/pelvic pain, early pregnancy symptoms, tiredness, ‘preggo belly,’ painful sex, long periods and was infertile. I finally saw a consultant who changed my life, as he was the first person to listen to me and put a plan in place.
"He transvaginally scanned me and told me I actually had at least six fibroids, the biggest being the size of a grapefruit, and with that, I would have to have an open myomectomy."
He transvaginally scanned me and told me I actually had at least six fibroids, the biggest being the size of a grapefruit, and with that, I would have to have an open myomectomy. I cried so many tears because I thought if I was to ever have an operation that resembled the C-section, I would be giving birth to a baby, not tumors! The operation was a success, and he removed 16 fibroids and left 2 in to give me a chance at conceiving. I lost a lot of blood and had an emergency blood transfusion one week later.
After eight weeks of healing, I started to feel much better.
How did you feel post-treatment? How has getting treatment changed your quality of life?
The open myomectomy gave me my life back—a good quality of life. I wasn’t in pain anymore. My periods were shorter and significantly lighter, and best of all, I fell pregnant six months after surgery!
What is an open myomectomy? An abdominal, or open, myomectomy removes fibroids through an incision in the abdomen, typically on the bikini line. The recovery time generally lasts up to six weeks.
For someone just starting their fibroid journey, what are two pieces of advice you'd give them?
Educate yourself on the condition so you can guide the conversation and ask relevant questions when going into your consultations. Advocate for yourself, too! Too many of us will just agree to all sorts of nonsense just because the medical professional says so! You are the expert over your own body, so speak up!
How important do you think it is for us to share our fibroid stories with each other and talk about this openly?
I became an ‘accidental’ advocate because I shared my story. My inbox was inundated with messages from other ladies who had suffered or were currently suffering. That’s how powerful a share is.
Camille Austin, model and content creator
Before your journey with fibroids, did you know much about them? For example, did you know what symptoms to look out for?
I did not know much, if not anything at all. So, I did not know what symptoms to look out for.
Did you know if anyone in your family had ever dealt with them?
Yes, my mother, but she was already going through menopause, so our symptoms did not seem comparable.
How did you find out you had fibroids?
[I went] to my primary care physician, who is also a WOC. She performed a pelvic exam, and when I told her about all of my symptoms, she thought it was fibroids. It took a while and [was] frankly [an] annoying process to finally get to an MRI where they found three fibroids, one the size of 15cm.
And how did you feel once you got the official diagnosis?
I felt relieved and scared—scared about what this meant about my fertility. [But,] relieved that I had answers and I was going to get better.
If you're comfortable, we'd love to hear about your treatment. Did things go as planned? Were you nervous about what your doctor suggested?
I had to have surgery due to the size [of my fibroid.] I had an open and laparoscopic procedure done and was on the table for eight hours. I did not initially trust my surgeon as she wanted to jump straight into a hysterectomy. Common practice says that the only way to stop them from ever coming back is through a hysterectomy, which I find to be a bit extreme. To me, it sounds like it's just under-researched, and not enough efforts are being made because this largely impacts WOC, but I digress.
"My surgeon thought because I'm so young, healthy, and strong, she did not put me on a hospital list, which gives another doctor the ability to treat me overnight should something happen. Well, something happened."
My surgeon thought because I'm so young, healthy, and strong, she did not put me on a hospital list, which gives another doctor the ability to treat me overnight should something happen. Well, something happened. I found out I'm allergic to Dilaudid (a common pain med). I broke out and had a third-degree chemical burn around my stomach from the adhesive, and my skin completely broke out. There was not a doctor available to give me even so much as a Benadryl to ease the discomfort. Nurses can't prescribe meds.
It wasn't until I threatened to leave the hospital—I got up and packed my bags—that I received a pink Benadryl pill after waiting for about 6 hours. About a week after I got home, I broke into a fever and was septic. I was rushed back to the hospital and had to spend an additional four days. In short, the healing process did not go according to plan.
After your difficult hospital experience and healing journey, how did you feel post-treatment? How has getting treatment changed your quality of life?
After treatment, I felt so much better after everything was said and done. I would still get the surgery if I had to do it again. When I eventually healed, my periods were shorter. I could fit my clothes again, and I just had more energy to do things since I was not as anemic.
For someone just starting their fibroid journey, what are two pieces of advice you'd give them?
[First,] push for that MRI sooner than later. If you catch them when they are small, you can look into non-invasive ways to get rid of them.
Make sure your doctor has a hospital list, and ask who will be in charge of taking care of you when your doctor is not around.
What does an MRI mean for fibroids? An MRI uses a magnetic field and radio waves to create computerized, 3D images of the uterus. These images can help your doctor decide which treatment is best for you and rule out other issues like adenomyosis and endometriosis.
How important do you think it is for us to share our fibroid stories with each other and talk about this openly?
I think it's important because we can all learn from each other, and this is not just becoming a "woman over 30" problem. According to my doctors, I was far too young, and due to my age, this was something that went unnoticed. Frankly, it should not have been a far stretch because I have fibroids in my breast tissue as well, but somehow, no correlation has been made.
So we have to press the issue, so hopefully, we can look into why this is happening to so many women and not allow a hysterectomy to be the first response.
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Originally published on October, 2, 2024