

Buddha once said, "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." Well, no lie, right as I was sitting down to pen this, the YouTubers and podcasters Aba & Preach loaded a new video and guess what the title of it is? You ain't ready—"'I don't need a man, I'm an independent woman'...Cool story". They intro'd their thoughts with some footage from the talk show The Real. Some of the commentary featured Loni Love's "energy" about being in a relationship prior to actually getting into one vs. how it was once she started seeing someone—and yes, I must say, it was very different (I'll let you watch and check it out for yourself). Following that, Aba made this point:
"Women have often been told that their value lies in finding a partner. And so, counter to that rhetoric is, 'I'm an independent woman. I don't need no man', and the reality is that there is actually a middle ground. You still need a partner. You still need someone to be by your side. But your entire being is not defined by that one aspect…so understand, you responded to a negative stimulus which is women are defined by the man they choose, and your opposite reaction was, 'I don't need a man.'…but the reality is somewhere in the middle. You do. The same way that we need you. Let's be clear—human beings are not independent creatures…we all need each other…it's not a sign of weakness to admit that."
The reason why I think that video and his statement are a great way to kick off this particular piece is because, if you're a woman who really wants to get married and it seems like it's taking for-e-ver for "him" to arrive, please don't allow impatience (which we'll get into in a bit), fear or the temptation to create a jaded perspective cause you to take on the "F—k it. I don't need a man, then" mentality. First off all, it's never a wise idea to put that out into the Universe if it isn't true. Secondly, be careful—a lot of times we get the kind of energy that we project. Instead, it's OK to admit that you want a life partner and, because you're not sure when, where or how he's coming, you wonder if he'll ever arrive at all. A lot of us have been there. Shoot, a lot of us are still there.
So, just what should you do if that's the space that you're currently in—believing you are ready with no man in sight?While there's no way that all of the answers can be provided in just one read, my hope is that the following five points can, at least, offer some clarity—and a bit of comfort.
What Do You Mean by “Ready”?
Although I know that different people see marriage in different ways, I personally see it as a spiritual union. What I mean by that is, I believe that it's the kind of relationship that is not only a covenant, but one that involves three beings—a man, a woman and God. This means that I also believe that three beings are a part of not only the union itself, but how two people come together in the first place—and when. That's why it always tickles me when someone—I'll be honest, usually it's a woman—tells me how "ready they are" for their future spouse to arrive. I mean, sometimes I see why they might think so, but I always wonder if they think the Most High agrees with them. After all, "ready" is a pretty loaded word.
While you might be "willing" to get married (which is one definition of the word), does that automatically or necessarily mean that you are also "duly equipped, completed, adjusted, or arranged" (another definition of ready) or "completely prepared or in fit condition for immediate action or use" (another definition of ready)? Duly equipped? Completely prepared? Before you say "yes" and then follow that up with "I said what I said!", I recommend that you check out articles like "10 Things Married Couples Wished They Paid More Attention To While Dating", "10 Things Husbands Wish Their Wives Truly Understood" and "Dear Single Self: What I Wish I Knew Before Getting Married". Then, as an even greater preventative measure, also check out "What Some People Regret About Their Divorce". Oh, and if you also find marriage to be a sacred union, check out the video "God's Glory In Marriage Paul Washer, John Piper & Voddie Baucham".
If there is one thing that I hear, non-stop, in marriage sessions, it's that couples totally underestimated how selfish and even arrogant they were before getting married. A big part of the reason why is because they didn't realize how much was required to make a marriage work or how ill-prepared they truly were. Being ready is about more than being willing. Chances are, if you're not married yet, God is being merciful; there is some stuff that you still need to do…first—as a single woman.
Things like what? How's your mental and emotional health? Do you have some unresolved issues with any exes? Do you feel like you have a healthy sense of self-worth? Do you know what your purpose in life is and are you at least taking the steps to walk in it? Do you have good boundaries with your family (especially the toxic ones)? What's your money (including your credit) looking like? Are you at peace in your singleness? I could go on, but the answers to these types of questions will reveal if you are a whole person who is "ready" to unite with another whole individual—or if you're someone who believes that two halves make a whole.
Tip: Two whole people make for a much healthier marriage than two "halves" do.
Don’t You Want Him to Be Ready Too?
Then there's your husband. One of the reasons why I wrote "If Your Man Is Missing These Things, Wait Before Marrying Him" is actually thanks to something a husband (of well over two decades) once told me about why he thinks there are so many sexless marriages in the world. "Shellie, a lot of people forget how much of a business partnership a marriage is. And when you are constantly 'doing business' with someone, you don't always want to be having sex with them too." These are the pearls of wisdom that come from actually sitting down and talking to married people (which is what I also strongly recommend that you do).
Anyway, I can only imagine how many single people even make it a point to take something like that into consideration; especially guys. Believe you me, just like a lot of women have a tendency to over-romanticize marriage (to the point of having a totally unrealistic perspective), men can too. I've sat down with quite a few men who want a woman to be "Claire Huxtable", but they ain't thinkin' about what is required to attract that kind of woman. To me, a good husband is a spiritual leader; a protector and provider; someone who is strong yet empathetic; an individual who has a good sense of self, who is honest with himself as well as others and desires to be in a true partnership. He's the kind of person who knows that his "one" is to complement him and, because of that, he should do what Proverbs 31:28-29(AMPC)—"… her husband boasts of and praises her, [saying], 'Many daughters have done virtuously, nobly, and well [with the strength of character that is steadfast in goodness], but you excel them all.'"
Y'all, aside from humbling yourself enough to accept that you may not be as "ready" as you think that you are (at least in order to have the quality of marriage you desire to have), it's important to also remember that your future husband has a season of readiness that he needs to go through too. I'm telling you, rather than hemming and hawing about how long he's taking, you'd be much better off praying for him. There is a Black married couple who actually has a free "Pray for Your Future Spouse" challenge that you can participate in, if you'd like. Click here for the details.
The Best Kind of Wife-to-Be Is More than Just That
Back when I was in college, there was a girl that I knew who, upon graduation, had earned straight As. But she still had a difficult time finding a job because while she was in school, she didn't do much else but study. No job. No extracurricular activities. Nothing to show that she was a well-rounded individual. Do you see where I'm going with this?
Many years ago, I wrote a column for a magazine called Relevant. One of them was about the MTV seriesNewlyweds that featured singers Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson. If you never knew they were once married or it's been so long that you've forgotten all of the deets, Jessica was a virgin on her wedding day. To me, that's beautiful. At the same time, sexual purity (that pretty much only lasts for a couple of minutes) doesn't keep a marriage together. After a few episodes, it was clear that Jessica struggled with bringing more than that to the table. She didn't cook, clean, budget, had a weird work ethic and, whether it was purely for the show's ratings or not, she also wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed. She seemed mad spoiled too (quirky and funny but still spoiled). If you Google either one of them, you'll see that they're both married to other people now.
Here's the point with both of the examples that I provided. There are a lot of single women I know who, unfortunately, are putting their lives on pause because they are consumed by their longing to have a husband. But if you ask any mature and secure man—whether he's single or married—about what makes a woman attractive, it's just how complete she is without having a man in her life. She's thriving in her calling. She has a good support system around her. She takes good care of her mind, body, and spirit. She knows the difference between needing a man and being needy. She may desire marriage, but her life is full enough to keep her from becoming obsessed about it.
There are some women I know who are divorced now. After doing some deep and profound soul-searching, they realize that a big cause of the breakdown in their union is them thinking that either A) their life would really start once they got married or B) they damn near suffocated their spouse because they are overly preoccupied with him and the full life he had.
When it comes to wifedom, one of my favorite Scriptures is "An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones." (Proverbs 12:4—NKJV) Just think about all that you would want your future hubby to have going on in order for him to be considered excellent (possessing outstanding quality or superior merit; remarkably good). Whatever those things are, try and become those things in your own life. Your husband and your marriage will only benefit from it.
Allow Everyone to Do Their Part
So, there's a woman who goes by Chloe who has a YouTube channel that I already know is out here triggering people left and right. With videos like "Masculine Moves: 12 Masculine Things to Stop Doing in 2020!" and "Masculine Moves: Never Ask a Man to Marry You!", how could she not be? While I don't agree with everything that she says (like I'm sure a lot of y'all feel about some of the stuff that I write), when it comes to her perspective of a "masculine woman", I do get down with a point she made in the second video:
"Moves like this are being made when a woman is being highly territorial, and controlling, and back-leading. And being really extra in staking her claim, and trying to push the needle of marriage ahead. And is low-key trying to control and manipulate her engagement to make the odds of becoming a wife more favorable. And, this is what happens when a woman has the mindset that the man is the prize. 'Cause when a woman, sees the man, as the prize, there will always be a part of her, that will be willing to turn up the volume, on her masculinity, to secure the object of her affection. Which is a move, that puts a woman, in low value territory."
Whew. OK, so here's why I am with what she said. I do find it interesting that while a lot of women don't want to be in a traditional wife role, when it comes to things like marriage proposals, suddenly, they wouldn't dream of doing it because it's "a man's job" (which puts him into a traditional role, correct?). But I'll leave that alone.
My main point is this. 11 years ago, I published a blog entitled "So, How Did You Know?" It has a ton of different stories of how different married couples got together. Since I do reference the Bible quite a bit, and I know that Eve was brought to Adam (no, he did not pursue her; he was asleep—Genesis 2:18-25), I am not hung up on how folks come together. What I am big on is people acknowledging that in a male/female marital dynamic, the two energies are designed to balance each other. I also am a huge supporter of reminding women that "femininity" is not a dirty word ( authentic masculinity isn't either). A website entitled Chocolate for the Soul actually provides some traits of femininity that I can totally get down with:
A woman worth a million is HEALTHY AND SEXY
A woman worth a million is able to distribute her energy correctly
She is a woman who is self-confident and knows her value
A woman worth a million can have a balanced, intimate and fulfilling relationship with a man
A woman worth a million does not wait for men or the environment to make her happy ...
Yes—all this. The reason why I entitled this section the way that I did is because, as you're wondering where your future beloved is, it's important to keep "BALANCE" in the forefront of your mind. Even if you are tempted to get anxious or impatient (more on that in a sec), all you can do is your part. "He", the Most High and whomever else the Universe deems should play a role in your love story have a role in what needs to happen too. By stepping out of your femininity, by thinking you need to "take matters into your own hands", there is a greater chance that you will do more harm than good.
A great romance consists of two people who already love themselves and know their value. If you settle into this fact, it will be easier to take on that, "I can only do what I can do. But I'm so dope that that is automatically enough."
Remember That Love Is Patient—So, You Should Be Too
One more. As it relates to this particular kind of topic, the word "patient" is usually only thought about in the context of someone "quietly and steadily persevering or diligent, especially in detail or exactness". And while this definition certainly applies, it's important to always remember another definition of patient too—"bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, pain, etc., with fortitude and calm and without complaint, anger, or the like". Again, when the student is ready, the teacher will certainly appear and another thing that a lot of married people will tell you is, the more you prepare on the front end, the better off you will be on the back.
On the patient tip, do you really think that a stroll down some aisle will automatically turn you into a patient individual? And if you EVER will need to exercise patience, it's in a marriage. So really, no matter how long the waiting season may be taking, it could be the Universe's way of having your back because, the more you master patience now, the better spouse you will be later.
Remember, I'm over here abstinent, counseling couples and still not married; never have been. But I'll tell you what—the more I learn about myself, marriage and what a great one requires, the more grateful I am that "it's" taking as much time as it needs to. Because honestly, if I was ready…I'd be married. Since I'm not, I'll continue the preparation process—and enjoy my single season as I do. Because as awesome as I'm sure marriage is, singleness is pretty bomb too. So bomb that I don't have enough time to worry about where my man is. I just hope he catches up someday. Feel me? Yeah, exactly.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
If You Hate Being Single, Read This
Every Major Win In My Life Came After A Breakdown
Solo Dating In Your Single Season & How It Preps You For Relationships
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
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It’s officially Miss Keri, Baby season again—and if you ask us, it’s been a long time coming. After 15 years away from the music scene, Keri Hilson has returned not only with a brand-new album, but also a captivating new role in Lifetime’s Fame—the latest installment in The Temptations film franchise.
Between the album We Need to Talk: Love and her leading role in Fame, this isn’t just a comeback—it’s a rebirth. The Grammy-nominated singer-songwriter turned actress is letting us into her world like never before, unpacking themes of vulnerability, healing, and inner strength with grace, grit, and raw artistry.
Now streaming on Lifetime, Fame follows two superstar sisters—played by Keri and singer/actress Keshia Chanté—as they navigate the cost of stardom, sibling rivalry, and the dark side of desire. The film also stars Romeo Miller, Ecstasia Sanders, Nathan Witte, and Sophie Carriere, and is executive produced by Derrick Williams and Adriane Hopper Williams of the Seven Deadly Sins franchise.
As for the music? We Need to Talk: Love is a three-part album (Love, Drama, Redemption) that tells the story of a woman who’s been through it—and has risen from the ashes. “It was time to speak for myself,” Keri says.
We sat down with Keri to talk about her return to music, her passion for acting, the emotional depth of Fame, and how she’s learning to care for herself amidst the chaos.
From R&B Queen to Drama Star: Keri Gets Into Character
“Even though she’s famous—as am I—it was really her humanity that I wanted to portray.”
Keri plays Cherish, one half of a superstar sibling duo who must confront their fractured relationship in the wake of a traumatic robbery. For Keri, the role was more than a character—it was a psychological study.
“I enjoy departures from reality. That’s why I love acting,” she shares. “Psychology is one of my favorite things in life. I became a writer because I’m an observer of human nature, emotion, and behavior. I think I did a good job showing her humanity.”
The Fame Isn’t Always Worth the Price
“Keep the main thing the main thing.”
Keri doesn’t sugarcoat the industry. When asked about what Fame reveals about the dark side of celebrity culture, her answer is clear:
“It’s a cautionary tale. It reminds you to keep your family close and not allow anything to come between them—especially in pursuit of success. Keep the main thing the main thing. For me, that’s family, love, spirituality, and values.”
Three Chapters, One Story: Love. Drama. Redemption.
“I’ve shed the fear. It was time to tell my own story.”
Released April 18th, We Need to Talk: Love is Keri’s first album in 15 years—and a deeply personal one at that. The three-part project (Love, Drama, Redemption) represents a timeline of healing and growth.
“I’m finally in a place where I’m able and willing to open up more,” she says. “For a while, I became really guarded—shell-shocked, even—after making mistakes in the public eye. Whether it’s all your fault or not, the scrutiny takes its toll. But now, I’ve shed that fear. It’s time to tell my story.”
Cooking, Walks, and Recalibrating in the Chaos
“I’m not doing the best job—but I’m doing what I can.”
Between eight-hour rehearsals, press runs, and music releases, Hilson admits she hasn’t quite figured out the balance yet—but she’s trying. For her, the key is carving out small rituals of normalcy.
“I enjoy cooking. That’s my sanctity,” she says. “I’ll go home, take my makeup off, put on my rehearsal clothes, and cook a meal. I take walks. I run. These little things help me feel like myself again.”
Art Imitates Life (and Album Tracklists)
“Cherish goes from Love… to Drama… to Redemption.”
Asked which album chapter her Fame character would fall into, Keri doesn’t hesitate. “She fits into all three,” she says. “You see her go from love, to drama, to redemption. That arc mirrors the journey of so many women who’ve had to navigate pain and find their way back to themselves.”
No Pressure, Just Art: Keri Wants You to Feel Something
“Just enjoy the art. That’s it.”
After all the time, patience, and healing, Keri isn’t asking for much. She just wants fans to press play—and feel something.
“I just want people to enjoy what they’re seeing and hearing. Enjoy me on screen. Enjoy me through their ears. People have waited, and I feel blessed by that. That helps me keep it all pure and simple.”
As Keri Hilson steps boldly back into the spotlight, it’s clear this era is all about alignment, artistry, and authenticity. With Fame airing on Lifetime and the first chapter of We Need to Talk: Love setting the tone, we’re more than excited to see what’s next.
As she continues to unfold the album’s next two chapters—Drama and Redemption—one thing’s for sure: this isn’t just a comeback. It’s a reintroduction. And we’ll be watching, listening, and cheering her on every step of the way.
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