What is a Virgo like in love? A Libra? A Sagittarius or a Capricorn? It's no secret, looking up the zodiac sign of a person we're dating is something we all do from time to time, whether we are a true believer of the zodiac sign and horoscopes, or if we casually dabble in the metaphysics here and there. Whether it's keeping up with horoscopes monthly or researching what a *insert zodiac sign here* man does in love or why he's distant, we've all managed to drink from the horoscope Kool-Aid at one point or another.
In the dating game, I've found that horoscopes, particularly what someone's sun sign is, is something a lot of us out here want to know quick, fast, and in a hurry for the sake of compatibility. Even deeper than that, we crave knowing what a person is like in love to gain insight into a person's good traits and bad, but to also get a glimpse into someone's feelings for us based on how their zodiac sign is in love.
To help you figure out the key to solving your love life puzzle, below is how each of the 12 zodiac signs are in love.
1.Aries In Love
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Aries are typically super friendly people, and that makes them get along with just about everyone. But like most zodiac signs, they tend to be most compatible with their elemental group, which includes Sagittarius and Leo. Aries can be bright, bubbly, upbeat, outgoing, and very much about that action. However, Libras, the opposite sign of Aries, makes a great connection in the bedroom. Libras are givers and Aries are takers, and that combination works well together when things get more intimate.
When the Aries falls in love, they are unapologetic and unashamed at how much they love their partner. They are also one of the mushiest and most romantic of the zodiac signs. Being in a relationship with an Aries will never leave you bored, it will always be full of fun. You can expect lots of travel, sex, and adventure from the Ram.
Read more about the Aries sun sign in love here.
2.Taurus In Love
People who are normally drawn to a Taurus are attracted to their chill and sensual vibe. Taureans are always down for a good time. In love, a Taurus mostly get along well will other Earth signs (Capricorns and Virgos). Their favorite subjects to talk about are home improvements, food, shopping, and, of course, money. After all of that, take a nap together to top off their experience. They are most sexually compatible with Scorpios because they both take pleasure seriously and are committed to adventure as well as climaxing. This makes for a truly intense sexual bond.
Be their friend first. Keep it simple and peaceful.
Read more about the Taurus sun sign in love here.
3.Gemini In Love
Governed by their intellect, a Gemini in love doesn't necessarily require the emotional connection that is often associated with romantic relationships. This isn't to say that they don't have the capacity to be intimate. However, their sweet spot lies in the meeting of the minds. Symbolic of the twins, these curious lovers aspire to come into union with someone who can match their mental astute. It's imperative that their lover be able to hold a good conversation and even offer insights that Gemini hasn't even thought of themselves.
Throughout their early life, they have a tendency to date around before fate unites them with their twin. Bear in mind, that they aren't expecting you to be exactly like them. In actuality, they want you to be so damn comfortable being your most authentic, eccentric self that you seamlessly just gel into their lives like two quirky peas in a pod. As a mutable sign that is constantly evolving, it's important that their lover be flexible and open-minded to how expansive their Gemmie truly is.
Read more about the Gemini sun sign in love here.
4.Cancer In Love
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When it comes to love, Cancerians seek security. They are also attracted to people with strong family values. Best believe, they will definitely judge you by the way you treat your mother. You'll get some extra brownie points if you make an effort to connect with their parents as well. If a Cancer allows you into their precious space trust that, in due time, you will become an extension of their own family. It may take a little time for these cautious lovers to warm up to you but once they put down their guards, you can trust that you'll have a devoted partner for life.
They just don't allow any ol' body to access that part of themselves. Given their indirect—and sometimes passive-aggressive—nature, it's important for a Cancerian's partner to be just as perceptive as their crabby lover. They may not always tell you when something is wrong and more often than not, they hope you'll just "get it" like they often do. Once you start to learn the changing rhythms of their lunar energy, you'll be able to navigate their moodiness with ease and grace.
Read more about the Cancer sun sign in love here.
5.Leo In Love
What's the Leo zodiac sign like in love? In love, this affectionate zodiac sign loves to shower their significant other with words of affirmation and gifts. But this doesn't come without them vetting you first. Due to their generosity often being taken advantage of, Leo has learned the hard way that even their giving must have limits. To be their happiest, they must have a partner who is equally as generous (if not more). Leo needs a partner who doesn't mind stroking their ego with lavish expressions of love. If these sultry lovers don't feel worshipped, then it's a hard pass for them.
Being in a relationship with this fixed fire sign will test your patience at times given their stubborn, know-it-all nature. Sometimes it's best to just let them lead than to pick a fight. This doesn't mean you need to be a doormat; however, these feisty individuals do like a little push-back that could eventually lead to some frisky play time in the bedroom. When it comes to sex, Leo typically likes to dominate and they take a lot of pride in satisfying their lover.
Read more about the Leo sun sign in love here.
6.Virgo In Love
When it comes to a Virgo in love, there's a lot to unpack when it comes to "The Virgin" of the zodiac. Don't get it twisted though. These individuals are the epitome of "a lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets". Often mislabeled as prudish, Virgo is far from that. Now, yes, they can be selective (as anybody should be when it comes to relationships and sex) but once they connect with someone that truly sees them for who they are beyond their neatly packaged image, they will completely give of themselves to their lover. Their natural willingness to serve others makes them superior in the bedroom (that is, of course, if they're not consumed by performance anxiety).
Before you're granted the privilege of being sexually intimate with them, you must first put in the work of winning over their approval. As critical as Virgo can be of others, this is merely a reflection of how they are with themselves. Oftentimes, their own worst enemy, this analytical zodiac sign needs someone doesn't overthink everything. If you want to impress a Virgo, the easiest way to do so is by offering to help them with practical tasks like cleaning up, running errands, and making sure they eat in the midst of their hectic schedule.
Read more about the Virgo sun sign in love here.
7.Libra In Love
With Venus as their planetary ruler, it's rare that you ever find the lovebirds alone. Their natural affinity for being in partnership typically makes them an easy person to be with. However, be equipped to read in between the lines if you're getting romantically involved with a Libra. They have a hard time speaking up even regarding the most annoying, and sometimes even disrespectful, behaviors. This isn't to say that they're naive and willing to put up with being mistreated for too long. Just like with anyone, they have their breaking point, too.
As accommodating as they can be, in love, it's important that Libra have a thoughtful lover that is willing to give their personal helper a little assistance as well. Even though they are self-sufficient when it comes to their work, it doesn't hurt to offer some assistance which can be as simple as figuring out where the two of you will eat for dinner. Known for being ridiculously indecisive, a simple decision can turn into a day-long affair. Although their inability to make a quick decision can get annoying after while, you'll equally find appreciation in their ability to see both sides of a story.
Read more about the Libra sun sign in love here.
8.Scorpio In Love
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More than likely, a Scorpio wrote the prototype marriage vows particularly that one line that emphasizes "until death do us part." Once they're in a relationship, they are in it which typically grants them the wherewithal to deal with toxic bullsh*t a lot longer than most—all for the sake of an eternal love. They are literally obsessed with the idea of finding, and possessing, that one special person that just gets all of their weird ways that most people don't have the patience to understand. If you're thinking about partnering up with one of these sultry hotties be prepared to merge your souls-- possibly through some sort of blood binding ritual that will seal your fates together for all of eternity. *inserts evil laugh*
Exaggeration or not, a Scorpio in love aims to go deep (in more ways than one). Commonly known as the freakiest sign of the zodiac, they aim to please but don't mind taking on a more dominating role either. Remember—they're ancient ruler is Mars. During sex, they prefer a rough ride whether they're the ones getting pushed around or the one handing out the lashings while they have you handcuffed to the bed. There will never be a dull moment in the bedroom with these pleasers.
Read more about the Scorpio sun sign in love here.
9.Sagittarius In Love
With freedom being their top priority, Sagittarius usually takes the longest to explore their options prior to "settling down." In their younger years, it's typically best to allow them free reign. Committing at a young age can be disastrous for them and anyone they're involved with due to their wandering eye. Over time, they'll eventually get tired of the fleeting, whirlwind romances that don't seem to amount to much but a sexy situationship. Given their impulsivity, they can be promiscuous when single.
Once they actually decide they want to be in a relationship, it's important to keep things fresh to keep them interested. Not one for vanilla sex, Sagittarius wants a partner who is open to exploring some unconventional methods. Out of all of the zodiac signs, they'd likely consider an open relationship. As much space as they need to do their own thing, a long-distance relationship could be perfect for them.
Read more about the Sagittarius sun sign in love here.
10.Capricorn In Love
Typically, a Capricorn in love likes to take their time in building a relationship. Remember, they are an Earth sign so they're going to move a little slower but usually with good reason. With their legacy being an important factor, they have no problem waiting until they hit the genetic jackpot. As driven as they are, it's important for their partner to have their own thing going on so they don't suffocate the poor Capricorn who gets a bit squeamish if emotions get involved too quickly.
Secretly, these composed lovers desire to surrender to wild romance; however, their Saturnian nature won't allow their feelings to trump their logic. It takes a special person to see through this defense mechanism and to not take it personally when they're immersed in their work (it's their happy, safe place). They have a tendency to distract themselves with work when their feelings get stirred up. In due time, they'll grant you access to their precious inner world in which you'll begin to see the innocence and purity that lies within them.
Read more about the Capricorn sun sign in love here.
11.Aquarius In Love
With an Aquarius, or any sign, it's important to learn their love language. As a masculine Air sign, this isn't the most emotionally expressive zodiac sign (although you'd be surprised by the chaos that is underneath the surface of their steely-eyed gaze). Sometimes referred to as the Ice Queen/King, it can take a little time for them to warm up to a new suitor. In the earlier stages of a connection, they're enticed by the idea of picking someone's brain to figure out who they're dealing with. The road to intimacy is a well thought-out process so you can forget about this sign falling head over heels for you (unless they have some prominent Water or Fire placements in their chart).
Oftentimes, it's common for an Aquarius to end up pursuing a relationship with a long-time friend. They like to know that there is common ground between them and their partner that isn't solely based on a physical attraction or the oh so dreaded feelings. Sometimes they can send mixed signals in an attempt to create emotional distance and to emphasize their independence. If they're not careful, someone can easily take their approach as a lack of interest.
Read more about the Aquarius sun sign in love here.
12.Pisces In Love
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As a mutable Water sign, Pisces can be a little difficult to figure out but that's also the allure about them. On one hand, they can be sympathetic and compassionate, while on the other hand they can be distrustful and wounded. Not one to dive in head first, they prefer to test the waters before taking the plunge. In the beginning, Pisces will only reveal but so much as they do possess a mystique about them.
Once you've passed the test, they'll happily reveal their innermost self to you. Given their power of subtle influence, they have the ability to get their needs met—usually without even being direct. This is a result of their mastered manipulative streak which can sabotage the growth of the authentic relationships they deeply crave. Their sacrificial nature and giant hearts make them a sucker for people who are suffering. They are weak to a good sob story and love to be the one to pick up the pieces.
Read more about the Pisces sun sign in love here.
Featured image by Getty Images
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A big part of the clarity that is coming through this month is due to Neptune going direct in Pisces on December 10, after being retrograde here since July. With Neptune now direct, we are able to see our inspiration and creativity a little more clearly, providing the perfect energy for dreams and manifestation to be built upon. The smoke is clearing, and it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with this newfound clarity that this transit is bringing. Mercury also moves back into Sagittarius on December 11, which is great for communication and clarity, and the adventures you were trying to see through at the beginning of November come around for you again with greater purpose and support.
On December 15, Mars enters Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and this is the extra push we need to make important changes and to be on the path towards greater abundance, stability, and prosperity. Mars in Capricorn takes care of business, and we have extra energy at our disposal during this time to do so. This transit is an ideal time to focus on your career or financial goals for next year and to start putting some of these plans into motion now. A few days later, we have the New Moon of the month, which will be in Sagittarius on December 19, and this is the perfect New Moon to manifest.
The energy is high, magic is in the air, and it’s all about moving forward with the new beginnings that are inspiring you and bringing you joy to think about right now.
Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21, and this earth sign energy is how we heal, gain closure, and build new foundations in our world. With Venus also moving into a Capricorn a few days later, there is something about peace, prosperity, and security that we are gaining in life and in love as we close out the year, and this is what we need right now. This month is about reflecting on what was, letting go of old hurt, and renewing. December is an ending and a new beginning in one, and there is magic in this space to be created.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what December 2025 has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
December is a full-circle moment for you, Aries. You are seeing the gifts in your world and have a lot of gratitude for the way things have come about for you as of late. There are culminations in your world that are providing you with more abundance, stability, and community, and you are exactly where you are meant to be this month. With the Sun in a fellow fire sign and in your 9th house of travel for most of the month, December is a good time to get out of your comfort zone, explore the world around you, and get your body moving.
Mars, your ruling planet, also makes a change and moves into Capricorn on December 15, which will fuel your inspiration and power in your career space. You are making a lot of professional progress as we close out the year; however, make sure to be more mindful of your competitive drive right now. The New Moon on December 19 is the perfect opportunity for you to create some new plans and goals when it comes to traveling, education, and where you want to gain some new inspiration in your world. Overall, this is a month of things coming together for you serendipitously.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
December is about trusting your intuition, Taurus. You have a lot on your mind this month, and it’s best to delegate, communicate, and allow yourself some relief by opening up to someone and not feeling like you have to hold everything in. As we begin the month, we have a Supermoon in Gemini happening in your house of income, and the plans and projects you have been building here come to fruition for you now. This is the time to gain clarity on your financial world and to take a look at what spending habits you want to let go of here as well.
With Venus in your 8th house of shared resources for most of the month, you are doing a cleanse on your commitments, partnerships, and business ventures. You are taking a look at what you want to dedicate yourself to in the future, and what commitments you may need to let go of now in order to be in the space you truly want to be, both financially and within some of your relationship dynamics. Before we end the month, we have a New Moon in this same area of your chart, and it’s time to look at the opportunities that are presenting themselves and to trust your internal guidance system to lead you forward.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
You are moving forward fearlessly this month, Gemini. December is your month of love, passion, and dignity, and you are owning the light that you shine. We begin the month with the last Supermoon of the year, happening in your sign, and you are stepping up to the plate. You are showing up, owning how much you have grown this year, and allowing yourself to heal while also acknowledging that you have done your best and you deserve to have fun in the midst of the changes you are creating.
Mercury, your ruling planet, is officially out of retrograde, and you can use this energy to the fullest potential now. With Mercury in your 7th house of love, it’s time to speak from the heart and to talk about the things that matter and that are inspiring you right now to your loved ones. You never know what kind of epiphanies you may have when you open up the conversation to others. Before the month ends, you have a New Moon in this same love area of your chart, and this New Moon is all about manifesting romance, commitment, and abundance in your world.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
December is an opening for more love, more joy, and more freedom in your life, Cancer. You have come to a place where you hold so much gratitude in your heart for where you are today and where your heart is shining, and things come together for you with more ease right now. With the Sun in your 6th house of health, work, and daily routines for most of the month, you are getting your ducks in a row while also putting more energy and effort into taking care of yourself, your priorities, and your well-being. This month surprises you in many ways, and it’s because you are showing up.
Mars and Venus both move into your house of love, relationships, marriage, and abundance this month, and you are making strides in your love life. You have both of these opposing forces on your side and are being recognized for the love you are while also receiving the love you want. This month, overall, is about focusing more on the positives in your world and letting your heart have its joy. Before December comes to an end, there is a New Moon in Sagittarius, and this is the perfect opportunity to create the plans you want to see through next year, especially when it comes to your work life, colleagues, business ventures, and health.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
The scales of karma are balancing, and they are balancing in your favor this month, Leo. December is your month of truth, and of seeing it clearly in your world. The Sun is in your house of romance, pleasure, and happiness for most of the month, and it’s time to relax, be in the present moment, and allow what is meant to be, to be. With a Supermoon in your 11th house of manifestation as December begins, this is a powerful month for seeing your dreams come to fruition, and for feeling like the intentions you have set this year are finally here for you now.
Mars also moves into your 6th house mid-month, and this is the perfect energy to have to move into the new year. You have extra energy at your disposal right now and are feeling fearless with what is possible for you and your daily routine. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in a fellow fire sign, Sagittarius, and this is a breakthrough moment for you and your heart. December, overall, wants to show you how loved and supported you are and will be doing so in magical, unexpected, and concrete ways.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
December is a month of victory, Virgo. You are showing up and experiencing some new successes in your world that move you forward on your path in life. With a Supermoon in your 10th house of career as we begin the month, the effort and intentions you have made this year come into full bloom, and you are being recognized for who you are and the good work you have done. This month is all about showing up and allowing yourself to be seen and loved, knowing that you deserve the support and opportunities you are receiving.
Mars moves into Capricorn on December 15, which brings the passion and excitement into your love life, hobbies, and little pleasures in life that light you up. You want to have fun this month and are going to be walking into the new year with this fearless, happy, and spontaneous energy within you. Before the month ends, Venus also enters Capricorn, and in this same area of your chart, you have a lot to look forward to and believe in right now. Overall, December wants you to be happy and will be doing everything possible to make that happen for you. This is your month to shine, Virgo.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
December is a month of opportunity for you, Libra. New doors open, and you are financially making breakthroughs this month because of it. December begins with a Supermoon in your 9th house, and you are getting a clearer view of where you have been making strides in your life and how it has all brought you here to this present moment of freedom. This month is showing you what happens when you are fearless with your purpose and when you believe in yourself and what you are worthy of.
Moving further into December, Mars moves into your 4th house of home and family mid-month, and you are closing out the year in your safe spaces. You are spending more time with your loved ones and taking the time to quiet your mind and listen to what your heart has been telling you. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, happening in an area of your life that deals with communication. This is a great time for getting the answers you have been looking for and for feeling more clear-headed and confident about the decisions you are making as you move into the new year.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
Patience is a virtue this month, Scorpio. December is all about remaining patient and vigilant with what you are creating in your world, and knowing that the universe has your back. It’s time to be reminded of the power of hope, and this month is an opening to greater clarity in your life. There is a lot of energy in your financial zones right now, and this is providing you with new opportunities and new insight; however, the speed at which things come about for you may feel daunting. Keep your head up and eyes focused on what you want and know that you are more than worthy of receiving it.
With Mercury in your 2nd house of income this month, December is a good time to plant new seeds and to think about where you want to be financially a month from now or even a year. This month is asking you to think bigger and to think more long-term so that you can set the appropriate plans into motion now. We also have a New Moon in your house of income before the month ends, and this is when you will see more of your dreams come to fruition in this area of your life, and have more opportunities to build. Overall, December will be teaching you a lot, Scorpio.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
Sagittarius Season is here, and there is a lot in store for you this month, Sag. December is all about what you are dedicating yourself to. It’s about setting your intentions and putting the work in to back up your dreams, and about getting things in order so that when the new beginnings come, you are ready for them. The Sun and Venus are in your sign for most of this month, and there are a lot of eyes on you right now. You have the potential to create a new beginning for yourself, and it’s time to invest in yourself, your love life, and your dreams.
Mercury moves into Sagittarius on December 11, and this is giving you another opportunity to see through some of the plans that you had initiated in November. Mercury was retrograde in your sign last month, and there may have been some disruptions to your vision and plans for the future, and now this energy is turning around for you. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in Sagittarius, and you are walking through new doors fearlessly. You are catching others by surprise by your growth this month, and you are thinking a lot about your purpose, future, and plans for the new year.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
December is all about the vision, Capricorn. You are moving through a lot of changes and transformations this month, yet they are giving you a chance at a new beginning in the process. You are focused more on the future and what goals you want to manifest for yourself right now, and are ready to let go of what hasn’t been working for you. With the Sun in your 12th house of closure for most of December, this is your time for healing, but remember, healing doesn’t have to be isolating or boring; you can thrive while you renew, and you are this month.
Mid-month, the excitement picks up for you, and you are feeling more energized than you have in a while. Mars moves into Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and you are being proactive with your goals, intentions, and passions. You are a force to be reckoned with this month, and you are making things happen for yourself with confidence. Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21 this year, and this is definitely speeding up your healing process. You are breaking free from what was, and with Venus also moving into Capricorn before the month ends, you are leaving this year in high spirits and with love opening a new door for you.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
December is all about community, creativity, and manifestation, Aquarius. This is the month to work together with others to help bring your dreams to life. You are in a space of inspiration, empowerment, and beauty, and are creating more of this energy around you and in your world. Look out for what support comes your way this month and know that you don’t have to do everything alone to succeed. With the Sun in your 11th house of manifestation and friendship, your intentions are coming to fruition, and it’s time to celebrate with the people you love and to own how far you have come this year.
On December 19, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, lighting up your life in all of the best ways possible. This is your New Moon of freedom, victory, and magic, and you are seeing new beginnings appear that you were once just hoping for. Before the month comes to an end, Venus moves into your 12th house of closure, and after an active and successful month, you are ready to relax, heal, and give your heart some of the attention it has been asking for. You are moving into the new year with the need to release and renew what hasn’t been working in your relationships, and you are finally ready to.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
December is a big month for you, Pisces. You are making some huge accomplishments this month, and are feeling like everything you have been through this year has been worth it for these moments that are coming to fruition for you now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career and reputation for most of the month, and this is where a lot of your focus is right now. You are claiming your successes and putting yourself out there in ways that not only serve you, but that inspire others as well.
Neptune officially goes direct on December 10, after being retrograde in your sign since July, and you are finally seeing things a little more clearly. You are feeling renewed inspiration and passion in your life, and your intuition is your strongest asset right now. Before December comes to an end, we also have a New Moon in your 10th house of career, and what happens now not only changes things for you in the present, but it also opens new doors and what is possible for you in the new year as well. Overall, you are on top of your game this month and are owning the joy and empowerment you feel.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Oh, but there are plenty of people whose egos have them thinking that they can read someone else’s mind. Then there are others who have fantasies, which create unrealistic expectations that others in their lives actually should read their mind. And you know what — both of these things can cause unnecessary stress, drama, and trauma, if folks aren’t careful.
And that’s why I think it’s important that we unpack this a bit more. Because if you’re someone who thinks that if another person truly cares for you, they should be able to read your mind, it’s time to let that ridiculous yet semi-popular notion absolutely and completely go.
Here’s why.
It’s Scientifically Impossible for Someone to Read Your Mind
There are a couple of reasons why I am starting this off with R&B singer Avant. For one thing, I don’t think that he gets nearly enough flowers and secondly, clearly, this is a more-than-fitting song for today’s topic, wouldn’t you say? Because, lawd, there really is something that makes some of us feel all warm ‘n fuzzy about the mere thought of a man telling us that he is so in tuned with us that he can basically read our mind.
Hmph. Problem with that is, as I said in the intro, it is scientifically impossible (for us and for AI to do, praise the Lord!). And yet the fact that so many individuals think that they defy scientific data and research is oftentimes why there are so many breakdowns in communication — because if you run on assumption (that you can read someone’s mind) without clarification and confirmation, you can create issues that didn’t exist before you decided to fall for your own mind-reading theories.
Now to be fair, while science is still trying to figure out why we can’t read minds, what is sure is that we do have the capability to perceive the thoughts and actions of others if we’re willing to pay really close attention. However, do keep in mind that reading and perceiving are different. Reading? It’s about being able "to apprehend or interpret the meaning of" and "to anticipate, expect, or calculate by observation." Perceiving? It’s all about “to become aware of, know, or identify by means of the senses” and “to recognize, discern, envision, or understand.”
And already, do you see the differences? So much certainty comes with reading while perceiving is about humbling oneself (bookmark that) to not try to know everything but instead to try and understand what is transpiring. And since no one person (or their mind) is ever truly static, that is a huge part of the reason why believing that you can read someone’s mind — no matter how close you may be to them — is futile. You can change your mind on a dime. Others can do the same. Learning to perceive what is going on instead of assuming that you can “read” folks is far more beneficial.
Besides, you might be surprised by a particular demo who thinks that if you are truly who they need you to be, you will read their minds — and boy, once you know who they are, that may cure you of the whole “read your mind” ish…quick, fast and in a hurry.
The Expectation Is Oftentimes Rooted in Egomania
GiphyWhile doing a bit of research on this topic, I thought it was interesting that a particular type of person kept coming up. Can you guess which one? A NARCISSIST. What I kept noticing is a telling sign of a narcissistic individual is they expect others to read their mind.
I must admit that I was caught off guard by that at first because narcissists and their damn egos are so out of control (bookmark that) that it would seem like they would be more focused on acting like they know the thoughts of other people. Here’s the thing, though — the reason why narcissists want others to read their mind is because they want you to do things like guess what they want and need before they ask — and they want that to happen because they believe that they are so damn special that you should put in the extra blood, sweat and tears to figure it all out. Hmph. Now that tracks.
Another reason why narcissists want you to be able to read their mind is so they can manipulate and deflect. Meaning, if you say and do things based on what you thought they wanted you to, should everything crash and burn, they can dodge accountability and blame you for it. Hmm, does reading someone’s mind seem romantic and beautiful now? SMDH.
And again, all of this is tied to ego because, at the end of the day, mind-reading is a form of control and narcissists are definitely very controlling people. And honestly, mind-reading is as well because why do you even want to know someone’s private thoughts before they share them and, at the same time, why would you want someone to have that kind of power in your life either? “Eww” is what immediately comes to my mind. “Yuck” is what follows.
So, why is it that so many people think that it’s a good thing to have someone read their mind — I mean, the ones who don’t show narcissistic tendencies, that is? Good question.
5 Reasons Why Some People Wish Someone Would/Could Read Their Mind
GiphyOkay, so ego and pridefulness aside, what would be some other reasons why people think that it’s such a wonderful thing if someone who they are in some sort of intimate relationship with can read their mind.
1. They are caught up in Disney and rom-coms. One day, I am going to do an article on all of the ways that Disney and rom-coms have destroyed the reality of relationships. For now, I’ll just say that the scripted tales of both have caused a lot of people to think that if someone loves them, they should be able to read their mind. Nooo…if someone loves you, they should care to know what is on your mind. And that brings me to the second point.
2. They aren’t as good at communicating as they think. Are you a good communicator? One way to know if you are is you’re able to clearly articulate your wants and needs — because really, if you are able to do that, why should anyone even need to read your mind? Feel me? Let’s move on.
3. They want someone else to work harder at their relationships than they do. I say it in my sessions often — it’s beyond crazy to think that someone should work harder at figuring out what your wants, needs and expectations are than you are willing to express them. Hmph. It makes me think of a friend of mine who says that “should” is a dangerous word. What she means by that is saying that someone should do or not do something simply because YOU THINK that’s how it “should” go is a surefire way to stay disappointed and even be disillusioned. No, your man shouldn’t just know what you want every year for your birthday. Did you state it? If not, why aren’t you playing fair? Who has time for all of the guessing games and then getting penalized if they guess wrong? Stop it.
4. They think it’s the sign of a healthy relationship (it isn’t). Anyone who knows me knows that I am always and forever going to be Team Healthy over Team Happy and my reason why never changes. Only children expect to live in a world where they are happy all of the time — and yes, there are a lot of childish people out here. People who want their mind read? They tend to live in happy land. Meanwhile, a healthy relationship knows that clear communication, mutual respect, keen listening, patience and understanding that humans make mistakes are foundational to its success.
5. They are lazy. And yes y’all, some people want others to read their mind because they are lazy and it really is just as simple as that. Thing is, while they are being passive aggressive, dropping hints or giving the silent treatment so that you can figure out whatever it is that they…want you to figure out, that tends to take more effort than simply speaking up. Ridiculous, chile.
How to Let the Myth Go
GiphyGee, after reading all of this, suddenly reading minds just seems like a lot of silliness with a sprinkle of drama and potential trauma, doesn’t it? And it’s all because some people choose to treat something that is a myth like it’s a bona fide fact. SMDH.
And what if you happen to be one of those individuals? How do you break free? COMMUNICATE. Openly, clearly and maturely share what’s on your mind and heart because, the true tell of a solid relationship isn’t that someone can read your mind; it’s that they can retain what you’ve already stated.
Less reading. More perceiving. That’s the secret sauce.
And when you accept this for what it is, you will realize that it’s far better for you, your partner and your relationship to stop expecting the impossible and to accept what is actual: that learning your partner, as they strive to do the same thing with you, is better than you both assuming that you know what…maybe you do, maybe you don’t.
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Author Frank Sonnenberg once said, “People can’t hear what you don’t say. Thinking isn’t communicating” — and I think this is a perfect place to bring all of this to a close.
Find the kind of relationship(s) where intention is so strong that mind-reading isn’t even desired.
At the end of the day, it really is as simple as that.
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