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We've Heard Of Demisexuals, But What Is A Demiromantic?
That moment when you discover a word that's so fitting, so appropriate--not only do you feel enlightenment but also seen. When people ask what labels do for us, I imagine that it's just that. They make us feel seen! If you're an active Twitter user, you've seen this play out in real time for the masses. Ironically, labels are like social media -- they have the power to make you feel totally isolated or understood. Which is why we're very much torn between "I don't subscribe to labels" and "Buy me a label maker for Christmas."
It's human nature to be curious, but with that curiosity comes the doctrine that all things must be labeled in order to further understand. Abstract, foreign, subjective concepts aren't something we've been socialized to just "get". It takes a creative, innovative, abstract mind. In short, it requires an open mind that can see beyond their own socialization. With language--is the inevitable evolution of it. Language says, "If you knew me yesterday, allow me to reintroduce myself tomorrow and the next day."
With that in mind, it can admittedly be difficult and even uncomfortable when you're unsure of how and when to use new terms or how they fit into your world. This especially seems to be the case around language surrounding sexuality, likely because our understanding of human sexuality is just as, if not, more evolutional. But in addition to being thoughtful to others who may not want to be boxed into the binaries of the world, it's nice to be in the know of new language for our own personal growth and understanding of ourselves as well as others.
Maybe you've heard of the word "demisexual" but have no damn idea what "demiromantic" is. Say less, read on. Psychotherapist and blogger, Monica Renae M.A. APC gave us a deep dive into what it means to be demiromantic vs. demisexual -- the tale of one prefix (meaning "half" or "lesser"), and two slightly different words.
What Does Demiromantic Mean?
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In defining what it means to be demiromantic, Renae began by clarifying what it means to be demisexual. She explained, "Demisexuals require a deeper understanding of people before sexual attraction manifests whereas most other people, with the exclusion of asexuals, experience the general sexual attraction without knowing much of anything about the individual(s)."
Quick xoPoll: Raise your hand if your panties have ever been personally victimized by thoughts of Morris Chestnut, Rihanna, or whoever recently? Well, according to our expert, "Demisexuals typically weren't screaming at boy bands or fantasizing about an actress as an adolescent."
Instead, "Demisexuals and demiromantics focus on emotional bonding, those connections lead to different aspects of the relationship." For demiromantics, these aspects may include sex (eventually) but are not limited to sex. As the word suggests, "Demiromantics need to know more about a person(s) before romantic interest can be established. There's no rush to crush with demiromantics."
I imagine that this also means demiromantics can have casual, "no strings attached" sex with more ease because they might have sexual feelings without desiring for sex to end in a RomCom "happy" ending. The ones that many of us can't really turn off. Demiromantics may be people who cringe at superficial first date conversations, instead, they want to get into the deeper "what makes you tick…(emotionally speaking)?" conversations.
I understand it as a parallel to sapioromantic, where those who identify as such cannot establish a romantic connection without the intellectual. Sapios want to geek out and demis want to "deep out". Their subconscious simply won't allow them to get butterflies over a "good morning" text.
I think understanding the difference lies in unlearning the socialization that romantic and sexual feelings must be present in all scenarios. Probably another ploy from the patriarchy used to slut-shame women. This is not me negating the science that says love hormones that create emotional attachment during sex aren't real, but the myth that if you can bypass that and have sex when you want, how you want, with whom you want, then something is wrong with you.
When Is It Demiromance & When Is It...Not?
While our sexual and romantic identities can evolve throughout our lives, and anyone can identify as demi, it's important to introspectively flip through your lived experiences and determine whether what you've experienced/experience is related to demisexuality, demiromance, or … a matter of attachment style.
"In some instances, there are people that develop deep emotional connections post-sexual encounters. [Although], this can be due to a number of reasons...attachment style is the main. For those with a preoccupied attachment style, sex may be misunderstood as emotional commitment. 'I shared something intimate therefore there's greater meaning to our relationship.'" Monica points out, that this likely has more to do with "attachment style" and less to do with sexual and romantic preferences.
For this, she recommends "a 'slow to touch' approach and a focus on being present with potential partners in order to determine if there is a genuine romantic connection."
But, how do I know if I’m demiromantic? According to Monica Renae, ask these two questions:
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- In looking at your dating history, do you see a common pattern?
- Were all of your romantic partners friends first?
If in assessing potential dating partners, you are not moved to date people, you barely know or you don't 'crush' on those whom you have not established an emotional bond with, you may be demiromantic. Keep in mind, unlike demisexuals, demiromantics can experience general sexual attraction. Having a one night stand is separate from romantic desire.
In a world where "coming out" has damn near become a mandate for anyone who has had an epiphany that falls outside the binary, she reminds us "there's no need to plan a large coming out but rather [creating] a deeper awareness of yourself."
That growing awareness of self requires you to "accept that this is how you healthily function in the dating world and not force yourself to do as others do." Renae says to "think deeply about your values and desires that you'd ideally seek in a romantic partner. This will help you weed through dates with more certainty and less anxiety." This will help you in "communicating the way in which you operate with potential partners is essential" because "as with any intention" this is necessary.
On the flip side, if you're someone who is romantically involved with a demiromantic, "it's important that you respect their boundaries by not pushing to speed the relationship ahead. Participate in creating an environment of openness that will allow the both of you to get to know one another better."
The importance of communication cannot be overstated and so she leaves us with a simple but important gem: "Moral of the story for either party, 'communicate, communicate again, and some mo'.'"
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Motor City native, Atlanta living. Sagittarius. Writer. Sexpert. Into all things magical, mystical, and unknown. I'll try anything at least once but you knew that the moment I revealed that I was a Sag.
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
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Mariee Revere On Her History-Making Million-Dollar Sales And The Future Of MoonXCosmetics
If the name Mariee Revere sounds familiar, it's probably because you heard of her beauty and skincare brand, MoonXCosmetics, or you may have heard about her history-making achievement of making $1.8 million in less than eight minutes. But before starting her million-dollar brand, Mariee was just a teenager trying to cure her acne.
While she grew up in the skincare capital of the world, South Korea, Mariee didn't really experience breakouts until her senior year of high school. Like many people who get their first breakout, she didn't know what to do, and there weren't many products out there at that time. So she decided to experiment. What she didn't know was that what she came up with would ultimately be her ticket to success.
"When I graduated high school, I moved back to America, Georgia, and I ended up making, like, the oil, the Rose Galore oil, which is like the staple product of my brand. I don't know what made me make it, but I did, and it literally cleared my face up," she tells xoNecole in an exclusive interview.
"I end up selling it as a body oil first because, obviously, I'm 17, [and] don't have any background as an esthetician or anything like that. I just made a product that worked for me, but people bought it and was using it, and I reformulated it, and then it just stuck like with me."
While MoonXCosmetics is known for its facial products, it wants to expand to body care and home. It just released its new product, Moon-Gel body wash, and it's only up from there. As Mariee continues to grow the brand, it's more than likely that she will see more history-making moments. And so far she has.
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When asked if she feels pressure to obtain more of those milestones, she says yes and no. "I did $1.8 [million] again, and then I did $2 million but I feel like now, currently, I don't look at that as one of my goals anymore because [of] the headache and just everything that came with it, but I was thankful and blessed to have that milestone, but now I'm looking for more," she says.
"I want to say more reach than more like fast-paced sales. I do want that. Obviously, every girl wants that, but I do want to have a better overall reach for my brand because I did take two years off so I was able to learn, [and] study a lot of different things. See how things have changed from 2020 to now."
"I did $1.8 [million] again, and then I did $2 million but I feel like now, currently, I don't look at that as one of my goals anymore because [of] the headache and just everything that came with it, but I was thankful and blessed to have that milestone, but now I'm looking for more."
Another part of expanding for any company is hiring people. Finding the right person to help you can be a hassle, especially for business owners who are used to doing all the work themselves. Mariee can relate to this, and she touched on this topic in her documentaryThe Million Dollar Story. She recommends having someone be your "right-hand man" who you trust to handle the ins and outs of the company.
"I could say, definitely get, like a right-hand man to help you within the process because that really was what helped me. I never had a job. I literally was 18 now, being like, you know, the boss of over 30+ employees at one point in time, and I didn't know anything. I didn't know anything about no W-2s, no taxes, no clock in, clock out because all I [have] ever known was my brand," she explains.
"So I definitely partner with people who are very skewed and versed in those areas, and they helped me get through it. Even to this day, I still have my same person helping me with hiring, firing, [and] doing everything that I can right now because I'm still learning. But obviously people get jobs young, so they have way more experience than me, but still learning."
And though she is still learning, one thing she makes sure to stay on top of is being consistent. Consistency is what trips many people up when it comes to achieving goals, but Mariee says it's all about scheduling. Whether it's when to post on social media or email marketing, scheduling it out can make a world of difference. That same practice also works when planning out her future goals for the company.
"Right now, future goals would be to drop at least five more products before the end of the year. We always do outreach, where we do drives and all that, but definitely do way more this year, she says. "Then really dive into body [care], and then hopefully open up MoonXBody underneath MoonXCosmetics to let that branch out and be open and definitely get back consistent."
For more information, visit moonxco.com.
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