4 Couples Reveal The Beauty Of Putting In Work For The Love They Deserve
Someone once told me love is the most powerful force in the universe. The power of love can unify, heal, uplift, and bring us to new heights. But, just like the universe, love can also be very complex. Love is the gateway to vulnerability. It's us completely letting someone into our insecurities, traumas, and deepest secrets. Love is kind. It's being gentle and compassionate to ourselves and others even when we don't fully understand. Love is forgiving. It's using pain as an opportunity for growth and strength rather than an excuse to stay angry. Above all else, love is genderless and colorless.
Love comes in many definitions, but I think we all can agree that love is a daily practice that takes work. I always wondered why the idea of "work" always seemed to have a negative connotation for most, especially when work in partnership can be the key to us being the best version of ourselves. I wanted to explore this idea further, of love and work and love being the kind of work you enjoy. I had the pleasure of talking to a few couples about their idea of work, growth, and the hard lessons they've learned in love.
Brandie & Her Partner On How They Define Work In Their Relationship:
Courtesy of Brandie & her partner
"Our definition of work in a relationship is growing through life together. The good times are good but I want to know that I have someone solid when things are rough, when they're ugly, when my hair's a mess, when I'm depressed when I'm angry when I'm uncomfortable. Through all seasons and in all ways. A relationship will never be all sunshine.
"It takes rain to grow flowers, it takes dirt to nurture them too. Take care of your relationship the way the earth takes care of a flower, and by no means forget about the sunshine."
"We measure growth by our communication. We can talk to each other about anything. Things that could make a couple blush, we enjoy sharing. We talk when we're angry, we talk when we're sad, we talk when we're happy. We respect each other's space as well. These are things we didn't always do, when we look back it's a feeling of rejoicing to see how far we've come. We understand that to grow, change must be willing to take place, so if ever you're feeling stuck, we know a growth spurt is near our relationship. We welcome it with open arms."
Shay & Jeremiah On Putting Work Into Their Relationship To Keep It Healthy:
Courtesy of Jeremiah & Shay
"We understood the value of proactive therapy. We started going to financial counseling, even before we got engaged. We had a vision of the life we wanted in the future, and know we needed to start before he proposed. Then, after getting engaged, we began faith-based premarital counseling. That was a game-changer! We highly recommend that couples who are dating on a serious level, do some type of therapy before getting engaged. It teaches you so much about not only your partner but about yourself.
"'Sometimes you just won't have the answer. Ask yourself, 'Can you live with it?' If so, then let it go.' This mantra has always saved us from going down a rabbit hole during disagreements. There have been times when one of us was frustrated about something, but deep down it was because we were triggered by something else. Becoming one with your partner doesn't make your individual experiences and past traumas just disappear. So we need to remember that it is natural to bump heads with the person you love."
Andrea & Donnie On The Biggest Lessons Learned Throughout 24 Years Of Marriage:
Photo Credit: Ebes OlumeseCourtesy of Andrea & Donnie
"My greatest lesson is not moving through life, or this marriage feeling like I'm superwoman! I have a life partner, where I have learned to let down my guard and not be the tough girl. And, trust me, it took some years to get here. But I allow myself to be vulnerable, even in marriage, letting my husband be the man he was raised to be, as well as the provider and protector of his kingdom!
"The best advice I have to offer is to first of all, not look for happiness in anyone outside of yourself. Once you know how to make yourself happy, and love everything about yourself, then you'll have no problem teaching others how to love you, because there's a difference in how people love you, and how you allow them to love you!"
Tiffany & Kevin On How The Work In Their Partnership Has Made Them Better:
Photo Credit: Elizabeth Austin DavisCourtesy of Tiffany & Kevin
"If your partner doesn't make you better, they ain't the one! I'm naturally very introverted and throughout the years, my husband has inspired me to take more risks and follow my creative path. We talk all the time about endlessly leaving room for growth. He knows that if he decides next week, he completely wants to change directions, I'll be like, 'OK...what's the plan?!' And vice versa.
"The freedom and support to be who we are, make us the best versions of ourselves if that makes sense."
"We both learned that love does not have a universal definition. We think each relationship you have may exhibit love in different ways. In realizing that, it freed us from having to live up to anything we'd seen before, but instead, build our unique definition of love."
Featured image by Elizabeth Austin Davis, c/o Tiffany & Kevin
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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You've Never Seen Luke James In A Role Quite Like This
Over the years, we've watched Luke James play countless characters we'd deem sex symbols, movie stars, and even his complicated character in Lena Waithe's The Chi. For the first time in his career, the New Orleans-born actor has taken on a role where his signature good looks take a backseat as he transforms into Edmund in Them: The Scare—a mentally deranged character in the second installment of the horror anthology series that you won't be able to take your eyes off.
Trust us, Edmund will literally make you do a double take.
xoNecole sat down with Luke James to talk about his latest series and all the complexity surrounding it—from the challenges taking on this out-of-the-box role to the show's depiction of the perplexing history of the relationship between Black Americans and police. When describing the opportunity to bring Edmund's character to life, Luke was overjoyed to show the audience yet another level of his masterful acting talents.
"It was like bathing in the sun," he said. "I was like, thank you! Another opportunity for me to be great—for me to expand my territory. I'm just elated to be a part of it and to see myself in a different light, something I didn't think I could do." He continued, "There are parts of you that says, 'Go for it because this is what you do.' But then also that's why it's a challenge because you're like, 'um, I don't know if I'm as free as I need to be to be able to do this.' Little Marvin just created such a safe space for me to be able to do this, and I'm grateful for everything I've been able to do to lead to this."
Courtesy
Them: The Scare, like the first season, shines a light on the plight of Black Americans in the United States. This time, the story is taking place in the 1990s, at the height of the Rodney King riots in Los Angeles. While the series presents many underlying themes, one that stands out is Black people and the complicated relationship with the police. "For the audience, I think it sets the tone for the era that we're in and the amount of chaos that's in the air in Los Angeles and around the country from this heinous incident. And I say it just sets the tone of the anxiety and anxiousness that everybody is feeling in their own households."
James has been a longtime advocate against police brutality himself. He has even featured Elijah McClain, the 23-year-old Colorado man who died after being forcibly detained by officers, as his Instagram avatar for the past five years. So, as you can imagine, this script was close to his heart. "Elijah was a soft-loving oddball. Different than anyone but loving and a musical genius. He was just open and wanted to be loved and seen."
Getty Images
Luke continued, "His life was taken from him. I resonate with his spirit and his words...through all the struggle and the pain he still found it in him to say, 'I love you and I forgive you.' And that's who we are as people—to our own detriment sometimes. He's someone I don't want people to forget. I have yet to remove his face from my world because I have yet to let go of his voice, let go of that being [because] there's so many people we have lost in our history that so often get forgotten."
He concluded, "I think that's the importance of such artwork that moves us to think and talk about it. Yes, it's entertaining. We get to come together and be spooked together. But then we come together and we think, 'Damn, Edmund needed someone to talk to. Edmund needed help... a lot [of] things could have been different. Edmund could have been saved.'
Check out the full interview below.
Luke James Talks Ditching Sex Symbol Status For "Them: The Scare", Elijah McClain, & Morewww.youtube.com
Featured image by Getty Images