Jada Pinkett Smith Thinks The Expectation Of Romance Ruins The Reality Of Marriage
Actress Jada Pinkett Smith has been consistently dropping gems on us, and now more than ever with Red Table Talk. She took to her Instagram to share another life lesson that she has gained through her own experience, which is that romantic love, though a major component in relationships, is not enough to sustain a healthy marriage.
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The idea that a long-standing and healthy union takes a lot of effort from both husband and wife is no secret and is not unique to Will and Jada's marriage of over twenty years. However, the reality is, that at moments, the person you vowed to spend the rest of your life with may make you cringe at the sight of them for one reason or another. This is a hard pill to swallow when society depicts a thriving marriage as two people who are head over heels in love with each other each and every day. Jada shared:
"I had an epiphany the other day. I had to call Will and say, 'You know what? I have to thank you for enduring my rage.' It made me realize how durable love must be because we don't have all the answers at the beginning, we go through life and we get the answers as we go, and we can break things as we are finding the answers."
For this couple, love has proven not only to be durable through the changes of life but adaptable to all of the ups and downs that life throws at us. Luckily for both Will and Jada, they have the type of relationship that allows them both to grow as individuals and come back with newfound perspectives that contribute to a healthy marriage. One of those newfound perspectives is that the theology that romantic love is enough to sustain a relationship is false. Jada shared how she became disillusioned:
"I used to believe that romantic love was the highest form of love until I realized how unmet standards of romantic love often justified it to turn into a cold heart that many times can fuel hateful and brutal actions of revenge and manipulation towards someone you 'say' or 'said' you loved. It actually may be the only form of love you can fall OUT of. At one point ... MY romantic standard of love was all that mattered and if it wasn't met ... there was more than hell to pay. My romantic standards were feeding my ego whether they were met or unmet."
When it comes to love of any kind, especially romantic, Jada emphasizes how important it is that we put effort into being our best selves, so that we can ultimately show up as our best selves in relationships. Furthermore, it is important to put ourselves in relationships with people who push us to be our best. Jada explained:
"I experienced some very hard lessons (and continue to do so) that formed the decision that my ego and my heart could not share the same space."
"It was also the deciding factor to transform my union to @willsmith from a marriage (contaminated with all the above) to a life partnership led by and steeped in 'devotional friendship'. The only thing to do in life is to find the form of love where we can give the best of ourselves AND ... it's not always going to look like you thought. Love, love and love some more ❤️"
In this day and age, where love is showcased on social media and, we only have access to a couple's highest moment but we still coin them as our #relationshipgoals (I am very guilty of this), it is important to aspire for the ingredients of healthy love, instead of idolizing what we perceive as the final product. That is because a healthy relationship is a work in progress, just as self-love is.
For any passion that we have, whether it be adopting a healthier lifestyle, a pursuit of an education, or just on the pursuit of happiness, anyone who is making strides towards those goals will tell you there are days they don't feel like doing the work. The workouts, the assignments, the self-care that needs to be done to achieve those goals is not always achieved through the feeling of motivation, but through the commitment of people who choose not to give up on their dreams.
I'd imagine that marriage is no different. As a single, young woman, I have yet to read the secret formula to marriage, but I'd imagine it entails a great deal of love, compassion, and the willingness to do the work necessary to keep a healthy relationship with each other.
Related Articles:
THIS Is The Reason Will Smith & Jada Pinkett Smith No Longer Say They're Married – Read More
Jada Pinkett Smith Gives Us The Secret To Healing From Heartbreak – Read More
How Will Smith's Revelation About Love Helped My Marriage – Read More
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New Jersey native creating a life that she loves while living in gratitude. She loves using beauty, and fashion to create a balanced lifestyle while prioritizing wellness. A devoted fur mom, and a full-time lover of laughter. She is out for revenge against the darkness by being light, taking her own advice, traveling the world, and letting you know that you are so lit! Connect with her via IG @iamzaniah and please visit Zaniahsworld.com
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Sheila Rashid's Androgynous Approach To Unisex Clothing Is A Lesson In Embracing Individuality
The ItGirl 100 List is a celebration of 100 Black women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table.
For Sheila Rashid, it all started with some free-hand drawings and a few strokes of paint.
The Chicago-based clothing designer and creative director of Sheila Rashid Brand recalls using her spare time in high school to hand paint designs on t-shirts and distressed hoodies, distributing them to classmates as walking billboards for her art.
Rashid sought to pursue fashion design at Columbia College in Chicago but eventually took the self-taught route to build upon her knack for crafting one-of-a-kind, androgynous pieces.
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Thanks to the mentorship of local designers taking her under their wings, Rashid was able to gain valuable experience in putting together collections and creating patterns; equipping her with them with the necessary skills to pursue her own collections.
After two years of living in New York, Rashid returned home to the Chi and uncovered the unique flair she could offer the city. “I moved to New York after that because I wanted to be in the fashion capital world,” she tells xoNecole. “That's when I really got a leg up. I found myself when I moved back to Chicago after moving to New York.”
For the Midwest native, inspiration comes from her time around creative peers and the city’s notorious winters — known to be a main character in many Chicagoans stories. “It's a different perspective and mindset when I'm making stuff because of the weather here,” she explains. “When we get summer, it’s ‘Summertime Chi’ — it's amazing. It's beautiful. Still, I find myself always making clothes that cater to the winter.”
"I moved to New York after that because I wanted to be in the fashion capital world. That's when I really got a leg up. I found myself when I moved back to Chicago after moving to New York.”
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Many designers have a signature aesthetic or theme in their creations. In Rashid’s design story, dancing between the lines of femininity and masculinity is how she’s been able to distinguish herself within the industry. Her androgynous clothing has garnered the eye of celebrities like Zendaya, Chance the Rapper, WNBA star Sydney Colson, and more — showing her range and approach to designs with inclusivity in mind.
“I think I do reflect my own style,” she says. “When I do make pieces, I'm very tomboyish, androgynous. My work is unisex because I feel like everybody can wear it. I cater to everybody and that's how I try to approach my clothes.” From denim to overalls, and color-drenched outerwear, Rashid has mastered the structure of statement pieces that tell a story.
“Each collection, I never know what's going to be the thing I'm going to focus on. I try to reflect my own style and have fun with the storytelling,” she shares. “I look at it more like it's my art in this small way of expressing myself, so it's not that calculated.”
"My work is unisex because I feel like everybody can wear it. I cater to everybody and that's how I try to approach my clothes."
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Still, if you were able to add up all the moments within Rashid’s 20-year career in design, one theme that has multiplied her into becoming an “ItGirl” is her confidence to take up space within the fashion industry as a queer, Black woman. “Being an ItGirl is about being yourself, loving what you do, finding your niche, and mastering that,” she says.
No matter where you are on your ItGirl journey, Rashid says to always remain persistent and never hesitate to share your art with the world. “Don’t give up. Even if it's something small, finish it and don't be afraid to put it out,” she says, “It's about tackling your own fear of feeling like you have to please everybody, but just please yourself, and that's good enough.”
To learn more about the ItGirl 100 List, view the full list here.
Featured image Courtesy