

Let me just hit you with the real—stress kills. That's not an exaggeration either. Headaches, heart disease, diabetes, obesity and even depression are all things that, not only are oftentimes brought on by stress but are also made worse when we don't get our stress levels down. That's why, the older (and prayerfully wiser) I get, the more I make sure that if there's one thing I won't let get to me, it's stress. That requires making sure that the people, places, things and even ideas that try and get me all shook up and frazzled are monitored closely. The stuff that I honestly don't have to deal with, I don't. The things that I do, I set boundaries and also monitor how much time I engage. Because nothing and/or no one is worth having a nervous breakdown over, simply because I didn't know how to manage my stress well.
In walks, the focus for this piece. If you know that you're someone who lets stress get to you, far more than it ever should, here are 10 practical ways to keep outside stresses from totally wrecking your insides. Because sis, it's really not worth it. Not at all.
1. Meditate
There's a Scripture in the Bible that says, "Be angry, and do not sin. Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still. Selah." (Psalm 4:4—NKJV) I like that a lot because some "super churchy folks" think that meditating isn't a "Christian" thing to do. The Bible actually shouts out meditating quite a bit (the word "meditate" is mentioned in the NKJV of the Good Book 20 times). I get why too when you factor in that mediating promotes emotional stability, reduces anxiety, lengthens your attention span, boosts your libido, helps you to breathe better and yes, reduces stress (and that's just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the good that meditation provides!). So, if you're someone who knows that you let outside stressors get to you, way more than you should, start off each day by meditating 15 minutes or so. Just getting calm and quiet as you deeply breathe in and out can center you in a way that nothing else can.
2. Keep a Stress Diary
OK, so where's your journal at? Today, we're gonna tackle how it can be used to combat stress. By using it to jot down the specific times and instances that caused you to feel stressed out, it can help you to better understand your triggers so that you can work towards deactivating them more effectively. Basically, what you do is, either at the beginning or end of your day, you recap the past 24 hours. Write down the date and instance that stressed you. Then rate on a scale of 1-10 how it made you feel. After that, on a scale of 1-10 again, also write down how you feel about the matter now and what you did in order to feel less upset/anxious/worried about it. If the number hasn't gone down any notches, express, on paper, why that is the case. Finally, write down some things that you think could help you to de-stress and handle the situation more effectively—both now and in the future.
If you do this consistently, not only will you probably start to see patterns that lead to your stress but you'll (hopefully) be able to come up with remedies that can help you to let go of your stress a lot quicker too. If you want to learn more about how to create a stress diary, there's a pretty thorough read about it here.
3. Honor Your Own Love Language
Over on this platform, we write about love languages quite a bit. Just as a quick review, there are (basically) five of 'em—words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service and gifts. All of these define different ways that we prefer to have love expressed to us best. But have you ever thought to ask yourself if you are fluent in speaking your own love language…to yourself? For instance, the two languages that basically run neck and neck for me are words of affirmation and physical touch. Because that is the case, something that I make a point and practice to do more is hype my own self up (one way to do that is by checking out the article, "Every Woman Should Write A Love Letter To Themselves"). I also find positive quotes, I focus on maintaining a healthy body image and I sometimes even audibly tell myself what I appreciate about my uniqueness and individuality. On the physical touch tip, the route I take is giving myself scalp massages and enjoy soaking in the tub (to some 90s R&B).
And what if your love languages are one of the other three? Quality time can be about getting off of social media and/or turning off your phone so that you can binge-watch a favorite show, read or zone out to one of your favorite throwback music playlists. Acts of service can be something like creating a to-do list so that you aren't always rushing to get things done. And gifts? I am a huge advocate of setting aside money, every payday, that goes to nothing but frivolous spending.
Love languages are dope, but they are most effective when you speak them to yourself before speaking them to others. I can most definitely promise you that.
4. State Your Boundaries (CLEARLY)
Think about the last time that you were stressed out to the point of being totally pissed off. I would be floored if it didn't have something to do with someone violating your boundaries on some level. After all, it can't be—pardon the pun—stressed enough that boundaries are limits and limits are oftentimes put into place so that you're not pushed past what you can handle at any given point and time. If you're like me and you grew up in an environment where your boundaries were constantly violated and/or dismissed, you might not really understand how to create them as an adult; this is how a lot of people can end up taking advantage of you. So, one day this weekend, take a moment to think about what your limits are vs. what they should be in order for you to maintain some level of inner peace. If that's spending less time with toxic family members, so be it. If that's releasing so-called friends who are proving to be more like foes, do that (check out "10 Signs You've Got A Close (TOXIC) Friend"). If that means moving on from your emotionally abusive boss, take that leap of faith.
In some ways, life is too short for drama. But in others, I also agree with Chris Rock when he said in the movie, I Think I Love My Wife, sometimes life can also seem really long. Yet, regardless of your personal take, who wants to spend all of their days stressed all of the time, no matter how short or long time seems to be? Personally, my life has improved, exponentially so, since I've drawn some limits on how I allow people to talk to me and/or treat me. And because of that, stress doesn't transpire nearly as much as it used to. (Hmph. Funny how that works, huh?)
5. Don’t Expect People to Be Like You
A personal lesson that has been oh so very freeing for me is getting to a point and place where I stopped expecting people to think or act like I do. Man, did I spend (and oftentimes waste) a lot of time trying to get over the shock that folks I knew wouldn't approach matters in the same way as I did. And when I wouldn't let that reality go, it really would make my blood boil and totally stress me out to no end. The thing about individuality is it means that all of us are different. That doesn't automatically mean that when someone is wired in another way that they are "bad" or "wrong"; they're just different.
A good example of this is, the last boyfriend I will ever have in this lifetime, he wasn't big on commemorating special days. Meanwhile, I'm a Gemini. If you don't get what that means, many of us tend to be on-10 about celebrating things like birthdays and anniversaries. So, while I typically took it over the top on his birthday and our anniversary, for pretty much our entire relationship, as far as how he approached my days, I was very much so less than impressed. To be fair, he was pretty good when it came to speaking my love languages, yet I still resented him for not thinking like I did on the celebratory tip. It's a part of what caused our disagreements and ultimately, what ended our relationship.
In hindsight, I get that if I had spent more time deciding if I wanted to be with someone who thought like he did rather than trying to turn him into another me, we both would've been much happier. Definitely, a huge cause of outside stress is trying to make people be you when that isn't realistic or fair. And honestly, it can lean towards the arrogant side too. Either accept folks as they are or shift the dynamic. Accepting this as being your two choices will make your life flow so much smoother.
6. Manage Your Time Wisely
If humans are getting on your very last nerve, one way to balance all of that stress out is to prioritize your time. Have a time set aside for your priorities, a time set aside to spend quality time with your family and friends, and time set aside for social media. While some people frown on creating weekly schedules, you might be surprised by how helpful it can be to wake up every day, knowing exactly what you plan to do, and what can/should be put on hold until another day. That way, if people, places, things or even ideas that aren't on your schedule try and shake your peace, you can remind yourself that if they were pertinent, they would've been on your list. Since they're not, they can wait until later. And the really great thing about the word "later" is getting to it is totally up to you.
7. Control ONLY What YOU Can Control
I'm pretty sure you've heard the phrase, "Don't sweat the small stuff". A good example of not doing that is making the choice to not try and be a control freak or worry wart out here. As someone who is a recovered control freak (for the most part, anyway), I can't tell you how freeing it has been to really accept the fact that, at the end of the day, all that I can really control is myself. No matter what or who has the potential to bother ("Gaslighting, Love Bombing & 5 Other Triggers To Call Out In Your Relationships") or trigger me (check out "How To Handle Folks Who 'Trigger' You"), they can only affect—or infect—me as much as I allow them to. Not only that but, when I've done the absolute best that I can (not based on anyone's standards but the Most High's and my own), then…what else can be done? On my end? Nothing.
If a lot of us were really real with ourselves, we'd admit that a lot of the outside stress that bothers us comes from us trying to take on what is either none of our business or is out of our hands. If you don't get anything else out of this, get that controlling self only is a superpower when it comes to no longer stressing yourself out.
8. Vent
One of the main reasons why a lot of people find themselves stressed out to the point where they almost feel like they're about to lose it is because they internalize their feelings and frustrations rather than vent them. Believe it or not, venting is actually really good for you because it helps you to release negativity, bring balance back to your mental and emotional state and, when you're doing it in a safe space (like in the presence of a friend who you fully trust), sometimes you can hear another perspective that can help to bring about clarity. The problem is, a lot of people hold stuff in so long that, when they do let everything out, it can be at the wrong place and at the wrong time.
I will admit that it requires quite a bit of self-awareness to know when you're almost at your breaking point. But try and make it a practice of getting to a place where you are totally alone to scream out your angst or hitting up a friend before snapping at work, on your kids or you're at a place that is totally inappropriate. Otherwise, all you'll be doing is adding to your stress rather than taking it away.
9. Forgive
From a biblical perspective, the Bible is quite clear. If you want God to forgive you, you must forgive others (Matthew 6:14-15). I know that can be hard for a lot of people to accept but, as I continue to learn more about this forgiveness thing, I get that accepting what the Word says on it is a humbling experience. None of us are perfect and all of us need forgiveness. And beyond that, a quote on forgiveness that comes to mind is, "Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness. Forgive them just because you deserve peace." (I think a man by the name of Jonathan Lockwood Huie said it.) And you know what? This statement is 1000 percent true.
It's been my personal experience that people who don't know how to forgive (or feel like someone doesn't deserve forgiveness) seem to struggle a lot more with true inner peace than those who do forgive others. I think it's because a lot of folks who don't, they think that forgiveness means excusing bad behavior or giving the person who hurt or harmed them a pass. No, forgiveness means that you get that humanity can disappoint, but nothing is worth holding onto pain for so long that it shakes your own mental stability and emotional space. Unforgivingness typically breeds all kinds of anger and/or sadness and/or stress and anxiety. So, release who and what has offended you so that you can get back to feeling totally tranquil and calm, within yourself, again.
Get No Less Than Six Hours of Sleep
One more. I've got a friend who is the most pleasant person you'd ever wanna know. They will give you their left thumb if you really need it. I'm not playing. But man, if they go a good three days without at least six hours of sleep, they suddenly turn into Grendel's mother (you know, from Beowulf). I'm. Not. Kidding. We're not created to be sleep deprived yet, unfortunately, reportedly, 1 in 3 of us do not get enough rest. And since sleep deprivation leads to things like irritability, lack of focus and concentration, mood swings, anxiety, weak immunity, accidents and a sucky sex life—how could you not think that poor sleeping habits wouldn't lead to you being completely stressed out?
Words can't express what a night of uninterrupted sleep can do for a person. So, if you know that stress is something that you struggle with, make getting more sleep a top priority. It's one of the most effective ways to woosah your way through life—no matter who or what has the potential to stress you…on the outside of your own mind, heart and home's walls.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Luxury Hairstylist On Viral 'Hey Boo' Texts & Professionalism In The Hair Industry
As Black women, our hair is our crowning glory - whether we paid for it or not. We take pride in how we wear and take care of our hair. As with everything, hair care and hair styling have evolved over the years. Long gone are the days of Blue Magic (although I hear it’s making a comeback).
Now, we have a plethora of creams, oils, conditioners, shampoos, and stylists to choose from. Beyond wearing our natural curls, we have a range of options, from wigs and sew-ins to tape-ins, I-tips, and K-tips. So much choice! But you know what they say about too much of a good thing...
The Black hair industry has definitely blossomed in the last decade with a wave of new stylists and salons popping up all over the place. As much as I love that for us, many of these stylists have become the subjects of viral TikTok and Instagram tirades because of their alleged questionable behavior and bizarre rules.
Excessive policies, strange fees, long wait times, poor performance, and the infamous “Hey boo” texts. Beauty is pain, they say… xoNecole got to the root of these issues with luxury hair extensionist Dee Michelle, who’s been in the hair game for 20 years and runs a seven-figure business - all while being a mom of four.
Antonio Livingston
“I started my business with my career in the hair industry [at] very, very young age when I was maybe like eight...So, over the years, I've just built a very successful seven-figure business very quickly just by offering high-end services and creating great experiences for my clients, many of whom are high-profile professionals,” she said. “I'm also a mother of four, including a set of triplets, which inspires me daily to show what's possible with my hard work and focus.”
Dee’s business has gone viral on social media because of what many call outrageous prices for her invisible K-Tip installs.
“When I developed my invisible K-tip extensions technique, I made sure that it wasn't just about the hair or the style, but about providing a high-end experience from start to finish. So, my clients just aren't paying for the extensions or just the style itself, but they're investing into my meticulous, seamless craft and premium hair sourced from the best suppliers…I've spent so many hours mastering my craft, creating this seamless method that gives my clients long-lasting natural results, and my pricing just reflects that - the value of my expertise and the exclusivity of the service.”
The K-tip specialist stands on business when it comes to catering to her clients and giving them an experience worth the cost.
“And it's just important for me to also say that my clients are high-profile individuals who value quality, their privacy, and their time. They want a service that fits into their lifestyle and their time. They want things that deliver perfection. And I deliver that every single time.”
I’m sure we’ve all seen the various TikTok rants about people’s nightmare experiences with stylists and uttered a silent “FELT!” We asked Dee her opinion on a few nightmare scenarios that beg the response, “please be so forreal."
On stylists charging extra to wash clients’ hair:
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
On ‘deposits’ that don’t go towards the cost of the service:
“I think that's kind of weird, too, for deposits to not be like a part of the service. I've seen people have booking fees and I just don't understand it, to be honest. I disagree with that kind of policy…By all means, people should do what works for them, but to me, it doesn't make sense. Why does somebody have to pay a fee just to book an appointment with you? I don't get it. It feels like exploitation.”
On stylists charging extra to style (straighten/curl) wigs, sew-ins etc., after installing:
“I don't get it. Clients come to us to get their hair done, to get it styled. So why is it extra for you to style it? If you're going to charge extra, just increase your price. I feel like it could be just a lack of confidence in those stylists, feeling like people won't pay a certain price for certain things, or just their lack of professionalism as well, because people are coming to us to get styled.”
On the infamous “Hey boo” text stylists send to clients when they need to cancel/reschedule:
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
We know all too well what kinds of things will keep us from ever gracing certain hairstylists’ chairs with our butts again. So, what should hairstylists do to provide a good service to their clients? What is good hairstylist etiquette?
“For one, being on time is an important rule for stylist etiquette. It's just not okay to require your clients to be on time, and you're not on time. Also, communication. Being able to communicate clearly, respectfully, and professionally, whether that's in person, via text, or on social media. Style is etiquette. Appearance matters. So just maintaining a clean, polished, and professional look. Clients respect you more whenever your appearance reflects your work. There's just so many things, but another thing I would say is active listening. So, being able to pay close attention to what your client wants and also clarifying any questions that they might have. Just to ensure that they feel heard and to minimize any misunderstandings.”
Dee also shared some red flags to look out for when considering a new stylist.
“Even me as a client, if I'm booking somebody and they have a long list of rules, I don't even book with them. That's, for one, just such a huge turn-off. Also, stylists who have inconsistent or unclear pricing, that's a red flag. People who change their rates too much without an explanation. Poor communication. So, if a stylist is responding very slow or responding unprofessionally, or giving vague answers to questions, that can make clients question whether or not they are respecting their time and their needs.
Another red flag - an inconsistent or low quality portfolio. And I feel like, I see this a lot with stylists stealing other people's work, and their portfolio on social media is just very inconsistent.”
We couldn’t let Dee go without getting the tea on what styles she predicts will trend in 2025.
“I feel like people are going back to natural-looking styles. So, a lot of people are ditching the wigs, the lace fronts, things like that. People are still wearing them, of course, but it is becoming more of a trend to embrace your natural hair and something that's not looking too fake. That’s one thing that we're going to be seeing a lot. I would say a lot of layers are coming back, heavy layers. Those are becoming really, really trendy. And people are leaning more towards platinum-colored hair. I've been seeing lots of like blondes coming out. Also, jet black is always going to be a trend. But I would say more like natural colors, but natural colors that are still making a statement.”
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Saweetie On Healing, Self-Discovery, And Why She’s "Dating Her Career" In 2025
Saweetie is stepping into 2025 with a renewed sense of purpose and self and an unwavering commitment to her career. The 31-year-old rapper is the cover star of InStyle’s Spring 2025 music-themed digital issue, where she opens up about her transformative journey to Africa, how she’s embracing divine timing, and why she’s leaving distractions behind as she gears up for the release of her debut album.
While 2021 appeared to be a year of big wins for Saweetie career-wise, the "NANi" artist didn't hide the fact that the year also marked a "traumatic time" for her life as she navigated heartbreak following a very publicized relationship. At the time, shaving her head was her way of starting over.
Recalling her headspace back then, she told InStyle, "I thought life would get better, but girl, life just kept life-ing… Surrendering to God and the universe has actually gotten me places. I used to be a control freak. I used to try to micromanage everything. I think we resort to micromanaging everything because we feel helpless."
In the time since, Saweetie has been deep in her introspection work, embarking on a self-discovery journey to Africa inspired by a DNA test that revealed she had 51 percent African ancestry. What she found as the result of the life-changing trip was not only a professional evolution but a spiritual one as well.
"In Africa, they're all going with the flow, they're not rushed. What I found is [that] when you surrender to divine timing, everything falls into place, rather than trying to force something to happen,” she shared with the publication. “I feel like I found my voice in Africa," she said later.
Saweetie's evolution didn't stop with her voice, in fact, her time abroad allowed her to heal and peel back layers of self-protection she had unconsciously built. She continued, "I think that's why I've been soul-searching because I wanted to have pride in who I am as a woman. Like, where do I come from? What do I believe in? What do I stand for? What do I not stand for? What do I love? What do I not love?
"And because I went through a lot of those emotions in Africa, it helped me pull back so many layers of this wall that I put up…"
Speaking of what she loves and what she doesn't love, Saweetie also gave a glimpse into her romantic life and let it be known her relationship status is "dating her career." While the "Richtivities" Queen has had her fair share of high-profile relationships, she is entering her focused era.
Saweetie shared that in the past, she let herself get "slightly distracted" but she now proudly proclaims that anything in her life that isn't right can go left because it's alignment over everything. "Anything that may be trying to compete with my goals, with my ambitions, with my priorities… I no longer second guess my career and if you can't understand it, then respectfully, get out of my way."
For the full cover story, check out InStyle's Spring 2025 digital issue here.
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