
Although pregaming’s origin is connected to events that transpire before an actual athletic game, I started hearing the word, A LOT, once college students started saying that it’s the drinking that you do before, well, more drinking. And now that the word is on commercials ‘n stuff for all sorts of random reasons — yeah, when it comes to creating a ritual that will get yourself ready for sex, I think that “pregaming” is fitting in that manner too.
So, let’s do this. Since, when it comes to coitus, your vagina will be the MVP (see what I just did there?), here are 12 — well, technically 13 — things that you can do to pregame “her” for all of the action that is to come.
1. Eat Vitamin C-Rich Foods

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If you’ve ever wondered what can lead to infections like bacterial vaginosis (BV) and yeast infections, it’s what typically transpires when your vagina’s pH levels are off (check out “Sis, This Is How To Keep Your Vagina's pH Balanced”). Something that can keep your pH where it needs to be (so that there are more “good bacteria” in your vagina than bad) is to either take a vitamin C supplement or to consume foods that are high in the nutrient. Some of those include bell peppers, strawberries, tomatoes, white potatoes, cabbage, citrus fruits, and cantaloupe. Even eating these in the hours before you plan on having sex can help to ward off irritations that could lead to certain types of vaginal itching and discomfort later on.
2. Consume Some Kefir Yogurt

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Even though there’s a Harvard study that professes that probiotics do very little to maintain vaginal health (what in the world?), there is also plenty of other intel that says the complete opposite. For one thing, what many experts (including ones from the institution) can agree on is that probiotics do wonders for preserving your gut health — and since roughly 80 percent of your immune system is housed there, indirectly your vagina is gonna benefit right there alone. Not only that, but when your vagina doesn’t have as much Lactobacillus acidophilus (a type of probiotic that’s loaded with good bacteria that is in your mouth, gut, and vagina) as it should, things like having unprotected sex could result in a change in your discharge, a fishy smell or itchiness.
Something that contains more probiotics than “regular” yogurt is kefir which is a type of fermented milk drink. Since it also has plenty of protein along with a good amount of vitamin B12, calcium, and phosphorus, drinking some will always be a good move as far as your vaginal (sexual) health goes.
And while it’s kind of difficult to find some firm data for my final point, as someone who is a big fan of the Lifeway Kefir brand, I personally think that another bonus that comes with kefir is it makes your vaginal area smell more pleasant; some people I’ve recommended it to said that their partner claims that they taste better down below, after consuming it, too.
3. Drink Plenty of Infused Water

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If you haven’t been treating your system to some DIY-infused water, I’m telling you that you’re totally missing out. Not only does it make drinking “plain” water easier to do, but it can also help to control your appetite, regulate your blood sugar levels, detox your system, hydrate your body and improve your immunity as well. Know what else infused water can do? Provide your vagina with more natural lubrication as it helps to flush out bad bacteria that may be sitting up in there. So yeah, definitely indulge in some infused water prior to sex. Taste of Home has over 20 fruit-based recipes that you can try out here.
4. Work on an Exercise Ball

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When it comes to strengthening vaginal walls, who hasn’t heard about the importance of doing kegels? Uh-huh, but what do you know about swapping out your office chair for an exercise ball? Word on the street is if you sit on it for even 15-30 minutes a day, it will automatically cause the muscles of your pelvic floor to contract which could definitely pregame you for some better orgasms later on.
5. Be Panty-Less

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If you work from home, try and avoid putting on any underwear the day that you plan on gettin’ it in. The more that your vaginal region is able to “breathe,” the more that you decrease the chances of extra moisture, ultimately irritating and/or causing some sort of pH imbalance down there before you even get around to having sex.
6. Give Yourself a Perineal Massage

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As a doula, something that I oftentimes recommend pregnant women do (actually, it’s more like I suggest that their partner do it to them) is get an at-home perineal massage on a weekly basis once they enter into their third trimester. From a birthing standpoint, it helps to stretch their vaginal opening, which can ultimately decrease their chances of ripping or tearing during childbirth (or even needing an episiotomy, for that matter).
We all know how (most) babies are made, so guess what? If you have a partner who is… “bigger than average” (an average erect penis is 5.5”), another pregame hack would be to give yourself a version of this massage, basically for the same reason: to stretch out your vaginal skin. Propping your lower back up with a couple of pillows, put a non-irritating carrier oil like sweet almond, vitamin E, or hemp seed oil onto your index and middle fingers and then gently caress the rim of your vaginal opening for even five minutes the day before and day of sex can make intercourse way more comfortable.
Just make sure to go with something like a water-based lubricant (or even some 100 percent pure aloe vera gel) instead of oil if you’re going to use a condom the day of sex; oils tend to thin out rubbers, and that makes them far less effective.
7. Clean Your Clitoral Hood

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I once read a story that damn near horrified me. I’m not sure how long your pubic hair has to get in order for so much of it to be trapped in your clitoral hood that you have to basically circumcise it to get rid of it all (ain’t it wild how so many women “forget” that the skin on their clitoris is basically foreskin?). LAWD. It definitely served as the inspiration behind a piece that I penned for the platform a while back entitled, “7 Reasons You Should TOTALLY Be In Love With Your Clitoral Hood.”
Anyway, sometimes vaginas can get irritated during or after sex because there is hair, lint, or some dried-up discharge that’s caught up in the clitoral hood. This can be remedied by putting some olive oil on a Q-tip, slightly pulling the skin that’s covering your clitoris, and using the Q-tip to clean the area out. It’s a small hack that can make a really big difference. Trust me.
8. Condition Your Pubic Hair

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Fairly recently, I penned a piece for the platform entitled, “12 Men Told Me What They Love So Much About Vaginas” (check it out when you get a chance). Something that wasn’t expounded on (that I do get told fairly often whenever the topic of va-jay-jays comes up) is how much a lot of men enjoy pubic hair — more specifically, well-groomed pubic hair. As you’re keeping that in mind, do your partner a solid by also making sure to condition your pubic hair on the day that you plan on having sex. By applying some avocado, jojoba, or carrot seed oil (for example) right after you get out of the shower, those hairs will become so much softer — which will make oral sex more pleasant for the giver and, by default, the receiver too.
9. Replenish with a Yoni Gel

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If you’re someone who, no matter how many preventative measures you take to avoid it, still end up with a bit of an unpleasant scent during sex or some (minor) vaginal irritation afterward, you might want to try applying an all-natural type of vaginal gel. One that many people sing the praises of is Sugar Baby’s Sweet Kitty Yoni Gel. It contains rosewater, aloe vera, and tea tree oil — all of which are great at keeping your vulva skin healthy and smelling fresh.
10. Apply an Aphrodisiac Scent to Your Inner Thighs

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Did you know that people with a heightened sense of smell tend to have more intense orgasms, while those with a lower sense of smell typically have a lower sex drive? Something that you can do to increase your and your partner’s chances of experiencing the former instead of the latter is to put some perfume, cologne, or, my personal favorite, an aphrodisiac-themed essential oil (check out “8 Natural Aphrodisiac Scents, Where They Go & How To Make Them Last”) in between your thighs. If you’ve got a man who partakes of your “fruit” readily and willingly, he will love the experience all the more if his sense of smell is perked up with an enticing scent that’s been strategically placed on your inner thighs.
11. STOP Making Yourself Urinate Before Sex

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This one might throw you for a loop, and if so, I totally get it. Yet no, you ARE NOT supposed to urinate prior to having sex.
According to many medical professionals, you actually should wait until after having sex before going to the bathroom. The reason why is that the more urine that you have stored up in your vagina, the easier it will be for the acid in it to push out any bacteria that intercourse may have pushed up further into your vaginal region — the kind that could potentially lead to a nasty urinary tract infection (UTI).
I mean, if you’ve gotta go (before), you gotta go. All I’m saying is, if you’ve been making it a rule of thumb for your sex life, you’re ultimately doing yourself more harm than good. The more you know.
12. Have Your Own Condom Collection

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Recently, I was having a conversation with two guys in their 20s about how they would rather pull out and go through pregnancy scares from time to time than wear a condom. SMDH. And before you chalk them up to being the exception and not the rule, it can’t be said enough that, reportedly, only one-third of men and one-quarter of women use condoms. This isn’t only irritating but triggering to know, considering the fact that an estimated (and whopping) one million new STD diagnoses are handed out worldwide on a daily basis — and many of them are asymptomatic (the only time I got an STD, chlamydia was dormant in my system for almost two years; a bout of mono and strep throat “woke it up”…no joke!).
This is one of the many (MANY) reasons why only mentally and emotionally mature people should have sex because, being willing to intentionally put you and another person’s health at risk and/or experience an unwanted pregnancy, just because you want an “amplified sensation,” is not a good enough reason to forego rubbers. That’s why you shouldn’t rely on the guy to wrap it up; have your own condom stash on hand too.
Not just to prevent infections or pregnancy but to also keep your vaginal irritations down. If you happen to not be a fan of latex and would prefer to go with an alternative like polyurethane, polyisoprene, or even the female condom; Undercover Condoms is a site that has a wide variety of affordable prophylactics that will be mailed out to you quickly and discreetly, by the way…you’re welcome.
BONUS: Look Into Vaginal Plumping

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Finally, if you want to get more adventurous when it comes to sex, yet a part of what’s holding you back is not feeling as confident about how your vagina looks, first read “Did You Know That There Are 10 Different Kinds Of Vaginas? Yep” and then do some research on a process that’s known to some as vagina plumping and to others as labia puffing. Long story short, it’s a non-surgical procedure that consists of derma fillers being injected into your vaginal lips so that they appear fuller and more youthful-looking.
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There you have it, y’all — ways that your vagina can get prepared for one of the best activities that life has to offer. Have fun!
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This Is How To Keep 'Holiday Season Stress' From Infecting Your Relationship
Hmph. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like there is something really weird happening in the fall season air (because winter doesn’t officially begin until December 21) that cuddle season is in full swing while break-up season is as well. In fact, did you know that break-ups are so popular during the holiday season that December 11 is deemed Break-Up Day?
The reasons why relationships shift around this time vary; however, I did both roll my eyes and chuckle when I read that a very popular one is because it’s an easy way to get out of getting one’s significant other a Christmas present. SMDH.
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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I wish I enjoyed drinking plain ole’ water. I don’t, though, and, at this point, I doubt that I ever will. It’s not something that I’m proud of or anything, but like I’ve said in other articles on this platform, to me, water is so damn boring; it’s literally like drinking “wet air.”
That doesn’t mean I don’t accept that it’s a “necessary evil” being that we all are made up of so much water and being dehydrated (which is something that a lot of us are) can cause so many health-related issues, including blurred vision, muscle cramps, dried skin, fatigue and even moodiness.
That’s why, over the years, I’ve been intentional about figuring out ways to get more agua into my body without feeling like it’s a chore or something to dread. And now, I want to pass some of those hacks on to you, just in case you happen to totally relate to where I am coming from.
If something that you want to do more of right through here is get extra H2O into your system, here are 10 tips that can absolutely help to make that possible.

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1. Invest in a Fun Water Bottle
There’s a far greater chance that you are going to drink water if you have a water bottle around you. So, cop yourself a cute one — one that will help you to stay motivated. A tumbler that I purchased some time back, just because I thought it was cute as hell, simply says, “Make Better Coochie Decisions” (amen?-LOL). Honestly, that doesn’t just have to apply to sex but how you treat your vagina overall — and that includes making sure that “she” has all of the fluids that she needs.
2. Try Some Sparkling Water or Mineral Water
At this point, I should take stock in Waterloo. It currently is my favorite kind of sparkling water and it has definitely made getting more water into my system easier to do. That’s because I will add some limes to it or a bit of fruit juice to it and that makes drinking water less “meh” for me. Another type of water that has bubbles in it is sparkling mineral water; it can also be beneficial since it contains magnesium, potassium and calcium.

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3. Go Halfsies with Your Other Drinks of Choice
Speaking of making some all-natural soda (which is basically what happens when you add juice to sparkling water or sparkling mineral water), you can find yourself drinking more water while consuming less calories if you fill up your glass with half of your favorite fruit juice and half of some sparkling water. More times than not, the juice doesn’t even taste watered down. Try it before you doubt me.
4. Collect Some Infused Water Recipes
I’m forever gonna be a fan of infused water; that’s because it’s water that has fresh fruits and/or veggies in them — and it doesn’t get any healthier than that. Plus, infused water tends to take on the taste of whatever fruits or vegetables that you put into the water (if you let the stuff soak for a couple of hours), so that the water doesn’t taste so boring and bland. Wanna try a few recipes? You can check out some here and here.

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5. Make Slushies Instead of Smoothies
Are you someone who enjoys consuming smoothies? Well, if you want to get more water into your system, how about going with a slushie instead? Although it is true that some smoothies have water as a base, the most bomb ones use milk (or a milk alternative) or yogurt. Slushies, on the other hand, typically go with crushed ice (which is frozen water) instead. That said, some (pardon the pun) cool slushy recipes can be found here, here and here.
6. Use Water As Your “Drink Chaser”
Another great thing about water is it can help to keep you from overeating; it does that by causing you to feel full if you drink it while you are eating. And speaking of calorie-counting, if you don’t want to give up your favorite drink at mealtime, one way to keep from downing 2-3 glasses of it at a time is to use water as your “chaser.” What I mean by that is, after enjoying a glass of your favorite beverage, “chase it down” with a glass of water. That should satisfy your want for what you want without overdoing it.

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7. Eat Foods That Are High in Water Content
Another way to get more water into your body is to eat foods that have a ton of water in them. Some that top the list include lettuce (96 percent); cucumber (95 percent); zucchini (95 percent); celery (95 percent); strawberries (91 percent); cantaloupe (90 percent), and peaches (89 percent).
8. Have a Ball with Your Ice Cubes
Ice cubes are frozen water, right? That’s why most of us prefer to enjoy our drinks before the ice cubes melt because melted cubes water down whatever it is that we are consuming. And so, for this very reason, add more ice cubes to your drinks — and have fun making them. You can add juice, fruit and/or mint leaves while making your cubes. That way, they are aesthetically-pleasing; plus, they will also add more flavor to your water once the ice cubes actually melt.

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9. Add Some Non-Alcohol Cordial to Your Water
If you’re fine with just having a tad of taste in your water, why not add a bit of cordial to it? Cordial is simply a type of tonic, syrup or sweetener (that can contain alcohol or not) that can help to make your water more…interesting. Some alcohol-based cordials can be found here. Some non-alcoholic recipes are located here.
10. Technically, Herbal Tea Counts
Tea is always gonna be my thing. That’s why I’ve penned articles on it for the site like “10 Different Ways Herbal Teas Can Fit Into Your Beauty Regimen”, “10 'Uncommon' Teas You Should Add To Your Stash (& Why)” and “I've Got 10 Teas That Will Help You To Age (Even More) Gracefully” And y’all, if you want to get a lot more water into your system yet a tall glass of water only isn’t your — pardon the pun — cup of tea, make some iced herbal tea instead.
It’s basically water with some herbs tossed in and, if you add some honey or raw organic coconut palm sugar to it, it will be a really sweet treat that will still be extremely hydrating (and very healthy) for you.
Water that is a bit more exciting for you…now. LOL.
Drink up!
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