I’ve got a girlfriend (who’s been married for over 35 years, mind you) who is very low-maintenance when it comes to her vagina. In her mind, so long as she washes her kitty cat on a daily basis, she’s done her part. I mean, she never talks about having any “issues” down there (and we speak pretty freely), and she has been married for damn near four decades (salute!) — so, I guess the minimalist approach suits her and hers just fine. LOL.
Me, though? The more time that I spend on this earth with my vagina (and vulva), the more it fascinates me — and the more I want to learn about how to enjoy “her” better and more. And that’s pretty much why I keep cranking out “the more you know” pieces on the vagina…and her surrounding areas.
What’s up for today? Ten things that don’t really come up in conversation — when the vagina is openly discussed, that is — that may sound weird at first, and yet, they can actually bring a smile to your hoo-ha’s face (umm, so to speak) if you’re simply willing to give them a shot. Are you ready to see what those things are?
1. Pistachios
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Okay, so whoever likes pistachios, please hop into the comments and break it all down for me. There aren’t too many foods that I absolutely don’t understand, but that nut (and dill)? Uh-huh. LOL. Still, as a writer, I’ve gotta share more than what I like, and so, when it comes to a healthy snack, pistachios are actually pretty damn impressive. They’ve got a lot of fiber and a ton of protein and are a solid source of copper as well as vitamin B.
Plus, pistachios are packed with antioxidants, can help you to achieve/maintain your weight goals and they help to keep your cholesterol levels where they need to be, too. And why would your vagina not mind if you chomped on a few of these nuts? Something else pistachios can do is help keep your arteries in good condition so that blood is able to flow freely. If you know anything about what makes for a good orgasm, you know that excellent blood circulation plays a significant part.
2. A Metal Spoon
Can you guess what a metal spoon can do for your vagina? Well, if you can’t seem to find your favorite sex toy or you want to get a bit creative, a metal spoon can certainly come in handy. If you freeze it first, it can be pretty damn stimulating if you’re into temperature play, or if you add lubricant to it, the texture of the metal spoon, along with the moisture of the lube, could make for an unexpected orgasm — especially if you lightly tap your clitoris or move the spoon on it in a circular motion.
3. Kudzu
In Asia, kudzu is considered to be a type of arrowroot. In America, it’s a weed. Either way, if menopause-related symptoms are causing you to experience vaginal dryness, consuming some kudzu could help to bring about some relief. Plus, since some studies say that it’s also an all-natural remedy for inflammation and headaches — I mean, what could it hurt to at least give it a shot? (You should be able to find it at your local vitamin or health food store in capsule or extract form.)
4. Condom-Covered Food
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If you’ve heard that you should never put food into your vagina — the answer is yes and no. I mean, without getting too deep into it, a frozen banana (that has the peel taken off of it) caressing some spots ain’t never hurt nobody…so long as a condom was placed over it first.
Yep, therein lies the trick if you want to get a little creative with some of those edible aphrodisiacs. You can always cover them up with a prophylactic or two, add a bit of lube, and then dive in (again, so to speak). Just make sure that the food is a solid and that it’s well covered up first. The last thing you want to do is spend half of the night trying to dig out some banana strings, otherwise known as phloem bundles — umm, I heard. #wink
5. Tugging
One day, semi-soon, I will pen a piece about the various types of vaginal massages that are good for you. For now, I’ll just say that if you’ve never given yourself this type of massage before, you are totally missing out, sis. — including when it comes to tugging. Warming up your fingers and using your thumb and index finger to gently “tug” at your clitoris (or clitoral hood) and then allowing the skin to “bounce back” can provide a stimulating sensation that is a great stress release or an enticing form of foreplay…if you want someone else to do the tugging instead.
6. Pickles
Since 80 percent of your immunity is in your gut, it’s important that you prioritize its health; probiotics are one way to do that, and fermented foods are packed with them. The connection between probiotics and your vaginal health is they can help to give your vagina the type of “good bacteria” that can keep infections at bay. One type of food that can get you the probiotics that you need is pickles — fermented ones, that is.
If you’re thinking to yourself, “Aren’t all pickles fermented?” the answer is actually, no. The other ingredient that can give pickles their tanginess is vinegar, so if you want a fermented one, look for pickles that say that on the packaging, or you can always ferment your own (instructions for how to do that are located here).
Hey, pickles also have antioxidants, are a good source of vitamin K, and are a low-calorie snack, so if you enjoy them, now you can feel really good about it.
7. Frankincense Oil
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Ugh. Ingrown pubic hairs are the absolute worst, ain’t they? Although doing things like exfoliating your skin prior to shaving your pubic region (if shaving is what you do) and replacing your razor blade after every 5-7 uses can help to keep ingrown hairs from becoming too much of a problem, if you’ve already got one, try applying some frankincense oil to it.
Thanks to its strong antiseptic properties, applying a bit of the oil to an ingrown hair can help reduce swelling, clean out any bacteria, and even lessen any discomfort that may be associated with the inflammation that comes from the bump(s). Just make sure to use it externally, not internally. Essential oils can burn like a mutha otherwise.
8. Cortisone Cream
So, what happens if, after shaving your va-jay-jay, some incessant itching follows? Honestly, one of the best remedies to bring you almost instantaneous relief is some good ole’ cortisone cream. It relieves itching, reduces swelling, and it can help to get rid of redness and other forms of irritation, too. Just make sure that you apply it to the outer part of your vulva; you can sting and further irritate your inner labia otherwise.
Oh, and if you’d prefer a more chemical-free approach, try a mixture of coconut oil and tea tree oil. Coconut oil’s antimicrobial properties and anti-inflammatory properties can help to soothe skin issues (including eczema), and tea tree oil can soothe itching and kill irritating bacteria on contact as well (although it’s not recommended that you use it to treat eczema; it is good for psoriasis, though).
9. Crotchless Panties
I’ve always found crotchless panties to be sexy. I’m not exactly sure why. Actually, now that I’m putting some real thought into it as I’m writing all of this out, I think it’s because I like the concept of lingerie so much, and crotchless drawers make it possible for you to be both dressed up and naked at the same time.
Plus, let’s not act like they don’t provide easy access (which makes them hella convenient), along with the fact that they allow your vagina to breathe without being irritated by popular lingerie fabrics like lace (which is always a good thing). Anyway, there goes my quick commercial for why every woman should own at least a couple of pairs of crotchless panties. Do you?
10. Peppermint
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If you’ve never brought menthol into your boudoir, why the hell not? Not only does it help to provide an incomparable type of tingling sensation, but menthol also has the ability to trigger the feeling of cool receptors in the body — which means that it can be another type of temperature play (who knew?).
What I personally like about peppermint (or wintergreen) especially is it can be great for the giver as well as the receiver as far as oral sex goes. For the giver, it’s a nice taste, and for the receiver, it gives all the feels. So, keep some peppermint candy by your nightstand. It’s a sweet (pun intended) move.
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There you have it — pseudo-quirky things that your vagina (and vulva) will thank you for.
Just try it and see.
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So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
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It’s not like it has to be a bad thing. In fact, studies say that somewhere around 15 percent of engaged couples actually met through a friend. All I’m saying is, before you entertain someone’s “I’ve got someone I want you to meet” invitation, it would benefit you to interview them first — for the sake of all parties involved.
The questions that I recommend asking? The following six are what I think can get everyone on the same page, so that there is more pleasure than regret from the hook-up attempt.
1. Why Are They So Invested?
GiphyTwo things that I recently watched over again are the series Survivor’s Remorse (the writing is so damn good) and a movie called Trapped in Temptation (both are currently on Tubi). Something that both of them made me think about is the fact that motive reveals a lot when it comes to why people say and do the things that they do.
When it comes to the movie, specifically, without giving the film away — let me just say that, if you are in a relationship, be really careful about listening to individuals who try to talk you out of maintaining it. More times than not, the motive is shady as hell. And honestly, sometimes people who are close to obsessed with you being in one deserve a bit of side-eye too.
Now, if it’s someone who loves all things love, they are in love and they want you to experience something similar — that’s sweet. Just make sure that they are approaching the set up from a healthy space. What I mean by that is they don’t see singleness as some sort of relational handicap or they aren’t trying to override what you want for your life as if they somehow know better (there are so many ways to be a control freak, y’all).
Hmph. Now that I think about it — make sure that the set-up crew isn’t trying to use you to “save” some male friend or relative of theirs. I say that because I once knew a mother whose son had — count ‘em — 10 kids and she was FOREVER trying to get me to date him. Girl, that wasn’t for me. She was looking for a Holy Ghost Jr. for that child of hers. I’ll pass. HARD PASS.
Bottom line with this one — if someone wants to set you up with someone else, the first thing to ask is why? Make sure to really listen to what their answer is. Then pay attention to if your mind, body and spirit are at peace with their answer(s).
2. Do They Know What You Want?
GiphyI don’t know about y’all, but the people (and let’s be honest, by far, it’s usually women) who have tried to set me up with someone? They didn’t even know what my preferences or type was. Hell, they didn’t even know my thoughts or timeline as it relates to being in a serious relationship were either. And what that boils down to is they were trying to hook me up based on their agenda, not mine — and that usually meant that the guys who they came up with? Yeah…I was good on them. LOL.
Yeah, if someone wants to hook you up, you definitely should ask them if they know what you are looking for in a guy when it comes to his looks, personality, passions, spirituality, relational desires and goals, location, etc. Because, indeed, what is the point in going out with someone who is fine as hell and yet, you want kids and he doesn’t (or vice versa) or who has a great personality yet he isn’t even in the same ballpark of your spiritual beliefs?
If your friend really wants to help you out, valuing your time should come with that — and that means bringing someone into your life who complements your lifestyle. No wiggle room here.
3. Are They Aware of Your Deal-Breakers?
GiphyLast year, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “Should Bad Sex Actually Be A Relationship Deal-Breaker?” The thing that I think needs to go on record about deal-breakers is they aren’t exactly standards that you have. No, a deal-breaker is something that can’t be worked out even after trying to negotiate or compromise. When it comes to relationships, a deal-breaker might be how long two people should date before becoming exclusive or getting engaged. Another deal-breaker might be if being religious is more important than being spiritual and how that manifests itself (church or no church, etc.). And yes, another deal-breaker may be what each other’s sexual needs and expectations are.
When someone is setting you up, it is imperative that they know about your standards. For instance, for me, I am not interested in dating a divorced person, pretty much ever (I Corinthians 7:10-11). I’ve had friends who have tried to hook me up with that demographic before and it has always been a moot effort. The fact that some of them have gotten frustrated with my convictions has absolutely nothing to do with me. Some have tried to get me to compromise my deal-breakers too — like a long-distance relationship. Is it a firm “naw”? No. However, it’s not really something that I am interested in, so why not just…recommend someone local?
Yeah, if someone thinks that they know you well enough to hook you up, they absolutely should be well-versed in what your deal-breakers are before they do. And if they’ve never asked, all they are doing is assuming — and we know what that typically means. LOL.
4. What Is Their Track Record?
GiphyIt’s kind of wild that we now live in a time when more couples meet online than they do through “old-fashioned ways” like via their friends (although some reports say that Gen Z is getting back to that) — and yet, here we are. Still, if you are willing to let someone play pseudo matchmaker in your life, you are well within your rights to inquire about their track record in that department. Have they hooked others up, successfully, before? Has any of their “Cupid work” caused both people to get exactly what they wanted out of the situation? If/when things went awry, why was that?
I know someone who is constantly trying to hook people up. Thing is, maybe 10-15 percent (no joke) of their efforts have proven to be positive and fruitful — and we’re talking about close to close to two decades of them doing it. Listen, time is too precious to be out here doing stuff ONLY to please other people. That said, if someone wants you to devote some time to one of their grand ideas, you are well within your rights to ask about their past and current success score when it comes to it.
5. Can They Keep Their Own Feelings Out of It?
GiphyWanna know if someone who is offering to do something for you is actually doing it more for themselves? If they try to make it be about them when things don’t go the way they would like, that is a dead ringer. An example? They post a message about you on social media and then question you about why you didn’t do the same thing in return. Another example? They do something for you and then throw it in your face during an argument. Still another example? They set you up with someone, it doesn’t work out, and suddenly you’ve put them in a weird spot. No dear — you put your own self in that position by trying to hook two people up in the first place.
I promise you, it will spare everyone unnecessary energy spent (or even drama experienced) if, before you agree to be hooked up, you get the matchmaker on record stating that they will keep their emotions out of it as much as possible. MEANING — they will do the introductions and then let the chips fall where they may. If they can’t do this, my two cents (save it or spend it) would be to decline the offer. Because all you need is someone texting you about why you haven’t called their cousin back or having an attitude with you when you break up with some guy at their church who they thought was the perfect catch (P.S. These aren’t hypothetical examples — LOL).
6. Will They Respect Your Boundaries? Start to Finish?
GiphyYeah, this final one is a biggie. Just because someone sets you up with another person, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily mean that they should have the right to the details of the dynamic. I don’t care if it’s the first date or the 10th date. I don’t care if you decide to just be sex buddies or to have a full-blown relationship. I don’t care if you stay together or break-up — it’s your relationship which makes it your business. Whatever you share is privileged data.
Yeah, I would say that probably the most challenging thing about being hooked up by someone you know is they have a tendency to think that they are a part of the relationship too — and that is a lie. If things go well beyond a couple of dates, you and the guy should discuss what you will both share with the person who introduced you and then agree to stick to that boundary, no matter what. It’s a great way to protect the dynamic, to keep “outside voices” from influencing the growth and to navigate how you want to move, moving forward.
Someone who hooked you up for the right reasons and knows how to honor limits? They will understand. Will they ask questions? Absolutely. Will they pry? Nah.
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Should you sit and let someone hook you up? I mean, you never know how your blessing will come. Just make sure that they are prepared for you to do some digging into their mindset before they start sweetly meddling into your love life.
It’s only fair. Hell, and right. LOL.
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