If you've ever been in a serious relationship, chances are you might have considered moving in together at one time or another. And if you're having doubts about readiness or the stage of your relationship, the question "How soon is too soon to move in together?" might currently be on the brain. Well, the truth is, deciding when is the right time to cohabitate with a partner comes easily for some but can be more complex for others.
How Soon Is Too Soon To Move In Together?
Moving in with a partner is an exciting step in a relationship, but one that requires careful thought and consideration. It's essential to ensure you and your partner are ready for such a significant change in the landscape of your relationship. While there's no one-size-fits-all answer to the question of timing, paying attention to the signs below can help you make an informed decision about whether or not it's too soon to move in together. Here are ten signs to consider:
1. You haven't spent enough time together.
Spending real quality time together before making the leap to living together is a prerequisite you can't afford to miss. So, if you and your partner haven't spent a substantial amount of time together, moving in could be premature. Living together requires a deep understanding of each other's habits, communication styles, and quirks. Take the time to learn more about each other to increase your chances of a smooth transition when it's finally time to move in with each other.
2. The decision feels rushed.
Deciding to move in together should never be rushed. If the idea of moving in together has come up suddenly and you haven't thoroughly discussed your expectations, it might be wise to take a step back. Rushing into such a significant decision due to pressure can lead to misunderstandings and even regrets. Take your time to discuss your expectations, responsibilities, and goals for living together.
3. There are important conflicts that haven't been resolved yet.
Moving in with lingering unresolved conflicts can put a strain on the relationship. Being able to be met with conflict and navigate it effectively to resolve disagreements is essential to the flow of any partnership and if you find you're struggling with effective communication, it might be a good idea to pump the brakes until you no longer do. Do your best to address and work through major issues before sharing a living space.
4. You struggle with boundaries and personal space.
Maintaining personal space is vital regardless of your relationship status, and this becomes even more important when sharing a living space. If you or your partner have difficulty respecting boundaries or struggle with respecting personal space, moving in together might lead to frustration and resentment.
5. You and your partner have different goals long term.
If you and your partner have significantly different long-term goals, moving in together might not be a good idea. Having incompatible long-term goals can make sharing a living space challenging. This should be a step that aligns with both of your aspirations, as differing goals can lead to tension and conflict down the road. Make sure your visions for the future align to avoid potential issues down the line.
6. You can't have open and honest communication.
Effective communication is the cornerstone of a successful relationship, especially when considering such a significant change. Not being able to come to your partner from a place of honesty could be a red flag in a relationship, so it is essential to work on open and honest communication with your partner before signing the dotted line to a mortgage or a lease. If you can't talk about the hard stuff now, what happens if there are challenges later? Don't wait until you're bound by a contract to realize your communication breakdown could prove to be a breakdown of your relationship.
7. You're not financially compatible, or at least not on the same page about money.
One thing about finances is it can create a strain in even the strongest relationships. If you and your partner have vastly different financial habits and priorities, moving in together without resolving these differences could lead to major tension. Things like having different financial habits, priorities, or approaches to budgeting can be a surefire make or break, so it's crucial to address these differences before cohabitating.
8. You do not have a strong enough sense of self outside of the relationship.
Before moving in together, it's important for both partners to have a sense of independence and self-reliance. If one or both of you rely heavily on the other for emotional or practical needs, cohabitation might hinder personal growth. Having a solid sense of self and striving for interdependence versus codependence can contribute to a healthier and more fulfilling shared living experience.
9. You're concentrating too much on a 'feeling' versus a foundation.
Moving in because you're swept up in the excitement of being in a new relationship might not be the best reason to decide to live with someone. It's vital to differentiate between fantasy and reality. When deciding to move in with someone, make sure that you take the time to understand the pros and cons of moving in with someone and know that it's much easier to build a life on a strong foundation than a weak one.
10. You are allowing external pressure to make a decision for you.
Making the decision to move in together solely due to external factors, such as financial strain or familial expectations, can add a lot of unnecessary pressure to your relationship. It's important to prioritize your relationship's well-being and make choices based on what's best for you and your relationship. Deciding to cohabitate with someone should be a mutual choice driven by your feelings and sense of readiness, not external factors.
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If you decided that moving in together is the step you want to take, here are some general tips to consider before moving in:
- Getting to Know Each Other: Take the time to really understand each other's habits, preferences, and values. The more you know, the smoother the transition can be.
- Communication is Key: Have an open conversation about your expectations, boundaries, and long-term goals. Being on the same page can help avoid misunderstandings later on.
- Relationship Stage: Think about how long you've been together. Some people wait until they've been dating for a while to make sure the relationship is solid, while others might move in sooner.
- Personal Readiness: Consider your own personal journey. Are you emotionally and mentally ready to share your space with someone else? It's important to be in a good place on a personal level.
- Balancing Priorities: If you have individual goals, like starting a business or finding financial security, think about how living together might impact those aspirations. Would living together be a hindrance to your potential for growth?
- Gut Feeling: Trust your instincts. If something doesn't feel right or you're having doubts or anxiety about living together, it might be worth waiting until you're more sure of this next move (pun intended).
Remember, healthy relationships thrive on open communication, mutual respect, and shared goals. Paying attention to these signs can help you make an informed decision that aligns with your relationship's readiness and compatibility. Take your time, have those important conversations, and ensure that moving in together aligns with both of your paths and visions.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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And so, since this is the time of year when catching a cold (and/or the flu) is common, let’s talk about the impact that sleep (and again, a lack thereof) has on your immune system. That way, you can remain as healthy as possible during the fall and winter seasons.
1. Less Sleep Means More Colds
GiphyLike I stated in the intro, I’m pretty sure you’ve heard somewhere that the fall and winter are the seasons when people are most susceptible to catching a cold or coming down with the flu. And that’s exactly why I thought I would start this all off by sharing the fact that some studies reveal that if you get less than six hours of sleep, on a consistent basis, you end up making yourself more vulnerable to coming down with both. In fact, some research says that only 18 percent of people who get six-plus hours of rest caught a cold while almost 40 percent who got less than that did.
The logic behind it all is sleep gives your body time to build up the proteins and cells (like cytokines and T-cells) that you need to fight off certain viruses. So, if nothing bothers you more than having a stuffy nose or stubborn cough when it’s cold outside, getting more sleep is one way to prevent that from happening to you.
2. Less Sleep Means More Allergy Symptoms
GiphyAt the end of the day, an allergy is basically what transpires whenever your immune system “overreacts” to something that other people’s systems do not. And since sleep is what helps to keep your immune system nice and strong — well, I’m sure you get how less allergy-related symptoms and more sleep go hand in hand. Also, since sleep helps to decrease bodily inflammation (more on that in a bit) and inflammation can also intensify allergy symptoms, that’s just one more reason to get as much shut-eye as possible.
3. Less Sleep Means Potential Diabetes and Heart Disease
GiphyDid you know that in 2024, Black women were diagnosed with diabetes 24 percent more than any other adult demographic. Also, it continues to be a reality that heart disease is the leading cause of death for Black women. These two sobering statistics alone should be enough of an incentive to do whatever you can to keep the risk of diabetes and heart disease way down.
One way to do that is by getting more sleep. Aside from the fact that sleep strengthens your immune system to where it is easier for you to fight off illness and diseases, sleep can keep your blood sugar levels in a healthy space; plus, when it comes to your heart, it gives it, along with your arteries and blood vessels a break.
4. Less Sleep Means Less Time for Your Body to Push “Reset”
GiphyIf you really stopped to consider all that your body goes through during the day (you can read some about that here), you definitely would respect it enough to do your best to thank it by giving it no less than six hours of sleep, each and every night. Sleep is what helps to slow your brain and body down so they are able to “refuel” for the next day. After all, how can your body prevent you from getting sick if your immune system is too worn out to fight ailments off? Exactly.
5. More Sleep Helps You to Fight Off Infections
GiphySpeaking of, in order for your body to fight off infections, there are certain cells and antibodies within you that need to be healthy and strong — one way that they get and stay that way is by you getting a good amount of sleep. For instance, remember when I touched on cytokines earlier? Well, the same way that they help to prevent colds, they also help to prevent infections too. And since sleep lowers your cortisol (stress) levels, rest gives your body the time and space to build up an army that can fight off free radicals and other health-related challenges while you are awake.
6. More Sleep Lowers Bodily Inflammation
GiphyWhenever a health-related issue is mentioned on this platform, inflammation is something that is mentioned quite a bit. Probably the easiest way to explain inflammation is it’s how your body responds/reacts whenever something is happening to your body that shouldn’t be, whether it’s an illness, an injury, a germ or something that you may be allergic to.
If you happen to have chronic inflammation, some symptoms that are associated with that include fatigue, stiff joints, skin rashes, weight gain and moodiness.
The interesting thing about all of this is if you aren’t getting enough rest, you could be triggering inflammation in your body. That’s because studies reveal that a lack of sleep can elevate molecules that are associated with inflammation. So, if you don’t want inflammation to increase within your system, you should definitely catch more zzz’s.
7. More Sleep Regulates Hormones
GiphyWhen it comes to hormones like serotonin, estrogen and cortisol, believe it or not, they play a role in how your immune system acts and overreacts. That’s because, if your hormones are out of balance, that can cause your immune system to work harder than it actually should and that can make you more vulnerable to sickness. One way to keep your hormones leveled out? SLEEP.
That’s because sleep gives your body the opportunity to rest, repair and restore your hormone levels. On the other hand, when you are sleep deprived, that can put/keep your hormones on the ultimate roller coaster ride. #notgood
8. More Sleep Strengthens Vaccines
flu shot GIF - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphyIf you’re someone who is good for getting some sort of vaccine around this time of the year, make sure that you rest up before and after getting your shots. Not only does adequate rest before a vaccination help your immune system to be better receptive to your shots but sleep also helps your body to build up enough antibodies to make your vaccinations effective after getting them. Because if you’re gonna get pricked, shouldn’t it be worth it? My thoughts exactly.
Get some freakin’ sleep! Your immune system depends on it.
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