I have a friend whose superpower is timing. I've honestly never seen anything quite like it. An opportunity can come to him that, to me, seems like the best thing ever and he'll be like, "Yeah…it's not time." He'll let it go and not think too much about it. It's usually not until several months or even a couple of years later that similar opportunity will present itself. But the second time, 9 times out of 10, it requires much less effort on his part and the money that's on the table is at least double what the original offer was.
Whenever I ask him the secret to knowing that things will play out that way, he usually says something along the lines of:
"When I don't feel complete peace about something, I don't move…yet. If it's meant to be, it'll come back around at a time when I can really feel good about it."
So, you know what that means, right? Sounds to me like the first step towards becoming a master at timing is patience (more on that in a bit). Not only patience but self-confidence as well. He knows that he's so good at what he does that the things that are truly right for him will never pass him by.
Now, just think about all of the things that you went after or allowed into your life all because you were afraid of what would happen if they didn't? Yeah, there's no telling how many of us are bad at timing, simply due to us having a sense of desperation or worry attached to our decisions.
Well, there's no time like the present to break out of that mode. They say that timing is everything, so if you're finally ready to get what timing has determined is the absolute best for you, consider applying the following six tips.
6 Ways To Master The Art Of Timing
1.Know What Is Truly an Opportunity (and What Isn't)
Grandma used to tell us that everything that comes to us isn't for us. She's right. Personally, I tend to take this a step further. Whenever I meet new people, I'll say (usually in my mind as to not be rude), "Who sent you?" because everyone who comes our way doesn't have our best interest at heart either.
After learning more and more about how to make this timing thing work for me, I've realized that it's so much easier to do when I know what is truly an opportunity vs. what isn't. What I mean by that is, just because an offer, relationship, job, platform, etc. presents itself, that doesn't automatically mean that it's a real opportunity. By definition, an opportunity is something that comes to us at the appropriate time; it's also a situation that actually helps us to reach a goal that we're trying to attain.
So, the next time something or someone is presented to you, think about how appropriate (suitable or fitting for a particular purpose, person, occasion, etc.) it is along with how it will get you closer to your goals, plans and ambitions. If it gets the green light on both, this is a HUGE indication that it's something that came your way—at just the right time.
2.Make Sure Your Feelings and Logic Work Together
Yes, there is something to be said for women's intuition. But you know what's even more powerful? Intuition mixed with logic. While there is plenty of data that supports the fact that there is something to be said for us following our gut instincts, logical thinking is about facts, reality and doing what is reasonable; it's about not just making choices that are rooted in emotion alone.
The reason why applying gut instinct and logic is so important when it comes to mastering timing is because while your emotions will let you know what feels right, logic will help you to keep your feelings in balance.
Here's an example. Say that you're being strongly considered for a promotion that requires you to move to another city. While you might feel like it's a good idea, your poor credit score, the fact that you need a new vehicle but can't afford to get one yet, compounded with the fact that the raise you'd be getting isn't nothing to really brag about, all may point to it not being the best time for that kind of life change. At the same time, it can be a sign that it's a good season to get those things in order so that you're fully ready when the next opportunity rolls around.
When feelings and logic are in harmony, it can help you to understand when something is the right time now or when you should be preparing for something to be the right time…later.
3.Be on the Lookout for Signs and Symbols
Everyone close to me knows that I am quite the "signs and wonders" kind of individual. I can't recall the last time I needed to make a major decision and a sign didn't come along to confirm what I needed to do. However, the key towards having this work effectively in your favor is asking for a sign and then fully surrendering to the outcome.
One time, I was trying to decide if I should stop investing in something. I asked for a sign before I went to bed. The following morning, someone I hadn't spoken to in months, called me to say that they had a dream the night before about that very investment.
To me, it's God's way of reminding me that He's in control. It's a lot like a quote I once read—"There are no coincidences; just 'God incidences.'" If you're open to signs and symbols along the way (for the record, sometimes asking for a sign and not getting one is also a sign), this is another step that can help you to get better at moving at just the right time in your life.
4.Focus More on Circumstances Than Clocks
One of my married female friends (who is in her 50s) once gave me one of my favorite compliments to date. As we were discussing the fact that I'm in my 40s with no husband or kids and how I was at peace with both, she said, "I think it's because a lot of women want a family. Sometimes we want that so badly that we settle in the husband department, just so we can have kids before our clock runs out. You? I think your desire for a healthy marriage trumps you worrying about your biological clock. You want a great relationship, no matter the sacrifice."
She's exactly right. Have you ever been sitting somewhere, chillin' with a friend, totally present and in the moment with them, but for some reason you look at your smartphone, realize what time it is and suddenly everything comes to a screeching halt? Not because you actually have anywhere to be, but simply because you saw the time and now you're rushing yourself (and your friend)?
Unfortunately, a lot of us live our lives just like this. We're not thinking about what is truly best for us or even what we're enjoying in the present; we're anxious, fearful and sometimes even a little desperate, all because we're too caught up in what "time" it is. And that can cause us to miss out. Haste makes waste, after all.
Believe you me, I'm not gonna marry some dude who might be into me or I'm kinda sorta feelin', just so I can get married before I'm 50. When the right one comes along that will be the right time. The circumstances will tell me so; not some clock.
5.Master the Art of Patience
For whatever the reason, a lot of people think that patience only means to wait. Oh, but there is a definition that is far more trying than that! Another definition of patience is "the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like." (Don't get me started on how "love is patient" but so many folks are anything BUT patient in their relationships!)
In order for something to happen at the best time, a lot of puzzle pieces have to come together. Case in point. Have you ever tried to assemble a 1000+ piece puzzle before? Patient is exactly what you have to be!
Some of us miss out on things that have come at the right time because we're so busy complaining, losing our temper and being irritated that we don't see what is staring us right in the face. Trust me, some of the best opportunities don't come under the most ideal situations. But a person who practices the art of patience is calm and centered enough to recognize them when they come along anyway.
6.FORCE. NOTHING.
Using force to accomplish anything is a violation on some level. It's an act of abuse. One of my favorite definitions of abuse is "abnormal use" and to try and make something happen when it's not the right time is the abuse of timing.
No matter how smart, connected or even eager you are, you've got to accept that you don't have all of the answers. You're also not omnipresent, so you don't know all of what is transpiring, right at this very moment, that's ultimately gonna cause things to work out in your favor. Chill out and allow them to.
Giving a man an ultimatum to marry you is forcing timing (it can also set him up to be resentful and you to feel insecure). Threatening to quit the first time you're passed over is forcing timing (quit or stay but don't threaten). Starving yourself to shed a few pounds is forcing time (plus, it's super unhealthy).
To me, timing is a lot like an oven. I can have all of the right ingredients in a batch of cookies, but only a stove can actually bake them. And while it's doing that, all I can do is…wait. Not force; WAIT.
Featured image by Getty Images.
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So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
Despite launching media careers from different pathways, the two New York-based women have forged a friendship where they can discuss their ambitions and challenges.
Both women are part of xoNecole’s It Girl 100 Class of 2025, recognized in the Viral Voices category for the impact they’ve made through storytelling, creativity, and authenticity. Together, they represent what it means to build an "It Girl" brand with integrity and depth. In the spirit of SheaMoisture’s "Yes, And" ethos, Les and Kayla embody the freedom to be multi-layered as women evolving boldly into every version of themselves.
This conversation has been condensed and lightly edited for clarity
On Forging Their Own Paths
Les Alfred: Being a Jane of all trades is incredibly challenging. And one of the challenges I've faced is that the scope of what podcasters now need to do has increased so much. When I first interviewed you in 2019, I was still very new at it, but I remember being on a Skype call with you from my bedroom in Seattle. That was how I ran the show. And that was good enough. That is absolutely not good enough these days. The scope and the quality keeps increasing, but the resources that you have don't necessarily increase in order to remain competitive.
I get asked so many questions from people who want to get into podcasts and they want to get started. Most of the time, I'm just like, 'I don't have tips for you.' Because, one, I don't know what it's like to start in this current environment. Two, I know what it takes to contend and be consistent in this environment. The barrier of entry is a lot higher in terms of having something of quality than it was before.
On Balancing Ambition and Rest
Kayla Greaves: I've had to make a very clear effort to slow down and just not take on as much. Yes, you're running a business, but you're also living your life. I had one of those days yesterday. I just laid down and listened to white noise for hours because I just needed my brain to just be clear. I called a friend. I cried.
I'm starting over again today. The sun is out. It's a new day. And that's just sometimes what you have to do. You can't show up for your audience or for other people, if you can't show for yourself. I think that creativity comes from a place of living your life and having genuine experiences, and then sharing those experiences through your art.
"I had to give myself permission to let myself grow publicly in ways that I'd already done personally."
Courtesy
On Evolving Through Growth and Rebranding
Les: I didn't create Balanced Black Girl until 2018, but I started blogging and creating content and doing things under the Balanced brand in 2014. I was 24 years old at the time. Now, I'm 36. The things that were important to me, the perspective that I had and the stories I wanted to tell were entirely different. I think I had to give myself permission to let myself grow publicly in ways that I'd already done personally. The show isn't really about wellness anymore. And that shift started happening a couple of years ago.
When we started expanding into more lifestyle topics, more self-help topics [and] talking about entrepreneurship, the audience responded really well. That was when the show really started to grow and take off. And that was what got so much more engagement than the episodes back in 2020 when I was doing hour-long deep dives on gut health.
Rebranding the show was something I've been thinking about for a long time. When I was finally like, 'Oh, I need to do this,' honestly, was the 2024 presidential election. I was like, these people are about to be in here acting crazy. I do not feel safe with my business name being what it is. I don't want to be targeted for any BS. We saw what they did to the Fearless Fund.
"You have to balance your integrity with your income."
Courtesy
On Integrity Over Income
Kayla: I have many other interests aside from beauty. I'm growing and I'm changing as a person. I'm not the same person I was when I started at InStyle in 2019 before the pandemic rocked everybody's world. I don't think reviewing every single lipstick that comes out is exciting or interesting, because everybody does it now, and everybody feels like they're qualified to speak on things that they're not qualified to speak on. I'm currently in that pain point of growth.
I don't think I have always been in environments where I've been encouraged to branch out on my own ideas. I finished Ina Garten’s memoir maybe a month ago. She kept repeating this quote in her book. She said, ‘What goes in early, goes in deep.’ Now that I'm on my own and I don't have the resources of a traditional media company, which is what I have become accustomed to, sometimes it's difficult for me to be like, 'Okay, just go ahead with the thing.'
I think, Les, just the other day, you reposted somebody saying that they let go of a five-figure deal and then got double the next day because it just didn't feel aligned for them. Those are the things that happen. I have to find a balance of, 'Okay, how do I keep myself afloat?' And that may mean I may not be balling out of control just yet, but I'm okay for now. I can buy myself nice things every once in a while, but you have to balance your integrity with your income.
Les: There are just certain lines that I'm not willing to cross. Especially when I created more wellness content, one of those lines was I will not promote any sort of weight loss product. All of these GLP-1s all want to advertise on my podcast. I actually have nothing against those types of products, but I don't ever want someone to look at what I'm putting into the world and think that I'm saying that they need to feel a certain way about their bodies.
Even if the money is great, that's not for me to say, and that's not the type of message that I want to put out here. Or, I had another kind of brand deal come through that would have required me to divulge things about my personal life that I just don't really want my audience knowing about me, and bringing them along on journeys that I just find personal and I want to keep offline. I don’t want to be known for dragging my mess all over the internet for a buck.
I don't want to be known for being an influencer. I would love to be 1,000% in on my podcast, scale it, have it grow to be a media empire where I'm producing and putting out other bodies of work. For now, until that other side of the business really picks up and gets to the point where I want it to be, I kind of need to play the influencer game a little bit to live in this expensive city. But I'm gonna do it on my terms. It's a constant compromise that I'm coming to with myself.
"You can never make a big vision come to fruition if you're sitting and you're waiting for somebody else to tell you exactly what to do."
Courtesy
On Mutual Admiration and Friendship
Les: Something that I really admire about you in having known you for the past couple of years is you don't wait for a roadmap. You jump in, you roll up your sleeves, and you do it. You can never make a big vision come to fruition if you're sitting and you're waiting for somebody else to tell you exactly what to do.
Kayla: Well, first of all, I want to say thank you for saying that, because that means so much to me, and it's very affirming. That's exactly how I feel about you. I remember, even at your first live show, you're like, ‘Oh my god, I'm so stressed. I don't know what I'm doing.’ And, the shit sold out. And, you know, and now, like, you see the growth of the podcast. And you have nearly 61,000 subscribers on YouTube. I just checked recently.
I talk a lot about people that really just need to not say anything on the internet, because it's so frustrating as somebody who grew up as a traditional journalist. You want people to fact check and ask thoughtful questions and have good conversations. I've never said that about you. I've always loved your podcast. And I've sent a lot of your episodes to friends when they're going through specific things that you're talking about.
This season has been a little bit slower to me, so you've been a constant source of inspiration, and it's just been such a pleasure to see your podcast grow despite the challenges you've had. I know it's not easy, but you continue to grow and continue to push through, and I really admire that as somebody who sat and cried yesterday and listened to white noise.
And this is why I tell you all the time, you really do inspire me. I love you a lot.
Les: Oh my gosh, I love you a lot. I'm so glad that the podcast brought us together.
Tap into the full It Girl 100 Class of 2025 and meet all the women changing game this year and beyond. See the full list here.
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