men·tor/ˈmenˌtôr,ˈmenˌtər/noun – an experienced and trusted adviser.
The meaningful connections created through mentoring are incomparable. There's something about having another being who is not obligated to pour into you, see something in you, and choose to invest in your future. While having an actual mentor is amazing, most of us are guilty of dreaming up a guide that helps us navigate our lives. For me, it's Elaine Welteroth. Her unapologetic yet compassionate leadership style inspires me daily.
There's no more success gatekeeping in our community. We will lift each other up and share the wealth. That wealth is knowledge. Because knowledge is power, we gathered some successful women to share their "mentor in their heads", how they have helped them grow, and how they define success. With the gems they dropped, you may have to create an imaginary board of directors with these bosses on the roster.
Lindsey Granger
Photo Courtesy of Lindsey Granger
Lindsey Granger
Owner, LG Productions & Host, Daily Blast Live
Media/Television Industry
Denver, CO & Houston, TX
Her mentor in her head & why she chose them:
" My mentor in my head is Soledad O'Brien. I met her once before at a National Association of Black Journalists convention when I was still a student at Temple University. She is a woman of color whose existence has opened doors for me and so many other people aspiring to master media. Soledad not only has a very successful career in front of the camera from NBC to CNN to HBO, she's a rockstar that owns her very own production company called Starfish Media Group.
Soledad has made it a point, throughout her career, to cover issues that matter with complexity of thought and attention to true journalism. Her CNN series, Black in America and Latino in America broke records at the time they were released and enhanced the national conversation in a way that was fascinating to me. She's also from Long Island, New York...so we have a lot in common. I really do hope we're able to sit down and have coffee one day."
What she's learned from their triumphs:
"I've learned that it's OK to be myself - my full self. Soledad O'Brien has never shied away from asking tough questions, pushing back to fight for what's right and speaking her mind in public forums - that is something I had to learn to finally get comfortable with at age 32. I've learned that lofty goals are achievable with the proper amount of commitment to your craft and work ethic.
"Soledad is an award-winning documentarian, journalist, public speaker, author, production company owner, and philanthropist. I've learned that there is success in telling fair and accurate stories about communities of color. Soledad is largely to credit for the huge growth in African-American viewership for CNN because she made it a point to provide a space for uplifting stories about our community. I walk in her footsteps knowing the responsibility I have to handle the platform I have been given, with care."
What she's learned from their trials:
"I watched a recent interview where Soledad discussed her exit from CNN. She talked about new management coming in and how she was essentially demoted, but she was offered the opportunity to stay. She ultimately turned that down and moved forward working on her own projects. As a Black woman in media, who was working for NBC during the time of Ann Curry's exit on live television as well as Tamron Hall's disheartening exit, I understand that this industry and its treatment of women as a whole is absurd."
"I've always wanted to own my own production company - write, produce and edit my own material so no one would ever be able to tell me when my time in front of, or behind the camera was coming to an end. I made it a point to learn several aspects of the business and follow the footsteps of the women named above so that I can continue to create content that I'm passionate about, until I'm ready to be done doing so."
Advice she would give to a woman that may think of her as the mentor in their head:
"I would tell them to be fearless and bold when pursuing things they're invested in. I've learned so much over the years that I wish I would have known at a younger age. I've learned that you never get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate. I've learned that if you're uncomfortable with an interview or any task required of your job - you should be vocal and make your stance crystal-clear. The most important thing that I've learned is that authenticity will take you the farthest.
"For years, I was trying to replicate so many other broadcasters I have seen on television and I was always 'playing a role' because I wasn't being myself. The time when I was most authentically myself, let my guard down and was unafraid to speak my mind, was when my message was the most well-received. Be yourself, enjoy the ride and most importantly to all my ladies who are critical of any part of their appearance - you look great, trust me!"
A mantra that shapes her life:
"I meditate once, sometimes twice a day and at the end of each meditation, I give myself a hug and say, 'You are love, you deserve love.' I like to start the day loving myself first and setting myself up to be open to abundance - of course, I have my bad days, but I do believe that loving yourself and meditation are essential."
What she wants her mentor in her head to know about how they've shaped her journey:
"I am an extremist and genuinely study the career paths of people I admire. I would love Soledad to know that she helped a young girl from Long Island realize that anything was possible. I credit my interest in pursuing journalism to Soledad and many of the local News 12 anchors that I grew up watching. It's amazing what seeing someone who looks like you can do to help shape what goals you may develop. I now have my own production company which I started one year ago - Lindsey Granger Productions, I host a nationally syndicated television show and I am intentionally focusing on stories that matter to my community and uplift my community."
"I would say she has shaped my journey more than even I could imagine."
Carmen Jones
Photo Courtesy of Carmen Jones
Carmen Jones
Founder & CEO of The Black Girl Social Club
Atlanta, GA
Her mentor in her head & why she chose them:
"Over the years, I have really taken a liking to Issa Rae. I follow her closely. She reminds me so much of myself. What I love about her is that she refused to take 'no' for an answer. And when she did get rejected, she decided to do it herself. She is innovative, about her business, and you can tell that she wants to use her art to connect with Black millennials. I also love how she worked her butt off, did what she had to do, got her coins and her man and then disappeared. No social media antics, no drama. Just business. The blueprint!"
What she's learned from their triumphs:
"What I've learned from Issa is pretty simple: when you stay true to yourself, and don't give up, great things can happen."
What she's learned from their trials:
"I learned that the worst thing that can happen is someone tells you 'no', but in the end, it isn't really the worst thing at all."
Advice she would give to a woman that may think of her as the mentor in their head:
"To be honest, I'm not sure I'm a great advice-giver. My friends will have to follow up on this. But what I like to do with people who have come to me for mentorship is to teach them by showing them. They have to be hands-on. That's how you know when someone is serious-they've moved beyond just talking, and they're actually doing it. So any mentees I have are people who are actually doing the work. I think giving advice is a waste of time when you're talking to people who don't plan to do anything with it. So I guess if I had to give advice, it would be, start now. Be willing to learn, and do the work."
A mantra that shapes her life:
"Great things never came from comfort zones. I stand by that mantra, and it's how I live my life. One thing I know is that nothing great comes from complacency. Of course, the end goal is comfort, a nice life, a happy life, full of wonderful and healthy relationships. And I believe we can certainly have those things along the way. But there's always lessons to be learned, and work that needs to be done. I've learned so much from my 'failures' and challenges. The problem is, most people don't want to do the work, and when things get hard, they quit. When things get hard in my life, I push harder."
How she defines success:
"Success is having a goal and achieving it, not giving up. I don't allow other people to define what success looks like for me. Instagram doesn't define my success. The media doesn't. Not even the closest people in my life. I am the only person who can do that, and for me, it's simply doing what I said I would, and doing it well."
What she wants her mentor in her head to know about how they've shaped her journey:
"I just want the good sis Issa to know that her story is an inspiration to Black women who think differently and want to do things differently. What I love about Issa is that she doesn't try to be like everyone else. There's something about HER and her unique talent and thought process that lets me know she will have longevity. I'm thankful she stayed the course so she could serve as a motivator for women like me."
Patientce Foster
Courtesy of Patientce Foster
Patientce Foster
Chief Executive Officer at The Cream Agency
New York City, NY
Her mentor in her head & why she chose them:
"Opposed to popular opinion, I would have to say Kris Jenner has been a long-time mentor in my head. She may not have come face-to-face with some of the traditional obstacles and trials that a black woman would have to face. However, she did have to fight through a thick stigma that developed around her family early on. Not only was she able to do that but she was able to create an entire legacy for her family, putting everyone in positions to create wealth for themselves and their children. For that, that is why she's my mentor in my head."
What she's learned from their triumphs:
"I've learned from her triumphs that there's absolutely nothing that you cannot have and you cannot be simply because of what the world says that you are. I have learned that things take time to develop, to flourish, to grow.
"I have learned that it doesn't matter how old you are, the day you decide who you want to be for the rest of your life is completely up to you and within your control and your power. I have also learned that there is no limit, no cap to success. You don't have to go alone. You can bring whomever along with you as long as they are just as ambitious, hungry and driven as you are."
What she's learned from their trials:
"Pretty much the same thing. The world can tell you who they think you are but that's not who you have to be or who you have to remain as. You can choose whoever you want to be. There is no mistake big enough to completely stop the growth and stop your future from completely flourishing into all the things you envisioned for yourself and your life. For crying out loud, her daughter had a sex tape and they were able to pivot, adapt, and capitalize off of that one moment."
Advice she would give to a woman that may think of her as the mentor in their head:
"Number one, let my trials, tribulations, and obstacles be a reference point for inspiration but don't ever let it be your blueprint. Everyone's journey is different. How everyone gets it will not be the same. How everyone grows and succeeds will always be different because we are all different individuals and what is for us is for us. I will always say please continue to use me as a reference for what it is you want or for where it is you want to be, whether that be industry-focused, levels of success, my accomplishments but don't ever think that I am your blueprint.
"You are your blueprint. You create your blueprint. You build a plan of action that works for your life and for the people in it and your ambitions. I just want to be an inspiration. Let me be your reference for inspiration."
A mantra that shapes her life:
"'It is what it is.' It's simple and I keep it on the front of my desk. Yes, I could come up with a thousand mantras of how to succeed and how to completely change the trajectory of your life, how to wake up every day and build the life you want but no, it's very simple. It is what it is. That's my mantra because a lot of times in this lifetime, no matter what industry you choose to work in, no matter what you're going through personally or professionally, there are things that happen that are completely out of our control and 9 times out of 10 the things that are out of our control are things that drive us crazy, less focused, less motivated, less inspired, less ambitious, because we are concerned about the things we cannot control.
"I remind myself daily that some things are what they are. I can only focus on the things I can control. And the things I can control are the things that bring me happiness and maintain my level of peace. That will always be the mantra that shapes my life."
How she defines success:
"I define success by progression. I don't define my success by the level of what it looks like in a way that it shaped around material things. As long as I'm doing better than I've done and steps ahead of where I started, then I know I am succeeding. As long as I can see that there are changes that are continuously happening in my life for the better and those changes are happening as a direct result of the work that I put in, then I know I am being successful. As long as I can live off of my passion and I can feed my child off of my work and my livelihood, then I know I am succeeding. As long as I am not reverting or moving backwards, then I know I am succeeding."
What she wants her mentor in her head to know about how they've shaped her journey:
"The mentor in my head has become my mentor in real life and I am so fortunate. If I had to tell her how she's shaped my journey, I would say she has shown me that as a female, you can be assertive and direct while also being friendly and still not taking any shit and still be respected. I would tell her that where she started and where she is now has been motivation for the simple fact that there was nothing that kept her where she was. She was able to pivot even when she and her family were defamed and she was able to grow something so massive and phenomenal that they will be remembered for lifetimes after they are gone. She's shaped my journey simply because her mindset and ambition are unmatched. She is not to be outdone or outworked and that attitude has helped to shape a legacy."
Renae Bluitt
Photo Courtesy of Renae Bluitt
Renae Bluitt
Filmmaker, Storyteller & PR Consultant
New York City, NY
Her mentor in her head & why she chose them:
"My mentor in my head is none other than the brilliant and beautiful Oprah Winfrey. It's the tenacity and stick-to-it-iveness for me! She started from very humble beginnings, picked herself up from the bottom, and ran a successful talk show, all while just being herself (unapologetically), for almost three whole decades. She's built a media empire, including her own television network, where she uses her platform to enlighten and empower people globally, all while lifting as she climbs. What's not to love about this woman?"
What she's learned from their triumphs:
"'The surest way to bring goodness to yourself is to make it your intention to do good for somebody else.' - Oprah Winfrey
"So many people launch businesses and are only in it for themselves. We have to think about how our work will fill voids that exist and how we will help others. Oprah was committed to being of service to the world while building a profitable/sustainable business for herself. She set out to help others and reaped countless rewards and blessings in return."
What she's learned from their trials:
"'Turn your wounds into wisdom.' - Oprah Winfrey
"There's truly no escaping life's challenges. To appreciate the light, we must experience the dark. We can bask in the sunshine because we've endured the rain. Building a business can be the most gratifying, yet most challenging thing some of us will ever experience in life. When we're faced with negative circumstances, we have to be able to turn them into positives. There are so many beautiful lessons to learn from our mistakes."
Advice she would give to a woman that may think of her as the mentor in their head:
"I would tell her to trust the process and enjoy the journey. I spent so much time eagerly looking towards the next milestone in my life and career when I was younger.
"As I mature, I'm realizing how important it is to be present and enjoy this current chapter of life instead of rushing to get to the next. Our time here is so fleeting, we have to embrace where we are on our journeys to fully appreciate what's ahead."
A mantra that shapes her life:
"My first and only tattoo says 'do what you love' and I take this very seriously. When presented with an opportunity or experience, I stop and think about the feeling it evokes. If it's not a 'hell yes' moment for me, it's more than likely a 'no'. I'm not here for lukewarm experiences."
How she defines success:
"My definition of success has changed quite a bit over the years as I've evolved personally. Right now, success is a few things for me: Doing what I love while being of service to my community; the financial freedom to say 'no, thank you' to opportunities I'm not interested in exploring; the ability to make work optional. I look forward to taking time away from work as I see fit without feeling like I'm missing something.
"What's for me is for me, and no one else can claim a blessing that has my name on it."
What she wants her mentor in her head to know about how they've shaped her journey:
"I'd like Oprah to know that she gives this little brown girl from Indiana permission to think big. She's shown me that I can be multi-passionate and focused at the same time. Oprah shares her many gifts with the world while staying true to who she is at her core. I strive to be that comfortable in my own skin someday."
Featured image courtesy of the interviewees
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A big part of the clarity that is coming through this month is due to Neptune going direct in Pisces on December 10, after being retrograde here since July. With Neptune now direct, we are able to see our inspiration and creativity a little more clearly, providing the perfect energy for dreams and manifestation to be built upon. The smoke is clearing, and it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with this newfound clarity that this transit is bringing. Mercury also moves back into Sagittarius on December 11, which is great for communication and clarity, and the adventures you were trying to see through at the beginning of November come around for you again with greater purpose and support.
On December 15, Mars enters Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and this is the extra push we need to make important changes and to be on the path towards greater abundance, stability, and prosperity. Mars in Capricorn takes care of business, and we have extra energy at our disposal during this time to do so. This transit is an ideal time to focus on your career or financial goals for next year and to start putting some of these plans into motion now. A few days later, we have the New Moon of the month, which will be in Sagittarius on December 19, and this is the perfect New Moon to manifest.
The energy is high, magic is in the air, and it’s all about moving forward with the new beginnings that are inspiring you and bringing you joy to think about right now.
Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21, and this earth sign energy is how we heal, gain closure, and build new foundations in our world. With Venus also moving into a Capricorn a few days later, there is something about peace, prosperity, and security that we are gaining in life and in love as we close out the year, and this is what we need right now. This month is about reflecting on what was, letting go of old hurt, and renewing. December is an ending and a new beginning in one, and there is magic in this space to be created.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what December 2025 has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
December is a full-circle moment for you, Aries. You are seeing the gifts in your world and have a lot of gratitude for the way things have come about for you as of late. There are culminations in your world that are providing you with more abundance, stability, and community, and you are exactly where you are meant to be this month. With the Sun in a fellow fire sign and in your 9th house of travel for most of the month, December is a good time to get out of your comfort zone, explore the world around you, and get your body moving.
Mars, your ruling planet, also makes a change and moves into Capricorn on December 15, which will fuel your inspiration and power in your career space. You are making a lot of professional progress as we close out the year; however, make sure to be more mindful of your competitive drive right now. The New Moon on December 19 is the perfect opportunity for you to create some new plans and goals when it comes to traveling, education, and where you want to gain some new inspiration in your world. Overall, this is a month of things coming together for you serendipitously.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
December is about trusting your intuition, Taurus. You have a lot on your mind this month, and it’s best to delegate, communicate, and allow yourself some relief by opening up to someone and not feeling like you have to hold everything in. As we begin the month, we have a Supermoon in Gemini happening in your house of income, and the plans and projects you have been building here come to fruition for you now. This is the time to gain clarity on your financial world and to take a look at what spending habits you want to let go of here as well.
With Venus in your 8th house of shared resources for most of the month, you are doing a cleanse on your commitments, partnerships, and business ventures. You are taking a look at what you want to dedicate yourself to in the future, and what commitments you may need to let go of now in order to be in the space you truly want to be, both financially and within some of your relationship dynamics. Before we end the month, we have a New Moon in this same area of your chart, and it’s time to look at the opportunities that are presenting themselves and to trust your internal guidance system to lead you forward.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
You are moving forward fearlessly this month, Gemini. December is your month of love, passion, and dignity, and you are owning the light that you shine. We begin the month with the last Supermoon of the year, happening in your sign, and you are stepping up to the plate. You are showing up, owning how much you have grown this year, and allowing yourself to heal while also acknowledging that you have done your best and you deserve to have fun in the midst of the changes you are creating.
Mercury, your ruling planet, is officially out of retrograde, and you can use this energy to the fullest potential now. With Mercury in your 7th house of love, it’s time to speak from the heart and to talk about the things that matter and that are inspiring you right now to your loved ones. You never know what kind of epiphanies you may have when you open up the conversation to others. Before the month ends, you have a New Moon in this same love area of your chart, and this New Moon is all about manifesting romance, commitment, and abundance in your world.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
December is an opening for more love, more joy, and more freedom in your life, Cancer. You have come to a place where you hold so much gratitude in your heart for where you are today and where your heart is shining, and things come together for you with more ease right now. With the Sun in your 6th house of health, work, and daily routines for most of the month, you are getting your ducks in a row while also putting more energy and effort into taking care of yourself, your priorities, and your well-being. This month surprises you in many ways, and it’s because you are showing up.
Mars and Venus both move into your house of love, relationships, marriage, and abundance this month, and you are making strides in your love life. You have both of these opposing forces on your side and are being recognized for the love you are while also receiving the love you want. This month, overall, is about focusing more on the positives in your world and letting your heart have its joy. Before December comes to an end, there is a New Moon in Sagittarius, and this is the perfect opportunity to create the plans you want to see through next year, especially when it comes to your work life, colleagues, business ventures, and health.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
The scales of karma are balancing, and they are balancing in your favor this month, Leo. December is your month of truth, and of seeing it clearly in your world. The Sun is in your house of romance, pleasure, and happiness for most of the month, and it’s time to relax, be in the present moment, and allow what is meant to be, to be. With a Supermoon in your 11th house of manifestation as December begins, this is a powerful month for seeing your dreams come to fruition, and for feeling like the intentions you have set this year are finally here for you now.
Mars also moves into your 6th house mid-month, and this is the perfect energy to have to move into the new year. You have extra energy at your disposal right now and are feeling fearless with what is possible for you and your daily routine. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in a fellow fire sign, Sagittarius, and this is a breakthrough moment for you and your heart. December, overall, wants to show you how loved and supported you are and will be doing so in magical, unexpected, and concrete ways.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
December is a month of victory, Virgo. You are showing up and experiencing some new successes in your world that move you forward on your path in life. With a Supermoon in your 10th house of career as we begin the month, the effort and intentions you have made this year come into full bloom, and you are being recognized for who you are and the good work you have done. This month is all about showing up and allowing yourself to be seen and loved, knowing that you deserve the support and opportunities you are receiving.
Mars moves into Capricorn on December 15, which brings the passion and excitement into your love life, hobbies, and little pleasures in life that light you up. You want to have fun this month and are going to be walking into the new year with this fearless, happy, and spontaneous energy within you. Before the month ends, Venus also enters Capricorn, and in this same area of your chart, you have a lot to look forward to and believe in right now. Overall, December wants you to be happy and will be doing everything possible to make that happen for you. This is your month to shine, Virgo.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
December is a month of opportunity for you, Libra. New doors open, and you are financially making breakthroughs this month because of it. December begins with a Supermoon in your 9th house, and you are getting a clearer view of where you have been making strides in your life and how it has all brought you here to this present moment of freedom. This month is showing you what happens when you are fearless with your purpose and when you believe in yourself and what you are worthy of.
Moving further into December, Mars moves into your 4th house of home and family mid-month, and you are closing out the year in your safe spaces. You are spending more time with your loved ones and taking the time to quiet your mind and listen to what your heart has been telling you. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, happening in an area of your life that deals with communication. This is a great time for getting the answers you have been looking for and for feeling more clear-headed and confident about the decisions you are making as you move into the new year.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
Patience is a virtue this month, Scorpio. December is all about remaining patient and vigilant with what you are creating in your world, and knowing that the universe has your back. It’s time to be reminded of the power of hope, and this month is an opening to greater clarity in your life. There is a lot of energy in your financial zones right now, and this is providing you with new opportunities and new insight; however, the speed at which things come about for you may feel daunting. Keep your head up and eyes focused on what you want and know that you are more than worthy of receiving it.
With Mercury in your 2nd house of income this month, December is a good time to plant new seeds and to think about where you want to be financially a month from now or even a year. This month is asking you to think bigger and to think more long-term so that you can set the appropriate plans into motion now. We also have a New Moon in your house of income before the month ends, and this is when you will see more of your dreams come to fruition in this area of your life, and have more opportunities to build. Overall, December will be teaching you a lot, Scorpio.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
Sagittarius Season is here, and there is a lot in store for you this month, Sag. December is all about what you are dedicating yourself to. It’s about setting your intentions and putting the work in to back up your dreams, and about getting things in order so that when the new beginnings come, you are ready for them. The Sun and Venus are in your sign for most of this month, and there are a lot of eyes on you right now. You have the potential to create a new beginning for yourself, and it’s time to invest in yourself, your love life, and your dreams.
Mercury moves into Sagittarius on December 11, and this is giving you another opportunity to see through some of the plans that you had initiated in November. Mercury was retrograde in your sign last month, and there may have been some disruptions to your vision and plans for the future, and now this energy is turning around for you. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in Sagittarius, and you are walking through new doors fearlessly. You are catching others by surprise by your growth this month, and you are thinking a lot about your purpose, future, and plans for the new year.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
December is all about the vision, Capricorn. You are moving through a lot of changes and transformations this month, yet they are giving you a chance at a new beginning in the process. You are focused more on the future and what goals you want to manifest for yourself right now, and are ready to let go of what hasn’t been working for you. With the Sun in your 12th house of closure for most of December, this is your time for healing, but remember, healing doesn’t have to be isolating or boring; you can thrive while you renew, and you are this month.
Mid-month, the excitement picks up for you, and you are feeling more energized than you have in a while. Mars moves into Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and you are being proactive with your goals, intentions, and passions. You are a force to be reckoned with this month, and you are making things happen for yourself with confidence. Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21 this year, and this is definitely speeding up your healing process. You are breaking free from what was, and with Venus also moving into Capricorn before the month ends, you are leaving this year in high spirits and with love opening a new door for you.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
December is all about community, creativity, and manifestation, Aquarius. This is the month to work together with others to help bring your dreams to life. You are in a space of inspiration, empowerment, and beauty, and are creating more of this energy around you and in your world. Look out for what support comes your way this month and know that you don’t have to do everything alone to succeed. With the Sun in your 11th house of manifestation and friendship, your intentions are coming to fruition, and it’s time to celebrate with the people you love and to own how far you have come this year.
On December 19, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, lighting up your life in all of the best ways possible. This is your New Moon of freedom, victory, and magic, and you are seeing new beginnings appear that you were once just hoping for. Before the month comes to an end, Venus moves into your 12th house of closure, and after an active and successful month, you are ready to relax, heal, and give your heart some of the attention it has been asking for. You are moving into the new year with the need to release and renew what hasn’t been working in your relationships, and you are finally ready to.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
December is a big month for you, Pisces. You are making some huge accomplishments this month, and are feeling like everything you have been through this year has been worth it for these moments that are coming to fruition for you now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career and reputation for most of the month, and this is where a lot of your focus is right now. You are claiming your successes and putting yourself out there in ways that not only serve you, but that inspire others as well.
Neptune officially goes direct on December 10, after being retrograde in your sign since July, and you are finally seeing things a little more clearly. You are feeling renewed inspiration and passion in your life, and your intuition is your strongest asset right now. Before December comes to an end, we also have a New Moon in your 10th house of career, and what happens now not only changes things for you in the present, but it also opens new doors and what is possible for you in the new year as well. Overall, you are on top of your game this month and are owning the joy and empowerment you feel.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Oh, but there are plenty of people whose egos have them thinking that they can read someone else’s mind. Then there are others who have fantasies, which create unrealistic expectations that others in their lives actually should read their mind. And you know what — both of these things can cause unnecessary stress, drama, and trauma, if folks aren’t careful.
And that’s why I think it’s important that we unpack this a bit more. Because if you’re someone who thinks that if another person truly cares for you, they should be able to read your mind, it’s time to let that ridiculous yet semi-popular notion absolutely and completely go.
Here’s why.
It’s Scientifically Impossible for Someone to Read Your Mind
There are a couple of reasons why I am starting this off with R&B singer Avant. For one thing, I don’t think that he gets nearly enough flowers and secondly, clearly, this is a more-than-fitting song for today’s topic, wouldn’t you say? Because, lawd, there really is something that makes some of us feel all warm ‘n fuzzy about the mere thought of a man telling us that he is so in tuned with us that he can basically read our mind.
Hmph. Problem with that is, as I said in the intro, it is scientifically impossible (for us and for AI to do, praise the Lord!). And yet the fact that so many individuals think that they defy scientific data and research is oftentimes why there are so many breakdowns in communication — because if you run on assumption (that you can read someone’s mind) without clarification and confirmation, you can create issues that didn’t exist before you decided to fall for your own mind-reading theories.
Now to be fair, while science is still trying to figure out why we can’t read minds, what is sure is that we do have the capability to perceive the thoughts and actions of others if we’re willing to pay really close attention. However, do keep in mind that reading and perceiving are different. Reading? It’s about being able "to apprehend or interpret the meaning of" and "to anticipate, expect, or calculate by observation." Perceiving? It’s all about “to become aware of, know, or identify by means of the senses” and “to recognize, discern, envision, or understand.”
And already, do you see the differences? So much certainty comes with reading while perceiving is about humbling oneself (bookmark that) to not try to know everything but instead to try and understand what is transpiring. And since no one person (or their mind) is ever truly static, that is a huge part of the reason why believing that you can read someone’s mind — no matter how close you may be to them — is futile. You can change your mind on a dime. Others can do the same. Learning to perceive what is going on instead of assuming that you can “read” folks is far more beneficial.
Besides, you might be surprised by a particular demo who thinks that if you are truly who they need you to be, you will read their minds — and boy, once you know who they are, that may cure you of the whole “read your mind” ish…quick, fast and in a hurry.
The Expectation Is Oftentimes Rooted in Egomania
GiphyWhile doing a bit of research on this topic, I thought it was interesting that a particular type of person kept coming up. Can you guess which one? A NARCISSIST. What I kept noticing is a telling sign of a narcissistic individual is they expect others to read their mind.
I must admit that I was caught off guard by that at first because narcissists and their damn egos are so out of control (bookmark that) that it would seem like they would be more focused on acting like they know the thoughts of other people. Here’s the thing, though — the reason why narcissists want others to read their mind is because they want you to do things like guess what they want and need before they ask — and they want that to happen because they believe that they are so damn special that you should put in the extra blood, sweat and tears to figure it all out. Hmph. Now that tracks.
Another reason why narcissists want you to be able to read their mind is so they can manipulate and deflect. Meaning, if you say and do things based on what you thought they wanted you to, should everything crash and burn, they can dodge accountability and blame you for it. Hmm, does reading someone’s mind seem romantic and beautiful now? SMDH.
And again, all of this is tied to ego because, at the end of the day, mind-reading is a form of control and narcissists are definitely very controlling people. And honestly, mind-reading is as well because why do you even want to know someone’s private thoughts before they share them and, at the same time, why would you want someone to have that kind of power in your life either? “Eww” is what immediately comes to my mind. “Yuck” is what follows.
So, why is it that so many people think that it’s a good thing to have someone read their mind — I mean, the ones who don’t show narcissistic tendencies, that is? Good question.
5 Reasons Why Some People Wish Someone Would/Could Read Their Mind
GiphyOkay, so ego and pridefulness aside, what would be some other reasons why people think that it’s such a wonderful thing if someone who they are in some sort of intimate relationship with can read their mind.
1. They are caught up in Disney and rom-coms. One day, I am going to do an article on all of the ways that Disney and rom-coms have destroyed the reality of relationships. For now, I’ll just say that the scripted tales of both have caused a lot of people to think that if someone loves them, they should be able to read their mind. Nooo…if someone loves you, they should care to know what is on your mind. And that brings me to the second point.
2. They aren’t as good at communicating as they think. Are you a good communicator? One way to know if you are is you’re able to clearly articulate your wants and needs — because really, if you are able to do that, why should anyone even need to read your mind? Feel me? Let’s move on.
3. They want someone else to work harder at their relationships than they do. I say it in my sessions often — it’s beyond crazy to think that someone should work harder at figuring out what your wants, needs and expectations are than you are willing to express them. Hmph. It makes me think of a friend of mine who says that “should” is a dangerous word. What she means by that is saying that someone should do or not do something simply because YOU THINK that’s how it “should” go is a surefire way to stay disappointed and even be disillusioned. No, your man shouldn’t just know what you want every year for your birthday. Did you state it? If not, why aren’t you playing fair? Who has time for all of the guessing games and then getting penalized if they guess wrong? Stop it.
4. They think it’s the sign of a healthy relationship (it isn’t). Anyone who knows me knows that I am always and forever going to be Team Healthy over Team Happy and my reason why never changes. Only children expect to live in a world where they are happy all of the time — and yes, there are a lot of childish people out here. People who want their mind read? They tend to live in happy land. Meanwhile, a healthy relationship knows that clear communication, mutual respect, keen listening, patience and understanding that humans make mistakes are foundational to its success.
5. They are lazy. And yes y’all, some people want others to read their mind because they are lazy and it really is just as simple as that. Thing is, while they are being passive aggressive, dropping hints or giving the silent treatment so that you can figure out whatever it is that they…want you to figure out, that tends to take more effort than simply speaking up. Ridiculous, chile.
How to Let the Myth Go
GiphyGee, after reading all of this, suddenly reading minds just seems like a lot of silliness with a sprinkle of drama and potential trauma, doesn’t it? And it’s all because some people choose to treat something that is a myth like it’s a bona fide fact. SMDH.
And what if you happen to be one of those individuals? How do you break free? COMMUNICATE. Openly, clearly and maturely share what’s on your mind and heart because, the true tell of a solid relationship isn’t that someone can read your mind; it’s that they can retain what you’ve already stated.
Less reading. More perceiving. That’s the secret sauce.
And when you accept this for what it is, you will realize that it’s far better for you, your partner and your relationship to stop expecting the impossible and to accept what is actual: that learning your partner, as they strive to do the same thing with you, is better than you both assuming that you know what…maybe you do, maybe you don’t.
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Author Frank Sonnenberg once said, “People can’t hear what you don’t say. Thinking isn’t communicating” — and I think this is a perfect place to bring all of this to a close.
Find the kind of relationship(s) where intention is so strong that mind-reading isn’t even desired.
At the end of the day, it really is as simple as that.
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