On April 7th 2016, a barefoot Dej Loaf entered the Ventanas rooftop in Atlanta in style.
Her custom gold Nicci Hou dress gently hugged her curves, the train brushing across the yellow rose petals tossed casually on the floor from the bowls of her female escorts, while celebrities, guests and press snapped photos of the Detroit rapper in celebration of her grand entrance into the quarter-life. The Coming to America themed party hit the blogs that following Monday just as event planner Summer Bledsoe Totten, who created the dessert table for VIP guests, breathed a sigh of relief for the completion of yet another successful extravaganza.
“I get people who call now like 'oh you did Dej Loaf's party? Can you do my party?'" says Totten. “It opened a whole other door."
For the Atlanta native, party planning isn't a hobby, it's the fulfillment of a lifelong dream. One that she had pushed aside after graduating from Morgan State and jumping the broom at the age of 22. As she puts it, life took over, priorities shifted to marriage and motherhood, and the little girl who once envisioned herself planning other people's weddings became a woman working a nine-to-five for the government.
That is, until her youngest daughter turned three. While many mom's lament at the idea of having to put together a noteworthy gathering for their little one, Totten saw it as an opportunity to tap back into her creative aspirations. “Once I had my daughter I realized, hey, I had dreams. I had stuff that I wanted to do. So I was like let me plan a party for her."
But she didn't just want the typical Chuck-E-Cheese gathering; she wanted something special that catered to the likes of her little princess. Realizing that there was a lack of options for girls, she decided to take matters into her own hands and create a one-of-a-kind event that both friends and family would never forget.
Kids dessert table at Tammy Rivera's swimsuit launch.
Its Your Party ATL set up for a kids fashion show
After sharing her goals with her boss, she was provided with a copy of The Go-Giver, a story centered on a character striving for success. Totten began to revisit her own purpose in life. “After reading the book, literally it clicked. I was talking to [ my boss] and she was like, if it's your passion and it brings you joy, you should try to do it."
But there were a few problems. Well, perceived problems that turned out to be excuses in disguise. “My reason was life was in the way. I have a responsibility by my kids. I have a husband. I have a job. We've got insurance. We've got a house. We've got a mortgage. And so I was basically like no, I can't do this."
With encouragement from her husband, family, and a circle of equally driven and women entrepreneurial friends, Totten could no longer defend her reasoning for not going after the one thing that both scared and fueled her. She started taking weekend classes—eight hour long sessions on everything from baking to decorating—and spent nights perfecting her planning skills in preparation for launching her own business. In 2012, It's Your Party became official. “I felt like I had no choice but to go out and pursue my dreams. I'm like why not? What's holding me back? I can't say it's my husband. I can't say that I don't have the support. So why do I think that I can't be a professional at it? I've literally just looked at it like I don't have a choice. This is what I want to do and I have no reason not to. Why should I settle and not do what I really, really love to do?"
Totten started with kid parties and baby showers for clients in the surrounding communities, making sure to tag her Instagram photos for those scouring hash tags for events in the Atlanta area. It didn't go unnoticed. “I was doing an event for a rapper named Young Scooter, and the lady who was doing balloons there was like, 'oh I follow you on Instagram and I love your work!' And then she ended up calling me one day and was like Tiny is having a charity event that she does every year for kids for Christmas. Do you want to contribute at all?"
There was a catch—she wasn't getting paid for her services. But what she sacrificed monetarily she gained in connections. “I literally look at it as marketing, and if you can't afford marketing then you can't afford to do business. Because marketing is a huge part of business."
Dessert table at T.I. and Tiny's baby shower
After successfully lending her talents for the event, she received a request to create the dessert table for rapper T.I. and his wife Tiny's baby shower, and soon began partnering with her fellow event planners on a number of events catering to celebs and their children in addition to maintaining her own steady stream of clientele. Totten believes that it's her uniqueness and knack for personalization that takes her ideas to the next level. “I'm putting your child's pictures on the label and things that can make a party unique for that person and making it a memorable event."
The average client comes to It's Your Party armed with just a theme or a color scheme, and it's up to Totten to bring the vision to life through customized invites (that she prefers to do herself), décor, and edible creations. “Once I create the invitations, my head is already at the event. I'm already visualizing your linen, your labels, etc. I already have it drawn out and know exactly how it's going to look. So basically it starts with the invitation."
If she's working in tandem with other party planners, she still prefers to have a certain level of control over the event. “If you're using an outside person, I need that person's information because I want to coordinate with them. It's a stress-free process for you. I do a lot of treatments with the visuals so that way I don't have to worry about everything not matching and not coordinating. Everything has to coordinate and match, and if I have total control, then it's going to be successful."
Summer and her husband.
Being a boss, a wife of 13 years and a mom (she recently had her fourth child in January) while still working part-time at her government job, is no easy feat, but having the support of her husband, especially, helps her to stay committed to the end goal. "I'll call him like babe I need you to look up who this person is because they're calling me about the party and he'll come back to me in like five minutes and give me the whole history on them. He's just like you need to go for it. If he sees me renting stuff too often he'll be like, do you need to buy it? I don't want you paying rent now. Without support I would've been like man forget this."
Totten admits that there are times that she feels guilty about missing football games and cheerleading practices. It helps knowing that she has a strong support system in her family and friends, and makes sure to bring her kids along when situations permit. “If I'm just going to be at a party for a couple of hours, I'll bring them along so they see oh this is my mom's party. That helps me feel that they know why I can't do certain things."
The sacrifice does come with rewards, though. In this case, it's knowing that she's no longer dying in the confinements of comfort and instead is living her dream.
“To know your purpose and actually have the willingness to pursue being yourself, having freedom and feeling comfortable enough to be yourself, to me is an ultimate goal to me for any woman."
While many women struggle to find the answer of how to have a marriage, kids and a fulfilling career, Totten is proving that it's possible to both be your own boss and come home to a loving family. It's all about being unafraid to pursue everything that you want, and not making excuses as to why you don't deserve to have it all.
To find out more about Summer's event planning business, visit Its Your Party ATL on Instagram.
RELATED
So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
Since we all spend roughly one-third of our lives sleeping, and a good portion of that is while we are in a dream state, let’s take a moment to explore some fascinating (and proven) facts about the topic of dreaming.
It just might cause you to think more (or differently) about how you rest and when you rest — so that the quality of your dreams can become better than ever.
1. Men and Women Dream Pretty Differently
GiphyA quote that I like and use often is, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (Larry Dixon) And yes, men and women are created differently in order to balance one another — and I will forever die on that hill. Which is why it doesn’t surprise me in the least that, even when it comes to dreaming, males and females are not exactly the same.
Although research does indicate that dreaming, in part, is about how we process memories while we sleep regardless of our gender, men’s dreams tend to be more about action while women’s dreams are more about conversation. Not only that but women’s dreams are typically longer; men dream about other men more than women do (interesting), and women dream more from their own perspective while men daydream more with the topic usually being about sex.
2. Lucid Dreaming Is a Method to “Control” Your Dreams
GiphyIf it feels like you are aware of the fact that you are dreaming as you are doing so, pardon the pun, but it’s not all in your head. What this is called is lucid dreaming and, the fascinating thing about it is, to a certain extent, you can actually control these types of dreams whenever you have them. If the mere thought of this fascinates you and you want to try and “rig up” some of your dreams (LOL) — some sleep experts say that doing things like keeping a dream diary and a sleep schedule can help to make this happen. Anyway, you can read more about lucid dreaming here.
3. Dreams Typically Have a Short Shelf Life
GiphyAlthough it’s been reported that people tend to spend somewhere around two hours of their night dreaming, the thing to keep in mind is most individuals have multiple dreams during that period of time — and for this reason, oftentimes dreams last for no longer than 5-10 minutes tops (although some have the ability to last considerably longer. You can read more about that here and here).
4. Dreams Happen When You Are in REM Sleep (You’re “Paralyzed” Then Too)
GiphyWhen it comes to sleeping, it actually happens in four different stages. While you can read more about those here, as far as your dream state is concerned, most of that tends to happen during your rapid eye movement cycle which is better known as REM. It is when you are in your final stage of sleep which is why your dreams typically are the most intense during that time.
Know what else is wild about dreaming during REM? Although you don’t realize it, your body is actually paralyzed. And although, initially, that might sound low-key terrifying, it’s actually a blessing in disguise because your brain is telling your muscles to stop working (temporarily) and that is what ultimately keeps you from acting out whatever you are dreaming about. The more you know.
5. Certain Sex Dreams Have NOTHING to Do with Sex At All
GiphySex-themed dreams are very normal and quite common. Thing is, although the dreams may be about sex, oftentimes what they are interpreting is something entirely different. For instance, a BDSM dream is oftentimes about having a controlling parent, while a sex dream that involves a lot of dirty talk could represent someone who wants to free themselves from how others perceive them, and recurring sex dreams about your ex typically means that there are some unresolved issues that you may have with them.
Oh, and while we’re on this topic, dreams about cheating usually means that you are feeling some sort of jealousy in your relationship while sex with a boss usually means that you want to move up in your job or be appreciated more often — not that you want them in a sensual type of way.
6. You Can’t Read or Tell Time in Your Dreams
GiphyHere’s something that you’ve probably never thought about before — when you think back on the dreams that you can remember (more on that in a bit), how many of them do you recall reading or even telling time in? If you said “a few,” science would probably give you the side-eye because, according to their research, reading (and telling time) is virtually impossible to do whenever you are in your dream state.
The reason why is because, while you are dreaming, the logical and intellectual part of your brain pretty much shuts down. If that bothers you, the easiest way to try to read (or tell time) would be to train your mind to do some of the lucid dreaming that we already talked about.
7. Your Recurring Dreams Typically Mean You Need to Address Something
GiphyOut of all of the things that I’ve mentioned about dreams, this is probably the most obvious revelation — if you are having a recurring dream, it tends to mean that either you have some unresolved issues in your life or there is a need that needs to be met that hasn’t been yet. While doing a bit of research on this one specifically, I thought it was interesting that many mental health experts say that some of the most common recurring dreams involve flying, falling, encountering a dead individual, your teeth falling out or being nude.
And what are some ways to “end” recurring dreams? See a therapist. State what your needs actually are (to the person who is not meeting them). Lower your stress levels. Get more consistent rest. Speak with your doctor about altering your medications (if you happen to be on some). To that last point, a not-so-fun fact: melatonin usage is sometimes attached to nightmares. Goodness.
8. Foods You Consume Can Influence Your Dream State
GiphyThere are several reasons why you shouldn’t eat immediately before turning in at night; one reason is because it has the ability to mess with your body’s natural circadian rhythm which is your system’s 24-hour clock. This is relevant when it comes to sleep because your circadian rhythm helps to control things like your sleeping pattern.
Another thing to take note of is to not only push the plate back 2-3 hours before going to bed but to watch what you do choose to consume as well. That’s because, believe it or not, certain foods do have an impact on your dream life. Like did you know that dairy can cause digestive issues that can lead to microaggressions that can give you very strange dreams?
Or were you aware that sugary foods can trigger your nervous system and make your dreams more vivid and intense? Interestingly enough, dairy, sweets and also spicy foods can also increase your chances of having a nightmare. Hey, don’t shoot the messenger, chile.
9. Is It True That Some People Don’t Dream at All?
GiphyI don’t know about y’all, but when I was growing up, I used to hear that if you don’t dream, you’re crazy. The actual fact is that, although most people absolutely do dream, the reason why they don’t remember them (or they dream less than other people) is because they don’t fall into REM sleep as much or often as they should.
And what are some of the main reasons for why this would happen? Sleep disorders, depression and medications that treat anxiety are all things that top the list. So, if not dreaming is something that bothers you, speak with your doctor and consider seeing a sleep specialist. An underlying issue could be the cause.
10. Not Only Scary Movies Lead to Nightmares
GiphyWhile reading a Harvard-based article entitled, “Nightmares and the Brain,” I thought it was interesting that it separated nightmares from night terrors (nightmares can be remembered; night terrors cannot although people do wake up screaming or frightened), that night terrors mostly happen to children and “Night terrors are not technically dreams but are instead sudden fearful reactions that occur during transitions from one sleep phase to another.”
Okay, but clearly people have actual nightmares (1 in 20 people say that they do at least once a week); however, guess what the source of a lot of them are? While sometimes it’s a horror film, oftentimes it’s stress, anxiety or simply sleep deprivation. Honestly, I might have a nightmare a couple of times a year, tops (and I remember my dreams on a daily basis). So, if that’s a sign that I’m managing stress well — happy to hear it!
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Welp, there you have it: 10 facts about dreams. Now that you know them, does it make you want to approach sleeping — and dreaming — in a different way? If so, hop in the comments and tell us why. Because, clearly, dreaming is more than just a notion. Amazing.
Sweet dreams to all, y’all.
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Featured image by PeopleImages/Shutterstock