The Eclipse Season saga continues into this month along with the Retrograde party. The month ahead continues to find us challenging what we've known as the truth as facades come crumbling down. This is a time in which we're encouraged to tune into our intuition instead of making decisions on what is presented to us. Sometimes the truth is a tough, but necessary, pill to swallow.
As sobering as this month can be, Venus comes through with the love assist to soothe us after experiencing some much-needed reality checks. Remember--we're all going through a lot of changes right now so be kind to yourself and others. Instead of feeding into the divisiveness, lean into our shared humanity.
Check out how your zodiac sign is affected in the month ahead!
Aries
AriesLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe beginning of the month has you focused on home and family matters, Aries. However, duty calls as it pertains to your career challenging you to find that much-needed work-life balance. The New Moon Solar Eclipse invites you to assess your inner dialogue and the way you communicate with others. Mental limitations that restrict you from living and expressing your truth are dissolving with this lunation.
When Mars enters Leo, you've got the confidence to not only talk the talk but to walk the walk as well.
On the 14th, the Saturn-Uranus square could bring a reality check regarding your finances and long-term goals. The following week, the Sun enters Cancer, motivating you to do absolutely nothing but stay at home. On the 22nd, Mercury goes direct which helps you move a project into the next phase. The Full Moon on the 24th highlights an achievement of yours. June wraps up on a high note with Venus entering Leo, inspiring you to shine your light!
Taurus
TaurusLaci Jordan for xoNecole
June begins with Venus sweetening up your tongue. As the saying goes, "You'll catch more flies with honey." The New Moon Solar Eclipse on the 10th invites you to dive deeper into your beliefs about your self-worth and finances. Creating wealth for yourself starts from within. On the 11th, Mars enters Leo encouraging you to rule with love, not an iron fist. Be mindful of how much energy you're exerting towards your career goals around the 14th.
Prioritize time to decompress and do something just for you.
When Jupiter Retrograde meets up with the Sun in Cancer on the 20th, spend some time nurturing your dreams. Speak life into your future and surround yourself with supportive friends. On the 22nd, Mercury goes direct which helps you get back on track financially. The Full Moon on the 24th gives you a chance to be recognized for your contributions to your community. During Neptune's six-month Retrograde, you're invited to gain more clarity about the greater impact you want to have on society and how your tribe can help you achieve your mission. When Venus enters Leo on the 27th, indulge your inner child with some much-needed play time.
Gemini
GeminiLaci Jordan for xoNecoleYour values, finances, and material assets could use some TLC when Venus enters Cancer at the top of the month, Gemini. The New Moon Solar Eclipse on the 10th brings sweeping changes to at least one area of your life. Life as you know it may be moving in a completely different direction but it's exactly what your soul ordered to experience more growth. When Mars enters Leo on the 11th, your energy is bursting through the seams, making this the perfect time to get any busy work done--especially those tasks you've been putting off. Around the 14th, be mindful of others challenging your spiritual beliefs.
Your path isn't meant to be understood by everyone.
On the 20th, Jupiter goes Retrograde, inviting you to dive deeper into your career preparation. The Sun shifts into Cancer on the same day, encouraging you to nurture your hidden gifts and talents. When Mercury goes direct on the 22nd, you're feeling a lot more sociable than you have been this month. The Full Moon on the 24th exposes the truth about someone in a position of power or influence. Throughout Neptune Retrograde, you'll be able to see through illusions a lot more clearly. On the 27th, Venus enters Leo, motivating you to seize new opportunities that require you to be front and center stage.
Cancer
CancerLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe month begins with Venus pouring in the blessings once she enters your sign on the 2nd, Cancer. The New Moon Solar Eclipse invites you to shed the final layers of a fear that has held you back from expressing more of your true essence. When Mars enters Leo, you're motivated to get the bag in some ways that align more with your current value, making this a supportive time to renegotiate existing contracts and agreements. Be mindful of clashing egos within your friend group around the 14th.
Challenge yourself to hold space for differing perspectives and experiences to cultivate deeper intimacy within your connections.
On the 20th, Jupiter Retrograde meets up with the Sun in Cancer which is a good time to dive deeper into research, studying, and writing. When Mercury goes direct on the 22nd, your intuitive insights become more clear, granting you the confidence you need to move forward in a new direction. The Full Moon on the 24th could have you dissolving a contract or partnership that doesn't align with your long-term goals. During Neptune Retrograde, which kicks off on the 25th, you're invited to restore your connection with your Higher Self. The month ends with Venus entering Leo, making you a magnet for good fortune and expansive opportunities that give you the opportunity to shine!
Leo
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Take it easy on yourself this month. With Venus entering Cancer, your energy may not be up to par. Get your rest and take lots of cat naps. On the 10th, the New Moon Solar Eclipse reveals how out of alignment some of your friendships are. Avoid getting caught up in gossip and handle this matter with maturity so you don't f*ck up your karma. When Mars enters Leo, you're feeling rejuvenated and ready to take on the world. On the 14th, be mindful of power struggles with an employer or someone in a position of authority.
Choose your battles wisely.
On the 20th, Jupiter begins its retrograde, giving you a chance to dive deeper within yourself for some much-needed soul-searching. On the same day, the Sun enters Cancer, inviting you back into your cozy cocoon to prepare for your birthday season. When Mercury goes direct on the 22nd, you're able to clear up confusion and misunderstandings amongst your tribe. The Full Moon in Capricorn reveals a habit of yours that is detrimental to your well-being. Work-life balance is the key to supporting your health. The month ends with Venus entering your sign bringing the birthday blessings in a little early.
Virgo
VirgoLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe beginning of the month brings your attention to your friends, social network, and your hopes and dreams, Virgo. On the 10th, the New Moon Solar Eclipse invites you to free yourself from the expectations of others by defining what your truth is separate from those that you've placed on a pedestal. When Mars enters Leo, be mindful of repressed anger bubbling to the surface. You may think you're mad at one thing when in actuality there's something deeper to explore internally. The Saturn-Uranus square on the 14th has you feeling at odds with your responsibilities and your growing desire for freedom.
When Jupiter goes retrograde on the 20th, you're encouraged to get into some self-reflection to gain a better understanding of repetitive, and undesirable, relationship dynamics.
On the same day, the Sun enters Cancer, making this a good time to nurture your connections with like-minded people. Everything starts getting more clear when Mercury goes direct on the 22nd, giving you the momentum you need to move forward with your career goals. The Full Moon on the 24th illuminates the intentions of a casual romantic interest. This is a make it or break it moment to determine whether you should continue to invest your time. During Neptune Retrograde, the rose-colored glasses come off and you're seeing others for who they truly are, not who you want them to be. The month wraps up with Venus teaming up with Mars requiring you to keep your ego in check.
Libra
Libra
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The pressure is on in matters of career and reputation but if anyone can rise to the occasion it's you, Libra. The New Moon Solar Eclipse on the 10th supports you in dissolving thought-patterns that don't support your greatness. Speak life into you and your dreams! On the 11th, Mars enters Leo which could bring out the competitive side amongst you and some friends.
Avoid the drama and channel that motivation towards accomplishing your goals.
A secret about a love interest can be revealed around the 14th which could either strengthen the relationship or end it. Jupiter goes retrograde on the 20th, inviting you to take better care of your physical health which could mean addressing some of your escapist or over-indulgent tendencies. On the same day, the Sun enters Cancer, motivating you to make some boss moves. When Mercury goes direct on the 22nd, any delayed travel plans are finally moving forward. The Full Moon on the 24th brings a home or family matter to the head for resolution. June wraps up with Venus entering Leo to soften the intensity and increase the playful energy amongst your tribe.
Scorpio
Scorpio
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The beginning of the month kicks off with Venus entering Cancer which has you attracting some loyal followers that want to soak up the gems of wisdom you have to share. On the 11th, the New Moon Solar Eclipse invites you to transform your mindset, which ultimately transforms your life. When Mars enters Leo, you're motivated to overcome any challenges standing between you and your career goals. Family and home matters can come to a head around the 14th--possibly leading you to consider a relocation if you're feeling too restricted.
On the 20th, Jupiter Retrograde meets up with the Sun in Cancer, making this a good time to dive deeper into your creative process through some extensive research and study.
Remember that practice makes perfect (or at least close enough to it). When Mercury goes direct on the 22nd, your vision becomes all the more clear now that you're no longer bogged down by past disappointments and heartaches. The Full Moon in Capricorn on the 24th supports you in resolving any discord with your siblings or other close relations. When Neptune goes Retrograde, be prepared to revisit your childhood and past dating experiences with a more grounded perspective. The month wraps up with Venus entering Leo, making you a magnet for opportunity and recognition.
Sagittarius
Sagittarius
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June starts off on a quiet note with Venus entering Cancer inviting you to enjoy some privacy with the people you're closest to. In matters of love, things are getting deeper between you and bae. The New Moon Solar Eclipse on the 10th supports you in wrapping up a karmic cycle in your relationships. The old way no longer works for you and you're ready to experience the kind of connections you really want. When Mars enters Leo, you're ready to get another stamp in your passport, making this a good time to plan a summer getaway.
You may be feeling at war within yourself around the 14th due to a growing need for more spontaneity and less structure.
On the 20th, Jupiter Retrograde begins encouraging you to connect with the wisdom of your ancestors. On the same day, the Sun enters Cancer, which has you feeling more lowkey than usual. When Mercury goes direct on the 22nd, you're more clear about where you stand within some of your most important relationships. Signing new contracts is now supported as well. The Full Moon in Capricorn on the 24th helps you resolve a financial blockage. On the 25th, Neptune goes Retrograde, helping you see through the disillusionment of your family. Some hard truths may have to be accepted during this transit. The month comes to a close with Venus in Leo, elevating your social platform.
Capricorn
Capricorn
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The month begins with your relationships taking up much of your attention while Venus transits through Cancer. The New Moon Solar Eclipse on the 10th empowers you to kick a bad habit. Remember--it's mind over matter. On the 11th, Mars enters Leo, encouraging you to be mindful of your temper. Random outbursts are likely if you're not actively engaging in shadow work. Around the 14th, the Saturn-Uranus square has you feeling torn between indulging in pleasure and pursuing the bag.
On the 20th, Jupiter Retrograde and the Sun in Cancer meet up marking a pivotal time of transforming your relationships by improving your communication skills (which includes being a good listener as well).
On the 22nd, Mercury goes direct which could clear up any confusion and miscommunication regarding your health. This is also a good time to implement your new work strategy and daily routine into effect. The Full Moon on the 24th places the spotlight on you so make the most of the energy. When Neptune goes Retrograde on the 25th, you're getting to the truth within yourself and about the world around you. The month wraps up with Venus entering Leo which could have you attracting some extra support from a financial institution or a benefactor.
Aquarius
Aquarius
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June kicks off with you nurturing your physical vessel when Venus enters Cancer. The New Moon Solar Eclipse on the 11th supports you in healing your inner child. When Mars enters Leo, your relationships get most of your energy. Just be mindful of being too bossy with your loved ones. On the 14th, the Saturn-Uranus square brings some family tension to the surface especially if you're feeling restricted in some way. On the 20th, Jupiter goes Retrograde, encouraging you to revisit your budget and spending habits over the past couple of months. The Sun enters Cancer on the same day, motivating you to tend to your physical health.
On the 22nd, Mercury goes direct, helping you get clear about matters of romance. This is also a good time to move forward with pursuing a new hobby or creative project.
The Full Moon on the 24th helps you break the shackles of disempowerment. You are strong, wise, and incredibly capable of accomplishing whatever you put your mind to. When Neptune goes Retrograde on the 25th, it's time to reel in any excessive spending habits. The month comes to a close with Venus in Leo, helping you attract some generous clients, business partners, and opportunities.
Pisces
PiscesLaci Jordan for xoNecoleJune begins with Venus entering Cancer inviting you to indulge in pleasure, creativity, and romance. The New Moon Solar Eclipse on the 10th is transforming the limiting beliefs that you inherited from your family which is a vital part of generational and ancestral healing. When Mars enters Leo, you're motivated to get your body into shape. On the 14th, the Saturn-Uranus square has you pulled between wanting some private time and needing to tend to your daily affairs. When Jupiter begins its Retrograde on the 20th you'll have plenty of time to enjoy your solitude and some soul-searching. On the same day, the Sun enters Cancer inviting you to explore a hobby or do something creative.
Self-expression is key throughout this transit.
On the 22nd, Mercury goes direct, making it a good time to move forward with any property investment, relocation or renovation plans. The Full Moon on the 24th has your social media presence poppin', making this a good time to launch that new product, website, etc. During Neptune Retrograde, you'll be getting more clear about yourself and how you may have been slightly disillusioned about something (or someone) in your life. The month wraps up with Venus in Leo, motivating you to streamline your efforts in work.
Featured image by Laci Jordan for xoNecole
- Your June 2021 Monthly Horoscope Is Here | InStyle ›
- Cancer Horoscope June 2021 — Love and Career Predictions | Allure ›
- June 2021 Horoscopes: Life During Mercury Retrograde | StyleCaster ›
- JUNE 2021 ASTROLOGY HOROSCOPE FOR YOUR ZODIAC SIGN ... ›
- June 2021 Horoscopes — Love and Career Predictions | Allure ›
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A big part of the clarity that is coming through this month is due to Neptune going direct in Pisces on December 10, after being retrograde here since July. With Neptune now direct, we are able to see our inspiration and creativity a little more clearly, providing the perfect energy for dreams and manifestation to be built upon. The smoke is clearing, and it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with this newfound clarity that this transit is bringing. Mercury also moves back into Sagittarius on December 11, which is great for communication and clarity, and the adventures you were trying to see through at the beginning of November come around for you again with greater purpose and support.
On December 15, Mars enters Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and this is the extra push we need to make important changes and to be on the path towards greater abundance, stability, and prosperity. Mars in Capricorn takes care of business, and we have extra energy at our disposal during this time to do so. This transit is an ideal time to focus on your career or financial goals for next year and to start putting some of these plans into motion now. A few days later, we have the New Moon of the month, which will be in Sagittarius on December 19, and this is the perfect New Moon to manifest.
The energy is high, magic is in the air, and it’s all about moving forward with the new beginnings that are inspiring you and bringing you joy to think about right now.
Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21, and this earth sign energy is how we heal, gain closure, and build new foundations in our world. With Venus also moving into a Capricorn a few days later, there is something about peace, prosperity, and security that we are gaining in life and in love as we close out the year, and this is what we need right now. This month is about reflecting on what was, letting go of old hurt, and renewing. December is an ending and a new beginning in one, and there is magic in this space to be created.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what December 2025 has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
December is a full-circle moment for you, Aries. You are seeing the gifts in your world and have a lot of gratitude for the way things have come about for you as of late. There are culminations in your world that are providing you with more abundance, stability, and community, and you are exactly where you are meant to be this month. With the Sun in a fellow fire sign and in your 9th house of travel for most of the month, December is a good time to get out of your comfort zone, explore the world around you, and get your body moving.
Mars, your ruling planet, also makes a change and moves into Capricorn on December 15, which will fuel your inspiration and power in your career space. You are making a lot of professional progress as we close out the year; however, make sure to be more mindful of your competitive drive right now. The New Moon on December 19 is the perfect opportunity for you to create some new plans and goals when it comes to traveling, education, and where you want to gain some new inspiration in your world. Overall, this is a month of things coming together for you serendipitously.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
December is about trusting your intuition, Taurus. You have a lot on your mind this month, and it’s best to delegate, communicate, and allow yourself some relief by opening up to someone and not feeling like you have to hold everything in. As we begin the month, we have a Supermoon in Gemini happening in your house of income, and the plans and projects you have been building here come to fruition for you now. This is the time to gain clarity on your financial world and to take a look at what spending habits you want to let go of here as well.
With Venus in your 8th house of shared resources for most of the month, you are doing a cleanse on your commitments, partnerships, and business ventures. You are taking a look at what you want to dedicate yourself to in the future, and what commitments you may need to let go of now in order to be in the space you truly want to be, both financially and within some of your relationship dynamics. Before we end the month, we have a New Moon in this same area of your chart, and it’s time to look at the opportunities that are presenting themselves and to trust your internal guidance system to lead you forward.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
You are moving forward fearlessly this month, Gemini. December is your month of love, passion, and dignity, and you are owning the light that you shine. We begin the month with the last Supermoon of the year, happening in your sign, and you are stepping up to the plate. You are showing up, owning how much you have grown this year, and allowing yourself to heal while also acknowledging that you have done your best and you deserve to have fun in the midst of the changes you are creating.
Mercury, your ruling planet, is officially out of retrograde, and you can use this energy to the fullest potential now. With Mercury in your 7th house of love, it’s time to speak from the heart and to talk about the things that matter and that are inspiring you right now to your loved ones. You never know what kind of epiphanies you may have when you open up the conversation to others. Before the month ends, you have a New Moon in this same love area of your chart, and this New Moon is all about manifesting romance, commitment, and abundance in your world.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
December is an opening for more love, more joy, and more freedom in your life, Cancer. You have come to a place where you hold so much gratitude in your heart for where you are today and where your heart is shining, and things come together for you with more ease right now. With the Sun in your 6th house of health, work, and daily routines for most of the month, you are getting your ducks in a row while also putting more energy and effort into taking care of yourself, your priorities, and your well-being. This month surprises you in many ways, and it’s because you are showing up.
Mars and Venus both move into your house of love, relationships, marriage, and abundance this month, and you are making strides in your love life. You have both of these opposing forces on your side and are being recognized for the love you are while also receiving the love you want. This month, overall, is about focusing more on the positives in your world and letting your heart have its joy. Before December comes to an end, there is a New Moon in Sagittarius, and this is the perfect opportunity to create the plans you want to see through next year, especially when it comes to your work life, colleagues, business ventures, and health.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
The scales of karma are balancing, and they are balancing in your favor this month, Leo. December is your month of truth, and of seeing it clearly in your world. The Sun is in your house of romance, pleasure, and happiness for most of the month, and it’s time to relax, be in the present moment, and allow what is meant to be, to be. With a Supermoon in your 11th house of manifestation as December begins, this is a powerful month for seeing your dreams come to fruition, and for feeling like the intentions you have set this year are finally here for you now.
Mars also moves into your 6th house mid-month, and this is the perfect energy to have to move into the new year. You have extra energy at your disposal right now and are feeling fearless with what is possible for you and your daily routine. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in a fellow fire sign, Sagittarius, and this is a breakthrough moment for you and your heart. December, overall, wants to show you how loved and supported you are and will be doing so in magical, unexpected, and concrete ways.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
December is a month of victory, Virgo. You are showing up and experiencing some new successes in your world that move you forward on your path in life. With a Supermoon in your 10th house of career as we begin the month, the effort and intentions you have made this year come into full bloom, and you are being recognized for who you are and the good work you have done. This month is all about showing up and allowing yourself to be seen and loved, knowing that you deserve the support and opportunities you are receiving.
Mars moves into Capricorn on December 15, which brings the passion and excitement into your love life, hobbies, and little pleasures in life that light you up. You want to have fun this month and are going to be walking into the new year with this fearless, happy, and spontaneous energy within you. Before the month ends, Venus also enters Capricorn, and in this same area of your chart, you have a lot to look forward to and believe in right now. Overall, December wants you to be happy and will be doing everything possible to make that happen for you. This is your month to shine, Virgo.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
December is a month of opportunity for you, Libra. New doors open, and you are financially making breakthroughs this month because of it. December begins with a Supermoon in your 9th house, and you are getting a clearer view of where you have been making strides in your life and how it has all brought you here to this present moment of freedom. This month is showing you what happens when you are fearless with your purpose and when you believe in yourself and what you are worthy of.
Moving further into December, Mars moves into your 4th house of home and family mid-month, and you are closing out the year in your safe spaces. You are spending more time with your loved ones and taking the time to quiet your mind and listen to what your heart has been telling you. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, happening in an area of your life that deals with communication. This is a great time for getting the answers you have been looking for and for feeling more clear-headed and confident about the decisions you are making as you move into the new year.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
Patience is a virtue this month, Scorpio. December is all about remaining patient and vigilant with what you are creating in your world, and knowing that the universe has your back. It’s time to be reminded of the power of hope, and this month is an opening to greater clarity in your life. There is a lot of energy in your financial zones right now, and this is providing you with new opportunities and new insight; however, the speed at which things come about for you may feel daunting. Keep your head up and eyes focused on what you want and know that you are more than worthy of receiving it.
With Mercury in your 2nd house of income this month, December is a good time to plant new seeds and to think about where you want to be financially a month from now or even a year. This month is asking you to think bigger and to think more long-term so that you can set the appropriate plans into motion now. We also have a New Moon in your house of income before the month ends, and this is when you will see more of your dreams come to fruition in this area of your life, and have more opportunities to build. Overall, December will be teaching you a lot, Scorpio.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
Sagittarius Season is here, and there is a lot in store for you this month, Sag. December is all about what you are dedicating yourself to. It’s about setting your intentions and putting the work in to back up your dreams, and about getting things in order so that when the new beginnings come, you are ready for them. The Sun and Venus are in your sign for most of this month, and there are a lot of eyes on you right now. You have the potential to create a new beginning for yourself, and it’s time to invest in yourself, your love life, and your dreams.
Mercury moves into Sagittarius on December 11, and this is giving you another opportunity to see through some of the plans that you had initiated in November. Mercury was retrograde in your sign last month, and there may have been some disruptions to your vision and plans for the future, and now this energy is turning around for you. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in Sagittarius, and you are walking through new doors fearlessly. You are catching others by surprise by your growth this month, and you are thinking a lot about your purpose, future, and plans for the new year.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
December is all about the vision, Capricorn. You are moving through a lot of changes and transformations this month, yet they are giving you a chance at a new beginning in the process. You are focused more on the future and what goals you want to manifest for yourself right now, and are ready to let go of what hasn’t been working for you. With the Sun in your 12th house of closure for most of December, this is your time for healing, but remember, healing doesn’t have to be isolating or boring; you can thrive while you renew, and you are this month.
Mid-month, the excitement picks up for you, and you are feeling more energized than you have in a while. Mars moves into Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and you are being proactive with your goals, intentions, and passions. You are a force to be reckoned with this month, and you are making things happen for yourself with confidence. Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21 this year, and this is definitely speeding up your healing process. You are breaking free from what was, and with Venus also moving into Capricorn before the month ends, you are leaving this year in high spirits and with love opening a new door for you.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
December is all about community, creativity, and manifestation, Aquarius. This is the month to work together with others to help bring your dreams to life. You are in a space of inspiration, empowerment, and beauty, and are creating more of this energy around you and in your world. Look out for what support comes your way this month and know that you don’t have to do everything alone to succeed. With the Sun in your 11th house of manifestation and friendship, your intentions are coming to fruition, and it’s time to celebrate with the people you love and to own how far you have come this year.
On December 19, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, lighting up your life in all of the best ways possible. This is your New Moon of freedom, victory, and magic, and you are seeing new beginnings appear that you were once just hoping for. Before the month comes to an end, Venus moves into your 12th house of closure, and after an active and successful month, you are ready to relax, heal, and give your heart some of the attention it has been asking for. You are moving into the new year with the need to release and renew what hasn’t been working in your relationships, and you are finally ready to.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
December is a big month for you, Pisces. You are making some huge accomplishments this month, and are feeling like everything you have been through this year has been worth it for these moments that are coming to fruition for you now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career and reputation for most of the month, and this is where a lot of your focus is right now. You are claiming your successes and putting yourself out there in ways that not only serve you, but that inspire others as well.
Neptune officially goes direct on December 10, after being retrograde in your sign since July, and you are finally seeing things a little more clearly. You are feeling renewed inspiration and passion in your life, and your intuition is your strongest asset right now. Before December comes to an end, we also have a New Moon in your 10th house of career, and what happens now not only changes things for you in the present, but it also opens new doors and what is possible for you in the new year as well. Overall, you are on top of your game this month and are owning the joy and empowerment you feel.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Oh, but there are plenty of people whose egos have them thinking that they can read someone else’s mind. Then there are others who have fantasies, which create unrealistic expectations that others in their lives actually should read their mind. And you know what — both of these things can cause unnecessary stress, drama, and trauma, if folks aren’t careful.
And that’s why I think it’s important that we unpack this a bit more. Because if you’re someone who thinks that if another person truly cares for you, they should be able to read your mind, it’s time to let that ridiculous yet semi-popular notion absolutely and completely go.
Here’s why.
It’s Scientifically Impossible for Someone to Read Your Mind
There are a couple of reasons why I am starting this off with R&B singer Avant. For one thing, I don’t think that he gets nearly enough flowers and secondly, clearly, this is a more-than-fitting song for today’s topic, wouldn’t you say? Because, lawd, there really is something that makes some of us feel all warm ‘n fuzzy about the mere thought of a man telling us that he is so in tuned with us that he can basically read our mind.
Hmph. Problem with that is, as I said in the intro, it is scientifically impossible (for us and for AI to do, praise the Lord!). And yet the fact that so many individuals think that they defy scientific data and research is oftentimes why there are so many breakdowns in communication — because if you run on assumption (that you can read someone’s mind) without clarification and confirmation, you can create issues that didn’t exist before you decided to fall for your own mind-reading theories.
Now to be fair, while science is still trying to figure out why we can’t read minds, what is sure is that we do have the capability to perceive the thoughts and actions of others if we’re willing to pay really close attention. However, do keep in mind that reading and perceiving are different. Reading? It’s about being able "to apprehend or interpret the meaning of" and "to anticipate, expect, or calculate by observation." Perceiving? It’s all about “to become aware of, know, or identify by means of the senses” and “to recognize, discern, envision, or understand.”
And already, do you see the differences? So much certainty comes with reading while perceiving is about humbling oneself (bookmark that) to not try to know everything but instead to try and understand what is transpiring. And since no one person (or their mind) is ever truly static, that is a huge part of the reason why believing that you can read someone’s mind — no matter how close you may be to them — is futile. You can change your mind on a dime. Others can do the same. Learning to perceive what is going on instead of assuming that you can “read” folks is far more beneficial.
Besides, you might be surprised by a particular demo who thinks that if you are truly who they need you to be, you will read their minds — and boy, once you know who they are, that may cure you of the whole “read your mind” ish…quick, fast and in a hurry.
The Expectation Is Oftentimes Rooted in Egomania
GiphyWhile doing a bit of research on this topic, I thought it was interesting that a particular type of person kept coming up. Can you guess which one? A NARCISSIST. What I kept noticing is a telling sign of a narcissistic individual is they expect others to read their mind.
I must admit that I was caught off guard by that at first because narcissists and their damn egos are so out of control (bookmark that) that it would seem like they would be more focused on acting like they know the thoughts of other people. Here’s the thing, though — the reason why narcissists want others to read their mind is because they want you to do things like guess what they want and need before they ask — and they want that to happen because they believe that they are so damn special that you should put in the extra blood, sweat and tears to figure it all out. Hmph. Now that tracks.
Another reason why narcissists want you to be able to read their mind is so they can manipulate and deflect. Meaning, if you say and do things based on what you thought they wanted you to, should everything crash and burn, they can dodge accountability and blame you for it. Hmm, does reading someone’s mind seem romantic and beautiful now? SMDH.
And again, all of this is tied to ego because, at the end of the day, mind-reading is a form of control and narcissists are definitely very controlling people. And honestly, mind-reading is as well because why do you even want to know someone’s private thoughts before they share them and, at the same time, why would you want someone to have that kind of power in your life either? “Eww” is what immediately comes to my mind. “Yuck” is what follows.
So, why is it that so many people think that it’s a good thing to have someone read their mind — I mean, the ones who don’t show narcissistic tendencies, that is? Good question.
5 Reasons Why Some People Wish Someone Would/Could Read Their Mind
GiphyOkay, so ego and pridefulness aside, what would be some other reasons why people think that it’s such a wonderful thing if someone who they are in some sort of intimate relationship with can read their mind.
1. They are caught up in Disney and rom-coms. One day, I am going to do an article on all of the ways that Disney and rom-coms have destroyed the reality of relationships. For now, I’ll just say that the scripted tales of both have caused a lot of people to think that if someone loves them, they should be able to read their mind. Nooo…if someone loves you, they should care to know what is on your mind. And that brings me to the second point.
2. They aren’t as good at communicating as they think. Are you a good communicator? One way to know if you are is you’re able to clearly articulate your wants and needs — because really, if you are able to do that, why should anyone even need to read your mind? Feel me? Let’s move on.
3. They want someone else to work harder at their relationships than they do. I say it in my sessions often — it’s beyond crazy to think that someone should work harder at figuring out what your wants, needs and expectations are than you are willing to express them. Hmph. It makes me think of a friend of mine who says that “should” is a dangerous word. What she means by that is saying that someone should do or not do something simply because YOU THINK that’s how it “should” go is a surefire way to stay disappointed and even be disillusioned. No, your man shouldn’t just know what you want every year for your birthday. Did you state it? If not, why aren’t you playing fair? Who has time for all of the guessing games and then getting penalized if they guess wrong? Stop it.
4. They think it’s the sign of a healthy relationship (it isn’t). Anyone who knows me knows that I am always and forever going to be Team Healthy over Team Happy and my reason why never changes. Only children expect to live in a world where they are happy all of the time — and yes, there are a lot of childish people out here. People who want their mind read? They tend to live in happy land. Meanwhile, a healthy relationship knows that clear communication, mutual respect, keen listening, patience and understanding that humans make mistakes are foundational to its success.
5. They are lazy. And yes y’all, some people want others to read their mind because they are lazy and it really is just as simple as that. Thing is, while they are being passive aggressive, dropping hints or giving the silent treatment so that you can figure out whatever it is that they…want you to figure out, that tends to take more effort than simply speaking up. Ridiculous, chile.
How to Let the Myth Go
GiphyGee, after reading all of this, suddenly reading minds just seems like a lot of silliness with a sprinkle of drama and potential trauma, doesn’t it? And it’s all because some people choose to treat something that is a myth like it’s a bona fide fact. SMDH.
And what if you happen to be one of those individuals? How do you break free? COMMUNICATE. Openly, clearly and maturely share what’s on your mind and heart because, the true tell of a solid relationship isn’t that someone can read your mind; it’s that they can retain what you’ve already stated.
Less reading. More perceiving. That’s the secret sauce.
And when you accept this for what it is, you will realize that it’s far better for you, your partner and your relationship to stop expecting the impossible and to accept what is actual: that learning your partner, as they strive to do the same thing with you, is better than you both assuming that you know what…maybe you do, maybe you don’t.
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Author Frank Sonnenberg once said, “People can’t hear what you don’t say. Thinking isn’t communicating” — and I think this is a perfect place to bring all of this to a close.
Find the kind of relationship(s) where intention is so strong that mind-reading isn’t even desired.
At the end of the day, it really is as simple as that.
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