As the saying goes, "The truth shall set you free" and the Full Moon Lunar eclipse in the beginning of the month serves to do just that. Our favorite planet, Mercury, joins the retrograde party mid-month, pulling us into the tide of emotions that we're learning how to navigate better with the help of the New Moon Solar eclipse on the 21st. Once Neptune goes retrograde, we'll be seeing things a little differently as the rose-colored glasses come off. By the end of the month, Mars gives you the drive to turn your fantasies into reality.
Check out more below to see what's going on in the cosmos this month for your sign!
Aries
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleThe beginning of the month kicks off with a Full Moon Lunar eclipse, giving you the oomph you need to push past limiting beliefs that you learned from more "knowledgeable" people in your life. Wisdom comes from personal experience and it's time for you to seek answers from your own inner guru. When Mercury goes retrograde on the 18th, discussions about renovations, relocating, or family planning will be prominent in the weeks to come. The New Moon Solar eclipse on the 21st signifies a big overhaul of unresolved emotions, and intergenerational trauma, related to family members—specifically the mother figure in your life.
On the 23rd, Neptune goes retrograde, helping you receive clarity on life's mysteries through your dream time and meditation. When Venus goes direct on the 25th, you'll be getting clearer about where you and bae are headed. Near the end of the month, your ruling planet finally moves into your sign, gifting you with a much-needed boost of energy to accomplish the million and one goals you've set for yourself. It's time to roll up your sleeves and get to work! On the 30th, an aspect between Jupiter/Pluto awakens you to deeper levels of your personal power. Just be mindful of going head-to-head with authority figures and even people that look up to you. With greater power comes greater responsibility.
Taurus
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The month begins with the Full Moon Lunar eclipse gifting you some much-needed perspective about a significant experience that impacted you negatively. You might have walked through the fire but you've come out on the other side unscathed—a phoenix rising from the ashes in all its majesty. On the 18th, Mercury goes retrograde, inviting you to take a softer approach when it comes to communicating your needs. Remember, babe, you'll catch more flies with honey. Oftentimes, the way we communicate with others is merely a reflection of our own inner dialogue and this New Moon Solar eclipse can help you move past some critical, harsh self-talk to opt for more compassion instead.
On the 23rd, Neptune goes retrograde, offering a different perspective about your friends and how you fit into the bunch. If you've had someone up on a pedestal, this transit may be a bit of a reality check when it comes to their true intentions towards you. Your ruling planet, Venus, goes direct on the 25th and you'll be feeling a lot more confident about your investments and money-making endeavors moving forward, especially if you spent the retrograde brushing up on your knowledge and expertise. On the 27th, Mars enters Aries and you may find it more difficult to express your anger during this time. Dig deeper into your frustrations and maybe you'll find that your anger is really just a feeling of powerlessness, unprocessed grief, or even boredom.
Gemini
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleJune kicks off with a bang, thanks to the Full Moon Lunar eclipse in your opposite sign, Sag, bringing your focus to relationships. You're closing out a big cycle when it comes to a specific partnership or just your relationship patterns as a whole. Just remember that with an ending awaits a new beginning on the other side. On the 18th, Mercury goes retrograde, giving you a chance to tune into more emotionally fulfilling ways of making money. On the 21st, the New Moon Lunar eclipse transforms your self-esteem by granting you the gift of perspective. As the saying goes, "One man's trash is another man's treasure." Let the past roll off your back and remember who the f*ck you are!
On the 23rd, Neptune retrograde attempts to clear the fog when it comes to your public image and career. Any deceptive energy within your professional life will be exposed during this transit. Stay on the up and up by prioritizing authenticity and try not to take it personally if someone you're working with hasn't been as real as you initially thought. Venus finally goes direct on the 25th, giving you some forward momentum when it comes to money and love. When Mars moves into Aries on the 27th, you're focused on the collective. You could even find yourself leading a group or inspiring others to be the change they want to see in the world.
Cancer
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleThe beginning of the month gives you a much-needed kick in the ass to break through some bad habits that are keeping you from living your best (and healthiest) life. The Full Moon Lunar eclipse not only requires you to adjust your approach to your wellness but also your schedule as well. Your mantra? "I am flexible and open to change." On the 18th, Mercury begins its retrograde through your sign which could bring some missed opportunities back around (and maybe a pesky ex as well). After a year of eclipses in your sign, you're finally experiencing the last one for some years to come on the 21st. Are you ready to ascend to higher levels? Either get with the program or get dragged 'cause change is here, baby.
On the 23rd, Neptune joins the retrograde party, debunking any idealizations you've made of someone in a position of spiritual authority. Get in touch with your own spiritual truth before blindly following another. The planet of love finally goes direct on the 25th, gifting you the clarity you need about past lovers and relationship patterns that you've outgrown—particularly when it comes to communicating your needs. Make things about you for once, please. On the 27th, Mars enters Aries, getting you geared up when it comes to your career and public image. How can you take more control of your success? Dig in those heels and get to work.
Leo
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleYour sister sign is getting you together with a Full Moon Lunar eclipse on the 5th. Creativity and romance take front and center stage—marking a time of endings or beginnings. These eclipses are wild cards so hang loose, baby, and TRUST that whatever happens is realigning you with your destiny. On the 18th, Mercury goes retrograde, giving you a chance to make peace with some sh*t that just ain't cuttin' it for you anymore. Don't be surprised if your ex pops up, in real time or in your dreams, wanting to give it another go. Recognize the lesson and set them (and you) free. On the 21st, the New Moon Solar eclipse brings through the final sweep of what you cannot take into your new year with you. You've got big things to accomplish and you can't do it with all of that baggage weighing you down.
On the 23rd, Neptune goes retrograde, inviting you to uncover the secrets within yourself (or someone you thought you knew). It's "Mask Off" season and now is the time to separate the real from the fake. On the 25th, Venus goes direct, helping to smooth out communication amongst your social circle. You're finally feeling like more of your bubbly self, ready to rub elbows with the movers and shakers of your community. The energy is in high drive towards the end of the month when Mars moves into Aries. The travel bug has got you ready to forget about the Rona to embark on that tropical getaway. If you're a writer or teacher, you should have no problem cranking out content during this transit. Use it to your advantage!
Virgo
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleHome and family matters are top priority at the beginning of the month, thanks to the Full Moon Lunar eclipse. It's time to revamp your space or find a new one that's a better fit for your growing needs (or family). On the 18th, Mercury goes retro, giving you a chance to catch up with old friends and some old dreams as well. Yes, Virgo, daydreaming is productive as well. It's called creative visualization and it's your best friend this month. Around the middle of the month, the New Moon Solar eclipse helps you wipe the slate clean and reimagine what your ideal tribe looks (and feels) like. Although you may be saying goodbye to an old friend, trust that you're just creating space for a new connection that's more of your vibe.
On the 23rd, Neptune joins the retrograde mash up, helping you sift through the fog of any personal relationships. It's time to see someone for what they really are—a human—so stop projecting your perfectionism onto them and getting upset when they don't meet your expectation. Look, we don't all share a Sun sign with THEE Beyoncé, so everybody can't be perfect all of the time. Compassion, Virgo. Also, realism. On the 25th, Venus finally goes direct, helping you attract opportunities that will land you in a position of power and influence. Things are getting hot and sexy for you when Mars, a.k.a. your libido, enters Aries, encouraging you to sex it out, sweat it out, or work it out.
Libra
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleThe month begins with a Full Moon Lunar eclipse is bringing the change when it comes to the way you communicate with yourself and others. This is a good time to promote yourself, your truth, and that book you've been working on behind the scenes. On the 18th, Mercury goes retrograde where the conversation is focused on work and tying up loose ends on a project you've been neglecting. The New Moon Solar eclipse on the 23rd could result in some unexpected career recognition or a change in your life path that's in alignment with your evolving needs.
On the 23rd, Neptune goes retrograde and the rose-colored glasses come off. This transit can be revealing when it comes to hidden enemies—particularly those in the work environment. This is also a supportive time to kick any bad habits like smoking, drinking, or obsessing over guys that just aren't good for you. On the 25th, Venus goes direct and your wanderlust has got you ready to brave the Rona to take that girls' trip you've been planning since last year. Things are heating up for you towards the end of the month when Mars enters your relationship house. You know what you want and you're not afraid to take charge. That whole diplomatic "door-mat" approach just won't cut it for you during this transit. It's OK to have it your way for once.
Scorpio
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleJune kicks off with the Full Moon Lunar eclipse inviting you to make some financial changes. Important conversations may arise about the shared resources. Try to find a happy middle ground but don't be surprised if the Universe dissolves a financial partnership that isn't serving either party involved. Remember the eclipse season mantra—"Out with the old, in with the new". On the 18th, Mercury goes retrograde, encouraging you to revisit an old project you've been working on especially in the realm of writing and educational content. The New Moon Solar eclipse on the 21st comes through to help you wipe out limiting beliefs that make you hide your gifts from the world. A sudden opportunity to present your work on a larger platform can present itself.
On the 23rd, Neptune joins the retrograde party, helping you see your romantic prospect(s) more clearly. Is it true love or is it just a fling? You'll receive the clarity you need in the months to come. Emotions will be at a high during this time so channel that energy into creating something. On the 25th, Venus goes direct, possibly landing you a settlement or some money owed to you. If your intimate connections have been challenged over the past couple of months, things should start smoothing out moving forward. Fiery Mars enters Aries on the 27th, turning you into a gym rat for the rest of the year (and a drill sergeant when it comes to your schedule and diet). You need to feel your best to maintain the energy needed to build your empire!
Sagittarius
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleIt's all about you in the beginning of the month with the Full Moon Lunar eclipse in your sign. As you begin to prioritize your needs more, this may cause a little friction between you and others. Focusing on yourself isn't synonymous with harming someone else. On the 18th, Mercury goes retro and the conversation runs deep between you and the special people in your life as the intimacy levels grow stronger. If you're dealing with some emotional hang ups, this is a perfect time to schedule an appointment with a therapist. The New Moon Solar eclipse in this same part of your chart serves as the gateway to your healing and redemption.
On the 23rd, Neptune goes retrograde, helping you see clearly into your family dynamics. Did you grow up under the illusion that nurturing and tenderness is for weaklings? Well, maybe now it's time for you to stop resisting exactly what you've always needed to blossom into the best version of yourself. On the 25th, Venus finally goes direct, clearing up communication issues between you and bae while also helping you secure that contract that you've been negotiating. At the end of the month, Mars enters Aries, where it'll be for the rest of the year. Your desire for creative expression, romance, and adventure is heightened during this transit. It's time to unwind and have some fun, Saggie!
Capricorn
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleThe month kicks off with you burning bridges to your past, thanks to the Full Moon Lunar eclipse. Surrender or be dragged, sis. You can kick and scream all you want but when the Universe is ready to help you level up by any means necessary. On the 18th, Mercury goes retrograde, giving you the chance to renegotiate contracts and redefine your boundaries within relationships. Where have you been giving too much to others and not enough to yourself (or vice versa)? The New Moon Solar eclipse on the 21st makes it clear as to who's good for you and who's not. Changes in your relationships, professional included, are bound to occur.
On the 23rd, Neptune goes retrograde, granting you the gift of clarity through some insightful conversations you'll be having in the months to come. Don't be surprised if you uncover some hidden information about your sibling getting hitched during the Rona pandemic. Once Venus goes direct on the 25th, you're focused on your health and well-being, making this a good time to learn about a new fitness regimen or detox program. Towards the end of the month, fiesty Mars enters Aries, putting your home renovation or relocation plans in overdrive. On the 30th, Jupiter and Pluto join forces to help you integrate some much-needed gems of wisdom that can propel you forward in a more empowered way.
Aquarius
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleYour social circle needs a bit of a revamp and the Full Moon Lunar eclipse is here to help with that. Whether you're kicking dusty "friends" to the curb or simply exploring new options, it's important that you align with folks that are intent on loving you in all of your truth—the good, the bad, and the ugly. On the 18th, Mercury goes retrograde, encouraging you to nurture your mental and physical health. Drink plenty of water and opt for more gentle forms of exercise, like a stroll through your neighborhood or yoga in the park. The New Moon Solar eclipse comes through on the 21st, helping you overcome that sweet tooth or your overindulgence in wine.
Towards the end of the month, Neptune goes retrograde, bringing you back down to earth when it comes to your spending habits. It's great that you trust the Universe to provide for all of your needs but don't be out here spending recklessly. On the 25th, Venus goes direct and you're ready for some summertime fun (and romance). Get creative and see what adventures you and bae can get into in the midst of the Rona. On the 27th, Mars enters Aries, gifting you with the courage to talk yo sh*t. You're feeling more bold and confident when it comes to expressing yourself and all of your unconventional beliefs. Gon' head and shake the table, babe! Your conviction has the potential to inspire the masses (or at least your social media following).
Pisces
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleThe beginning of the month brings changes to your career trajectory and public image. A sudden opportunity can open a new door for you, or you could finally be getting the recognition you deserve. On the 18th, Mercury goes retrograde, making it the perfect time to revisit that old creative hobby or project you've been neglecting. The New Moon Solar eclipse will definitely have you in your feels. You'll need a healthy outlet for channeling all of those emotions into sappy love songs or heartfelt breakup anthems. Rekindling romance may also be on your mind (or an ex of yours who's waiting for the right moment to pounce).
On the 23rd, Neptune goes retrograde, helping you get clear on your boundaries as well as your personal identity. You have a tendency to enmesh with everyone and everything around you. This transit will help you separate what is yours and what is everyone else's. As empathic as you are, it's important that you allow other people to manage their own problems. You've got other things to concern yourself with, like planning your Zoom housewarming party or doing your Googles for that new home entertainment system you want. On the 27th, Mars enters Aries, giving you a much-needed kick in the ass to get your money right. It's time to bring all of those great ideas of yours into reality and you'll have plenty of energy to do just that.
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Featured image by Laci Jordan/xoNecole
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RELATED
Let me start this off by saying that of course, to a certain extent, the answer is subjective because it’s mostly opinion-rather-than-fact driven. However, I personally think that sex is hella impactful, which is why I hope that my personal breakdown will at least cause you to want to think about what you do, who you do it with, and why, more than you may have in the past.
Because although, at the end of the day, the physical aspects of making love, having sex, and f-cking are very similar, you’d be amazed by how drastically different they are in other ways…at the very same time.
Making Love
GiphyBack when I wrote my first book, I wasn’t even 30 at the time and still, one of the things that I said in it is, I pretty much can’t stand the term “make love.” Way back then, I stated that sex between two people who truly love each other and are committed for the long haul, when it comes to what they do in the bedroom, it’s so much more about CELEBRATING love than MAKING it. To make means “to produce” or “to bring into existence;” to celebrate means “to commemorate,” “to perform” or “to have or participate in a party, drinking spree, or uninhibited good time.”
The act of sex, standing alone? It can’t make love happen and honestly, believing otherwise is how a lot of people find themselves getting…got.
What do I mean? Tell me how in the world, you meet a guy, talk to him for a few weeks, don’t even know his middle name or where he was born and yet somehow, you choose to call the first time you have sex with him (under those conditions) “making love.” You don’t love him. You don’t know him well enough to love him. He doesn’t love you either (for the same reason). And yet you’re making love? How sway? Oh, but let that sex be bomb and those oxytocin highs might have you tempted to think that’s what’s happening — and that is emotionally dangerous. And yes, I mean, literally.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times before, that one of the reasons why I like that the Bible defines sex between a husband and his wife is by using the word “know” (Genesis 4:1) is because, well, I think that is what celebrating love is all about — we know each other well enough to know that we love each other, we know each other well enough to know that we aren’t going anywhere, and that knowing is what makes us want to celebrate that union by getting as close to one another and bringing as much physical pleasure to each other as we possibly can…as often as absolutely possible.
To me, that is what the peak of physical intimacy is all about — and the people who choose to use the term “make love,” it should be seen through this type of lens. When this type of mental and emotional bond comes together via each other’s bodies, they are amplifying love, enjoying love, embracing love.
Making it, though? Chile, the love has already been made. Sex is just the icing on the cake.
Having Sex
GiphyA few nights ago, I found myself rewatching this movie called Four of Hearts (which you can currently view on yep, you guessed it: Tubi). It’s about two married couples — one that is in an open marriage and another that isn’t although they somehow thought that sharing a night with the other couple would be a good idea (chile). Anyway, as one of the partners found themselves getting low-key sprung, the one they fell for said in one of the scenes, “It wasn’t a connection. It was just sex.” JUST. SEX.
Listen, when you decide to let a man put an entire part of his body inside of you at the risk of potentially getting an STI/STD or pregnant (because no form of birth control is 100 percent except for abstinence), it can never be “just sex” (somebody really needed to hear that too). At the same time, though, I got the character’s point because, if one or both people do not love each other or even deeply care for one another and/or sex is treated as an activity more than an act to establish a worthwhile connection and/or you and the person you are sleeping with have not really discussed what you are expecting from sex besides the act itself — you’re definitely not making/celebrating love.
Not by a long shot. What can make things get a bit complicated, though, is you’re doing the same act that “love makers” do without the same mental and emotional ties…or (sometimes) expectations.
You know, back when I decided to put all of my business out there via the piece “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners,” now more than ever, I am quite clear that most of those guys fell into the “having sex” category. I wasn’t in the type of relationship with them where “making love” even made sense; however, because I was friends with most of them, we weren’t exactly f-cking (which I will get to in just a moment) either. We had a connection of some sort for the bedroom yet not enough to be together in the other rooms of the house.
We were really attracted and curious, so we decided to act on that. Oftentimes, the sex was good and so we rationalized that “having sex” was enough because if the friendship was, eh, “sound enough”, that we could justify the physical pleasure.
And y’all, that’s kind of what having sex is — it’s the limbo (or purgatory, depending on your situation) between making love and f-cking. The thing about limbo ish is it’s a lot like something being lukewarm: it’s not really one thing or another which means that it can completely blindside you, if you’re not careful (and totally honest with yourself as well as your partner(s)).
So, if you are contemplating having sex, I really — REALLY — recommend that you figure out how you feel, what you want (outside of the act itself) and if you are prepared for what “not quites” can bring. My mother used to say that the consequences of sex don’t change just because the circumstances do — and there is some solid “wow” to that, if you really stop to think about it.
GiphyAnd finally, f-ck. Although most experts on the word (and yes, there are some) agree that its origin is rooted somewhere within the German language (although some say that it might’ve come from Middle English words like fyke or fike which mean “to move about restlessly” or the Norwegian word fukka which means “to copulate”), you might have also heard that it is an acronym that once stood for “Fornication Under Consent of the King”; and there is actually some data that is connected to that as well.
Legend has it that way back in the day, in order to keep reproduction rates where a particular king wanted them to be, he would instruct his residents to have sex with each other — whether they were married or not (hence, the word “fornication” being in the acronym). However, because sex outside of marriage was taken far more seriously at the time, residents had to apply for a permit to participate so that the king could determine if things like their occupation and lineage would prove to be beneficial for the kingdom overall. F-ck: no love; just necessity. And although some believe this to be more myth than fact, what is certain is it was only over time that f-ck was seen as a profane/swear/cuss word — a word that was perceived to be so offensive, in fact, that between the years 1795-1965, it didn’t even appear in dictionaries.
Personally, when I think of this four-letter word, the first thing that actually comes to my mind is animals. Take a dog being in heat, for instance. That’s basically when a female dog is ovulating and wants to have sex the most. It’s not because they are “in love” with another dog; they are simply doing what instinctively comes to them — and since animals do not reason or feel at the same capacity that humans do, although they science says that many of them do experience pleasure when they engage in their version of sexual activity, it’s not nearly as layered or even profound as what we experience.
Let’s keep going. Another reason why f-cking makes me think of animals is due to the doggy style position. Hear me out. Ain’t it wild how, most of us pretty much know that the term comes from how dogs have sex, even though most animals have sex that same way — and think about it: Doggy style doesn’t consist of making eye contact or kissing while having intercourse. It’s “hitting from behind” without much emotional energy or effort at all. Just how animals do it. And so, yeah, f-cking does seem to be more about pure animal — or in our case, mammal — instinct. I don’t need to feel anything for someone, so long as the sexual desire is there. Hmph.
Something else that I find to be interesting about f-cking is how dictionaries choose to define it. Many of them are going to provide you with two definitions: “to have sexual intercourse with” and “to treat unfairly or harshly (usually followed by over)” and that definitely makes me think of another term — casual sex and words that define casual like apathetic, careless and without serious or definite intention. So, the dictionary says that while f-cking is about having sexual intercourse — just like making love and having sex is — it goes a step further and says that it can include being treated unfairly or harshly.
And although that can make you think of assault on the surface, for sure — sometimes being treated unfairly or harshly is simply feeling like someone had sex AT you and not really WITH you; instinct (i.e., getting off) and that’s about it. Yeah, the way this puzzle is coming together, f-cking seems to be more about lust and self and not much else.
Now That You Know the Difference, What to Keep in Mind
Y’all, this is definitely the kind of topic that I could expound on until each and every cow comes home. That said, here’s hoping that I provided enough perspective on each act to close this out by encouraging you to keep the following three things to keep in mind:
1. Before you engage in copulation, be honest with yourself about what you’re ACTUALLY doing — and that your partner agrees with you. You know, they say that our brain is our biggest sex organ and honestly, breaking down the differences between making love, having sex and f-cking helps to prove that fact. I say that because, although the sex act itself is pretty much the same across the board, you and your partner’s mindset can make the experience completely different. That said, if you think that you are making love and they think y’all are just having sex — stuff can get pretty dicey. Bottom line: communicate in the bedroom before attempting to connect outside of it. It’s always worth it when you do.
2. Yes, you can feel one way and do something else. I can just about guess what some of y’all are on: Shellie, we can love our partner and still just want to f-ck. If what you are saying is you can emotionally love someone and physically lust them and want to act sometimes on the lust without really factoring in the love — yes, I agree. Doggy style continues to be a favorite sex position for people, in general, and I’m more than confident that many of the participants polled are in a serious relationship. However, having lust-filled sex with someone who you know loves you is vastly different than doing it with someone who you have no clue what they think about you or you barely know at all. Y’all, please just make sure that you know…what you should know. Sex is too amazing to have a lot of regret after it.
3. Have realistic expectations about sex. Listen, so much of my life consists of writing and talking about sex that I will be the first one to say that it deserves a ton of props for what it is able to do, in a wonderful way, for people mentally, emotionally and physically. Yet again, I’m not a fan of “make love” because something that feels really good doesn’t always mean that it is good for you. Meaning, you’ve got to be real about what sex with someone will do to your mind and spirit — not just what it will do for your body. An author by the name of Gabriel García Márquez once said, “Sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love.” For no one, should this be a constant norm. Feel me? I hope you do.
____
One act. Three very different experiences.
It’s kind of wild that sex has the ability to create that — and yet, clearly, it does.
Please just make sure that you know which experience you’re signing up for.
So that you’re having sex (you know, in general) instead of sex having you. Real talk.
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