Have You Ever Had A Friendship Breakup?: 6 ‘Insecure’ Fans Sound Off

Molly and Issa went from heated confrontation to almost throwing hands.

Culture & Entertainment

This week was the block party we've been waiting all quarantine long for (FINALLY) and it did not disappoint. Insecure fans are still recovering the events of said block party, which makes any previous drama like Molly's relationship/work life balance dilemma with Andrew from the previous episode look like small potatoes.



There's been a lot of build-up this whole season that came down to an explosive argument between Issa and Molly at the end of the block party. The very public screaming match between the two besties went from heated confrontation to almost throwing hands to a someone yelling "gun" and breaking up the entire scene. I'm going to add that just before this all went down the pair looked like they were headed toward a reconciliation over "The Wobble". So, WTF?

Trying to make sense of what I just watched, and how one of television's best duos just called it quits, I discussed real-life buddy breakups with my friends. I've had a few friendship breakups over the years. Some dramatic, and some not so much. What I can say is that they've all been learning experiences. I'm a firm believer in this universal relationship truth: They're either a blessin' or a lesson. Ex friends were lessons that I learned things like what type of energy I want to surround myself with, how to forgive others for my own peace, and believe someone when they repeatedly show you who they are. I have a few blessings in my life in the form of best friends, too. At some point in my best friendships, we've had a falling out. Most of them are dumb when I explain them out loud now, or I can't even remember how they started, or the details are blurry between what actually happened and the embellishments I added in my head—as I suspect this Molly and Issa situation will play out years later.

But before you take the high road, you usually do a detour on the petty path and while the petty path is so not the right way, it's always the most entertaining. So, I reached out to Insecure fans to ask them:

Have you ever had a public, or otherwise, friend breakup? What happened? Did you come back from it?

We Didn’t Speak For A Year And Then He Apologized

"I had a very public breakup with my BFF on Facebook. He and I had been friends since '98. Can you imagine, 20 years? We had huge spat where we couldn't see eye to eye, but before that, we were throwing low blows and things were said that he couldn't take back. We didn't speak for a year and then he reached out and apologized. We had to have that difficult talk but it was worth it. Things aren't the same but I don't want them to be; I want them to be better. We're taking it slow coming back into each other's lives and I'm glad. I did miss my friend." –Amiyah Deziire, Author, Midnight Confessions

Temporary Breaks Are Healthy

"I had a best friend breakup like a year back. She is a spicy one and very headstrong girl from Brooklyn and so am I. We just clicked from the jump, but when I say we had multiple arguments, cursing battles and extreme dramatic displays of annoyance, it's not an exaggeration. We're both in the army; that's how we met. We were and are still close. It's crazy because [there was no single blow up that led to the breakup], it was more so what happened daily. But we made it through.

"Yes, we had our breaks in between, but I would say that's needed in close relationships. It helps set healthy boundaries because we had none in the beginning."

"Two-week breaks [every once in a while] is normal in my opinion. Now, we're closer than ever. She's still spicy though, but that's what I love about her." –Sgt. Simone Victor, U.S. Army

A Tragic Accident Forced Us To Reconnect

"I had a friend breakup with my best friend of over 20 years. It was very similar to how Issa and Molly's played out with myself being the more passive friend who usually shuts down. I had no desire to argue why I was worthy enough to be her friend or let her control how I should be a friend to her. We had our final argument the day before her baby shower and I decided after her treatment towards me for not responding to her how she wanted, I was not showing up to the baby shower. I now know that was wrong and spiteful. Needless to say, she was pissed and we didn't speaks for 6 months.

"A mutual friend of ours was in a tragic car accident and my best friend decided to reach out. I do regret that I didn't reach out first or initiate a conversation because I needed to grow up. A major flaw of mine is that I go into my shutdown mode. However, we went out to eat to fully communicate our honest feelings and decided to move on. Four years later, we lost one of the closest girlfriends to us and have realized nothing is worth us not communicating and we will never get to that place where we were before. At least that's how we feel for now but you never know, shit always changing. (laughs)!" –LaToya D., @the.analoggirl, www.theanaloggirl.com

Respect Me Enough To Handle Our Beef One On One

"Issa and Molly fighting in public, where they had countless opportunities to discuss their issues privately, is a HELL NO, YOU GOT ME F%^&ED UP.

"If you are my best friend, give me the ultimate respect of handling our beef one on one. The block party was an important night for Issa, Molly should've put her ego and feelings to the side and discussed her issues with Issa another day. It's normal for friends to argue and disagree but timing is everything and this was NOT the right time. In regard to breaking up with a friend, Issa and Molly definitely need to step away from each other (for now). When there is a lot of hurt feelings, shade, or disagreements, the cause of the fight takes a back seat. You can't resolve an issue when you are throwing shade or fighting in the streets.

"You also can't expect someone to treat you like you treat them. Some people don't know how to be a friend. If you feel used, betrayed, or belittled, that is not your friend. If your energy is down when you are around them, that is not your friend. If you are constantly saying, 'I am always doing XYZ for this person but it is not reciprocated'—THAT IS NOT YOUR FRIEND!"

"Do like Taye Diggs said in Brown Sugar:

"'Celebrating what?'


–Kateri Fischer, On-Air Scheduling Coordinator, BET Networks

Even The Strongest Friendships Get Tested

"While I've never had a public friend breakup, I've definitely parted ways with a few friends. I'd say friendship breakups are harder to go through than romantic ones because of how vulnerable you are with friends. My friendship breakups centered around a lack of reliability in such friend, not feeling comfortable talking about my issues with such friend or just not connecting with such friend on the same level anymore. Usually what happens is a slow phase out until we are no longer on speaking terms. I'd say we both knew the friendship wasn't benefiting either of us and at that point it's time to cut your losses. I've only had one friend try to dig herself out of the grave and contact me to rekindle the friendship.

"However, at the end of the day that relationship will never be the same again since we aren't the same. What I mean is people change throughout life, they grow in many different beautiful ways. Sometimes your growth can mean growing apart from a friend who didn't transform in the same way as you and that's OK."

"I hope Molly and Issa can fix the issue of communication but if they feel that they can continue their personal growth without one another, that's fine too. Even the strongest friendships get tested at times, if they pull through then the friendship can become stronger than ever." –India Douglas, Licensed Master Social Worker (LMSW)

The Fact It Was So Public Was Very Damaging

"I had a very serious friend breakup in front of mutual friends and other people who were very close to me personally but not close to her. We had a very intense and heated argument and we were not able to mend that relationship again. I think we both were embarrassed and very hurt about how public it was, and it was just something that we couldn't move past.

"We're no longer friends and don't have any plans of rekindling the friendship as we both have grown apart. But I think that some friendships just end up that way when people grow apart. Adding in the element of being public was also very damaging for the relationship. I think arguments, discussions and conversations are probably best in private." –K.C, Marketing Manager

Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here to receive our latest articles and news straight to your inbox.

Featured image via HBO/Insecure

ACLU By ACLUSponsored

Over the past four years, we grew accustomed to a regular barrage of blatant, segregationist-style racism from the White House. Donald Trump tweeted that “the Squad," four Democratic Congresswomen who are Black, Latinx, and South Asian, should “go back" to the “corrupt" countries they came from; that same year, he called Elizabeth Warren “Pocahontas," mocking her belief that she might be descended from Native American ancestors.

But as outrageous as the racist comments Trump regularly spewed were, the racially unjust governmental actions his administration took and, in the case of COVID-19, didn't take, impacted millions more — especially Black and Brown people.

To begin to heal and move toward real racial justice, we must address not only the harms of the past four years, but also the harms tracing back to this country's origins. Racism has played an active role in the creation of our systems of education, health care, ownership, and employment, and virtually every other facet of life since this nation's founding.

Our history has shown us that it's not enough to take racist policies off the books if we are going to achieve true justice. Those past policies have structured our society and created deeply-rooted patterns and practices that can only be disrupted and reformed with new policies of similar strength and efficacy. In short, a systemic problem requires a systemic solution. To combat systemic racism, we must pursue systemic equality.

What is Systemic Racism?

A system is a collection of elements that are organized for a common purpose. Racism in America is a system that combines economic, political, and social components. That system specifically disempowers and disenfranchises Black people, while maintaining and expanding implicit and explicit advantages for white people, leading to better opportunities in jobs, education, and housing, and discrimination in the criminal legal system. For example, the country's voting systems empower white voters at the expense of voters of color, resulting in an unequal system of governance in which those communities have little voice and representation, even in policies that directly impact them.

Systemic Equality is a Systemic Solution

In the years ahead, the ACLU will pursue administrative and legislative campaigns targeting the Biden-Harris administration and Congress. We will leverage legal advocacy to dismantle systemic barriers, and will work with our affiliates to change policies nearer to the communities most harmed by these legacies. The goal is to build a nation where every person can achieve their highest potential, unhampered by structural and institutional racism.

To begin, in 2021, we believe the Biden administration and Congress should take the following crucial steps to advance systemic equality:

Voting Rights

The administration must issue an executive order creating a Justice Department lead staff position on voting rights violations in every U.S. Attorney office. We are seeing a flood of unlawful restrictions on voting across the country, and at every level of state and local government. This nationwide problem requires nationwide investigatory and enforcement resources. Even if it requires new training and approval protocols, a new voting rights enforcement program with the participation of all 93 U.S. Attorney offices is the best way to help ensure nationwide enforcement of voting rights laws.

These assistant U.S. attorneys should begin by ensuring that every American in the custody of the Bureau of Prisons who is eligible to vote can vote, and monitor the Census and redistricting process to fight the dilution of voting power in communities of color.

We are also calling on Congress to pass the John Lewis Voting Rights Advancement Act to finally create a fair and equal national voting system, the cause for which John Lewis devoted his life.

Student Debt

Black borrowers pay more than other students for the same degrees, and graduate with an average of $7,400 more in debt than their white peers. In the years following graduation, the debt gap more than triples. Nearly half of Black borrowers will default within 12 years. In other words, for Black Americans, the American dream costs more. Last week, Majority Leader Chuck Schumer and Sen. Elizabeth Warren, along with House Reps. Ayanna Pressley, Maxine Waters, and others, called on President Biden to cancel up to $50,000 in federal student loan debt per borrower.

We couldn't agree more. By forgiving $50,000 of student debt, President Biden can unleash pent up economic potential in Black communities, while relieving them of a burden that forestalls so many hopes and dreams. Black women in particular will benefit from this executive action, as they are proportionately the most indebted group of all Americans.

Postal Banking

In both low and high income majority-Black communities, traditional bank branches are 50 percent more likely to close than in white communities. The result is that nearly 50 percent of Black Americans are unbanked or underbanked, and many pay more than $2,000 in fees associated with subprime financial institutions. Over their lifetime, those fees can add up to as much as two years of annual income for the average Black family.

The U.S. Postal Service can and should meet this crisis by providing competitive, low-cost financial services to help advance economic equality. We call on President Biden to appoint new members to the Postal Board of Governors so that the Post Office can do the work of providing essential services to every American.

Fair Housing

Across the country, millions of people are living in communities of concentrated poverty, including 26 percent of all Black children. The Biden administration should again implement the 2015 Affirmatively Furthering Fair Housing rule, which required localities that receive federal funds for housing to investigate and address barriers to fair housing and patterns or practices that promote bias. In 1980, the average Black person lived in a neighborhood that was 62 percent Black and 31 percent white. By 2010, the average Black person's neighborhood was 48 percent Black and 34 percent white. Reinstating the Obama-era Fair Housing Rule will combat this ongoing segregation and set us on a path to true integration.

Congress should also pass the American Housing and Economic Mobility Act, or a similar measure, to finally redress the legacy of redlining and break down the walls of segregation once and for all.

Broadband Access

To realize broadband's potential to benefit our democracy and connect us to one another, all people in the United States must have equal access and broadband must be made affordable for the most vulnerable. Yet today, 15 percent of American households with school-age children do not have subscriptions to any form of broadband, including one-quarter of Black households (an additional 23 percent of African Americans are “smartphone-only" internet users, meaning they lack traditional home broadband service but do own a smartphone, which is insufficient to attend class, do homework, or apply for a job). The Biden administration, Federal Communications Commission, and Congress must develop and implement plans to increase funding for broadband to expand universal access.

Enhanced, Refundable Child Tax Credits

The United States faces a crisis of child poverty. Seventeen percent of all American children are impoverished — a rate higher than not just peer nations like Canada and the U.K., but Mexico and Russia as well. Currently, more than 50 percent of Black and Latinx children in the U.S. do not qualify for the full benefit, compared to 23 percent of white children, and nearly one in five Black children do not receive any credit at all.

To combat this crisis, President Biden and Congress should enhance the child tax credit and make it fully refundable. If we enhance the child tax credit, we can cut child poverty by 40 percent and instantly lift over 50 percent of Black children out of poverty.


We cannot repair harms that we have not fully diagnosed. We must commit to a thorough examination of the impact of the legacy of chattel slavery on racial inequality today. In 2021, Congress must pass H.R. 40, which would establish a commission to study reparations and make recommendations for Black Americans.

The Long View

For the past century, the ACLU has fought for racial justice in legislatures and in courts, including through several landmark Supreme Court cases. While the court has not always ruled in favor of racial justice, incremental wins throughout history have helped to chip away at different forms of racism such as school segregation ( Brown v. Board), racial bias in the criminal legal system (Powell v. Alabama, i.e. the Scottsboro Boys), and marriage inequality (Loving v. Virginia). While these landmark victories initiated necessary reforms, they were only a starting point.

Systemic racism continues to pervade the lives of Black people through voter suppression, lack of financial services, housing discrimination, and other areas. More than anything, doing this work has taught the ACLU that we must fight on every front in order to overcome our country's legacies of racism. That is what our Systemic Equality agenda is all about.

In the weeks ahead, we will both expand on our views of why these campaigns are crucial to systemic equality and signal the path this country must take. We will also dive into our work to build organizing, advocacy, and legal power in the South — a region with a unique history of racial oppression and violence alongside a rich history of antiracist organizing and advocacy. We are committed to four principles throughout this campaign: reconciliation, access, prosperity, and empowerment. We hope that our actions can meet our ambition to, as Dr. King said, lead this nation to live out the true meaning of its creed.

What you can do:
Take the pledge: Systemic Equality Agenda
Sign up

Featured image by Shutterstock

As Told To is a recurring segment on xoNecole where real women are given a platform to tell their stories in first-person narrative as told to a writer.

This is Maya's story, written by Charmin Michelle.

I know this may come to a surprise so many, but here we are. Yes, I got a BBL. If you aren't aware, a BBL is a Brazilian Butt Lift, a cosmetic surgery process where the doctor uses a combination of liposuction and fat-grafting, transfers the fat into the butt, resulting in added volume, defined curves, and a lift. It is technically lipo and a fat transfer. But yeah girl, this has been on my to-do list for a while. And now that I am able to afford it, I went for it.

Keep reading... Show less
The daily empowerment fix you need.
Make things inbox official.

The season I look forward to the most every year is Resort. Even if you haven't had an opportunity to enjoy a proper getaway this season, now is the time to get your last-minute plans in order as the final moments of summer quickly come to an end. While you can always find a sunny destination to travel any time of the year, this is the perfect time to take advantage of the final warm weather looks before fall inventory completely takes over.

Keep reading... Show less

It's still the early stages of this so-called post-pandemic life, and with graduates finally entering the workforce or taking their next steps toward true adulting, many might be wondering, "Where do I start?" True, life's been a roller coaster ride, but we're here to help with a list of best cities for millennials to work.

Keep reading... Show less

Black love deserves celebration. And it deserves celebration for multiple reasons. Because of our history, love for each other has been a necessity to survive. By choosing each other, we literally do it for the culture by continuing folklore and manifestations of our human intellectual achievements. Our genetic makeup has always been grounded in resilience — the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties and toughness. Black love creates balance, space, growth, and change making for a fundamental part of our identities.

Keep reading... Show less

Adulting is hard but packing up and moving from one living space to the next is even harder. As a young adult, leaving home to attend college 300 miles away, I was yearning for a change of scenery so much so I couldn't wait to pack my belongings and head to sunny southern California. With each transition, it wasn't an easy task, however, nine years and 10 roommates later, I finally have a place to call my own. As liberating as it is to be in a space that's all mine, this move is unlike any other. As a single woman, the responsibility of uprooting myself has been more challenging than I ever imagined. More than just saving dreamy home decor inspiration via Pinterest, making "my house a home" has been a process that's easier said than done.

Keep reading... Show less
Exclusive Interviews

Exclusive: Find Confidence With This Summer Workout Created By A Black Woman For Black Women

Tone & Sculpt trainer Danyele Wilson makes fitness goals attainable.

Latest Posts