
Have You Ever Had A Friendship Breakup?: 6 ‘Insecure’ Fans Sound Off

This week was the block party we've been waiting all quarantine long for (FINALLY) and it did not disappoint. Insecure fans are still recovering the events of said block party, which makes any previous drama like Molly's relationship/work life balance dilemma with Andrew from the previous episode look like small potatoes.
ICYMI…
There's been a lot of build-up this whole season that came down to an explosive argument between Issa and Molly at the end of the block party. The very public screaming match between the two besties went from heated confrontation to almost throwing hands to a someone yelling "gun" and breaking up the entire scene. I'm going to add that just before this all went down the pair looked like they were headed toward a reconciliation over "The Wobble". So, WTF?
The great unifier: the wobble. #InsecureHBO pic.twitter.com/mm5eYQm31j
— insecurehbo (@insecurehbo) May 11, 2020
Trying to make sense of what I just watched, and how one of television's best duos just called it quits, I discussed real-life buddy breakups with my friends. I've had a few friendship breakups over the years. Some dramatic, and some not so much. What I can say is that they've all been learning experiences. I'm a firm believer in this universal relationship truth: They're either a blessin' or a lesson. Ex friends were lessons that I learned things like what type of energy I want to surround myself with, how to forgive others for my own peace, and believe someone when they repeatedly show you who they are. I have a few blessings in my life in the form of best friends, too. At some point in my best friendships, we've had a falling out. Most of them are dumb when I explain them out loud now, or I can't even remember how they started, or the details are blurry between what actually happened and the embellishments I added in my head—as I suspect this Molly and Issa situation will play out years later.
But before you take the high road, you usually do a detour on the petty path and while the petty path is so not the right way, it's always the most entertaining. So, I reached out to Insecure fans to ask them:
Have you ever had a public, or otherwise, friend breakup? What happened? Did you come back from it?
We Didn’t Speak For A Year And Then He Apologized
"I had a very public breakup with my BFF on Facebook. He and I had been friends since '98. Can you imagine, 20 years? We had huge spat where we couldn't see eye to eye, but before that, we were throwing low blows and things were said that he couldn't take back. We didn't speak for a year and then he reached out and apologized. We had to have that difficult talk but it was worth it. Things aren't the same but I don't want them to be; I want them to be better. We're taking it slow coming back into each other's lives and I'm glad. I did miss my friend." –Amiyah Deziire, Author, Midnight Confessions
Temporary Breaks Are Healthy
"I had a best friend breakup like a year back. She is a spicy one and very headstrong girl from Brooklyn and so am I. We just clicked from the jump, but when I say we had multiple arguments, cursing battles and extreme dramatic displays of annoyance, it's not an exaggeration. We're both in the army; that's how we met. We were and are still close. It's crazy because [there was no single blow up that led to the breakup], it was more so what happened daily. But we made it through.
"Yes, we had our breaks in between, but I would say that's needed in close relationships. It helps set healthy boundaries because we had none in the beginning."
"Two-week breaks [every once in a while] is normal in my opinion. Now, we're closer than ever. She's still spicy though, but that's what I love about her." –Sgt. Simone Victor, U.S. Army
A Tragic Accident Forced Us To Reconnect
"I had a friend breakup with my best friend of over 20 years. It was very similar to how Issa and Molly's played out with myself being the more passive friend who usually shuts down. I had no desire to argue why I was worthy enough to be her friend or let her control how I should be a friend to her. We had our final argument the day before her baby shower and I decided after her treatment towards me for not responding to her how she wanted, I was not showing up to the baby shower. I now know that was wrong and spiteful. Needless to say, she was pissed and we didn't speaks for 6 months.
"A mutual friend of ours was in a tragic car accident and my best friend decided to reach out. I do regret that I didn't reach out first or initiate a conversation because I needed to grow up. A major flaw of mine is that I go into my shutdown mode. However, we went out to eat to fully communicate our honest feelings and decided to move on. Four years later, we lost one of the closest girlfriends to us and have realized nothing is worth us not communicating and we will never get to that place where we were before. At least that's how we feel for now but you never know, shit always changing. (laughs)!" –LaToya D., @the.analoggirl, www.theanaloggirl.com
Respect Me Enough To Handle Our Beef One On One
"Issa and Molly fighting in public, where they had countless opportunities to discuss their issues privately, is a HELL NO, YOU GOT ME F%^&ED UP.
"If you are my best friend, give me the ultimate respect of handling our beef one on one. The block party was an important night for Issa, Molly should've put her ego and feelings to the side and discussed her issues with Issa another day. It's normal for friends to argue and disagree but timing is everything and this was NOT the right time. In regard to breaking up with a friend, Issa and Molly definitely need to step away from each other (for now). When there is a lot of hurt feelings, shade, or disagreements, the cause of the fight takes a back seat. You can't resolve an issue when you are throwing shade or fighting in the streets.
"You also can't expect someone to treat you like you treat them. Some people don't know how to be a friend. If you feel used, betrayed, or belittled, that is not your friend. If your energy is down when you are around them, that is not your friend. If you are constantly saying, 'I am always doing XYZ for this person but it is not reciprocated'—THAT IS NOT YOUR FRIEND!"
"Do like Taye Diggs said in Brown Sugar:
"'Celebrating what?'
"'MY DIVORCE.'"
–Kateri Fischer, On-Air Scheduling Coordinator, BET Networks
Even The Strongest Friendships Get Tested
"While I've never had a public friend breakup, I've definitely parted ways with a few friends. I'd say friendship breakups are harder to go through than romantic ones because of how vulnerable you are with friends. My friendship breakups centered around a lack of reliability in such friend, not feeling comfortable talking about my issues with such friend or just not connecting with such friend on the same level anymore. Usually what happens is a slow phase out until we are no longer on speaking terms. I'd say we both knew the friendship wasn't benefiting either of us and at that point it's time to cut your losses. I've only had one friend try to dig herself out of the grave and contact me to rekindle the friendship.
"However, at the end of the day that relationship will never be the same again since we aren't the same. What I mean is people change throughout life, they grow in many different beautiful ways. Sometimes your growth can mean growing apart from a friend who didn't transform in the same way as you and that's OK."
"I hope Molly and Issa can fix the issue of communication but if they feel that they can continue their personal growth without one another, that's fine too. Even the strongest friendships get tested at times, if they pull through then the friendship can become stronger than ever." –India Douglas, Licensed Master Social Worker (LMSW)
The Fact It Was So Public Was Very Damaging
"I had a very serious friend breakup in front of mutual friends and other people who were very close to me personally but not close to her. We had a very intense and heated argument and we were not able to mend that relationship again. I think we both were embarrassed and very hurt about how public it was, and it was just something that we couldn't move past.
"We're no longer friends and don't have any plans of rekindling the friendship as we both have grown apart. But I think that some friendships just end up that way when people grow apart. Adding in the element of being public was also very damaging for the relationship. I think arguments, discussions and conversations are probably best in private." –K.C, Marketing Manager
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here to receive our latest articles and news straight to your inbox.
Featured image via HBO/Insecure
Jazmine A. Ortiz is a creative born and raised in Bushwick, Brooklyn and currently living in Staten Island, NY. She started in the entertainment industry in 2012 and now works as a Lifestyle Editor where she explores everything from mental health to vegan foodie trends. For more on what she's doing in the digital space follow her on Instagram at @liddle_bitt.
Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image courtesy
Be Careful. Those Casual Friendships Can Be Red Flags Too.
A couple of weeks ago, I was listening to someone vent about an area of frustration that they couldn’t seem to get to the root of — why they keep getting taken advantage of by certain individuals. When you’ve been a life coach for as long as I have (and you were a journalist before that), you learn how to ask certain questions that can cause people to consider things that they may never have before.
So, when I asked her, “What is the common thread with all of those folks? And sit still for two minutes before answering,” when she finally heard her own self speak, her eyes got wide and her mouth dropped open: “They’re all people who I’m not really sure what they are in my life.”
Ding. Ding. DING.
A life coach by the name of Thomas Leonard once said that “Clarity affords focus” and, believe you me, when it comes to dealing with other human beings, if you don’t get clear on where you stand when it comes to your interactions with them, you can very easily find yourself “focusing too much” on those who don’t deserve it and too little on those who absolutely do. And y’all, this lil’ PSA couldn’t be more relevant than when it comes to what I call “casual friendships.”
Let’s dig — and for some of us, dig our way out of — what it means to have a casual friend, so that you can get clear on if you really need those in your life…and if so…why?
Article continues after the video.
It Can’t Be Said Enough: Always Remember What “Casual” Means
There’s a reason why I decided to share two videos by mental health coach Isaiah Frizzle at the top and bottom of this article. It’s because a lot of what he shares in both of them complements a piece that I wrote for the platform last year entitled, “This Is Just What Purposeful Relationships Look Like.”
It’s the author M. Scott Peck who once said, “Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it” and please believe that the older (and hopefully more mature) you get, the more you tend to see just how valuable — and fleeting — time is; and that is what plays a huge role in motivating you want to only involve yourself with people, places, things and ideas that will honor your time — and when something is casual? In my opinion, it’s highly debatable that it’s worth much of your months, days, hours, or even too many of your minutes.
The main reason why is addressed in an article that I wrote back in the day entitled, “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex.'” The gist? When it comes to relationships, “casual” is certainly not a favorite word of mine because I know what it means. Have mercy — why would you want to invest your time, energy, and emotions into something that is, by definition, apathetic, indifferent, careless, lacking emotional intimacy, and/or is without purpose?
I don’t know about y’all but that sounds like a complete and total crap shoot to me — especially if you are going to go so far as to consider this type of dynamic a true friendship (check out “Ever Wonder If A Friend Is Just...Not That Into You?,” “6 Signs You're About To Make A Huge Mistake In Making Them A Close Friend,” “5 Signs Of A Toxic Friendship That Is Secretly Poisoning Your Life,” “12 Friend Facts That Might Cause You To Rethink (Some Of) Your Own,” and “Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?” ).
To me, when you decide to call someone “friend,” it means that they are loyal, reliable, consistent, trustworthy and willing to be there to support you to the very best of their ability — even if it’s inconvenient to do so sometimes (check out “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient'”). How in the world can you expect that from something that has the word “casual” in it?
And you know what? That actually segues into my next point about casual friendships pretty darn well.
Ponder the Purpose “Casual Friends” Serve in Your Life
A couple of years ago, Verywell Mind published an article entitled, “How the 4 Types of Friendship Fit Into Your Life.” The four that it listed were acquaintances (which I actually don’t consider to be friends; check out “6 Differences Between A Close Acquaintance And An Actual Friend”), casual friends, close friends, and lifelong friends. After reading the piece, I think they consider casual friends to be the “pleasure” friends that I mentioned in the article, “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends.”
And although I certainly get that, I think my “cause for pause” is calling those people “friends” when they probably should be called something like an associate or possibly even a buddy instead. Why do I feel this way? Well, I’ve shared in other articles that I think social media has jacked up vocabulary words and their true meaning on a billion different levels.
Take “friend,” for example. Facebook had us out here calling everyone we connected to on their platform “friends” when some of them, we’ve never even spoken to before — and I personally think that influenced, affected and perhaps even infected our psyche to the point where we will call folks, both online and off, “friend” even when they haven’t earned it and/or who possibly don’t deserve it.
That said, do I think that we all could use lighthearted interactions that don’t go very deep and are filled with not much more than fun? Sure. However, if we were to move this over into a sexual thing — those types of people would probably be called a sneaky link, and there is nothing significant or substantial about ‘em. In fact, if anything pretty much automatically comes with an expiration date, sneaky links would have to be it.
And that’s kind of the point that I’m trying to make about a casual friend — so long as you know that the word “casual” is being used to describe them, while you may enjoy the people who fit that bill, they aren’t really anything that you can or even should fully rely on. Instead, take them for what they are and don’t really expect much more than that. Otherwise, you could be in for some profound levels of disappointment. And who wants that?
Final point.
How a Casual Friend Can Become a Huge Red Flag
I’m telling you, y’all gonna quit clowning Tubi. LOL. To me, the best way to describe it is it’s the Cricket of current streaming apps. What I mean by that is, back when Cricket (the cell phone service) first came out, people, like me, who used it service got incessantly clowned because it was seen as a bootleg provider. Now it’s owned by AT&T, and as someone who has rocked with them since I was in my 20s, I don’t have one regret for doing so. Cricket has always been good to me, chile.
And Tubi? Well, when you get a chance, check out CNBC’s article, “CEO at 33, Tubi’s Anjali Sud on success hacks she learned at Amazon, IAC on way to top of Fox streaming” — take note of the moves the streaming app is making and the quality of programming that is transpiring in real time.
Anyway, I find myself bringing up Tubi more and more in my content because it helps to amplify some of the points that I like to make. This time, it’s a movie that’s (currently) on there calledRight Man, Wrong Woman. If you haven’t seen it before, I don’t want to give too much of the film away. What I will say is that the main female character, she had a casual friend and then she had a close friend.
That casual friend—the one who liked to kick it all of the time—was a lot of fun; however, dealing with her came with a ton of semi-unforeseen consequences. Meanwhile, the close friend? She’s what the Aristotle article (that I mentioned earlier) would call the “good friend” because she tried her best to hold her friend accountable.
And really, it shouldn’t be a shock that the casual friend turned out to be a plum trip because if someone is loads of entertainment and pleasure and yet they are indifferent towards you, they make careless decisions around you and/or they don’t really make known the purpose for you being in their life other than to pass some time — where really do you and that person have to go past drinks after work or dinner on a rooftop restaurant from time to time? And if that is all that the two of you are doing, again, why are they deserving of the word “friend”?
Hmph and don’t get me started on the lack of reciprocity that typically transpires when it comes to dealing with people like this because, while they won’t mind you spending your coins on them, taking their calls in the middle of the night or listening to all of their issues — when it comes time for them to show up for you, they very well may gaslight you into thinking that you are being dramatic, clingy or “doing the most.” Why? Well, it’s mostly because the two of you never really established what the hell the both of you are to one another.
And so, while you’re somewhere taking them seriously, they are out here seeing you casually, and as much as it might hurt to hear, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. You shouldn’t expect much where no clarity is involved. After all, casual is just that: CASUAL.
____
I’m hoping that you can now see why I entitled this piece in the way that I did. It’s because a red flag is pretty much a warning, and to me, a casual friend is about as big of an oxymoron (again, to me) as casual sex is. Friends and sex are both too intimate to be seen or treated casually. Oh, but if you step out and take that risk, you could find yourself getting far more involved than the other individual ever wanted to go, because casual is how things have always been. “Friend” was simply to get you more mentally and emotionally invested. SMDH.
American columnist Walter Winchell once said, “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” A wise person once said, “One good friendship will outlive forty average loves." Former President Ulysses S. Grant once said, “The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish most. I can better trust those who helped to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity.” Does any of this sound casual to you? Yeah, me neither.
Again, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have people in your life who aren’t on deep levels. I’m just saying that you might want to consider putting them into another category than friend, because what friends do for people? There ain’t nothin’ even remotely casual about it, sis. Not even a lil’ bit.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Shutterstock