Taye Diggs & Apryl Jones On How They Met, Taking Things Slow & Navigating Conflict
Ever seen a couple that doesn't make sense on paper but the moment you see them together, you understand why they work? That's Taye Diggs and Apryl Jones for me. Despite being from two different walks of life, the love birds radiate "for life" energy and I completely believe them when they say that they are in this for the long haul. And not just because the chemistry and endless laughter the two seem to share act as an indication.
The pair made a soft launch as "just friends" virtually out of nowhere, appearing in one another's hilarious TikToks in 2021. And despite making several appearances together in public outings and on the red carpet, they seemed to duck and dodge, "are they or aren't they" questions for a while. Last year though, Taye seemingly confirmed his not-so-secret romance with Apryl and loved her out loud in a vulnerable Instagram post.
Taye Diggs and Apryl Jones Open Up About Their Relationship
Taye and Apryl are taking being public about their relationship a step further in a recent appearance in the podcast, Unconsciously Coupled with Erinn and Oliver Hudson. In the episode, the couple spilled the tea on their love, how they met, and navigating conflict, and everything in between.
Taye Diggs & Apryl Jones on How They Met
In a meet-cute that is pretty common in the digital age, Taye explained to listeners that he and Apryl met on Instagram. "Not on purpose," he clarified before explaining that his single days post-divorce involved him scrolling on the app and looking at women in a way that he describes was like "porn a little bit. But just for the eyes." On one particular day, he came across a IG Reel and described Apryl as this "beautiful girl" that popped up on his Explore page lip-synching to an audio as a mother making fun of being a mother.
From there, he sent a message of, "You're hilarious." And thought that would be the end of it because, in his words, he felt that she and any of the girls he came across during his single days on IG were "out of his league." But not for the reasons you think.
Taye explained that he thought that he was "not what 'those types of girls' were looking for. That was my thing. I'm cool, but if I stay in my lane." He added that he imagined Apryl going for "rappers, ball players, other influencers." He joked that his musical theater background wasn't something he thought she'd be checking for.
And Apryl lowkey confirmed that later by mentioning that Taye was not the type of guy that she or people in her circle would bring up if they are talking about dating pursuits. But luckily the actor took a chance by sliding in her DMs with a genuine remark that had nothing to do with her beauty because it was enough to capture Apryl's eye and a couple of days later prompt a response. Apryl gave him her number and the rest was history.
On Their First Date & Taking It Slow
After exchanging numbers, Taye and Apryl took things relatively slow. Thanks to Apryl being away due to filming in Atlanta, they were able to get to know each other offline and long-distance for a month and a half. Taye said that it gave him space which he needed because he was very nervous in his pursuit of her. They described the getting-to-know-each-other phase of theirs before meeting as a fun time where they texted, called, and sent videos back and forth to one another.
When they were finally ready to meet in person, Apryl made it known that Taye stood her up twice for plans on the same day. Taye's son Walker would be the reason for standing her up both times, which Apryl understood because she also has kids. Taye said it was a "test" and that he was impressed that she was "super cool about it" both times. "I was like, 'It's all cool.' Like, I have kids, I know what this is like. Cool, whatever. And then, he asked me for another date."
The third time would be the charm as they finally made their first date happen. Taye was late to the dinner date but Apryl absolved him of his sins because of how good he looked and how "chocolate" he was. Apparently, the date was well worth the wait in more ways than one because they ended up talking for hours up until they were the only two people left in the restaurant.
"It felt really easy," Apryl noted. "In my mind, I was hoping he'd say, 'Let's continue this somewhere.' And he was just like, 'I have to go back to my dog.' And I was like, your fucking dog? Your fucking dog?" Taye commented that in reality he was "petrified" of what was unfolding between them which is something Apryl said he would confess to her months into their relationship. "When you wait, you can't go wrong. You only go wrong when you rush," he said. "But, I was petrified."
Speaking of not being in a rush, Taye had the "taking it slow" phase on lock. Apryl revealed that they didn't touch for months, not even a kiss. They nurtured a friendship before entering a relationship. The moment of truth would eventually come when Taye invited her to a Christmas party that he said held a lot of significance for him. He had a lot of nerves about it but was blown away by how well "she held the room." It would be a turning point for their budding relationship.
On Learning to Navigate Conflict in a Healthy Way & Being Comitted No Matter What
Taye said that she intimidated him then and she still intimidates him now, which is what he feels he needs. "I think I need someone to keep me occupied. Not that it's game playing but I feel like I'm boxing above my weight. So I'm always on, I'm always on guard, you know what I mean?"
Apryl later said, "I know what I want. I know what I want. And I'm very clear on that. And I tell him all the time, like, I want you. Now get your fucking shit together or... I'm very stern on that." She added, "It's the mere fact that he knows, I don't play with my emotions."
In a very real way, the couple eventually segued into how they navigate conflict in their relationship and Apryl pointed to therapy, communication, and understanding being cornerstones of how they hold space for one another in the relationship during disagreements. Taye noted that the work was worth it because the relationship is worth it. "With him, the reason why we work is because we have a willingness to work at whatever it is," she explained.
"We talk a lot about things so also his trauma I can see in his movements and vice versa so I have a deeper understanding and love and patience with him because of why I see his habits are a particular way... We're going to do these things together or I'm going to help you get through these [things], you know what I mean? Because I don't want to change who he is."
Taye said that one of their big issues is a small issue and that is channeling vulnerability. Also, learning to accept the fact that they have different perspectives sometimes is a game changer when broaching difficult topics that come up in their relationship. That's how she feels, he said, and I have to accept that.
Before they got to that place though, Taye admitted that they would often shut the relationship down during conflict, threaten to leave, and sometimes actually leave the relationship. While they noted that there is no cheating or other people in their relationship, a lot of their arguments are rooted in the past and fear and would sometimes blow up due to mismanaging conflict when they encountered it.
Taye counted a total of three times that they broke up and made up again during their relationship (some of which we the people might have caught wind of from Instagram un-follows and re-follows). Now the couple has made the conscious decision to not activate that trigger during disagreements and to instead be "committed" to the relationship "no matter what."
On Waiting to Have Sex & How It Helped Their Relationship
In the episode, Taye and Apryl shouted out the fact that taking it slow ultimately benefitted their relationship in a number of ways. Apryl said the sex was amazing, she was happy they didn't start off with sex because they were able to create a healthy relationship with sex versus it becoming a foundation that a relationship is built on.
She said that sometimes starting off a relationship with sex makes it all that matters. "But with him, waiting scared me, number one. But number two, it was appreciated because it wasn't the first go-to for me with him. I don't fall on the sex. Although that is the most incredible thing, it is everything before that."
Apryl even recounted a trip to Mexico that they took around the holidays and the fact that she and Taye slept in the same bed together but still didn't do anything physical. It's the build-up for us. It wouldn't be until New Year's Eve when they were at dinner together sometime later, on shrooms and unable to keep their hands off of each other that they would solidify the physical aspect of their romance.
"The night was just so awesome," she recalled. After such an incredible night, Apryl said they woke up and decided they were officially together.
On Realizing They Were Each Other's "One"
Feeling like they were out of each other's leagues was something Taye and Apryl both expressed in different ways while on the podcast. Taye also touched on how becoming more in touch with his spirituality as a form of healing after his divorce opened him to see a life for himself with someone in a way that a past version of him might have not been open to.
"Meeting Apryl on Instagram and having her be... like, I saw her as a thing that didn't fit. She wasn't supposed to be with me, you know what I mean? But there was some-... I thought. But there was something inside me- the universe or spirit or whatever, God- that was like, 'Don't do what you always do. Just go with it. Just go with it...'" He continued, "And every time I took a step [in the relationship], it was great."
Taye also described signs that happened throughout their courtship that told him that Apryl was the one, including a psychic who had no idea they were dating pointing Apryl out as "the one." The conversation eventually shifts into their humor and the fact that the co-hosts knew Apryl was someone special to Taye because of the way she was able to make him laugh.
"That's the thing for me," Apryl said about their humor, "I always prayed for someone I could laugh with all the time because I feel like life is supposed to be light."
On the night before they became official, the two had a shroom ceremony on New Year's Eve where they learned that their relationship was "ordained by God," they knew each other in past lives, and that they are together for a reason and for a purpose that is beyond them to help other people see love. If their bond is any indication, Taye and Apryl are most definitely succeeding in that purpose.
Listen to the episode in full below:
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Navigating Dating When Emotionally Unavailable & Detached: My Journey Back To Feeling
The last time I came with a dating story, I told you I got my little feelings hurt in 2021. I called myself trying to be out in these streets entertaining a man in a different area code, city, and state — only for homeboy to play in my damn face. So, I went and gave y’all "8 Rules To Casual Dating Every Woman Should Know This Summer." You’re welcome. Fast forward to 2024, and I am now coming to you from a more mature and intentional place. We’re not in summer yet, but I truly believe what blooms in spring, thrives in summer.
2023 was my year, and it was my turn. I had just completed an 8-month holistic detox. The glow-up was real and well-deserved. The way I have poured into myself is unmatched. Let me tell you, self-love is a love you have never known. After a five-year healing journey, I finally felt like myself again, and I was ready to play. My heart was open, my mind was clear, and my body hella transformed. I had told all my friends that I was ready to explore dating again, and at the height of summer, I did exactly just that.
This time I decided I wanted to take my time. I wanted to date the “right way” or the “healthy way.” You know, keep your options open, ask the right questions, believe actions and not words, observe patterns and pay attention to red, yellow, and green flags. I was never the dating app type of girl. I sincerely miss everything about human connection and dating from 2000 to 2012. Can we please bring all of that back into 2024? I prefer to feel a man’s energy and presence in real-time. Nonetheless, I still chose to dabble with a few dating apps. I was all the way outside and dating for practice.
Unfortunately, with today’s dating culture, social climate, and how some of these men move and/or behave, these dates were a dead end. Not one guy made it to my roster. What these men were was benched this season – not one of them could be my first-round select draft pick. It didn't seem like anyone I met was interested in a serious relationship. And it’s completely fine. Miss me with the ghosting, lack of effort, inconsistency, and poor communication. I continued to just do me because what is for me will not miss me.
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The universe must have heard me talking because I had specifically told my closest girlfriends that I wanted to meet someone who lived in the vicinity, no more than twenty minutes away, and no more long distance. And I did meet him (it’s crazy how I manifest exactly what I want). As we started to get to know each other, I liked his energy and effort. I liked the direction it seemed to be going to the point my girlfriends had to tell me not to run from him. Because every part of me wanted to run from something that seemed normal.
I liked what he was coming with until I became uncomfortable with my own feelings, and I didn’t know how to communicate them to him.
With that said, I knew if I truly wanted to experience the truest of loves, a reciprocal, requited love, and be in a healthy relationship this story had to come to a pause. What I didn’t know was that he was going to show me things I didn’t know I needed to work on. I didn’t know he inadvertently was going to help me continue to heal parts of me that were hidden.
As someone who has learned to self-heal, I am no longer the type that runs from herself. I am here for the growth.
The truth is I am emotionally detached from myself, and I am not actively dating at the moment. I am the one that has to work on herself. My reiki healer called it, too – she told me this year would not be a year for a relationship, but a year of continuous growth. And now I see why. After all the healing work I have done thus far – I am an unemotional mess. How?
At my big age of 39, I struggle to communicate my wants and needs.
I still struggle to communicate and process uncomfortable feelings. I would rather give myself anxiety, act nonchalantly, emotionally react, and choose non-communication when I am bothered with someone than address the issue (I will later explain why). I have been ignoring my feelings for so long it has become a habit, a defense mechanism, and more so a trauma response.
If you are someone like me who grew up in a household that didn’t discuss feelings, your emotional needs were unmet, and you don’t feel safe to share your feelings – emotional detachment is quite common.
Oftentimes, we always talk about men being emotionally unavailable, but what if it’s a woman who is emotionally unavailable or emotionally detached? How does she navigate herself, dating, or being in a relationship? As I navigate my emotions this season, let’s explore what it means to be emotionally detached, the signs of detachment, and how to reconnect with yourself emotionally.
Emotional Unavailability vs. Emotional Detachment
When we look at the terminology emotional unavailability and emotional detachment, one might argue that the two terms are interchangeable and have the same meaning. One could also argue that both terms mean that some people are not in tune with their emotions or lack the emotional capacity to be responsive to someone else’s emotions. Fair enough. However, there is a big difference. The definition of emotional unavailability is described as people who have difficulty with sharing their emotions and being receptive to the emotions of those around them.
According to Verywell Mind, signs of emotional unavailability can look like being distant or cold, lack of closeness, and emotional intimacy in relationships, inability to understand and relate to others’ feelings, defensiveness when asked to change or let others in, tendency to shut down or avoid topics that require emotional openness, or withdrawal from people or situations that provoke emotional reactions.
Whereas emotional detachment is defined as the inability to or willingness to connect with others on an emotional level. Furthermore, Psychology Today states emotional detachment can also mean that people do not engage with their feelings. Exhibit A – me. Emotional detachment has various causes – past neglect, childhood or adult trauma, PTSD, depression, personality disorder, bipolar disorder, substance abuse, or, in some cases, medication (i.e. antidepressants). It is important to note emotional detachment is a complex issue. For someone like me, it’s a coping mechanism.
It is easier for me to ignore uncomfortable feelings to protect myself from stress or getting hurt. Hence, my nonchalant demeanor. It is also true for some people it is a reaction to trauma, abuse, and unprocessed emotions. Exhibit B – me. As it is difficult for me to open up about my feelings at the moment. On the contrary – emotional detachment can be helpful in navigating some situations like listening to people’s opinions and gossip.
Unfortunately, emotional detachment is not a behavior that can be turned on and off at will. Please note that emotional detachment is NOT a mental health diagnosis but can be a symptom of a mental health condition such as an attachment disorder. And if you know anything about attachment theory, it is related to the relationship we develop in our childhood with our primary caregivers.
Signs You're Emotionally Detached
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According to Psychology Today and Verywell Mind, general signs of emotional detachment can look like difficulty showing empathy to others, sharing emotions, committing to a relationship, feeling numb, poor listening skills, lack of self-esteem, preferring to be alone, struggling to feel positive emotions, inability to identify emotions, lack of physical, verbal, or sexual contact and losing touch with people or maintaining connections.
In a romantic relationship, emotional detachment shows up as you or your partner not being available for connection, poor communication, or reduced affection.
For me, my experience with emotional detachment is collective. I am an empath to my core. I don’t have a problem relating to other’s feelings or circumstances. I don’t have commitment issues, nor do I have an issue connecting with others or maintaining those connections. I struggle with sharing emotions, at least the negative ones.
Due to the emotional abuse from my childhood and a toxic relationship, I learned sharing emotions just wasn't the safe thing to do. As a survivor of trauma, I learned to suppress feeling negative emotions in general as a form of protection.
How To Reconnect To Your Emotions When You're Emotionally Unavailable
Serious Kid Cudi GIF by Apple MusicGiphyExploring my emotional side in-depth started late last year simply by noticing my reaction to something that he did. I didn’t know how to properly communicate to him how I was feeling or what he did bothered me in the moment. So, I swallowed my feelings and said absolutely nothing. I intentionally chose to avoid the issue. I chose to rationalize the situation instead of acknowledging that my feelings at the time were valid. I chose to act like everything was all good because it was all good.
“It wasn’t that deep to begin with” is what I told myself. And this is where the problem lies.
The saying is true, “What happens in your childhood shows up in your adult relationships.” I came to realize that because I was not able to express my feelings as a child, I struggled to process them. I either hold back my feelings, take a long time to say how I feel, or don’t say anything at all. This is because I fear people will walk away from me like my mother did if I share what I truly feel. I fear my feelings won’t be validated, or they will be rejected.
With that said, I was completely unaware that I was emotionally detached from myself until recently. So, here we are with this article. It all started by reading Instagram’s @theholisticpsychologist, Dr. Nicole LePera’s newest book How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships, which was released on November 28, 2023. As I read through the first chapter, I became triggered.
How Dr. LePera describes her childhood with her parents and experiences with her romantic partners somewhat mirrored my experiences with my own parents and relationships. As Dr. LaPera stated in her book, I have no issue showing up for others or meeting their needs and wants. But when it comes to expressing my own needs and wants – I cannot or I don’t. This is mainly due to my hyper-independence.
At an early age, I learned to show up for myself because the people I trusted to show up for me failed. Given my home environment, I had internalized it is not safe to talk about feelings. I never knew my emotional responses and behavior were abnormal. But because I am willing to continue to do my inner work, I know that I can reconnect to my emotions, and undo four decades of repressed emotions.
If you are someone like me who struggles with emotional connection with yourself and others, here is how you go about it:
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1. Know Your Attachment Style
For me, the first step was to understand my attachment style. I asked my therapist if she could help me identify my attachment style to understand my triggers. She recommended The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen, LMFT. My therapist administered the associated online quiz – Attachment Quiz. If you haven’t figured out my attachment style yet by reading this article, I have an anxious attachment style.
This means I don’t do well with inconsistent behavior, especially from men (but I’m the type that holds men to standards too). People with an anxious attachment style have a need to feel close to their partner. It may come across as “clingy” or “needy.” However, this same need is often driven by fear of abandonment, mistrust, and low self-esteem. I would say knowing your attachment style is helpful because you can work towards having a secure attachment style (with practice) in your relationships – familial, business, work, platonic, or romantic.
2. Become Self-Aware
Most people who are not in the practice of self-care or self-healing are unaware of their triggers, patterns, and behaviors. We are so caught up in the daily minutiae of life that we forget to pay attention to the most important part of our days — ourselves. As Dr. LePera says, make it a conscious habit to pause throughout your day to check in with yourself. Ask yourself:
- How does my body feel?
- What am I doing right now?
- Am I present?
- Am I distracted and lost with other thoughts?
- What do I think or feel when I recall a specific experience with someone?
- What do I think or worry about?
- What would happen if I shared my authentic thoughts, perspective, feelings right now?”
This is what Dr. LePera refers to as exploring your embodied self or fulfilling your authentic needs in chapter two of her book. Consistent mindfulness and self-awareness are key to self-discovery and in any healing journey. Learning to focus on the present moment also includes paying attention to our emotional response to an event or how we think about emotions in general.
3. Practice Vulnerability
The idea of vulnerability is a tough one for me and so many other women for countless reasons. Whether it be toxic family, friendships, relationships, or trauma – trusting others with your thoughts and feelings is not easy. As much as I am open and transparent, I am not as vulnerable. And I believe there is so much power in the duality to be both. To trust someone, let alone a man with your authentic self is a delicate matter.
But it is emotional vulnerability that allows us humans to build authentic connections, create stronger relationships, and break down emotional walls. Emotional vulnerability is not something to be rushed – it takes time and practice from you and the people you choose to have in your life. Medical News Today suggests that we can learn to be vulnerable by opening up more to our closest friends, building our ability to become more trusting, and developing skills to regulate our emotions.
4. Seek Therapy
I have been in therapy for six years and counting. I would consider therapy one of my safe spaces. I am one of those individuals who recommend therapy to everyone as it has given me the tools and resources I need to navigate my life challenges. By choosing to get help, I was able to put my PTSD and depression in remission for four years now. I have also learned how to manage my anxiety.
I am fully aware that in this season of my life requires me to do the work to unlock new levels of self. And any time where I have consciously chosen growth – the universe or life has not failed me. I was able to heal my body, my heart, and my spirit. Now, it’s time to heal my inner child, this hurt little girl who lives in me.
I will say choosing a therapist is similar to dating; you might go through a few potentials until you find a therapist you connect with. Actually, one of my lifelong friends said to me the other day, “Your relationship with your therapist is one of the most important relationships in your life.” I needed her to say that, and I needed to hear it because it’s true. You are essentially trusting a licensed stranger to help you navigate your life on so many levels.
Be picky and ask the questions. Cut the cord at the first red flag given. Again, let me reiterate that emotional detachment is not a mental health diagnosis. It can be treated with the help of a therapist. Emotional detachment only becomes a problem when it starts to interfere with your daily life. Pay attention to changes in your daily behavior and make decisions to cope accordingly.
I am genuinely excited about reconnecting with my emotions. I want to feel all the feels – good, bad, and indifferent. I want to cry all the tears – especially the sad ones. I want to process and release negative emotions. I want to say how I feel in the moment with no fear.
If you are that girl who struggles with emotional connection or thinks you're emotionally detached, I hope that you become willing to face your inner child and show up for her. Don’t run – she has been waiting for you.
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