I Tried Photo Therapy & It Reawakened My Sexuality
I don't keep nudes on my iPhone to send to potential suitors. I once went out with my mom to a nightclub and criticized her for being too flirtatious. My nickname in high school was "Prissy Chrissy", and the one mortifying time I tried to take seductive photos for a boyfriend, I had to have them printed at CVS.
I'm not a sexual woman.
Much of my discomfort with being sexual lies in the fact that when I was 11 years old, I wore a C-cup bra. My classmates (and even one of my teachers) would comment that my outfits exposed my curves, even when I wore the same outfits as other pre-teens. I've always been very confident academically… and I've always feared strangers won't look past my body to see my intelligence.
The other blatant factor is that I'm a Black woman, and like many Black girls, I was subjected to sexualization. I hated that just because of my body, I was held to a different standard and misunderstood. But that didn't make me hate those who sexualized me; instead, it made me hate my body. Hate me. I spent over 20 years of my life trying to be smaller, prettier, and more reserved.
I never thought at 34 years old, a direct message from a photo therapist would emancipate my sexuality.
Amber Gillian/Courtesy of Christine Michel Carter
Amber Gillian is a Black mother of three who contacted me after reading my book, MOM AF. Amber shared that she, too, believed in the empowerment of mothers and asked me if I'd ever done a phototherapy shoot. "Hell no," I replied, "But I do therapy regularly!" I joked.
Amber proceeded to educate me on what she called phototherapy. As a photographer and licensed mental health therapist, Amber provided mothers - especially Black moms - with an immersive experience, hearing their challenges, and then capturing their truth through the camera. She was drawn to it after finding her life as a woman was overshadowed by the responsibilities of being a caretaker.
"Black women rarely have the opportunity to be sexual, and when we do, we're oversexualized. We're either given a choice to talk about our 'WAP' or be complete virgins," Amber added.
She'd gotten my attention as (even though I was a mother of two) I'd been emotionally behaving like the latter all my life. So even though I was fearful, I booked it. I knew I needed to come out of my shell, so I agreed to a session. I thought I'd take a few photos in a button-down shirt and never show them to a soul.
Amber Gillian/Courtesy of Christine Michel Carter
What I didn't expect was for the session to be rooted as equally in therapy as it was in photography. Before Amber even touched the camera, we discussed what the definition of the word sexy was for me, my experiences with capturing my sexuality in the past, even my labor and delivery experiences. She told me about the types of mothers she'd worked with- some were undergoing IVF, had postpartum depression and perinatal mood and anxiety disorders, and were even battling the grief of infertility.
She provided a personal makeup artist, Logan, that aligned with my aesthetic, made sure my favorite snacks and drinks were available to me, and frequently asked if I needed breaks. I admitted that before the photoshoot for a week, I starved myself, juicing and eating salads to appear smaller for the camera.
At that moment, I had my first breakthrough with Amber: I equated starving my body to starving my children, which I would NEVER do. Yet here I was, doing it to myself under the guise of beauty. For a "greater good". I realized I was living in the "greater good" already - I had a body that had produced two children, run 5Ks, and beat high cholesterol.
We talked about the partner's role in a woman's sexuality, and as it turns out, it's relatively small. Perhaps even nonexistent. I learned from Amber that a man shouldn't validate my sexuality, just as they don't validate my intelligence or ability to nurture. In fact, Amber didn't bring up or discuss men at all until I brought them into the conversation.
Amber Gillian/Courtesy of Christine Michel Carter
Amber also told me why women should turn to female photo therapists to uncover their sexuality over male boudoir photographers. She once had a client who booked an appointment with a male photographer who required her to send nudes before he photographed her. Amber told the client she'd heard that before about male photographers, but that practice was unacceptable.
I started the photography portion of the session asking for privacy to change into the lingerie; by the end of the session, I was so comfortable I had a complete conversation with Amber in the same room while undressed.
We all hear in the media that women should be more body positive; I've seen the Instagram models with about 16 ounces of body fat on their stomach preaching it. But I've never seen myself in them because their bodies didn't look like mine, in complexion and stature. I also didn't fully understand how being body positive can help a woman tap into her sexual confidence.
It wasn't until my session with Amber that I learned the trick isn't to be like them. It's to respect and honor me.
Christine Michel Carter is the bestselling author of MOM AF. Featured in The New York Times and The Washington Post, she has been called "the voice of millennial moms."
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Featured image courtesy of Christine Michel Carter
Christine Carter is a voice for millennial moms (and uniquely, young black female professionals and mothers). She has been featured in and guest contributed to several global digital publications, including Forbes, TIME, Health, Ebony, Black Bride, Inc., Women's Health and many others.
This post is in partnership with BET+.
Kingdom Business is back for its second season, with even more sermons, songs, and serpents. The series picks up where it left off, with actress Serayah as Rbel caught between the stripper pole and the pulpit. With the first lady of the church working desperately against her, Rbel must find a way to live her dreams and honor her friend while figuring out her faith in the process.
Season one served a collection plate of rivalry, deceit, and revenge –– among many other tribulations. Between the 28-year-old’s acting, conviction, and harmonious voice, here are a few reasons why season two of Kingdom Business is a must-watch.
If the Spirit Doesn’t Move You, Serayah’s Singing Voice Will
Rbel, formally known as Rebecca Belle, is a stripper whose life forcibly takes a turn after suffering a tragedy. Through her quest to find the truth, Rbel finds herself at odds with the head of a local church, First Kingdom’s Denita Jordan, played by the legendary Yolanda Adams. Rbel unknowingly emerges as what a faithful Christian embodies: a perfectly imperfect human who works every day to try their best while leaning on God. Although struggling with her faith, each ballad sung by Rbel can be felt, as the lyrics relate to personal struggles we all endure in different ways. Gospel songs hit differently when your life is in shambles, and chile, Serayah is singing new life into folks.
Serayah is a Formidable Opponent to The Yolanda Adams
As one of the best-selling gospel artists of all time, it’s no easy task to take on the role of a person on the opposing side of greatness. Serayah’s Rbel does an excellent job meeting Jordan at her level while shining through her solos. Throughout season one, Rbel emerges as a top streaming artist, an accomplishment that begets something of a holy war.
Serayah’s Acting Range is Engaging
As a former stripper trying to make a name for herself in the gospel industry, you can imagine the struggles that could come with it. Rbel goes through a range of emotions, all understandable and relatable. Despite several crises of faith, Serayah ensures Rbel delivers a humbling performance that makes the audience root for her redemption.
The Kingdom Business Soundtrack is Everything
Streaming now on Spotify, Tidal, and Apple Music, the Kingdom Business: Season 1 soundtrack is one you’d want to add to your playlist for high and low times. Aside from four soul-soothing songs from Serayah, the soundtrack also features singles from co-star/Hamilton’s Chaundre-Hall Broomfield, gospel artist Chandler Moore, and legend Yolanda Adams.
Serayah’s Rbel Makes You Root For Her
With First Kingdom beginning to crumble under the pressure of lies, infidelity, and deception, Rbel’s window to take that top spot seems wide open; however, the end of season one showed us the Spirit had other plans. Whether you believe or not, Serayah’s Rbel makes you want to see her win. Who doesn’t love a good underdog with a laid 22” bust down? Whether she seeks Him or not, God is proving to be on Rbel’s side. But is it enough to turn everything around for her? Will Rbel lean on faith or fear?
With secrets coming to light, success within reach, and the devastating conclusion of season one, you don’t want to miss season two––especially with more guest collaborations. Kingdom Business returns to BET+ on Nov 2.
BET+ Original | Kingdom Business | S2 Official Traileryoutu.be
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How Celebrating Dia de Los Muertos In Mexico Allowed Me To Further Process The Loss Of My Mother
Can I be honest? Grief is hard. Not only is it hard, but it’s a never-ending process and journey. I lost my mother to metastatic endometrial cancer in February 2021, and while my grief process hasn’t been as hard as some, it definitely has not been easy. So, as a way to change my perspective on her no longer being here physically, I decided to participate in a Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead) celebration in Mexico on the actual day.
Traditionally, Dia de los Muertos is observed on November 1 and 2. Families gather and build ofrendas (a type of altar with various offerings) to peacefully welcome and guide the deceased’s spirit back to the “other side.” The offerings consist of everything from the person’s favorite foods, a photo of them, a mirror, candles, and a cross, among other things. On that night, people may dress in catrina attire and paint their faces with skull-like art to resemble the country’s take on ghosts and spirits. There’s also a dinner as well as singing and dancing throughout the night. It’s literally a celebration.
In full transparency, I’ve never been one to participate in ceremonies like this or traditional rituals that essentially “call” spirits or the ancestors back. We can mostly blame that on being raised in North Carolina— you know, the whole bible belt South, and their beliefs that anything “beyond the Bible” is a sin or the devil. But I’ll digress there.
Photo courtesy of DeAnna Taylor
I traveled to the Jalisco state of Mexico to spend a few days visiting Hacienda Patrón, aka the tequila brand’s main compound and distilling site. I was invited to stay in the private guesthouse— La Casona— as we spent time learning everything about the popular spirit company. From how Patrón only uses three ingredients (water, agave, and yeast) to seeing the details put into each bottle, it was truly a unique and memorable experience. But the best part was being able to participate in the local area’s Dia celebration.
That evening, we started by getting our makeup done. Since we are ultimately honoring those who have passed on, I opted for a design made from pearl-like jewels. My mother would always tell me how, as a lady, I needed to keep a set of pearls at all times. She and my maternal grandmother— who has also passed on— loved them and saw them as elegant. So, it was only right that I incorporated them into the night. Since I wasn’t in my own home or even a family member’s home, I wasn’t able to build my own ofrenda, so this was my “offering” in a sense.
Photo courtesy of DeAnna Taylor
Beyond the makeup, I was able to partake in a traditional dinner that consisted of several courses, including pan de muerto (bread of the dead)— which is usually baked on the holiday as a part of the offerings.
Dressed in all black, we then joined the larger community celebration, where several families publicly displayed their ofrendas for the entire crowd. We spent time viewing each one, and it was very reminiscent of walking in a cemetery, except everything was colorful and bright. Most ofrendas were decked out in freshly cut marigolds placed in ways that made out special designs or messages to the deceased. There were tons of candles and of course, all the trinkets and snacks that the non-living family member would have loved.
Photo courtesy of DeAnna Taylor
Walking around, I felt an overwhelming sense of joy, which is unique for me as I am often uneasy when walking in a cemetery— even in the daylight. Seeing those families honor their deceased loved ones in such a celebratory and joyful way while bringing a bit of humanity back to them was so beautiful.
When I got back to my room at La Casona, a wave of emotion came over me— I cried, but they were happy tears. I couldn’t help but think of my mother and, ultimately, the things I would place on an altar to honor and guide her back to the other side. Of course, there would be pearls, a photo of her, vanilla-scented candles, some Corn Flakes with bananas, and maybe even a steak from Outback— because those were some of the meals she loved.
Being able to experience this type of event served as a reminder that although my mom is no longer here physically, she’s never too far away in the spiritual realm. It allowed me to essentially find an added layer of peace with her passing, too. I think from here out, I will incorporate some of the elements of Dia de los Muertos into my own life because, as far as I’m concerned, my mother’s spirit is always welcomed back to visit. I love you, ma!
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Feature image courtesy of DeAnna Taylor