Yolanda Adams On The Keys To Success That Have Fueled Her Career & Life
Gospel star Yolanda Adams is more than just a dynamic voice — her wisdom and insight about the journey we call life provides just as much empowerment as does her music. Yolanda's career repertoire expands beyond Gospel and includes roles such as actress, radio personality, author, beauty entrepreneur, and fashion designer. Behind the fame is the story of how Yolanda did it and how we can do "it" in our own lives as well.
During the time we spoke, Yolanda Adams was gearing up for a September appearance at the 2019 Black Music Honors. Yolanda, one of the event's honorees, was looking forward to receiving accolades for her work. "Anytime you're able to be acknowledged for anything you've ever done is a blessing," she told me early on during our call. Yet, she reveals there is a "responsibility that comes along with being applauded and appreciated." The ability to impact is always present. I thought our conversation would be mostly about her career in music, but I soon realized the former schoolteacher and part-time model, turned award-winning singer had a testimony about life and inner purpose to share for xoNecole readers.
Photo Credit: Black Music Honors
"I've always seen my gift as a blessing — to be able to write, deliver, and sing from my heart. I've never taken that for granted. That's a lot of power to be able to get people from a point where they are so low that they feel they can't really go on to making them feel so empowered, they don't even remember feeling depressed or trying to give up. That's huge. You realize you're not doing this by yourself. There's a special power that's allowing you to give this to people so that they can make their lives better. This song makes their life better. This performance makes their life better. They can listen over and over until they are so empowered that they get up and dust themselves off."
Read on to learn more about Yolanda's tips on embracing one's gift, motherhood, entrepreneurship, spirituality, navigating success and more.
Note: responses have been edited and condensed for length and clarity.
xoNecole: Describe your approach to making music.
Yolanda Adams: My goal every time I go into the studio is to take out of my heart and put it on whatever tape and give it to people who need it. If people are dealing with wondering about the economy, let's talk about that. If they're thinking about the love of their life, let's do a song about that. If they're thinking about loss, let's talk about that. Let's sing what the heart of the people need right now. I've never gone into the studio and said let's do a song that will go on mainstream radio or let's do a song that will go to the top of the Gospel charts. That has never been my thinking. My thinking process is always, "Who needs this right now?"
xoNecole: Taking the leap towards our passions and dreams can be tough. What inspired you to embrace your gift?
Yolanda: To anyone who has a specific call on their life and they know they do, never ever think that where God is about to take you is less than where you are right now. God always promotes you. He never demotes you. There will be a leap of faith moment where you have to say, "I can't do this the way I did it before."
I taught for seven years before I went into full-time singing. I had to make a huge decision. It took me a whole year to make the decision that I am really going to do this full-time. It wasn't a struggle to say I'm doing it full-time. The struggle came with doubting myself and doubting the decision I made.
In the face of what seems like a "no" or a deterrent or something that fights what you are feeling, we tend to say, "I shouldn't have done [that]." That's not the truth. You never get to the point of your life where you have nothing to deal with. If you try to avoid resistance, you will never grow.
Yolanda at the Black Music Honors 2019
Photo Credit: Black Music Honors
xoNecole: How do you manage possible discomfort when stepping into your purpose?
Yolanda: We deal with growing pains all of our lives. When you move from having a boss to being your own boss, now everything is really on you. You have to make sure your books are right. You have to make sure you are getting up in the morning. If you are not occupying your time and making sure you are doing something with your talent, you lose your stamina, drive, and purpose. It's the same thing with us when it comes to us thinking life will be problem-less or problem-free. That's never going to happen. You will always have to deal with something. Wisdom and experience teaches you how to effectively deal with what you're dealing with.
xoNecole: What were some of the biggest challenges of your career and how did you deal with them?
Yolanda: One of the things was trying to figure out how to navigate being a single mom and figure out how I'm going to be at home with my child to nurture a great person. Those of us who have been on the road all of our lives, we're always trying to figure out how to make transitions. I said, "God, I have to be home most of the time for Taylor [her daughter]." That's how the radio show came about. I didn't know where it was going to come from. My first degree is Radio & TV journalism.
I knew I was prepared to do it, but I didn't know how it was going to come about. People told me I'd have to move to Los Angeles or New York. Those were out of the question because my child had already established her friendships. I said to the Lord that we were going to have to work things out. Less than a week later, I got a phone call from my attorney asking if I wanted to go into business with [someone]. We had a lot of success with the radio show. I was able to go to every recital and concert. I was able to do everything with her.
When you have to make adjustments...life will make you rethink some of the things you think are permanent. I didn't miss a beat. When you ask God for stuff, in sincerity, knowing that your purpose is not just selfish, God will open windows and doors for you that you never even thought were possible.
Photo Credit: Courtesy of Yolanda Adams
xoNecole: Is there anything about entrepreneurship you wish more people understood?
Yolanda: Brands take work, I don't care what your name is. Every person from Beyonce to Jay-Z to Puffy...everyone who has magnanimous brands can tell you, it takes work. Your hands have to be there. You have to put your foot to the pedal. You have to say, "I believe in this with all my heart. I'm not letting it go." When people tell me "no", I'm still looking for that "yes". One of my mentors B. Smith told me, "Stand on a mountain of no's until you get that one YES." That is one of the biggest lessons I've learned.
If you believe in yourself, it doesn't matter who doesn't believe in you. If you believe in your product, it doesn't matter who doesn't believe in your product. You keep believing until you see what you saw in your vision.
Long-term goals for business is crucial. [You need to] have that marathon runner mentality. Sometimes you may have what seems like an amazing idea in the beginning. You have momentum [and] are doing everything you need to do. Everybody is responding and then the next couple of weeks and months, someone else has a launch [and things die down]. That doesn't negate the amazing product you have. You just have to find a different way to get it to the masses. Social media is wonderful. Build relationships. This is not a sprint. This is a marathon. You still come out the winner if you hang in there.
xoNecole: For those struggling with spirituality and finding their own connection with God, what advice would you give?
Yolanda: Breathe. Give yourself a break. Even the strongest of us have those moments where we say, "Lord, where are you?" Don't worry. You are not by yourself. Those are times when you get quiet. If you want to find God, get quiet. Move away from the phone and people. Ask the hard questions. "What am I doing? What are we doing? Where am I going? How am I going to make it? Is this the end of this? Should I be looking for something else?" The silence and quiet is where you find God. You're not going to find him on Instagram. (Although there are some great preachers and teachers on Instagram.) You find Him in your own spirit, because He's inside. Stop looking for God in the sky.
xoNecole: What are the most important things to keep in mind as we reach for success?
Yolanda: Believe in yourself. If you don't believe in you, no one else will believe in you. You've got to convince yourself that you're the greatest you that was ever created.
Believe in your destiny and purpose. Your destiny is the roadmap to where you are going. It's also the trail you've left behind. What are the lessons you've learned? What kind of knowledge have you garnered about yourself?
Garner great relationships. Your friends, family, and people you put around you will be your cheerleaders and your balcony when you have no idea how you're going to make it. They will be the ones to say you can do this and to keep going. Sooner or later, you're going to hit those goals and you're going to be like, "I did it."
For more on Yolanda, follow her on Instagram. Click here to stay up to date on her 2020 tour and purchase her line of handbags here.
Rana Campbell is a Princeton University graduate, storyteller, content marketing strategist, and the founder and host of Dreams In Drive - a weekly podcast that teaches you how to take your dreams from PARK to DRIVE. She loves teaching others how to use their life stories to inspire action within oneself and others. Connect with her on Instagram @rainshineluv or @dreamsindrive.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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These 11 Married Couples Share Their Keys To Long-Term Marital Success
The late actor Audrey Hepburn once said something that I think a lot of married couples who have at least 10 years under their belt will agree with: “If I get married, I want to be very married.” In my mind, this means very committed, very complementary, and very willing to go the distance — otherwise, what’s the point?
Really, what’s the point?
Thing is, with the divorce rate still being higher than it ever should be (for the record, a husband is not a boyfriend, and a wife is not a girlfriend; a marriage is serious business, y’all) and acting married being praised (or at least acknowledged) more than actually being married seems to be — folks who 1) are married and are looking for some hacks that will help with relational longevity or 2) want to be married someday and want insight on how to make their future marriage last are constantly seeking truly beneficial material.
Can you Google articles with random bullet points? Sure. And I’m not discouraging it. Every little bit of wisdom that you can pull, I fully support. However, the reason why I like to do articles like this one from time to time is there is something to be said from hearing real talk from multiple sources on the same topic who have some solid wisdom and knowledge on a particular topic.
Today? 11 married couples who were willing to talk about how they’ve been able to make it to several wedding anniversaries with a smile on their face and no regrets for choosing who they chose. Let’s all sit at their feet for just a moment.
*Middle names are always used in my content that’s like this so that people can speak freely*
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1. Kyle and Adrienne. Married 12 Years.
Kyle: “Some of your readers aren’t going to want to hear this but it’s worked for my marriage: people need to lower their expectations sometimes; I mean, men and women. We go into marriage with stuff that movies told us, social media told us, friends who are always single told us about what we should expect from someone, and then want to fault the person when they’re not what we made up in our head. Everyone should have standards but if you’re expecting your spouse to be some living version of a fairy tale character, you’re going to be disappointed almost every day of your life. Drop those expectations some and watch your relationship be a lot less stressful.”
Adrienne: “Talk to people who respect your man about your marriage. I’ve never believed that you shouldn’t ever go to anyone when you need some support. Even the Bible says that there is safety in wise counsel [Proverbs 11:4]. Too many women talk to women who don’t respect men, in general, let alone their husbands, and so that’s where things go left. Sometimes, you need an ‘outside in’ perspective. But if that woman is always taking shots at men, doesn’t respect marriage, or isn’t someone who holds your man in high regard, don’t ask her for advice. Really, you should ask yourself why you’re friends with her at all.”
Shellie here: I’m big on engaged and married couples having a “village” of sorts for their relationship, too. Check out “Why Every Engaged Couple Needs A 'Marriage Registry'” to get a good idea of what I mean.
2. Levi and Paulette. Married for 15 Years.
Levi: “Some of you have probably heard of the 7-7-7 rule. It’s where couples go on a date every seven days, have a weekend getaway every seven weeks, and go on a romantic trip of some sort every seven months. My wife and I do the 2-2-2 rule instead because sometimes our schedule and budget make ‘7’ difficult. It has gotten easier since Shellie told us about the sex jar. Bottom line, if you’re waiting for time to just open up to be with your spouse, that ain’t gonna happen. Schedule intimacy, including sex. Prioritizing it is better than saying you’re gonna be spontaneous and…never are.”
Paulette: “Initiate sex, dammit. When Shellie told us that men initiate sex most of the time, and then I thought about how often I used to push my husband away whenever he did it — I never really thought about how that made him feel until I put myself in his shoes. We’ve got to stop having all of this understanding for why women cheat when it comes to them not feeling desired or not getting attention when we’re the same way to our husbands. Your marriage isn’t ‘Young and the Restless’, where you’re just supposed to wait for your man to make the move. If you want to feel wanted, do the same thing for him.”
Shellie here: What’s a sex jar, you ask? You can read more about it via “5 Reasons Why Every Married Couple Needs A Sex Jar.”
3. Matthew and Gaia. Married for 17 Years.
Matthew: “Reenact some of your favorite times together. My wife and I do that semi-often. We’ll go back to where we had our first date, or we’ll go back to the hotel where we had some of the best sex before. Bringing back memories of when you felt the best together can give you the motivation to stay together to create some new memories to ‘play out’ later on.”
Gaia: “If you want to ‘mom your husband,’ you need to have kids — or at least get a dog! I didn’t realize how bossy I was until I got married. It’s because I saw my mom be that way with my dad. In my eyes, I thought that’s what love looked like until I watched how my in-laws were. They don’t try to change each other, and they definitely don’t make any demands. They’re very polite. I think a lot of married people are rude to their partner. Don’t be that.”
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4. Joseph and Carletta. Married for 10 Years.
Joseph: “Go to therapy for your childhood. I’m dead serious. No one is going to show you yourself like your wife will, and I realized that a lot of my hang-ups came from unhealed childhood stuff. It’s hard to be an adult in your marriage when you’re still emotionally a kid in a lot of ways. If you’re at the point where you think therapy is needed, go alone and deal with your childhood first. It did miracles for me and mine.”
"No one is going to show you yourself like your wife will, and I realized that a lot of my hang-ups came from unhealed childhood stuff. It’s hard to be an adult in your marriage when you’re still emotionally a kid in a lot of ways."
Carletta: “Meditate together once a day. Even if it’s just for 5-10 minutes, you need to carve out a moment to be mindful, focus on each other, and slow the world down. [Joseph and I] have been doing it for a couple of years now; it’s totally changed the way we communicate. Meditation reminds us to put each other first; that if we’re focused on each other, we can take on…whatever.”
5. Zeke and Rachelle. Married for 12 Years.
Zeke: “An argument is not a fight and a debate is not an argument. Learn that and you’re home-free. That’s all I got.”
Rachelle: “That advice that you just got? That sums up what it’s like to live with my husband. He’s very cut-and-dry, direct, and not wordy. That used to bug the hell out of me until I realized how wordy I was and then accepted that I wouldn’t want ‘two of me’ in the house [LOL]. He’s right. You can have a difference of opinion, and it be a debate. You can not find a middle ground on something and it turns into an argument. Neither of those is a red flag. It just comes with being with someone who is as much of an individual as you are.”
6. Taurus and Madison. Married for 22 Years.
Taurus: “Be prepared for your partner to change — not a couple of times, quite a bit. And when they change, that alters the relationship because now it’s not the person you stood with on your wedding day; it’s someone else. People get divorced so much because they are inflexible; they expect their spouse to never switch up and that’s just not how life is. If you’re rigid, controlling, or don’t know how to adjust, you don’t need to marry anybody. You’re gonna be miserable, and so will they.”
Madison: “Pray before sex. Before my husband and I got married, we had quite a bit of sexual history that caused us to do some comparing, and that led to resentment. In marriage, we had to adjust to how it’s more than just what we’re getting from another person. Married sex comes with so much more spirituality and responsibility. Prayer before sex reminds us to see it from a spiritual lens — and that makes the experience more intense and sacred. It might sound weird at first. Just try it. I don’t think you’ll regret it at all.”
"Married sex comes with so much more spirituality and responsibility. Prayer before sex reminds us to see it from a spiritual lens — and that makes the experience more intense and sacred."
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7. Karl and LaTasha. Married for 9 Years.
Karl: “Check in with your partner twice a day. In the morning before leaving the house and at night before going to sleep. If you work outside of the home, a lot can happen during the course of one day, so you shouldn’t assume that the person you left in the morning is who you are coming home to. I don’t mean sharing each other’s schedules or to-do lists. I mean, asking your spouse, ‘How are you doing? How are you really doing?’. It’s a smart way to take note of their mood and needs so that you are never blindsided.”
LaTasha: “Give each other some privacy. I have never been the kind of woman to go through a man’s phone, and I won’t start. If you think that you have to be a detective in your relationship, why are you in it in the first place? I know that Karl would give me codes and passwords if I wanted them because we’ve talked about it all before. Knowing that he would is enough for me. Marriage is an institution, but damn, it shouldn’t feel like jail.”
8. Thomas and Wynter. Married for 15 Years.
Thomas: “Ask your partner what their sexual needs are. Never assume that they haven’t changed because if we all agree that we are constantly growing and evolving as people, why would sex be exempt? Don’t personalize what they say about it either. All of us have sexual fantasies and interests that we keep to ourselves because we don’t know what our partner will think or ‘cause we think that they will create stories in their head about what made us think that way. I’ve learned that intimacy is feeling okay with sharing the deep stuff. The more comfortable a man, especially, is with doing that, the better the sex will be for everyone because talking about stuff like that is like taking down some walls.”
Wynter: “It’s okay to take one vacation a year with your girls and one by yourself. Just don’t go with people who don’t have the same standards as you, and as far as your solo venture, it doesn’t need to be longer than a long weekend. One thing that they don’t tell you about marriage is how there are times when you will feel like it is monotonous because of the routine of everything. A girls’ trip reminds you to get back to you outside of being someone’s wife or mom, and the trip alone is when you can sit around and do whatever you have to negotiate most of them. And yes, your man should be given the same courtesy.”
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9. Allen and Yvette. Married for 11 Years.
Allen: “STOP. BRINGING. UP. OLD. SH-T. SH-T. Nothing creates walls in a marriage more than you telling someone that you forgave them, and then the minute something else happens, here you go with the rap sheet of wrongs. Forgiving someone means that you are pardoning them, and that’s not what you’re doing if you’re constantly holding stuff over their head. One thing that marriage will show you is how bad of a forgiver you are. Most people suck at it, if we’re gonna be real about it.”
Yvette: “I already know that some women are going to assume that my man must’ve done something to say all of that (LOL). He’s a much better forgiver than I am, believe it or not. The real plot twist is, what gets on his nerves more than anything, is when I bring up stuff that he’s forgiven me for. Allen is the kind of man [who] hates to live in the past. I’ve grown a lot because of that. I think my advice would be to stay focused on solutions and tomorrow instead of problems and yesterday.”
Allen: “Sh- t, that’s bars, babe!”
Shellie here: INDEED.
10. Brennton and Danyelle. Married for 16 Years.
Brennton: “Why anyone who is trash at forgiving would get married is beyond me. It’s delusional to the nth degree to think that you are worthy of forgiveness and others aren’t — or that what you do isn’t ‘as bad,’ and that’s why you deserve forgiveness and others don’t. My wife and I have a lot of time under our belts. I’m here to tell you that there will be something, daily, that you will need to forgive your partner for on some level. If you can’t see yourself being open to that, marriage simply isn’t for you.”
Danyelle: “I don’t know who taught so many of us that being passive-aggressive will get us what we want, but it’s a damn lie. If something is wrong, stop saying ‘nothing’ when your man asks you what’s up because, if you’ve got a man like mine, he’s gonna say ‘Okay’ and go on about his day. Brennton often says that my refusing to speak isn’t his responsibility, it’s mine. That used to piss me off because, deep down, I knew that he was right. Oh, and chill on the grudge-holding too. With guys, that’s not going to get you anywhere either.”
11. Christopher and Yvonne. Married for 26 Years.
Christopher: “Have more loyalty for your spouse than you do your closest friend. Too many people don’t think like that. If you’ve got a friend since college, you’ve been through some things and you’ve learned to forgive and move past it. If you can’t see your wife or husband in this way, why did you get married? You should never have more grace for someone who you didn’t take vows with; that’s ludicrous. Before anyone else, I’m going to prioritize reconciling with my wife. It’s because I value her more than anyone. That’s what marriage is.”
"Before anyone else, I'm going to prioritize reconciling with my wife. It's because I value her more than anyone. That's what marriage is."
Yvonne: “Even if you’re not about ‘traditional gender roles,’ discuss what the expectations are for the home. People don’t divorce over cheating as much as getting sick of beard clippings in the bathroom sink or cars that look like pocketbooks. When you sign up for marriage, you are doing daily life with another person. Articulate your expectations. Listen to theirs. Be flexible until you both can make it work. Do that, and you’ll look up, and it’s been 20 years already.”
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Gems. Pure gems, y’all.
You know, popular consultant Barbara De Angelis once said, “Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day.” And love? Love is a choice.
And so, whether you’re married, engaged, or simply desire marriage in the future, hopefully, these tips will help you to choose how you love your spouse (or future spouse)…better.
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Featured image by Jasper Cole/Getty Images