

You gotta love Black love, especially when it's shown in its full, hot, sticky, magical lusciousness on the big screen through Black sex scenes. When we see ourselves loving on one another in ways that are passionate and real, we get the feels, not just because it's great to fantasize about replicating in real life---but because it humanizes our experiences and showcases a side of us that's not always fighting, suffering, or traumatized.
The memories of classic Black sex scenes on film and TV live forever. Here are 15 Black sex scenes to take you back and reignite the love and passion in your life:
'Moonlight'
When Kevin and Chiron shared their first kiss, validating feelings they'd had for each other and taking unspoken bonds to the next level, it was passionate and endearing. Kevin then pleasured Chiron via a hand job, which is another act of endearment that further solidified a gift of freedom in sexual identity that they could not fully reveal in their everyday lives. That scene from the 2016 Academy Award-winning film reminded us all of our own first time with a deep crush or connection from our teen years.
'The Photograph'
You gotta love a story of instant attraction between two creatives, and Micheal and Mae don't disappoint in this film. The journalist and art curator (respectively) enjoy a steamy romp during a New York City rainstorm, reminding us all how deliciously fun having a storm bae can be. And the fact that their love has a backdrop of Mae's mother's affair with the father she never knew adds that much more allure. (A close second in the favorite love scene category for this film is the one with her mother and father in 1980s New Orleans enjoying their first time to Luther Vandross and Cheryl Lynn's "If This World Were Mine.")
'Belly'
You've got thug-loving at its finest in this scene, and DMX showed us that doggy style means more than just barking in a rap song. Though his character in the film, Tommy Buns, had a very toxic relationship with his live-in bae Kiesha, played by the beautiful Taral Hicks, this scene made us all---OK maybe just me---think back on that one street dude you had to let go but who could have you climbing the walls and answering his calls a little longer than you should have.
'School Daze'
Tisha Campbell played Jane Toussaint, an HBCU student, and leader of the Gamma Rays, a social group that supported the fictional fraternity in the film, Gamma Phi Gamma. The frat's leader, Julian, was her bae (played by Giancarlo Esposito). There's a spicy scene in the film where the two take a break from stepping, party-planning, and being messy to get their freak on. Speaking of freaky, Jane goes as far as licking Julian's parted haircut, giving a whole new meaning to fetishes among undergrads. (When my girls and I saw this film for the first time as college freshmen, some were totally grossed out, others argued the feminist implications of a young woman doing such a thing, and the rest---including me---wondered whether there was indeed a fruit-flavored hair oil on the market for ... nevermind.
'Sylvie's Love'
This film, set in the 1960s, gives Carmen Jones vibes with a bit of edge. When Sylvie meets saxophonist Robert, it's love at first sight on a Harlem street, and things get much more sensual and romantic. Their first time making love is on a rooftop, and then they meet up again, years later, at New York's iconic Plaza Hotel. What adds to the appeal of the sex scenes between the two is the legendary jazz and R&B soundtrack and the nostalgic style of lingerie Sylvie wears, providing inspo for all of us to role play and get into a few 60s-inspired pieces ourselves.
'She's Gotta Have It'
We are so here for artist Nola, who identifies as a polyamorous bisexual, and her relationships with men and women that include wonderfully entertaining escapades in her "loving bed." One major relationship was the one she had with Opal, a single mother and a horticulturalist. The two explore not only physical awareness and intimacy but a deep personal connection, leading Nola to rethink her life and consider settling down. Good sex will do that to ya!
'Jason's Lyric'
When blue-collar Jason (played by Allen Payne) wanted to take Lyric (played by Jada Pinkett-Smith) out of the Houston hood and into a new life of love and infinite possibilities, we'd already fallen for him. When he commandeered a whole city bus to take her on a date, we swooned. But when we saw his chiseled back and hairy man-parts putting in work with Lyric in a field of lilac flowers, we all wet our panties and reconsidered giving that hard-working brotha at the Radio Shack a chance. (Go ahead, sis. Don't be ashamed. You know you did.)
'The Skinny'
This indie film is about a group of friends from Brown University who travel together for a weekend filled with drama, sex, and revelations. Especially sexy and sultry are the exchanges between Magnus and his boyfriend Ryan, including long, deep kissing sessions and lots of deep stroking.
'Love Jones'
This is, without a doubt, a classic favorite, and Darius Lovehall (played by the never-aging-a-day-in-his-life Larenz Tate) awakened the sapiosexual in all of us with his sensual wordplay and intellectual prowess during house-party debates. But when he and Nina Mosley (played by another actress who proves that Black indeed doesn't crack, Nia Long) finally hit the sheets, it was more than a sight for sore eyes. Add Maxwell's "Somethin' Somethin'" remix laying the vibes for lovemaking and you've got the peak to a love story that just made us all wish we had a writer boyfriend to be the "blues" in our "left thigh trying to become the funk" in our "right." Yas! That's all right!
'Power'
Flexing muscles just always does something to me, and Ghost (played by Omari Hardwick) knew just how to do that while stroking the living daylights out of Tasha (Naturi Naughton). Half the time I didn't care that it was often angry make-up sex between the hubby-and-wife crime duo because, TBH, seeing a strong Black man with a coin---and clearly great gym form---getting it on was always fine by me. The determination on his face, the multiple positions, and the look of bliss at the end of almost every scene...whew chile! Just go ahead and rewind again. We won't be mad.
'Insecure'
Issa Rae reminds us all that everyday women---even us awkward girls---can get our rocks off on the regular, and enjoy sex with some fine men to boot. From your usual comfy-couple sex on the couch with Lawrence (Jay Ellis), her soon-to-be ex, to crazy studio rendezvous with her rebound guy Daniel (Y'lan Noel), it's all about normalizing the dynamics of sex beyond love-story fairy tales and into the realm of IRL ish.
'Do the Right Thing'
Spike Lee sheds light on baby mama drama---and the love in between---as Mookie, who absolutely frustrates his boo Tina (Rosie Perez) throughout the whole film. Despite the arguments, the two end up having a playful sensual escapade. Mookie pulled out the ice trays---and got the side-eye from their son's caretaker, Tina's own mom---to give the both of them much-needed relief from the NYC heat. The dripping cubes-on-nipples action was something I probably shouldn't have been watching at the young age I was when I saw this movie for the first time, but as a grown woman, I can appreciate the combo of frozen treats and laughter to make relationship frustrations disappear.
'Baby Boy'
Now, some of you might fight me on this one, but who didn't didn't want to "make the tacos" for somebody after watching that scene? (And this movie has another hot love scene contender in Ving Rhames (who played Melvin) when he blessed Jody's mom, Juanita (A.J. Johnson), with a little standing froggy-style action.) I know, I know: Baby daddy-baby mama drama at its finest. You can't deny, though, that this scene was one to re-watch and that it was refreshing to see a young couple work through their issues to find common ground and holy matrimony in the end.
'Bessie'
Queen Latifah shines as one of the foremothers of blues, Bessie Smith, and in the film, she shares beautiful moments with her friend and lover, Lucille. The vulnerability and flirtatious exchanges between the two add an extra enchantment to watching this major part of the singer's life unfold through film.
'Creed'
Michael B. Jordan. Need I say more? OK, I'll go on. His character in the film, Adonis, falls in love with Bianca, a hearing-impaired singer-songwriter played by Tessa Thompson. In one scene, the two gain an understanding and connection via music and have a meeting of minds in how they'll both overcome inner demons to reach their life and career goals. Who doesn't love a man who can accept and love all of you? And again, Michael B. Jordan. 'Nuff said.
Featured Image Gif via Buzzfeed
Originally published on March 5, 2020
Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image courtesy
We've All Heard Of Marriage Red Flags Before. Now Check Out 6 Divorce Red Flags.
Red flags. When it comes to relationships, there is nothing like knowing that there are glaring warning signs that are literally trying to tell you something, and yet, because of how you feel about someone, you choose to totally ignore them. Indeed, as author Steve Maraboli once said, “They ignored all of the signs…Pretended not to see the flags…You can break your own heart loving some people.” Geeze.
And this is why, when it comes to getting married, dating/engaged couples definitely need to pay attention to some potentially serious marriage red flags — lifestyle incompatibility; poor communication; financial instability; sexual incompatibility (you don’t have to have sex to know this by the way — couples need to discuss their intimacy needs and wants regardless); inability to compromise; any forms of abuse or addictions and/or unrealistic expectations.
Whew, please hear me when I say that, no matter how much you love someone, if you say “I do” without addressing (and hopefully resolving) these issues before jumping somebody’s broom, you could be in for a really unpleasant marital experience…if not divorce court up the road.
And speaking of divorce, although it’s not discussed nearly enough, believe it or not, there are also things that should be considered divorce red flags — also glaring warning signs that you are about to blow up your union, if you don’t gather yourself together, talk to your partner (and, if need be a marriage therapist, counselor or life coach) and work to get things back on track.
After over 20 years of working with married couples, some of which were right on the brink of calling it quits, here are six of the consistent divorce red flags that I’ve noticed — along with a bit of advice on how to effectively handle them…so that you don’t end up ending your marriage, when there wasn’t a reason to.
1. Impatience
I promise you, with everything in me, I don’t get — not really — why impatient people get married. There are a billion-and-one reasons why it baffles me; however, we can start with Scripture telling us that “love is patient” (I Corinthians 13:4) and, as I’ve shared in other articles, patience isn’t just about knowing how to wait well, it’s also about “bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, pain, etc., with fortitude and calm and without complaint, anger, or the like.” Please tell me that you really caught that second one because it clearly says that patient people are able to deal with things like annoyances and hardships by remaining calm and without complaining.
Now, be real — how many people do you know, married or not, who act like this? And yet, again, the Good Book pretty much says that this is one definition of what it means to truly love other individuals: you can deal with challenging times in a steady and mature fashion. And this is why I can’t think of one client who will tell you that I am not a big fan of people worshipping the god of happiness.
What I mean by that is — how many times have you watched a post on social media (shoot, probably today alone) where someone has said that they left their marriage because “I’m just not happy anymore”? SMDH. Some people aren’t going to want to hear this, but only children should expect to be happy all of the time — and even they need to be taught just how unrealistic that is. Where the big kids play is getting that HEALTHY should always trump HAPPY — and the people who truly grasp this concept, they tend to be better at being patient than those who think that everything should be about their happiness darn near every minute of every day.
While we’re here, what are some other signs of being an impatient individual (who is usually unhappy most of the time)?
- They always want things done in their time
- They use pressure, stress, and ultimatums to get things done
- They get frustrated whenever things don’t go as planned (which means they are inflexible)
- They constantly cut people off in conversations (which means that they don’t listen well)
- They don’t know how to relax and be in the moment
And this is just five signs, chile. Anyway, the reason why this tops the list of being a divorce red flag is because, if you’re thinking about ending your marriage because you don’t know to deal with disappointments or challenges or you think that your spouse should move in your timeframe, not only do you have some tremendously unrealistic beliefs about marriage but you do about humanity, in general. Not only that, but leaving your husband, just to get with someone else? That isn’t really going to change things.
Hmph. Let me tell it, the reason why 67 percent of second marriages and 74 percent of third ones also end in divorce is because people don’t take the saying “everywhere you go, there you are” seriously and literally enough. In other words — if you’re impatient with the partner you have now and you don’t make some changes within yourself about your issues with impatience, you will be the same way with the next guy…and the next…and the next.
Divorcing because you don’t know how to wait well and/or deal with things not always going how you would like? That is a serious divorce red flag.
2. Making Comparisons
I’m pretty sure you’ve heard the quote by Theodore Roosevelt that says, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” What that basically means is if you are caught up in looking at what others are doing or what others have, it can rob you of finding pleasure, contentment and satisfaction in your own life — and when you stop to think about the fact that the internet/social media didn’t even exist at the time that he said this…whew.
When it comes to the impact that the World Wide Web has on people, one study says that social media causes 90 percent of women and 60 percent of men to compare themselves to what they see online; not only that, but 40 percent of those same people say that it affects them in a negative way. Another study? It states that social media content plays a direct role in individuals having low self-esteem, while another study revealed that 88 percent of women said that their body image was impacted by what they see on social media. And y’all, still another study cited that 75 percent of folks assessed their self-worth by what they saw online. Geeze.
If you take all of this in and then add to it the fact that some studies say that one in seven marriages say that social media played a direct role in their divorce — although there used to be a time when folks were needing to be intentional about not comparing themselves to their relatives, friends and co-workers, now they need to avoid doing it with the hundreds of people who they are able to access online on a daily basis too.
That said, I don’t care how big someone’s engagement ring is, how many trips certain couples go on or how someone speaks about their partner — everyone’s relationship is different and unique and it is pretty close to ridiculous to participate in self-sabotaging behavior by creating problems in your marriage simply because you wish it was more like someone else’s.
If there are things that you genuinely want to do or accomplish, then get with your spouse and start making some plans; however, if your core motivation is to keep up with other people, actually, that is low-key a form of being unfaithful to your own relationship because you are putting so much energy into what other folks have going on that you are neglecting the man who is right in the bed with you. And yeah, that ain’t good.
3. Unforgivingness
Someone else who has no business getting married — people who are stubborn when it comes to forgiving other people. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say that it is rooted in complete delusion and/or egomania to think that people should give you grace and mercy when you’ve done wrong and yet you believe that can and even should weaponize forgiveness when it comes time for individuals to receive it from you.
What are some signs that you suck at forgiving other people?
- You constantly live in the past or bring it up (once it’s been addressed)
- You hold people’s faults over them like it’s a power trip
- You hold grudges for days and weeks on end
- You lack empathy and compassion (as if you don’t have faults as well)
- You keep trying to make people “pay” for what they have done
- You punish them by withholding engagement or intimacy (if it’s your spouse) from them
- You’re bitter
And yet, I can’t tell you how many times that a person has told me that they are ready to end their marriage because they told their spouse beforehand that if they did something ONE TIME, they were out — only for life to humble them by them doing that very thing and then begging for their partner to pardon them for it.
And if the first thing that some of you want to jump to is infidelity — first of all, reportedly only 20 percent of men and 13 percent of women, so this obsession with that topic really needs to cease. Besides, if you aren’t a good forgiver, things like your man hurting your feelings by not keeping a date, and you holding onto that? That can cause you to feel resentful over time which can make you want to make literal mountains out of molehills when it comes to other things that he does…things that wouldn’t be as big of a deal in your mind if you had let the original offense — which sometimes isn’t even an offense, it’s just a disappointment — go.
Some people aren’t going to want to hear this, and yet, still, it needs to be said: A lot of people end up divorcing, and it’s not because of abuse or cheating or anything as extreme. It’s because they leave very little room for error when it comes to their partner (which is unrealistic as hell) and so, since they aren’t good at forgiving, they don’t know how to handle it whenever someone makes a mistake (or a poor decision) — and so, they would rather leave than figure out how to heal the situation by forgiving their partner as their partner seeks a way to make things right.
And those people? They are never going to be in a healthy long-term relationship because the reality is that humans are fallible and will always need to be forgiven — ALL HUMANS (including oneself). People who don’t accept this, they are the unforgiving types who are a constant example of a divorce red flag.
4. Selfishness
I ain’t gonna lie — the times when I do tiptoe out into social media to see what folks are talking about and I watch even five minutes of relationship-related content, the first thing that comes to my mind is a whole lot of people are not emotionally mature enough for marriage, just by their selfishness alone. By definition, to be selfish is to be self-consumed and anyone who is consistently concerned about what they can get out of a relationship without even considering another individual — they are selfish. Not to mention the fact that Scripture shows us how to love and care for other people, especially our spouse:
"Love is not rude, is not selfish, and does not get upset with others. Love does not count up wrongs that have been done." (I Corinthians 13:5-NCV)
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." (Philippians 2:3-4-NIV)
Did you catch it? If you truly love someone, you won’t be selfish, and if you want to show someone how much you care for them, selfish ambition cannot come into play. What this means is you’ve got to operate from a place of humility and be willing to take their own needs, wants, and interests into consideration.
Sometimes, when I’m in a session with a couple, all I hear is selfishness coming out, whether it’s from one or both sides. It’s not that they don’t still love each other. It’s not that they regret getting married. No, what they are struggling with is they either thought that marriage was going to be about their needs taking precedent most of the time or that they didn’t seriously consider the fact that, sometimes, they would need to put their own desires on hold for the betterment of their partner and oftentimes the relationship overall.
You know, when I recently read an article on some of the traits of a selfish person, three that stood out to me were that selfish people hate to compromise, selfish people put their wants above anything else, and selfish people don’t care about other people’s feelings. And these are the kinds of people who file for divorce on a daily basis — and that is both childish and sad.
Another thing to keep in mind about selfishness is it tends to be supremely self-centered — this presents itself as folks who are “good” at dominating conversations, skirting around accountability and responsibility and refusing to put themselves in other people’s shoes…and oftentimes, it takes a spouse “putting up a mirror” to their partner to show them that they are exactly this way.
If you just read all of this and you low-key feel triggered by it, ponder if what you currently think “isn’t working” about your marriage is more about you being more selfish than you should be. Because if you don’t learn that lesson in this relationship, you’ll just keep self-sabotaging other ones along the way — romantic ones especially, because no one really wants to be with someone who only focuses on themselves. Not for the long haul, anyway
5. A Lack of Research
Several years back, I penned an article for the platform entitled, “What Some People Regret About Their Divorce.” You know, one of the things that I absolutely loathe about how people date these days is they think that boyfriends are husbands, girlfriends are wives, and break-ups are divorces — and that is why so many people don’t really get the weight of what marriage and ending one really is. SMDH.
And that’s why, it doesn’t surprise me in the least that one study says one-third of people who divorce end up regretting doing it. I say that because, just like not nearly enough people get into premarital counseling before saying “I do” (check out “Why You Should Strongly Consider Premarital Counseling BEFORE Getting Engaged”), not enough married couples “get their oil changed” at least a couple of times a year by speaking with a reputable marriage counselor, therapist or life coach and definitely not enough will see one of these professionals before ending their union. And because of this, people make ignorant and/or rash, and/or emotionally charged decisions without really thinking about the fallout that can come from them.
For starters, did you know that more heart attacks happen to divorced men than non-divorced men? Meanwhile, women who’ve been divorced two or more times increase their risk of having a heart attack by a whopping 77 percent. In fact, people who get divorced are reportedly 20 percent more likely to experience health-related issues overall. Divorce also tends to lead to a significant increase in depression and anxiety, and there are all kinds of ways that it can jack up your finances, including taxes, assets, and retirement.
When it comes to what divorce can do to children, there is plenty of data out here that says it can lead to them having significant emotional issues, problems in school and it increases their chances of having substance abuse issues later down the road (and that’s just the tip of the iceberg of what it can do).
Can you survive a divorce if you get one? Sure you can. All I’m saying is, before you just “up and get one” — don’t let two random posts from some random ranters on Instagram have you out here thinking that it’s “no biggie” to divorce when it absolutely is. Do some thorough research into what the consequences of ending your marriage will be; treat it like it’s a dissertation. Folks who don’t take this advice — have mercy are they ignoring a HUGE divorce red flag.
6. Emotional Immaturity
Last one. Some people? Some of them are too emotionally immature for marriage or even a romantic relationship, in general. And what are some signs of emotional immaturity? Good question.
- Emotionally immature people don’t know how to control their emotions
- Emotionally immature people deflect and make excuses whenever they are called out
- Emotionally immature people hit below the belt during conflict
- Emotionally immature people constantly want to be the center of attention
- Emotionally immature people pout and/or throw temper tantrums
- Emotionally immature people rarely, if ever, self-reflect
- Emotionally immature people constantly deflect whenever topics make them uncomfortable
- Emotionally immature people are inconsistent and unpredictable
- Emotionally immature people tend to be passive-aggressive and/or defensive a lot of the time
- Emotionally immature people absolutely suck at listening because they only want to be heard
A while back, I watched a Tubi movie entitled What Fairytale? Boy, talk about some emotionally immature (and highly selfish) married folks. SMDH. Speaking of, a really good movie that’s currently loaded up on there as well is calledParachute — and boy, is it a big bright light about what it looks like to be codependent and in a relationship. Lawd.
My point of mentioning both of these films is, in their own way, they show what happens when one or two people are so emotionally immature (perhaps without even knowing it) that they have this Disney perception of marriage to the point where they make reckless and/or entitled and/or childish and/or impulsive and/or even ridiculous decisions about their relationship when that they really should do is do some self-reflecting and then get the professional help and support that they need to see and handle their marriage from a more mature and evolved space.
Emotionally immature folks? There probably isn’t a bigger divorce red flag than this one.
____
I’ve been working with married couples for a long time, y’all, with an emphasis on reconciling divorces. And you know what? Something that I’ve realized is that a ton of marriages can be saved when people 1) recognize divorce red flags when they see them and 2) get that divorce is a very serious decision that has a truly lasting impact…on all parties involved.
It can’t be said enough that a red flag is a warning. Today is a warning that you could be considering a divorce when you really shouldn’t be. If you see these red flags, talk to your spouse, hit up a professional, and get around some healthy married people.
Never ignore red flags. Address them. It can — and typically does — spare you. A LOT.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image LumiNola/Getty Images