

Do you ever have moments when you think of an artist and you devote an entire music listening day to nothing but them? Recently, that's what happened when Brandy came to mind. She recently got honored with BMI's President Award and boy does sis deserve it. Brandy has some hits, you hear me? HITS. One song that has always been my favorite was never an official single. It was off of her Full Moon LP and the title is "He Is". If you've never heard it before, click on that hyperlink and let it richly bless you.
Anyway, whenever I listen to that, it makes me think "This is a perfect song for a wedding" and that gets me all sentimental, so then I go to YouTube to watch some Black Love marriage proposals. The three that I happened to watch this time, they each had a moment that stood out to me in particular.
First was Breanna Aponte and Dre Smith who got engaged this time last year. They have, a movement really, called WorthTheeWait because they are remaining abstinent until marriage. Something that Dre said was, "It's funny how God will sometimes give you exactly what you asked for, just to show you it's not what you need." That was in reference to all of the wrong ones that came before his now-fiancee'. And yes, Dre, that will preach.
Next was Mitchell and Chanel. Mitchell proposed this past May and he decided to do a scavenger hunt for his lady. Mitchell told Chanel in a text that since he knew that she loved reality television, the entire day was going to be devoted to providing her with her own reality television experience (aww). He really did provide her with the royal treatment too.
Then there's Lexi Laure and her man David Jose. I think it went down in June or July. David was out here having different people in Lexi's life handing her red roses before he even said a word. And when he did get down on one knee, he said, "I knew from the moment that I met you, and we started praying together every night, that you were the one. 'Cause I know my mom prays for me every day. And, if it wasn't for a woman like that, I don't think I'd be where I'm at today." Whew.
All of the couples are beautiful. They are also on-time reminders that love is real, marriage remains relevant to many people and, when a man is ready, he'll move the ends of the earth to let the woman who he loves and desires know it.
Now here is where I'll tie all of this in. When I heard some of the couples share how long they've been dating, that got me to thinking about some of the articles I've read regarding how long two people should date before they decide to walk down the aisle. I'm not sure if the findings will surprise you or not. But, at the very least, I hope it provides you with some serious food for thought; especially if you've been seeing someone a while and you're wanting things to go to the next level.
What a Christian Married Couple’s Facebook Survey Said
I'll just say, before even getting into what scientific research reveals about this, I've had clients who dated for two years and got a divorce, and also clients who dated for 10 and ended their marriage. The reason why I think it's important to lead with this point is because, although there is good and valid information out here that can apply to all couples, no two people, together, are exactly alike. There are nuances that makes each relationship quite unique. Now, with that said, I do think that if you're currently in a serious relationship—not just in your mind, but the guy you're seeing agrees with you (see "5 Signs That You're In Love (All By Yourself)")—and marriage is what you desire, some of the data here can offer a helpful perspective.
With that said, before getting into what the experts and their research revealed, I think it would be well worth your time to check out the video "How Long Does It Take For A Man To Know?". The married team, Jerry and Tanisha Flowers, are some of my favorite Christian speakers on relationships. Anyway, they conducted a study of their own that consisted of 200 married men. When they asked them how long it took them to know that they had met their wife and, as a result, they started putting steps towards getting married, guess how long they said? A year or under. Less than 12 months, y'all! Oh, there are some gems in that video too:
"A man knows a wife or wife material when he sees it. And a man knows a woman he'll play with and never marry. And a man knows when there's a woman that he can get all of the husband privileges he desires, and he never has to give her his last name."
"There is a difference in the way the 'counterfeit' pursues and the way the 'Godsent' pursues. The Godsent always has a clear destination, but the counterfeit? He doesn't; his is always cloudy. The Godsent is crystal clear about his destination; he's trying to get you to the altar. He's trying to marry you—that's his pursuit. And he's not just saying that with his lips; he's complementing that with his actions…even when you have hiccups, even when you have hard times, that is not going to detour him; he is your Godsent. This means he is sent to you, he is assigned to your life…when I look at God in the Scriptures, I don't see him changing his mind a lot. What God sends you, it is yours. The counterfeit, he has no destination. He may mention marriage, but he has no intentionality, no consistency of getting you to the altar."
Let the collective Church say "Amen!" I have written a few pieces before that pretty much echo their points (see "Why You're Always The One Who Prepares A Man For His Wife", "Why I'll Never Call Someone A 'Boyfriend' Again" and "One Overlooked Yet Obvious Indicator That A Man Is Husband Material"). Plus, most of the husbands that I know said they knew when they had met their one; they also knew that they had to make some quick moves so that they wouldn't lose her.
Something else that the Flowers shared in that video is that data can't be debated. When there is a general consensus that points to one overall point, there is always some relevancy and truth to that. So ladies, if 200 men said that it took only a year to know who their life partner should be, and your man has been dragging his feet since for-e-ver, at least consider sending this article to him because really—short of him being really young, living in another state or trying to complete a certain life goal in order to make the quality of your life with him better…what's the hold up?
What Research Has to Say on the Issue
If what I just shared isn't enough to convince you that a man knowing that you are his queen shouldn't take a billion years (some would say even five), here's a little more meat to chew on. Penn State University once conducted a study called The PAIR Project. Their findings brought them to the conclusion that couples who were together a little over two years (25 months, to be exact) had the highest marriage success rate. By the way, the two years includes dating and engagement. Meanwhile, according to a study of 3,000 couples at Emory University, those who dated for three years or more were around 40 percent less likely to end their marriage than those who knew each other less than a year. Three years of dating. Hmm. Let's keep going.
I also found an article onPsychology Today's website that said two years is a good amount of time to date before making the next step. Meanwhile, an article on The Knot featured Tammy Nelson—a woman who has her PhD, is a licensed relationship therapist, board-certified sexologist and author. What she stated was, "There is no magic time frame when a couple should date before the engagement, but the rule for any happy and successful marriage is to realize this—all couples go through a 'romantic love' phase. This lasts anywhere from 2 days to 26 months, and then the couple will enter into the power struggle or the conflict phase of their relationship." There goes the two-year mark again. Terri Orbuch, another woman who has her PhD and is also an author, basically co-signed on this in another piece on the topic stating, "Studies show that it takes at least 12 to 18 months before the passion and lust decline and you can finally see your partner for who they really are, faults and all." So, she's clocking in at around a year-and-a-half.
OK, so that is still hovering around the two-year mark. It looks to me like, according to the experts, it takes approximately two years to seriously date, experience life with someone and then come to the decision that you want to spend the rest of your lives together (and once you do get engaged, experts say that it shouldn't take more than about 13 months to plan the wedding and jump the broom). Not 10 years. Two years.
So, there you have it. If you're currently in a relationship, you desire to be married, your partner knows that and has expressed the same sentiment, and it's been longer than 24 months (give or take a couple of months)—again, this article might be worth forwarding along to him. Not so much because the two of you have to follow suit with statistical information, but because it's a good idea to see if there is some sort of forward movement in that direction. Because if you're not careful, it's really easy to let another two years go by, then another two years…and chile, then another.
I've read the comment sections enough across all platforms to be confident that you all have something to say about all of this info. So please, sound off—even though plenty of data states that roughly two years is more than enough time to date and officially prepare for marriage, what are your personal thoughts? Is that too much time, too little time or just enough?
Because honestly, if you're dating with a purpose and that purpose is marriage, there should be some sort of time frame and plan involved, right? I think so. Just make sure that "he" does. Does he? How do you know? What has he told you? Better yet, what has he shown you? Time is tickin', so again, all of this is definitely some real and relevant food for thought...right? Indeed.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
Love Is Patient. But Is Your Relationship Just Wasting Your Time?
5 Questions You Should Ask Yourself Before Getting Engaged
Like, Love & In Love: How To Really Know The Differences
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
On her debut album,CTRL,SZA crooned about her desire to be a “Normal Girl.” Now, nearly eight years since its release, her Not Beauty line represents her commitment to existing outside of traditional beauty norms.
The singer whose real name is Solána Imani Rowe first teased the idea of a lip gloss line during Super Bowl LIX in February, noting that the release would be happening “very shortly.” Not Beauty debuted simultaneously with the Grand National Tour, which she co-headlines with Kendrick Lamar, in Minneapolis on April 19.
Each Not Beauty pop-up would offer fans the opportunity to purchase the glosses, learn more about the brand, and have the opportunity to meet the superstar in the flesh regardless of their ticket status.
During the Los Angeles tour stop, which spanned three dates on May 21, May 23, with the finale on May 24, xoNecole had the opportunity to test out the glosses included in this soft launch, as SZA revealed in a statement that "this is just the start of other lip products, including plans to launch stains, liners, and creams all inspired by SZA's “infamous layered lip combinations.”
Courtesy
So, what is included in the first Not Beauty launch?
The current Not Beauty products available are lip glosses that come in three shades: In the Flesh, Strawberry Jelly, and Quartz.
During my visit to the first LA Not Beauty pop-up activation, I not only had the chance to purchase all three glosses but also took a peek inside the blow-up log tent. Inside, fans got to experience SZA’s love for nature and her fascination with bugs, which are prominently featured in her performances for this tour. At one point, she even had human preying mantis prancing across the stage y'all.
There were blow-up photos of the beauty that is SZA for fans (myself included) to take photos, but in wooden-like tree trunks were a deeper dive into some of the ingredients featured in her products and their benefits.
For example, the glosses feature Hi-Shine Lip Jelly and Shea Butter as key ingredients and some of the listed benefits included are:
- Shea Butter - “A powerhouse ingredient, offering both functional and nourishing benefits.”
- Hi-Shine Lip Jelly (featured in the In the Flesh shade) - “Formula glides on with perfect adhesion to the lips without stickiness).
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What are in the products?
Featured in an orange package, with images of a bug and flower on the side, the back of the box reads: “It’s NOT BEAUTY, it just works. Developed by Solána “SZA” Rowe.
As someone who never leaves home without a good lip gloss, I loved how compact the wood panel packaging is. Perfect to slip into my purse, or in the case of the show at SoFi Stadium, into my pocket when I’m not carrying a bag.
Because I’m a sucker for a good black and brown lip liner and clear gloss combo, I decided to wear the Quartz flavor on night one of the Grand National Tour LA stop, and it did not disappoint. I’ll admit, it’s light weight feel made me nervous because it felt like there was nothing on my lips. However, when I checked my lips in my compact mirror several times throughout the night, I was shocked to find that my gloss was still intact. I only reapplied once out of the habit of looking cute and applying my gloss, but not necessity.
Here are some of the ingredients featured, but not limited to, in the Quartz flavor.
- Polyisoubutene
- Butyrospermum Parkii (Shea)Butter
- Ricinus Communis (Castor) Seed Oil
- Mentha Piperita (Peppermint) Oil
- Tocopherol
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Lip prep
I’m a simple girl who loves to stay true to her roots. So ahead of the show, I stopped by a local Inglewood Beauty Supply store and grabbed a Black and Brown shade lip pencil for just under $2 a piece.
Shading the outline of my lips with the black pencil first, I used the brown to lightly fill the inside of my lips before applying my Quartz Not Beauty shade gloss.
How to apply
There’s truly no right or wrong way to apply lip gloss (in my opinion), with this being a brush applicator sort of product, I simply untwisted the top and swiped the gloss around my top and bottom lip generously.
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Results
Again, my Not Beauty Quartz product stayed on my lips from the start of the show, which began with a fire DJ set from LA’s very own, Mustard, to the conclusion when Kendrick and SZA reunited on stage to send us home to their duet, “luther,” featured on the rapper's GNX album.
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The millennial in me is nostalgic at best...and at worst, deeply, deeply yearning. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss the past.
In the days of old, community was never hard to find. It was a knock on the door from a neighborhood friend who needed no invitation. It was trading jokes over lunch and lingering strolls after the final bell. It was choir practice on Saturdays and giggling in the pews on Sundays.
The love was free and plentiful, and my cup runneth over.
But there was a certain rhythm to the ’90s and early 2000s. People were ever-present in the most ordinary ways, and fortunately, this followed me well into adulthood. The door knocks have since turned into tequila shots, and brunch on Sundays became my new sanctuary, but you know...same thing!
However, life has changed drastically, and with it, so have we. Sometimes by force (2020..no other words needed, amirite), and other times by the natural, inevitable flow of growing up.
As we age, our identities become more defined. And while the people we’ve always loved still matter deeply, we start to crave new connections and experiences that reflect who we’re becoming.
When COVID reared its ugly head, not only did it disrupt the lives we knew, it pushed us to reevaluate the lives we want… and the people we want in them. For many, it exposed a loneliness that had already been there beneath the surface. It made space for questions we hadn’t slowed down to ask: What do I truly enjoy? Who do I feel most myself around?
After months of quarantine and isolation, we were left craving connection in a deeper, more intentional way. This sparked a renewed interest in “the third space.”
Coined by sociologist Ray Oldenburg, the term refers to those places beyond home (first space) and work (second space) where people gather, build relationships, and foster community. Think coffee shops, libraries, dance studios, run clubs, and other environments that offer connection outside of our daily obligations.
My own desire to find like-minded folks has only intensified over the past few years. And as a self-proclaimed medicine woman and wellness enthusiast, I went looking for spaces that felt good, and found more than a few.
So if you're in NYC and searching for places that feed your spirit (and tend to your interests), consider this your starter guide. Whether it's a wellness club, a run group, or a kickball league, these third spaces might just feel like home.
A Safe Space Mentor
My Shaylaaa.
What started out as a simple offering from founder Teya Knapp has grown into one of the most intentional, heartfelt communities I’ve had the privilege to be part of. Together with COO Jasmine Dayze, they have cultivated more than a collective—it’s a movement rooted in community care, softness, and restoration.
A nonprofit centered on mental health advocacy and equity, A Safe Space Mentor has redefined the possibilities of communal healing. With over 22 fully funded retreats to date (yes, free), monthly programs ranging from support groups and hikes to pottery classes, free therapy, and now a physical home at A Safe Place Studios, they’ve built an ecosystem where people can show up fully and be accepted just as they are.
I came across them by chance, but as fate would have it, it allowed me to bloom in ways I never saw coming, surrounded by women who affirm and love me in ways I didn’t know I needed. I’m serious, ya’ll. Even at the risk of sounding dramatic: expect to be changed, to find friends, possibly even family, and maybe a group chat, too.
Beyond their no-cost offerings, they also host weekly yoga and meditation classes, massages, and more. Learn more about this beautiful space here, and keep an eye out for their upcoming Juneteenth gathering.
NARC
Who needs Hinge when there’s a run club? (Kidding... kind of.)
NARC, short for Not a Run Club, is technically a run club but with a twist. Co-founded by Omari Ross and Noah Hutchins, NARC takes a holistic approach to fitness and community. Picture track workouts, dynamic circuits, core finishers, followed by a post-workout brunch with the crew. Sure, the occasional match may be made, but at its core, NARC is about connection, movement, and showing up for yourself and others.
It’s the kind of space where most people arrive solo but rarely leave without a new friend or a new perspective. And personally? I never tire of seeing Black men love on one another out loud.
If you’re looking for a solid sweat (not gonna lie, it gives Olympic training at times), laughs, and folks that show up rain or shine, they’ve got you. Beyond the track, they also host boxing classes, hot yoga sessions, social mixers, and a number of other events. NARC meets every Saturday at McCarren Park at 10 a.m. unless otherwise noted. Learn more here.
The Music Nerds
My favorite part about The Music Nerds? The DJ. Scene Serene, a former music journalist turned vibe curator, created this club out of pure love for music and the Black people who create it. And that love is felt in every detail.
Past functions have celebrated Kendrick Lamar, Black women in music, and Virginia legends, each thoughtfully crafted to tell a story through sound. Here, you’re not just dancing, you’re feeling, remembering, and reflecting, too. Additionally, she kicks off each event with icebreaker quote cards to spark conversation, because the vibe isn’t just in the music; it’s also in the people.
That sense of connection comes full circle in her choice of venues, which are always Black-owned spaces that feel safe and inclusive for all Black folk. After all, if we don’t support each other, who will?
This isn’t just a party. It’s a celebration of culture, connection, and Black joy…and yes, it’s free! She’s cooking up some magic for the summer, so follow her here to stay in the loop.
SociaLight Social Club
For the anti-social socialite or the extrovert who wants a little more intimate play, the SociaLight Club might be your sweet spot.
Nayah, the founder, is all about curating intimate, low-pressure gatherings that bring people together through random yet delightful activities, all while supporting Black-owned businesses in the process.
From coworking days to supper clubs and nights building LEGOs, it’s the kind of space where you can show up as you are and end up discovering new people and new passions. It’s chill, it’s intentional, and very much a vibe. Keep up with her events here.
Recess Kickball League
Black folks deserve to frolic, dilly-dally, and straight-up play. And that’s the spirit behind Recess Kickball League. Though kickball is the anchor, it’s really about reclaiming joy through movement and connection.
Founded by five friends during the lockdowns of 2020 (Emmanuel Maduakolam, Christopher Thomas, Cris Jones, Daemon “Tubbs” Krueger, and Ermias Tessema), the club started as a way to get outside and let loose, and now it’s blossomed into a thriving community with leagues in both LA and Brooklyn.
If you’ve been looking for field day vibes and opportunities to love on your inner child, keep up with them here.
The Free Black Women’s Library
Tucked in the heart of Bed-Stuy, The Free Black Women’s Library is a cozy nook that centers Black women and holds space for book lovers, creatives, and community-builders alike.
Founded by OlaRonke Akinmowo, it functions as more than a library but a cultural hub. While every book is written by a Black woman or non-binary author, she also hosts grief workshops, writing circles, and curated events that honor both healing and imagination, too. Their monthly calendar is packed with offerings that meet you where you are, celebrating who we are and who we’re becoming.
And the best part? You don’t have to buy a book, you can swap one. Bring something you’ve read, and leave with something new. Keep up with them here.
Peak & Pace
This one’s for the runners and the lovers. If you’re looking to meet your future bae who’s into fitness and a good Sunday reset, Peak & Pace might just be your new favorite link.
Founded by London native Owen Akhibi after relocating to NYC, the club was born out of something a lot of us know too well: feeling a little lonely in a big city. So he created a space that brings people together who just so happen to run.
Every meetup ends with a social, and some runs come with fun themes like wearing flags repping your country to wristbands signaling your relationship status (lovers tap in!). Off the track, they host yoga, comedy nights, parties, and other events to build real connections. They meet every Saturday at Prospect Park at 10 a.m. Tap in with them here.
Free Peace Meditation Club
Free Peace Meditation Club offers a rare pause in the middle of NYC’s bustling Lower East Side, encouraging folks to be still in the midst of chaos while finding beauty in it, too. What began as a simple conversation between Kenji Summers and Angelo Baque has blossomed into a welcoming sanctuary where New Yorkers gather to unplug, recenter, and recharge.
Hosted monthly at the artfully decorated Awake NY, this community-driven experience invites participants to reconnect through guided reflection, mindful breathwork, and thoughtfully curated music that features the rich sounds of New York’s rap, R&B, and jazz artists. FPANYMC stands as a powerful affirmation that stillness is not a luxury but an essential practice. Keep up with them here.
Knot Okay Club
This one’s for the soft girls, the creatives, and anyone who’s ever needed to crochet their stress away.
Knot Okay Club brings Black women and non-binary folks together through fiber arts. It’s about slowing down, making something with your hands, and feeling held while you do it. The work might be small and intentional, but the connection? That’s the magic. Learn more about them here.
Girls That Gather
Lauren Franco started Girls That Gather after moving to NYC and realizing just how hard it can be to find genuine connections as an adult.
What began as a way to bring women together has grown into a go-to space for meaningful conversation and real friendship. From curated dinner parties to small, cozy events, everything is designed to feel easy and intentional. No awkward networking energy, just good vibes and even better people. Learn more about them here.
Adanne Bookshop
Adanne is one of those places that makes you want to linger.
Tucked away in Brooklyn and owned by educator Darlene Okpo, this Black woman-owned bookshop is as intentional as it is inviting. The books are curated with care, the energy is warm, and the events, from author talks to community gatherings to incense-making, always leave you a little more full than when you walked in.
It’s not just a bookstore; it’s a cultural anchor. Check out their events here.
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Featured image by Clarke Sanders on Unsplash