How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
Latasha Stevens and DeAngelo Wright are Black love #goals.
The marketing/brand manager and the realtor/CEO are fairly new to love, the couple build together, travel together, and of course, love together. They are a testament to the fact that when love is true, it is not something you're unsure or hesitant about. In fact, you put a ring on it.
Their one-year anniversary trip to Los Cabos, Mexico was one for the books and was punctuated even further by DeAngelo popping the question and the pair subsequently solidifying their love story together. He had been wanting to ask her to marry him for months but waited to ask her over dinner while in Mexico with a couple that they met there in a moment that felt right. "When the champagne arrived, I looked at the love of my life, tapped the glass with my fork, and ordered her to stand up while I demanded everyone's attention in the restaurant," he recalled.
"I had no speech prepared and spoke straight from the heart. Even though I was so nervous that I dropped the ring twice (laughs), I still managed to clearly and directly express to her how I felt right before hearing her say 'yes' before I could even finish. It was perfect and surreal! She wants to be my Mrs. Wright!"
Falling in love wasn't something either of them anticipated when their paths crossed when they met last September, but it's added value and color to their lives in the most unexpected ways. Being engaged and getting married (their wedding is set for early 2020) are just the beginning for the future Mr. and Mrs. Wright. "It's an amazing feeling knowing that your prayers have been answered...not just about getting married in general but getting married to someone who loves you unconditionally, accepts every flaw, recognizes your worth, and treats you like a Queen," Latasha shared. "Now that we are engaged, it proves the growth in our love...that we are ready to take the next steps in spending the rest of our lives with each other, starting a family, and building a legacy for our future. It just got real real!"
Today, DeAngelo, 33, and Latasha, 29 share how they met, first impressions, first dates, being a blended family, and navigating their love together. This is their story.
First Impressions
Latasha's Instagram
Latasha: DeAngelo and I met on Labor Day of 2017 (Sept. 4th, 2017). I was invited to a boat party at Lake Lanier last minute by my friend Aricca. Honestly, I wasn't really checking for DeAngelo. I saw him but honestly I assumed he was with one of the other females on the boat... At that time, I wasn't really looking for love. I had finally let go and released my emotions and ties from someone in my past who wasn't meant for me while going through the struggles of dating in Atlanta. I was at a point in my life where I wanted to focus on living my best life and I was genuinely having a good time with my friends on the boat. I didn't have any exceptions or feel forced trying to meet a guy.
DeAngelo: We met at a yacht party that my friend Trey had. I was not looking for love at the time. [I] wasn't looking for anything but qualities I wanted in a partner were for them to be easy on the eyes, for them to be intelligent, for them to be ambitious, and for them to be family-oriented. I thought that [Latasha] was beautiful and very interesting.
First Date
Latasha's Instagram
Latasha: Our first date was at the movies and I remember getting there on time while I waited for him to show up. A few minutes turned into 10 minutes, then 15 minutes. And I was so mad that he showed up late. I kinda went off on him and told him that if we're going to see each other, he has to value my time. I definitely had a 'tude that day (laughs). He gave me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek, apologized for showing up late, and promised he wouldn't do it again.
DeAngelo: Our first date was at Studio Movie Grill in Marietta. She was mad at me at first because I was late, but I guess she forgave me after I smiled at her. She was even more beautiful than I remembered. She was down to earth and easy to talk to. The date was awesome.
Making It Official
Latasha's Instagram
Latasha: We wanted to commit to a relationship because we didn't want anything to stand in the way of us building a future together. We shared a very intellectual connection and we felt like we knew each other longer than we had. I had never experienced this type of love from a man before so I knew that I wanted to hold on to what we had. I would say within three months of us dating, we decided to become official.
DeAngelo: I wanted to commit to a relationship with her for one because she could cook her ass off (laughs). Also, I just fell in love with how simply amazing she was. She never was over the top or extra. Naturally beautiful inside and out. I also loved the way we communicated and even in difficult conversations we always seemed to find common ground.
"We shared a very intellectual connection and we felt like we knew each other longer than we had. I had never experienced this type of love from a man before so I knew that I wanted to hold on to what we had."
Blended Family
DeAngelo: I definitely approached dating cautiously because I didn't want someone to build a relationship with my daughter if it wasn't going to be for long-term. I believe at first she was hesitant because it's plenty more men out there without children and [she might've thought] that she could possibly find a guy as great as me without a child. One foot in for her and one foot out, but eventually she fell in love with the both of us!
Latasha: Once I witnessed how great of a father and how involved he was in his daughter's life, it actually made me like him even more. However, like any female would want to know, I had to make sure there wasn't any 'baby mama' drama. I can honestly say that I have never had to worry about that with him and his child's mother. It was clear that their relationship was completely over and they did whatever they had to do to co-parent and make it easy for their daughter. I was also reassured after meeting her a couple of times and it was nothing but respect and good vibes. DeAngelo just wanted to make sure that whoever he brought his daughter around will grow to love and accept her with open arms.
The One
Latasha's Instagram
Latasha: I knew it was love when I started to accepted my flaws and really be myself in the relationship. DeAngelo accepted every flaw and loved me more that I could ever imagine. He never judged me and always expressed his love for me no matter what while accepting me for who I was and vice versa. Despite our flaws, I loved and accepted him at his best and worst. I never have to beg for his attention and he doesn't hesitate in telling me how beautiful I am everyday or doing thoughtful, spontaneous things for me. It's those little things that make me feel special and truly loved.
DeAngelo: I knew it was love because I thought I was in love before from past relationships but this one was different. What I mean by that is that even at intense disagreements, we still had each other's best interest [at heart] and even in tough times, we both were willing to fight for our unity. She just had so many characteristics that I've always desired in a partner. My favorite thing about her is her mind. To me, she is so smart and intelligently sexy!
Love Work
DeAngelo: The biggest challenge I had to get through individually was when I started my own business. Financially, it was tough because I could not do for her the things I would have if I had it like that. As a couple, the biggest challenge was to communicate at a higher level no matter how difficult in order to overcome battles we dealt with alone. Now because we share everything, we are able to effectively accommodate and support each other through them.
Latasha: The biggest challenge that I had to overcome independently was my selfishness. I have never been in a long-term committed relationship before so my focus evolved around me (laughs). I pretty much was ingrained to do things for myself because I didn't have anyone else to depend on. When DeAngelo came into my life, it was so different for me, but in a good way. He has such big heart and did things for me that I was not used to. The biggest challenge we had to overcome together was our work-life balance. We both are very driven, hard-working people that put a lot of our time and energy into what we love to do career-wise...but when we started dating, it was a little bit of a challenge to step away from work to make time for each other. We realized that it was worth the sacrifice and that it is completely healthy to have a balance to do what you love and do things with the ones you love.
"As a couple, the biggest challenge was to communicate at a higher level, no matter how difficult, in order to overcome battles we dealt with alone. Now because we share everything, we are able to effectively accommodate and support each other through them."
Love Lessons
Latasha's Instagram
DeAngelo: I've learned that it's best to love your partner as if you're loving yourself. Anything less would be selfish. Also, I've learned that true love is a feeling that adds value to life. No matter what you got going on in life, it's an amazing and fulfilling feeling when you have someone with you through the good and the bad!
Latasha: I've learned that love is an ACTION. We can say we love each other all day long but if we are not doing anything to express our love for each other in a positive way, then there's no real substance behind it. I do things out of love for DeAngelo because he deserves it and my actions speaks sacrifice, effort, and going above and beyond to make him feel appreciated, respected, loved, and special.
"I've learned that love is an ACTION. We can say we love each other all day long but if we are not doing anything to express our love for each other in a positive way, then there's no real substance behind it."
Keep up with Latasha and DeAngelo by following them on Instagram.
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Ding. Ding. DING.
A life coach by the name of Thomas Leonard once said that “Clarity affords focus” and, believe you me, when it comes to dealing with other human beings, if you don’t get clear on where you stand when it comes to your interactions with them, you can very easily find yourself “focusing too much” on those who don’t deserve it and too little on those who absolutely do. And y’all, this lil’ PSA couldn’t be more relevant than when it comes to what I call “casual friendships.”
Let’s dig — and for some of us, dig our way out of — what it means to have a casual friend, so that you can get clear on if you really need those in your life…and if so…why?
Article continues after the video.
It Can’t Be Said Enough: Always Remember What “Casual” Means
GiphyThere’s a reason why I decided to share two videos by mental health coach Isaiah Frizzle at the top and bottom of this article. It’s because a lot of what he shares in both of them complements a piece that I wrote for the platform last year entitled, “This Is Just What Purposeful Relationships Look Like.”
It’s the author M. Scott Peck who once said, “Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it” and please believe that the older (and hopefully more mature) you get, the more you tend to see just how valuable — and fleeting — time is; and that is what plays a huge role in motivating you want to only involve yourself with people, places, things and ideas that will honor your time — and when something is casual? In my opinion, it’s highly debatable that it’s worth much of your months, days, hours, or even too many of your minutes.
The main reason why is addressed in an article that I wrote back in the day entitled, “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex.'” The gist? When it comes to relationships, “casual” is certainly not a favorite word of mine because I know what it means. Have mercy — why would you want to invest your time, energy, and emotions into something that is, by definition, apathetic, indifferent, careless, lacking emotional intimacy, and/or is without purpose?
I don’t know about y’all but that sounds like a complete and total crap shoot to me — especially if you are going to go so far as to consider this type of dynamic a true friendship (check out “Ever Wonder If A Friend Is Just...Not That Into You?,” “6 Signs You're About To Make A Huge Mistake In Making Them A Close Friend,” “5 Signs Of A Toxic Friendship That Is Secretly Poisoning Your Life,” “12 Friend Facts That Might Cause You To Rethink (Some Of) Your Own,” and “Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?” ).
To me, when you decide to call someone “friend,” it means that they are loyal, reliable, consistent, trustworthy and willing to be there to support you to the very best of their ability — even if it’s inconvenient to do so sometimes (check out “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient'”). How in the world can you expect that from something that has the word “casual” in it?
And you know what? That actually segues into my next point about casual friendships pretty darn well.
Ponder the Purpose “Casual Friends” Serve in Your Life
GiphyA couple of years ago, Verywell Mind published an article entitled, “How the 4 Types of Friendship Fit Into Your Life.” The four that it listed were acquaintances (which I actually don’t consider to be friends; check out “6 Differences Between A Close Acquaintance And An Actual Friend”), casual friends, close friends, and lifelong friends. After reading the piece, I think they consider casual friends to be the “pleasure” friends that I mentioned in the article, “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends.”
And although I certainly get that, I think my “cause for pause” is calling those people “friends” when they probably should be called something like an associate or possibly even a buddy instead. Why do I feel this way? Well, I’ve shared in other articles that I think social media has jacked up vocabulary words and their true meaning on a billion different levels.
Take “friend,” for example. Facebook had us out here calling everyone we connected to on their platform “friends” when some of them, we’ve never even spoken to before — and I personally think that influenced, affected and perhaps even infected our psyche to the point where we will call folks, both online and off, “friend” even when they haven’t earned it and/or who possibly don’t deserve it.
That said, do I think that we all could use lighthearted interactions that don’t go very deep and are filled with not much more than fun? Sure. However, if we were to move this over into a sexual thing — those types of people would probably be called a sneaky link, and there is nothing significant or substantial about ‘em. In fact, if anything pretty much automatically comes with an expiration date, sneaky links would have to be it.
And that’s kind of the point that I’m trying to make about a casual friend — so long as you know that the word “casual” is being used to describe them, while you may enjoy the people who fit that bill, they aren’t really anything that you can or even should fully rely on. Instead, take them for what they are and don’t really expect much more than that. Otherwise, you could be in for some profound levels of disappointment. And who wants that?
Final point.
How a Casual Friend Can Become a Huge Red Flag
GiphyI’m telling you, y’all gonna quit clowning Tubi. LOL. To me, the best way to describe it is it’s the Cricket of current streaming apps. What I mean by that is, back when Cricket (the cell phone service) first came out, people, like me, who used it service got incessantly clowned because it was seen as a bootleg provider. Now it’s owned by AT&T, and as someone who has rocked with them since I was in my 20s, I don’t have one regret for doing so. Cricket has always been good to me, chile.
And Tubi? Well, when you get a chance, check out CNBC’s article, “CEO at 33, Tubi’s Anjali Sud on success hacks she learned at Amazon, IAC on way to top of Fox streaming” — take note of the moves the streaming app is making and the quality of programming that is transpiring in real time.
Anyway, I find myself bringing up Tubi more and more in my content because it helps to amplify some of the points that I like to make. This time, it’s a movie that’s (currently) on there calledRight Man, Wrong Woman. If you haven’t seen it before, I don’t want to give too much of the film away. What I will say is that the main female character, she had a casual friend and then she had a close friend.
That casual friend—the one who liked to kick it all of the time—was a lot of fun; however, dealing with her came with a ton of semi-unforeseen consequences. Meanwhile, the close friend? She’s what the Aristotle article (that I mentioned earlier) would call the “good friend” because she tried her best to hold her friend accountable.
And really, it shouldn’t be a shock that the casual friend turned out to be a plum trip because if someone is loads of entertainment and pleasure and yet they are indifferent towards you, they make careless decisions around you and/or they don’t really make known the purpose for you being in their life other than to pass some time — where really do you and that person have to go past drinks after work or dinner on a rooftop restaurant from time to time? And if that is all that the two of you are doing, again, why are they deserving of the word “friend”?
Hmph and don’t get me started on the lack of reciprocity that typically transpires when it comes to dealing with people like this because, while they won’t mind you spending your coins on them, taking their calls in the middle of the night or listening to all of their issues — when it comes time for them to show up for you, they very well may gaslight you into thinking that you are being dramatic, clingy or “doing the most.” Why? Well, it’s mostly because the two of you never really established what the hell the both of you are to one another.
And so, while you’re somewhere taking them seriously, they are out here seeing you casually, and as much as it might hurt to hear, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. You shouldn’t expect much where no clarity is involved. After all, casual is just that: CASUAL.
____
I’m hoping that you can now see why I entitled this piece in the way that I did. It’s because a red flag is pretty much a warning, and to me, a casual friend is about as big of an oxymoron (again, to me) as casual sex is. Friends and sex are both too intimate to be seen or treated casually. Oh, but if you step out and take that risk, you could find yourself getting far more involved than the other individual ever wanted to go, because casual is how things have always been. “Friend” was simply to get you more mentally and emotionally invested. SMDH.
American columnist Walter Winchell once said, “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” A wise person once said, “One good friendship will outlive forty average loves." Former President Ulysses S. Grant once said, “The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish most. I can better trust those who helped to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity.” Does any of this sound casual to you? Yeah, me neither.
Again, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have people in your life who aren’t on deep levels. I’m just saying that you might want to consider putting them into another category than friend, because what friends do for people? There ain’t nothin’ even remotely casual about it, sis. Not even a lil’ bit.
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