
Your Venus sign in Astrology is your guide to matters of the heart. When it comes to Astrology and love, the first thing you want to look at when determining what is in the stars for you and your love life is your Venus sign. Your Venus sign represents how you love, your taste and aesthetics, how you express yourself when in love, and what you look for in a romantic partner. Understanding your patterns, habits, likes, dislikes, and interests in relationships can help you better align with what resonates and works for you.
Where Is Venus In Your Birth Chart?
Whatever Venus is doing in your birth chart is going to show you what energy you are moving through in love in this lifetime, how to understand yourself better emotionally, and how to work with your strengths and weaknesses here. Learning more about your Venus sign can help you dive deeper into your relationships, and also how to better understand your love language. Everyone has a Venus sign, and everyone has a certain area of the birth chart where Venus resides. However, with Venus going retrograde every 18 months, there are some people who are born with Venus retrograde in their birth charts, making matters of the heart a different experience for them.
What Your Venus Sign Means In Astrology
If Venus was retrograde at the time you were born, it may take more time for you to develop an emotional understanding of what you want and need in love, and you could experience some challenges when it comes to your relationships in life. It can be hard to trust and to open up with this energy, and the best thing to do if you have Venus retrograde in the birth chart is to understand the emotional patterning in your life and to work from within.
Going even further, checking the compatibility of your Venus sign and your partner’s Venus sign can show you how your two love languages come together and what you are both bringing to the table here.
Compatible Venus signs are a green light for relationships, and if someone’s Venus sign aligns with your partner’s Mars or Moon sign as well, this is another good indicator of a harmonious relationship.
How To Know What Your Venus Sign Means In Love and Relationships
A Venus in Aries native will want the sparks flying and will be concerned with the passion and excitement in the relationship. Venus in Capricorn however, wants to make sure the relationship is being built on solid ground and is less about the flashy and more about the sustainable. A Venus in Scorpio wants to experience a transcendent love and prefers nothing short of intimate devotion.
Venus sings a different tune in each birth chart, and diving deep into the planet of love is essential to the relationships you form in life.
Venus In Aries Meaning
Having your Venus in a fire sign obviously brings passion to your love life. You are typically one step ahead in this area of your life, and you tend to take the lead here. Love for you is all about purpose, freedom, and the thrill of it all. You are independent in love and value a partner with their values and goals as well. The beginning phase of love, the courtship, the spark, the meeting, is definitely one of your favorite parts of a romantic relationship, and you never forget what initiated the love between you and another.
In love, you are someone who loves to plan dates and outings, and your adventurous and dominant traits come out here in life. You are the type of lover who is a fierce protector over their partner, and you also keep the passion ignited.
Venus In Taurus Meaning
Venus loves being in the sign of Taurus as it’s the planetary ruler of this beloved earth sign, giving you an extra boost of good juju in matters of the heart. With your Venus in Taurus, you prefer to walk on stable and solid ground in love, and you don’t mind taking your time with things here until you are completely sure about someone.
You love to be in love and when you feel safe in a relationship, you are truly thriving and radiating. You are looking for a partner who makes you feel safe, and that can also provide or contribute to a comfortable life.
You tend to live lavishly with your Venus in Taurus, and you love the finer things in life. A partner who dresses well, has good taste and loves to spoil you is your cup of tea. You attract love to you through your solid and loving nature, and you value loyalty in your partnerships.
Venus In Gemini Meaning
Venus in Gemini is the wildcard in love. Your vision and ideals in love continuously change over time, and you are someone with a curious heart. Love for you is about exploring, learning, and understanding another. Your energy is that of a sapiosexual. The mind is what attracts you to another, and a partner who can keep your interests peaked and teach you something new is everything for you. You need conversation and feedback here, and a partner who doesn’t return texts or calls, or keeps up with the communication channels between you two is a no-go for you.
With Venus in a mutable sign here, your love life is often fluctuating, and you tend to be pretty flexible and open-minded. Your life partners find you fun and intriguing, and love for you is all about a meeting of the minds.
Venus In Cancer Meaning
Venus in Cancer is the romanticizer, the one who feels it all, and often the caretaker. In love, your nurturing, compassionate, and intuitive nature takes the forefront. You tend to attract individuals who you feel you can help or “mother” in some way with this energy and often find yourself in these caretaker roles in your relationships.
In this lifetime you are learning the importance of grounding your energy in love and living with an open heart, but also with your two feet planted on the ground seeing reality for what it is.
Love for you is a deep and intimate experience, and you are a little more private in this area of your life. Family is very important to you as well and you will build this sense of support, tradition, nourishment, and safety with you in your love life and partnerships.
Venus In Leo Meaning
Venus in Leo energy is like watching your favorite rom-com. Venus in Leo is dramatic, loving, generous, loyal, and bold. Love for you is all about the joy, the excitement, and about appreciating the gifts of the heart. You tend to grab the attention of others effortlessly, making love not the most difficult for you to find. With Leo also being the sign of confidence and self-assuredness, this is the energy you bring forth in your partnerships as well.
You don’t doubt why someone loves you or why you love someone else, which makes for a positive foundation for your relationships. It’s very important to you to be admired and adored by your partner, however, and no matter how good you know you look- you want a partner who will never stop telling you that. Venus in Leo is romantic, and this loving, confident, and outgoing side of you comes out in love.
Venus In Virgo Meaning
Venus in Virgo is the perfectionist in love. Virgo is known for their high standards and this energy doesn’t go missed when it’s aligned with Venus. You are someone who wants the best for yourself and from another, as this is what you're willing to give in love as well. When in love you are sincerely devoted, and you never miss the details.
You are the type of partner to remember the little things, to know every important date, and to have everything planned out ahead of time.
Venus manifests in different ways depending on what sign it resides, and Venus happens to be debilitated in Virgo, which explains the growth spurts and changing behavior in love. It may take you some time to find “the one” as you aren’t one to settle, however, when you do you form partnerships that last a lifetime and you are a giver in love.
Venus In Libra Meaning
Venus is the planetary ruler of Taurus and Libra, and loves being at home in these signs. With your Venus in Libra, you have a special knack for love that keeps your love moving and full of romance and inspiration. You tend to fall in love easily, and you are quite the charmer. Love for you is about romance, the partnership, the connection, and how two people come together as one. You want something for the books and someone that fits your ideal version of love.
You’ve had your vision of partnership since a young age and are the type to believe in a fairy tale. With your Venus in an air sign, communication is also largely important to you in a relationship and you want someone who is going to tell you sweet things. With your Venus in Libra, you prefer a partner who is fair, balanced, loving, and intelligent.
Venus In Scorpio Meaning
Venus in Scorpio is all about the emotional intensity of love. You want to go deep with a partner, and commitment and loyalty are everything for you in this area of life. You are somewhat of an investigator in love and you are someone who does their research before getting involved with someone.
You are interested in those who are unique, different, and a little taboo. Intimacy is where you shine in love, and you know how to connect with a partner on many different levels.
Your relationships are never superficial as you wouldn’t bother to spend energy on someone who doesn’t excite you or make you feel something. Emotions do run high for you here as Scorpio is a water sign, however, you are focused on channeling your energies into positive transformation. You live many different lifetimes in your love life and evolve through each experience here.
Venus In Sagittarius Meaning
Venus in Sagittarius is all about the adventure of love. You aren’t one to settle down quickly, and you deeply love your independence and freedom. In love, you can be somewhat difficult to keep up with and tie down. However, you are very generous and loving. You want to be able to live life on your own terms and do your own thing, which can sometimes get in the way of the partnerships you form.
Your energy is typically up in the air, but you make for a fun and exciting partner to be with, as life with you is never boring. You are the type to enjoy getaways and vacations with your partner, and you want someone who you can stay up all night with talking about life and also someone who can be the life of the party with you. You see love as an exciting adventure and you want to get the most out of life here.
Venus In Capricorn Meaning
With your Venus in Capricorn, slow and steady wins the race for you in love. It takes some time for you to open up emotionally and you deeply value patience and stability in love. Venus in Capricorn tends to go for the older, wealthier, and high-achieving lovers. You want someone who is going to bring something to the table as you are already bringing a lot.
Living a good life both emotionally and financially is equally important to you and you take these matters into account when forming a partnership with someone.
However, you are the type to stick with your partner through the good and even the difficult, and once you are in a relationship, you are in it. You are a steady force of groundedness in your relationships and you are someone your partner can rely on and trust. You are definitely someone who is marriage material.
VENUS IN AQUARIUS
Venus in Aquarius is the free spirit in love. You have an open mindset when it comes to matters of the heart, and your relationships tend to be quite progressive. You don’t like boxes or labels and will do whatever you can to maintain your sense of freedom and authenticity. You make your partner feel seen and unique, and you bring out some of the best qualities in your partner. You deeply value a friendship with your partner, and you often fall in love with people who were at first just a friend.
You live in this space of transparency and openness that makes others feel eager and inspired to join in on this world you have created for yourself. Your relationships tend to be unconventional and rebellious in some way. Although you need a lot of emotional space to nourish within, you also value community and coming together with one another in love.
VENUS IN PISCES
With your Venus in Pisces, you are all about the fantasy aspect of love. You tend to romanticize your relationships and it’s hard to take off your rose-colored glasses. However, Venus is exalted in Pisces, meaning that you get Venus in its high-vibe state. You go through some pretty miraculous experiences in love and you could probably write a book or a movie about your love life.
You are all about going deep with one another and being vulnerable in this space. You want an open and honest relationship and a relationship where spirituality is at the center.
With your high emotions and intuition, you intuitively know what your partner needs in love and vice versa, and you are typically on point with doing the right things to make a relationship work. You are the lover and the dreamer and deeply care about the partnerships you form in life.
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- Astrology Charts 101: The Significance Of Knowing Your Full Chart ›
- Sister Signs In Astrology: How Opposites Attract & Act As A Mirror To Your Soul ›
- The Kind Of Friend You Are, According To Astrology ›
Your December 2025 Monthly Horoscopes Are All About Surrender & Alignment
December is about letting go. We end the year with the need for more peace, reflection, and rejuvenation, and that is exactly what December is providing for us. The Sun is in Sagittarius, and anything is possible. This is the month to believe in that and to know that the universe is supporting you. With a Supermoon in Gemini as we begin the month as well, we have an opportunity to gain the closure we have been looking for this year and to wrap up old projects, ideas, and communication breakthroughs.
This is the month to make your peace the priority and let go of trying to control the way the tides are turning. Trust in your new beginning, and give yourself time to prepare for it this month.
A big part of the clarity that is coming through this month is due to Neptune going direct in Pisces on December 10, after being retrograde here since July. With Neptune now direct, we are able to see our inspiration and creativity a little more clearly, providing the perfect energy for dreams and manifestation to be built upon. The smoke is clearing, and it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with this newfound clarity that this transit is bringing. Mercury also moves back into Sagittarius on December 11, which is great for communication and clarity, and the adventures you were trying to see through at the beginning of November come around for you again with greater purpose and support.
On December 15, Mars enters Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and this is the extra push we need to make important changes and to be on the path towards greater abundance, stability, and prosperity. Mars in Capricorn takes care of business, and we have extra energy at our disposal during this time to do so. This transit is an ideal time to focus on your career or financial goals for next year and to start putting some of these plans into motion now. A few days later, we have the New Moon of the month, which will be in Sagittarius on December 19, and this is the perfect New Moon to manifest.
The energy is high, magic is in the air, and it’s all about moving forward with the new beginnings that are inspiring you and bringing you joy to think about right now.
Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21, and this earth sign energy is how we heal, gain closure, and build new foundations in our world. With Venus also moving into a Capricorn a few days later, there is something about peace, prosperity, and security that we are gaining in life and in love as we close out the year, and this is what we need right now. This month is about reflecting on what was, letting go of old hurt, and renewing. December is an ending and a new beginning in one, and there is magic in this space to be created.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what December 2025 has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
December is a full-circle moment for you, Aries. You are seeing the gifts in your world and have a lot of gratitude for the way things have come about for you as of late. There are culminations in your world that are providing you with more abundance, stability, and community, and you are exactly where you are meant to be this month. With the Sun in a fellow fire sign and in your 9th house of travel for most of the month, December is a good time to get out of your comfort zone, explore the world around you, and get your body moving.
Mars, your ruling planet, also makes a change and moves into Capricorn on December 15, which will fuel your inspiration and power in your career space. You are making a lot of professional progress as we close out the year; however, make sure to be more mindful of your competitive drive right now. The New Moon on December 19 is the perfect opportunity for you to create some new plans and goals when it comes to traveling, education, and where you want to gain some new inspiration in your world. Overall, this is a month of things coming together for you serendipitously.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
December is about trusting your intuition, Taurus. You have a lot on your mind this month, and it’s best to delegate, communicate, and allow yourself some relief by opening up to someone and not feeling like you have to hold everything in. As we begin the month, we have a Supermoon in Gemini happening in your house of income, and the plans and projects you have been building here come to fruition for you now. This is the time to gain clarity on your financial world and to take a look at what spending habits you want to let go of here as well.
With Venus in your 8th house of shared resources for most of the month, you are doing a cleanse on your commitments, partnerships, and business ventures. You are taking a look at what you want to dedicate yourself to in the future, and what commitments you may need to let go of now in order to be in the space you truly want to be, both financially and within some of your relationship dynamics. Before we end the month, we have a New Moon in this same area of your chart, and it’s time to look at the opportunities that are presenting themselves and to trust your internal guidance system to lead you forward.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
You are moving forward fearlessly this month, Gemini. December is your month of love, passion, and dignity, and you are owning the light that you shine. We begin the month with the last Supermoon of the year, happening in your sign, and you are stepping up to the plate. You are showing up, owning how much you have grown this year, and allowing yourself to heal while also acknowledging that you have done your best and you deserve to have fun in the midst of the changes you are creating.
Mercury, your ruling planet, is officially out of retrograde, and you can use this energy to the fullest potential now. With Mercury in your 7th house of love, it’s time to speak from the heart and to talk about the things that matter and that are inspiring you right now to your loved ones. You never know what kind of epiphanies you may have when you open up the conversation to others. Before the month ends, you have a New Moon in this same love area of your chart, and this New Moon is all about manifesting romance, commitment, and abundance in your world.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
December is an opening for more love, more joy, and more freedom in your life, Cancer. You have come to a place where you hold so much gratitude in your heart for where you are today and where your heart is shining, and things come together for you with more ease right now. With the Sun in your 6th house of health, work, and daily routines for most of the month, you are getting your ducks in a row while also putting more energy and effort into taking care of yourself, your priorities, and your well-being. This month surprises you in many ways, and it’s because you are showing up.
Mars and Venus both move into your house of love, relationships, marriage, and abundance this month, and you are making strides in your love life. You have both of these opposing forces on your side and are being recognized for the love you are while also receiving the love you want. This month, overall, is about focusing more on the positives in your world and letting your heart have its joy. Before December comes to an end, there is a New Moon in Sagittarius, and this is the perfect opportunity to create the plans you want to see through next year, especially when it comes to your work life, colleagues, business ventures, and health.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
The scales of karma are balancing, and they are balancing in your favor this month, Leo. December is your month of truth, and of seeing it clearly in your world. The Sun is in your house of romance, pleasure, and happiness for most of the month, and it’s time to relax, be in the present moment, and allow what is meant to be, to be. With a Supermoon in your 11th house of manifestation as December begins, this is a powerful month for seeing your dreams come to fruition, and for feeling like the intentions you have set this year are finally here for you now.
Mars also moves into your 6th house mid-month, and this is the perfect energy to have to move into the new year. You have extra energy at your disposal right now and are feeling fearless with what is possible for you and your daily routine. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in a fellow fire sign, Sagittarius, and this is a breakthrough moment for you and your heart. December, overall, wants to show you how loved and supported you are and will be doing so in magical, unexpected, and concrete ways.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
December is a month of victory, Virgo. You are showing up and experiencing some new successes in your world that move you forward on your path in life. With a Supermoon in your 10th house of career as we begin the month, the effort and intentions you have made this year come into full bloom, and you are being recognized for who you are and the good work you have done. This month is all about showing up and allowing yourself to be seen and loved, knowing that you deserve the support and opportunities you are receiving.
Mars moves into Capricorn on December 15, which brings the passion and excitement into your love life, hobbies, and little pleasures in life that light you up. You want to have fun this month and are going to be walking into the new year with this fearless, happy, and spontaneous energy within you. Before the month ends, Venus also enters Capricorn, and in this same area of your chart, you have a lot to look forward to and believe in right now. Overall, December wants you to be happy and will be doing everything possible to make that happen for you. This is your month to shine, Virgo.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
December is a month of opportunity for you, Libra. New doors open, and you are financially making breakthroughs this month because of it. December begins with a Supermoon in your 9th house, and you are getting a clearer view of where you have been making strides in your life and how it has all brought you here to this present moment of freedom. This month is showing you what happens when you are fearless with your purpose and when you believe in yourself and what you are worthy of.
Moving further into December, Mars moves into your 4th house of home and family mid-month, and you are closing out the year in your safe spaces. You are spending more time with your loved ones and taking the time to quiet your mind and listen to what your heart has been telling you. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, happening in an area of your life that deals with communication. This is a great time for getting the answers you have been looking for and for feeling more clear-headed and confident about the decisions you are making as you move into the new year.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
Patience is a virtue this month, Scorpio. December is all about remaining patient and vigilant with what you are creating in your world, and knowing that the universe has your back. It’s time to be reminded of the power of hope, and this month is an opening to greater clarity in your life. There is a lot of energy in your financial zones right now, and this is providing you with new opportunities and new insight; however, the speed at which things come about for you may feel daunting. Keep your head up and eyes focused on what you want and know that you are more than worthy of receiving it.
With Mercury in your 2nd house of income this month, December is a good time to plant new seeds and to think about where you want to be financially a month from now or even a year. This month is asking you to think bigger and to think more long-term so that you can set the appropriate plans into motion now. We also have a New Moon in your house of income before the month ends, and this is when you will see more of your dreams come to fruition in this area of your life, and have more opportunities to build. Overall, December will be teaching you a lot, Scorpio.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
Sagittarius Season is here, and there is a lot in store for you this month, Sag. December is all about what you are dedicating yourself to. It’s about setting your intentions and putting the work in to back up your dreams, and about getting things in order so that when the new beginnings come, you are ready for them. The Sun and Venus are in your sign for most of this month, and there are a lot of eyes on you right now. You have the potential to create a new beginning for yourself, and it’s time to invest in yourself, your love life, and your dreams.
Mercury moves into Sagittarius on December 11, and this is giving you another opportunity to see through some of the plans that you had initiated in November. Mercury was retrograde in your sign last month, and there may have been some disruptions to your vision and plans for the future, and now this energy is turning around for you. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in Sagittarius, and you are walking through new doors fearlessly. You are catching others by surprise by your growth this month, and you are thinking a lot about your purpose, future, and plans for the new year.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
December is all about the vision, Capricorn. You are moving through a lot of changes and transformations this month, yet they are giving you a chance at a new beginning in the process. You are focused more on the future and what goals you want to manifest for yourself right now, and are ready to let go of what hasn’t been working for you. With the Sun in your 12th house of closure for most of December, this is your time for healing, but remember, healing doesn’t have to be isolating or boring; you can thrive while you renew, and you are this month.
Mid-month, the excitement picks up for you, and you are feeling more energized than you have in a while. Mars moves into Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and you are being proactive with your goals, intentions, and passions. You are a force to be reckoned with this month, and you are making things happen for yourself with confidence. Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21 this year, and this is definitely speeding up your healing process. You are breaking free from what was, and with Venus also moving into Capricorn before the month ends, you are leaving this year in high spirits and with love opening a new door for you.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
December is all about community, creativity, and manifestation, Aquarius. This is the month to work together with others to help bring your dreams to life. You are in a space of inspiration, empowerment, and beauty, and are creating more of this energy around you and in your world. Look out for what support comes your way this month and know that you don’t have to do everything alone to succeed. With the Sun in your 11th house of manifestation and friendship, your intentions are coming to fruition, and it’s time to celebrate with the people you love and to own how far you have come this year.
On December 19, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, lighting up your life in all of the best ways possible. This is your New Moon of freedom, victory, and magic, and you are seeing new beginnings appear that you were once just hoping for. Before the month comes to an end, Venus moves into your 12th house of closure, and after an active and successful month, you are ready to relax, heal, and give your heart some of the attention it has been asking for. You are moving into the new year with the need to release and renew what hasn’t been working in your relationships, and you are finally ready to.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
December is a big month for you, Pisces. You are making some huge accomplishments this month, and are feeling like everything you have been through this year has been worth it for these moments that are coming to fruition for you now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career and reputation for most of the month, and this is where a lot of your focus is right now. You are claiming your successes and putting yourself out there in ways that not only serve you, but that inspire others as well.
Neptune officially goes direct on December 10, after being retrograde in your sign since July, and you are finally seeing things a little more clearly. You are feeling renewed inspiration and passion in your life, and your intuition is your strongest asset right now. Before December comes to an end, we also have a New Moon in your 10th house of career, and what happens now not only changes things for you in the present, but it also opens new doors and what is possible for you in the new year as well. Overall, you are on top of your game this month and are owning the joy and empowerment you feel.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Do You Expect Others To Read Your Mind? Here's The Problem With That.
Omniscience. If someone were to offer you $100 right this second for the definition of that word, could you immediately provide it? If you’re not sure, basically omniscience is about being able to know everything — and to those who believe in God, only he is given that honor. For those who believe in Satan? Not even he is omniscient (as much as he would like people to think otherwise).
Sometimes, it might feel that otherwise because some beings and even people are truly masterful when it comes to reading body language, observing patterns, and picking up on cues. Still, no matter how much it might seem like someone can read someone else’s mind, they can’t. It is literally impossible — and I will briefly expound on that in just a moment.
Oh, but there are plenty of people whose egos have them thinking that they can read someone else’s mind. Then there are others who have fantasies, which create unrealistic expectations that others in their lives actually should read their mind. And you know what — both of these things can cause unnecessary stress, drama, and trauma, if folks aren’t careful.
And that’s why I think it’s important that we unpack this a bit more. Because if you’re someone who thinks that if another person truly cares for you, they should be able to read your mind, it’s time to let that ridiculous yet semi-popular notion absolutely and completely go.
Here’s why.
It’s Scientifically Impossible for Someone to Read Your Mind
There are a couple of reasons why I am starting this off with R&B singer Avant. For one thing, I don’t think that he gets nearly enough flowers and secondly, clearly, this is a more-than-fitting song for today’s topic, wouldn’t you say? Because, lawd, there really is something that makes some of us feel all warm ‘n fuzzy about the mere thought of a man telling us that he is so in tuned with us that he can basically read our mind.
Hmph. Problem with that is, as I said in the intro, it is scientifically impossible (for us and for AI to do, praise the Lord!). And yet the fact that so many individuals think that they defy scientific data and research is oftentimes why there are so many breakdowns in communication — because if you run on assumption (that you can read someone’s mind) without clarification and confirmation, you can create issues that didn’t exist before you decided to fall for your own mind-reading theories.
Now to be fair, while science is still trying to figure out why we can’t read minds, what is sure is that we do have the capability to perceive the thoughts and actions of others if we’re willing to pay really close attention. However, do keep in mind that reading and perceiving are different. Reading? It’s about being able "to apprehend or interpret the meaning of" and "to anticipate, expect, or calculate by observation." Perceiving? It’s all about “to become aware of, know, or identify by means of the senses” and “to recognize, discern, envision, or understand.”
And already, do you see the differences? So much certainty comes with reading while perceiving is about humbling oneself (bookmark that) to not try to know everything but instead to try and understand what is transpiring. And since no one person (or their mind) is ever truly static, that is a huge part of the reason why believing that you can read someone’s mind — no matter how close you may be to them — is futile. You can change your mind on a dime. Others can do the same. Learning to perceive what is going on instead of assuming that you can “read” folks is far more beneficial.
Besides, you might be surprised by a particular demo who thinks that if you are truly who they need you to be, you will read their minds — and boy, once you know who they are, that may cure you of the whole “read your mind” ish…quick, fast and in a hurry.
The Expectation Is Oftentimes Rooted in Egomania
GiphyWhile doing a bit of research on this topic, I thought it was interesting that a particular type of person kept coming up. Can you guess which one? A NARCISSIST. What I kept noticing is a telling sign of a narcissistic individual is they expect others to read their mind.
I must admit that I was caught off guard by that at first because narcissists and their damn egos are so out of control (bookmark that) that it would seem like they would be more focused on acting like they know the thoughts of other people. Here’s the thing, though — the reason why narcissists want others to read their mind is because they want you to do things like guess what they want and need before they ask — and they want that to happen because they believe that they are so damn special that you should put in the extra blood, sweat and tears to figure it all out. Hmph. Now that tracks.
Another reason why narcissists want you to be able to read their mind is so they can manipulate and deflect. Meaning, if you say and do things based on what you thought they wanted you to, should everything crash and burn, they can dodge accountability and blame you for it. Hmm, does reading someone’s mind seem romantic and beautiful now? SMDH.
And again, all of this is tied to ego because, at the end of the day, mind-reading is a form of control and narcissists are definitely very controlling people. And honestly, mind-reading is as well because why do you even want to know someone’s private thoughts before they share them and, at the same time, why would you want someone to have that kind of power in your life either? “Eww” is what immediately comes to my mind. “Yuck” is what follows.
So, why is it that so many people think that it’s a good thing to have someone read their mind — I mean, the ones who don’t show narcissistic tendencies, that is? Good question.
5 Reasons Why Some People Wish Someone Would/Could Read Their Mind
GiphyOkay, so ego and pridefulness aside, what would be some other reasons why people think that it’s such a wonderful thing if someone who they are in some sort of intimate relationship with can read their mind.
1. They are caught up in Disney and rom-coms. One day, I am going to do an article on all of the ways that Disney and rom-coms have destroyed the reality of relationships. For now, I’ll just say that the scripted tales of both have caused a lot of people to think that if someone loves them, they should be able to read their mind. Nooo…if someone loves you, they should care to know what is on your mind. And that brings me to the second point.
2. They aren’t as good at communicating as they think. Are you a good communicator? One way to know if you are is you’re able to clearly articulate your wants and needs — because really, if you are able to do that, why should anyone even need to read your mind? Feel me? Let’s move on.
3. They want someone else to work harder at their relationships than they do. I say it in my sessions often — it’s beyond crazy to think that someone should work harder at figuring out what your wants, needs and expectations are than you are willing to express them. Hmph. It makes me think of a friend of mine who says that “should” is a dangerous word. What she means by that is saying that someone should do or not do something simply because YOU THINK that’s how it “should” go is a surefire way to stay disappointed and even be disillusioned. No, your man shouldn’t just know what you want every year for your birthday. Did you state it? If not, why aren’t you playing fair? Who has time for all of the guessing games and then getting penalized if they guess wrong? Stop it.
4. They think it’s the sign of a healthy relationship (it isn’t). Anyone who knows me knows that I am always and forever going to be Team Healthy over Team Happy and my reason why never changes. Only children expect to live in a world where they are happy all of the time — and yes, there are a lot of childish people out here. People who want their mind read? They tend to live in happy land. Meanwhile, a healthy relationship knows that clear communication, mutual respect, keen listening, patience and understanding that humans make mistakes are foundational to its success.
5. They are lazy. And yes y’all, some people want others to read their mind because they are lazy and it really is just as simple as that. Thing is, while they are being passive aggressive, dropping hints or giving the silent treatment so that you can figure out whatever it is that they…want you to figure out, that tends to take more effort than simply speaking up. Ridiculous, chile.
How to Let the Myth Go
GiphyGee, after reading all of this, suddenly reading minds just seems like a lot of silliness with a sprinkle of drama and potential trauma, doesn’t it? And it’s all because some people choose to treat something that is a myth like it’s a bona fide fact. SMDH.
And what if you happen to be one of those individuals? How do you break free? COMMUNICATE. Openly, clearly and maturely share what’s on your mind and heart because, the true tell of a solid relationship isn’t that someone can read your mind; it’s that they can retain what you’ve already stated.
Less reading. More perceiving. That’s the secret sauce.
And when you accept this for what it is, you will realize that it’s far better for you, your partner and your relationship to stop expecting the impossible and to accept what is actual: that learning your partner, as they strive to do the same thing with you, is better than you both assuming that you know what…maybe you do, maybe you don’t.
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Author Frank Sonnenberg once said, “People can’t hear what you don’t say. Thinking isn’t communicating” — and I think this is a perfect place to bring all of this to a close.
Find the kind of relationship(s) where intention is so strong that mind-reading isn’t even desired.
At the end of the day, it really is as simple as that.
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